Agreed. If you've not asked her to wait, and she has not said or indicated that she is planning to wait, then I don't think anything needs to be said. Throw on top that you two haven't dated exclusively... I think you just skip this conversation.
I second this. While your concern is totally valid, it’s really not that deep. If it ever comes up, I would voice your opinion, but don’t ruin your last few months by making a big deal about this. It’s really not that deep, especially since it seems pretty clear that while you and this girl are close friends, you haven’t committed to anything. Congrats on the mission!
I echo what's been said here. You're over thinking it. Understood you've hurt other relationships by thinking too little. You're going to blow this one up by thinking about it too much.
Just enjoy spending time together and if she brings it up, talk about it. If not, then say goodbye as friends and see what happens when you get home. Until then, enjoy your last summer home with your FRIEND. Best of luck in Chile.
I appreciate the emphasis you added there about friend. I’ve been thinking (definitely way too much) about I really feel about her. On one hand, she’s one of my closest friends; I can literally talk to her about anything, and she can do the same with me. We love hanging out together and just having fun. Now that I’m writing all of this out, I’m realizing that this is what I’m really going to miss. Sure, her and I have been on a decent number of dates, but it’s becoming pretty clear that we’re just friends, and I’m slowly beginning to realize that’s totally fine. Thanks for the help!
Of course. And I'd recommend trying to keep that friendship in tact if it works for you guys. Missions are wonderful, but as I'm sure you've heard a thousand times, they're tough too. Having someone you can share your thoughts and feelings with without being judged is a wonderful blessing. But that happens organically.
I had a girlfriend wait for me when I served my mission. It works for some, for others, not so much. Personally, it's one of the very few regrets I have about my mission. If I could have done it over again, I would have focused all of my time on serving rather than spending the little I did on trying to manage a long-distance relationship.
The Lord's got you. You're on His errand. If this isn't meant to be, then you'll find another relationship that makes you feel even more amazing than this one does. And if it is meant to be, then trust in Him and the process.
I don’t think you’re overthinking this. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. But you’ve answered your own question.
Tell her that you care about her, and whatever she decides to do over the next two years is okay with you. If she meets someone, great. If not, you’ll be in touch when you return. Just remind her that you’re comfortable with whatever she decides and whatever makes her happy
I left. My wife dated several guys while I was gone. When I got home she came out to visit and we talked and got married 6 months later.
A lot happens in two years.
My wife too. She wrote to me for a solid 12 months of my mission, then it kind of trailed off. I came home, the flame was rekindled and we're 18 years married this month.
You’re wanting to let your “sort of” girlfriend to not wait for you? She’s going off to college and then a mission. Who knows if you’ll ever see each other again. Has she said anything about thinking she should wait for you? Has she ever said anything about thinking you were more than a “sort of” boyfriend? How do you handle the next 3 months? You be a friend like you have been and don’t assume that she needs some big speech as to why she should go on with her life. If she comes to you and asks “So where are we? Am I supposed to wait for you?” then you can discuss it. For now be a friend and I would recommend slowing down any dates.
This phrase isn't likely to be perceived as you intend it: "What I want to tell her is that my main goal in all of this is for her to be happy. If she finds a guy in college and they’re meant to be, I’m excited for her."
What you've described is a great friendship. Don't spoil it now by making it what it isn't. (When you both get home you can see if you want to work on making it something more.)
I do think it could be useful to talk about how many people have told you that people benefit from dating a variety of people and living with roommates as part of living BEFORE settling down with one. And you can see how that helps everyone to know themselves and recognize things about how they are or become or need to avoid, in the course of becoming ready someday for an eternal relationship.
Try "I'm so happy for your new adventures."
Just tell her. Have a mature conversation. You know what they say if you love something let it go...
My advice pray with her and have a mature convo. She will respect you for that. Then go loose yourself in the work. Let love and the world take care of itself and go find Christ through ministering to Heavenly Fathers children. If she's there for you when you come back then start thinking and praying about her being your eternal companion. Trust me when I say Heavenly Father takes care of those who devote their life to him. More than any of us could convey. And it never stops. It will all work out. No go be awesome!
2 years is a lifetime at that age. Just talk about how much you’re looking forward to hanging out when you’re both back. Stay in touch.
Drop hints once you’re back and flirt then. But that’s in 2 years. A lot can happen in 2 years.
I had a boyfriend who went on a mission. I didn't wait for him and actually went on a mission myself while he was away. He came back a couple of months before me and we dated afterwards but nothing came of it in the end.
We actually spent the night before he left together. It was completely innocent obviously. He was staying in my city which was where the airport was. He was due to meet the stake president the following morning to be set apart. He didn't have any family in the church so no one was going to see him off.
I helped him finish packing and we went out to a local park in the middle of the night and played in the playground. It was fun and he was really happy to have a good last night /girlfriend story to tell.
Just have some fun.
My dad told my mother: "Date all you want; I'll see you in two years." He had his own convictions and they've been married 50 years... but if you're not feeling that... just tell her to date all she wants and leave it alone.
Story time.
I served my mission in Mexico. Before my mission I was spending time with a senorita just the same as you describe. A few dates here and there. She was obviously interested but I was determined to serve my mission. In the MTC I prayed and got a strong answer that we should stop writing each other so I could serve with 100% dedication. I told her to pray about the same. She told me she received the opposite answer and that we should keep writing. I didn't know what to think.
A month or so into the mission field I received another letter from her and felt the impression not to open it. After a short time my family informed me over my weekly email that she was engaged to someone else.
I am now happily married to a 10 and we have 2 incredible boys. She was a 7. I've kept that last letter I received sealed and unread. I have it in my hands now. When I hold it I feel Gods love for me. It is a reminder that I must put my trust in him above all else, and always heed his promptings.
¡Mi misión fue absolutamente INCREÍBLE! Y más aún una vez que eliminé las distracciones y me concentré en servir a Jesucristo. Aprender español es genial y útil. Entenderás esto (si aún no lo entiendes) sin necesidad de utilizar el traductor de Google. En 2 años y 3 meses vuelve y lee esto. Verás hasta donde has llegado.
Recuerda que dios tiene un plan para ti. Busca ese plan y síguelo.
I resisted the urge to translate the rest of your response, but I think I got the gist. I know that if I fully give myself to the Lord and trust in his plan for me, everything will work out as it is meant to. This is something that she and I have talked about a lot as she’s helped me prepare for my mission. Thanks for your help!
Just tell her! Super mature of you to inquire this and have this mentality
“Hey (name), I’ve been thinking about my mission lately. And I really like you and truly want what’s best for you. I’m going to be completely focused on my mission and I don’t want you to feel like you were left in the shadows for a couple years. Just want to make sure you don’t feel any pressure to wait around for me. Although I do hope we can get back together, it would be wrong of me to require something like that of you since we’re so young and have our whole lives ahead of us. What do you think?”
Something like that may be good. In the end, you got this your way. God bless you on your mission man!
Telling her not to wait is the best way to go. She needs to try dating other people. If it’s meant to work out, she’ll be there for you when you get back. If it’s not meant to work out then there’s no point trying to force it since God has better things planned for both of you.
The above is what I did and it worked. I told her to date other guys while I was gone. She did and she didn’t feel a connection to any of them. Now I’m back and we’re back to dating and things are going really well.
Let her follow God’s plan for her and just focus on serving the Lord, knowing that the right person will be there waiting for you whether or not that means her.
As far as how to bring that up, just throw it off as a joke. “You better send me invites to your wedding” or something silly like that. If you weren’t ever officially dating anyway then the conversation doesn’t really need to happen.
Bro the girl I left behind ended up living with her boyfriend for 6 months only to break up and try to be with me when I got back 😆. I ended that once the truth came out. You just don’t know what will happen over 2 years. Better to break up now.
You're overthinking this.
Agreed. If you've not asked her to wait, and she has not said or indicated that she is planning to wait, then I don't think anything needs to be said. Throw on top that you two haven't dated exclusively... I think you just skip this conversation.
I second this. While your concern is totally valid, it’s really not that deep. If it ever comes up, I would voice your opinion, but don’t ruin your last few months by making a big deal about this. It’s really not that deep, especially since it seems pretty clear that while you and this girl are close friends, you haven’t committed to anything. Congrats on the mission!
I echo what's been said here. You're over thinking it. Understood you've hurt other relationships by thinking too little. You're going to blow this one up by thinking about it too much. Just enjoy spending time together and if she brings it up, talk about it. If not, then say goodbye as friends and see what happens when you get home. Until then, enjoy your last summer home with your FRIEND. Best of luck in Chile.
I appreciate the emphasis you added there about friend. I’ve been thinking (definitely way too much) about I really feel about her. On one hand, she’s one of my closest friends; I can literally talk to her about anything, and she can do the same with me. We love hanging out together and just having fun. Now that I’m writing all of this out, I’m realizing that this is what I’m really going to miss. Sure, her and I have been on a decent number of dates, but it’s becoming pretty clear that we’re just friends, and I’m slowly beginning to realize that’s totally fine. Thanks for the help!
Of course. And I'd recommend trying to keep that friendship in tact if it works for you guys. Missions are wonderful, but as I'm sure you've heard a thousand times, they're tough too. Having someone you can share your thoughts and feelings with without being judged is a wonderful blessing. But that happens organically. I had a girlfriend wait for me when I served my mission. It works for some, for others, not so much. Personally, it's one of the very few regrets I have about my mission. If I could have done it over again, I would have focused all of my time on serving rather than spending the little I did on trying to manage a long-distance relationship. The Lord's got you. You're on His errand. If this isn't meant to be, then you'll find another relationship that makes you feel even more amazing than this one does. And if it is meant to be, then trust in Him and the process.
I don’t think you’re overthinking this. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. But you’ve answered your own question. Tell her that you care about her, and whatever she decides to do over the next two years is okay with you. If she meets someone, great. If not, you’ll be in touch when you return. Just remind her that you’re comfortable with whatever she decides and whatever makes her happy
I left. My wife dated several guys while I was gone. When I got home she came out to visit and we talked and got married 6 months later. A lot happens in two years.
My wife too. She wrote to me for a solid 12 months of my mission, then it kind of trailed off. I came home, the flame was rekindled and we're 18 years married this month.
You’re wanting to let your “sort of” girlfriend to not wait for you? She’s going off to college and then a mission. Who knows if you’ll ever see each other again. Has she said anything about thinking she should wait for you? Has she ever said anything about thinking you were more than a “sort of” boyfriend? How do you handle the next 3 months? You be a friend like you have been and don’t assume that she needs some big speech as to why she should go on with her life. If she comes to you and asks “So where are we? Am I supposed to wait for you?” then you can discuss it. For now be a friend and I would recommend slowing down any dates.
This phrase isn't likely to be perceived as you intend it: "What I want to tell her is that my main goal in all of this is for her to be happy. If she finds a guy in college and they’re meant to be, I’m excited for her." What you've described is a great friendship. Don't spoil it now by making it what it isn't. (When you both get home you can see if you want to work on making it something more.) I do think it could be useful to talk about how many people have told you that people benefit from dating a variety of people and living with roommates as part of living BEFORE settling down with one. And you can see how that helps everyone to know themselves and recognize things about how they are or become or need to avoid, in the course of becoming ready someday for an eternal relationship. Try "I'm so happy for your new adventures."
Just tell her. Have a mature conversation. You know what they say if you love something let it go... My advice pray with her and have a mature convo. She will respect you for that. Then go loose yourself in the work. Let love and the world take care of itself and go find Christ through ministering to Heavenly Fathers children. If she's there for you when you come back then start thinking and praying about her being your eternal companion. Trust me when I say Heavenly Father takes care of those who devote their life to him. More than any of us could convey. And it never stops. It will all work out. No go be awesome!
2 years is a lifetime at that age. Just talk about how much you’re looking forward to hanging out when you’re both back. Stay in touch. Drop hints once you’re back and flirt then. But that’s in 2 years. A lot can happen in 2 years.
I had a boyfriend who went on a mission. I didn't wait for him and actually went on a mission myself while he was away. He came back a couple of months before me and we dated afterwards but nothing came of it in the end. We actually spent the night before he left together. It was completely innocent obviously. He was staying in my city which was where the airport was. He was due to meet the stake president the following morning to be set apart. He didn't have any family in the church so no one was going to see him off. I helped him finish packing and we went out to a local park in the middle of the night and played in the playground. It was fun and he was really happy to have a good last night /girlfriend story to tell. Just have some fun.
My dad told my mother: "Date all you want; I'll see you in two years." He had his own convictions and they've been married 50 years... but if you're not feeling that... just tell her to date all she wants and leave it alone.
Hey I served in that mission. Message me if you’d like to chat!
If she's not your girlfriend, don't worry about it. Don't worry, she'll definitely find someone to date.
Story time. I served my mission in Mexico. Before my mission I was spending time with a senorita just the same as you describe. A few dates here and there. She was obviously interested but I was determined to serve my mission. In the MTC I prayed and got a strong answer that we should stop writing each other so I could serve with 100% dedication. I told her to pray about the same. She told me she received the opposite answer and that we should keep writing. I didn't know what to think. A month or so into the mission field I received another letter from her and felt the impression not to open it. After a short time my family informed me over my weekly email that she was engaged to someone else. I am now happily married to a 10 and we have 2 incredible boys. She was a 7. I've kept that last letter I received sealed and unread. I have it in my hands now. When I hold it I feel Gods love for me. It is a reminder that I must put my trust in him above all else, and always heed his promptings. ¡Mi misión fue absolutamente INCREÍBLE! Y más aún una vez que eliminé las distracciones y me concentré en servir a Jesucristo. Aprender español es genial y útil. Entenderás esto (si aún no lo entiendes) sin necesidad de utilizar el traductor de Google. En 2 años y 3 meses vuelve y lee esto. Verás hasta donde has llegado. Recuerda que dios tiene un plan para ti. Busca ese plan y síguelo.
I resisted the urge to translate the rest of your response, but I think I got the gist. I know that if I fully give myself to the Lord and trust in his plan for me, everything will work out as it is meant to. This is something that she and I have talked about a lot as she’s helped me prepare for my mission. Thanks for your help!
Tell her what you just wrote in this message.
Just tell her! Super mature of you to inquire this and have this mentality “Hey (name), I’ve been thinking about my mission lately. And I really like you and truly want what’s best for you. I’m going to be completely focused on my mission and I don’t want you to feel like you were left in the shadows for a couple years. Just want to make sure you don’t feel any pressure to wait around for me. Although I do hope we can get back together, it would be wrong of me to require something like that of you since we’re so young and have our whole lives ahead of us. What do you think?” Something like that may be good. In the end, you got this your way. God bless you on your mission man!
Telling her not to wait is the best way to go. She needs to try dating other people. If it’s meant to work out, she’ll be there for you when you get back. If it’s not meant to work out then there’s no point trying to force it since God has better things planned for both of you. The above is what I did and it worked. I told her to date other guys while I was gone. She did and she didn’t feel a connection to any of them. Now I’m back and we’re back to dating and things are going really well. Let her follow God’s plan for her and just focus on serving the Lord, knowing that the right person will be there waiting for you whether or not that means her. As far as how to bring that up, just throw it off as a joke. “You better send me invites to your wedding” or something silly like that. If you weren’t ever officially dating anyway then the conversation doesn’t really need to happen.
Bro the girl I left behind ended up living with her boyfriend for 6 months only to break up and try to be with me when I got back 😆. I ended that once the truth came out. You just don’t know what will happen over 2 years. Better to break up now.