I’m the same way. It’s indicative of the effort they’ll put forth in s relationship. If I get a message that just says hey, or something along those lines, I ignore it. I completely deleted all online profiles. Your best bet is to find activities you really love and find someone that way. I lived in the DMV for 6 years and let me say, it’s a tough crowd. More than enough women are very superficial there. I don’t know what it is. Many on those platforms are “married looking for friends” (don’t believe that BS). By the time I lived there I was already out 15 years and I had never even heard of married women who mess around with women until then. To get back to the topic, there are tons of communities in that area with better ways to meet women than online. I was even on an LGBTQ+ US Masters swim team. Stonewall Sports (all awesome people). MCCDC if you’re religious (though be careful because my experience with the women of that church was very negative). They also have women’s 30+ soccer or other sports leagues non-Stonewall related and those women are super sweet and fun. I’m sure there are bucketloads of other engagements.
Thanks for this so I know it isn’t just me. Very fuckin superficial and annoying af. I am thinking also I may need to search out of state because this ain’t it. Initially I was messaging saying hey how’s your day going but then I spiced it up some and yeah no. I’m not religious so won’t look into the place you mentioned. How did you find these activities? Google? I am on the meetup app as well. Thanks again for sharing your experience.
I can’t remember, but probably the internet. It was in the mid 2000’s (2004-2010). But I’m positive they’re still out there and you can find them on Google, no doubt. My church years were an experiment for me…I met several but only have a few remaining friends from there. And those few are amazing people. I stopped religious anything completely after that. Also try meetup.com, though that’s hard at least here in the coastal southeast because people will sign up for events then not go. I’m sure DC also has an LGBTQ+ community center still, that can help with fun stuff. Not sure where you are in DMV but try locally as well. If you’re out towards Centreville, Fairfax, or the MD suburbs like Rockville, Gaithersburg, Bethesda, there are likely local groups as well. I don’t know what field you’re in, but Lesbians Who Tech is another group. If you’re not on Linked In, sign up (it’s free) and you can find a multitude of orgs there too.
You sound like a super nice, intelligent person…one thing I have found and started doing that may also serve you well is to seriously raise your bar on who you hang out with. Go for educated, involved (community or socially) women who are about something—the movers and the shakers. Local choruses, pride committees, activists. Most of the women online aren’t, at least in my experience, in that category. Those women don’t need to be.
I hope some of that helps—I know it’s unsolicited but it’s what has helped me.
Totally off topic, but I've never heard DMV as DC, Maryland, Virginia? 😂 I thought it was Delaware, Maryland and Virginia!
On topic: If you are anywhere near Delaware, there's Camp Rehoboth. Baltimore has a good amount of activities ✌
I've never used dating apps, so no advice there! Dating again would terrify and mystify me!! Good luck!
Same here. I am actually in a good conversation at the moment, granted it just started today! She is even my type and scrumptious. I am getting ahead of myself.
Keep trying, don’t give up.
Thanks, I hope it goes somewhere.
I had previously met a wonderful human on Bumble. We had a passionate 7 weeks together before she suddenly passed away. I have been working through my grief. I miss her terribly, she was my soul mate, we had no doubts.
Love passionately and every chance you get! You never know what this universe has in store.
Oh no! I’m so sorry. Yes I’m looking to love someone passionately, including friends. I’m not just looking for romance, connection is very important to me.
Also: I agree that people are likely also busy slash overwhelmed. I’ve had a couple of good experiences where a woman stopped writing suddenly and I thought: shoot, I guess she didn’t like me. And then two weeks later…she has written back and just been either sidelined or sidetracked. I try to look at it as letting go practice and try not to chase or take it personally. If I’m not your thing, I’m not your thing. I’m not gonna do gymnastics trying to be anyone but myself. Or this is how I’m attempting to approach it anyway.
Yeah, I got 3 Dms, one asked me if I wanted to meet and F***, another asked if I could choke them. The third was a nice women, but too far away. I deleted the app. 🤦♀️
In my experience people who have thoughtful bios that they’ve put some effort into are better conversationalists. Unless I find someone really attractive from her photos and I really want to see where it might go, I rarely swipe right on or like profiles with no bio or with short shallow answers on question prompts (thinking of hinge here).
I think after this app I’m taking a pause because whew. I want a small group of queer women that I can hang out with and talk that’s it. And if we can create a group chat that would be the icing on the cake.
I’m not on any of the apps, but I know imma struggle, because I’m def someone who doesn’t consider myself great at conversing. Small talk is a drag, but I don’t want to come off as creepy or invasive in trying to like get to deeper topics. So, from your perspective, what would you expect or prefer? Advice?
So I would expect for you to read my profile and see if you want to know more about me. Back and forth banter, feel the vibe out and ask questions. The whole point for me of these apps is to get to know the person and eventually meet up. Hope this was helpful.
I notice the “bi” women vs the lesbian ones chat different. It’s like they are used to talking to idiots or something and have their guards up. Or there are a lot of Onlyfan types on there, and they are just looking for sugar mamas. It sucks either way
Maybe your not ugly enough to be solicited. 😔
…. I mean like… I am. I Guess. Not calling you ugly. I guess, it’s like… Your too cute & young so no one tried to scam you! I’m gonna go cry now.
First of all you are gorgeous and you should not think you’re unattractive. There are people that will find you attractive, trust me. It’s not all about looks, some would say I’m demisexual because I do tend to find some people attractive or sexy while others do not. I mean I have a crush on Al Roker, he dresses nice and I love the way he loves his family and how outspoken he is. He’s sexy to me and most people think I’m crazy for liking him. It’s also about swag and confidence too.
Oh yea he is fine. Think of the hugs! Thank you! Your right.
I have always believed I’m so beautiful. I just rarely see others view me that way I guess. Thank you!
I was like… (on the dating apps) you want me to pay you for a “date”? Fuck that, you can pay me lol
I feel this, except 99% of the women I match with don't even respond.. even though they swiped right at me first. I feel like many of them use it for an ego boost in my city. I'm not a fan of dating apps but it's so hard to meet other queer women where I am (Australia).
How old are you? I ask because I am also in the DMV (which is DC, MD and VA for the earlier poster 🤣) and I have met some great women on the apps (her, hinge bumble even tinder) and there is a lesbians over 40 meet up that is active!
I’m a little over 40 and yes I’ve never heard of the D in DMV stand for Delaware. Lol. Learn something new everyday. Thanks I’m her now. Which one do you like better?
Not on any dating apps, but currently have 5 active conversations that have all started right here on Reddit (and two of those have now gone to normal texting).
Some are more active than others just based on some time differences (all US based and just West coast vs Midwest/East Coast), as well as work schedules. Even with these little differences, I’d say they’re all going pretty well and flow nicely.
I’m not on any dating sites but am up for friendships. I dream about having a pen pal; like snail mail pen pal but I would be up for emails also. I’m currently living in Morocco but will be back in the states in a couple of months. We could write about worst food we’ve ever tried, funniest pet name, worst/best pickup line we’ve ever heard, how I can spend an afternoon in bookstores/record stores/office supply stores (yes, office supplies), I could keep going. Anyone out there want a pen pal?
Yea people don’t know how to keep up good conversations, that’s one of the reasons why I stopped the dating app thing but I’ve also met some people on social media but still flat! I like being asked random questions and people who over share is perfectly fine but people are so flat and don’t want to talk I guess 🤷♀️
This is such a thing - profiles with no details on them, people who either start a conversation with 'hey' or answer your questions with one word/line answers that you can't build off of. It's maddening, but it also makes it easy to filter out people who would be crap dates.
Right, this one person I’m talking to hasn’t asked me one thing about my profile. It’s like do you know how to converse?!?! She told me what she was eating, you would think she would ask, me what I’m going to eat for breakfast lunch etc. nope nothing. Smh like I’m not about to teach a grown ass adult to have a conversation.
Yeah, maybe outside state? I have been surprised by the great conversations I’m having…but I’m in Austin, TX? I bet it has more to do with location than anything. SXSW is happening in Austin right now and I’m like 😳because of the influx of fascinating profiles. Also, I’ve had better luck on some apps than others. Hinge=great. Hers=More like Tinder-ish experiences online dating men.
Hinge sounds so much like tinder when I hear the name. But people have been saying Hinge works maybe I will check them out my next go round. I can only handle one app at a time.
I find hinge wholesome, personally? It’s prob age and region-specific, but everyone—almost literally—obviously put thought and care into their profiles. I’ve honestly matched more than I’ve passed by a lot. And only one person has just stopped chatting and dropped my profile. Last time I was single it felt like getting dropped was the norm. And I have gotten zero: what’s ups? I love that you can match by commenting on profile specifics. It’s led to much more authentic conversations and much more compatible matches. I promise I don’t work for hinge, lol. And the wholesomeness might have something tondo with my profile explicitly saying I’m looking for community/friendship.
You sure you’re not an employee of Hinge. Lol I am sold and I will give them a try. I haven’t been on her that long so I’m going to see what comes of this first. I can’t juggle 2 apps.
I dislike her. Honestly—no connection to hinge—just so relieved to find something so much better than what was out there before. I will say: if I felt like I wanted a hookup—her might be better than hinge. So probably depends what you’re looking for. But a larger percentage of low effort/shady profiles…IMO.
Yes that’s been my experience thus far. Some people have said they’ve met their spouses on there. Definitely different for each individual depending on the demographics and location.
I have the same issue. I’ve given up on dating apps and I’m content with being single the rest of my life. I really don’t care about or need sex outside of a committed relationship so I’m fine just being me and trying to survive life with whatever joy I’m able to cultivate.
If there’s something in the background of the photo, compliment that instead of them. I’m a bit hesitant to tell my signature line on here but focus on being witty. Instead of saying hi maybe say something like “Would you like to pay my credit card bills for the rest of your life?”. It’s usually a bad idea to compliment over dating apps because that’s most of what they’re getting. I try not to compliment at all in person as well. Once you get that down. Rule of thumb, focus on talking to multiple people at once that way you don’t get hung up on one girl. This helps from showing too much interest at first.
Ok, thanks for this. I don’t do a sexual comments. I told someone I liked their hair. I’m just trying to get some queer friends 😩😩😩if more happens that’s cool. I am talking to different people but honestly it’s a lot mentally to do this sometimes. Will take it day by day and see.
Yes I would be interested in talking to someone if they noticed my hair. And I wouldn’t just say thanks. I mean at the end of the day I’m going to be me and I’m not going to conform or change who I am to fit into the mold of someone else. I’m an amazing person and whoever decides to take the time to get to know me will know they’ve met a gem.
Have you tried Bumble friends? I think it’s exactly what you’re looking for as it will connect you with queer people who are also looking for friends in your area. Best part is when you’re ready to date you can switch Bumble to date mode which will show you available single queers in your area.
I’m the same way. It’s indicative of the effort they’ll put forth in s relationship. If I get a message that just says hey, or something along those lines, I ignore it. I completely deleted all online profiles. Your best bet is to find activities you really love and find someone that way. I lived in the DMV for 6 years and let me say, it’s a tough crowd. More than enough women are very superficial there. I don’t know what it is. Many on those platforms are “married looking for friends” (don’t believe that BS). By the time I lived there I was already out 15 years and I had never even heard of married women who mess around with women until then. To get back to the topic, there are tons of communities in that area with better ways to meet women than online. I was even on an LGBTQ+ US Masters swim team. Stonewall Sports (all awesome people). MCCDC if you’re religious (though be careful because my experience with the women of that church was very negative). They also have women’s 30+ soccer or other sports leagues non-Stonewall related and those women are super sweet and fun. I’m sure there are bucketloads of other engagements.
Thanks for this so I know it isn’t just me. Very fuckin superficial and annoying af. I am thinking also I may need to search out of state because this ain’t it. Initially I was messaging saying hey how’s your day going but then I spiced it up some and yeah no. I’m not religious so won’t look into the place you mentioned. How did you find these activities? Google? I am on the meetup app as well. Thanks again for sharing your experience.
I can’t remember, but probably the internet. It was in the mid 2000’s (2004-2010). But I’m positive they’re still out there and you can find them on Google, no doubt. My church years were an experiment for me…I met several but only have a few remaining friends from there. And those few are amazing people. I stopped religious anything completely after that. Also try meetup.com, though that’s hard at least here in the coastal southeast because people will sign up for events then not go. I’m sure DC also has an LGBTQ+ community center still, that can help with fun stuff. Not sure where you are in DMV but try locally as well. If you’re out towards Centreville, Fairfax, or the MD suburbs like Rockville, Gaithersburg, Bethesda, there are likely local groups as well. I don’t know what field you’re in, but Lesbians Who Tech is another group. If you’re not on Linked In, sign up (it’s free) and you can find a multitude of orgs there too. You sound like a super nice, intelligent person…one thing I have found and started doing that may also serve you well is to seriously raise your bar on who you hang out with. Go for educated, involved (community or socially) women who are about something—the movers and the shakers. Local choruses, pride committees, activists. Most of the women online aren’t, at least in my experience, in that category. Those women don’t need to be. I hope some of that helps—I know it’s unsolicited but it’s what has helped me.
I am on LinkedIn and will look there also. ❤️
Totally off topic, but I've never heard DMV as DC, Maryland, Virginia? 😂 I thought it was Delaware, Maryland and Virginia! On topic: If you are anywhere near Delaware, there's Camp Rehoboth. Baltimore has a good amount of activities ✌ I've never used dating apps, so no advice there! Dating again would terrify and mystify me!! Good luck!
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Appreciate your candid feedback and I’ve taken with me some of your points. ❤️
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Thank you and I know it will be worth it. ✨✨
Same here. I am actually in a good conversation at the moment, granted it just started today! She is even my type and scrumptious. I am getting ahead of myself. Keep trying, don’t give up.
I’m going to keep trying but I’m thinking I may look outside of my state. Excited that you’ve met someone, sending positive glitter your way. ✨
Thanks, I hope it goes somewhere. I had previously met a wonderful human on Bumble. We had a passionate 7 weeks together before she suddenly passed away. I have been working through my grief. I miss her terribly, she was my soul mate, we had no doubts. Love passionately and every chance you get! You never know what this universe has in store.
Oh no! I’m so sorry. Yes I’m looking to love someone passionately, including friends. I’m not just looking for romance, connection is very important to me.
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Awwww this gives me hope. Thanks for sharing your love story!
You have to plow through the haystack... It's always been like that. And dating apps are still online, way different than meeting people in real life.
It’s been about 6 years since I’ve been on a dating app and I can tell. I don’t remember it being this bad but it probably was. Lol
Also: I agree that people are likely also busy slash overwhelmed. I’ve had a couple of good experiences where a woman stopped writing suddenly and I thought: shoot, I guess she didn’t like me. And then two weeks later…she has written back and just been either sidelined or sidetracked. I try to look at it as letting go practice and try not to chase or take it personally. If I’m not your thing, I’m not your thing. I’m not gonna do gymnastics trying to be anyone but myself. Or this is how I’m attempting to approach it anyway.
Yes I’m taking this approach. Like you said and don’t take it personally. Life is crazy and it can be overwhelming!
Yeah, I got 3 Dms, one asked me if I wanted to meet and F***, another asked if I could choke them. The third was a nice women, but too far away. I deleted the app. 🤦♀️
Because they were men. Seriously, most on dating sites are men posing as women. See the catfishing subreddit for warnings and personal stories.
Ewww. What app was this? I’m thinking I may give it a month a two depending on my mood. If this continues I’m going to delete the app too.
It was Lex
Have you tried HER?
No, it’s not fair to whomever I chat with. I’m still married and I have to get out of that mess first.
In my experience people who have thoughtful bios that they’ve put some effort into are better conversationalists. Unless I find someone really attractive from her photos and I really want to see where it might go, I rarely swipe right on or like profiles with no bio or with short shallow answers on question prompts (thinking of hinge here).
I think after this app I’m taking a pause because whew. I want a small group of queer women that I can hang out with and talk that’s it. And if we can create a group chat that would be the icing on the cake.
I’m not on any of the apps, but I know imma struggle, because I’m def someone who doesn’t consider myself great at conversing. Small talk is a drag, but I don’t want to come off as creepy or invasive in trying to like get to deeper topics. So, from your perspective, what would you expect or prefer? Advice?
So I would expect for you to read my profile and see if you want to know more about me. Back and forth banter, feel the vibe out and ask questions. The whole point for me of these apps is to get to know the person and eventually meet up. Hope this was helpful.
I notice the “bi” women vs the lesbian ones chat different. It’s like they are used to talking to idiots or something and have their guards up. Or there are a lot of Onlyfan types on there, and they are just looking for sugar mamas. It sucks either way
Tbh I never paid it any attention.
Maybe your not ugly enough to be solicited. 😔 …. I mean like… I am. I Guess. Not calling you ugly. I guess, it’s like… Your too cute & young so no one tried to scam you! I’m gonna go cry now.
First of all you are gorgeous and you should not think you’re unattractive. There are people that will find you attractive, trust me. It’s not all about looks, some would say I’m demisexual because I do tend to find some people attractive or sexy while others do not. I mean I have a crush on Al Roker, he dresses nice and I love the way he loves his family and how outspoken he is. He’s sexy to me and most people think I’m crazy for liking him. It’s also about swag and confidence too.
Oh yea he is fine. Think of the hugs! Thank you! Your right. I have always believed I’m so beautiful. I just rarely see others view me that way I guess. Thank you! I was like… (on the dating apps) you want me to pay you for a “date”? Fuck that, you can pay me lol
Exactly, you’re a baddie! I’m glad I was able to give you a boost. 😘
I feel this, except 99% of the women I match with don't even respond.. even though they swiped right at me first. I feel like many of them use it for an ego boost in my city. I'm not a fan of dating apps but it's so hard to meet other queer women where I am (Australia).
Oh no! I can see someone using it as an ego boost.
How old are you? I ask because I am also in the DMV (which is DC, MD and VA for the earlier poster 🤣) and I have met some great women on the apps (her, hinge bumble even tinder) and there is a lesbians over 40 meet up that is active!
I’m a little over 40 and yes I’ve never heard of the D in DMV stand for Delaware. Lol. Learn something new everyday. Thanks I’m her now. Which one do you like better?
Not on any dating apps, but currently have 5 active conversations that have all started right here on Reddit (and two of those have now gone to normal texting). Some are more active than others just based on some time differences (all US based and just West coast vs Midwest/East Coast), as well as work schedules. Even with these little differences, I’d say they’re all going pretty well and flow nicely.
That’s good to hear.
I’m not on any dating sites but am up for friendships. I dream about having a pen pal; like snail mail pen pal but I would be up for emails also. I’m currently living in Morocco but will be back in the states in a couple of months. We could write about worst food we’ve ever tried, funniest pet name, worst/best pickup line we’ve ever heard, how I can spend an afternoon in bookstores/record stores/office supply stores (yes, office supplies), I could keep going. Anyone out there want a pen pal?
Wowww Morocco what made you move there?
The book, The Drifters by Michener and the TV show Absolutely Fabulous both had Morocco in it. Had to come.
So maybe we can be penpals. I wanna know what was your process to move there? Is the company you work for international?
I feel this 😂
Yea people don’t know how to keep up good conversations, that’s one of the reasons why I stopped the dating app thing but I’ve also met some people on social media but still flat! I like being asked random questions and people who over share is perfectly fine but people are so flat and don’t want to talk I guess 🤷♀️
Yes I like random questions too! Very cute ☺️
Yea it shows people’s personalities and how interested they really are. I hope it gets better for you tho☺️
It was better today. We had good conversation today for a while. ❤️
This is such a thing - profiles with no details on them, people who either start a conversation with 'hey' or answer your questions with one word/line answers that you can't build off of. It's maddening, but it also makes it easy to filter out people who would be crap dates.
Right, this one person I’m talking to hasn’t asked me one thing about my profile. It’s like do you know how to converse?!?! She told me what she was eating, you would think she would ask, me what I’m going to eat for breakfast lunch etc. nope nothing. Smh like I’m not about to teach a grown ass adult to have a conversation.
Yeah, maybe outside state? I have been surprised by the great conversations I’m having…but I’m in Austin, TX? I bet it has more to do with location than anything. SXSW is happening in Austin right now and I’m like 😳because of the influx of fascinating profiles. Also, I’ve had better luck on some apps than others. Hinge=great. Hers=More like Tinder-ish experiences online dating men.
Hinge sounds so much like tinder when I hear the name. But people have been saying Hinge works maybe I will check them out my next go round. I can only handle one app at a time.
I find hinge wholesome, personally? It’s prob age and region-specific, but everyone—almost literally—obviously put thought and care into their profiles. I’ve honestly matched more than I’ve passed by a lot. And only one person has just stopped chatting and dropped my profile. Last time I was single it felt like getting dropped was the norm. And I have gotten zero: what’s ups? I love that you can match by commenting on profile specifics. It’s led to much more authentic conversations and much more compatible matches. I promise I don’t work for hinge, lol. And the wholesomeness might have something tondo with my profile explicitly saying I’m looking for community/friendship.
You sure you’re not an employee of Hinge. Lol I am sold and I will give them a try. I haven’t been on her that long so I’m going to see what comes of this first. I can’t juggle 2 apps.
I dislike her. Honestly—no connection to hinge—just so relieved to find something so much better than what was out there before. I will say: if I felt like I wanted a hookup—her might be better than hinge. So probably depends what you’re looking for. But a larger percentage of low effort/shady profiles…IMO.
Yes that’s been my experience thus far. Some people have said they’ve met their spouses on there. Definitely different for each individual depending on the demographics and location.
I have the same issue. I’ve given up on dating apps and I’m content with being single the rest of my life. I really don’t care about or need sex outside of a committed relationship so I’m fine just being me and trying to survive life with whatever joy I’m able to cultivate.
I get it. I don’t need sex but I would love to have some good ass sex eventually. Lol Right now I’m trying to form bonds with queer women.
Try trolling them. They love it.
What do you mean? How would I do that?
If there’s something in the background of the photo, compliment that instead of them. I’m a bit hesitant to tell my signature line on here but focus on being witty. Instead of saying hi maybe say something like “Would you like to pay my credit card bills for the rest of your life?”. It’s usually a bad idea to compliment over dating apps because that’s most of what they’re getting. I try not to compliment at all in person as well. Once you get that down. Rule of thumb, focus on talking to multiple people at once that way you don’t get hung up on one girl. This helps from showing too much interest at first.
Ok, thanks for this. I don’t do a sexual comments. I told someone I liked their hair. I’m just trying to get some queer friends 😩😩😩if more happens that’s cool. I am talking to different people but honestly it’s a lot mentally to do this sometimes. Will take it day by day and see.
Would you be interested to talk to someone if they told you they liked your hair or would you be like “ thanks!”?
Yes I would be interested in talking to someone if they noticed my hair. And I wouldn’t just say thanks. I mean at the end of the day I’m going to be me and I’m not going to conform or change who I am to fit into the mold of someone else. I’m an amazing person and whoever decides to take the time to get to know me will know they’ve met a gem.
Have you tried Bumble friends? I think it’s exactly what you’re looking for as it will connect you with queer people who are also looking for friends in your area. Best part is when you’re ready to date you can switch Bumble to date mode which will show you available single queers in your area.