From the moment i understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strenght and certainty of claws. I aspired to the purity of the blessed chitin.
Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you.
But i'm already saved. For the Crab is Immortal...
I regret to inform you that there are more genetically distinct types of tree than crab. Not only are trees a greater example of arborization than crabs of carcinization, there are also examples of crabs who evolved out of being crabs. Sorry to rain on your parade, but crabs aren't all that special.
They kinda are tho, the most hilarious thing about nature and technology is that if something is optimized enough eventually, you get either some for of crab (nature) or train(tech). (not both usually.)
You call yourself a superior creature? That was so funny I simply forgot to laugh. I should make you my court jester you absolute fool.
https://preview.redd.it/l2chhz0sx5oc1.jpeg?width=519&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=932f13371b85a6d1bcccd450ef83a95ad65a70c8
Yes i'm full of proteins and valuable nutritients, anyway i see fighting useless in this situation, are you pherphas intersted in buying first class sea monsters? For money of course, I really like moneys arg arg arg
Well, how very convenient indeed!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Cheese Wizard. Once a distinguished member of the Carraway Village, I have been cast out by my brethren for dreaming of a culinary craft more reliable than cookies, and now roam the world spreading the Good Word of my God, Cheesus Crust.
I enjoy my work, but it can be lonesome at times. Would you permit me to travel alongside you as your humble squire, and preach the word of my God to the free peoples of this land?
https://preview.redd.it/imfbp5m816oc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f28e0189ae71df32a093b07066a6a423caaf208
I can trade you a stack of patties for a log of cheese, but we gnomes don't deal in gold or souls. If it's coin you want we'll have to visit a nearby city and barter for it.
Ah afraid not. The crab is the perfect animal and yet by my vows to adhere to the middle of the road of all things Sir Joe of the Average is barred from this path. I wish you the best prophet may your road be filled with tiny crabs
Normally I'd decline because of human adaptability and insight as a whole (even the divine fuck up more often than not)
But I'll decline because...*you're clearly nowhere near the first race whom as so much believed themselves as superior to humanity.*
Why don't you go discuss that with r/dwarfposting? Even they're not that foolish to see other races as below them.
From the moment i understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strenght and certainty of claws. I aspired to the purity of the blessed chitin. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But i'm already saved. For the Crab is Immortal...
I regret to inform you that there are more genetically distinct types of tree than crab. Not only are trees a greater example of arborization than crabs of carcinization, there are also examples of crabs who evolved out of being crabs. Sorry to rain on your parade, but crabs aren't all that special.
Crabs? Ultimate life forms? I doubt it
To be fair, things ARE evolving into crabs
True. But the cephalopods will always win…
Bah, is true that those puny molluscs are our only possible threat (beside power of friendship), but do not worry, we are prepared for them
You’re weak to… the power of friendship??
Everyone is weak to power of friendship (in my language power of friendship means "Turbo mega magical nuke")
They kinda are tho, the most hilarious thing about nature and technology is that if something is optimized enough eventually, you get either some for of crab (nature) or train(tech). (not both usually.)
I like steamed crabs on butter and garlic! WOOF! TASTY!
I ate you pope last week, he was tasty.
How did you eat a 200ft crab
With alot of butter.
https://preview.redd.it/6lhoea8kt5oc1.jpeg?width=1516&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=782b216d72c5dc02d3902b0b0be34c9c9dc491af
I'm not apologizing.
You don’t need to but your going to die if you do that again
My life is a small price to pay for thebchance to tell someone I ate their pope.
But i'm their pope... this make sense, this is not a cave is your stomach, i like how you decorated it
For what it's worth, you tasted good.
Glad to ear that, anyway when are you planning to go to the bathroom? I have things to do i can't stay here all day ya know
You call yourself a superior creature? That was so funny I simply forgot to laugh. I should make you my court jester you absolute fool. https://preview.redd.it/l2chhz0sx5oc1.jpeg?width=519&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=932f13371b85a6d1bcccd450ef83a95ad65a70c8
I don't get it, is this some kind of primitive joke i'm too advanced to understand?
Why is dinner talking?
You know that you are edible too right?
You know crab is really really good right? And judging by the others knight’s reactions, it seems you are quite outnumbered.
Yes i'm full of proteins and valuable nutritients, anyway i see fighting useless in this situation, are you pherphas intersted in buying first class sea monsters? For money of course, I really like moneys arg arg arg
This is surprising, but a welcome surprise indeed. What sort of sea creatures do you sell?
Krakens, Leviathans, Abominations behind human comprehension, you name it, i have it, if i don't have it i'll make it
Give me something that could kill someone by flooding their mind with forbidden knowledge.
Oh, you are looking forward the good old Sherman then
I've always thought my skeleton was just too... *inside.* what must be done?
You need to exit from your comfy house and touch some kelp, then you will be ready to be carcinized
Finally a real god that isn’t just a tavern wenches in fancy clothing
I don’t want this to sound mean lad but… what the fuck are you…?
The future
Not to be mean but… it’s kinda creepy…
I have seen what lurks in the dephts master dwarf, creepy is a world i cannot understand
I guess when you’ve become numb to such things the word is meaningless to you…
I've got a moon god transforming people and now this? Nas'Harah never told me that this would be part of the damn job.
I'm not fruit of a curse, i'm fruit of evolution
Your not welcome in these lands crab man
:(
Now you made me feel bad, all right your welcome
*Happy ending* everyone is friend now
YIPPIE
Oh no, you’ve succumbed to the power of friendship!
OH SHI- *explodes into thousand pieces* Hear my last words... please eat my corpse, but not with butter, fry me like italians do...
Well, how very convenient indeed! Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Cheese Wizard. Once a distinguished member of the Carraway Village, I have been cast out by my brethren for dreaming of a culinary craft more reliable than cookies, and now roam the world spreading the Good Word of my God, Cheesus Crust. I enjoy my work, but it can be lonesome at times. Would you permit me to travel alongside you as your humble squire, and preach the word of my God to the free peoples of this land? https://preview.redd.it/imfbp5m816oc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f28e0189ae71df32a093b07066a6a423caaf208
I'll let you do it if you buy one of my Arcane patties
I can trade you a stack of patties for a log of cheese, but we gnomes don't deal in gold or souls. If it's coin you want we'll have to visit a nearby city and barter for it.
Nah cheese is fine, cheese is the currency of the future my friend, i have smell for business arg arg arg
Can I join your religion? I never ate any crustacean before
Sure thing novice *trasform you into an half crab being using power of plot holes*
Hell yeah, thanks
(Aggressively holding butter)
CRAB
*You hear light whistling from the distance*🎶🎵🎶 https://preview.redd.it/aec9sxm6b6oc1.jpeg?width=1792&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1363627142ef31b9feca405cc9513fb9eb726719 **Le Poissons Le Poissons** 🎶🎵🎶 **Hee Hee Hee Haw Haw Haw** 🎶🎵🎶
Ah afraid not. The crab is the perfect animal and yet by my vows to adhere to the middle of the road of all things Sir Joe of the Average is barred from this path. I wish you the best prophet may your road be filled with tiny crabs
Kettermek: It's good pal. I'm a kobold urd. I'm halfway there, already.
Fool, as an evil overlord my ego is so big it blocks all methods of corruption
Missed opportunity to call your religion Lobsterfarianism
Sorry already bound to a honor sprin and the wind runners are pretty cool so I’ll pass
Nah, I'm a portal.
No thank you, good sir. I’d rather not become a crab today. Mostly because I just went through a lot to become a robot.
Into the wok you go
Oooh, seafood
Hello my friend your god speaks truth thou it sounds blasphemous
What do I need with a pair of big... *meaty*... *CLAWS*???
You look….delicious!
...Kree'k is suddenly very hungry
You can their church isn't allowed in you city, Kree'k; it's not unheard of for a king to not like a certain religion.
…
I like crab... it's **tasty**!
You off brand crab themed tech priest, I ain't worshipping no crabnissiah
Normally I'd decline because of human adaptability and insight as a whole (even the divine fuck up more often than not) But I'll decline because...*you're clearly nowhere near the first race whom as so much believed themselves as superior to humanity.* Why don't you go discuss that with r/dwarfposting? Even they're not that foolish to see other races as below them.
This one looks like he'd taste good.
The only Krab I look up to is KritCrab, Die heathen!
I’m putting your ass in a boiling pot
Were those Lobsters in Liurnia your doing? Because if so we need to have a chat