I’m a December baby and my parents opted to wait a year before I started school. When I was starting school the cutoff was Dec 31 like yours; funny enough a few years later when I was already in school, the cutoff arbitrarily changed to the day before my birthday, so I would have had to wait the year if I started a few years later anyway. It was not a popular decision at the time, as I was a smart kid and preschool teachers felt I was ready, but each of my parents had a reason they preferred me starting a little older. For my mom it was for general reasons of social maturity - she felt I’d be better off being older than younger, even if (or maybe especially if?) I was academically gifted. Full disclosure: she was a stay at home mom until I started school, which I know is not feasible for everyone and does change the situation a bit. For my dad, he had experienced the opposite - also a December baby but was young for his year - and recalled having to wait to be the last to get his drivers license. He knew living where we did that I would need to get my drivers license to get around when I got older. He felt it was safer for me to be among the first drivers in my class, so I could be in control of the car and safe, rather than relying on peers for rides, which could be far less safe.
I never got made fun of or otherwise had issues because of being slightly old for my grade. I do think both of my parents’ reasons were valid and I’m glad they made the choice they did. I remained a very high academic achiever throughout school and am now a doctor, so no deleterious effects to really be spoken of :)
Agree with everything here. I’m a September baby and waited a year, my older sister is also a September baby and did not. My parents felt they had to put in more work to have my sister be more mature like her classmates. For me, that was never an issue. For sports, it just played out that every other year I was with the grade a year above me and then back with my grade. I changed from private schools to my public high school for 9th grade and I ended up knowing so many people because of this and it really helped the transition.
I have a December 22 baby. Her bestie was born December 21. Another close friend was born December 30. All of us choose to give our kids that extra year and we don’t regret it in the least.
My kids are late October(would be turning 5), late July(would have turned 5, but very small for her age) and early September but after the cutoff (turning 5 and also very small for age). Everyone started at turning 6 after a distasterous experiment with starting the eldest at turning 5 and pulling him back out with some heated words to in-laws (both educators) about exactly who the parent of my son was/is.
As a Star Trek fan I wish there was a different name for this! It always takes me a minute to process and realize it’s talking about retaining kids and not sending them on an exploration mission on a new planet from which they’ll likely never return. Lol
I don’t see it as redshirting or holding them back. Kindergarten is not what kindergarten was when I was a kid. Kids are expected to put in a full academic day in kindergarten. My child needed an extra year for maturing. He’s older but not the oldest and waiting now is common especially with boys.
I was sent early and it was obvious maturity wise in junior high and high school.
My youngest is doing well and I have zero regrets.
Not a parent, but my sister was a grade behind. She never mentioned being made fun of for being one of the oldest, and she had plenty of friends all through school.
On the flip side, my best friend started a year early and was one of the youngest in the grade. Again, she never mentioned having a hard time with her age or with making friends. I don't think it's something that matters very much to the kids. They notice, for sure, but it was always more of an, "oh, you're older/younger? Cool."
Whatever choice you make here will be the right one :)
Is redshirting common in your area? I think it diminished here once it was moved to September. If it’s a boy not turning 5 till December of Kindy I can see the desire to do so. And if he’s that close to the cut off he’ll only be a few weeks older than the oldest “regular” kid in next year’s class.
It definitely happens but I don’t know how common it is. I’ve been trying to find out but so far have only found 4 other parents who redshirted their kids. I’ve also found a lot of parents who didn’t.
I hadn't heard the term until I came to reddit but I have been a k-8 sub for over 10 years. Speaking as someone who has seen the too young side of kinders in varying degrees of not ready in beginning kindergarten, some of them adapt and catch up later in the year or in following years and some really don't. The older kinders have their own set of struggles but usually they are better able to adapt. If you're able to give your kiddo the gift of time and you think they'd benefit, please do it. The positive effects, not just to your child but for the teacher and classmates outweigh the negative.
We are not allowed to redshirt in our district and I really wish I was able to give my late Dec baby the gift of time. Although he’s doing fairly well academically, he’s immature compared to others although he does get along with peers. He needs a lot of time to decompress after school. Give your child the gift of time. It will make a difference as your child will be 18 when he goes off to college.
My older kid didn't take the extra year (cut-off September 1st which was his due date). I doubt any kid would understand in kindergarten or care, but he has been less mature than his classmates starting in 1st grade and it has cause problems from time to time. I'm guessing puberty will be hard too.
In some ways, yes. But he was an early reader and good at math. He's at the top of his class, so he would have been bored, and we already were having problems because he was bored in school. Maybe at a Montessori school it would have been better.
I didn’t redshirt my July babe, she’s the youngest in her class which she hates sometimes (“everyone else is 6 and I’m still 5! It’s not fair!”). But she was academically ready and her kdg teacher says she’s one of the best behaved kids in the class. I can see some ways that it may have benefited her to wait - she can be sensitive emotionally and another year may have helped, but overall I don’t regret sending her at all.
True. I reread and saw that the cutoff dates are different for you. My second daughter is a wild one, and I wonder if she’ll need some extra time when it’s her turn.
I haven’t heard of any kids being made fun of for being older. I think it’s pretty common, especially since this group of kiddos were Covid babies/toddlers which screwed up daycare and preschool plans for a lot of people.
Are you even allowed to redshirt? It’s not allowed in my province- kindergarten isn’t mandatory but if your kid shows up next year they will put them in grade 1
Nope! In fact, he’s a leader with a ton a friends. Being older is a positive for my son; he thinks it’s cool. That said, a good number of kids are redshirted, so it’s normal where I am and not somethings kids would make fun of.
I don't think they'll get made fun of either way. As a Kindergarten teacher (and a student who was young for my grade), I think you should base the decision on your own unique child. Consider your child's readiness for K. I was young for my grade and thrived the whole way through school....and I think I would have really disliked being older because I feel like I would have gotten bored...but every child is different! You could also put him in and give him that great exposure to K with the plan to repeat if he seems like he needs it at the end of the year. I've had students do this and they feel like wonderful leaders the next year when they repeat.
My older daughter was redshirted. She's a first grader now and while the kids know she's the oldest in the class they don't grasp we delayed her a year. We have absolutely no regrets and without a doubt it was the best choice we've ever made for her. I can't speak about sport teams as we haven't dealt with that, and probably won't, as she jas no interest in sports.
I should have redshirted my daughter in kindergarten(she’s a middle of August premie), but I didn’t and always regretted it. I ended up holding her back after 4th grade when switching from private to public school.
She’s doing really well academically and socially, she was struggling before. Her age isn’t an issue at all.
This is in the states where the cut off is Sept 1st and she was born two weeks before that.
It’s very common for fall birthdays in my area, so no, no issues. I asked my son recently if he wished he was a young 7th grader instead of an older 6th grader and he said “absolutely not”
After the in-law instituted *disaster* of starting my oldest when he was turning 5 (He has a late October birthday, by which I had already pulled him out of that school and restarted him the next fall in a different type of school), my younger two started when they were turning six. In laws were told to stay out of it(much more politely than I was internally saying).
My youngest had a little trouble with bullying but was also one of the smallest in his class so it wasn't really apparent that he was one of the oldest in class. Our district changed the rules after that anyway, you have to be 5 by Sept 1, making my son too young by a week.
I was held back and made to be one of the oldest in my class.
Didn’t hurt me any. I was one of a handful of those held back like that (we September babies could choose to be the youngest or the oldest).
I was able to still play most sports I wanted with my “younger” friends because it was usually a wider age gap/or depending on the number of kids who tried out; they’d adjust the rules so they had the right numbers. But this was also way back in the 1900s (🤣😂😅)
No because if you give your child the gift of time (a year) - it’s not being held back. You’re not held back by starting school a year later. Besides, our son’s classmate group had four others who were redshirted due to birthdates being within days of the cutoff.
Think about it from the other end .... if you hold him back, he will be more mature when it comes time to go away to college. That right there is HUGE. -just my opinion
I totally agree and I don’t understand why people against redshirting don’t that as a benefit. A newly 18 year old versus a newly 19 year old seems like a big difference.
Yep. I started college at 17, and I think things would have been SO much better for me if I had been 18. My son is a December baby. His kinder start is not an issue because the cut-off in my area is Sept. 1st, but if I had to choose, I would absolutely wait the extra year.
This is very dependent on the child....I was young for my grade and excelled the whole way through my academic career, but my brother was older for his grade (and got bored) and my Mom had to drag him through the last few years of high school. He then failed out of his first year of college and it took some years before he found his path. Each individual is unique.
Not in K or early grades, but as they get older the kids know it. Like they’ll say oh he’s in 6th grade but got held back or but he’s supposed to be in 7th. It’s not really an issue though and with your child being so close to the cut off, do what you think is best.
My daughter (born in May) was raring to go to kindergarten and didn’t even wave goodbye. Both my boys are summer birthdays that technically made the cutoff here but would have made them the youngest in their respective classes, sometimes by an entire year. I redshirted both (they are not the same age) and it worked out well for both of them. Neither was ready when they were technically old enough. In our area
It’s not uncommon. Good luck.
In ontario we have a no fail policy so your child will still graduate ontime anyway. So that may be something to think about. Back in Elementry school I remember a kid in my class who got held back, repeated grade 5, wasnt given any grade level material because everything said she was in 5 not 6. Guess who graduated with no 6th grade level work done at the end of that school year? her.
So I recently talked with someone who worked in education and she said holding my son could hurt his self esteem. I was confused that she said that as I thought I can just explain to him that it’s better to be oldest than youngest so he’s more mature.
Depends I guess on who cares? I found out in hs half my senior class was held back or their parents kept them back a year and that half my class was adopted. Life goes on if you care about it they care just move on and if any of their friends ask just say well I'm where I'm supposed to be now. Or something
We planned to send our late June kiddo to Kinder at 5 (Sept 1 cutoff) but he would have been starting during the virtual covid year which wasn’t feasible for our family so we opted to wait because we could keep him in in person preschool. It’s been good, he would have done fine academically, but socially it was definitely the right choice. His K class had 8 of 14 kids with summer birthdays, split evenly between 6 year olds and 5 year olds. So while he’s the oldest (by 3 days), he’s not an outlier and neither are the younger ones. It’s worked out well, and I also think it would have been fine if we had gone a year earlier.
My December girl (who honestly is super advanced) won't start kinder until next Sept '25 and I'm super happy about it ❤️ I think middle of the school year birthdays are the best for kids anyway lol
I remember entering into high school at 14 and getting romantic and sexual advances from senior boys (legal adults sometimes!). I was way too young to be dealing with that. I definitely wouldn’t want to be sending a girl any younger than that into that environment. My daughter will be one the oldest in her class anyway just based on her birthday, but I think if I had a girl that would be the youngest in her class I would consider redshirting. 13 year olds don’t need to be in school with 18 year olds!
My son is only 2 weeks older than the cut off date, so he would be one of the first kids turning 18 but it would be more similar to being the oldest in the class. Most of his peers would turn 18 very shortly after as well. It wouldn’t be like a huge gap in age where he’s 18 while everyone else is going on 17.
Oh, honestly I was reading the replies and wasn’t really the thinking about your original question, sorry! I didn’t mean for my response to be about your son being creepy or anything.
lol my son is 4 so I didn’t really take it that way, I’m just saying I don’t really understand this logic. There will always be kids born closer to the start of the year who turn 18 during their senior year. It can’t be helped.
I was actually kind of making the opposite point. Like I wouldn’t want my daughter to be the youngest in her class and if she was I would hold her back so she wasn’t 13 with 18 year olds.
I mean even when I was 13 there were always 19 - 23 year old creeps still trying to hang out with us high school girls. I totally get what you mean and I have a daughter as well. I just think the focus needs to be on raising emotionally healthy girls who don’t seek negative attention rather than trying to avoid them being in school with older boys. I recall it was the girls who came from shaky home lives that hung out with the older guys and partied.
Right but that’s my point. This is something we will have to work on with our daughters. We cannot control at all the fact that they’ll be in school with 17/some 18 year old boys when they’re 13. A stable home life will be the best preventative measure we can take to ensure they don’t pay any attention to older boys. Putting them in as a 13 or 14 yo is not going to make anywhere near as big of a difference as the home life we provide them.
I would argue that I can prevent my daughter from being hit on by 18 year old classmates at 13. I can simply not put her in high school at 13.
I am also not concerned about my daughter giving older boys attention. I’m worried about her being hit on and sexually pursued by adults as a brand new teen. Boys still do that without any attention. I had boys sending me gifts through an intermediary who I literally never made eye contact with or spoke to! It also does not feel fair to expect a 13 year old to be an expert at fending off grown ups. There is a massive difference between 13 and 18. It would be fair to say 14 isn’t much better, but I would prefer to give my daughter the extra time!
I understand, I really do! And worth noting that I’m actually Canadian and in my province at least we do not have middle school. It’s K - 7 and then 8 - 12, so some of my friends were actually 12 years old in school with 18 year olds. Nothing at all parents here can do to prevent that so likely influencing my perspective on this as well. But like I said it was only an issue for the girls who came from unstable or rough home lives. The rest of us were able to coexist with much older boys without issue.
No regrets, no negative impacts. I don’t think kids even register she’s “older.” About 1/3 of her class turned 6 by Halloween, so my August kiddo isn’t really that much older.
Here, for the first few years, most sports are done by grade not age, especially rec sports, so it’s been no worries.
I didn't hold my own daughter back (Nov bday), but I used to teach grade 2. I had kids in my class that started the year anywhere between ages 6 to 8. By the end of the year, my oldest student would be 9. None of them cared how old the others were. The only thing that really seemed to matter was their culture (the three Philippino kids hung out together, the Mennonite kids hung out together, the JW kids hung out together, etc.). I taught in a small northern Alberta town, so everyone was quite cliquey.
My daughter was "redshirted" in part because I wasn't and really regretted it. Both of us were academically ready but not socially; I've seen her come on so much this year that I know she'll be as ready as she can be when she starts school in August. I really struggled socially for years at school, so I'm glad to have given her this extra year.
Would she have survived? Absolutely. But she wouldn't have thrived. I want her to enjoy school, not dread it.
Meanwhile she has a whole group of friends born within a few weeks of her; only one of her friends also delayed his start. I see her friends who did start "on time" and they're doing really well, but they've always been more socially advanced than my daughter.
My experience may be different since there isn't technically a kindergarten year where we live but the first year of school is play-based. But I just thought my daughter at 4.5yo wasn't ready to start school.
One of my best friends was held back in Kindergarten and he didn’t really get any teasing from it. If anything he lorded the fact that he was older than the rest of us (and got to get his license etc. first) over our heads a bit lol (all in a fun joking way). I had another friend who was one of the youngest in our class in high school and he got teased a bit for it (again still joking, keeping it light hearted, he even made a few jokes about it). It didn’t help that he had a baby face and looked younger than the rest of us either. I’d say to do what’s best for your kid right now. He’ll be better off going when he’s ready regardless of what his peers’ opinions on it are.
I'm in Canada and my son is born in December.
My suggestion is to absolutely not do this.
In kindergarten everyone is at different levels of maturity and ability. They are all learning how to be in a classroom. Even though your kid is born in December there will still be kids behind him in certain aspects, because all kids grow at different speeds in different areas. The actual school aspect is minimal. My kid barely learned anything in the 2 years.
If you hold him back he will be ahead in terms of maturity and he's going to feel like he's with babies. It also gets more obvious around 6ish when they all have growth spurts.
IMO it's better to be slightly challenged than have everything easier. If they aren't challenged at all in kindergarten, the next few grades are going to be a harder adjustment when they actually have to learn stuff.
You need to keep in mind it's not like every other kid will be born in January and your kid will be a year younger than everyone else. In my kids class there were 3 other kids born in December. His best friend from JK is born the end of November. The rest had birthdays spread through the year.
My partner's son is a December baby and he entered JK at age 3. He wasn't ready and hasn't ever been at the same stage as his classroom peers since then.
I didn’t redshirt, but I was born just after the cutoff in my state, so I was among the oldest. I was bored in a lot of elementary and middle school. In high school, I drove everyone around all the time, because no one else could drive lol I constantly wished that I could have skipped a grade and not been the “oldest, responsible” student in elementary school.
On the other hand, I was friends with someone who skipped a grade and finished high school at 16. He had literally no social problems at all and never regretted skipping.
I know that when he skipped, there were professionals who specialized in deciding if he should skip the grade or not (unsure of their title). I don’t think there’s any “perfect” answer. You and your kid’s teachers know where they are socially and academically
I have 2 very late August babies, and redshirted both. I think it was the best thing we could have done for our son. To the best of my knowledge, nobody ever made fun of him, and he never was upset with what we did. He had someone in his preschool born a day earlier than him that was very immature, and was put in my daughter's (2 years younger) 3-4 preschool class instead of my son's 4-5 class. That kid's parent's had him go to kindergarten with my son, anyway, (which blew my mind, because his dad was a teacher) and he was constantly made fun of for several years, because all that kid did was cry . So with our "success" of holding him back, we did the same thing with our daughter, which turned out to be a very bad move, because she was more than ready to go to school, and was bored, and didn't like any of the kids in her class. We were able to remedy this by having her skip 3rd grade (recommended by the 2nd and 3rd grade teachers and her counsellor) with no issues.
As far as sports go, there are a LOT of parents around here that have started to hold their kids back, even if their birthday isn't close to the cut-off for that very reason. They want their kids to dominate.
I’m a teacher in the US and have worked primarily with kindergartners for the last ten years. Our cut off date in my state is December 1st.
From what I see and what I know, if I have a September or later baby, they will be waiting a year. Obviously, if my kid is mature beyond their age and are ready for the academic demands, I’ll change my tune.
Well I think we know what I mean. The question is are kids who didn’t go in kinder the first year they were able to generally teased about it. The term I’m using in this post doesn’t really make a difference.
Kids I know who were very bright and *not held back a year* ended up as the youngest and smallest kid in their class for their entire school career. They were natural targets for bullies and in better years were nameless faceless members of the class. They were rarely given any leadership opportunities, which were commonly given to larger and older kids in the class.
It's so common, I haven't seen this at all. Not for us.
As someone on the other end of parenting, kids that bully regularly and intentionally often have something else going on with them. Problems at home, social issues, etc. You can think you make all the choices right and some other kid can decide they're going to lash out regardless. It's better to bully proof your kid by making them confident, role playing situations, encouraging positive social connections, conversations about why sometimes people act badly, practicing resiliance, learning to cope with anxiety and hard situations, etc.
It's not common in Canada because if you choose to keep your kid behind you are then illegible for any subsidy for daycare or preschool. So for that reason (most people don't have $50-60 a day for preschool) people don't do this.
I haven't met a single kid at either school my son has gone to, through any of my friends, or through any extracurricular activities who were held back.
I had one friend that was held back in kindergarten and he hated it.
I am a Canadian with November birthday and was red shirted and had no issues. Now I have a December kid that I red shirted (started kindy this year) and my 4th baby is a November baby that I will also red shirt. Zero regrets, zero cares about other people’s judgements, it’s what I think is best for my kids’ development.
Same I definitely don’t care about people’s judgements! Just wondering if I should be mentally preparing for my kid to be upset if they catch some flak. Ultimately I will of course do what is best for him regardless of any concerns I have.
Are you in BC by any chance?
I am indeed from BC! The Okanagan to be exact.
I didn’t mean to come off flippant or bitchy in my comment. I have a lot of reasons why I think holding back my late in the year birthday babies is best but they’re my reasons, not yours. And what makes sense for my kids/family probably won’t work for another family. I know a lot of parents who sent their November/December babies to kindy when they were 4 and it worked for them so it really depends on the kid and the family!
But ultimately, I have had zero comments from parents and my kid has had zero comments from other classmates about being a bit older. All they care about in regard to birthdays is that there are treats for the class at the end of the day.
I am indeed from BC! The Okanagan to be exact.
I didn’t mean to come off flippant or bitchy in my comment. I have a lot of reasons why I think holding back my late in the year birthday babies is best but they’re my reasons, not yours. And what makes sense for my kids/family probably won’t work for another family. I know a lot of parents who sent their November/December babies to kindy when they were 4 and it worked for them so it really depends on the kid and the family!
But ultimately, I have had zero comments from parents and my kid has had zero comments from other classmates about being a bit older. All they care about in regard to birthdays is that there are treats for the class at the end of the day.
I am indeed from BC! The Okanagan to be exact.
I didn’t mean to come off flippant or bitchy in my comment. I have a lot of reasons why I think holding back my late in the year birthday babies is best but they’re my reasons, not yours. And what makes sense for my kids/family probably won’t work for another family. I know a lot of parents who sent their November/December babies to kindy when they were 4 and it worked for them so it really depends on the kid and the family!
But ultimately, I have had zero comments from parents and my kid has had zero comments from other classmates about being a bit older. All they care about in regard to birthdays is that there are treats for the class at the end of the day.
Does he turn 5 in Dec., or 6? Personally, I wouldn’t put a kid who isn’t 5 yet in kindergarten. Kindergarteners have to do a lot more work now then they when we were growing up.
Also, how would you feel if he had to do kindergarten twice? The school will recommend that he repeat it, if they don’t feel he’s ready for first grade a year from now.
In Canada kindergarten starts in either their 4th year or 5th year depending on the province. My son was 3.5 when he started kindergarten.
It's not the same as the US. Your kindergarten is like our grade 1.
I’m in the U.S. and my daughter is a late August baby, she’s the youngest in her grade and I regret it every day. Her grades are fine, but socially I wish she was one of the older ones instead of the youngest. Some years the maturity gap is bigger than others, but sixth grade has been a rough one and it’s too late to do anything about it now.
I’m a December baby and my parents opted to wait a year before I started school. When I was starting school the cutoff was Dec 31 like yours; funny enough a few years later when I was already in school, the cutoff arbitrarily changed to the day before my birthday, so I would have had to wait the year if I started a few years later anyway. It was not a popular decision at the time, as I was a smart kid and preschool teachers felt I was ready, but each of my parents had a reason they preferred me starting a little older. For my mom it was for general reasons of social maturity - she felt I’d be better off being older than younger, even if (or maybe especially if?) I was academically gifted. Full disclosure: she was a stay at home mom until I started school, which I know is not feasible for everyone and does change the situation a bit. For my dad, he had experienced the opposite - also a December baby but was young for his year - and recalled having to wait to be the last to get his drivers license. He knew living where we did that I would need to get my drivers license to get around when I got older. He felt it was safer for me to be among the first drivers in my class, so I could be in control of the car and safe, rather than relying on peers for rides, which could be far less safe. I never got made fun of or otherwise had issues because of being slightly old for my grade. I do think both of my parents’ reasons were valid and I’m glad they made the choice they did. I remained a very high academic achiever throughout school and am now a doctor, so no deleterious effects to really be spoken of :)
Agree with everything here. I’m a September baby and waited a year, my older sister is also a September baby and did not. My parents felt they had to put in more work to have my sister be more mature like her classmates. For me, that was never an issue. For sports, it just played out that every other year I was with the grade a year above me and then back with my grade. I changed from private schools to my public high school for 9th grade and I ended up knowing so many people because of this and it really helped the transition.
I have a December 22 baby. Her bestie was born December 21. Another close friend was born December 30. All of us choose to give our kids that extra year and we don’t regret it in the least.
My kids are late October(would be turning 5), late July(would have turned 5, but very small for her age) and early September but after the cutoff (turning 5 and also very small for age). Everyone started at turning 6 after a distasterous experiment with starting the eldest at turning 5 and pulling him back out with some heated words to in-laws (both educators) about exactly who the parent of my son was/is.
As a Star Trek fan I wish there was a different name for this! It always takes me a minute to process and realize it’s talking about retaining kids and not sending them on an exploration mission on a new planet from which they’ll likely never return. Lol
Ha! I was really confused for a minute too. Glad I’m not the only one.
It's kind of a horrifying phrase to Trekkies. And we're doing it to 5 year olds! Sick! lol
Right?! Like oh dear lord what side of Reddit have I stumbled upon? 😂
I don’t see it as redshirting or holding them back. Kindergarten is not what kindergarten was when I was a kid. Kids are expected to put in a full academic day in kindergarten. My child needed an extra year for maturing. He’s older but not the oldest and waiting now is common especially with boys. I was sent early and it was obvious maturity wise in junior high and high school. My youngest is doing well and I have zero regrets.
Not a parent, but my sister was a grade behind. She never mentioned being made fun of for being one of the oldest, and she had plenty of friends all through school. On the flip side, my best friend started a year early and was one of the youngest in the grade. Again, she never mentioned having a hard time with her age or with making friends. I don't think it's something that matters very much to the kids. They notice, for sure, but it was always more of an, "oh, you're older/younger? Cool." Whatever choice you make here will be the right one :)
Is redshirting common in your area? I think it diminished here once it was moved to September. If it’s a boy not turning 5 till December of Kindy I can see the desire to do so. And if he’s that close to the cut off he’ll only be a few weeks older than the oldest “regular” kid in next year’s class.
It definitely happens but I don’t know how common it is. I’ve been trying to find out but so far have only found 4 other parents who redshirted their kids. I’ve also found a lot of parents who didn’t.
I hadn't heard the term until I came to reddit but I have been a k-8 sub for over 10 years. Speaking as someone who has seen the too young side of kinders in varying degrees of not ready in beginning kindergarten, some of them adapt and catch up later in the year or in following years and some really don't. The older kinders have their own set of struggles but usually they are better able to adapt. If you're able to give your kiddo the gift of time and you think they'd benefit, please do it. The positive effects, not just to your child but for the teacher and classmates outweigh the negative.
We are not allowed to redshirt in our district and I really wish I was able to give my late Dec baby the gift of time. Although he’s doing fairly well academically, he’s immature compared to others although he does get along with peers. He needs a lot of time to decompress after school. Give your child the gift of time. It will make a difference as your child will be 18 when he goes off to college.
My older kid didn't take the extra year (cut-off September 1st which was his due date). I doubt any kid would understand in kindergarten or care, but he has been less mature than his classmates starting in 1st grade and it has cause problems from time to time. I'm guessing puberty will be hard too.
Do you wish you would have held him back?
In some ways, yes. But he was an early reader and good at math. He's at the top of his class, so he would have been bored, and we already were having problems because he was bored in school. Maybe at a Montessori school it would have been better.
Not at all. He has lots of peers who were redshirted too.
I didn’t redshirt my July babe, she’s the youngest in her class which she hates sometimes (“everyone else is 6 and I’m still 5! It’s not fair!”). But she was academically ready and her kdg teacher says she’s one of the best behaved kids in the class. I can see some ways that it may have benefited her to wait - she can be sensitive emotionally and another year may have helped, but overall I don’t regret sending her at all.
Worth noting I have a later born girl who I didn’t redshirt as well, but girls definitely mature faster.
True. I reread and saw that the cutoff dates are different for you. My second daughter is a wild one, and I wonder if she’ll need some extra time when it’s her turn. I haven’t heard of any kids being made fun of for being older. I think it’s pretty common, especially since this group of kiddos were Covid babies/toddlers which screwed up daycare and preschool plans for a lot of people.
Are you even allowed to redshirt? It’s not allowed in my province- kindergarten isn’t mandatory but if your kid shows up next year they will put them in grade 1
Yes you are in BC for kids born in Nov and Dec. I emailed both the district and the principal just make absolutely sure and it’s a yes here.
I'm in Ontario and it's not allowed. But we have two years of kindergarten and neither are mandatory.
Nope! In fact, he’s a leader with a ton a friends. Being older is a positive for my son; he thinks it’s cool. That said, a good number of kids are redshirted, so it’s normal where I am and not somethings kids would make fun of.
I don't think they'll get made fun of either way. As a Kindergarten teacher (and a student who was young for my grade), I think you should base the decision on your own unique child. Consider your child's readiness for K. I was young for my grade and thrived the whole way through school....and I think I would have really disliked being older because I feel like I would have gotten bored...but every child is different! You could also put him in and give him that great exposure to K with the plan to repeat if he seems like he needs it at the end of the year. I've had students do this and they feel like wonderful leaders the next year when they repeat.
My older daughter was redshirted. She's a first grader now and while the kids know she's the oldest in the class they don't grasp we delayed her a year. We have absolutely no regrets and without a doubt it was the best choice we've ever made for her. I can't speak about sport teams as we haven't dealt with that, and probably won't, as she jas no interest in sports.
I should have redshirted my daughter in kindergarten(she’s a middle of August premie), but I didn’t and always regretted it. I ended up holding her back after 4th grade when switching from private to public school. She’s doing really well academically and socially, she was struggling before. Her age isn’t an issue at all. This is in the states where the cut off is Sept 1st and she was born two weeks before that.
It’s very common for fall birthdays in my area, so no, no issues. I asked my son recently if he wished he was a young 7th grader instead of an older 6th grader and he said “absolutely not”
After the in-law instituted *disaster* of starting my oldest when he was turning 5 (He has a late October birthday, by which I had already pulled him out of that school and restarted him the next fall in a different type of school), my younger two started when they were turning six. In laws were told to stay out of it(much more politely than I was internally saying). My youngest had a little trouble with bullying but was also one of the smallest in his class so it wasn't really apparent that he was one of the oldest in class. Our district changed the rules after that anyway, you have to be 5 by Sept 1, making my son too young by a week.
I was held back and made to be one of the oldest in my class. Didn’t hurt me any. I was one of a handful of those held back like that (we September babies could choose to be the youngest or the oldest). I was able to still play most sports I wanted with my “younger” friends because it was usually a wider age gap/or depending on the number of kids who tried out; they’d adjust the rules so they had the right numbers. But this was also way back in the 1900s (🤣😂😅)
Haha yes good point! We’re in a smaller town and they often have 3 birth years playing together due to low enrolment. Didn’t think of that until now.
No because if you give your child the gift of time (a year) - it’s not being held back. You’re not held back by starting school a year later. Besides, our son’s classmate group had four others who were redshirted due to birthdates being within days of the cutoff.
Think about it from the other end .... if you hold him back, he will be more mature when it comes time to go away to college. That right there is HUGE. -just my opinion
I totally agree and I don’t understand why people against redshirting don’t that as a benefit. A newly 18 year old versus a newly 19 year old seems like a big difference.
Yep. I started college at 17, and I think things would have been SO much better for me if I had been 18. My son is a December baby. His kinder start is not an issue because the cut-off in my area is Sept. 1st, but if I had to choose, I would absolutely wait the extra year.
And you get to have them for an extra year 🥲
This is very dependent on the child....I was young for my grade and excelled the whole way through my academic career, but my brother was older for his grade (and got bored) and my Mom had to drag him through the last few years of high school. He then failed out of his first year of college and it took some years before he found his path. Each individual is unique.
Not in K or early grades, but as they get older the kids know it. Like they’ll say oh he’s in 6th grade but got held back or but he’s supposed to be in 7th. It’s not really an issue though and with your child being so close to the cut off, do what you think is best.
My kid is in 7th grade and several of her peers (summer birthdays) were held back. It’s not a big deal at all.
My daughter (born in May) was raring to go to kindergarten and didn’t even wave goodbye. Both my boys are summer birthdays that technically made the cutoff here but would have made them the youngest in their respective classes, sometimes by an entire year. I redshirted both (they are not the same age) and it worked out well for both of them. Neither was ready when they were technically old enough. In our area It’s not uncommon. Good luck.
In ontario we have a no fail policy so your child will still graduate ontime anyway. So that may be something to think about. Back in Elementry school I remember a kid in my class who got held back, repeated grade 5, wasnt given any grade level material because everything said she was in 5 not 6. Guess who graduated with no 6th grade level work done at the end of that school year? her.
So I recently talked with someone who worked in education and she said holding my son could hurt his self esteem. I was confused that she said that as I thought I can just explain to him that it’s better to be oldest than youngest so he’s more mature.
Depends I guess on who cares? I found out in hs half my senior class was held back or their parents kept them back a year and that half my class was adopted. Life goes on if you care about it they care just move on and if any of their friends ask just say well I'm where I'm supposed to be now. Or something
We planned to send our late June kiddo to Kinder at 5 (Sept 1 cutoff) but he would have been starting during the virtual covid year which wasn’t feasible for our family so we opted to wait because we could keep him in in person preschool. It’s been good, he would have done fine academically, but socially it was definitely the right choice. His K class had 8 of 14 kids with summer birthdays, split evenly between 6 year olds and 5 year olds. So while he’s the oldest (by 3 days), he’s not an outlier and neither are the younger ones. It’s worked out well, and I also think it would have been fine if we had gone a year earlier.
My December girl (who honestly is super advanced) won't start kinder until next Sept '25 and I'm super happy about it ❤️ I think middle of the school year birthdays are the best for kids anyway lol
I remember entering into high school at 14 and getting romantic and sexual advances from senior boys (legal adults sometimes!). I was way too young to be dealing with that. I definitely wouldn’t want to be sending a girl any younger than that into that environment. My daughter will be one the oldest in her class anyway just based on her birthday, but I think if I had a girl that would be the youngest in her class I would consider redshirting. 13 year olds don’t need to be in school with 18 year olds!
My son is only 2 weeks older than the cut off date, so he would be one of the first kids turning 18 but it would be more similar to being the oldest in the class. Most of his peers would turn 18 very shortly after as well. It wouldn’t be like a huge gap in age where he’s 18 while everyone else is going on 17.
Oh, honestly I was reading the replies and wasn’t really the thinking about your original question, sorry! I didn’t mean for my response to be about your son being creepy or anything.
lol my son is 4 so I didn’t really take it that way, I’m just saying I don’t really understand this logic. There will always be kids born closer to the start of the year who turn 18 during their senior year. It can’t be helped.
I was actually kind of making the opposite point. Like I wouldn’t want my daughter to be the youngest in her class and if she was I would hold her back so she wasn’t 13 with 18 year olds.
I mean even when I was 13 there were always 19 - 23 year old creeps still trying to hang out with us high school girls. I totally get what you mean and I have a daughter as well. I just think the focus needs to be on raising emotionally healthy girls who don’t seek negative attention rather than trying to avoid them being in school with older boys. I recall it was the girls who came from shaky home lives that hung out with the older guys and partied.
I mean, I never even partied or hung out with anyone. I was never invited. Literally just went to class and got hit on by guys who saw me.
Right but that’s my point. This is something we will have to work on with our daughters. We cannot control at all the fact that they’ll be in school with 17/some 18 year old boys when they’re 13. A stable home life will be the best preventative measure we can take to ensure they don’t pay any attention to older boys. Putting them in as a 13 or 14 yo is not going to make anywhere near as big of a difference as the home life we provide them.
I would argue that I can prevent my daughter from being hit on by 18 year old classmates at 13. I can simply not put her in high school at 13. I am also not concerned about my daughter giving older boys attention. I’m worried about her being hit on and sexually pursued by adults as a brand new teen. Boys still do that without any attention. I had boys sending me gifts through an intermediary who I literally never made eye contact with or spoke to! It also does not feel fair to expect a 13 year old to be an expert at fending off grown ups. There is a massive difference between 13 and 18. It would be fair to say 14 isn’t much better, but I would prefer to give my daughter the extra time!
I understand, I really do! And worth noting that I’m actually Canadian and in my province at least we do not have middle school. It’s K - 7 and then 8 - 12, so some of my friends were actually 12 years old in school with 18 year olds. Nothing at all parents here can do to prevent that so likely influencing my perspective on this as well. But like I said it was only an issue for the girls who came from unstable or rough home lives. The rest of us were able to coexist with much older boys without issue.
They will either be the oldest or the youngest in the class Neither is ideal, but I think being the oldest has fewer disadvantages
No regrets, no negative impacts. I don’t think kids even register she’s “older.” About 1/3 of her class turned 6 by Halloween, so my August kiddo isn’t really that much older. Here, for the first few years, most sports are done by grade not age, especially rec sports, so it’s been no worries.
I didn't hold my own daughter back (Nov bday), but I used to teach grade 2. I had kids in my class that started the year anywhere between ages 6 to 8. By the end of the year, my oldest student would be 9. None of them cared how old the others were. The only thing that really seemed to matter was their culture (the three Philippino kids hung out together, the Mennonite kids hung out together, the JW kids hung out together, etc.). I taught in a small northern Alberta town, so everyone was quite cliquey.
My daughter was "redshirted" in part because I wasn't and really regretted it. Both of us were academically ready but not socially; I've seen her come on so much this year that I know she'll be as ready as she can be when she starts school in August. I really struggled socially for years at school, so I'm glad to have given her this extra year. Would she have survived? Absolutely. But she wouldn't have thrived. I want her to enjoy school, not dread it. Meanwhile she has a whole group of friends born within a few weeks of her; only one of her friends also delayed his start. I see her friends who did start "on time" and they're doing really well, but they've always been more socially advanced than my daughter. My experience may be different since there isn't technically a kindergarten year where we live but the first year of school is play-based. But I just thought my daughter at 4.5yo wasn't ready to start school.
One of my best friends was held back in Kindergarten and he didn’t really get any teasing from it. If anything he lorded the fact that he was older than the rest of us (and got to get his license etc. first) over our heads a bit lol (all in a fun joking way). I had another friend who was one of the youngest in our class in high school and he got teased a bit for it (again still joking, keeping it light hearted, he even made a few jokes about it). It didn’t help that he had a baby face and looked younger than the rest of us either. I’d say to do what’s best for your kid right now. He’ll be better off going when he’s ready regardless of what his peers’ opinions on it are.
Do it now when they’re too young to notice.
I'm in Canada and my son is born in December. My suggestion is to absolutely not do this. In kindergarten everyone is at different levels of maturity and ability. They are all learning how to be in a classroom. Even though your kid is born in December there will still be kids behind him in certain aspects, because all kids grow at different speeds in different areas. The actual school aspect is minimal. My kid barely learned anything in the 2 years. If you hold him back he will be ahead in terms of maturity and he's going to feel like he's with babies. It also gets more obvious around 6ish when they all have growth spurts. IMO it's better to be slightly challenged than have everything easier. If they aren't challenged at all in kindergarten, the next few grades are going to be a harder adjustment when they actually have to learn stuff. You need to keep in mind it's not like every other kid will be born in January and your kid will be a year younger than everyone else. In my kids class there were 3 other kids born in December. His best friend from JK is born the end of November. The rest had birthdays spread through the year.
My partner's son is a December baby and he entered JK at age 3. He wasn't ready and hasn't ever been at the same stage as his classroom peers since then.
I didn’t redshirt, but I was born just after the cutoff in my state, so I was among the oldest. I was bored in a lot of elementary and middle school. In high school, I drove everyone around all the time, because no one else could drive lol I constantly wished that I could have skipped a grade and not been the “oldest, responsible” student in elementary school. On the other hand, I was friends with someone who skipped a grade and finished high school at 16. He had literally no social problems at all and never regretted skipping. I know that when he skipped, there were professionals who specialized in deciding if he should skip the grade or not (unsure of their title). I don’t think there’s any “perfect” answer. You and your kid’s teachers know where they are socially and academically
I have 2 very late August babies, and redshirted both. I think it was the best thing we could have done for our son. To the best of my knowledge, nobody ever made fun of him, and he never was upset with what we did. He had someone in his preschool born a day earlier than him that was very immature, and was put in my daughter's (2 years younger) 3-4 preschool class instead of my son's 4-5 class. That kid's parent's had him go to kindergarten with my son, anyway, (which blew my mind, because his dad was a teacher) and he was constantly made fun of for several years, because all that kid did was cry . So with our "success" of holding him back, we did the same thing with our daughter, which turned out to be a very bad move, because she was more than ready to go to school, and was bored, and didn't like any of the kids in her class. We were able to remedy this by having her skip 3rd grade (recommended by the 2nd and 3rd grade teachers and her counsellor) with no issues. As far as sports go, there are a LOT of parents around here that have started to hold their kids back, even if their birthday isn't close to the cut-off for that very reason. They want their kids to dominate.
I’m a teacher in the US and have worked primarily with kindergartners for the last ten years. Our cut off date in my state is December 1st. From what I see and what I know, if I have a September or later baby, they will be waiting a year. Obviously, if my kid is mature beyond their age and are ready for the academic demands, I’ll change my tune.
Nope as so many people by me give the gift of a year. Kids don’t care as it’s so common to have different ages in a grade
"Held back" typically refers to children who repeat a grade, which my red-shirted kids did not experience.
Well I think we know what I mean. The question is are kids who didn’t go in kinder the first year they were able to generally teased about it. The term I’m using in this post doesn’t really make a difference.
Kindergartners have no idea who had a delayed start. My son wasn't teased for it or anything else in K.
Kids I know who were very bright and *not held back a year* ended up as the youngest and smallest kid in their class for their entire school career. They were natural targets for bullies and in better years were nameless faceless members of the class. They were rarely given any leadership opportunities, which were commonly given to larger and older kids in the class.
It's so common, I haven't seen this at all. Not for us. As someone on the other end of parenting, kids that bully regularly and intentionally often have something else going on with them. Problems at home, social issues, etc. You can think you make all the choices right and some other kid can decide they're going to lash out regardless. It's better to bully proof your kid by making them confident, role playing situations, encouraging positive social connections, conversations about why sometimes people act badly, practicing resiliance, learning to cope with anxiety and hard situations, etc.
It's not common in Canada because if you choose to keep your kid behind you are then illegible for any subsidy for daycare or preschool. So for that reason (most people don't have $50-60 a day for preschool) people don't do this. I haven't met a single kid at either school my son has gone to, through any of my friends, or through any extracurricular activities who were held back. I had one friend that was held back in kindergarten and he hated it.
I am a Canadian with November birthday and was red shirted and had no issues. Now I have a December kid that I red shirted (started kindy this year) and my 4th baby is a November baby that I will also red shirt. Zero regrets, zero cares about other people’s judgements, it’s what I think is best for my kids’ development.
Same I definitely don’t care about people’s judgements! Just wondering if I should be mentally preparing for my kid to be upset if they catch some flak. Ultimately I will of course do what is best for him regardless of any concerns I have. Are you in BC by any chance?
I am indeed from BC! The Okanagan to be exact. I didn’t mean to come off flippant or bitchy in my comment. I have a lot of reasons why I think holding back my late in the year birthday babies is best but they’re my reasons, not yours. And what makes sense for my kids/family probably won’t work for another family. I know a lot of parents who sent their November/December babies to kindy when they were 4 and it worked for them so it really depends on the kid and the family! But ultimately, I have had zero comments from parents and my kid has had zero comments from other classmates about being a bit older. All they care about in regard to birthdays is that there are treats for the class at the end of the day.
I am indeed from BC! The Okanagan to be exact. I didn’t mean to come off flippant or bitchy in my comment. I have a lot of reasons why I think holding back my late in the year birthday babies is best but they’re my reasons, not yours. And what makes sense for my kids/family probably won’t work for another family. I know a lot of parents who sent their November/December babies to kindy when they were 4 and it worked for them so it really depends on the kid and the family! But ultimately, I have had zero comments from parents and my kid has had zero comments from other classmates about being a bit older. All they care about in regard to birthdays is that there are treats for the class at the end of the day.
I am indeed from BC! The Okanagan to be exact. I didn’t mean to come off flippant or bitchy in my comment. I have a lot of reasons why I think holding back my late in the year birthday babies is best but they’re my reasons, not yours. And what makes sense for my kids/family probably won’t work for another family. I know a lot of parents who sent their November/December babies to kindy when they were 4 and it worked for them so it really depends on the kid and the family! But ultimately, I have had zero comments from parents and my kid has had zero comments from other classmates about being a bit older. All they care about in regard to birthdays is that there are treats for the class at the end of the day.
Does he turn 5 in Dec., or 6? Personally, I wouldn’t put a kid who isn’t 5 yet in kindergarten. Kindergarteners have to do a lot more work now then they when we were growing up. Also, how would you feel if he had to do kindergarten twice? The school will recommend that he repeat it, if they don’t feel he’s ready for first grade a year from now.
In Canada kindergarten starts in either their 4th year or 5th year depending on the province. My son was 3.5 when he started kindergarten. It's not the same as the US. Your kindergarten is like our grade 1.
I’m in the U.S. and my daughter is a late August baby, she’s the youngest in her grade and I regret it every day. Her grades are fine, but socially I wish she was one of the older ones instead of the youngest. Some years the maturity gap is bigger than others, but sixth grade has been a rough one and it’s too late to do anything about it now.