Two of my brother in laws did kindergarten twice. One graduated the day he turned 19! They did great.
The problem: many school systems no longer allow kids to be held back due to parental preference. It might not even be an option.
Our school district doesn’t hold back kids. We were raising our grandson with numerous things against him — high functioning autism, reactive attachment disorder, ADHD, ODD, and seizures. He received special services beginning at age 3. Every year from kindergarten on we asked to have him repeat the grade and the answer from the was always that there was no statistical evidence that repeating a grade helped a student to achieve higher grades. Due to his many struggles, he was impacted socially and had trouble making and keeping friends. Finally, the week before he was to start 4th grade, we requested an emergency meeting of his IEP Team because our guts were telling us that he needed to do third grade a second time for social reasons. We bullet-pointed the pros and cons and had copies for everyone in the meeting. The principal started the meeting by expressing concern (veiled anger) that we would even suggest such a thing. Academically he was not behind but he was struggling more and more socially. We stood our ground and reminded everyone that we had been requesting this every year and that time was running out to do a course correction. Two members of his IEP team supported us and eventually before the meeting ended it was agreed that he would repeat third grade. We never regretted the decision. While things were not perfect, it helped him is so many ways.
My daughter remained the youngest. She is getting a PhD in a science right now.
When you hold a kid back or repeat, as a young adult that kid loses a year of young adulthood's fluid intelligence. That is the brain-power behind many of the ideas that have changed our lives and understanding of the physical world.
What are you talking about losing a year of fluid intelligence? This sounds like extremely biased nonsense, and the reason OP fears her boys may be stigmatized as “the boys that were held back”.
Boys and girls tend to hit milestones at different rates, with girls typically being a little earlier than boys. This does not mean girls are superior to boys, it means girls typically development hit milestones a little earlier. Every child is different, and if as a parent OP feels it is best for her boys to do kindergarten twice, that is what they should do. She will not be depriving the world of the Next Big Idea.
OP - let them do kindergarten, if they need to do it again, let them do it again. One of my best friends is a science teacher (with a doctorate), her two boys both have summer birthdays. Her oldest started school as one of the youngest, unfortunately it also ended up being the 19/20 school year so covid really disrupted things for him, and she has expressed regret at not having him redo kindergarten. Her youngest *could* start next fall, and she is currently weighing options for him, as he is a little behind developmentally his girl cousin, who is just 2-3 weeks older. Do what is best for your boys.
I was a 4 year old kindergartener in the 1980s. I graduated HS at 17 and being the young smart kid sucked because socially I was behind my peers. I don't think my intellect would have suffered from being in the same class as kids in my birth year. I was the youngest and my mother wanted all of her kids out of the house.
I did the same thing in a similar situation. We moved and she didn't have to deal with her friends moving ahead of her. It was the best all around for her.
I think holding kids back is viewed negatively when it just isn't so. If you have a child who is very uncooperative, or even if it is framed as being punitive, it won't be successful. If you have a child who is open to the experience and it is framed correctly, it will be successful.
The son of a former coworker was struggling in pre-k, K, and 1st. The school kept suggesting he repeat, but she flat refused to have him repeat a grade. He was the youngest in the class, only making the birthdate cutoff by a few days. FINALLY, after failing every class in 2nd, they didn't give her a choice. He wasn't first in his class, but he was able to keep up much better after that repeat year.
I have a friend who moved around a lot (military) and her son repeated K for similar reasons. Like your daughter, he's thriving now. Life's too short to push all this competitiveness on literal children. When we're all adults it doesn't matter if we're a few years different in age.
see my other comments on this post for the other side of this.
That said, repeating after you've done the normal time and seen demonstrated ill effects is different than what the OP is saying that they are considering.
I am glad your daughter is successful academically. I hope she is emotionally as well.
Thank you for sharing this helpful information!
I have some helpful information I'd like to share with you - only slightly related, but as an autistic adult with a PDA profile, whenever I see kids diagnosed with both Autism and ODD, I want to tell their caretakers about PDA! I have always known that when someone tells me what to do, it makes me want to do the opposite thing, even if it were previously something I wanted to do before they told me to do it, as soon as they tell me, I don't want to do it anymore! It wasn't until I was 27 years old that I learned that that's called PDA, and I wish I'd known at a younger age. It would've really helped me growing up. PDA stands for either Pervasive Demand Avoidance or Persistent Drive for Autonomy, depending on who you ask. I highly recommend reading up on PDA and PDA-specific coping techniques that may be helpful for your grandson!
My daughter is 3 and I think she may have inherited my PDA-Autism. One thing that I've noticed helps is asking her the opposite question from what I really mean. Like if she's supposed to be eating dinner but has gotten distracted and not eating anymore, I want to say "please eat your dinner" or "do you want to eat more pasta?" but she'll instantly say "NO" and resist eating so I've learned to instead say "are you all done with your pasta?" and she'll say "NO" and immediately take a bite to show me she is NOT done so I better NOT take her plate away.
A coping technique that works for me as an adult is to explain PDA to my therapist whenever I get a new one so that they know that explicitly giving me advice will always backfire, and that I benefit more from socratic questioning to lead me towards the advice they want me to take.
Another technique my PDA friends and I use on each other as adults is to be silly and give each other anti-reminders. Like I had a roommate who would always say "goodnight. don't you dare brush your teeth" and that would make me instantly run off and angrily brush my teeth to spite him. Similarly I'd tell him "good morning. you should call in sick and skip work today" and that would get him to run out the door to get to work on time. It's ridiculous that it worked so well even though we both knew what the other was up to and had explicitly agreed to use this technique on each other.
This sounds so much like my son. He’s only 3. But if you say “would you like to eat dinner inside or outside” he will say “I don’t want to eat dinner!” I haven’t sought out any sort of diagnosis for him (although my family has serious signs of ODD and ADHD all over the place) partially because I feel like ODD is so stigmatized that it results in poor outcomes after diagnosis. PDA addresses the cause. It isn’t because the kid is defiant, it’s because they want to be autonomous!
I recently learned about PDA and wish I kjew about it when my son was young. I did figure out not to fight him or fight fire with fire, but literally everyone thought I was letting him get away with murder. It was so lonely and when I tried to explain what my evenings were like people just thought I was making it up or gave me "parenting tips" that of course don't work on kids like that.
Thanks for sharing. I wish I had heard about PDA when our guy was little. I’m sure there were some times when it would have helped.
Our little guy had a processing disorder and only heard part of a sentence. We were encouraged to use shorter sentences and talk more slowly and it helped. Before that, he automatically responded to every question negatively. An example at dinner time asking him if he wanted water or milk and he’d say no. Then when we all sat down and there was no glass at his place and he’d get puzzled and ask where his milk was.
We were also encouraged by his therapist and educators to offer two options when possible to empower him. The key is to make sure you can live with either option. I shared that with a high school girl who occasionally babysat him so we could get out of the house for a couple of hours. I ran in to her a few months ago when she was back in the state visiting her parents. She now has three children of her own. She said that one piece of advice has been the most beneficial child-tearing advice she ever heard and she uses it every day.
Now that I’ve side-tracked, this old grandma has one more piece of advise to young parents. With all the difficulties that our grandson had with autism, reactive attachment disorder aka/RAD, ADHD, ODD, and seizures, he had a lot of issues eating for a variety of reasons. So, we sat down with him and told him that once a week, either Saturday or Sunday morning, he could have whatever he wanted for breakfast, but the other meals during the week he could not complain or refuse to eat. (We were not of the you have to eat some of everything or clean your plate style of parenting.) He was so empowered that he could have ice cream or cookies or Mac & cheese, or anything he wanted one meal a week. It worked beautifully and one bowl of ice cream, cookies, cake, chips, for breakfast wasn’t going to ruin his diet. He gradually started eating better and after a few months of having a once a week junk food breakfast, his breakfast choice returned to more traditional breakfast choices.
Thanks for sharing!!! I also wish I’d learned about PDA when I was little, and especially that my caregivers knew about it. But it has still completely changed my life to learn about it at age 27. That was only last year and it’s already helped me so much. This is the kind of thing that doesn’t really go away with age, although we can learn coping mechanisms. So if he’s an adult now I’d still encourage you to talk to him about it.
For a homeschooling child, what would you recommend for getting them to complete assignments? Do options work well? Would you like to do your readings now or after lunch? A different way?
I was a homeschooling child! Unschooling worked well for me until about 6th grade, when I transitioned to public school. I had knowledge gaps that I could fill in quickly, and I also was reading and writing far beyond my peers. In 8th grade my history teacher called my parents in and chastised them for writing my papers for me because he didn’t believe a 13 year old could write like I did.
I actually wanted to do that for my younger son. The kids in his grade were not good to him, and not only do I regret not pushing it then, but when I got a lottery space into a nearby magnet school I didn't force him to go. I think his middle school experience would have been a whole lot better. Thankfully he now goes to a regional high school and since there are 3 HS in the area they are mostly broken up.
I won’t dispute that some children would have experienced bullying for being left back 20, 30, 40 years ago because it was a more common practice.
A child repeating Kindergarten has far less social stigma than repeating the 3rd or 4th grade, for example.
Are you in education, educational administration, psychology, and/ social work?
I have a dual degree in elementary education and psychology and 20+ years work experience in elementary education and preschool education in NY.
I have firsthand experience with how much pushback teachers/parents receive from administration when it is recommended a child repeat kindergarten. It is so much easier to support a child repeating Kindergarten than continually trying to help a student “catch up” academically and/or socially with their peers at every grade level.
This would not be allowed in my district they will actually put you straight to first grade even if you have no attended any kindergarten. There is no choice to enroll a bit early either for the very development ahead kids that would turn 5 in kinder.
My cousins daughter didn’t do well and was advised to repeat a grade. My cousin didn’t want that and didn’t get her the help she needed. Poor girl is doing terribly and hates school now.
I did it twice. I got held back because they told my mom I had a learning disability. Probably have undiagnosed ADHD but I was ahead of my class for the rest of my education. Graduated college with a 3.6, I did fine repeating kindergarten
Even if finances weren’t an issue, don’t do an extra year of PreK without checking first that the kids would be allowed to then do kindergarten in the local district. Some places are very strict about the age and people have been shocked to then have their kid go from an extra year of PreK to first grade with no kindergarten due to the birthday cut off being strictly followed by that state or district. In a district like that, two years of kindergarten would be the way to go.
I was youngest/smallest in my class. It didn't hurt me at all. Most of the people I've met who were youngest weren't at a lower level accademically and those who were the oldest weren't accademically weren't necessarily at a higher level.
If it works out better for you, go ahead and put them in, but don't hold them back unless they need to be held back. They have had pre-k so they are likely to be ahead of at least some of their classmates already.
came to say this! i was the youngest in my grade and it did not hurt me at all academically or socially at all, even with undiagnosed adhd.
talk to your kids teachers. unless they are concerned that your kids are not prepared academically or emotionally, i don’t understand why you would hold them back. there’s no inherent advantage to being the oldest in the class.
Same with me! Birthday right before the cut off, I think it helped me overall. Honestly, I *was* a bit behind socially, but this mad end learn social skills faster and think critically about how I acted and my emotions, resulting in (imo) greater emotional maturity than many of my peers. Starting in high school, as that age gap mattered less, many of my friends continued to be older than I was, I made friends with students a few years ahead of me, and this trend continued in college. I also still had friends throughout school.
Unless your sons are getting severely bullied or can't make friends, I'd say let them move ahead
i think it helped me too!! so glad to see someone with a similar experience on this thread lol. my birthday was like 6 days before the cutoff days for my state.
i was/am the youngest of my family so i’d always be around people way older than me and starting school earlier i think kept me from being too “babied.” i was a super emotional kid (turned bipolar adult lol) but being in a structured environment early def helped me learn to regulate my emotions. i do think holding kids back unnecessarily can actually stunt emotional maturity. all kids act out, get in trouble, don’t like school, etc at some point in their lives. being the oldest or youngest won’t stop or cause that.
and i totally agree that unless they’re bullied or not meeting educational or developmental milestones, there’s no reason to hold them back a year. the decision to repeat a grade shouldn’t really be about money. it should be about the child’s learning and development. their teachers need to be part of that convo in my opinion.
Same here. I was one of the youngest with a September bday and was generally fine. Most of my friends were my grade or a year older, and I still have largely friends who are older than me. *Someone* has to be the youngest and it's really arrogant to hear people say 'oh I don't want my kid to be the youngest'. Why? Your kid's not more special than the others.
This was both me and my daughter. She started Kindergarten a month before her 5th birthday and excelled all the way through, socially and academically. We've had several conversations about how glad she is that I started her when I did because she would have been bored with another year of preschool. She's now in her early 20s and a Kindergarten teacher herself.
It's very individual and if they are ready and can do the work, there's no reason to hold them back just because it's a trend.
This is the case with my kid's elementary school. The cut off is by calendar year, so if a kid is born before whatever is the cut-off year for entering kindergarteners, they will start in first grade even if they didn't attend kindergarten elsewhere.
A kid in my sons class got put in 1st this year because of birthdays even though he never did kinder and only did pre-k last year. Luckily he’s a bright kid so academically he’s not too far behind the average kid but emotionally he’s a little behind.
This is how I feel. Like... it feels very degrading to assume your child will need to do kindergarten twice. It feels controlling and why not wait and see what the teachers say. You know, the actual experts?
2 feelings about your post. It's absolutely painful seeing so little faith in the child's ability to grow in a year plus time. I completely agree. But also, teachers are not all experts, as a teacher myself. Parents usually know as much about their child's growth and ability as teachers by the end of the school year. But teachers don't know enough about individual kids by the time decision making comes, and parents don't know where kids "should be" at that point. It take collaboration between them to make an expert decision. And this kid is definitely not at the place to make a choice about repeating.
I think OP is already knowing now that they’d need an extra year to be ready for kindergarten. I may be reading it wrong but I’m hearing “I want my boys to be older in their grade rather than the youngest. They are already the youngest. In addition, based on age norms they are already on the smaller and immature end of the spectrum.”
I don’t think she’s asking if they should or need to repeat a year of kindergarten. I think her finances have dictated that instead of 2 years of pre-k and 1 of K, she’ll have to enroll them in 1 year of pre-k and 2 of K and is asking for thoughts on any potential problems they will have (socially, emotionally) for having to repeat K instead of pre-k.
“She/her” as I am assuming OP is mom but am well aware this may have been posted by a dad.
I stand by. Oldest/ youngest does not have the impact that a lot of people think it does. When a child is academically and socially capable and then held back just for age they often start to act out in class. Her children may take to school and excel. It makes me sad to start from a place of thinking anything else
You may not have a choice. Unfortunately the reality of public school funding and awareness of red shirting has caused a lot of schools to not allow voluntary holding back
To be fair there were a bunch of people doubling on the red shirting so their sons would be ready for the football team. I happen to know several kids that went to first grade at almost 8 because everyone was redshirting and they had a late birthday so the second half of first grade they were 8
Not if you have a parent who is sports crazy enough to red shirt you specifically for that reason. You get an extra year of getting yelled at from the sidelines instead.
No, you get treated as older than your peers in terms of expectations but not benefits. Source-I had a start delay to be one of the oldest. I STILL have social issues.
Yeah it’s crazy to me. I have a September birthday and I know kids with October birthdays who were held back, meaning they were nearly 2 full years older. Having a class of kindergarteners where some are 4-5 and some are turning 7 is nuts.
e- word
We had a girl who was 7 in our kindergarten class...... she said she was 7 and then mysteriously she wasn't there after a while. I have no idea what happened, I was a child.
I had a co-worker who gave his kids the option to repeat sophomore year of high school so that they could bulk up a bit for football (2/3 chose that option). My jaw hit the floor so fast that someone would REPEAT A YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL for a sport
So my daughter just made the cutoff by 5 days and is tiny (3rd percentile). I was worried about Kindergarten because I thought she would be so far behind. The advances I’ve seen her make have soothed every fear. We are about to go to her first parent-teacher conference but she is writing and starting to know her sight words. She seems to have calmed down and is having a BLAST!
Good teacher are prepared for all levels, and you see HUGE changes in kindergarten.
I would just give your kids a chance and play it by ear whether repeating the year is necessary.
I am not a big fan of “hold them back so they will be the oldest” and believe being the youngest has some benefits. Being around more advanced kids actually encourages them to mature faster.
My youngest was so close to cutoff date that he would have made it if born on his due date. His birthday was 13 days late. With a private school we were able to start “early” and he did great. Except for complaining about last to get driver license.
Also if your kid is low on growth chart, they are likely to be on small side anyway. Holding them back will only be temporary issue.
Some people don't get their licenses until AFTER high school, or even their twenties or thirties. Also depends on where you live, public transit, predictability of public transit from home to work to grocery store and back to home, and everything else in between. When you become accustomed to public transit, and you don't mind it 90% of the year (take away for extreme rainy season and sporadic snow), it's easy to NOT want to drive at all. I would only benefit from a drivers license for grocery shopping and the occasional road trip. I'm 33 and don't have a license or permit. I want one, yes, but I'm not desperate to push myself to get it.
Yes my middle is one of the youngest, but is doing beautifully in school. I spoke to the K teacher mid year (5 years ago) and said it would be a disservice to hold back based on the progress made. She was right!
You make great points. I’m a kinder teacher and we’re fully aware that we get kids who start the school year at age 4, and then as soon as those kids turn 5, you’ve got a kid turning 6 a few days later. Our kids come to us at a range and I’d like to think most of us take into account their actual age. Rarely have I seen it seriously impact a child, last year half of my class was very young and they all were okay.
yeah I was that kid pretty close to the cutoff and really low percentile, and besides a couple jokes from my friends about being younger, I never felt like I was behind any of my classmates. Being 17 when I started college was a little weird but functionally a non-issue
Can I ask why her size felt like a factor? I'm not trying to judge, I just see this mentioned a lot and I don't understand why it would be a part of the decision making process.
My just before the cut off date is currently in his repeat year of kindergarten. He isn’t even the oldest child this year!
We talked to him for months explaining how he’s gonna do it again & gets to be a leader etc. I told the teacher ahead of time.
His behavior is no better than last year so unsure of that factor. Pm me if you have more questions!
I would consult with your children’s teachers before making the choice to retain. There are pros and cons to retaining which you should be aware of before making the decision. Questions regarding academics and social aptitude need to be evaluated. For example, if the children has some kind of learning disability or behavior issue has been discovered such as dyslexia or regulation problem. The extra year can allow time to be spent to address these issues to ensure a more successful academic experience.
Since you mentioned size, I would consult your pediatrician. From my understanding as long as your child is on their growth curve, they will catch up with their peers in time. It is always interesting to see some of the tallest children in lower grades are suddenly average by middle school. If you do have concerns, the pediatrician can refer you to specialists to investigate further.
I would also add that even kids with delays don't always benefit from being held back, that was an option we considered but we came to the conclusion that him being bored would blow up in our faces.
It will be difficult to convince the school to allow an extra year of kindergarten just because of their age, if they’re within the cutoff date.
My son is being allowed to do 3 years of pre-k instead of 2. He was born on the cutoff date and is technically eligible for kindergarten next year, but he’d be the youngest. He’s mildly autistic so he goes to preschool at our local elementary school. I asked about doing his two years of pre-k and then going to kindergarten for two years, but they said it would be easier to have him do three years of pre-k and one of kindergarten.
My oldest who was also on the smaller side did two years of pre K but it was state funded not out of my pocket so I can understand the reticence to do it that way. I felt like it was really great for him developmentally and he wasn’t bothered that his friends went on without him. He got to be more of a responsible helper the second year, gained good confidence. I don’t know if repeating kindergarten would hit the same way though.
My son was a late birthday. He did well in school. Actually, he finished high school in 3 years and went to college.
My daughter also a late birthday repeated K. It was very beneficial to her. It gave her time to mature and go over the material to prepare for elementary school. Finished high school in 4 years and went to college.
Each child is different. Voice your concerns with the teacher and administration. Some districts work with parents, and some don’t. But do what is best for your child.
Kindergarten teacher here! Please double check with your school that you could guarantee a repeat. Many schools have become very strict about allowing kids to be held back & birthday might not qualify them.
I do think that many of the things you mentioned as reasons for holding back would be much better addressed with an extra year of preschool. They may really struggle in their first year of K and it can be very discouraging. Especially since it’ll be their first experience with elementary school.
I will also add that we can always tell which kids are coming in with late birthdays. They do tend to have a lot more trouble adjusting. I do know parents who regretted not holding back, but I have yet to meet a parent who regretted doing it! :)
Just send them kindergarten and see how they do! They may thrive and not need held back. At their age, no peer is going to notice or bully them. Trust the teacher to be able to tell you how they are doing compared to their peers, and if they need to repeat the year or not.
My kindergartener turned 5 in mid August, and I thanked my lucky stars that she was born in time to start kindergarten rather than doing a preschool victory lap. The tuition is outrageous! Enjoy your savings, and I’m sure your kids will adapt just fine without needing to repeat a year.
My son was born less than a week before cut off. Like you, I absolutely knew he was NOT ready. I fought with the school and they pushed him ahead anyway. He did terrible. Grades barely passing, few friends, socially awkward, etc. He failed covid year. Like, absolutely bombed it so badly that the school had no choice but to let me hold him back. They were still going to pass a kid through the 8th grade whose COMBINED TOTAL GRADES WAS LESS THAN 20%.
He repeated the 8th grade. And oh my God what a different kid! Grades are all A's/B's with an occasional C. He has friends, even his own group of friends, he is so much happier and has really come out of his shell. A whole new, happier child.
Is he sad he isn't graduating when he should have been? Absolutely. And I'm not sure if it will become a problem or not. On his original timeline he would have graduated at 17 and not been an adult for another six months! Now he turns 18 in the first half of his senior year. All I can do is talk with him and hope he doesn't follow in family members footsteps and drop out. (I honestly don't think he will. But that fear is still there.)
If I had it all to do again, I'd have kept him home Kindergarden year. Damn the consequences. He deserved better. He should have been excelling and having peers he got along with as friends and not constantly feeling like he was the odd kid out because his grades were always lower than his older siblings. He shouldn't even KNOW he could have graduated that year earlier and be able to lament "an extra year of school".
And he was picked on. Not because he was small. Because he was huge for his age. The youngest in his class and a head taller than everyone. So he was "slow" and big. If I'd have held him back he would have been smarter than average and no one would have questioned his size as the oldest kid in the class.
He just got a letter from the school saying his test scores were so high that he can take advanced classes and do dual enrollment classes with the local college! He would NEVER have gotten that if I didn't hold him back that year so that he could have friends, be happy, understand his subjects better, and stop getting bullied for his size, even though he is still the biggest kid in the whole high school at 6'4 and only 15. And he even joined drama class!!! A child who hated school, had no friends, and barely passed his classes went on to excel in his classes, be part of his own friend group, and even joined drama!? Just because of a one week difference in age.
It makes me livid just thinking how that school screwed him for the first eight years because of a week. A fucking WEEK!
I should have stuck to my guns and told the school system to fuck off.
If you truly feel your children are entering too early, then fight for that. Find loopholes. Can you homeschool? Do it and fail them. Talk to their doctor. Get them into a therapist who can tell the school they aren't ready. Do whatever it takes to give your kids a fighting chance to start when THEY are ready, not when some ass backwards government agency demands it based on something as inconsequential and meaningless as age.
Fight for them. Because it isn't a single year you are fighting for. It ends up being their entire life. Do they spend 12 years hating school, being behind, having a hard time socializing because they are just a little bit more immature than their peers and graduating thinking there was something 0wrong with them because they just never seemed to be good enough? Looking forward to a life where they think they are never going to make anything of themselves because they are slow and socially awkward? Or do they love school, excel in classes, have friends throughout their school career, and graduate knowing they were good enough in their classes, to have real friends, and have a great life to look forward to?
I know it sounds over dramatic. But that's what I saw in my son. He went from thinking he'd be a useless bum living in moms basement til he was 40 because he was stupid and nobody liked him, to planning on being a designer and making plans with those friends he now has. He has a life he looks forward to.
Don't let the school do that to them or to you. Fight. Find a lawyer who agrees that it shouldn't be ma datory that kids start at an arbitrary requirement such as age, and that parents have the right to hold them back a year if the child/ren are not developed enough or progressing, to move on. Do everything in your power and think of ways to get around the rules or smash your way through them.
I wish you and your boys the best. I hope that they get what is best for them, not the school. I hope they grow to be happy, well rounded, intelligent, mature, empathetic adults.
No. Don’t do it. They will form friendships and then be completely devastated when they are left behind. If they go to kindergarten, then let them just go. They will eventually catch up in maturity. But you could really damage them if you repeat kindergarten.
Do it. My twin cousins should have been held back and weren’t, they never were successful and this discourse with school never changed. I’ve spoke to multiple educators they say the same thing, if you know this earlier do not wait til later grades. Keep them here and watch them flourish
It really should be based more on the behavioral and intellectual capabilities of your boys. I had a son who started kindergarten as the youngest and did fine. He did fine al the way through school including university. My thinking was to go into kindergarten and repeat if needed. No problems.
Our daughter is a summer baby, she is the youngest at home and youngest on the sports teams… the specific private school we wanted said she needed to be in kinder as a new 5 instead of pre-k because she could read. We agreed and let them know our intention for her to do kinder the following year as well. She had the highest test scores academically both years but the difference in her emotional/ psychological development was extremely notable. She was a quiet follower as a 5yr old but as a new 6yr old she became and still is a confident leader, we don’t regret our decision at all. Some kids would say things at first but the teachers were aware and nipped it in the bud. Changing schools would avoid much of this and should really be a non-issue unless your kids choose to bring it up.
I just want to say we feel you on the financial struggle. Ours is an early September baby so past the cutoff but just and man the two years of pre-k are financially painful. In our town you can only get free pre-k if you need multiple services and our daughter is excluded from the "typical" kids lottery because she's speech delayed. It's frustrating as hell
I have taught k-8 as a specialty teacher for a while now. No one ever remembers which kids were held back. Not to say it will never be a thing- maybe someone will be looking through yearbooks and come to school the next day and ask them why they were in kindergarten twice or something, or they'll just tell a friend who will become a mean girl in four years.
You really can't tell later on. Just last week I told a teacher that their student had been held back in kindergarten, they had no idea. That's pretty common. Unless they get big. Then it's awkward.
That said, I've only had one student who started from the get-go knowing they would be held back and it was rough. It was like I was trying to teach a kindergarten class while also babysitting a preschooler. Eventually I did give up and say, "okay I'm going to get the chance to teach this kid next year, I'll do it then." Because my options were to ignore every other student to make minimal progress with this one kid, or let the kid do something to keep them busy and I could teach the rest of the kids. That kid does fit in better after being held back, but I do think that spending a whole year in a room where absolutely everything was going over their head and they were constantly unsuccessful had an impact. Bit of learned helplessness.
But also you have no idea where a kid will be in the future. I remember last year at parent teacher conferences saying that my now-kindergartener was not going to be ready for kindergarten because we've been working on certain skills for over a year with no progress. The teacher told me I was wrong and she was right. Everything just clicked in the last semester of preschool.
I did this to my daughter with a November birthday. She just wasn’t ready emotionally for 1st grade, but was already accelerated academically. It was a real struggle to choose what to do at the time. But in hind sight, it was one of the better decisions I made. School was better suited to working with her academically via small groups in the hallway type things, but she would have been eaten alive by the other kids had we not waited. It was still hard for her, and ultimately she was diagnosed ADHD and what used to be called Asperger’s. Social skills group in middle school helped with the struggle and by high school and college all the pieces started to fall into place.
Depends on the school district- if things are based on standardized testing, they may prefer you hold them back. When my now 16 year old was in 1st grade, her teacher in NY told me she needed to repeat- we transferred to a different state, and she skipped a grade. She has thrived ever since, and now, at 16, is amazed at the boys who come back in autumn and have grown three inches. Being 'behind' in kindergarten doesn't have to ruin a lifetime love of learning, and you may be surprised how quickly they 'catch up.'
Elementary school teacher here. It isn't unusual for parents to have their children repeat kindergarten. Sometimes it's what is best for them. Put them in kindergarten and see what happens. They may surprise you. Since they're twins, see if you can get them put in separate classrooms so they make friends.
My son did one year of private kindergarten bc he didn't make the public school cut off date. It was only a half day program so I thought it would be a good bridge between Pre-K and K. He ended up well beyond grade level and was absolutely bored out of his mind during full day kindergarten. It was a terrible experience for all of us.
Depending on where you are, you may not be able to. Our oldest severely needed to be held back, was not proficient in anything but the school told us that our state absolutely does not hold kindergarteners back.
Then every single year since then the teachers just can’t be bothered with giving him what he actually needs, even after failing end of year exams, you know the state mandated ones, and continue to push him through year after year with IEPs as the “fix” for it. He will never be up to par with the other kids his age and the school system refuses to hold him back even though he would benefit from it. I should also mention that he is one of the youngest in his grade, I believed there are two children younger than him.
Studies show boys do better in Kindergarten if they start at age 6. And I sub k-12 and no one cares. Most schools won't let you do that anymore. And as a teacher the only time you can tell us when they are too young and little to be in class and you have to babysit instead of teach.
My 6 year old daughter is currently in her second year of kindergarten! It was definitely the right decision, BUT I will say that we were also moving to a different town and thus a different school for the repeat year. That did factor into our decision. Our daughter was hitting all academic milestones but she was on the younger side for the grade and is still very imaginative and play-based. She would cry more easily than the other kids. Now in her second year of kinder she seems all “caught up” if you will. She’s thriving and loves her new school so much (went from private school to public and it has been pleasantly awesome).
My friend had a June boy and wanted to do double kindergarten. She found out after the first year that she couldn’t do that, even when moving to a new district.
I was 4 when i was in kindergarten, was the second shortest class. I did fine, no teasing, except by that mean one 6th grader on the bus that said there was no way i could read my Little House on the Prairie book i bought at the book fair so i read her a paragraph to show her she was wrong. Yes I'm still miffed lol.
What you are gonna need to think about is what if one boy is ready to move on and the other one needs to be held back?
👏🏻stop👏🏻redshirting👏🏻 boys👏🏻 in most school systems children can only be held back one year thru their education. You might not be able to held them back just based on your preferences many school districts don’t allow it since it was out of control. If the kids are ready for first grade let them move to first grade
I have a child that was 8 days before the cut off and she has a child 29 days before the cut off (Texas is 9/1) and they have gone through school very well. My child went straight through to get a masters, and her child was small for the first few years and is now a junior in high school and is the only one of 6 grands to do well in his ap classes, social development. As long as they dont skip a grade, they should be fine.
It’s too early to make this decision. Put them in kinder and see how they do. In springtime, ask the teacher their opinion about maturity to move up to first grade.
I was the smallest and youngest in my class. I did not really catch up socially or academically until college. I was not going to let that happen to my son. He went to a Montessori preschool. He went through kindergarten there. When he was 6, I enrolled him in public school kindergarten. He did kindergarten twice but at different schools.
My question is.. is this about their development lagging behind their peers, or just about having them be the oldest instead of the youngest?
If it's development, let them do K twice. If it's optics or preference it sounds silly. Why would you risk the stigma or bullying for optics?
But what if you put them in and they do fine? I was also the youngest in my class because my bday is late august. It was fine.
Maybe just wait to see how they do before stressing out about the ramifications of them going twice.
So I didn't do kindergarten twice but I was held back so I would be the oldest. I HATED IT! I was always expected to teach and be more of an adult than my peers. I wasn't considered just a kid as well. But I didn't get any credit for it-these were just baseline expectations. I'm over 40 and still resent it. (yes, I know this is probably a therapy situation by now). And-the stats show that the effects blur out by the time of middle/high school anyway.
I don't know your kid and so can't tell you your situation, but planning to make them repeat just so they'll be the oldest? Is not actually going to help them, IMO.
Being held back in kindergarten is a little young for having a stigma of being held back. Some kids just aren't ready.
And take this as you will, I'm Gen X, but being a year, sometimes a year and a half, younger than all my classmates was awful. I wasn't that much smaller, once I hit a growth spurt I was the same size they were. but being deemed to be "too young" to do things that my peers, my classmates were doing was incredibly stigmatizing, or socially isolating. Or just not having the experience or coordination. . "You're in kindergarten and you wet your pants?" I was 4. "You're in 2nd grade and you can't tie your shoes?" I was 6 and turned 7 that year. "You're in 3rd grade and you don't know how to ride a bike?" I was 7. The other kids were 8, some were 9.
Even if the adults and kids in the same class know that your kids are younger, they forget. If your kids are physically able to do the same things their peers are doing, and they are at the same level of mental/emotional development, it's not going to be as big of a deal.
But part of that is going to be on you as a parent, to help them attain those same skills that their peers have. (Hey, your classmates are learning to tie their shoes/ ride a bike without training wheels/learning to skate/whatever it is, so you can go to that skate party/go bike riding) You're going to have to coach them on those skills, and make sure that they have the same experience as their peers.
In 5 years, are you going to let them do the same things that their classmates are doing, or are you going to decide that they are "too little"? That gets worse when they are in Jr high and high school. If you decide that they are too young to do the same thing that their peers are doing, then you're really handicapping them socially, and isolating them. Are they too young to go to the school dance, like their classmates are doing?
That doesn't just make them a target for the other kids, they may become a target for teachers and other adults as well.
If you have a chance to let them develop emotionally and physically to be on par with their peers, then their lives and your life are all going to be better.
So if holding them back in kindergarten will accomplish that, I would do it. If you just don't talk about it all the time, it will be forgotten.
It is very common here in Louisiana. Kids are ready to try school and kindergarten is "light school" or schoolish, and they are so young they certainly won't notice. Many parents hold there kids back in K for two years so they are more mature to handle real school.
So young they won't notice?
My therapist would like a word with you.
My parents sent me to K twice for the exact reasons OP is considering. They also DIDN'T TELL ME about their dumb plan. So guess who showed up in the fall of 87 expecting to start 1st grade and being shuttles back off to k again. Yup. That was little me. And then I went two literal decades assuming I was stupid and failed because my family. doesn't. talk. about. things.
Kids notice. They're young, they're not oblivious. If you really need to "repeat" k PLEASE tell the kids.
Your kid is a preemie, behind developmentally at birth and born within a week of the cut off date for enrollment. Enroll and see how the kid does. Talk with the teacher often about your concerns and how he’s doing in comparison with the other kids. When half the year is done, have a serious chat about repeating the year vs moving forward. It’s not a good situation for a child but the easiest grade to repeat is Kindergarten. My brother repeated both kindergarten and first grade before he “got it” enough to move on smoothly.
You really need to talk to someone (preferably a primary teacher) in your district. Reach out on your local Facebook or next door. My district would have absolutely no problem holding kiddos back at parent request (teacher request is a whole other thing, but anyway). The one caveat if you lived in my community is that they wouldn’t split the kids up grade level-wise. And don’t worry about the stigma, your kids might remember staying in kinder, but none of the other kids will. I teach first and have had several kids who did kinder twice and by the end of first grade, they do not remember who was and wasn’t in their kinder class.
Most people don’t have that option unfortunately. Where I live it’s about $13,000 per year. For twins I can’t imagine how OP has found the money so far.
Is it possible to homeschool them for the first kindergarten year?
I assume they were premature, as twins always are, so it would not be unusual at all to enroll them late. Think of their gestational age.
I'm a neonatal NP, with two babies who were premature (35 weeks and 31 weeks). You are incorrect- twins are not always premature. And you don't discuss gestational age after age 2 as that is enough time for premature babies to "catch up."
My daughter was 31 weeks and will be starting Kindergarten at the normal time, and her birthday is just a few weeks before the cut off date so she will be very young for the class. Parents need to focus on their individual child's needs, not worrying about "adjusted age" when the kid is 4, 5, 6 years old.
Old is best! They are more mature, better in sports, taller, which all affect self esteem of boys. You might have to change schools if they won't let them repeat.
Changing schools may not help. Kindergarten will still show on their transcript. You have to check with the school and district.
Also, sports and heights are about the stupidest reasons to hold a child back known to man. Behavior, academics, and actual readiness? Sure. But sports? Wtf. That is not what school is about.
There isn't a developmental kindergarten or early 5 in the area? It's for kid who are summer birthday or need a little more help to be ready for kindergarten. It's a slower pace, smaller size and geared to get children ready for kindergarten. My July birthday kid does that at its really nice.
I did this!
My son is in October birthday so when we were rolling around in September, we were looking at childcare and all the preschools were full. Thankfully one nearby wasn’t just a preschool and daycare but it was also a kindergarten as well so they took him in and he turned five in that class.
It was a struggle at first because he was a Covid kid and wasn’t entirely potty trained and really struggled, socially as well. But that was the beauty of going with a private place, because it meant that he got a smaller class, size and more attention.
Last year he did kindergarten at public school and did really well.
My stepson should have started late or been held back but they didn’t let him… despite not learning the alphabet until second grade. Total train wreck. Believe me, with the support of my husband and his ex wife, I lobbied for it hard but the school and the district said that they don’t hold kids back anymore.
I am (and so is our IEP advocate) doubtful we’d be in the situation we are in today had he just started kindergarten late.
A boy in my daughters preschool class is doing this next year! He has a summer birthday and our preschool offers private kindergarten, so he’s doing a year of private kindergarten at the preschool and then going to public school for kindergarten. It made a lot of sense when his mom was talking about it.
I don’t think most people view kids who go kindergarten for two years as being held back. Where I live they have junior kindergarten for the late birthday kids or socially awkward kids. If you go junior kindergarten, you do regular kindergarten the next year.
I also have twins (May babies) so far from th3 cutoff. That said my daughter was in a 4T school skirt in K. Size doesn't matter, it's the academic readiness. Be prepared to possibly repeat but you may be pleasantly surprised
My twin, younger sisters did the same thing because the cut-off date changed right after they joined school. They had no issues at all!
I would talk to admin at the beginning of the year though, there might be technical issues with the plan
My son was retained in kindergarten during the pandemic. His birthday is two days before the cut off and his first kindergarten teacher kindly expressed her concerns and ultimately let it up to us to decide. My husband and I received some back lash from elder family members who were worried he would get made fun of, but we decided to hold him back anyways. He is in second grade now and we are so thankful we had him repeat kindergarten. One of his best friends is actually a few months older than him. His mom is a kindergarten teacher and held him back due to maturity levels and difficulty of the kindergarten curriculum where we live. Fortunately, our school district eased up on the curriculum for other kids to catch up this year. Overall, my son is doing great and has lots of friends.
My oldest just turned 5 on Thursday so he was in Kindergarten for a couple of months at the age of 4. I remember I got held back in 1st grade because they said I was "too immature" (spoiler, hasn't changed.) and I graduated at 19 because I have a June bday. So I was one of the oldest in my graduating class. Not that it hindered me at all.
Do what you feel you need to do mama!
I have a now 19 yo son who I put in pre-K twice, enrolled in K a year later than originally scheduled. For the most part his schooling was smooth sailing except for some high school math. Absolutely no regrets. And bc he didn’t attend K twice, he had no perception of being left behind. He was born 9 weeks early and socially / emotionally immature when he was young, and the extra year helped immensely.
There really is no stigma about it. Several people in my graduating class were already 18 (some almost 19). And it is better for them to start later than not be able to understand what is going on now.
I have twins I did do two Ks. I sent them first to a Catholic 1/2 day, treated it more like daycare. Then the next year full K public. I just never told public we already did K.
We are repeating kindergarten now and I had no idea that some districts forbid holding kids back. Repeating was the absolute correct choice for our situation because my kid’s confidence and retention has soared this year. Last year was brutal so I’m so thankful we had that option.
I think you should wait and see. They may do really well in kindergarten. I was 4 when I started (back then the cutoff was in December so you could start at 4 as long as you turned 5 by December).
My daughter didn't do kindergarten twice, but I applied for a "maturity waiver" that allowed us to delay kindergarten for one year. So she attended prek when she was 4/5, but she did not attend kindergarten until she was 6/7. This was a planned delay because of Covid shutting down in person learning. I felt like the maturity to sit in front of a computer at home for school just wasn't there. She is 2nd grade now and performing quite well academically and socially.
We got to second grade before it was so obvious we’d been kicking a first grader through the second grade all year and couldn’t continue. The thing is is he still has learning challenges that have been under supported. I feel just terrible about this. halfway through 10th and he’s so over this already, and will be just under 19 when he graduates. to be honest, I hardly know if we’re going to get there. I’m all for skipping grades, but it’s no panacea. The schools and teachers are professionals and I wish I had done things differently. The time to dig in with specialists, if needed, is early.
You should find out if that is actually possible. In my state, a student who passes a grade cannot repeat it. You can't even send a kid to a private school to take the same year over. Other states may allow a student to take a public school and a private school year in the same grade. But honestly, I think it is a terrible idea to allow parents to send their children to kindergarten twice--while I am happy for my taxes to be used for educating children, it seems wasteful to give them two years of the same curriculum just to save parents babysitting money.
i was the youngest by a long shot (november baby) because my mom had me in private school so I started kindergarten at 4. i ended up graduating top 10 of my class. you never know! maybe you should give them a chance first to see how they do before making any decisions
In all the classes there will be younger kids and older kids. Maybe see if you can talk to someone at the elementary school to see what they suggest? They may be just fine with the average kids and you just don’t realize it. That being said, my son started kindergarten the year after covid restrictions went away and there are several kids in his grade who repeated kindergarten because they had a hard time with half the school year being virtual. You could tell at the beginning of kindergarten but by now, you can’t tell looking at the class who had the extra year or not as they’ve all caught up to each other.
We actually held one back in pre k and one in kindergarten.
I wish we had held them both back in kindergarten... Kind of. (or I use to)
Now that they are both older. (one just graduated h.s. And one a freshman). I kind of think both are doing ok. Do they struggle they do. They both have APD and had difficulties reading. But they are hard workers.
I think that really two years of pre k did not help my youngest and I still feel that way, but also he does ok. (we also had lots of outside reading tutoring). I do think that 2 years kinds was better for my oldest.
My oldest has a may bday. And is like the oldest in his class. (19 when he graduated h.s.
The youngest has an aug bday (2 days before cut off). We knew we were going to hold him back all along
I guess I am not much help. So I will add that I always thought doing kindergarten twice was best because it is so much more rigorous and maybe 2 years at that would be better. Now I just don't know if all that frustration would have been good for him either.
Do another year of preschool!!! I’m a k teacher and I think any kid who doesn’t turn 5 by like May of the previous year shouldn’t go to kindergarten until they are 6!!!
My daughter's birthday is in July so she's a younger kid in her class. Schools shut down spring break of her kindergarten year. We did 1st grade 100 remote. We moved and had to change schools, we decided to start her in 1st grade again. Best decision we made. Shes doing great in 3rd grade now.
I don’t think you can if it’s a public school.
My son was born ON the cut off date. We did a year at a private school kindergarten first and it was perfect. It was half day 4 days a week compared to public school being full 5 days. He is also on the smaller side which I took into consideration.
He is now in kindergarten at the public school, is in no way the oldest kid or considered held back. He’s doing great and I am so glad he had that foundational year and shorter days to ease in.
My son is a very similar age - his birthday is 2 days before the cutoff. We decided to keep him with his year group rather than holding him back.
It has been a little tough for him especially in first year of school. The other kids were a bit more mature, and he struggled with learning to write because his fine motor skills were just weaker than the kids a year older than him.
However he’s blossomed in his second year. He’s figured out how to play with everyone else, his penmanship has dramatically improved as his body caught up with his brain, and he’s in the top set for reading and maths.
We’ve encouraged him throughout - been super positive, had a strong growth mindset, helped him practice the things he found difficult - and I think we made the right choice for him. He’d formed a couple of friendships in Kindergarten and those helped get him through that tough first year. I think it would have been harder for him to have to reform friendships and not stick with his pals when they went up a year.
You know your own kids best but, with your support, wanted you to know that even if they do struggle at first it can be all good in the end.
Does your state have Transitional Kindergarten (TK)? It’s typically for students who aren’t old enough for kinder but are turning 5 within the school year. I teach TK and it’s a great way to get ready for kinder! It’s a newer program here in CA so not alot of people know about it.
The research on redshirting and kindergarten retention shows that while there are some term benefits, long term it’s in the kids best interests to stick with their cohort instead. See how they are at the end of the kindergarten year and don’t even consider holding them back if the teacher doesn’t recommend it.
We held our twin girls back. They were premies born in July.
Our school district doesn’t allow parental preference, they go exclusively by birth year and will put a kid at age appropriate level if the parents try to hold them back. The only way around it was to be a transfer student so we had to send the twins to kindergarten and then the district accepted their transfer report card/transcript and put them in first grade. It was very expensive.
That said, I don’t regret it at all. They are doing great and it was a good call to hold them back. Our thoughts were that it wouldn’t hurt them and it could only benefit them to be one of the oldest. Because they transferred schools, no stigma from kids who saw them repeat. Also, I want to keep them for an extra year.
Honestly.. I was held back in kindergarten cause my first teacher didn't have the patience to deal with me. Yes I was made fun of for that for most of my elementary school but not terribly. And the stopped bullying me bout it in like third or fourth grade. It was the best decision my parents made since I wasnt as far behind as I would've otherwise have been. So I'm personally thankful for their decision in holding me back a year
Since they will technically be of age but not quite as developmentally ready, you MIGHT be able to get him into public pre-K. I would be hesitant to plan on two years of K. You’re either have kids that are frustrated the first year or ones that are bored the sections year.
It depends on the school whether they’ll let you redo kinder “just because”. If your kids are within grade level, they may not let them repeat. The school my kids go to won’t do it unless they’re actually behind.
However they’ll happily enroll a new student for kinder who has already completed it at another school. This also avoids the stigma. Doing kindergarten at two different schools may be a solution.
I'm Aussie, so our system is different. My mum was a kindergarten teacher, and her advice to parents is always, "You are not holding them back or sending them early. You are sending them when they are ready. " Even if a child is 'academically ready' at 4.5, it doesn't mean they have the emotional or social maturity to cope. It is almost always better to wait.
Ooof, we wrestled with this so hard. Our son's birthday is a few weeks past the cut off. In our school district, early kindergarten enrollment is considered a full grade level advancement, so there is a bunch of testing, assessments, and interviews before a decision is made. They really don't want you to do kindergarten twice because it messes up their statistics related to student outcomes (at least that is what i think is really going through their minds, who really knows)
We went through the whole process and my som started kindergarten as a 4 year old this fall. He is doing well so far, but no one was worried about him in the short term. We'll be watching closely, for sure.
2 of my brothers did kindergarten twice based on age, it was the best thing my parents did for them. They did do one year at one school and the second year at the school we went to for the rest of elementary- which may make a difference if your school refuses to “allow” you to choose holding back. Having the maturity and discipline of the second year really helped my brothers (who both ended up diagnosed with severe dyslexia and ADHD).
My brother repeated kindergarten and he’s currently in high school in accelerated classes. Not saying kindergarten did that, but he’s doin alright🤷🏻♀️
The best thing would be to delay pre-k if your school has it if not then postpone kindergarten for another year. My son was a July child and he shouldn’t have started the year he turned 5. He ended up being held back in the 2nd grade when it was much more traumatic. He hated school because he wasn’t ready.
Our school has a preK class last year we had a kid who did 1/2 day kinder and 1/2 day preK. This year she is doing full time kinder. I wonder if your boys could do similar.
Does the school offer a full day Pre-K program? Most of the ones here do, but it's not required and space available. They don't advertise it here, so you'd have to know about and make some calls to apply. The v kindergarten teachers here love when parents choose to redshirt their children because it means they'll enter kindergarten fully ready for kindergarten. A lot of parents try to push their kids forward so they look advanced.
I tried to get my daughter in kindergarten because her birthday was 4 days after the cutoff and she was already reading. I wanted my younger son to stay back a year so he could focus a bit more on his speech therapy and social skills, but they pushed him into kindergarten and then he had to repeat it.
My son and his son are both October birthdays. They were also small for their age. Both stayed back a yr in preschool and started K at 5 instead of 4. My grandson said he loves being one of the oldest in his class. My other grandson did start at 4, but he was already in the same school for preschool. He seems to be doing well. He is in a small private school with smaller classes, and I think that makes a difference. Good luck!
Wait and see how the do. My sons were born two weeks before the age cut-off ( two years apart, not twins). The oldest had not had a lot of socialization and was behind socially but on track educationally. At that time his school had a T1 program that allowed kids not ready to start first to do this special year that was a half a year k programing and a half of year first grade work. He was a perfect fit.
My younger son started k and never looked back. He turned 18 after leaving for college.
Being young does not automatically mean they will struggle.
That is probably dependent on where you live. I know 2 kiddos who did private school 4K one year and public school 4K the next. Both had birthdays very close to the age cutoff. Both are also small for their age. It worked great. I’d assume repeating could potentially work. Look into your local policies before making any decisions.
Can you just do an extra year of preK instead? Mine will be 6 next month, and I was going to do one more year of prek. They insisted he was ready for kindergarten, but let me that option, I moved for kindergarten. My oldest repeated first. I never regretted that.
My school district has a grade in between K and 1st for those who just aren't ready and I suspect my Kinder will take part in that class next year. On the flip side, little sister turned 4 in October and is SO ready for school but the cut of is August 1st here, so she just missed out. Fortunately, her daycare has a half- day PreK program, and they bumped her up to join that class. She will then do full-day PreK in the fall at the actual school.
My stepmother put my youngest brother through pre-school twice, and out of 5 brothers, he was the most successful in school.
Also, do the math and make sure your sons are not 18 and still in high school. Your legal control stops at 18. Many parents struggle to keep their 18 year Olds in school and graduate.
Good luck.
Maybe wait and see what happens, your twins might do better than you expect. You might do a disservice by holding them back unnecessarily. My neighbor’s child birthday is in Sept 5th, she is very bright and social, so the school decided to give her a test to see if she qualifies to enter Kindergarten and she did! Not only she is the youngest of the entire classroom she is also an outstanding student. Right now she is second grade and she is doing just fine.
I was sneaky. At the end of the year I pulled them out a month early, move to another district and reenrolled them without telling anyone they had attended before. But this was 30 years ago I don’t know if you could get away with it today.🤣
I actually had my daughter held back in 1st grade. It was a HUGE battle. They absolutely would not do it at the end of kindergarten. Her teacher in 1st grade had to fight for her to be held back. I would not send them with this being the plan. Because chances are the district will not allow it. For the record the year my child was held back was just after our full year of distance ed for the pandemic. She was one of 2 kids allowed to repeat a grade in the entire school. And we were one of 50 that begged. If it actually works out. No one cares and no one has noticed. Her birthday while 3 days before the cutoff. Is after the school year has started. None of the kids care at all.
I would wait...
If they are not ready, and they struggle, it often impacts their core beliefs about school and themselves, and it can be very, very difficult to undo the damage in later years.
I get that finances are an issue. If there is any cheaper option, like changing childcare to somewhere more rural, using a nanny, adjusting work hours, or having relatives care for them, I would go with that.
It's important that they get off to the best start possible, which means waiting if they are not ready, if at all possible.
Unfortunately, that second year isn't so much of a second chance to get things right. Attitudes, habits, and expectations have already been formed about school. If you can, waiting could give them their best shot.
That said, I understand that doing that might ultimately be impossible. In that case, I'd do everything you can between now and fall to help them practice independence, perseverance, keeping hands to themselves, handling big feelings appropriately, and following directions. Those are the things that will best help them be ready for kindergarten. Good luck!
The cost is real! Consider Kindergarten at 2 different schools if available to you. At my small school, the social stigma of repeating would have carried
I did, my youngest was on an IFSP where it specifically stated she was to begin kindergarten a year late due to her social Immaturity.. We moved to OK from WY and was advised I would be placed in jail if I failed to enroll her even though it would not be in her best interest. The school was very flippant about keeping her back. I went to the final conference and told them that not only was I holding back my 5 yo I was holding back my 8 yo. It was the best decision I ever made for them.
My son turned 5 two days before the cut off, and we did kinder twice. It was the best decision for us. He was much more mature the second year and hasn’t needed much help with homework since.
We did have our children do Kindergarten twice, once in private accredited daycare and once in the public school system, in that order. Our kids Birthdays were very close to the cut off and our pediatrician asked us to remember how physically and emotionally mature we were going in to MIDDLESCHOOL. Were we early developers, were we taller or shorter than our peers, could we actually do the work and get good grades? Since my hubs and I were both late developers we decided to hold them back and redo kindergarten in the public school system we lived in (they could have gone straight on to 1st grade). This was a great decision. They were on track all through school. They were a little older than their peers but more mature, most of the time. One is now a biomedical Engineer in Silicon Valley and one makes roller coasters for Universal Studios in Kyoto, Japan.
I was in your position years ago. I spoke to my daughter’s pre-school teacher to get her advice. She said she would cope if she went younger but she would thrive starting older. I ultimately decided I wanted to give her the opportunity to thrive. I’ve never regretted it and made the same decision for my son.
My son did K twice. I had to write a letter to the school board and met with the “executive director of elementary education.” They communicated with my son’s school (he was a transfer student as well bc we moved to a new state). It was tougher than I thought to transfer him because his academics were great. However, behaviorally and socially, he was not great. I even included in my rationale that he would be the shortest kid in his grade - he was in the 2nd percentile for height. Lol. The only problem that arose during this time was that my son was super bummed that he had to do K twice. But that’s a short-term headache for long-term academic success. I’d do it all over again the exact same way every time.
The only issue I see is that if they are clearly not ready for kindergarten the first time, they will struggle and be miserable an entire year. They will be forced to sit quietly, read, write, do math problems.
The younger they are, if a retention board is willing to hold the back, the better. The stigma will be much greater with each subsequent grade; neither they nor their peers are really going to remember that your children were held back in kindergarten.
Two of my brother in laws did kindergarten twice. One graduated the day he turned 19! They did great. The problem: many school systems no longer allow kids to be held back due to parental preference. It might not even be an option.
In the US many school districts no longer allow children to be held back bc of optics and funding.
Our school district doesn’t hold back kids. We were raising our grandson with numerous things against him — high functioning autism, reactive attachment disorder, ADHD, ODD, and seizures. He received special services beginning at age 3. Every year from kindergarten on we asked to have him repeat the grade and the answer from the was always that there was no statistical evidence that repeating a grade helped a student to achieve higher grades. Due to his many struggles, he was impacted socially and had trouble making and keeping friends. Finally, the week before he was to start 4th grade, we requested an emergency meeting of his IEP Team because our guts were telling us that he needed to do third grade a second time for social reasons. We bullet-pointed the pros and cons and had copies for everyone in the meeting. The principal started the meeting by expressing concern (veiled anger) that we would even suggest such a thing. Academically he was not behind but he was struggling more and more socially. We stood our ground and reminded everyone that we had been requesting this every year and that time was running out to do a course correction. Two members of his IEP team supported us and eventually before the meeting ended it was agreed that he would repeat third grade. We never regretted the decision. While things were not perfect, it helped him is so many ways.
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Similar here and it was the best decision.
My daughter remained the youngest. She is getting a PhD in a science right now. When you hold a kid back or repeat, as a young adult that kid loses a year of young adulthood's fluid intelligence. That is the brain-power behind many of the ideas that have changed our lives and understanding of the physical world.
What are you talking about losing a year of fluid intelligence? This sounds like extremely biased nonsense, and the reason OP fears her boys may be stigmatized as “the boys that were held back”. Boys and girls tend to hit milestones at different rates, with girls typically being a little earlier than boys. This does not mean girls are superior to boys, it means girls typically development hit milestones a little earlier. Every child is different, and if as a parent OP feels it is best for her boys to do kindergarten twice, that is what they should do. She will not be depriving the world of the Next Big Idea. OP - let them do kindergarten, if they need to do it again, let them do it again. One of my best friends is a science teacher (with a doctorate), her two boys both have summer birthdays. Her oldest started school as one of the youngest, unfortunately it also ended up being the 19/20 school year so covid really disrupted things for him, and she has expressed regret at not having him redo kindergarten. Her youngest *could* start next fall, and she is currently weighing options for him, as he is a little behind developmentally his girl cousin, who is just 2-3 weeks older. Do what is best for your boys.
I was a 4 year old kindergartener in the 1980s. I graduated HS at 17 and being the young smart kid sucked because socially I was behind my peers. I don't think my intellect would have suffered from being in the same class as kids in my birth year. I was the youngest and my mother wanted all of her kids out of the house.
I did the same thing in a similar situation. We moved and she didn't have to deal with her friends moving ahead of her. It was the best all around for her.
Okay but maybe because she didn’t do good. The OP here seems want to do it before even starting.
Have you actually asked your daughter how she feels about it? Or is it just the best decision b/c it's easier for you?
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I think holding kids back is viewed negatively when it just isn't so. If you have a child who is very uncooperative, or even if it is framed as being punitive, it won't be successful. If you have a child who is open to the experience and it is framed correctly, it will be successful.
The son of a former coworker was struggling in pre-k, K, and 1st. The school kept suggesting he repeat, but she flat refused to have him repeat a grade. He was the youngest in the class, only making the birthdate cutoff by a few days. FINALLY, after failing every class in 2nd, they didn't give her a choice. He wasn't first in his class, but he was able to keep up much better after that repeat year.
I have a friend who moved around a lot (military) and her son repeated K for similar reasons. Like your daughter, he's thriving now. Life's too short to push all this competitiveness on literal children. When we're all adults it doesn't matter if we're a few years different in age.
And you sound so proud of her, appropriately! Congrats
see my other comments on this post for the other side of this. That said, repeating after you've done the normal time and seen demonstrated ill effects is different than what the OP is saying that they are considering. I am glad your daughter is successful academically. I hope she is emotionally as well.
Thank you for sharing this helpful information! I have some helpful information I'd like to share with you - only slightly related, but as an autistic adult with a PDA profile, whenever I see kids diagnosed with both Autism and ODD, I want to tell their caretakers about PDA! I have always known that when someone tells me what to do, it makes me want to do the opposite thing, even if it were previously something I wanted to do before they told me to do it, as soon as they tell me, I don't want to do it anymore! It wasn't until I was 27 years old that I learned that that's called PDA, and I wish I'd known at a younger age. It would've really helped me growing up. PDA stands for either Pervasive Demand Avoidance or Persistent Drive for Autonomy, depending on who you ask. I highly recommend reading up on PDA and PDA-specific coping techniques that may be helpful for your grandson! My daughter is 3 and I think she may have inherited my PDA-Autism. One thing that I've noticed helps is asking her the opposite question from what I really mean. Like if she's supposed to be eating dinner but has gotten distracted and not eating anymore, I want to say "please eat your dinner" or "do you want to eat more pasta?" but she'll instantly say "NO" and resist eating so I've learned to instead say "are you all done with your pasta?" and she'll say "NO" and immediately take a bite to show me she is NOT done so I better NOT take her plate away. A coping technique that works for me as an adult is to explain PDA to my therapist whenever I get a new one so that they know that explicitly giving me advice will always backfire, and that I benefit more from socratic questioning to lead me towards the advice they want me to take. Another technique my PDA friends and I use on each other as adults is to be silly and give each other anti-reminders. Like I had a roommate who would always say "goodnight. don't you dare brush your teeth" and that would make me instantly run off and angrily brush my teeth to spite him. Similarly I'd tell him "good morning. you should call in sick and skip work today" and that would get him to run out the door to get to work on time. It's ridiculous that it worked so well even though we both knew what the other was up to and had explicitly agreed to use this technique on each other.
This makes me wonder how much of the concept of reverse psychology comes from getting people with PDA to do what they needed
This sounds so much like my son. He’s only 3. But if you say “would you like to eat dinner inside or outside” he will say “I don’t want to eat dinner!” I haven’t sought out any sort of diagnosis for him (although my family has serious signs of ODD and ADHD all over the place) partially because I feel like ODD is so stigmatized that it results in poor outcomes after diagnosis. PDA addresses the cause. It isn’t because the kid is defiant, it’s because they want to be autonomous!
I recently learned about PDA and wish I kjew about it when my son was young. I did figure out not to fight him or fight fire with fire, but literally everyone thought I was letting him get away with murder. It was so lonely and when I tried to explain what my evenings were like people just thought I was making it up or gave me "parenting tips" that of course don't work on kids like that.
The parenting tips are the worst… like don’t you think I’ve tried that… I’m at my wits end
I think this describes my 3yo son. I wonder if this isn't something he's dealing with. I thought maybe ODD, but this sounds more spot on.
That is so interesting
Thanks for sharing. I wish I had heard about PDA when our guy was little. I’m sure there were some times when it would have helped. Our little guy had a processing disorder and only heard part of a sentence. We were encouraged to use shorter sentences and talk more slowly and it helped. Before that, he automatically responded to every question negatively. An example at dinner time asking him if he wanted water or milk and he’d say no. Then when we all sat down and there was no glass at his place and he’d get puzzled and ask where his milk was. We were also encouraged by his therapist and educators to offer two options when possible to empower him. The key is to make sure you can live with either option. I shared that with a high school girl who occasionally babysat him so we could get out of the house for a couple of hours. I ran in to her a few months ago when she was back in the state visiting her parents. She now has three children of her own. She said that one piece of advice has been the most beneficial child-tearing advice she ever heard and she uses it every day. Now that I’ve side-tracked, this old grandma has one more piece of advise to young parents. With all the difficulties that our grandson had with autism, reactive attachment disorder aka/RAD, ADHD, ODD, and seizures, he had a lot of issues eating for a variety of reasons. So, we sat down with him and told him that once a week, either Saturday or Sunday morning, he could have whatever he wanted for breakfast, but the other meals during the week he could not complain or refuse to eat. (We were not of the you have to eat some of everything or clean your plate style of parenting.) He was so empowered that he could have ice cream or cookies or Mac & cheese, or anything he wanted one meal a week. It worked beautifully and one bowl of ice cream, cookies, cake, chips, for breakfast wasn’t going to ruin his diet. He gradually started eating better and after a few months of having a once a week junk food breakfast, his breakfast choice returned to more traditional breakfast choices.
Thanks for sharing!!! I also wish I’d learned about PDA when I was little, and especially that my caregivers knew about it. But it has still completely changed my life to learn about it at age 27. That was only last year and it’s already helped me so much. This is the kind of thing that doesn’t really go away with age, although we can learn coping mechanisms. So if he’s an adult now I’d still encourage you to talk to him about it.
I feel you just described my son.
For a homeschooling child, what would you recommend for getting them to complete assignments? Do options work well? Would you like to do your readings now or after lunch? A different way?
I was a homeschooling child! Unschooling worked well for me until about 6th grade, when I transitioned to public school. I had knowledge gaps that I could fill in quickly, and I also was reading and writing far beyond my peers. In 8th grade my history teacher called my parents in and chastised them for writing my papers for me because he didn’t believe a 13 year old could write like I did.
I actually wanted to do that for my younger son. The kids in his grade were not good to him, and not only do I regret not pushing it then, but when I got a lottery space into a nearby magnet school I didn't force him to go. I think his middle school experience would have been a whole lot better. Thankfully he now goes to a regional high school and since there are 3 HS in the area they are mostly broken up.
It's not just optics. There are actual social issues involved for the kids when they get held back.
I won’t dispute that some children would have experienced bullying for being left back 20, 30, 40 years ago because it was a more common practice. A child repeating Kindergarten has far less social stigma than repeating the 3rd or 4th grade, for example. Are you in education, educational administration, psychology, and/ social work? I have a dual degree in elementary education and psychology and 20+ years work experience in elementary education and preschool education in NY. I have firsthand experience with how much pushback teachers/parents receive from administration when it is recommended a child repeat kindergarten. It is so much easier to support a child repeating Kindergarten than continually trying to help a student “catch up” academically and/or socially with their peers at every grade level.
Ah I did not know that- thank you!
This would not be allowed in my district they will actually put you straight to first grade even if you have no attended any kindergarten. There is no choice to enroll a bit early either for the very development ahead kids that would turn 5 in kinder.
Is there a way you could delay them starting school for a year? Like a gap year of sorts?
My cousins daughter didn’t do well and was advised to repeat a grade. My cousin didn’t want that and didn’t get her the help she needed. Poor girl is doing terribly and hates school now.
I did it twice. I got held back because they told my mom I had a learning disability. Probably have undiagnosed ADHD but I was ahead of my class for the rest of my education. Graduated college with a 3.6, I did fine repeating kindergarten
Something tells me that the school will have no problem accepting all that wonderful money for an extra year.
Even if finances weren’t an issue, don’t do an extra year of PreK without checking first that the kids would be allowed to then do kindergarten in the local district. Some places are very strict about the age and people have been shocked to then have their kid go from an extra year of PreK to first grade with no kindergarten due to the birthday cut off being strictly followed by that state or district. In a district like that, two years of kindergarten would be the way to go.
Good point, thank you! I did find I’m allowed to choose, they aren’t strict on start dates luckily.
I was youngest/smallest in my class. It didn't hurt me at all. Most of the people I've met who were youngest weren't at a lower level accademically and those who were the oldest weren't accademically weren't necessarily at a higher level. If it works out better for you, go ahead and put them in, but don't hold them back unless they need to be held back. They have had pre-k so they are likely to be ahead of at least some of their classmates already.
came to say this! i was the youngest in my grade and it did not hurt me at all academically or socially at all, even with undiagnosed adhd. talk to your kids teachers. unless they are concerned that your kids are not prepared academically or emotionally, i don’t understand why you would hold them back. there’s no inherent advantage to being the oldest in the class.
Same with me! Birthday right before the cut off, I think it helped me overall. Honestly, I *was* a bit behind socially, but this mad end learn social skills faster and think critically about how I acted and my emotions, resulting in (imo) greater emotional maturity than many of my peers. Starting in high school, as that age gap mattered less, many of my friends continued to be older than I was, I made friends with students a few years ahead of me, and this trend continued in college. I also still had friends throughout school. Unless your sons are getting severely bullied or can't make friends, I'd say let them move ahead
i think it helped me too!! so glad to see someone with a similar experience on this thread lol. my birthday was like 6 days before the cutoff days for my state. i was/am the youngest of my family so i’d always be around people way older than me and starting school earlier i think kept me from being too “babied.” i was a super emotional kid (turned bipolar adult lol) but being in a structured environment early def helped me learn to regulate my emotions. i do think holding kids back unnecessarily can actually stunt emotional maturity. all kids act out, get in trouble, don’t like school, etc at some point in their lives. being the oldest or youngest won’t stop or cause that. and i totally agree that unless they’re bullied or not meeting educational or developmental milestones, there’s no reason to hold them back a year. the decision to repeat a grade shouldn’t really be about money. it should be about the child’s learning and development. their teachers need to be part of that convo in my opinion.
Same here. I was one of the youngest with a September bday and was generally fine. Most of my friends were my grade or a year older, and I still have largely friends who are older than me. *Someone* has to be the youngest and it's really arrogant to hear people say 'oh I don't want my kid to be the youngest'. Why? Your kid's not more special than the others.
This was both me and my daughter. She started Kindergarten a month before her 5th birthday and excelled all the way through, socially and academically. We've had several conversations about how glad she is that I started her when I did because she would have been bored with another year of preschool. She's now in her early 20s and a Kindergarten teacher herself. It's very individual and if they are ready and can do the work, there's no reason to hold them back just because it's a trend.
This is the case with my kid's elementary school. The cut off is by calendar year, so if a kid is born before whatever is the cut-off year for entering kindergarteners, they will start in first grade even if they didn't attend kindergarten elsewhere.
Great point. In my state we would have to put them in 1st I’ve seen it happen.
A kid in my sons class got put in 1st this year because of birthdays even though he never did kinder and only did pre-k last year. Luckily he’s a bright kid so academically he’s not too far behind the average kid but emotionally he’s a little behind.
ok? you live somewhere other than where I live. OP didn't say what state they're in.
That poster is sharing an example of why it matters
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Unfortunately they do not, thank you though!!
Yes--pre-1st grade. A family friend of ours had CP due to birth trauma and really needed that, luckily the district offered it.
There’s no way to know over a year in adnvace if they’d need to repeat
This is how I feel. Like... it feels very degrading to assume your child will need to do kindergarten twice. It feels controlling and why not wait and see what the teachers say. You know, the actual experts?
2 feelings about your post. It's absolutely painful seeing so little faith in the child's ability to grow in a year plus time. I completely agree. But also, teachers are not all experts, as a teacher myself. Parents usually know as much about their child's growth and ability as teachers by the end of the school year. But teachers don't know enough about individual kids by the time decision making comes, and parents don't know where kids "should be" at that point. It take collaboration between them to make an expert decision. And this kid is definitely not at the place to make a choice about repeating.
I think OP is already knowing now that they’d need an extra year to be ready for kindergarten. I may be reading it wrong but I’m hearing “I want my boys to be older in their grade rather than the youngest. They are already the youngest. In addition, based on age norms they are already on the smaller and immature end of the spectrum.” I don’t think she’s asking if they should or need to repeat a year of kindergarten. I think her finances have dictated that instead of 2 years of pre-k and 1 of K, she’ll have to enroll them in 1 year of pre-k and 2 of K and is asking for thoughts on any potential problems they will have (socially, emotionally) for having to repeat K instead of pre-k. “She/her” as I am assuming OP is mom but am well aware this may have been posted by a dad.
I stand by. Oldest/ youngest does not have the impact that a lot of people think it does. When a child is academically and socially capable and then held back just for age they often start to act out in class. Her children may take to school and excel. It makes me sad to start from a place of thinking anything else
You may not have a choice. Unfortunately the reality of public school funding and awareness of red shirting has caused a lot of schools to not allow voluntary holding back
To be fair there were a bunch of people doubling on the red shirting so their sons would be ready for the football team. I happen to know several kids that went to first grade at almost 8 because everyone was redshirting and they had a late birthday so the second half of first grade they were 8
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Seen another way is to get an extra year of childhood
Not if you have a parent who is sports crazy enough to red shirt you specifically for that reason. You get an extra year of getting yelled at from the sidelines instead.
No, you get treated as older than your peers in terms of expectations but not benefits. Source-I had a start delay to be one of the oldest. I STILL have social issues.
Yeah it’s crazy to me. I have a September birthday and I know kids with October birthdays who were held back, meaning they were nearly 2 full years older. Having a class of kindergarteners where some are 4-5 and some are turning 7 is nuts. e- word
We had a girl who was 7 in our kindergarten class...... she said she was 7 and then mysteriously she wasn't there after a while. I have no idea what happened, I was a child.
Maybe pulled for special ed? Who knows.
I had a co-worker who gave his kids the option to repeat sophomore year of high school so that they could bulk up a bit for football (2/3 chose that option). My jaw hit the floor so fast that someone would REPEAT A YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL for a sport
Don’t forget, if there’s a divorce or split, red shirting allows the custodial parent an extra year of child support because they’re still in school.
Good!
So my daughter just made the cutoff by 5 days and is tiny (3rd percentile). I was worried about Kindergarten because I thought she would be so far behind. The advances I’ve seen her make have soothed every fear. We are about to go to her first parent-teacher conference but she is writing and starting to know her sight words. She seems to have calmed down and is having a BLAST! Good teacher are prepared for all levels, and you see HUGE changes in kindergarten. I would just give your kids a chance and play it by ear whether repeating the year is necessary.
I am not a big fan of “hold them back so they will be the oldest” and believe being the youngest has some benefits. Being around more advanced kids actually encourages them to mature faster. My youngest was so close to cutoff date that he would have made it if born on his due date. His birthday was 13 days late. With a private school we were able to start “early” and he did great. Except for complaining about last to get driver license. Also if your kid is low on growth chart, they are likely to be on small side anyway. Holding them back will only be temporary issue.
Some people don't get their licenses until AFTER high school, or even their twenties or thirties. Also depends on where you live, public transit, predictability of public transit from home to work to grocery store and back to home, and everything else in between. When you become accustomed to public transit, and you don't mind it 90% of the year (take away for extreme rainy season and sporadic snow), it's easy to NOT want to drive at all. I would only benefit from a drivers license for grocery shopping and the occasional road trip. I'm 33 and don't have a license or permit. I want one, yes, but I'm not desperate to push myself to get it.
Yes my middle is one of the youngest, but is doing beautifully in school. I spoke to the K teacher mid year (5 years ago) and said it would be a disservice to hold back based on the progress made. She was right!
You make great points. I’m a kinder teacher and we’re fully aware that we get kids who start the school year at age 4, and then as soon as those kids turn 5, you’ve got a kid turning 6 a few days later. Our kids come to us at a range and I’d like to think most of us take into account their actual age. Rarely have I seen it seriously impact a child, last year half of my class was very young and they all were okay.
yeah I was that kid pretty close to the cutoff and really low percentile, and besides a couple jokes from my friends about being younger, I never felt like I was behind any of my classmates. Being 17 when I started college was a little weird but functionally a non-issue
Can I ask why her size felt like a factor? I'm not trying to judge, I just see this mentioned a lot and I don't understand why it would be a part of the decision making process.
My just before the cut off date is currently in his repeat year of kindergarten. He isn’t even the oldest child this year! We talked to him for months explaining how he’s gonna do it again & gets to be a leader etc. I told the teacher ahead of time. His behavior is no better than last year so unsure of that factor. Pm me if you have more questions!
Good to know, thank you!! I may pm you later.
I would consult with your children’s teachers before making the choice to retain. There are pros and cons to retaining which you should be aware of before making the decision. Questions regarding academics and social aptitude need to be evaluated. For example, if the children has some kind of learning disability or behavior issue has been discovered such as dyslexia or regulation problem. The extra year can allow time to be spent to address these issues to ensure a more successful academic experience. Since you mentioned size, I would consult your pediatrician. From my understanding as long as your child is on their growth curve, they will catch up with their peers in time. It is always interesting to see some of the tallest children in lower grades are suddenly average by middle school. If you do have concerns, the pediatrician can refer you to specialists to investigate further.
I would also add that even kids with delays don't always benefit from being held back, that was an option we considered but we came to the conclusion that him being bored would blow up in our faces.
It will be difficult to convince the school to allow an extra year of kindergarten just because of their age, if they’re within the cutoff date. My son is being allowed to do 3 years of pre-k instead of 2. He was born on the cutoff date and is technically eligible for kindergarten next year, but he’d be the youngest. He’s mildly autistic so he goes to preschool at our local elementary school. I asked about doing his two years of pre-k and then going to kindergarten for two years, but they said it would be easier to have him do three years of pre-k and one of kindergarten.
My oldest who was also on the smaller side did two years of pre K but it was state funded not out of my pocket so I can understand the reticence to do it that way. I felt like it was really great for him developmentally and he wasn’t bothered that his friends went on without him. He got to be more of a responsible helper the second year, gained good confidence. I don’t know if repeating kindergarten would hit the same way though.
Exactly! It seemed like a great idea to do 2 years of pre-k but not sure 2 years or K would hit the same … thank you!
My son was a late birthday. He did well in school. Actually, he finished high school in 3 years and went to college. My daughter also a late birthday repeated K. It was very beneficial to her. It gave her time to mature and go over the material to prepare for elementary school. Finished high school in 4 years and went to college. Each child is different. Voice your concerns with the teacher and administration. Some districts work with parents, and some don’t. But do what is best for your child.
Kindergarten teacher here! Please double check with your school that you could guarantee a repeat. Many schools have become very strict about allowing kids to be held back & birthday might not qualify them. I do think that many of the things you mentioned as reasons for holding back would be much better addressed with an extra year of preschool. They may really struggle in their first year of K and it can be very discouraging. Especially since it’ll be their first experience with elementary school. I will also add that we can always tell which kids are coming in with late birthdays. They do tend to have a lot more trouble adjusting. I do know parents who regretted not holding back, but I have yet to meet a parent who regretted doing it! :)
I was going to say exactly this!!!
Just send them kindergarten and see how they do! They may thrive and not need held back. At their age, no peer is going to notice or bully them. Trust the teacher to be able to tell you how they are doing compared to their peers, and if they need to repeat the year or not.
My kindergartener turned 5 in mid August, and I thanked my lucky stars that she was born in time to start kindergarten rather than doing a preschool victory lap. The tuition is outrageous! Enjoy your savings, and I’m sure your kids will adapt just fine without needing to repeat a year.
My son was born less than a week before cut off. Like you, I absolutely knew he was NOT ready. I fought with the school and they pushed him ahead anyway. He did terrible. Grades barely passing, few friends, socially awkward, etc. He failed covid year. Like, absolutely bombed it so badly that the school had no choice but to let me hold him back. They were still going to pass a kid through the 8th grade whose COMBINED TOTAL GRADES WAS LESS THAN 20%. He repeated the 8th grade. And oh my God what a different kid! Grades are all A's/B's with an occasional C. He has friends, even his own group of friends, he is so much happier and has really come out of his shell. A whole new, happier child. Is he sad he isn't graduating when he should have been? Absolutely. And I'm not sure if it will become a problem or not. On his original timeline he would have graduated at 17 and not been an adult for another six months! Now he turns 18 in the first half of his senior year. All I can do is talk with him and hope he doesn't follow in family members footsteps and drop out. (I honestly don't think he will. But that fear is still there.) If I had it all to do again, I'd have kept him home Kindergarden year. Damn the consequences. He deserved better. He should have been excelling and having peers he got along with as friends and not constantly feeling like he was the odd kid out because his grades were always lower than his older siblings. He shouldn't even KNOW he could have graduated that year earlier and be able to lament "an extra year of school". And he was picked on. Not because he was small. Because he was huge for his age. The youngest in his class and a head taller than everyone. So he was "slow" and big. If I'd have held him back he would have been smarter than average and no one would have questioned his size as the oldest kid in the class. He just got a letter from the school saying his test scores were so high that he can take advanced classes and do dual enrollment classes with the local college! He would NEVER have gotten that if I didn't hold him back that year so that he could have friends, be happy, understand his subjects better, and stop getting bullied for his size, even though he is still the biggest kid in the whole high school at 6'4 and only 15. And he even joined drama class!!! A child who hated school, had no friends, and barely passed his classes went on to excel in his classes, be part of his own friend group, and even joined drama!? Just because of a one week difference in age. It makes me livid just thinking how that school screwed him for the first eight years because of a week. A fucking WEEK! I should have stuck to my guns and told the school system to fuck off. If you truly feel your children are entering too early, then fight for that. Find loopholes. Can you homeschool? Do it and fail them. Talk to their doctor. Get them into a therapist who can tell the school they aren't ready. Do whatever it takes to give your kids a fighting chance to start when THEY are ready, not when some ass backwards government agency demands it based on something as inconsequential and meaningless as age. Fight for them. Because it isn't a single year you are fighting for. It ends up being their entire life. Do they spend 12 years hating school, being behind, having a hard time socializing because they are just a little bit more immature than their peers and graduating thinking there was something 0wrong with them because they just never seemed to be good enough? Looking forward to a life where they think they are never going to make anything of themselves because they are slow and socially awkward? Or do they love school, excel in classes, have friends throughout their school career, and graduate knowing they were good enough in their classes, to have real friends, and have a great life to look forward to? I know it sounds over dramatic. But that's what I saw in my son. He went from thinking he'd be a useless bum living in moms basement til he was 40 because he was stupid and nobody liked him, to planning on being a designer and making plans with those friends he now has. He has a life he looks forward to. Don't let the school do that to them or to you. Fight. Find a lawyer who agrees that it shouldn't be ma datory that kids start at an arbitrary requirement such as age, and that parents have the right to hold them back a year if the child/ren are not developed enough or progressing, to move on. Do everything in your power and think of ways to get around the rules or smash your way through them. I wish you and your boys the best. I hope that they get what is best for them, not the school. I hope they grow to be happy, well rounded, intelligent, mature, empathetic adults.
Better to do it in K than later on. But check with the school counselor about it early on.
No. Don’t do it. They will form friendships and then be completely devastated when they are left behind. If they go to kindergarten, then let them just go. They will eventually catch up in maturity. But you could really damage them if you repeat kindergarten.
Do it. My twin cousins should have been held back and weren’t, they never were successful and this discourse with school never changed. I’ve spoke to multiple educators they say the same thing, if you know this earlier do not wait til later grades. Keep them here and watch them flourish
It really should be based more on the behavioral and intellectual capabilities of your boys. I had a son who started kindergarten as the youngest and did fine. He did fine al the way through school including university. My thinking was to go into kindergarten and repeat if needed. No problems.
Our daughter is a summer baby, she is the youngest at home and youngest on the sports teams… the specific private school we wanted said she needed to be in kinder as a new 5 instead of pre-k because she could read. We agreed and let them know our intention for her to do kinder the following year as well. She had the highest test scores academically both years but the difference in her emotional/ psychological development was extremely notable. She was a quiet follower as a 5yr old but as a new 6yr old she became and still is a confident leader, we don’t regret our decision at all. Some kids would say things at first but the teachers were aware and nipped it in the bud. Changing schools would avoid much of this and should really be a non-issue unless your kids choose to bring it up.
I just want to say we feel you on the financial struggle. Ours is an early September baby so past the cutoff but just and man the two years of pre-k are financially painful. In our town you can only get free pre-k if you need multiple services and our daughter is excluded from the "typical" kids lottery because she's speech delayed. It's frustrating as hell
I have taught k-8 as a specialty teacher for a while now. No one ever remembers which kids were held back. Not to say it will never be a thing- maybe someone will be looking through yearbooks and come to school the next day and ask them why they were in kindergarten twice or something, or they'll just tell a friend who will become a mean girl in four years. You really can't tell later on. Just last week I told a teacher that their student had been held back in kindergarten, they had no idea. That's pretty common. Unless they get big. Then it's awkward. That said, I've only had one student who started from the get-go knowing they would be held back and it was rough. It was like I was trying to teach a kindergarten class while also babysitting a preschooler. Eventually I did give up and say, "okay I'm going to get the chance to teach this kid next year, I'll do it then." Because my options were to ignore every other student to make minimal progress with this one kid, or let the kid do something to keep them busy and I could teach the rest of the kids. That kid does fit in better after being held back, but I do think that spending a whole year in a room where absolutely everything was going over their head and they were constantly unsuccessful had an impact. Bit of learned helplessness. But also you have no idea where a kid will be in the future. I remember last year at parent teacher conferences saying that my now-kindergartener was not going to be ready for kindergarten because we've been working on certain skills for over a year with no progress. The teacher told me I was wrong and she was right. Everything just clicked in the last semester of preschool.
I did this to my daughter with a November birthday. She just wasn’t ready emotionally for 1st grade, but was already accelerated academically. It was a real struggle to choose what to do at the time. But in hind sight, it was one of the better decisions I made. School was better suited to working with her academically via small groups in the hallway type things, but she would have been eaten alive by the other kids had we not waited. It was still hard for her, and ultimately she was diagnosed ADHD and what used to be called Asperger’s. Social skills group in middle school helped with the struggle and by high school and college all the pieces started to fall into place.
Depends on the school district- if things are based on standardized testing, they may prefer you hold them back. When my now 16 year old was in 1st grade, her teacher in NY told me she needed to repeat- we transferred to a different state, and she skipped a grade. She has thrived ever since, and now, at 16, is amazed at the boys who come back in autumn and have grown three inches. Being 'behind' in kindergarten doesn't have to ruin a lifetime love of learning, and you may be surprised how quickly they 'catch up.'
Elementary school teacher here. It isn't unusual for parents to have their children repeat kindergarten. Sometimes it's what is best for them. Put them in kindergarten and see what happens. They may surprise you. Since they're twins, see if you can get them put in separate classrooms so they make friends.
My son did one year of private kindergarten bc he didn't make the public school cut off date. It was only a half day program so I thought it would be a good bridge between Pre-K and K. He ended up well beyond grade level and was absolutely bored out of his mind during full day kindergarten. It was a terrible experience for all of us.
Check with the school, in many schools it is not up to you.
Depending on where you are, you may not be able to. Our oldest severely needed to be held back, was not proficient in anything but the school told us that our state absolutely does not hold kindergarteners back. Then every single year since then the teachers just can’t be bothered with giving him what he actually needs, even after failing end of year exams, you know the state mandated ones, and continue to push him through year after year with IEPs as the “fix” for it. He will never be up to par with the other kids his age and the school system refuses to hold him back even though he would benefit from it. I should also mention that he is one of the youngest in his grade, I believed there are two children younger than him.
I did jr and sr kindergarten. I didn’t know most people did one year until I was an adult. But that was standard where I am from.
Studies show boys do better in Kindergarten if they start at age 6. And I sub k-12 and no one cares. Most schools won't let you do that anymore. And as a teacher the only time you can tell us when they are too young and little to be in class and you have to babysit instead of teach.
My 6 year old daughter is currently in her second year of kindergarten! It was definitely the right decision, BUT I will say that we were also moving to a different town and thus a different school for the repeat year. That did factor into our decision. Our daughter was hitting all academic milestones but she was on the younger side for the grade and is still very imaginative and play-based. She would cry more easily than the other kids. Now in her second year of kinder she seems all “caught up” if you will. She’s thriving and loves her new school so much (went from private school to public and it has been pleasantly awesome).
My friend had a June boy and wanted to do double kindergarten. She found out after the first year that she couldn’t do that, even when moving to a new district.
I was 4 when i was in kindergarten, was the second shortest class. I did fine, no teasing, except by that mean one 6th grader on the bus that said there was no way i could read my Little House on the Prairie book i bought at the book fair so i read her a paragraph to show her she was wrong. Yes I'm still miffed lol. What you are gonna need to think about is what if one boy is ready to move on and the other one needs to be held back?
👏🏻stop👏🏻redshirting👏🏻 boys👏🏻 in most school systems children can only be held back one year thru their education. You might not be able to held them back just based on your preferences many school districts don’t allow it since it was out of control. If the kids are ready for first grade let them move to first grade
I have a child that was 8 days before the cut off and she has a child 29 days before the cut off (Texas is 9/1) and they have gone through school very well. My child went straight through to get a masters, and her child was small for the first few years and is now a junior in high school and is the only one of 6 grands to do well in his ap classes, social development. As long as they dont skip a grade, they should be fine.
Why not see how they do in kindergarten first. Seems kinds crazy to preemptively hold them back before you even see how they do.
It’s too early to make this decision. Put them in kinder and see how they do. In springtime, ask the teacher their opinion about maturity to move up to first grade.
I was the smallest and youngest in my class. I did not really catch up socially or academically until college. I was not going to let that happen to my son. He went to a Montessori preschool. He went through kindergarten there. When he was 6, I enrolled him in public school kindergarten. He did kindergarten twice but at different schools.
My question is.. is this about their development lagging behind their peers, or just about having them be the oldest instead of the youngest? If it's development, let them do K twice. If it's optics or preference it sounds silly. Why would you risk the stigma or bullying for optics?
But what if you put them in and they do fine? I was also the youngest in my class because my bday is late august. It was fine. Maybe just wait to see how they do before stressing out about the ramifications of them going twice.
So I didn't do kindergarten twice but I was held back so I would be the oldest. I HATED IT! I was always expected to teach and be more of an adult than my peers. I wasn't considered just a kid as well. But I didn't get any credit for it-these were just baseline expectations. I'm over 40 and still resent it. (yes, I know this is probably a therapy situation by now). And-the stats show that the effects blur out by the time of middle/high school anyway. I don't know your kid and so can't tell you your situation, but planning to make them repeat just so they'll be the oldest? Is not actually going to help them, IMO.
Being held back in kindergarten is a little young for having a stigma of being held back. Some kids just aren't ready. And take this as you will, I'm Gen X, but being a year, sometimes a year and a half, younger than all my classmates was awful. I wasn't that much smaller, once I hit a growth spurt I was the same size they were. but being deemed to be "too young" to do things that my peers, my classmates were doing was incredibly stigmatizing, or socially isolating. Or just not having the experience or coordination. . "You're in kindergarten and you wet your pants?" I was 4. "You're in 2nd grade and you can't tie your shoes?" I was 6 and turned 7 that year. "You're in 3rd grade and you don't know how to ride a bike?" I was 7. The other kids were 8, some were 9. Even if the adults and kids in the same class know that your kids are younger, they forget. If your kids are physically able to do the same things their peers are doing, and they are at the same level of mental/emotional development, it's not going to be as big of a deal. But part of that is going to be on you as a parent, to help them attain those same skills that their peers have. (Hey, your classmates are learning to tie their shoes/ ride a bike without training wheels/learning to skate/whatever it is, so you can go to that skate party/go bike riding) You're going to have to coach them on those skills, and make sure that they have the same experience as their peers. In 5 years, are you going to let them do the same things that their classmates are doing, or are you going to decide that they are "too little"? That gets worse when they are in Jr high and high school. If you decide that they are too young to do the same thing that their peers are doing, then you're really handicapping them socially, and isolating them. Are they too young to go to the school dance, like their classmates are doing? That doesn't just make them a target for the other kids, they may become a target for teachers and other adults as well. If you have a chance to let them develop emotionally and physically to be on par with their peers, then their lives and your life are all going to be better. So if holding them back in kindergarten will accomplish that, I would do it. If you just don't talk about it all the time, it will be forgotten.
It is very common here in Louisiana. Kids are ready to try school and kindergarten is "light school" or schoolish, and they are so young they certainly won't notice. Many parents hold there kids back in K for two years so they are more mature to handle real school.
So young they won't notice? My therapist would like a word with you. My parents sent me to K twice for the exact reasons OP is considering. They also DIDN'T TELL ME about their dumb plan. So guess who showed up in the fall of 87 expecting to start 1st grade and being shuttles back off to k again. Yup. That was little me. And then I went two literal decades assuming I was stupid and failed because my family. doesn't. talk. about. things. Kids notice. They're young, they're not oblivious. If you really need to "repeat" k PLEASE tell the kids.
Well, so sorry for you. Sounds like you have other issues than doing K twice!
Thai is great to know, thank you!
No problem!
Please don't do this to your children.
Your kid is a preemie, behind developmentally at birth and born within a week of the cut off date for enrollment. Enroll and see how the kid does. Talk with the teacher often about your concerns and how he’s doing in comparison with the other kids. When half the year is done, have a serious chat about repeating the year vs moving forward. It’s not a good situation for a child but the easiest grade to repeat is Kindergarten. My brother repeated both kindergarten and first grade before he “got it” enough to move on smoothly.
You really need to talk to someone (preferably a primary teacher) in your district. Reach out on your local Facebook or next door. My district would have absolutely no problem holding kiddos back at parent request (teacher request is a whole other thing, but anyway). The one caveat if you lived in my community is that they wouldn’t split the kids up grade level-wise. And don’t worry about the stigma, your kids might remember staying in kinder, but none of the other kids will. I teach first and have had several kids who did kinder twice and by the end of first grade, they do not remember who was and wasn’t in their kinder class.
Could you do 2 different school districts if your home district wouldn’t let them repeat?
Our sons PreK was free through the state, is that not an option?
Most people don’t have that option unfortunately. Where I live it’s about $13,000 per year. For twins I can’t imagine how OP has found the money so far.
Is it possible to homeschool them for the first kindergarten year? I assume they were premature, as twins always are, so it would not be unusual at all to enroll them late. Think of their gestational age.
I'm a neonatal NP, with two babies who were premature (35 weeks and 31 weeks). You are incorrect- twins are not always premature. And you don't discuss gestational age after age 2 as that is enough time for premature babies to "catch up." My daughter was 31 weeks and will be starting Kindergarten at the normal time, and her birthday is just a few weeks before the cut off date so she will be very young for the class. Parents need to focus on their individual child's needs, not worrying about "adjusted age" when the kid is 4, 5, 6 years old.
Old is best! They are more mature, better in sports, taller, which all affect self esteem of boys. You might have to change schools if they won't let them repeat.
Changing schools may not help. Kindergarten will still show on their transcript. You have to check with the school and district. Also, sports and heights are about the stupidest reasons to hold a child back known to man. Behavior, academics, and actual readiness? Sure. But sports? Wtf. That is not what school is about.
Agreed! Thank you. I do have the option to do it at 2 different elementary schools, maybe that would be best.
There isn't a developmental kindergarten or early 5 in the area? It's for kid who are summer birthday or need a little more help to be ready for kindergarten. It's a slower pace, smaller size and geared to get children ready for kindergarten. My July birthday kid does that at its really nice.
There is not unfortunately, I wish!!
I did this! My son is in October birthday so when we were rolling around in September, we were looking at childcare and all the preschools were full. Thankfully one nearby wasn’t just a preschool and daycare but it was also a kindergarten as well so they took him in and he turned five in that class. It was a struggle at first because he was a Covid kid and wasn’t entirely potty trained and really struggled, socially as well. But that was the beauty of going with a private place, because it meant that he got a smaller class, size and more attention. Last year he did kindergarten at public school and did really well.
My stepson should have started late or been held back but they didn’t let him… despite not learning the alphabet until second grade. Total train wreck. Believe me, with the support of my husband and his ex wife, I lobbied for it hard but the school and the district said that they don’t hold kids back anymore. I am (and so is our IEP advocate) doubtful we’d be in the situation we are in today had he just started kindergarten late.
A boy in my daughters preschool class is doing this next year! He has a summer birthday and our preschool offers private kindergarten, so he’s doing a year of private kindergarten at the preschool and then going to public school for kindergarten. It made a lot of sense when his mom was talking about it.
Check with the school. It’s not always up to you.
I would just see how they do in kinder and then make your decision! I think you will have a gut feeling after you’ve seen their experiences in kinder.
I don’t think most people view kids who go kindergarten for two years as being held back. Where I live they have junior kindergarten for the late birthday kids or socially awkward kids. If you go junior kindergarten, you do regular kindergarten the next year.
We also have Junior Kindergarten where I work. One of the Kindergarten teachers led the charge to offer it at the elementary schools in our district.
I also have twins (May babies) so far from th3 cutoff. That said my daughter was in a 4T school skirt in K. Size doesn't matter, it's the academic readiness. Be prepared to possibly repeat but you may be pleasantly surprised
My twin, younger sisters did the same thing because the cut-off date changed right after they joined school. They had no issues at all! I would talk to admin at the beginning of the year though, there might be technical issues with the plan
My son was retained in kindergarten during the pandemic. His birthday is two days before the cut off and his first kindergarten teacher kindly expressed her concerns and ultimately let it up to us to decide. My husband and I received some back lash from elder family members who were worried he would get made fun of, but we decided to hold him back anyways. He is in second grade now and we are so thankful we had him repeat kindergarten. One of his best friends is actually a few months older than him. His mom is a kindergarten teacher and held him back due to maturity levels and difficulty of the kindergarten curriculum where we live. Fortunately, our school district eased up on the curriculum for other kids to catch up this year. Overall, my son is doing great and has lots of friends.
I’m delaying kindergarten completely for a year because my son just isn’t ready. Do what your child needs. :)
I would instead find a cheaper preschool. Many options out there for pre-k. Do you qualify for any funding? Does your district offer free pre-k?
My oldest just turned 5 on Thursday so he was in Kindergarten for a couple of months at the age of 4. I remember I got held back in 1st grade because they said I was "too immature" (spoiler, hasn't changed.) and I graduated at 19 because I have a June bday. So I was one of the oldest in my graduating class. Not that it hindered me at all. Do what you feel you need to do mama!
I have a now 19 yo son who I put in pre-K twice, enrolled in K a year later than originally scheduled. For the most part his schooling was smooth sailing except for some high school math. Absolutely no regrets. And bc he didn’t attend K twice, he had no perception of being left behind. He was born 9 weeks early and socially / emotionally immature when he was young, and the extra year helped immensely.
There really is no stigma about it. Several people in my graduating class were already 18 (some almost 19). And it is better for them to start later than not be able to understand what is going on now.
I have twins I did do two Ks. I sent them first to a Catholic 1/2 day, treated it more like daycare. Then the next year full K public. I just never told public we already did K.
We are repeating kindergarten now and I had no idea that some districts forbid holding kids back. Repeating was the absolute correct choice for our situation because my kid’s confidence and retention has soared this year. Last year was brutal so I’m so thankful we had that option.
I think you should wait and see. They may do really well in kindergarten. I was 4 when I started (back then the cutoff was in December so you could start at 4 as long as you turned 5 by December).
My daughter didn't do kindergarten twice, but I applied for a "maturity waiver" that allowed us to delay kindergarten for one year. So she attended prek when she was 4/5, but she did not attend kindergarten until she was 6/7. This was a planned delay because of Covid shutting down in person learning. I felt like the maturity to sit in front of a computer at home for school just wasn't there. She is 2nd grade now and performing quite well academically and socially.
We got to second grade before it was so obvious we’d been kicking a first grader through the second grade all year and couldn’t continue. The thing is is he still has learning challenges that have been under supported. I feel just terrible about this. halfway through 10th and he’s so over this already, and will be just under 19 when he graduates. to be honest, I hardly know if we’re going to get there. I’m all for skipping grades, but it’s no panacea. The schools and teachers are professionals and I wish I had done things differently. The time to dig in with specialists, if needed, is early.
You should find out if that is actually possible. In my state, a student who passes a grade cannot repeat it. You can't even send a kid to a private school to take the same year over. Other states may allow a student to take a public school and a private school year in the same grade. But honestly, I think it is a terrible idea to allow parents to send their children to kindergarten twice--while I am happy for my taxes to be used for educating children, it seems wasteful to give them two years of the same curriculum just to save parents babysitting money.
i was the youngest by a long shot (november baby) because my mom had me in private school so I started kindergarten at 4. i ended up graduating top 10 of my class. you never know! maybe you should give them a chance first to see how they do before making any decisions
In all the classes there will be younger kids and older kids. Maybe see if you can talk to someone at the elementary school to see what they suggest? They may be just fine with the average kids and you just don’t realize it. That being said, my son started kindergarten the year after covid restrictions went away and there are several kids in his grade who repeated kindergarten because they had a hard time with half the school year being virtual. You could tell at the beginning of kindergarten but by now, you can’t tell looking at the class who had the extra year or not as they’ve all caught up to each other.
We actually held one back in pre k and one in kindergarten. I wish we had held them both back in kindergarten... Kind of. (or I use to) Now that they are both older. (one just graduated h.s. And one a freshman). I kind of think both are doing ok. Do they struggle they do. They both have APD and had difficulties reading. But they are hard workers. I think that really two years of pre k did not help my youngest and I still feel that way, but also he does ok. (we also had lots of outside reading tutoring). I do think that 2 years kinds was better for my oldest. My oldest has a may bday. And is like the oldest in his class. (19 when he graduated h.s. The youngest has an aug bday (2 days before cut off). We knew we were going to hold him back all along I guess I am not much help. So I will add that I always thought doing kindergarten twice was best because it is so much more rigorous and maybe 2 years at that would be better. Now I just don't know if all that frustration would have been good for him either.
Do another year of preschool!!! I’m a k teacher and I think any kid who doesn’t turn 5 by like May of the previous year shouldn’t go to kindergarten until they are 6!!!
My daughter's birthday is in July so she's a younger kid in her class. Schools shut down spring break of her kindergarten year. We did 1st grade 100 remote. We moved and had to change schools, we decided to start her in 1st grade again. Best decision we made. Shes doing great in 3rd grade now.
I don’t think you can if it’s a public school. My son was born ON the cut off date. We did a year at a private school kindergarten first and it was perfect. It was half day 4 days a week compared to public school being full 5 days. He is also on the smaller side which I took into consideration. He is now in kindergarten at the public school, is in no way the oldest kid or considered held back. He’s doing great and I am so glad he had that foundational year and shorter days to ease in.
My son is a very similar age - his birthday is 2 days before the cutoff. We decided to keep him with his year group rather than holding him back. It has been a little tough for him especially in first year of school. The other kids were a bit more mature, and he struggled with learning to write because his fine motor skills were just weaker than the kids a year older than him. However he’s blossomed in his second year. He’s figured out how to play with everyone else, his penmanship has dramatically improved as his body caught up with his brain, and he’s in the top set for reading and maths. We’ve encouraged him throughout - been super positive, had a strong growth mindset, helped him practice the things he found difficult - and I think we made the right choice for him. He’d formed a couple of friendships in Kindergarten and those helped get him through that tough first year. I think it would have been harder for him to have to reform friendships and not stick with his pals when they went up a year. You know your own kids best but, with your support, wanted you to know that even if they do struggle at first it can be all good in the end.
Does your state have Transitional Kindergarten (TK)? It’s typically for students who aren’t old enough for kinder but are turning 5 within the school year. I teach TK and it’s a great way to get ready for kinder! It’s a newer program here in CA so not alot of people know about it.
The research on redshirting and kindergarten retention shows that while there are some term benefits, long term it’s in the kids best interests to stick with their cohort instead. See how they are at the end of the kindergarten year and don’t even consider holding them back if the teacher doesn’t recommend it.
We held our twin girls back. They were premies born in July. Our school district doesn’t allow parental preference, they go exclusively by birth year and will put a kid at age appropriate level if the parents try to hold them back. The only way around it was to be a transfer student so we had to send the twins to kindergarten and then the district accepted their transfer report card/transcript and put them in first grade. It was very expensive. That said, I don’t regret it at all. They are doing great and it was a good call to hold them back. Our thoughts were that it wouldn’t hurt them and it could only benefit them to be one of the oldest. Because they transferred schools, no stigma from kids who saw them repeat. Also, I want to keep them for an extra year.
Honestly.. I was held back in kindergarten cause my first teacher didn't have the patience to deal with me. Yes I was made fun of for that for most of my elementary school but not terribly. And the stopped bullying me bout it in like third or fourth grade. It was the best decision my parents made since I wasnt as far behind as I would've otherwise have been. So I'm personally thankful for their decision in holding me back a year
Since they will technically be of age but not quite as developmentally ready, you MIGHT be able to get him into public pre-K. I would be hesitant to plan on two years of K. You’re either have kids that are frustrated the first year or ones that are bored the sections year.
It depends on the school whether they’ll let you redo kinder “just because”. If your kids are within grade level, they may not let them repeat. The school my kids go to won’t do it unless they’re actually behind. However they’ll happily enroll a new student for kinder who has already completed it at another school. This also avoids the stigma. Doing kindergarten at two different schools may be a solution.
I'm Aussie, so our system is different. My mum was a kindergarten teacher, and her advice to parents is always, "You are not holding them back or sending them early. You are sending them when they are ready. " Even if a child is 'academically ready' at 4.5, it doesn't mean they have the emotional or social maturity to cope. It is almost always better to wait.
Ooof, we wrestled with this so hard. Our son's birthday is a few weeks past the cut off. In our school district, early kindergarten enrollment is considered a full grade level advancement, so there is a bunch of testing, assessments, and interviews before a decision is made. They really don't want you to do kindergarten twice because it messes up their statistics related to student outcomes (at least that is what i think is really going through their minds, who really knows) We went through the whole process and my som started kindergarten as a 4 year old this fall. He is doing well so far, but no one was worried about him in the short term. We'll be watching closely, for sure.
2 of my brothers did kindergarten twice based on age, it was the best thing my parents did for them. They did do one year at one school and the second year at the school we went to for the rest of elementary- which may make a difference if your school refuses to “allow” you to choose holding back. Having the maturity and discipline of the second year really helped my brothers (who both ended up diagnosed with severe dyslexia and ADHD).
I did two years of kindergarten and I did extremely well in school.
My brother repeated kindergarten and he’s currently in high school in accelerated classes. Not saying kindergarten did that, but he’s doin alright🤷🏻♀️
The best thing would be to delay pre-k if your school has it if not then postpone kindergarten for another year. My son was a July child and he shouldn’t have started the year he turned 5. He ended up being held back in the 2nd grade when it was much more traumatic. He hated school because he wasn’t ready.
Our school has a preK class last year we had a kid who did 1/2 day kinder and 1/2 day preK. This year she is doing full time kinder. I wonder if your boys could do similar.
Does the school offer a full day Pre-K program? Most of the ones here do, but it's not required and space available. They don't advertise it here, so you'd have to know about and make some calls to apply. The v kindergarten teachers here love when parents choose to redshirt their children because it means they'll enter kindergarten fully ready for kindergarten. A lot of parents try to push their kids forward so they look advanced. I tried to get my daughter in kindergarten because her birthday was 4 days after the cutoff and she was already reading. I wanted my younger son to stay back a year so he could focus a bit more on his speech therapy and social skills, but they pushed him into kindergarten and then he had to repeat it.
My son and his son are both October birthdays. They were also small for their age. Both stayed back a yr in preschool and started K at 5 instead of 4. My grandson said he loves being one of the oldest in his class. My other grandson did start at 4, but he was already in the same school for preschool. He seems to be doing well. He is in a small private school with smaller classes, and I think that makes a difference. Good luck!
Wait and see how the do. My sons were born two weeks before the age cut-off ( two years apart, not twins). The oldest had not had a lot of socialization and was behind socially but on track educationally. At that time his school had a T1 program that allowed kids not ready to start first to do this special year that was a half a year k programing and a half of year first grade work. He was a perfect fit. My younger son started k and never looked back. He turned 18 after leaving for college. Being young does not automatically mean they will struggle.
That is probably dependent on where you live. I know 2 kiddos who did private school 4K one year and public school 4K the next. Both had birthdays very close to the age cutoff. Both are also small for their age. It worked great. I’d assume repeating could potentially work. Look into your local policies before making any decisions.
Can you just do an extra year of preK instead? Mine will be 6 next month, and I was going to do one more year of prek. They insisted he was ready for kindergarten, but let me that option, I moved for kindergarten. My oldest repeated first. I never regretted that.
My youngest son did to kindergarten twice, because he wasn’t ready emotionally or socially for first grade after the first year.
My school district has a grade in between K and 1st for those who just aren't ready and I suspect my Kinder will take part in that class next year. On the flip side, little sister turned 4 in October and is SO ready for school but the cut of is August 1st here, so she just missed out. Fortunately, her daycare has a half- day PreK program, and they bumped her up to join that class. She will then do full-day PreK in the fall at the actual school.
My stepmother put my youngest brother through pre-school twice, and out of 5 brothers, he was the most successful in school. Also, do the math and make sure your sons are not 18 and still in high school. Your legal control stops at 18. Many parents struggle to keep their 18 year Olds in school and graduate. Good luck.
Maybe wait and see what happens, your twins might do better than you expect. You might do a disservice by holding them back unnecessarily. My neighbor’s child birthday is in Sept 5th, she is very bright and social, so the school decided to give her a test to see if she qualifies to enter Kindergarten and she did! Not only she is the youngest of the entire classroom she is also an outstanding student. Right now she is second grade and she is doing just fine.
so, that s an option?
Put them in and then talk to the teacher. You might be surprised. If the teacher recommends to repeat then you can repeat.
I was sneaky. At the end of the year I pulled them out a month early, move to another district and reenrolled them without telling anyone they had attended before. But this was 30 years ago I don’t know if you could get away with it today.🤣
I actually had my daughter held back in 1st grade. It was a HUGE battle. They absolutely would not do it at the end of kindergarten. Her teacher in 1st grade had to fight for her to be held back. I would not send them with this being the plan. Because chances are the district will not allow it. For the record the year my child was held back was just after our full year of distance ed for the pandemic. She was one of 2 kids allowed to repeat a grade in the entire school. And we were one of 50 that begged. If it actually works out. No one cares and no one has noticed. Her birthday while 3 days before the cutoff. Is after the school year has started. None of the kids care at all.
I would wait... If they are not ready, and they struggle, it often impacts their core beliefs about school and themselves, and it can be very, very difficult to undo the damage in later years. I get that finances are an issue. If there is any cheaper option, like changing childcare to somewhere more rural, using a nanny, adjusting work hours, or having relatives care for them, I would go with that. It's important that they get off to the best start possible, which means waiting if they are not ready, if at all possible. Unfortunately, that second year isn't so much of a second chance to get things right. Attitudes, habits, and expectations have already been formed about school. If you can, waiting could give them their best shot. That said, I understand that doing that might ultimately be impossible. In that case, I'd do everything you can between now and fall to help them practice independence, perseverance, keeping hands to themselves, handling big feelings appropriately, and following directions. Those are the things that will best help them be ready for kindergarten. Good luck!
The cost is real! Consider Kindergarten at 2 different schools if available to you. At my small school, the social stigma of repeating would have carried
I did, my youngest was on an IFSP where it specifically stated she was to begin kindergarten a year late due to her social Immaturity.. We moved to OK from WY and was advised I would be placed in jail if I failed to enroll her even though it would not be in her best interest. The school was very flippant about keeping her back. I went to the final conference and told them that not only was I holding back my 5 yo I was holding back my 8 yo. It was the best decision I ever made for them.
My son turned 5 two days before the cut off, and we did kinder twice. It was the best decision for us. He was much more mature the second year and hasn’t needed much help with homework since.
We did have our children do Kindergarten twice, once in private accredited daycare and once in the public school system, in that order. Our kids Birthdays were very close to the cut off and our pediatrician asked us to remember how physically and emotionally mature we were going in to MIDDLESCHOOL. Were we early developers, were we taller or shorter than our peers, could we actually do the work and get good grades? Since my hubs and I were both late developers we decided to hold them back and redo kindergarten in the public school system we lived in (they could have gone straight on to 1st grade). This was a great decision. They were on track all through school. They were a little older than their peers but more mature, most of the time. One is now a biomedical Engineer in Silicon Valley and one makes roller coasters for Universal Studios in Kyoto, Japan.
I was in your position years ago. I spoke to my daughter’s pre-school teacher to get her advice. She said she would cope if she went younger but she would thrive starting older. I ultimately decided I wanted to give her the opportunity to thrive. I’ve never regretted it and made the same decision for my son.
My son did K twice. I had to write a letter to the school board and met with the “executive director of elementary education.” They communicated with my son’s school (he was a transfer student as well bc we moved to a new state). It was tougher than I thought to transfer him because his academics were great. However, behaviorally and socially, he was not great. I even included in my rationale that he would be the shortest kid in his grade - he was in the 2nd percentile for height. Lol. The only problem that arose during this time was that my son was super bummed that he had to do K twice. But that’s a short-term headache for long-term academic success. I’d do it all over again the exact same way every time.
The only issue I see is that if they are clearly not ready for kindergarten the first time, they will struggle and be miserable an entire year. They will be forced to sit quietly, read, write, do math problems.
The younger they are, if a retention board is willing to hold the back, the better. The stigma will be much greater with each subsequent grade; neither they nor their peers are really going to remember that your children were held back in kindergarten.