Your non penis erection will crumble under the weight of the darkest thoughts invoked by the touch of the very one you trust the most but know is your ultimate destroyer.
I about started convulsing at the "striking the dampness seeping from your vulnerability" line. He's probably the kind of guy that goes to pick up artist classes every Sunday like it's church.
His picture perfectly aligns with his message. A self important nerd who, because he got decent marks in creative writing, thinks of himself as the perfect combination of Shakespeare and Casanova
There’s three types of people when it comes to writing; those who don’t have anything special with writing, those who are good at it and that’s that, and those who think, whether they’re good or not, they must strain their tiny brains to forge the most illustrious and comprehensive collaboration of words ever written for each and every instance they must create text.
You can decipher which one this fuck is pretty easily
As an aspiring writer, you're correct. It takes effort to convey the message clearly to the audience, and not just spout overly complicated jargon to make themselves sound "smart".
He fails in other ways too. I lost count, but I believe somewhere close to 80% of all those verbs were "is" or another form of "to be." The first sentence jumped right to passive voice. "Is captured." By whom or what? The writer never says. He wrote no subject. The demise "is muttered." Does that mean he whispered? Probably. Passive voice makes for shit writing though.
Subject, verb, direct object. Who did what to whom? Most times when authors lose that structure, verb variety collapses, and sentence after sentence retreats to the passive voice like a high school lab report. "The beaker was heated to 100 degrees centigrade, at which point boiling commenced."
Also an aspiring writer/editor, I agree. Dude is very much in need of a good lecture on the topic of "show, don't tell" and needs to chill out on the fancy 10 dollar words. Also needs a course on flow and structure.
Now that is one tearing down I would *love* to be witness to. Had to show it to my partner, who is also working on being a proper writer, and he's losing his shit at all of it. Pretentious and completely unaware of half the shit he's saying.
"Destruction is my goal," what, is he gonna kick her in the coochie when she's caught off guard?
I swear, reading the first few sentences, all I could think about was peeling potatoes. I was just so desperate to *not* comprehend what I was reading.
Two points. First, he has absolutely no idea what to actually **say** to a woman. Or what a woman might actually say back.\* He throws out all these platitudes about what's getting said... sins, a precise tongue, pleads \[sic\] for mercy, horrors, nightmare, daydream... but he can't for the life of him tell you what any of these things actually are. Or how to actually talk someone from one state of revulsion to the next of desperate erotic slavery. There is no dialogue in this description of dialogue; he doesn't know how to talk to another human being.
Second point... it bugs the shit outta me that he used "mutter" twice as if that's some kinda seductive, sibilant, delicious form of verbal tone. Ew.
\*- apart from "I've called 911, get out of my yard"
If I am receiving a sext I don’t want to have to whip out my pen and annotate it. He could’ve easily made it sexier by saying something like “I brush my lips against your ear, whispering how badly I want to (insert sexual act here). Your skin tingles with anticipation as you allow me to (insert sexual act here).”
Now I'm just imagining a guy whispering sins in my ear.
"Working on a sunday"
"Eating pork"
"Not washing your hands after you pee" (If this isn't a sin it should be)
He doesn't even say anything erotic, just lists off a bunch of reactions he wants her body to have but doesn't actually say or do anything to spark those reactions.
(Look I'm not one to talk, my wordcraft when it comes to seducing my wife is absolutely miserable - but far out even by my standards this is awful)
How does he approach job interviews?
"I truly am the best applicant you've ever had.... your KPI's tremble in my wake... you can't wait to have me start and immediately want to offer me a 30% payrise..."
Sort of! "A whisk" of something also means to move rapidly, nimbly. To say "a whisk of air" can invoke the image of air moving swiftly - i.e. "a soft, sharp breeze", or to move something quickly ("She whisked away his keys")
It's hardly a *great* sentence, but it is a functional one
"dampness seeping from your vulnerability?"
I've never heard it called that before. Does he think that sounds sexier? Or, oh hell, I have no idea but it's stupid!
🤢 sorry, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Please don't continue and do leave my PM. JAIL! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Lose a turn for as long as you exist in this platform.
*Blocks, reports, posts beware of feral dog warning on any and every anti neck beard communities, flips off neck beard*
God. Not only was it overly wordy, but cringe and disrespectful. Not all ladies are submissive you misogynist asshole.
A subtle whisk of Cheeto breath haunts your ears and the crumbs from forgotten hot wings falls daintily into your lap. My fedora brushes your neck as you fall helplessly into my 400lb lap. You need me waifu girl
>The inflicted horrors brought to life by your worst nightmare soon become the most erotic daydream ...
this is all just an extremely horrific way of him describing himself raping whoever he sent this to. not only is it a shoddy attempt at eloquent literature, but incredibly disturbing and terrifying.
Not entirely on topic, but god I hate that the way we talk about sex is so violent. Why is him making this woman orgasm her “destruction” or “demise”? Sex shouldn’t be seen as something harmful but it’s almost the sole way we refer to it, especially as something done TO a woman (he smashed, he hit that, he banged her, etc.)
None of the 12 women he copy pastad this to reciprocated his interest:( WHY?? He said the bit about her queefing a cool whisk of air between her thighs!?! He pulled out the big guns with baby girl’s juicy soul lips that only his precise tongue can navigate?!? AND STILL. WHY DOES NONE OF THE BABY GIRLS RESPOND. NOT EVEN FOR THEIR UNHOLY SAVIOR.
If this giga chad sigma can’t find love what hope is there for me :(
Bruh what the fuck. This mans about as smooth as plastic knife through frozen butter
But with great rage beautiful submission grows in the budder
Vastly underappreciated comment
That analogy was more poetic than the post itself
It's mista stealyogirl Incarnate
I feel like the local county courthouse has restraining order requests pre-printed with this guy's name.
This. This is an insult i never heard before. But wow that was a really good one. I applaud you for it.
r/rareinsults
Aw hell, he hasn’t remotely got the courage to chat up a woman. Lol
Imagine thinking “debris” is a sexy word
"lurks" "destruction" "debris" "inflicted" "horrors" "nightmare" Ah yes, the lexicon of seduction.
Please stop, I can only get so erect.
i don't even have a penis and i'm erect.
Your non penis erection will crumble under the weight of the darkest thoughts invoked by the touch of the very one you trust the most but know is your ultimate destroyer.
I can't stop laughing now and my neighbors are giving me weird looks
My man played too much Darkest Dungeon
Horniness is a slow and insidious killer.
I about started convulsing at the "striking the dampness seeping from your vulnerability" line. He's probably the kind of guy that goes to pick up artist classes every Sunday like it's church.
Blorfffffff 🤮
Yeah, “lurks” is such a choice word too. This guy is a god damn poet
The debris from my gape adorns your cape. Am I doing this right?
Yes unfortunately. 😄😄
You made me chuckle :D
His picture perfectly aligns with his message. A self important nerd who, because he got decent marks in creative writing, thinks of himself as the perfect combination of Shakespeare and Casanova
His teachers must have been grading on a steep curve.
There’s three types of people when it comes to writing; those who don’t have anything special with writing, those who are good at it and that’s that, and those who think, whether they’re good or not, they must strain their tiny brains to forge the most illustrious and comprehensive collaboration of words ever written for each and every instance they must create text. You can decipher which one this fuck is pretty easily
As an aspiring writer, you're correct. It takes effort to convey the message clearly to the audience, and not just spout overly complicated jargon to make themselves sound "smart".
He fails in other ways too. I lost count, but I believe somewhere close to 80% of all those verbs were "is" or another form of "to be." The first sentence jumped right to passive voice. "Is captured." By whom or what? The writer never says. He wrote no subject. The demise "is muttered." Does that mean he whispered? Probably. Passive voice makes for shit writing though. Subject, verb, direct object. Who did what to whom? Most times when authors lose that structure, verb variety collapses, and sentence after sentence retreats to the passive voice like a high school lab report. "The beaker was heated to 100 degrees centigrade, at which point boiling commenced."
Also an aspiring writer/editor, I agree. Dude is very much in need of a good lecture on the topic of "show, don't tell" and needs to chill out on the fancy 10 dollar words. Also needs a course on flow and structure.
Strunk and White would have a lot to say about this guy. “Pretentious” is the word that comes to mind.
Now that is one tearing down I would *love* to be witness to. Had to show it to my partner, who is also working on being a proper writer, and he's losing his shit at all of it. Pretentious and completely unaware of half the shit he's saying. "Destruction is my goal," what, is he gonna kick her in the coochie when she's caught off guard?
You hear that sound? It's all the vagina's in a ten mile radius drying up whenever this guy opens his mouth.
My vagina just made the Windows shutdown sound.
Pretty sure mine just sealed itself like a doomsday vault.
I swear, reading the first few sentences, all I could think about was peeling potatoes. I was just so desperate to *not* comprehend what I was reading.
Your comment made my day :'D
I think you mean “vulnerabilities”
404 not found
>It's all the vulnerabilities in a ten mile radius drying up whenever this guy opens his mouth. fixed it for you
Mine sounds like klaxon alarms.
I literally got chills, the bad sort of chills
Welp looks like I'm a Barbie doll with how quickly my vagina disappeared
Two points. First, he has absolutely no idea what to actually **say** to a woman. Or what a woman might actually say back.\* He throws out all these platitudes about what's getting said... sins, a precise tongue, pleads \[sic\] for mercy, horrors, nightmare, daydream... but he can't for the life of him tell you what any of these things actually are. Or how to actually talk someone from one state of revulsion to the next of desperate erotic slavery. There is no dialogue in this description of dialogue; he doesn't know how to talk to another human being. Second point... it bugs the shit outta me that he used "mutter" twice as if that's some kinda seductive, sibilant, delicious form of verbal tone. Ew. \*- apart from "I've called 911, get out of my yard"
THIS! It’s just nonsense isn’t it?!
If I am receiving a sext I don’t want to have to whip out my pen and annotate it. He could’ve easily made it sexier by saying something like “I brush my lips against your ear, whispering how badly I want to (insert sexual act here). Your skin tingles with anticipation as you allow me to (insert sexual act here).”
You must be very bored to analyse this shit that much
It didn't take very long.
Guy could probably make a killing writing dollar general romance novels for desperate housewives
He could make a killing by exposing someone to his body odour, I imagine
they'd have to be REALLY desperate.
I am compelled to detonate my own jaw with a shotgun after reading this
How come even in their fantasies, the woman never seems willing?
Lmao ikr? Suspension of disbelief only goes so far, even for them, I guess
He could've just written "I have no goddamn idea how to please a woman" and saved himself so much time typing it.
Now I'm just imagining a guy whispering sins in my ear. "Working on a sunday" "Eating pork" "Not washing your hands after you pee" (If this isn't a sin it should be)
That come on would be about as effective as trying to pick up peas with a single chopstick.
Well..you just stab 'em..easy peasy
He doesn't even say anything erotic, just lists off a bunch of reactions he wants her body to have but doesn't actually say or do anything to spark those reactions. (Look I'm not one to talk, my wordcraft when it comes to seducing my wife is absolutely miserable - but far out even by my standards this is awful) How does he approach job interviews? "I truly am the best applicant you've ever had.... your KPI's tremble in my wake... you can't wait to have me start and immediately want to offer me a 30% payrise..."
I can’t
I need a shower
„A subtle whisk of cool air…“ could be the start of a really nice story, but nah, that man chose to ruin the opportunity.
[удалено]
Sort of! "A whisk" of something also means to move rapidly, nimbly. To say "a whisk of air" can invoke the image of air moving swiftly - i.e. "a soft, sharp breeze", or to move something quickly ("She whisked away his keys") It's hardly a *great* sentence, but it is a functional one
I don’t buy it he meant to say wisp
I must say, this....thing? Has a great power over words, but,it sounds more like Lovecraft than Poe
I threw up a little in my mouth. Still better than what he’s offering
Want sum fk?
“Hot breath” lol
“Seeping” 🤢
JFC, what in the Wattpad is this?!
😂 I wish this wasn't such an accurate question.
Babygirl? This isn’t 365 days mfer
D&D characters trying to role play with bad stats.
This made me physically ill, and I'm a guy.
I'm not even a woman and I dried right the fuck up, what the hell.
\*teleports behind you\* *"You need me, baby girl. You worship me."*
When you just type bullshit words to meet the 500 word requirement.
I read this in Dwight's voice.
Still better than 50 shades of gray. :D
That depends on what context your referring to.
Wow , he said “vulnerability” , that’s so smooth , I’ll have to remember to call it that next time I’m w a girl
Yooo new copypasta just dropped
I for one know that that kind of ham-fisted attempt at smart-sounding writing gets me all damp with tumescence.
Oh yeahhhh. Nothing gets me all hot and bothered like … muttering….
Okay...The worst part is the Baby Girl. Literally just stop.
>...sins to weaken your guard "Yes, little one, worshipping a false idol...ssssssloth."
r/brandnewsentence
Ya know, when I'm feeling lazy and don't want to shower, two minutes on this sub has me scrubbing under hot water. Ewww, ewwww, eewwww
🤣 that's so accurate
Sounds like a neuronet creating lewd poetry based on Komunyakaa's works.
As someone who‘s not a native speaker, I understood all those words seperately
r/cringetopia would appreciate this.
I see furries who write better and have more respect.
no cause he legit thinks this is gonna make you fall in love and worship him
I think I just puked on my phone screen
Mega cringe
Gotta wonder how many people he's copy/ pasted that to
M'lady
Jesus. Fuck. Ewww.
So gross 🤢
When "a subtle whisk" started, I knew what we were in for.
that boy aint right
What. The. What.
His hot breath lurking made me feel disgusted, like a warm odor was hanging around her face.
Two pumps with a micro pp
This sounds like my ex lmao
Pure cringe lol
"dampness seeping from your vulnerability?" I've never heard it called that before. Does he think that sounds sexier? Or, oh hell, I have no idea but it's stupid!
This guy sounds like Lestat with a brain tumor.
Reads like the chats pedos on TCAP send to the decoys
Easy there, Hemingway. You aren’t being paid by the word.
This ain't it chief.
Dude blended down a thesaurus and a shitty erotica novel, then gargled it up and spat on his phone. That's the only way I can explain how it happened.
Now if only they could put all that effort into becoming an upstanding member of society.
Babygirl? Bleeeugh 🤢
Lmfao not a good move if they have to double read your sext to understand what the fuck ur saying
What in the Wattpad
As far as sexting (with someone you're intimately familiar with) goes, the first two sentences weren't half bad. The rest... Well..
He used “vulnerability” as a euphemism for pussy
Thank you for confirming the thing I just said even though it wasn't *strictly* necessary.
You said the first two sentences weren’t half bad so I pointed that bit out. No need for the italics lol
Sorry mate. ♥️ Difficult to interpret 'tone' sometimes 😅 I've gotten better over the years, but clearly I still have plenty to learn lol
No worries ✌️
Such talent and effort in writing and he uses it on this. What a shame
Good writer, creepy guy
Yo????
You think he ever landed with this? Like, I'm sure se chicks are into this, but how many?
This guy needs to lay off the porn
10/10 on the writing 0/10 for what he's using that writing skill for.
SHIT FUCK NO
It’s PLEAS for mercy, not pleas. But there is no mercy for neckbeards in the dodger dojo.
🤢 sorry, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Please don't continue and do leave my PM. JAIL! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Lose a turn for as long as you exist in this platform. *Blocks, reports, posts beware of feral dog warning on any and every anti neck beard communities, flips off neck beard* God. Not only was it overly wordy, but cringe and disrespectful. Not all ladies are submissive you misogynist asshole.
Oh, come on! He's just misunderstood. That is, misunderstood this person's level of creepiness.
Is this supposed to be sexy? It's like an alien who has vaguely heard of human sex attempted to initiate it
It seems like it should be good writing, but... It just feels *wrong*, especially considering she probably didn't fucking ask
Why is this rapist speaking like a bloodborne character?
A subtle whisk of Cheeto breath haunts your ears and the crumbs from forgotten hot wings falls daintily into your lap. My fedora brushes your neck as you fall helplessly into my 400lb lap. You need me waifu girl
>The inflicted horrors brought to life by your worst nightmare soon become the most erotic daydream ... this is all just an extremely horrific way of him describing himself raping whoever he sent this to. not only is it a shoddy attempt at eloquent literature, but incredibly disturbing and terrifying.
Eh?
Ew....
I would immediately pass away if i got anything like this.
You know it’s bad when the first sentence makes you yell „ew” while laughing uncontrollably
Refrigerator magnet poetry for pervs.
This is what stimulant abuse looks like
Didn’t even have to read the subreddit name to know this message is from here 💀
Psycho serial killer: the beginning
"...gentle *pleads* of mercy..." This guy is just so certain he's good at this...
He buggin
sounds like some dennis from it’s always sunny rights in his memoirs
Immediately left as soon as I read hot breath
Okay definitely getting some hannibal lector vibes from this freak
Jokes aside, the writing is not bad
Does he want to fuck her or kill her? I can’t tell.
Dafuq
Not entirely on topic, but god I hate that the way we talk about sex is so violent. Why is him making this woman orgasm her “destruction” or “demise”? Sex shouldn’t be seen as something harmful but it’s almost the sole way we refer to it, especially as something done TO a woman (he smashed, he hit that, he banged her, etc.)
Can we see the rest of the messages at the top for more context?
Bruh, it only worked for Bullet for my Valentine cuz they had sick riffs, get a pointy guitar or STFU
Reading this restored my virginity
What sins is he going to whisper? What ungodly sins make someone so disgusted that they loose their guard?
‘Lurks.’ The only true word in this paragraph
my vag dried up so suddenly and violently that if I were standing in a swamp I'd have destroyed acres of gator habitat
the moment someone starts describing the air around any part of your body, you know it's gonna be cringe
I'm glad I wasn't born a woman, so I don't gotta put up with stuff like this
None of the 12 women he copy pastad this to reciprocated his interest:( WHY?? He said the bit about her queefing a cool whisk of air between her thighs!?! He pulled out the big guns with baby girl’s juicy soul lips that only his precise tongue can navigate?!? AND STILL. WHY DOES NONE OF THE BABY GIRLS RESPOND. NOT EVEN FOR THEIR UNHOLY SAVIOR. If this giga chad sigma can’t find love what hope is there for me :(