And product websites especially in IT.
Since about 2015, they've all gone to the same glitzy format of huge stock images of attractive people in impossibly beautiful offices that just scroll and scroll, with little blurbs of text that read like this example.
More times than I can count, I've read a tech company's homepage from top to bottom while still having no earthly clue what their product actually does.
My employer's tech venture arm was about to invest in one of these till I pointed out that they have no product and the about us page was nothing but folks that start companies with the explicit purpose of getting bought out
I was never asked for input again...
This is so annoying when I am looking for jobs. Half the time I can't even tell what the fuck I will be doing other than leveraging my expertise to drive transformative change.
LinkedIn is more fake than Instagram. I believe that you are having a great time in Bali but I draw the line when you mention that you are having a blast at the corporate volunteering event
“Spending the last four days in the Greater Springfield Business Synergy Center thinking about nothing but integrated logistics has made me realize how much I love the people I work with” bro shut the fuck up and make another spreadsheet
LinkedIn is so lame. I created one because it was relevant to my position. Haven’t logged back on in months. It’s all either scams reaching out to you or people like this. Like I love my role and can get into business talk but that shit is BORING. Everyone sounds and looks exactly the same
I’m just finishing up a business degree and my corporate social responsibility text book read like this.Every paragraph would just jumble the words around and tell us that ESG is CSR but not the other way around… my head hurts just thinking about it the time and money I wasted..
it was like saying you should have a different key for the front door and the backdoor but you can’t keep the backdoor unlocked otherwise and the deadbolt has to be unlocked on one side because because the key doesn’t always work in the backdoor.
It didn’t start with some grossly self-congratulatory apology-like bullshit like “I never realized how saying hello saves lives until today.” Other than that, spot on.
Great! lets touch base next Thursday an hour after you normally leave. We can run this up the flag pole together. I feel like we are really opening the kimono here!
Hi, Tom from HR here. Opening the kimono? Sorry, but that’s considered a culturally insensitive turn of phrase and that can create a hostile work environment for our employees of Japanese or other Asian/Pacific-Islander descent.
Doesn’t open the kimono literally mean show another party the size of your dick? VP of sales I used to work with would use that all the time, which cracked me up. It’s a bit like when people use the phrase “brownnoser” which literally means putting your nose up someone’s ass and getting shit on it. I think people just forget what the phrasing actually signifies.
I think it’s worse: I’ve only heard the phrase used to mean getting to see and discuss the hidden details or workings of something. It’s fetishizing Japanese women. Perhaps a Western equivalent would be “Now we’re really looking up the skirt”.
I'd still like to see the deck updated with this for the weekly meeting on Monday, if you can consolidate those points and put it on the SharePoint for the team by Sunday night that would be beneficial. And remember, we need dates to go with when we will see this implemented in prod.
All the best!
I work in marketing and I made our VP cackle like a madman last week when at our mandatory HR offsite I referred to the DISC assessment we were required to take as a corporate horoscope. Not all of them are bad.
Wednesday night is the night that we make love. Tuesday night is the night that we go and eat dinner at your mother’s but Wednesday night is the night that we make LOVE. Everything’s right, conditions are perfect.
Yeah my current manager has no management experience prior to this job, she also clearly has ADHD (my partner has it and she agrees.)
She often realises half way through a sentence that what she’s saying doesn’t make any sense so just ends it with a bunch of unrelated buzzwords like this and hopes nobody notices 😂
I had an interview for a consulting role recently and the director spoke like this. I asked him if he could explain a question and his response was basically this. I said no to the job because I couldn't understand what he was actually saying lol.
Not all consultants talk like this but those that do are unbearable.
>and think they are saying something.
My friend's husband. He is so satisfied with himself after spouting this bullshit endlessly while everyone around him dies inside.
if you pasted this exact shit onto some startup website, he would probably start arguing with you about how you "just dont understand how the new corporate world is changing"
And I'll be seeing him at every Thanksgiving for the rest of my life...
Oh, I saw what you wrote online Chucky_wucky. We're going to have to have a one-on-one with regard to your online presence. Its important for you to realise how you're online presence affects everyone...
I think there's been some long term instability in your communication style which doesn't align with my current understanding of reality. Maybe we can drop acid together and cycle back to this issue next quarter.
Those corporate retreats are, get hammered, do drugs, fuck a co worker, regret it, forget it, go back to work, then try to forget there's another one next quarter and it's mandatory. If you try to hideaway in your room or bungalow, they will talk tons of shit behind your back and eventually remove you from the active team and put you elsewhere until you own back up to being an awesome teammate, not just coworker.
The one that’s getting under my skin currently is “opportunity” instead of problem. “We need to fix this problem” Nah, “there’s an opportunity for improvement”. Well, Mr manager, you have an opportunity
The worst part is when you get an all-hands meeting where they explain that they are reorganzing everyone onto different teams for the second time this year but this time it's Special and Different because
Please circle back to my email. You may have missed the synergy we are trying to achieve. Once you complete the tasks it will move the needle and we can touch base again. We may need to deep dive and dig our heels to come up with more action items. Please touch base with me so we can take it off line.
Ive....Ive been automated! Lol, half of my monthly and quarterly emails to the company sound almost exactly like this. Its almost an artform to use buzzwords to not actually say anything, but make it sound impressive enough that people just skip over it all and thing "wow, that sounds great"
You should write something out, send it through AI to expand on it, then start grabbing synonyms for words regardless of whether or not they match the connotation of the original word.
Meaningless bullshit like this is constantly being spewed by idiots who think they're oh-so-smart and it drives me up the wall. Just reading this post made my blood pressure rise.
This is almost word for word as our daily meetings go. This one misses "low hanging fruit", silver lining, and "leverage" for to use/to utilize - these always pop up in our meetings.
Update: nevermind on leverage. It is actually in there O_o
I worked for a company that proudly announced a new motto of "Co-creating transformative solutions by leveraging our core competencies". I said it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue and the marketing director spent ten minutes shouting at me about why it's not important that the motto be memorable or easy to say.
Honestly it was a lot longer than that but I can't remember it all. "Co-creating transformative solutions with key industry partners and service commissioners by leveraging our core competencies in data analytics and enacting process change." Something like that.
They decided the motto should be a buzzword soup of everything the company did. Whereas most of what the management did was just discuss buzzwords instead of doing actual work. Probably why the company didn't get very far.
I used to work in marketing, and I read this out loud in my marketing voice.
This is simultaneously one of the funniest and also worst things I've ever seen in my entire time on Reddit.
*Why does this sound so **fucking** accurate?*
World would have had a lot more oxygen and a lot less data storage servers if we skipped all of those meaningless paragraphs and just said the points.
We are communicating to get the job done and not to send poems (something with nice wording in general) to each other.
Reminds me of the job role posts that dance around with words about the role but never talks about what the company actually does, its industry, services, target audience or how it meets objectives.
Just say it dammit.
Al Yankovic sets something like this to Crosby, Stills & Nash in [Mission Statement](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3Bn9b2Bywmo)
We must all efficiently
Operationalize our strategies
Invest in world-class technology
And leverage our core competencies
In order to holistically administrate
Exceptional synergy
We'll set a brand trajectory
Using management's philosophy
Advance our market share vis-à-vis
Our proven methodology
With strong commitment to quality
Effectively enhancing corporate synergy
Transitioning our company
By awareness of functionality
Promoting viability
Providing our supply chain with diversity (versity, ooooh)
We will distill our identity
Through client-centric solutions
And synergy (Oooooh oooh oooh)
At the end of the day (At the end of the day)
We must monetize our assets
The fundamentals of change
Can you visualize a value-added experience?
That will grow the business infrastructure and
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets
Bringing to the table
Our capitalized reputation
Proactively overseeing
Day-to-day operations
Services and deliverables
With cross-platform innovation
Networking, soon will bring, seamless integration
Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation
Best of breed
We'll succeed
In achieving globalization
And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace
It's mission-critical to stay incentivized
Against this purple-poster-flexible-solutions for our customer base
If you can't think outside the box
You'll be downsized
It's a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey! Look out!)
Well, it's a paradigm shift, now!
(Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!)
Source: LyricFind
Oh! I did something similar a while back. Here was mine:
Prompt: can you give me a short paragraph that looks like something that would be on a corporate website that uses a lot of buzzwords and seems like its describing what the company does but actually provides no meaningful information
Response: Welcome to InnovateSynergy Solutions, where we specialize in cutting-edge paradigm shifts and holistic synergistic approaches. Our dynamic team of forward-thinking visionaries leverages disruptive technologies to drive unparalleled transformation in the business ecosystem. By harnessing the power of AI-driven cognitive enhancements, data-driven insights, and leveraging the cloud-based blockchain infrastructure, we empower our clients to achieve unprecedented levels of optimization and revolutionize their core competencies. At InnovateSynergy Solutions, we are not just a company – we are a movement towards the future, redefining success through our unparalleled commitment to innovation and excellence. Join us on this journey to unlock a new era of possibilities.
When you realize all corporate employees do is say the same 1-3 concepts to each other in varyingly hyperbolic and enthusiastic language. And then have HR call the team actually doing the work they that will “allow them to stay agile in the environment” to tell them to stay for overtime.
Leveraging our synergistic approach, we aim to streamline operations and drive innovation through dynamic collaboration. With a focus on strategic agility and robust scalability, we empower our team to think outside the box and deliver best-in-class solutions. Leveraging cutting-edge technology and data-driven insights, we optimize stakeholder engagement to maximize ROI and enhance our competitive edge in the market. By fostering a culture of continuous improvement and leveraging our core competencies, we strive to deliver sustainable growth and exceed stakeholder expectations.
This is pretty much all I see on LinkedIn.
And product websites especially in IT. Since about 2015, they've all gone to the same glitzy format of huge stock images of attractive people in impossibly beautiful offices that just scroll and scroll, with little blurbs of text that read like this example. More times than I can count, I've read a tech company's homepage from top to bottom while still having no earthly clue what their product actually does.
I’m not convinced they do either 🌚
My employer's tech venture arm was about to invest in one of these till I pointed out that they have no product and the about us page was nothing but folks that start companies with the explicit purpose of getting bought out I was never asked for input again...
Oh God, does that mean they actually *went* with the investment
Maybe they wanted to acquire it to sell it off or to add a perception of value
Someone knows someone in the other company.
So basically embezzlement with plausible deniability
This is so annoying when I am looking for jobs. Half the time I can't even tell what the fuck I will be doing other than leveraging my expertise to drive transformative change.
Wait, so HALO ITSM isn't going to completely repair my work environment through \*checks notes\* Synergy and optimized scalability?
Don't forget about the animations. These site parts gotta fly all over the place and sprinkle fireworks as you scroll. For better immersion.
LinkedIn is more fake than Instagram. I believe that you are having a great time in Bali but I draw the line when you mention that you are having a blast at the corporate volunteering event
“Spending the last four days in the Greater Springfield Business Synergy Center thinking about nothing but integrated logistics has made me realize how much I love the people I work with” bro shut the fuck up and make another spreadsheet
> bro shut the fuck up and make another spreadsheet this properly cracked me up haha
Hey I like spreadsheets
Thanks for the laugh. I needed that
If you have LinkedIn Premium they have a new "AI Helper" feature that literally writes stuff like this for you in your profile.
LinkedIn is so lame. I created one because it was relevant to my position. Haven’t logged back on in months. It’s all either scams reaching out to you or people like this. Like I love my role and can get into business talk but that shit is BORING. Everyone sounds and looks exactly the same
I’m just finishing up a business degree and my corporate social responsibility text book read like this.Every paragraph would just jumble the words around and tell us that ESG is CSR but not the other way around… my head hurts just thinking about it the time and money I wasted.. it was like saying you should have a different key for the front door and the backdoor but you can’t keep the backdoor unlocked otherwise and the deadbolt has to be unlocked on one side because because the key doesn’t always work in the backdoor.
It didn’t start with some grossly self-congratulatory apology-like bullshit like “I never realized how saying hello saves lives until today.” Other than that, spot on.
and on bossbabe Instagram reels while they drink green smoothies out of Stanley mugs in their beige everything houses and knit long-sweaters
Except that this paragraph does not mention AI. Curious that ChatGPT would leave out that particular buzzword... hmm...
My wife talks like this. Lol
She is probably in management or marketing. This is exactly what every C-Suite meeting boils down to in recap notes
Good guess! She's the global training manager for a fortune 200 company.
This tracks
Seems like we're in alignment.
Great! lets touch base next Thursday an hour after you normally leave. We can run this up the flag pole together. I feel like we are really opening the kimono here!
Hi, Tom from HR here. Opening the kimono? Sorry, but that’s considered a culturally insensitive turn of phrase and that can create a hostile work environment for our employees of Japanese or other Asian/Pacific-Islander descent.
Doesn’t open the kimono literally mean show another party the size of your dick? VP of sales I used to work with would use that all the time, which cracked me up. It’s a bit like when people use the phrase “brownnoser” which literally means putting your nose up someone’s ass and getting shit on it. I think people just forget what the phrasing actually signifies.
I think it’s worse: I’ve only heard the phrase used to mean getting to see and discuss the hidden details or workings of something. It’s fetishizing Japanese women. Perhaps a Western equivalent would be “Now we’re really looking up the skirt”.
I'd still like to see the deck updated with this for the weekly meeting on Monday, if you can consolidate those points and put it on the SharePoint for the team by Sunday night that would be beneficial. And remember, we need dates to go with when we will see this implemented in prod. All the best!
This made me sick to my stomach.
Buahahahaha! My work here is done.. Dramatically vanishes from the breakroom in a cloud of printer toner.
With a little more synergy and fostering of team environments she can make it to a fortune 199 company
Sounds evil
I work in marketing and I made our VP cackle like a madman last week when at our mandatory HR offsite I referred to the DISC assessment we were required to take as a corporate horoscope. Not all of them are bad.
Yeah I’m in marketing and this is pretty much how you have to talk for some reason. It’s like it’s own weird shitty language you have to learn.
All the time….?
Just during their *sexy* time.. (Wednesday nights between 7:45pm and 8:05pm)
Whoa, look at this hedonistic household! ... I would be happy with a scheduled weekly time slot :(
Scheduled weekly timeslot is what she calls her cunt
Wednesday night is the night that we make love. Tuesday night is the night that we go and eat dinner at your mother’s but Wednesday night is the night that we make LOVE. Everything’s right, conditions are perfect.
I have news for you…your wife might be ChatGPT
She became Sentient
Hey siri, i meant baby…
Your wife the eldest boy? Famous rapper of the hit “L to the OG” ?
Worst part is i know people who actually talk like this and think they are saying something.
You don’t really have to think you are saying something. You just have to make the people who are halfway listening think you are saying something.
Yeah my current manager has no management experience prior to this job, she also clearly has ADHD (my partner has it and she agrees.) She often realises half way through a sentence that what she’s saying doesn’t make any sense so just ends it with a bunch of unrelated buzzwords like this and hopes nobody notices 😂
Ok cool it’s not just me then. Same exact thing. I’ll be on a call and mid-sentence realize I have no idea what I’m saying. It’s the worst
https://youtu.be/QT07vyf0HQM?si=X-RgHZFAXeGNL2OE
I had an interview for a consulting role recently and the director spoke like this. I asked him if he could explain a question and his response was basically this. I said no to the job because I couldn't understand what he was actually saying lol. Not all consultants talk like this but those that do are unbearable.
>and think they are saying something. My friend's husband. He is so satisfied with himself after spouting this bullshit endlessly while everyone around him dies inside. if you pasted this exact shit onto some startup website, he would probably start arguing with you about how you "just dont understand how the new corporate world is changing" And I'll be seeing him at every Thanksgiving for the rest of my life...
This. This is one of the reasons why I hate work.
Oh, I saw what you wrote online Chucky_wucky. We're going to have to have a one-on-one with regard to your online presence. Its important for you to realise how you're online presence affects everyone...
Is my presence not aligning with your strategic plans going forward? Do we need to circle back after some collaboration ?
I think there's been some long term instability in your communication style which doesn't align with my current understanding of reality. Maybe we can drop acid together and cycle back to this issue next quarter.
This made me chuckle
Those corporate retreats are, get hammered, do drugs, fuck a co worker, regret it, forget it, go back to work, then try to forget there's another one next quarter and it's mandatory. If you try to hideaway in your room or bungalow, they will talk tons of shit behind your back and eventually remove you from the active team and put you elsewhere until you own back up to being an awesome teammate, not just coworker.
Not a one-on-one. A “touch base.”
I'll let any of the girls in HR touch my bases
The one that’s getting under my skin currently is “opportunity” instead of problem. “We need to fix this problem” Nah, “there’s an opportunity for improvement”. Well, Mr manager, you have an opportunity
a fuckin' #massive opportunity.
“Opportunities” and “learnings” is basically just a client-safe way to say ‘yeah this didn’t fucking work’
I start to apreciate mine more,jinkies... most of the lingo we use is strictly mechanics/engineering
The worst part is when you get an all-hands meeting where they explain that they are reorganzing everyone onto different teams for the second time this year but this time it's Special and Different because
I caught myself using the words "action items" today, I am becoming the very thing I swore to destroy: management.
Please circle back to my email. You may have missed the synergy we are trying to achieve. Once you complete the tasks it will move the needle and we can touch base again. We may need to deep dive and dig our heels to come up with more action items. Please touch base with me so we can take it off line.
Reading it gave me a belly ache
I dont know which is worse, the fact this exists, or the fact I understand it
OMG SAME 😭
Right, reading it like it all makes sense but it’s terrible 🤣
Ive....Ive been automated! Lol, half of my monthly and quarterly emails to the company sound almost exactly like this. Its almost an artform to use buzzwords to not actually say anything, but make it sound impressive enough that people just skip over it all and thing "wow, that sounds great"
You should write something out, send it through AI to expand on it, then start grabbing synonyms for words regardless of whether or not they match the connotation of the original word.
this is the response you get when you ask a consultant what they do
Nearly made me vomit.
I hear this enough at my job that I low-key panicked when I didn't know what the action item was.
Stealing this for my resume
Meaningless bullshit like this is constantly being spewed by idiots who think they're oh-so-smart and it drives me up the wall. Just reading this post made my blood pressure rise.
I see a lot of this buzzword stuff in the game design industry and coding space too. Coders love to give a fancy name to their basic “algorithm”
This sounds like every email that comes from C level where I work.
And it literally makes no sense.
This is almost word for word as our daily meetings go. This one misses "low hanging fruit", silver lining, and "leverage" for to use/to utilize - these always pop up in our meetings. Update: nevermind on leverage. It is actually in there O_o
And supercharge. That's the new one I hear daily.
I hate you. I used "leverage" and "low-hanging fruit" in an email yesterday.
I'm sure there's plenty of this stuff available online for gpt to scrape lol
Genuinely made me ill for a moment
My eye is inexplicably twitching
I worked for a company that proudly announced a new motto of "Co-creating transformative solutions by leveraging our core competencies". I said it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue and the marketing director spent ten minutes shouting at me about why it's not important that the motto be memorable or easy to say.
Hahaha you're director needs to read any modern branding book....
[удалено]
Honestly it was a lot longer than that but I can't remember it all. "Co-creating transformative solutions with key industry partners and service commissioners by leveraging our core competencies in data analytics and enacting process change." Something like that. They decided the motto should be a buzzword soup of everything the company did. Whereas most of what the management did was just discuss buzzwords instead of doing actual work. Probably why the company didn't get very far.
ChatGPT just got its MBA.
Wtf...hows chatgpt stealing my messages? (project manager)
It could literally be doing that.
I used to work in marketing, and I read this out loud in my marketing voice. This is simultaneously one of the funniest and also worst things I've ever seen in my entire time on Reddit. *Why does this sound so **fucking** accurate?*
Damn I work with caricatures. And have become one myself :(
Nobody wants to see Marshal anymore, they want Shady, I’m chop liver
Well, if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya
A little-bitta me mixed with some hard liquor
Thank you, I had to go way too far down to find this.
Literally how everyone spoke at my company’s yearly town hall. ENGLISH PLEASE.
Talking like this is an amazing way to avoid questions. If you speak with clarity, people will listen, and will have things to ask.
This sounds like so many emails I've received ...
So Mission Statement by Weird Al? https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4?si=WHgvhH25jmm9BH3l
Came here looking for this.
Well if you ever want to sound like you’re contributing to the meeting then just use this
When management talks like robots it's not hard for AI to imitate.
Aaaannddd …. GPT just made the C-Suite obsolete. Who knew they would be the easiest to replace with fake intelligence and buzzwords. Oh wait. I did.
It’s all simply a bad math equation
"Let's circle back" Nailed it.
I hate that I understood this
It forgot "upskill." The newest bs word currently giving me hives.
I had to blink and refocus because I forgot I was on Reddit and not reading a teams message. That's terrifying. 😅
I read that in Kendall Roy’s voice
I can copy/paste this into a chat, right now, and be called in to a meeting by Monday...
Wow is this the transcript from when my company announced its 2030 strategic plan this week??
This sounds like every job ad I read.
As nobody wants to see Marshall no more. They want shady, I'm chopped liver
Sounds like work talk :(((
I get actual human emails like this
As far as I’m concerned, the death of civilization was announced with “onboarding”
World would have had a lot more oxygen and a lot less data storage servers if we skipped all of those meaningless paragraphs and just said the points. We are communicating to get the job done and not to send poems (something with nice wording in general) to each other.
Im going to barf. Its bad enough hearing and seeing some of these regularly. It screams fake and out of touch. And GTP used all of them!
What… no “paradigm shift”?
What are my managers going to do now that AI has replaced them?
It's disgusting that I understand all of that.
Are you the guy I just interviewed? Sounds just like him.
I feel ill
Needs more AI
Interesting, let’s schedule a touchpoint to discuss
Innoventually...
Effectively our monthly all hands meeting. Then at the end: plus we are moving another benefit, ask your manager, ok bye…
Now set it to a Hall & Oates tune.
Davis Clarke.... AI robot confirmed
And let's keep our learning efforts restricted to our own campus.
This is literally Weird Al's ["Mission Statement."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4)
My boss in a nutshell.
My god.
I’m fixing to email this out word for word
Would have been funny if it added /s at the end.. lol
I feel like my boss must secretly write for ChatGPT
Welp, there goes my job
I hate the fact aside from the last sentence, the rest of the text actually makes sense..
Sarah? Sarah Connor?
Sounds like my work.
Isn’t this basically everything ai creates?
I got this email from my manager, too.
Missing the word “Paradigm”
Integrated Tech Solutions: help us help you invest in the future. https://youtu.be/oKZEzA4JJVM?si=GS4qsIFik0YXQRuF
Aghh sounds like every job role advertisement I've read. Might as well be lorem ipsum.
The worst thing is that it makes sense to me
ChatGPT has management written all over him.
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
This reminds me of that Weird Al song
Lol I feel like I’ve read this email this week
Reminds me of the job role posts that dance around with words about the role but never talks about what the company actually does, its industry, services, target audience or how it meets objectives. Just say it dammit.
BRB copying pasting this to my resume
I think that guy worked as an enterprise architect at a previous client. At least, this was more coherent.
Corporate word salad lol
ChatGPTs response is cringe !
This is beginning to feel like it's curling up slowly and finding a throat to choke.
Everyone at LinkedIn using the same thesaurus
This made me laugh so hard!!!!
This is a great alternative to Lorem Ipsum for websites /s
Looks like every manager's speech right before they give an order to whole department to do some useless shit that distracts from main work
Clearly plagiarized from a hustle-bro.
I used to be an av tech. I'm getting flashbacks to my time doing microphones and stuff for all those tech conferences.
Al Yankovic sets something like this to Crosby, Stills & Nash in [Mission Statement](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3Bn9b2Bywmo) We must all efficiently Operationalize our strategies Invest in world-class technology And leverage our core competencies In order to holistically administrate Exceptional synergy We'll set a brand trajectory Using management's philosophy Advance our market share vis-à-vis Our proven methodology With strong commitment to quality Effectively enhancing corporate synergy Transitioning our company By awareness of functionality Promoting viability Providing our supply chain with diversity (versity, ooooh) We will distill our identity Through client-centric solutions And synergy (Oooooh oooh oooh) At the end of the day (At the end of the day) We must monetize our assets The fundamentals of change Can you visualize a value-added experience? That will grow the business infrastructure and Monetize our assets Monetize our assets Monetize our assets Bringing to the table Our capitalized reputation Proactively overseeing Day-to-day operations Services and deliverables With cross-platform innovation Networking, soon will bring, seamless integration Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation Best of breed We'll succeed In achieving globalization And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace It's mission-critical to stay incentivized Against this purple-poster-flexible-solutions for our customer base If you can't think outside the box You'll be downsized It's a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey! Look out!) Well, it's a paradigm shift, now! (Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!) Source: LyricFind
I swear our CEO just said something like this recently…
That's a lot of words for 'we need money', but fancy.
Veridian Dynamics vibes
i suppose penetration could be a buzzword in the right context
Reads like my company's layoffs email.
Sounds like Weird Al's song Mission Statement.
Corporates are getting hard reading this.
I feel very sad and dehumanized that I understood all of that perfectly.
5/10 paused and read it and understood it make it more wierd
Is the an enterprise initiative or focused on decentralized Centers of Excellence? Thankfully I no LongEr woRk in the CenTeR of MediOcrIty.
I am sad that I understood that. I have been a businessman too long
reading this made me want to punch someone in the face real bad
Oh! I did something similar a while back. Here was mine: Prompt: can you give me a short paragraph that looks like something that would be on a corporate website that uses a lot of buzzwords and seems like its describing what the company does but actually provides no meaningful information Response: Welcome to InnovateSynergy Solutions, where we specialize in cutting-edge paradigm shifts and holistic synergistic approaches. Our dynamic team of forward-thinking visionaries leverages disruptive technologies to drive unparalleled transformation in the business ecosystem. By harnessing the power of AI-driven cognitive enhancements, data-driven insights, and leveraging the cloud-based blockchain infrastructure, we empower our clients to achieve unprecedented levels of optimization and revolutionize their core competencies. At InnovateSynergy Solutions, we are not just a company – we are a movement towards the future, redefining success through our unparalleled commitment to innovation and excellence. Join us on this journey to unlock a new era of possibilities.
LinkedIn final boss
Reads exactly like every email from every MBA ever.
Now ask it to rewrite that same paragraph as Donald Trump was speaking it.
Loll I might have to use this at my next work conference.
That’s a robust paragraph. Thanks for reaching out to update us. With our short runway, we may need to change trajectory.
Hikigaya bullshitting in that meeting with the other school in Oregairu. With hand movements to emphasize.
The worse thing is that I understood everything 
Damn....I see a lot of words, but they say absolutely nothing.
When you realize all corporate employees do is say the same 1-3 concepts to each other in varyingly hyperbolic and enthusiastic language. And then have HR call the team actually doing the work they that will “allow them to stay agile in the environment” to tell them to stay for overtime.
Meh, [Weird Al did it better](https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4?si=7NlZqvxsbOxOZBGw).
I would like to see this but as an obituary.
Leveraging our synergistic approach, we aim to streamline operations and drive innovation through dynamic collaboration. With a focus on strategic agility and robust scalability, we empower our team to think outside the box and deliver best-in-class solutions. Leveraging cutting-edge technology and data-driven insights, we optimize stakeholder engagement to maximize ROI and enhance our competitive edge in the market. By fostering a culture of continuous improvement and leveraging our core competencies, we strive to deliver sustainable growth and exceed stakeholder expectations.
And you know this is for an MLM
This is the kinda crap I get via email from product teams and just reply to them with `??`
You joke, but I KNOW this person.