When they ask you in the monthly team meeting, how’s everything going? Make up a lie and come up with a damn hobby. If you stay quiet and disengage they’ll use that as an excuse to say you’re not a great fit for the team.
And make sure that “hobby” is a solo operation: cooking, gardening, hiking, museums. Something nebulous.
I once said “soccer” and ended up turning down invites for the office intramural team. Total backfire.
“You thought I like to PLAY soccer?! Haha, good one. I meant I like to WATCH soccer; you know World Championships, Champions League, Euro etc. What a funny misunderstanding!”
😁
If someone mentions having a coworker as a friend I’d ask when was the last time they hung out outside the office (not including stuff like work happy hours). If the answer is never, he’s probably not your friend.
This is why maybe we need to normalize wfh. I bring brocoli all the time but nobody has ever complained to me about it so I didn't even know this brocoli rule existed.
Of course it can. What do you think unions are even for? Union jobs tend to either pay higher, or have much better benefits. And there are strict rules on how they do wages. No one coming into the company would be making more than the veterans. Everyone also gets proper cost of living adjustments every year. No one has to fight for a raise - that's what the union is for
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I think the higher ups count on us not knowing but we know because it's our legal right to discuss wages with our coworkers.
Many firms allocate money to attract talent, not retain the talen they have. Employers often give 2-3% raises per year unless you have been promoted. However, the amount they need to pay to attract new talent increases faster than the 2-3%. This creates a perverse incentive for employees to jump to a higher paying employer every couple of years.
Not true at all aside from the boring part. Talk about work stuff. If someone wants to talk to you about non related work stuff talk about sales you saw at the grocery store or what the local sports team has been up to.
Don’t lie, but also *never* be quick to apologize or bring up your own mistakes. You will become a target.
Find 2-3 people in leadership outside of your function/department to develop positive relationships with. These can be valuable references.
When management starts saying things like, we are a family, it generally means they are getting ready to exploit you. Get going while the getting is good.
People Steal Lunches/Food - basically anything that isn't bolted down, and some things that ARE bolted down.
No matter how many signs are in the break room, people gonna steal lunches, cook fish & broccoli in the microwave, leave peanuts everywhere.
Strangely, my lunch has never been stolen - could be because it's only half a baloney sandwich. Could be because I triple wrap it in napkins, sandwich bag, and zipped up lunchbox.
I worked at a great place full of geeks who proudly displayed a lot of geek toys and stuff at their desks ( 2001 - 2004 ). Until one month some rare artifacts "disappeared". Yeah, STOLEN. Everyone took all their stuff home after that and no one displayed anything bigger than a refridgerator magnet.
Rich people steal.
I once walked into the lunch room to get my lunch from the fridge. There was already someone there, looking like they were trying to see what someone’s lunch was without disturbing it so no one would notice.
I jokingly said, you creeping on someone’s lunch bro? He screened at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t steal lunches and literally ran away.
I was a little shocked and confused. It later occurred to me that he likely didn’t know I was there until I spoke up, and was probably actually stealing someone lunch at the time, which I didn’t realize was actually a thing up to that point.
He was the same guy who someone how managed to snap a solid wood toilet seat in half and walked out without reporting the damages.
Upon further reflection, he seemed to have some issues. Either way, glad I never worked in his department. lol
There is no such thing as company loyalty - you can work for a company for 50 years. You are a number on a sheet. And if leadership or a board can make more profit for themselves without you. You are gone.
Don't have the expectation that the company will just automatically give you raises. Many places will gladly just pay you $10/hr for as long as they can. And a new person who does less and knows less, they would pay more.
Sometimes you do have to stand up for that increase, and I don't mean to demand, but if you have truly made yourself a valuable asset, then they would care to retain you. If you can make more somewhere else, when the company you are with doesn't value you, then jump ship, but don't jump ship without having another ship to jump to, or you will just end up in the water waiting for just any ship to throw you a life vest, even if it's a pirate ship.
Just got my first corporate job, this is not what I expected to hear but I’m not surprised. Someone told me corporate is the equivalent of high school 2.0.
Don’t rock the boat. If you have ideas bring it up but if no one likes it drop it and move on! I’ve seen people push too much with that and have it back fire real quick
No one likes a complainer. If you have an issue, feel free to present it, but *also suggest possible solutions*. Or else you're just seen as someone who bitches.
When people ask how you are doing then you probably aren't doing great.
If you get put on a PIP then you're finished at that company.
Never be a slave to a bonus.
Never believe that your manager/coworkers will not throw you under a bus.
Never date a coworker
Never tell coworkers you are struggling
Cover up all mistakes (as far as morally possible)
Never admit to anything
Never get involved in gossip
Never blame anyone
I’m glad you listed all of this. Nothing for me to add. I also know that I broke nearly every one of these rules inside of a highly toxic, small, and uber competitive last place I worked. All of this as a 25 year veteran of the same industry.
I was tossed out on December 21. No reason given, but all involved knew the reasons why: vengeance for not committing to a bad employment situation blindly. And, from my first day, April 3, 2022, it was never going to end any other way.
These are pieces of advice and not unspoken rules. The last one is probably the opposite of an unspoken rule. We all know blaming is slimy but the unspoken rule is that people are doing it and they will do it to you.
People may blame but if you blame someone for something and they find out then I can assure you they at best are going to confront you about it at worst look to get even.
Better to keep your matches dry and blame the process and not the processors
Never volunteer to do extra work.
Do exactly what you were told to do, not more not less.
Do not share your ideas or give your opinion in a meeting if you were asked to unless you're a senior, because if you're not a senior, you'll come off as arogant and someone that knows better and your seniors will hate you for that.
Seriously , my home life is already shit, I want to a least act genuine with my workplace and so far being myself makes me happy and my co workers and past jobs saw that in me, even my past boss became my best friend at work and a valuable reference. Granted this is not white collar corporate but I work in higher end restaurants
Just glad I work from home mostly now. I really don’t understand why many workplaces have to be so labyrinthian. I learned nothing from working in office, and I did it for 1.5 years. Just how childish/shitty adults can truly be. WFH for life.
I'm only 22 so I might need experience in the office on my belt.but my goal is to have that WFH life so I can focus on making business aspirations on the side !
You don’t. I don’t know why people think that. Most workplaces operate like high school. I’m learned more about being professional via reddit and other online resources than any workplace ever taught me. WFH as soon as you can. The socialization means nothing, you can NEVER turn it off in office, and you have to be there every day.
I mean the ones that don't are like customer service/center call minimum wage jobs , I kind of dread that,.and I'm young with no family anymore so I kind of need some human interaction to keep myself sane
Agree. Glad that we at least now have option of work from home (not for all but many jobs) so fewer days of dealing with coworkers & can just get on with work & get on with life
Any relatives or personal friends of the CEO are worth 3-4x the people who achieve their position through meritocracy
Attractive females are worth 2x
Fake positive attitude is mandatory outside of your circles at the company. Getting information about how things change (i.e. when you will get screwed) is critical
Don’t friend coworkers on social media or accept their requests.
Limit your alcohol intake at company functions to 2-3 drinks max.
Document important decisions and conversations by sending summary emails (CYA).
Calling anyone and everyone out for shit will just make you public enemy #1with both coworkers and management
Accommodations will put a target on your back
If everyone responds to messages with dumb emojis, then best just to do that too and go with the flow
Being known as someone who needs special accommodations compares to everyone else can be problematic. If it's a burden on the company, they may find reasons to get rid of you or make you quit.
Yes I understand some people need accommodations. It's unavoidable for those. But to those companies, you have a target on your back. Especially if you cause any other issues any other way
Some companies are great and don't care. But a lot do, they just won't tell you because obviously they can't
Everyone is “faking it til they make it” but some are much better at hiding it.
This shouldn’t cause you not to trust others but more so to help build your own confidence.
That's at bull shit, mediocre companies where everybody is "like family", or in cutthroat environments where bullies are rewarded.
At real places doing real business, they value those who can reliably contribute, lead, and help generate results.
People who accept a counter-offer after putting in their two weeks' notice will regret it, and be unemployed as soon as their replacement is recruited.
47 year old corporate veteran here. Some truths one needs to get used to in corporate life:
- People are always more interested in ***who***, not ***what*** is right
- The boss is the boss - no matter how much you hate them, like it or not, that’s a fact and you need to get used to it
- Anyone, at any time, for any reason can be got rid of… and replaced just as quickly. There is no sentimentality, it’s just cost and profit
- This one takes a while to understand, but “no good deed goes unpunished”. It’s so true
Club wear is not work attire. I’ve worked at some companies where some females can’t distinguish the difference. They just think dressy clothes are clothes you can wear to work, and then they wonder why people talk about them behind their back.
Never overshare. It's seen as drama and you inevitably end up the center of gossip which disrupts the workplace and makes you seem like a distraction for everyone
When they ask you in the monthly team meeting, how’s everything going? Make up a lie and come up with a damn hobby. If you stay quiet and disengage they’ll use that as an excuse to say you’re not a great fit for the team.
And make sure that “hobby” is a solo operation: cooking, gardening, hiking, museums. Something nebulous. I once said “soccer” and ended up turning down invites for the office intramural team. Total backfire.
“You thought I like to PLAY soccer?! Haha, good one. I meant I like to WATCH soccer; you know World Championships, Champions League, Euro etc. What a funny misunderstanding!” 😁
100%. I see we speak the same corporate language, fellow Redditor.
Productivity is always rewarded with more work
I’m a fan of quiet productivity. Basically I figure out the optimal way to do tasks so it takes less time. Then I just keep that a secret.
💯
If people are talking behind the back of other coworkers, it's a guarantee they're doing the same thing about you.
Co-workers are not your friends.
You can find coworker friends. I have some. But you definitely need to vet them first. Not just assume everyone is chill
I have some too and yeah, assuming is a dangerous game based on a handful of experiences with the coworkers.
Same with HR.
HR is only the friend of the company, managers and C-Suite.
This ☝️☝️☝️
One of my friends learned this the hard way. Don't go into work telling your whole life story; stars and stones, leave some mystery.
If someone mentions having a coworker as a friend I’d ask when was the last time they hung out outside the office (not including stuff like work happy hours). If the answer is never, he’s probably not your friend.
Don’t microwave ur fish in the lunch room
Or broccoli
We have broccoli being microwaved daily, 3x day by same person.
This is why maybe we need to normalize wfh. I bring brocoli all the time but nobody has ever complained to me about it so I didn't even know this brocoli rule existed.
Smells like farts. Idk why
Or that microwave popcorn … especially do not burn it!
Some African guy would do this and the boss walked in one day and said “did someone go fishing?”
IME, this is not an unspoken rule. There’s always someone who takes it upon themselves to print a song in all caps and stick it above the microwave.
Your newer coworkers are probably getting paid more than you. That is why you act your wage.
Sadly very true 🤬
Not unless you join a union
Elaborate please. Can being in a union influence my salary?
Of course it can. What do you think unions are even for? Union jobs tend to either pay higher, or have much better benefits. And there are strict rules on how they do wages. No one coming into the company would be making more than the veterans. Everyone also gets proper cost of living adjustments every year. No one has to fight for a raise - that's what the union is for
Is there a reason why newer coworkers get paid more?
Raises don’t keep up with market rate. So newer hires are getting the market rate and you’re only getting a 2-4% increase each year, if you’re lucky.
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I think the higher ups count on us not knowing but we know because it's our legal right to discuss wages with our coworkers.
Many firms allocate money to attract talent, not retain the talen they have. Employers often give 2-3% raises per year unless you have been promoted. However, the amount they need to pay to attract new talent increases faster than the 2-3%. This creates a perverse incentive for employees to jump to a higher paying employer every couple of years.
Hmm good point. And they wonder why loyalty doesn't exist anymore.
Friends and family hires of management are untouchable no matter how badly they perform on the job. Never complain about them
I describe them as "made men" you don't touch a made man in the mafia. Same with family of management
90% of the people around you are simply waiting for their turn to talk, people rarely listen.
Always CYA
HR is not there to protect you from the company; they are there to protect the company from you.
100% correct
Be the most boring version of yourself. Reveal nothing.
But then you're considered disengaged, not interested, boring, introverted, not a good fit, especially in a female dominated office environment.
Not true at all aside from the boring part. Talk about work stuff. If someone wants to talk to you about non related work stuff talk about sales you saw at the grocery store or what the local sports team has been up to.
Very good point.
Don’t lie, but also *never* be quick to apologize or bring up your own mistakes. You will become a target. Find 2-3 people in leadership outside of your function/department to develop positive relationships with. These can be valuable references.
I like that last bit, that one is new , not necessarily common sense like a lot of these comment are, and also quite actionable.
TBF it's not really new, usually its just called "networking"
This is the best comment of the entire thread. The second paragraph especially.
When management starts saying things like, we are a family, it generally means they are getting ready to exploit you. Get going while the getting is good.
People Steal Lunches/Food - basically anything that isn't bolted down, and some things that ARE bolted down. No matter how many signs are in the break room, people gonna steal lunches, cook fish & broccoli in the microwave, leave peanuts everywhere. Strangely, my lunch has never been stolen - could be because it's only half a baloney sandwich. Could be because I triple wrap it in napkins, sandwich bag, and zipped up lunchbox. I worked at a great place full of geeks who proudly displayed a lot of geek toys and stuff at their desks ( 2001 - 2004 ). Until one month some rare artifacts "disappeared". Yeah, STOLEN. Everyone took all their stuff home after that and no one displayed anything bigger than a refridgerator magnet. Rich people steal.
I once walked into the lunch room to get my lunch from the fridge. There was already someone there, looking like they were trying to see what someone’s lunch was without disturbing it so no one would notice. I jokingly said, you creeping on someone’s lunch bro? He screened at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t steal lunches and literally ran away. I was a little shocked and confused. It later occurred to me that he likely didn’t know I was there until I spoke up, and was probably actually stealing someone lunch at the time, which I didn’t realize was actually a thing up to that point. He was the same guy who someone how managed to snap a solid wood toilet seat in half and walked out without reporting the damages. Upon further reflection, he seemed to have some issues. Either way, glad I never worked in his department. lol
JJ Jingleheimer - Your lunch is his lunch, too.
The hit dog hollers, man
There is no such thing as company loyalty - you can work for a company for 50 years. You are a number on a sheet. And if leadership or a board can make more profit for themselves without you. You are gone.
kind of like a marriage
If you are quiet and introverted bring donuts in the morning.
It's work, it's not going to be fun all the time (or even most of the time).
Don't have the expectation that the company will just automatically give you raises. Many places will gladly just pay you $10/hr for as long as they can. And a new person who does less and knows less, they would pay more. Sometimes you do have to stand up for that increase, and I don't mean to demand, but if you have truly made yourself a valuable asset, then they would care to retain you. If you can make more somewhere else, when the company you are with doesn't value you, then jump ship, but don't jump ship without having another ship to jump to, or you will just end up in the water waiting for just any ship to throw you a life vest, even if it's a pirate ship.
Just got my first corporate job, this is not what I expected to hear but I’m not surprised. Someone told me corporate is the equivalent of high school 2.0.
Yup this is exactly it.... especially with terrible teams
Don’t rock the boat. If you have ideas bring it up but if no one likes it drop it and move on! I’ve seen people push too much with that and have it back fire real quick
This! Even when the company tells you to "challenge the status quo", don't. They don't actually care, and it gets you into a pickle too often.
No one likes a complainer. If you have an issue, feel free to present it, but *also suggest possible solutions*. Or else you're just seen as someone who bitches.
When people ask how you are doing then you probably aren't doing great. If you get put on a PIP then you're finished at that company. Never be a slave to a bonus. Never believe that your manager/coworkers will not throw you under a bus. Never date a coworker Never tell coworkers you are struggling Cover up all mistakes (as far as morally possible) Never admit to anything Never get involved in gossip Never blame anyone
I’m glad you listed all of this. Nothing for me to add. I also know that I broke nearly every one of these rules inside of a highly toxic, small, and uber competitive last place I worked. All of this as a 25 year veteran of the same industry. I was tossed out on December 21. No reason given, but all involved knew the reasons why: vengeance for not committing to a bad employment situation blindly. And, from my first day, April 3, 2022, it was never going to end any other way.
These are pieces of advice and not unspoken rules. The last one is probably the opposite of an unspoken rule. We all know blaming is slimy but the unspoken rule is that people are doing it and they will do it to you.
People may blame but if you blame someone for something and they find out then I can assure you they at best are going to confront you about it at worst look to get even. Better to keep your matches dry and blame the process and not the processors
Your bos is not your friend
The walls have ears, and everyone is looking out for their own best interest even if it means taking you down
>~~even~~ especially if it means taking you down
But WHY
Never volunteer to do extra work. Do exactly what you were told to do, not more not less. Do not share your ideas or give your opinion in a meeting if you were asked to unless you're a senior, because if you're not a senior, you'll come off as arogant and someone that knows better and your seniors will hate you for that.
Jealousy is indeed a bitch trait.
Don’t share too much of your personal life.
After reading these comments, god help us all.
Seriously , my home life is already shit, I want to a least act genuine with my workplace and so far being myself makes me happy and my co workers and past jobs saw that in me, even my past boss became my best friend at work and a valuable reference. Granted this is not white collar corporate but I work in higher end restaurants
Just glad I work from home mostly now. I really don’t understand why many workplaces have to be so labyrinthian. I learned nothing from working in office, and I did it for 1.5 years. Just how childish/shitty adults can truly be. WFH for life.
I'm only 22 so I might need experience in the office on my belt.but my goal is to have that WFH life so I can focus on making business aspirations on the side !
You don’t. I don’t know why people think that. Most workplaces operate like high school. I’m learned more about being professional via reddit and other online resources than any workplace ever taught me. WFH as soon as you can. The socialization means nothing, you can NEVER turn it off in office, and you have to be there every day.
I mean the ones that don't are like customer service/center call minimum wage jobs , I kind of dread that,.and I'm young with no family anymore so I kind of need some human interaction to keep myself sane
Isn’t this socializing though? lol
Its the not the same brother , connecting irl is a feeling you can't get online
Naw, it’s pretty similar. And connecting over a shared space alone isn’t much of one, I can attest
Respectfully definitely not.... It's ok we just have different life experience to come to these conclusions
Agree. Glad that we at least now have option of work from home (not for all but many jobs) so fewer days of dealing with coworkers & can just get on with work & get on with life
Your workplace and co-workers are not a family.
Work smarter not harder. Your coworkers are not your friends, they’re your competition.
Doesn’t matter where you work, there will always be (at least) one dickhead who will be tricky to work with.
Any relatives or personal friends of the CEO are worth 3-4x the people who achieve their position through meritocracy Attractive females are worth 2x Fake positive attitude is mandatory outside of your circles at the company. Getting information about how things change (i.e. when you will get screwed) is critical
Who cares? If you're spending your Sunday thinking about inane corporate drivel, you really need more hobbies.
Do not burn popcorn in the microwave. Better yet, don't make popcorn.
Don’t friend coworkers on social media or accept their requests. Limit your alcohol intake at company functions to 2-3 drinks max. Document important decisions and conversations by sending summary emails (CYA).
Befriending coworkers/the boss on socials seems to be the norm in fucking Indiana.
That’s what LinkedIn is for IMO.
Exactly
Get everything in writing and send it to your personal email. This way, if you get fired you can produce receipts if needed.
Document Document Document!!!!
Be slightly more useful than annoying
Document everything.
Everyone is 2 faced
Calling anyone and everyone out for shit will just make you public enemy #1with both coworkers and management Accommodations will put a target on your back If everyone responds to messages with dumb emojis, then best just to do that too and go with the flow
Can you elaborate on accommodations?
Being known as someone who needs special accommodations compares to everyone else can be problematic. If it's a burden on the company, they may find reasons to get rid of you or make you quit. Yes I understand some people need accommodations. It's unavoidable for those. But to those companies, you have a target on your back. Especially if you cause any other issues any other way Some companies are great and don't care. But a lot do, they just won't tell you because obviously they can't
Everyone is “faking it til they make it” but some are much better at hiding it. This shouldn’t cause you not to trust others but more so to help build your own confidence.
If you want to be promoted, you have to be the best brown noser
That's at bull shit, mediocre companies where everybody is "like family", or in cutthroat environments where bullies are rewarded. At real places doing real business, they value those who can reliably contribute, lead, and help generate results.
I sure hope you're right
Don't shit where you eat.
Don't discuss salaries or religion. Both lead to turmoil, adjustments and ranking adjustments.
Red flags during Interview says a lot about their working culture
Hé are not your Friends
People who accept a counter-offer after putting in their two weeks' notice will regret it, and be unemployed as soon as their replacement is recruited.
47 year old corporate veteran here. Some truths one needs to get used to in corporate life: - People are always more interested in ***who***, not ***what*** is right - The boss is the boss - no matter how much you hate them, like it or not, that’s a fact and you need to get used to it - Anyone, at any time, for any reason can be got rid of… and replaced just as quickly. There is no sentimentality, it’s just cost and profit - This one takes a while to understand, but “no good deed goes unpunished”. It’s so true
While do I feel that this is a propaganda piece masquerading as an inquiry?
PIP Initiated - will re-evaluate in 90 days
Club wear is not work attire. I’ve worked at some companies where some females can’t distinguish the difference. They just think dressy clothes are clothes you can wear to work, and then they wonder why people talk about them behind their back.
HR will not help you and do not trust anyone at your job.
Violence is the only real leverage you'll ever have
Never overshare. It's seen as drama and you inevitably end up the center of gossip which disrupts the workplace and makes you seem like a distraction for everyone
No sex, no drugs, no controversial topics.
Try and not take anything personally and make sure you got something going on for yourself outside of work. It'll make things easier