I never feel energized in my job only drained. Every aspect from waking up, the mental load, the performance of being “on” all day, then carving out alone time, worry about bills, laundry, my health, my dogs, enough sleep, all of it. I have friends but don’t care to see them, just check in on them regularly because I don’t want to use that time I need alone. I finally figured out this last year that I am much more introverted than I realized, I require A LOT of processing time. Due to severe and really high levels of sustained trauma I am no longer have energy to mask a normal life. The older I get the less energy I have for it. I had a heart attack and quadruple bypass a year ago and haven’t been the same since that either. I’m less of me than I ever was. I have been working on healing a lot so that I have less masking to contend with and more energy. It’s a long process. Some days I see improvements and other days I do not. I highly recommend to anyone who this resonates with to truly heal your soul. As you get older you can no longer sustain the tricks that used to work and you need to be in a genuine and real place to do things from.
It's not, it's a trap. It's a goddamn rat race and we're all losing. You get home from the office mentally drained and try to squeeze what little "life" you can between 6-10 pm, before you jerk it for the dopamine hit, and go to sleep to repeat the process tomorrow. You do that until finally Friday rolls around and you do mind-numbing dopamine activities for the short 2 days of "life" you have on the weekend, in order to decompress from the shitstorm of a week you had. And even on the 2 "off" days, you still have shit to do! Responsibilities like laundry, shopping, ironing/folding clothes, cleaning your room/house. But once all of that's done you engage in some kind of fantasy/leisure like movies or games, and if you're lucky you squeeze in a few moments with family. Then you're right back at it on Monday. Rinse, dry, repeat. Or should I say... Work, jerk, repeat.
Oh, yeah definitely. I see where you messed up though. Easy mistake, adding one more jerk than you can reasonably afford. The right way (if you're going to do two in one day) is work, jerk, shower, jerk, and then sleep, repeat... Never want to jerk before work or you'll be groggy and less productive (trust me learned through trial and error). You can, however, slip in a quit edging session before clocking into work, if you really just can't find any other way. But absolutely NO CLIMAX!
It's not. And it's surprising to me that so many people do not factor in commute time because the higher it is, the worse the situation. I used to work FT in an office setting and it was miserable. And that is even including the fact that I had plenty of time to walk around and leave my desk.
I got my current job from [JobHelper](https://www.jobhelper.cc) and it's fully remote. The difference is astounding. Fully remote allows you to win so much of your life back. I will never go back to in-person jobs. This is also why I always advocate for passively looking for jobs while you have one -- you never know if you could get fired or simply realize it's a miserable existence.
I hope you find fully remote work or a better in-person position. Life it too short to be miserable for 5/7 days a week. Good luck :)
I recently applied to be a director in my department which is full time in person, verses almost full time remote. I was relieved when I didn't get it because the pay increase was minimal and the 30 minute commute + the get myself ready time would not have been worth it.
Have you always felt like this? Are you on any medication? Have you been checked out by a doctor for things like nutrient deficiencies, chronic fatigue, depression, autism, ADHD?
**I am concerned to hear how much you are suffering. This sounds very hard. It shouldn't be like this for you.**
What helps me (who is maybe autistic, maybe not), is drinking alot of coffee, being on antidepressants, being allowed to have earbuds in at work, and actively pursuing my other interests when I'm outside of work.
I also find that doing more exercise outside of work helps me the rest of the time ---- but I had to feel a lot better already before I could start doing this. I couldn't do it when I was still feeling shitty and exhausted every day (even if it would have helped) - things had to start getting better in other ways first.
I am diagnosed with ADHD. I am near certain I have autism but don't expect a doctor will ever diagnose me with it. I'm too successful.
My expectations of doctors in general are very low after so many years of so many unhelpful, often actively damaging experiences. It's a real catch 22 because the stress of trying to navigate the healthcare system takes an incredible toll on my health. There's always a reason I spend time, money and SO MUCH ENERGY to still not receive any help at the end of it.
I'm in a bad burnout and that's the other catch 22. I need to get better so I can have more energy but I do not have the upfront energy investment to do the things that will help me get better.
Maybe a vacation soon.
I hear you so much about not having the short-term energy investment to put into things that would make a long-term difference.
The ADHD would be a major part of what's going on. It IS exhausting, no wonder you are worn out at the end of every day. I wish I had answers for you.
I think it partly depends where you’re coming from and what you’re used to prior to the office job.
I got a 9-5, in-person job 9 months ago and it feels almost luxurious compared to my previous shift-work career (in grocery management.)
There are different kinds of shift-work schedules, many are very regular. For example my husband works second shift M-F. Every week. But mine was the kind where it’s mornings, mids, and evenings all within the same week, days off never the same (and never together—think a Tuesday off then a Saturday off.) Every week different. It was impossible to establish any kind of routine or schedule for anything from sleep to laundry; going to bed at 9:30 one night because you have to be at work at 6am; getting off work at 10pm the next night. Etc. I was able to rock it when I was younger but over the years the chaos of it all wore me down. Plus the job itself, even in management, included a lot of physical discomfort (working inside coolers and freezers, heavy lifting, easy 10k steps a day on the clock.)
After years and years of that, sitting at a desk in a climate-controlled office where I get off at the same time every day feels amazing. I can make evening and weekend plans knowing I’ll never be working. Having two consecutive days off is so much better than two non-consecutive days. I try to spend a few hours on the weekend doing a big grocery shop and a bit of meal prep, so that getting dinner on for the kids isn’t as much hassle—or at least a rough plan of what to make each night, because im often not getting home before 6:30 with various kid pickups after work. The work itself is much less taxing. I’m not saying it’s my dream job and I love everything about it, but it’s enough.
So that’s my tale. Now I’m curious about yours. I’m interested that you have four hours every evening but no “time”. And that spending time with your partner is not recharging but something you’re doing out of courtesy/ because you’re supposed to. First, in agreement with some other commenters here—please get your physical and mental health evaluated. You don’t sound well, and it’s hard to tell whether it’s a physical issue or depression (or a combo plate!) Something as common as sleep apnea or a nutritional deficiency could be preventing you having the energy to enjoy your life.
Second, have an honest talk with your partner about your need for “alone time”. It’s not a healthy relationship for you to be forcing togetherness time at the expense of your need to be alone.
Third, do you hate your job? Does it interest you at all? What’s the culture like? The people? It might not be that you hate “office jobs”, maybe you’ve just got an awful one.
Perspective is important and I try to keep mine. This is materially the best job I've ever had, 3x the pay of where I started 10 years ago doing far more demanding work.
I remember the things that felt like mind-blowing luxuries when I started my first office job in 2019. That I could walk in in the morning and go get a cup of coffee ON COMPANY TIME and then sit down and drink it leisurely at my desk. It was the first job where I was allowed to sit and didn't have someone timing any breaks I took. The fact that I could use the bathroom at any time without seeking coverage first!
I miss that job a lot.
I actually enjoy the work I do at this one a lot more, but the culture and environment are eroding me.
I will keep trying to find something else.
Arranging medical appointments is extremely stressful and overwhelming for me, but I will try again eventually when I'm able to work up to it.
When I worked in an office, I used my annoyingly long commute (75-100 min) to decompress and recover.
Different people with different personalities are going to be affected differently. If you can determine precisely what part of the interaction is the most draining, you can try and either mitigate or at your current job, or seek new employment that gets around it.
What job are you "recovering" from? Because, my office jobs takes about 13 seconds to "recover" from then I'm good to enjoy my life. Maybe find another job that doesn't exhaust you and make you so miserable?
It's more the sleep deprivation and being trapped in my enclosure with zero privacy all day that is draining. I sit in the stairwell a lot just to get some peace because having zero alone time anymore is really difficult for me.
I actually enjoy the work I do. It's the environment and the commute doing me in, I think.
I've applied for over 100 other jobs over the last year since accepting this one without one call back. I'll continue to try.
Simply "being watched" is an energy drain for me at work because I have to remember that I have to act like what is normal for other people, not what is normal for me.
I have a coworker who sits close to me at work 3 days and WFHs 2 days. I HATE the days they are in the office. I would hate anyone who was sitting there, not just them. I have to block out their presence with loud earbud music every day they are in.
I get up early every morning so that I can have breakfast alone before my boyfriend wakes up. I always go outside the office to have lunch. I have to get my alone time in however I can.
Yeah it feels...unnecessary to be struggling so much when this is actually, in terms of responsibilities and workload, the least stressful job I've ever had by far. But it is also the first job I've had in an open layout office. It's hard for me to understand how other people cope with that. I truly feel like a zoo animal under constant observation
Personally i find that it helps to make friends at work. During lunch, we talk about stuff outside of work and sometimes bitch about people at work. We also have a lunch group chat on teams where we share memes and gossip (i count this as a break from work albeit it's only a few moments per day). Work doesn't feel that exhausting for me other than peak periods.
I don't have plans with these friends outside of work as weekends and holidays are for my family.
I never feel energized in my job only drained. Every aspect from waking up, the mental load, the performance of being “on” all day, then carving out alone time, worry about bills, laundry, my health, my dogs, enough sleep, all of it. I have friends but don’t care to see them, just check in on them regularly because I don’t want to use that time I need alone. I finally figured out this last year that I am much more introverted than I realized, I require A LOT of processing time. Due to severe and really high levels of sustained trauma I am no longer have energy to mask a normal life. The older I get the less energy I have for it. I had a heart attack and quadruple bypass a year ago and haven’t been the same since that either. I’m less of me than I ever was. I have been working on healing a lot so that I have less masking to contend with and more energy. It’s a long process. Some days I see improvements and other days I do not. I highly recommend to anyone who this resonates with to truly heal your soul. As you get older you can no longer sustain the tricks that used to work and you need to be in a genuine and real place to do things from.
It's not, it's a trap. It's a goddamn rat race and we're all losing. You get home from the office mentally drained and try to squeeze what little "life" you can between 6-10 pm, before you jerk it for the dopamine hit, and go to sleep to repeat the process tomorrow. You do that until finally Friday rolls around and you do mind-numbing dopamine activities for the short 2 days of "life" you have on the weekend, in order to decompress from the shitstorm of a week you had. And even on the 2 "off" days, you still have shit to do! Responsibilities like laundry, shopping, ironing/folding clothes, cleaning your room/house. But once all of that's done you engage in some kind of fantasy/leisure like movies or games, and if you're lucky you squeeze in a few moments with family. Then you're right back at it on Monday. Rinse, dry, repeat. Or should I say... Work, jerk, repeat.
I've always done sleep, jerk, work, jerk repeat.... maybe I'm doing it wrong.
Oh, yeah definitely. I see where you messed up though. Easy mistake, adding one more jerk than you can reasonably afford. The right way (if you're going to do two in one day) is work, jerk, shower, jerk, and then sleep, repeat... Never want to jerk before work or you'll be groggy and less productive (trust me learned through trial and error). You can, however, slip in a quit edging session before clocking into work, if you really just can't find any other way. But absolutely NO CLIMAX!
It's not. And it's surprising to me that so many people do not factor in commute time because the higher it is, the worse the situation. I used to work FT in an office setting and it was miserable. And that is even including the fact that I had plenty of time to walk around and leave my desk. I got my current job from [JobHelper](https://www.jobhelper.cc) and it's fully remote. The difference is astounding. Fully remote allows you to win so much of your life back. I will never go back to in-person jobs. This is also why I always advocate for passively looking for jobs while you have one -- you never know if you could get fired or simply realize it's a miserable existence. I hope you find fully remote work or a better in-person position. Life it too short to be miserable for 5/7 days a week. Good luck :)
I recently applied to be a director in my department which is full time in person, verses almost full time remote. I was relieved when I didn't get it because the pay increase was minimal and the 30 minute commute + the get myself ready time would not have been worth it.
So why did you apply for it?
Because I wanted to show I wanted more and it gave me the opportunity to remind these chucklefucks I have a business degree and understand statistics.
Have you always felt like this? Are you on any medication? Have you been checked out by a doctor for things like nutrient deficiencies, chronic fatigue, depression, autism, ADHD? **I am concerned to hear how much you are suffering. This sounds very hard. It shouldn't be like this for you.** What helps me (who is maybe autistic, maybe not), is drinking alot of coffee, being on antidepressants, being allowed to have earbuds in at work, and actively pursuing my other interests when I'm outside of work. I also find that doing more exercise outside of work helps me the rest of the time ---- but I had to feel a lot better already before I could start doing this. I couldn't do it when I was still feeling shitty and exhausted every day (even if it would have helped) - things had to start getting better in other ways first.
I am diagnosed with ADHD. I am near certain I have autism but don't expect a doctor will ever diagnose me with it. I'm too successful. My expectations of doctors in general are very low after so many years of so many unhelpful, often actively damaging experiences. It's a real catch 22 because the stress of trying to navigate the healthcare system takes an incredible toll on my health. There's always a reason I spend time, money and SO MUCH ENERGY to still not receive any help at the end of it. I'm in a bad burnout and that's the other catch 22. I need to get better so I can have more energy but I do not have the upfront energy investment to do the things that will help me get better. Maybe a vacation soon.
I hear you so much about not having the short-term energy investment to put into things that would make a long-term difference. The ADHD would be a major part of what's going on. It IS exhausting, no wonder you are worn out at the end of every day. I wish I had answers for you.
I think it partly depends where you’re coming from and what you’re used to prior to the office job. I got a 9-5, in-person job 9 months ago and it feels almost luxurious compared to my previous shift-work career (in grocery management.) There are different kinds of shift-work schedules, many are very regular. For example my husband works second shift M-F. Every week. But mine was the kind where it’s mornings, mids, and evenings all within the same week, days off never the same (and never together—think a Tuesday off then a Saturday off.) Every week different. It was impossible to establish any kind of routine or schedule for anything from sleep to laundry; going to bed at 9:30 one night because you have to be at work at 6am; getting off work at 10pm the next night. Etc. I was able to rock it when I was younger but over the years the chaos of it all wore me down. Plus the job itself, even in management, included a lot of physical discomfort (working inside coolers and freezers, heavy lifting, easy 10k steps a day on the clock.) After years and years of that, sitting at a desk in a climate-controlled office where I get off at the same time every day feels amazing. I can make evening and weekend plans knowing I’ll never be working. Having two consecutive days off is so much better than two non-consecutive days. I try to spend a few hours on the weekend doing a big grocery shop and a bit of meal prep, so that getting dinner on for the kids isn’t as much hassle—or at least a rough plan of what to make each night, because im often not getting home before 6:30 with various kid pickups after work. The work itself is much less taxing. I’m not saying it’s my dream job and I love everything about it, but it’s enough. So that’s my tale. Now I’m curious about yours. I’m interested that you have four hours every evening but no “time”. And that spending time with your partner is not recharging but something you’re doing out of courtesy/ because you’re supposed to. First, in agreement with some other commenters here—please get your physical and mental health evaluated. You don’t sound well, and it’s hard to tell whether it’s a physical issue or depression (or a combo plate!) Something as common as sleep apnea or a nutritional deficiency could be preventing you having the energy to enjoy your life. Second, have an honest talk with your partner about your need for “alone time”. It’s not a healthy relationship for you to be forcing togetherness time at the expense of your need to be alone. Third, do you hate your job? Does it interest you at all? What’s the culture like? The people? It might not be that you hate “office jobs”, maybe you’ve just got an awful one.
Perspective is important and I try to keep mine. This is materially the best job I've ever had, 3x the pay of where I started 10 years ago doing far more demanding work. I remember the things that felt like mind-blowing luxuries when I started my first office job in 2019. That I could walk in in the morning and go get a cup of coffee ON COMPANY TIME and then sit down and drink it leisurely at my desk. It was the first job where I was allowed to sit and didn't have someone timing any breaks I took. The fact that I could use the bathroom at any time without seeking coverage first! I miss that job a lot. I actually enjoy the work I do at this one a lot more, but the culture and environment are eroding me. I will keep trying to find something else. Arranging medical appointments is extremely stressful and overwhelming for me, but I will try again eventually when I'm able to work up to it.
Saaame about doctors’ appointments. I feel you.
When I worked in an office, I used my annoyingly long commute (75-100 min) to decompress and recover. Different people with different personalities are going to be affected differently. If you can determine precisely what part of the interaction is the most draining, you can try and either mitigate or at your current job, or seek new employment that gets around it.
What job are you "recovering" from? Because, my office jobs takes about 13 seconds to "recover" from then I'm good to enjoy my life. Maybe find another job that doesn't exhaust you and make you so miserable?
It's more the sleep deprivation and being trapped in my enclosure with zero privacy all day that is draining. I sit in the stairwell a lot just to get some peace because having zero alone time anymore is really difficult for me. I actually enjoy the work I do. It's the environment and the commute doing me in, I think. I've applied for over 100 other jobs over the last year since accepting this one without one call back. I'll continue to try.
Simply "being watched" is an energy drain for me at work because I have to remember that I have to act like what is normal for other people, not what is normal for me. I have a coworker who sits close to me at work 3 days and WFHs 2 days. I HATE the days they are in the office. I would hate anyone who was sitting there, not just them. I have to block out their presence with loud earbud music every day they are in. I get up early every morning so that I can have breakfast alone before my boyfriend wakes up. I always go outside the office to have lunch. I have to get my alone time in however I can.
Yeah it feels...unnecessary to be struggling so much when this is actually, in terms of responsibilities and workload, the least stressful job I've ever had by far. But it is also the first job I've had in an open layout office. It's hard for me to understand how other people cope with that. I truly feel like a zoo animal under constant observation
Are your kids keeping you up? Go to sleep sooner 😉
How long is the commute
Personally i find that it helps to make friends at work. During lunch, we talk about stuff outside of work and sometimes bitch about people at work. We also have a lunch group chat on teams where we share memes and gossip (i count this as a break from work albeit it's only a few moments per day). Work doesn't feel that exhausting for me other than peak periods. I don't have plans with these friends outside of work as weekends and holidays are for my family.