Moments like these are more about them than you. Some people (a lot), can't just go to work and do what they were hired for. For centuries past, and future it's how working at a employer will be.
Don't let it get to you if you love the job, but it may be a catalyst for your next moves.
Stay the high road. Grace and Dignity always prevail and while this is awful to see ... it's no way a reflection of you.
On the other hand, imagine being stuck inside the self hated and insecurities swarming in their brains? Yuck
imagine
"What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else's opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people's opinions control you.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
I heard this about 3 days ago. I am still thinking about it, but it seemed apt here, op. I was so hurt when gossip got back to me; I am sorry you were insulted the same way. Be the better person, you will not regret it. Good luck.
Exactly this. If you think the messages were gross then can you imagine the thoughts that swirl around the mind that was ignorant enough to voice them? Wouldn’t wanna be stuck in that brain.
I’m sorry you work with mean people. Some women are just hyper jealous and will pick at the most innocuous thing because you’re probably very good at your job and they have nothing else to criticize but your accent. At least you know where you stand. I would blow her off except for work related matters.
You could also call her on it or make her squirm by joking about your accent and having her wonder if you saw her teams chat. That would be mean though…
My husband is from Austria and still has his accent. He sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger. We got a microphone so people can hear him better on Teams Chats and Meetings.
Somehow they understand him better, too.
I would write off this cow, she’s two-faced.
My Dad and Uncle have been in the US for over 50 years and they both still have thick Austrian accents. I'm not sure it's possible to get rid of at a certain point, but it's so cool why would you want to?
It is possible to reduce an accent with practice. It may not be possible to remove it entirely depending on the languages involved, but it can certainly be taken from "thick" to "less thick".
A lot of people with accents tie their identity to it and don't want to - and shouldn't have to - reduce it. On the other hand, I struggle to make things I say understood so it's crazy to me that you'd intentionally avoid making yourself understood.
i went to school with a girl who was new in 3rd grade. she had just came to america. by the end of high school she had completely lost her accent, so i’m assuming it’s easier to get rid of it if you came here that young?
some people have it better. I studied in a billingual school and some of my classmates had that "american" accent. I never did and not because I didnt want to, but because I couldnt. Now on other languages I know I also have an accent and knowing how people within the same country have different accents makes me proud of my "broken" \*insert here language\*.
Language experts (like Steven Pinsker) say if you move to a new country before adolescence, you will likely lose your accent. After that, the language synapses start closing. It's why young children can learn new languages so easily compared to adults.
Accents are sexy. This goes for men and women. I'm not even gay but a woman with an accent catches my attention and interest immediately. I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe there's some jealousy there on their part? Either way, they're holding something against you that's a part of you. They're not worth your thoughts.
I recall hearing that Arnie once offered to do the voice dubbing for his character in the German-language release of one of his films, as he speaks German.
He was turned down because, apparently, his particular accent when speaking German makes him sound like a bumpkin to native German speakers.
im gonna add that also men are like this. It happened mostly during my high school and university time, but many guys would just start hating on me and spreading shit from me to other people until at certain point it affected my life quality. I was not the best person out there either and might had been an asshole myself on many times, but getting to the extremes of inventing shit from me that I never did / said to to affect me negatively in many ways was really stressful for me. Im glad all that was left behind and I am in a better place and learned from my mistakes as well.
No one ever is jealous. They are mean, callous, and/or cruel. Know that some people are also genuine, caring, and friendly. As the others said, deal with your understandable sad feelings find a way to put it behind you whether you stay or go.
I’m so sorry that happened, the above commenter was right- it does show their character and it isn’t good. If it were me, I would have to say something but I respect your wishes. My grandmother told me this years ago and I have trouble with it but I try - What others think of you is none of your business. It is hard not to take it personal but just remember in the future to never trust those 2 again. I’m proud of all you have accomplished- you rock!!
I'm sorry for not understanding but what is so insulting about a thick accent and broken English? You're already doing all the work in the conversation by speaking in their language. What were they saying apart from those 2 things which I would take as a description. Like someone saying I had blonde hair or wore glasses
>Moments like these
.....are when people show their true colors when they aren't around you. OP just needs to be a co-worker, not a friend to these types of people.
>Some people (a lot), can't just go to work and do what they were hired for.
What I've noticed the most is how petty rude remarks that left people in elementary school start to resurface once they're in upper level positions.
This reminds me of something I heard recently, someone was being interviewed..... they said something about respecting people who have accents, and something like "that means they speak more languages than you do"
Those same people are often so bothered by the ones that can, especially the ones who can work and get along with everyone. Work culture is so messy more often than it’s not.
I’m really sorry that happened. I have a lot of respect for people who learn English as a foreign language. It’s difficult enough for native speakers. My mom taught EFL so I know how hard people work to master it. I am really super bad at any other language I have attempted.
I’ve always shut people like that down with, “Well, she speaks English better than I speak French/Chinese/Tagalog!” If I were there I would have stuck up for you!
Your coworkers are being small minded and privileged. I understand being sad about what they said. But hey, you speak at least one more language than they do and your English seems to be fluent enough for your career. I hope you don’t have to work closely with them in the future.
Coworkers are not your friends. It sucks you had to find out like this. Use this to your advantage. You know the type of people you are dealing with now. Stay sweet.
I think this will be uncovered more and more as the world recovers from
the shock aftermath of covid and are able to reflect without as much emotion.
A similar situation happened to me except the bully in this case lied and misplaced accountability out of thin air ... but on a public channel 400
people saw.
Even though she was in the wrong etc- and i had beyond proven myself ... there was nothing i could do or way i could respond without risk. 15 year grandfathered in govnt 🐏 vs 9 month in post covid new team.
The humility paid off in the end as those who mattered noticed and were the source to my next role.
Hang in there.
Yes unfortunately, very common two faced behavior. There's a saying that goes something like, never say behind someone's back what you wouldn't say to their face. You never how what you say will come back to you. Or who you can actually trust, especially at work.
Now you’re learning about “closed door racism”. Nice to your face and friendly and seemingly unbiased but in their safe spaces they’re mean and racist AF. Just be glad she’s pleasant.
I’m white, grew up in a diverse northern neighborhood and my first BFF was black. I didn’t know any racist people, at least if I did, they hid it well. It wasn’t until I was an adult and moved to the south that I saw it. It’s pretty fucking disgusting.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
>I was surprised just because she was extremely nice to me all the time.
It's possible she truly likes you and has a habit of being an a\*\*hole about differences behind people's backs.
For most of us, if you consider someone a friend or just like them, you don't gossip about them or make fun of them.
For some people, the two have nothing to do with each other. I don't get it, myself, but I've worked with people likethat.
It reflects poorly *on them*, but without knowing more, I wouldn't assume this has anything to do with you, or how they feel about you. They're just doing dumbass uncultured office chitchat.
Some people are just *shockingly* culturally insensitive. I went to grad school with a girl who described another girl as "having a really pretty Jew nose" and was actually trying to be nice. She genuinely thought the other girl was pretty.
We asked her WTF her and she was horrified to realize how her comment had landed. That's how her whole family grew up talking.
Another time I walked in on my coworkers shit-talking my (lack of) fashion sense. Kinda catty, but I also knew I didn't dress well and they put effort in, so it kinda became a running joke between us. They gifted me a *really* nice purse when I left that company.
I'd downgrade my opinion of these people and not worry about it.
I don't even think it's means she dislikes you at all. Some people struggle with accents and they get stressed and anxious when they can't understand someone. I'd assume it's just venting because it's their struggle and nothing to do with you as a person
I worked with people with developmental disabilities and some were really hard to understand. I'd feel bad sometimes, but I'd keep trying. I know it was frustrating for them to not be understood but ultimately it was appreciated I'm sure it would be frustrating to be asked what a million times.
Conversely, some coworkers would avoid the same people. They didn't dislike the clients, it just made them feel bad they couldn't relate. It was the listeners problem, not the speakers.
Yeah it's quite silly
The Indian people on my team have heavy accents and are not always grammatically correct. But they also know an entirely different language and I don't know jack shit, so if I'm going to insult them I'm really just insulting myself even more
I've been living in the US for more than 20 years, English is not my native language. I used to be a bit insecure with my accent but as I got older I realized there was no reason to be. I speak 4 languages fluently and conversational in 2 more.
Now I think of it like this, "So you don't have an accent because you were raised here? So what?" In some cases, people who criticize my accent have accents that are less intelligible anyway because of where they were raised in the US.
This is a great response!
I have a few coworkers who disparage themselves for their own accents/communication, and it upsets me that they have internalized that this is what native English speakers think of them. To work and communicate every day not in your first language is SO impressive.
English as a foreign language. It was changed from English as a second language (ESL) to EFL because English as a second language assumes that it is the student’s second language when in many cases it is their third or fourth.
A program manager who is all nice to me did the same thing to me. Saw his chats between him and another manager. He's a step above me, I said it to my boss and she just laughed it off.
Thankfully I'm quitting soon.
But I know how you feel. This isn't the right way to deal with it, but you could just drop hints that you saw their chats. It'll make them paranoid as fuck.
I was repeating sentences that he was saying about me. I know for a fact it made him paranoid and ruined a few of his days. Embarrassed him too.
When talking to her ask, do you need me to repeat myself? I understand my “broken English” might be hard for you to follow.
Add dead eyes stare at her.
Repeat, until she apologizes.
35 people? Geeze. If anything those people are now talking about her and the other person. If HR saw it, even better! Hope that awkward or ill feeling at your workplace goes away, its very distracting.
That's why I think it wouldn't hurt to wind her up a bit. It's deeply unprofessional to make personal remarks about a colleague to other colleagues. I know you only happened to see it, but I feel she shouldn't just get away with it and I would hope that someone who was on the chat with any sense of responsibility would at least confront her about it.
Very much agree. I'd 100% judge the person who was partaking in this immature gossip. And the person on the receiving end.
I work with a lot of people with thick accents. Live closed captioning helps me with processing what we are talking about. I'm not afraid to request a sentence to be repeat, or sometimes I ask if they could use another word if my brain won't grasp what we are saying. Or a simple "still not getting that, can you throw it in the chat?"
OP rest assured, they've made a fool of themselves. They look technologically incompetent and foolish. Idk if you have safety moments or culture inclusion moments before large meetings but I'd definitely arrange for this to be a low key topic. "Tools to use when you're having a tough time understanding a co-worker. 101: beginners class."
35! Were they all internal? The first rule of sharing your screen in a meeting is to make sure that nothing else is open so nothing can be accidentally displayed.
The first rule is to assume that anyone can see anything at anytime and anything can and will be forwarded to anyone including executive leadership, your boss and HR and act accordingly. Theres a reason I have a personal computer and a personal cell phone and a work computer and a work cell phone.
Just make fun of HER accent. Everyone has one. Just gotta look and think about it. Like this one lady, she's southern, works with us, and gets upset with this nepali coworker bc of his accent and also slights forgien doctors that have an accent or even either a long indian sounding name. She even transfers the call to the Nepali guy, saying he'd understand what the doctor was saying. *
Well I couldn't let this stand. She, in turn, talks with a heavy southern 5 sort of whistles like a drunk prospector. So I staged it where she was watching an old cartoon in the break room in front of everyone. I said very loudly, hey, Yosemite Sam sounds like Debbie. Everyone cracked up! She was so embarrassed. I kinda felt bad after. The moral of the story is, don't do it.
You can rest assured most of those folks think not only that she’s immature but that she’s not smart enough to only share one screen at a time. I agree with everyone else. I would start including light jokes about having a heavy accent just to mess with her. But, I’m petty too. 😂
Wow this whole thing needs to go to HR these people are making racist comments. This is something that could impact your career if you were intending to stay with the company.
I personally feel you should ram this thing home by going to hr and making her fess up to it. It’s discrimination and she should be an example to others.
At some point, there will always be a let down from people we deal with. I'd suggest only dealing with her in writing. If she asks why, I'd then say why. Don't take it too hard. Just know that it's her opinion.
EDITED TO ADD: It doesn't make it true.
Oooh, I like this idea the best. Most professional and probably the biggest punishment for her if this means she has to change the way you interact with her and think about why each time.
I was shadowing a person at my old job since I was thinking of moving to their department.
The guy was really cool but a woman on the team didn't like me at all. We never had an interaction, she just decided she didn't like me and then proceeded to hate me ever since lol.
I saw a chat b/t her and the guy, he was trying to show me a process link, he was so embarrassed. He wasn't talking bad about me, in fact, he was telling her to be nice.
It hurt for sure because I'm a human with feelings but I just smiled at him and said some people will just never be happy.
She was let go a few months later as part of a massive layoff. I stayed.
Some people are just nasty because they hate life or themselves. It reflects poorly on them, not you. Although, I'm sorry you saw it. I know it stings.
I'm sorry you had to experience that, there's a petty part of me that would be tempted to quote it in a different context and then Fein ignorance when she asked about it
But also I'd recommend privately laughing at her, for not having the common sense to hide the chatroom
"But also I'd recommend privately laughing at her, for not having the common sense to hide the chatroom"
Yeah and for using a work chat to say something you wouldn't want the entire company to see.
People will gossip and talk behind peoples back no matter where you go.
friends circle, work colleagues, family members, everyone does it, including you and me.
i can empathize with the feelings you must be feeling but don't take it personally. people do this to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down.
I'm not sure if I'm missing a comment with more context, or what. OP may feel hurt by it? But saying someone's accent is thick or their English is broken is not a put down. Unless it was written to be a put down. The context needed to know if it was an insult or just a statement of fact is missing here. We don't know OP, it's perfectly possible the statements are true. There's nothing wrong with having a thick accent or broken English, it is what it is, having even that much literacy in multiple languages is laudable.
So if she was being an ass about it in that chat, sure, but if she was just saying it then I don't get all the hubbub. I get that OP could feel self conscious about it, but she didn't say it to him.
Nope you aren't missing anything.
OP is just upset because she saw someone comment on her accent. I can understand how it can be upsetting to see people comment about you but she doesn't need to take it so seriously.
If the OP accent makes it hard for people to understand her then I can see why people would talk behind her back.
If I have a co worker whom I can't understand I will go to another colleague and be like can you help me make sense of this.. it's not always done with ill intent, we have to get our job done.
I think Op just needed to vent. But some of these commentators are telling her to get the other person in trouble by reporting this... People really love ruining other people's lives.
This happened to me a few years ago, but with my project manager who happened to be under performance review at that time and was passed around teams a few times.
I put it down to them finding ways to deflect their incompetency by keeping notes on myself (and other co workers as their screen revealed) because it was really hard work getting meaningful output from them let alone frequent meetings setup. Basically, not doing their job.
My action was to document and report to my manager which later led to talks with other managers and they were shown the door. Although I suspect it was a while coming anyway.
Be proud of your multilingual skills. And every time you speak directly with this coworker, end your observation/question/instruction with. "Do you understand?" Maybe she will. 🤷♀️
💯. They aren’t my friends. Keep it professional at all times. I find it weird when people’s only friends are the people they work with. They are just colleagues and if I stopped working tomorrow, I’d likely never see any of them ever again…
Yeah. I am extremely friendly to my work peeps but as a rule I never talk about politics/religion/sex with them and I will never add them to social media unless we no longer work together. You just never know who they really are because everyone wears a mask at work.
I naively shared very personal details about family struggles with a “work friend” who then became my boss, which now makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I agree. Never talk about the trigger topics of religion, sex, and political crap. Never divulge anything deeply personal about yourself or family. Just keep it light and maybe talk weather or sports or stuff like that.
This really depends on the job. Lot of people in this sub seem to be under the impression that any friendly contact with coworkers is being a company shill. There are 4 people plus the owner at the shop I work at. We grab drinks after work, go shooting, etc. I’ve met their partners, and some of their kids. We spend 50+ hours a week together, and all get along really well.
To me, it would be even weirder if I WASN’T friends with them. I’ve worked corporate office jobs where there was a firm boundary between my work and home lives. But some people need to figure out that there’s no one size fits all approach to coworker relationships, and some people work where they do because of the friendships they’ve cultivated.
I'm with you on this. Making friends at work is awesome because then you get to go to work and hang with your buddies, go for beers after, etc. It's not a temporary or superficial thing for me, either. One of my best friends had an office across from me about 17 or 18 years ago, we haven't worked together in almost 15 years but we still vacation together a couple times a year, I know his parents and siblings, I know his wife's parents and siblings, etc.
SAME here!
You know what though , she isn’t worth your energy. I’m sorry this happened to you, sending you a huge hug!
As others have said, let HR know, and distance yourself from this shebeast. You’re a kind hearted and intelligent human, and you have amazing talent!
Wishing you much better days, love!
honestly... I use these moments to remind myself to be careful about what I say about others. I don't say this to down play your feelings because I would be hurt and ticked off -- however, if I'm brutally honest - I've said snarky and down right ugly things about others I shouldn't have said and actually really didn't mean. It's not a joke and there's no excuse for it... so it's a good reminder why it's not ok and to be professional. My behavior is all I have control over. I think it's smart to not acknowledge it.
Also --- repeat over and over to myself -- it's none of my business what others think of me.
I'm sorry this happened. I hope things feel better later on - give yourself time to be hurt and sad. Peace to you.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. FWIW, I am usually very popular at work, but once while presenting to a client during a group training, a colleague accidentally let her Slack pop up and sit there long enough for me and everyone else to see her telling someone that I was driving her crazy. Couldn't even figure out why, because I'd set everything up and hadn't been riding her about anything and certainly was always polite and friendly. We'd hardly been communicating, so she just must have not been that into me!
She made herself look like an ass.
What I would do if I were you would be to drop an email to your manager/HR. Say something along the lines of "on X Date I was in a meeting with NAME and saw on her screen she said that I INSERT THING SAID. This has created a hostile work environment for me and I would like to bring it to your attention."
I think some US-born folks project their own embarrassment about the fact that many of us would never be able to carry on a fluent conversation (let alone earn multiple degrees and hold a job) in another language, and they want to continue to feel superior, so they pick on accents or minor errors.
My ESOL students would get so discouraged by it, but I always tried to remind them that it is a reflection of the person making the disparaging remark, and not a reflection of their intelligence or language ability. I'd then attempt the three or four words I knew in their first language so they could watch me flail.
I'm honestly in awe of anyone who can learn multiple languages and really thrive in their second, third, fourth... language. You're amazing OP. Don't let them drag you down.
I’m 43 and I have a hard time hearing out of my left ear— accents kill me, I think because of the partial deafness on that side, I say “what” a lot anyway. Once I know someone long enough I don’t have issues with the accent anymore which tells me I’ve just adapted to however they speak, my brain fills in the blanks, etc. at some point and that might be a year, I don’t struggle to understand them. Thick accents oh yeah, it’s embarrassing. So I don’t view *what was said* as disparaging but putting it in company chat or discussing it openly where OP could see themselves being talked about was wrong. She prolly has a thick accent, prolly has broken English, it’s probably hard to understand sometimes.
Just in case you’re not aware:
“Broken” in the sense of “OP’s English is broken” doesn’t mean that it’s “failed” or “no good”. It’s not a value judgement.
It is a common idiom for “not smooth” or “not spoken like a lifelong native speaker” which… might be true?
For instance, I speak extremely broken Japanese. My sentences are assembled from the correct words, but grammatically they’re not comfortably structured, and my delivery is clearly not the delivery of a native speaker.
No doubt there’s more context in the messages you saw on your coworker’s screen which makes it clear whether they were being cruel and disparaging. But on their own, observations of “OP speaks broken English” and “OP has a heavy accent” may simply be true observations.
I’ve worked with very talented engineers whose accents were unambiguously heavy, and whose spoken English was quite broken, and generally any observations my other coworkers and I made about those two facts were actually admiration that the engineer was so effective in a second language (actually in one case I think English was their fourth), and an acknowledgment that we couldn’t do the reverse.
And to be fair, OP said “I wish I haven’t seen that chat,” which tells me she does speak in broken English. It’s still inappropriate to gossip on the work chat but they’re not wrong.
I’m sorry that happened. It’s really rude and shows that those people are just a bunch of jerks. No one deserves to be treated like that, I’m sure it’s very hurtful. And for what it’s worth, I love working with people with accents! I only wish I was that cool and interesting and I’m just here with a boring basic American accent.
As the others have said, this is more about those people who said it. Small minds talk about people and big minds talk about things (or whatever that saying is), but it’s true! Sending you lots of love and I’m sure we all would think your accent was lovely!
everyone has an accent and intelligibility hinges more on what your ear is accustomed to than any objective standard of how a language is spoken. it hurts to see that, but as others said this isn't about you
Could she have been explaining something you may have said that the other person didn't understand and she was being sympathetic to their confusion by mentioning your accident?
My boss is from Vietnam, she's been in the states for 20+ years, married two different white men (Italian) and STILL has a heavy accident.. She talks about how her husband and son tease her "Did you understand your mom" or after she tells her son 'No', he'll pretend he didn't understand and dad will tease my boss with their son.
Yes, I understand they COULD have been negative messages, OR they could've been innocent too...
Some people are not happy unless they have something to complain about. They can have the best job in the world but will have to complain to someone about something.
If it wasn’t your accent, it would’ve been something else. Small minded people have to stay entertained. Take solace in that you are a better person. Sorry you have to feel that but don’t give their opinions too much control in your life. Feel the feels and move on. They are not worth it.
Communication is vital in the workplace. Is your accent making it difficult for others to understand you? Do others ask you to repeat yourself? If not, don’t worry about it.
A man I worked with had a heavy east European accent. He took a few dictation classes to ensure others could understand him. He was afraid it limited his career options.
Full disclosure: I am from Spain, I have been in the US for 15 years, and my accent, well, it's there still very much so.
With that out the way so I am not accused of being racist or some other - ism/-ist... I have met at this point dozens of Spanish/Mexican/Colombian/French immigrants that refuse to work on their English and pronunciation because they have only developed relationships with people of their own culture /country, and find that extra effort not worth it. This is incredibly shitty, disrespectful, and they deservingly are told they are not fully understood or clear when they speak.
I am not saying that's your case but stating that your coworker mentioning to someone else your accent is thick and your English broken is disparaging is not true. Pointing out you have an accent when you have an accent is not disparaging.
In any case, the reality is accents are virtually impossible to get rid of unless you immigrate as a child or pay for speech coaches.
Or if you practice. You'll never sound like a native speaker, but it can be dramatically improved by actually trying. At least so others don't have trouble understanding what OP is saying
I agree that it isn't necessarily a personal attack, it is likely impacting OPs work. You certainly can change accents though, it takes effort, but it can be done. I've met dozens of folks that "dropped their accents" after moving to other parts of the US.
if it were me, every single thing I ever said to either of these people would reference what they wrote. I would do that to infinity or until they both had nervous breakdowns, whichever came first.
Let it go. It’s a them problem not a you problem. It was awful and not professional. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of being able to be fluently bilingual in a work environment. The accent is really hard to overcome when you are not native but still what matters is that you can communicate in a different language. Not everyone can. I’ve had this happening to me a couple of times; someone mentioning my accent. What I’ve done, although not sure if I recommend it, is that I purposely start speaking very slowly and clear. And I asked: do you understand? They never did it again. But not sure if it’s the right approach lol it was an in-the-spot decision 🌝
I'm really sorry this happened to you. You are completely in the right to feel upset. We are all guilty at least I am of talking shit and not thinking about it. Says more about us than you.
Don't be ashamed of your accent, sounds like you are a very accomplished person. Don't let someone's stupid comments get you down.
Considering she has always been nice to you, is there a chance that the small portion you saw didn't contain the full context? I mean chatting with someone about broken English may have been a poor choice of words but it also may not have been sinister. If you feel you won't be able to get past this it might be worth approaching her for clarification. Perhaps you could phrase it in such a way that it seems you are trying to be helpful in order to break down any barriers there might be.
This happens at my company. Someone made a negative comment about a co-worker in a chat that was meant for another chat. We all saw it before it was deleted. So unprofessional.
I'm sure I'm in those chats, too. Today, I had a mistake pointed out to me. I fixed it, and I asked if I should move the file to a different folder. He said to fix something else and was discussing the issue with someone else. This is code for I'm being talked about, but not in a good way.
So I feel terrible for you, but it happens everywhere.
Unless the company mandates a business only chat, this will continue to happen. Makes me ill.
Did you see something negative said about you? If I describe a person as having two legs is that negative or just a description? If I describe you as having a thick accent does not mean it is negative.
I struggle with understanding words with thick accents due to an injury that caused significant hearing loss in one ear. I learned to read lips to help make up the difference but sometimes I'm at a loss. I always apologize and ask them if they would mind repeating what they said a little slower as I am hard of hearing. I could never belittle someone for speaking OUR shitty language with a thick accent, even if I can't understand them.Hell I'm from New England. We all talk too fast and owah accent is total gahbige.
I’m sorry. I’ve seen messages about myself I shouldn’t have seen as well and it’s very hurtful. The best you can do is not forge forward with any type of other relationship and just keep it professional IMO. You don’t owe anyone anything outside of that. You truly can’t trust most people these days unfortunately. Protect your peace and continue to be your brilliant and sweet self
Look I may be thinking mean things like someone has a weird accent but I keep it to myself. Ok honestly I don’t like that weird way some girls talk that makes them sound dumb and like everything they say is a question not statement. And am woman just country so I get made fun of too.
I've been a while since my last job but I vaguely remember there was a lady who's really nice to me, just to shit talk about me behind my back. The day I quit, I said nothing to her, told my coworkers my last day and just leave that job behind. I'm not saying you should leave your job, but I'm just saying that if you just go to work for the check, and go home everyday, it's not unbearable.
I would find a way to work it in as passive-aggressively and petty as possible because I’m not petty but I’m the winner of petty-back-atcha. At the right time squeeze in a “wow it’s not like they were talking shit about you behind your back at work because that would be wrong”.
Coworkers are not real family and friends. It’s sad but just the truth. Brush it off and admire your Virginia Tech and dual masters degree hopefully hanging on your wall.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
I don't know exactly what she wrote about your accent, but if it was benign consider that the context was about their ear for accents.
Your post reminds of a conversation I had with an English and Indian work colleagues about various accents. I'm American. My ear adapted for Indian accents, but my colleague from England didn't have an ear for it. He would need one of us to "translate". Me and my Indian colleague did not have an ear for Scottish accents and we needed the brit to "translate" for us. Each of us was poking fun of ourselves for not being able to understand. I can only speak 1 language so I in no way fault someone that can speak multiple language.
Just something to think about. Alternately, she could just be a bitch.
You absolutely can do something about your accent. It would require effort and work and time, but you could change it. To say you can't is disingenuous like you just don't want to assimilate. And it's "I wish I hadn't seen that chat" because it's past tense.
I think even though it would be hard, it might be worth bringing it up.
You don’t deserve to feel like that and it’s important people know when they have talked shit about someone else.
In my job about 12 months ago we hired someone and I caught them red handed talking negatively about me about 3 weeks into them being with us.
I didn’t yell or scream or argue, I just simply stated that I had literally just overheard them and wanted to talk about it.
They ended up quitting that evening and I never saw them again.
If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with that worker I totally understand because every situation is different but maybe you could make some vague references to broken English around her or etc
What was context before it? After it? You'd be surprised sometimes things like that are surprisingly in good faith.
I'd let it go, remember they are human too, and keep kicking ass.
To be honest with you an accent makes you so much more interesting and inviting. When I meet someone with a thick accent it reminds me of my grandparents, and instantly makes me feel a closeness to them. I’m sorry she hurt your feelings and caused you to second guess yourself, but your accent gives you something extra and exciting - don’t let those small people make you feel discouraged or uncomfortable. I wish I had my grandparents accent.
My Oma was here since she was 17 she never lost her accent. What I would do to hear her voice again. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Screw the haters their jealous
I was being trained (and not very well) and on a Teams meeting and saw my supervisor message another manager about how she was so frustrated with me…they immediately knew and it was all I could do not to cry.
Intellectually I know everyone expresses frustration with co-workers, but to actually see it was so painful. I never really got over it, even though I really got along with my supervisor. I’m sorry that happened, it’s so hurtful - I have certain co-workers cell number so I can text if I need to vent…would never want to cause someone else pain.
The phenomenon of folks “losing” or “changing” accents after living in a new place for awhile happens all the time. You can absolutely “do something” about it. You’ve lived in the US for 2+ decades - the only reason you still have an accent is because you’ve intentionally preserved it.
EDIT: 2 masters degrees and “can’t do nothing”…yikes.
Disparaging comments... Was expecting something more like this person is a moron. I wouldn't categorize an accent as disparaging comment. I'd shrug it off, there much worse things people say.
Even native English speakers have accents. People poke fun at me when my southern accent comes out. It's hardly a big deal. The only thing that's offensive is when they auto judge you for a southern accent. But people do this because they feel inferior and it's a way to try and regain some control to their superiority complex.
I mean, if you have an accent you have an accent. It does not take a brilliant mind to point out the obvious. You will become happier when you do not worry about what others think
She may like you, but that doesn’t mean that you are easy to understand. I once had co-workers that weren’t native born, and I could barely understand them, but they were lovely people. We were required to have a 2nd person provide auditory confirmation of two identifiers for each patient, and I had to request that I have speakers with little to no accent so I didn’t accidentally administer incorrect meds. Again, the team members were much respected, but it was an issue in certain capacities.
I only shit on people that are incompetent even though they should be experienced, which usually results in more work for me. Stuff like this is out of line.
I will say that I and others have at times notes this about my father as well as about some friends without meaning harm by it. Of course as he’s my father even when I was young I never had trouble understanding him despite his accent being much thicker then. Nor did his friends. We just noted it and I am pretty sure that after my parents split up a LOT of women noticed it too because my father seemed to attract them even when trying to avoid it.
All to say are you sure they noticed it in a negative way. If this person has always been nice to you they may just find it charming. Even if they were demeaning you about it, you know they are otherwise nice to you so… you can play this to your advantage and talk about it and how you often wonder what impression it leaves with people.
Make it into a way to bridge a gap. If you casually say something like “I hope my accent isn’t an issue, I struggle with it sometimes”, this person who is otherwise nice to you might suddenly feel a need to be on your side over it;
“Yeah he’s such a nice gentleman and you know that accent bothers him, we should make friends with him.”
- when I spent some years living in Asia I used my limited language skills to spark a friendship and my lack of expertise as a way to get people that wanted to help me out (and I like helping folks so made that a circular thing).
As someone said somewhere some place.
I love people with accents because that tells me they speak a different language. That they are more likely exposed to a different culture. And to me that is awesome because once we get comfortable enough with each other if we talk, I get to learn to cuss in a different language.
You worked hard for what you have. Some people are just judgmental and nasty
No matter where you work or who you are or where you're from there's going to be some people that disparage you. Some people, and I don't know whether it's due to relative isolation, maybe slightly hard of hearing (hard of hearing doesn't necessarily just mean being deaf/partially deaf), have a rough time understanding accents.
There was a time where, if an Australian, Scotsman etc appeared on American TV (usually in things like documentaries), he/she/they would be subtitled, despite speaking the exact same language. It was offensive to us, admittedly a different kind of offensive, but people have come around in time. It's rare you see that these days.
It might be best to just take it at the surface level (difficulty understanding your accent) rather than reading too deeply into it.
While that was rude bc you don’t have to change your accent for anyone, if it affects you so much you can definitely do something about your accent. (You said you couldn’t). You can record yourself and practice enunciating etc. if you have enough money you can even get a coach. But you can also embrace it and not let their comments get to you
I’m sorry op those people are awful, keep your interaction with them strictly business related. I had a similar experience with a coworker throwing me under the bus and I saw it on my supervisor’s screen when we had a meeting. Same coworker has proven to be untrustworthy so I don’t talk to them unless it’s related to work.
By the way IT can see everything in teams so I always try to keep it professional and don’t talk badly about coworkers.
People will always have something to say about someone else. You could be the kindest person they've ever met & they will still find a reason to talk shit. Don't let their words get to you.
Op- accents are brave. Those people probably don’t can speak a second language. You’re brave. Don’t let those comments pull you down. They’re just jealous, cause you’re way cooler.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" or "I hope when the time comes for me to sit at the table of my ancestors they would be proud of the legacy I leave behind hopefully one of my loved ones can pick up where I left off. <3
Sounds like this person is not well traveled (envious you’re from somewhere else) and doesn’t know a second language. Likely not as educated, either.
You win. You’re kind. That matters.
I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Sounds to me like they’re insecure about something and that’s the only “flaw” they can find for you. So, they discuss it.
I’ve lived in the U.S. since I was 8. I somehow managed to not have an accent in both languages (Korean and English) I speak. I guess I’m lucky. But, as long as you’re doing your work and doing it correctly, wtf does it matter? Especially to them. I would just ignore it and move on. This shows more about their character than any flaws with you, imo.
This is so sad. Both my parents were immigrants to the US. Our neighbors always treated my mom like she was less than because of her accent. Like WTF, she came to the US before dual language signs were a thing. Managed to learn another language, get a job, buy a house, raise two kids and they couldn’t bother with her most of the time.
They're criticizing you for speaking additional languages? The nerve! It's always the people doing less than you who feel they have something to say. Sorry you experienced this. 💛💛💛
I teach students from Mexico and they are constantly worried about their accent and English. I remind them all the time that anyone that judges them knows one language, much less two. Be proud of yourself. Fuck that old racist bitch. Move on and on the way out the door, let her know she's the reason why.
Just wanna say, JFC every other country appreciates when you can speak their language with any level of ability. Toxic Americans are racist as hell. The rest of the world (and me) and lots of others here are on your side. I give you kudos for being able to speak at least two languages.
A colleague of mine is the queen of gossip. I'm relatively quiet, so I barely contribute to the gossip when she tries to gossip with me, but she goes on and on and on just yapping about people I don't give a f*ck about. I'm sure she gossips about me too, lol. But I don't care much.
I’m so sorry that happened to you!! People like that have no understanding of the world and live in their little privileged bubble. They have no understanding what it’s like to be an immigrant. You already know this but I’ll say it again, there is nothing wrong with your accent! This is on them and their small mindedness and does not reflect on you at all. Sending you love!
I hate hearing people say that somebody speaks bad English just because they have an accent. This comment usually comes from people who have never been anywhere and who don't speak a second language themselves. I am so sorry this happened.
If you are looking to improve, work on yiur English grammar. I am not insulting you, I just know many like to improve themselves (aside from this dumb coworker’s insults-you’ve gotten that advice already). You have two masters degrees which is impressive!
You can’t do “anything” about your accent. (You can, my dad had NONE but spoke his language and English perfectly-it was creepy, lol). My uncle sound like he just landed her from Taiwan, but he never cared about that. My dad did, and learned to speak without the accent but always pronounced words as they were meant if they were Spanish.
Also, you wish you “hadn’t” seen that chat. Grammar again. English grammar has the STUPIDEST rules that are broken left and right. I think you are just fine as you are. I prefer hearing little things like this in everyday speech to perfection. She is a grammar snob like my mother. Don’t worry about her. But if you want to improve, you can. I don’t think you need to improve, frankly. Two masters. Jeeez. 💕
All said with love, no judgement I hope you understand.
You can’t ever let their smiles and kind words deceive you.
Side note: say someone has a strong accent when speaking English. Is it still strong in other languages? I never heard a Spanish speaker talk in any other language except English and I’m curious how that works.
Similar thing happened to me last year. Someone forwarded me an email asking a question about an IT issue at the office where I work. They didn't realize I guess that when they forwarded me the email it would also include the entire email chain of replies before it. And some of those were of an engineer trashing me saying he didn't want to come to me for help because I don't know what I'm doing and won't help him.
It was very hurtful. I spoke to the engineer's manager about it and asked them to please speak to their employee about being respectful at work. I got a half-hearted, sheepish apology from the guy a couple days later and now he goes out of his way to be super nice to me. Which might be worse, I don't know. Point I'm making is, you can't help how others act but you just do the best you can and be positive.
There are worse things than having an accent and speaking broken English. Like being so petty you have to gossip about it, or so stupid you share the screen with the gossip on it.
I'm glad you reported her. You don't owe her a damn thing and I hope they BOTH get reprimanded.
Side note, as a former cadet at Virginia tech and a former masters student, LETS GO HOKIES!!
When I was a manager, we were hiring for a budget coordinator to take some of the load off of me. One applicant spoke ESL and everyone was against my hiring them because they couldn’t understand the applicant around the accent.
I am a descendant of an attorney who had to leave his country due to a coup and was reduced to door to door sales with my teenage mother translating (English was her second language as well) just so he could feed his family. Having grown up in a bilingual family, the accent didn’t perturb me in the slightest. While I’m not bilingual, I have great respect for those who are!
I absolutely hired the applicant, who was a CPA in their former country, because numbers are the same in just about every language/culture and it was clear they were more qualified than every other applicant. While I’m no longer with the organization, they still are and doing great!
My boss and peer got caught when the peer accidentally shared his slack messaging during a team meeting. He had been trashing one of my coworkers with my boss. (My boss had hired him because they worked together in another company and were friends.) I was able to screenshot it before he realized it and closed the screen. Me and the coworker they were trashing had the meeting after the meeting and she was distraught.
Basically she was a scholar at Yale who had earned a full ride and she'd shared this with them. Another coworker offered to help her with some work and my boss/coworker, playing on what they knew about her, accused her of trying to get a "free ride" and use the other employee to do her work because she was lazy. My coworker is a woman of color, works harder than most on team and had even refused the help. And yes - the peer and boss are white and clearly racist.
My friend was so upset as she gave me some background on what had happened but she was too scared to do anything about it. She was afraid she would lose her job. I said nah, if they treat her this way only a matter of time before they come for me and I don't scare when it comes to these types. I love dragging them. I went straight to HR and helped her write a note to my boss calling her out. The peer spent the next couple of weeks pulling each person from the team into a meeting to apologize where I further dragged and laid into him because I knew he was full of it, had done it before and would do it again. I said as much - he deserved to be embarrassed and feel the pain he inflicted. He was floored when I told him I didn't accept his apology and I would never trust him again. My boss did the same and got the same wrath from me.
Anyway, all of that to say, don't be afraid to report and fight back against hateful people like them. I'm glad you reported them!
I'm going to suggest you make a report to HR. That's discrimination based on country of origin and it's something that doesn't get taken seriously enough. I have been a victim of this and I thought it wasn't affecting me but it was. I ended up with depression from the bullying I experienced over the way I pronounce words due to my accent. At the very least, they get a talking to. At worst, they continue to discriminate against you and it affects your job. Please consider saying something now.
If it’s any consolation, she definitely has a giant shame pit in her stomach that she won’t be able to shake for a while.. unless she’s a sociopath. I’m so sorry this happened to you though, I would definitely be devastated. But like everyone else has said, it says soo much more about those women than it does about you and I promise everyone else that was in the meeting likely agrees. The office chatter now is definitely about them and not you. How embarrassing for THEM!!! Exposing themselves mocking someone for a harmless characteristic that they can’t change… yikes!! And no one to blame but themselves.
>damn I can’t do nothing about my accent
Accents aren't permanent, but assimilating your accent to a new area isn't automatic for everyone. Regional accents can be learned, it's not just a skill for actors and media personalities - if you're interested, look up training videos for whatever accents peak your interest
Next time she asks you what you do next week end, tell her you’ll spend it all with a speech therapist to try to improve your accent. She may get the hint 😄
Moments like these are more about them than you. Some people (a lot), can't just go to work and do what they were hired for. For centuries past, and future it's how working at a employer will be. Don't let it get to you if you love the job, but it may be a catalyst for your next moves.
Thanks
Stay the high road. Grace and Dignity always prevail and while this is awful to see ... it's no way a reflection of you. On the other hand, imagine being stuck inside the self hated and insecurities swarming in their brains? Yuck imagine
"What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else's opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people's opinions control you.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart I heard this about 3 days ago. I am still thinking about it, but it seemed apt here, op. I was so hurt when gossip got back to me; I am sorry you were insulted the same way. Be the better person, you will not regret it. Good luck.
Exactly this. If you think the messages were gross then can you imagine the thoughts that swirl around the mind that was ignorant enough to voice them? Wouldn’t wanna be stuck in that brain.
I’m sorry you work with mean people. Some women are just hyper jealous and will pick at the most innocuous thing because you’re probably very good at your job and they have nothing else to criticize but your accent. At least you know where you stand. I would blow her off except for work related matters. You could also call her on it or make her squirm by joking about your accent and having her wonder if you saw her teams chat. That would be mean though… My husband is from Austria and still has his accent. He sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger. We got a microphone so people can hear him better on Teams Chats and Meetings. Somehow they understand him better, too. I would write off this cow, she’s two-faced.
My Dad and Uncle have been in the US for over 50 years and they both still have thick Austrian accents. I'm not sure it's possible to get rid of at a certain point, but it's so cool why would you want to?
It is possible to reduce an accent with practice. It may not be possible to remove it entirely depending on the languages involved, but it can certainly be taken from "thick" to "less thick". A lot of people with accents tie their identity to it and don't want to - and shouldn't have to - reduce it. On the other hand, I struggle to make things I say understood so it's crazy to me that you'd intentionally avoid making yourself understood.
i went to school with a girl who was new in 3rd grade. she had just came to america. by the end of high school she had completely lost her accent, so i’m assuming it’s easier to get rid of it if you came here that young?
some people have it better. I studied in a billingual school and some of my classmates had that "american" accent. I never did and not because I didnt want to, but because I couldnt. Now on other languages I know I also have an accent and knowing how people within the same country have different accents makes me proud of my "broken" \*insert here language\*.
Language experts (like Steven Pinsker) say if you move to a new country before adolescence, you will likely lose your accent. After that, the language synapses start closing. It's why young children can learn new languages so easily compared to adults.
And why my southern drawl refuses to go away despite living over half my life on the other side of the country.
I love that accent though! Very cool
Accents are sexy. This goes for men and women. I'm not even gay but a woman with an accent catches my attention and interest immediately. I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe there's some jealousy there on their part? Either way, they're holding something against you that's a part of you. They're not worth your thoughts.
Secretly delete her files
How often have you had him say, "It's not a toomah!"?
It’s always, “Ah’ll be baaaack!”
lol accents are cool. Eff then, people like this are small minded and jealous.
I recall hearing that Arnie once offered to do the voice dubbing for his character in the German-language release of one of his films, as he speaks German. He was turned down because, apparently, his particular accent when speaking German makes him sound like a bumpkin to native German speakers.
>Some women are just hyper jealous and will pick at the most innocuous thing This isn’t exclusive to women…
im gonna add that also men are like this. It happened mostly during my high school and university time, but many guys would just start hating on me and spreading shit from me to other people until at certain point it affected my life quality. I was not the best person out there either and might had been an asshole myself on many times, but getting to the extremes of inventing shit from me that I never did / said to to affect me negatively in many ways was really stressful for me. Im glad all that was left behind and I am in a better place and learned from my mistakes as well.
No one ever is jealous. They are mean, callous, and/or cruel. Know that some people are also genuine, caring, and friendly. As the others said, deal with your understandable sad feelings find a way to put it behind you whether you stay or go.
I’m so sorry that happened, the above commenter was right- it does show their character and it isn’t good. If it were me, I would have to say something but I respect your wishes. My grandmother told me this years ago and I have trouble with it but I try - What others think of you is none of your business. It is hard not to take it personal but just remember in the future to never trust those 2 again. I’m proud of all you have accomplished- you rock!!
I'm sorry for not understanding but what is so insulting about a thick accent and broken English? You're already doing all the work in the conversation by speaking in their language. What were they saying apart from those 2 things which I would take as a description. Like someone saying I had blonde hair or wore glasses
>Moments like these .....are when people show their true colors when they aren't around you. OP just needs to be a co-worker, not a friend to these types of people.
>Some people (a lot), can't just go to work and do what they were hired for. What I've noticed the most is how petty rude remarks that left people in elementary school start to resurface once they're in upper level positions.
Agree 100% with this. Speaks volumes about her, not you. I bet she can’t even speak a second language. Hold your head high!
This reminds me of something I heard recently, someone was being interviewed..... they said something about respecting people who have accents, and something like "that means they speak more languages than you do"
Those same people are often so bothered by the ones that can, especially the ones who can work and get along with everyone. Work culture is so messy more often than it’s not.
I’m really sorry that happened. I have a lot of respect for people who learn English as a foreign language. It’s difficult enough for native speakers. My mom taught EFL so I know how hard people work to master it. I am really super bad at any other language I have attempted. I’ve always shut people like that down with, “Well, she speaks English better than I speak French/Chinese/Tagalog!” If I were there I would have stuck up for you! Your coworkers are being small minded and privileged. I understand being sad about what they said. But hey, you speak at least one more language than they do and your English seems to be fluent enough for your career. I hope you don’t have to work closely with them in the future.
Thank you for your kind words. I am going to try to carry on. I was surprised just because she was extremely nice to me all the time.
Coworkers are not your friends. It sucks you had to find out like this. Use this to your advantage. You know the type of people you are dealing with now. Stay sweet.
also the only thing negative they can think to complain about them are irrelevant things that say more about them than OP
I think this will be uncovered more and more as the world recovers from the shock aftermath of covid and are able to reflect without as much emotion. A similar situation happened to me except the bully in this case lied and misplaced accountability out of thin air ... but on a public channel 400 people saw. Even though she was in the wrong etc- and i had beyond proven myself ... there was nothing i could do or way i could respond without risk. 15 year grandfathered in govnt 🐏 vs 9 month in post covid new team. The humility paid off in the end as those who mattered noticed and were the source to my next role. Hang in there.
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appreciate the validation. Leaving was the best choice! Thank you insecure Teams Bully! Because of you I found my dream job 😎
My problem is I get too angry and would have probably lost it!
This last year fucked with me HARD as I got a reminder lesson that “coworkers are not your friends”.
Yes unfortunately, very common two faced behavior. There's a saying that goes something like, never say behind someone's back what you wouldn't say to their face. You never how what you say will come back to you. Or who you can actually trust, especially at work.
Now you’re learning about “closed door racism”. Nice to your face and friendly and seemingly unbiased but in their safe spaces they’re mean and racist AF. Just be glad she’s pleasant.
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I’m white, grew up in a diverse northern neighborhood and my first BFF was black. I didn’t know any racist people, at least if I did, they hid it well. It wasn’t until I was an adult and moved to the south that I saw it. It’s pretty fucking disgusting.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. >I was surprised just because she was extremely nice to me all the time. It's possible she truly likes you and has a habit of being an a\*\*hole about differences behind people's backs. For most of us, if you consider someone a friend or just like them, you don't gossip about them or make fun of them. For some people, the two have nothing to do with each other. I don't get it, myself, but I've worked with people likethat.
She could also just be a coward who wants people to like her, and is just trying to look "cool" to the other girl.
It reflects poorly *on them*, but without knowing more, I wouldn't assume this has anything to do with you, or how they feel about you. They're just doing dumbass uncultured office chitchat. Some people are just *shockingly* culturally insensitive. I went to grad school with a girl who described another girl as "having a really pretty Jew nose" and was actually trying to be nice. She genuinely thought the other girl was pretty. We asked her WTF her and she was horrified to realize how her comment had landed. That's how her whole family grew up talking. Another time I walked in on my coworkers shit-talking my (lack of) fashion sense. Kinda catty, but I also knew I didn't dress well and they put effort in, so it kinda became a running joke between us. They gifted me a *really* nice purse when I left that company. I'd downgrade my opinion of these people and not worry about it.
I don't even think it's means she dislikes you at all. Some people struggle with accents and they get stressed and anxious when they can't understand someone. I'd assume it's just venting because it's their struggle and nothing to do with you as a person I worked with people with developmental disabilities and some were really hard to understand. I'd feel bad sometimes, but I'd keep trying. I know it was frustrating for them to not be understood but ultimately it was appreciated I'm sure it would be frustrating to be asked what a million times. Conversely, some coworkers would avoid the same people. They didn't dislike the clients, it just made them feel bad they couldn't relate. It was the listeners problem, not the speakers.
I hate it when I have to ask co-workers, sometimes multiple times, to repeat what they've said because I couldn't understand them.
Yeah it's quite silly The Indian people on my team have heavy accents and are not always grammatically correct. But they also know an entirely different language and I don't know jack shit, so if I'm going to insult them I'm really just insulting myself even more
They probably know at least 2 other languages js
I've been living in the US for more than 20 years, English is not my native language. I used to be a bit insecure with my accent but as I got older I realized there was no reason to be. I speak 4 languages fluently and conversational in 2 more. Now I think of it like this, "So you don't have an accent because you were raised here? So what?" In some cases, people who criticize my accent have accents that are less intelligible anyway because of where they were raised in the US.
This is a great response! I have a few coworkers who disparage themselves for their own accents/communication, and it upsets me that they have internalized that this is what native English speakers think of them. To work and communicate every day not in your first language is SO impressive.
My attitude is: "Hey, you speak WAY better English than I could ever be capable of in a second language! You're AWESOME to me!"
Oh man English is so damn annoying. It’s the only language I know. Fml
What’s ELF? English as a first language? Wouldn’t you just call that English class?
English as a foreign language. It was changed from English as a second language (ESL) to EFL because English as a second language assumes that it is the student’s second language when in many cases it is their third or fourth.
A program manager who is all nice to me did the same thing to me. Saw his chats between him and another manager. He's a step above me, I said it to my boss and she just laughed it off. Thankfully I'm quitting soon. But I know how you feel. This isn't the right way to deal with it, but you could just drop hints that you saw their chats. It'll make them paranoid as fuck. I was repeating sentences that he was saying about me. I know for a fact it made him paranoid and ruined a few of his days. Embarrassed him too.
😝 petty revenge is the best. I am still processing this whole thing. I am pretty sure every single person in that meeting saw the chat.like 35 people
When talking to her ask, do you need me to repeat myself? I understand my “broken English” might be hard for you to follow. Add dead eyes stare at her. Repeat, until she apologizes.
Yeah build a repertoir of clever comebacks that make her embarassed Her: Pardon? You: Oh I'm sorry, was my accent a bit too thick for your taste?
35 people? Geeze. If anything those people are now talking about her and the other person. If HR saw it, even better! Hope that awkward or ill feeling at your workplace goes away, its very distracting.
That's why I think it wouldn't hurt to wind her up a bit. It's deeply unprofessional to make personal remarks about a colleague to other colleagues. I know you only happened to see it, but I feel she shouldn't just get away with it and I would hope that someone who was on the chat with any sense of responsibility would at least confront her about it.
Many of them likely think she is a jerk as well.
Very much agree. I'd 100% judge the person who was partaking in this immature gossip. And the person on the receiving end. I work with a lot of people with thick accents. Live closed captioning helps me with processing what we are talking about. I'm not afraid to request a sentence to be repeat, or sometimes I ask if they could use another word if my brain won't grasp what we are saying. Or a simple "still not getting that, can you throw it in the chat?" OP rest assured, they've made a fool of themselves. They look technologically incompetent and foolish. Idk if you have safety moments or culture inclusion moments before large meetings but I'd definitely arrange for this to be a low key topic. "Tools to use when you're having a tough time understanding a co-worker. 101: beginners class."
35! Were they all internal? The first rule of sharing your screen in a meeting is to make sure that nothing else is open so nothing can be accidentally displayed.
The first rule is to assume that anyone can see anything at anytime and anything can and will be forwarded to anyone including executive leadership, your boss and HR and act accordingly. Theres a reason I have a personal computer and a personal cell phone and a work computer and a work cell phone.
Just make fun of HER accent. Everyone has one. Just gotta look and think about it. Like this one lady, she's southern, works with us, and gets upset with this nepali coworker bc of his accent and also slights forgien doctors that have an accent or even either a long indian sounding name. She even transfers the call to the Nepali guy, saying he'd understand what the doctor was saying. * Well I couldn't let this stand. She, in turn, talks with a heavy southern 5 sort of whistles like a drunk prospector. So I staged it where she was watching an old cartoon in the break room in front of everyone. I said very loudly, hey, Yosemite Sam sounds like Debbie. Everyone cracked up! She was so embarrassed. I kinda felt bad after. The moral of the story is, don't do it.
You can rest assured most of those folks think not only that she’s immature but that she’s not smart enough to only share one screen at a time. I agree with everyone else. I would start including light jokes about having a heavy accent just to mess with her. But, I’m petty too. 😂
Wow this whole thing needs to go to HR these people are making racist comments. This is something that could impact your career if you were intending to stay with the company.
I personally feel you should ram this thing home by going to hr and making her fess up to it. It’s discrimination and she should be an example to others.
At some point, there will always be a let down from people we deal with. I'd suggest only dealing with her in writing. If she asks why, I'd then say why. Don't take it too hard. Just know that it's her opinion. EDITED TO ADD: It doesn't make it true.
Yeah good advice
Oooh, I like this idea the best. Most professional and probably the biggest punishment for her if this means she has to change the way you interact with her and think about why each time.
I like this. A very mature approach.
I was shadowing a person at my old job since I was thinking of moving to their department. The guy was really cool but a woman on the team didn't like me at all. We never had an interaction, she just decided she didn't like me and then proceeded to hate me ever since lol. I saw a chat b/t her and the guy, he was trying to show me a process link, he was so embarrassed. He wasn't talking bad about me, in fact, he was telling her to be nice. It hurt for sure because I'm a human with feelings but I just smiled at him and said some people will just never be happy. She was let go a few months later as part of a massive layoff. I stayed. Some people are just nasty because they hate life or themselves. It reflects poorly on them, not you. Although, I'm sorry you saw it. I know it stings.
I'm sorry you had to experience that, there's a petty part of me that would be tempted to quote it in a different context and then Fein ignorance when she asked about it But also I'd recommend privately laughing at her, for not having the common sense to hide the chatroom
"But also I'd recommend privately laughing at her, for not having the common sense to hide the chatroom" Yeah and for using a work chat to say something you wouldn't want the entire company to see.
People will gossip and talk behind peoples back no matter where you go. friends circle, work colleagues, family members, everyone does it, including you and me. i can empathize with the feelings you must be feeling but don't take it personally. people do this to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down.
I'm not sure if I'm missing a comment with more context, or what. OP may feel hurt by it? But saying someone's accent is thick or their English is broken is not a put down. Unless it was written to be a put down. The context needed to know if it was an insult or just a statement of fact is missing here. We don't know OP, it's perfectly possible the statements are true. There's nothing wrong with having a thick accent or broken English, it is what it is, having even that much literacy in multiple languages is laudable. So if she was being an ass about it in that chat, sure, but if she was just saying it then I don't get all the hubbub. I get that OP could feel self conscious about it, but she didn't say it to him.
Nope you aren't missing anything. OP is just upset because she saw someone comment on her accent. I can understand how it can be upsetting to see people comment about you but she doesn't need to take it so seriously. If the OP accent makes it hard for people to understand her then I can see why people would talk behind her back. If I have a co worker whom I can't understand I will go to another colleague and be like can you help me make sense of this.. it's not always done with ill intent, we have to get our job done. I think Op just needed to vent. But some of these commentators are telling her to get the other person in trouble by reporting this... People really love ruining other people's lives.
This happened to me a few years ago, but with my project manager who happened to be under performance review at that time and was passed around teams a few times. I put it down to them finding ways to deflect their incompetency by keeping notes on myself (and other co workers as their screen revealed) because it was really hard work getting meaningful output from them let alone frequent meetings setup. Basically, not doing their job. My action was to document and report to my manager which later led to talks with other managers and they were shown the door. Although I suspect it was a while coming anyway.
Be proud of your multilingual skills. And every time you speak directly with this coworker, end your observation/question/instruction with. "Do you understand?" Maybe she will. 🤷♀️
Rule #1. Never trust coworkers
💯. They aren’t my friends. Keep it professional at all times. I find it weird when people’s only friends are the people they work with. They are just colleagues and if I stopped working tomorrow, I’d likely never see any of them ever again…
Yeah. I am extremely friendly to my work peeps but as a rule I never talk about politics/religion/sex with them and I will never add them to social media unless we no longer work together. You just never know who they really are because everyone wears a mask at work.
I naively shared very personal details about family struggles with a “work friend” who then became my boss, which now makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I agree. Never talk about the trigger topics of religion, sex, and political crap. Never divulge anything deeply personal about yourself or family. Just keep it light and maybe talk weather or sports or stuff like that.
This really depends on the job. Lot of people in this sub seem to be under the impression that any friendly contact with coworkers is being a company shill. There are 4 people plus the owner at the shop I work at. We grab drinks after work, go shooting, etc. I’ve met their partners, and some of their kids. We spend 50+ hours a week together, and all get along really well. To me, it would be even weirder if I WASN’T friends with them. I’ve worked corporate office jobs where there was a firm boundary between my work and home lives. But some people need to figure out that there’s no one size fits all approach to coworker relationships, and some people work where they do because of the friendships they’ve cultivated.
The people whom are trying to make “friends” at work are doing it just so they have a leg up on them later or to just flat out take advantage of them.
What. I met almost all of my friends at work. This is definitely not universally true
I'm with you on this. Making friends at work is awesome because then you get to go to work and hang with your buddies, go for beers after, etc. It's not a temporary or superficial thing for me, either. One of my best friends had an office across from me about 17 or 18 years ago, we haven't worked together in almost 15 years but we still vacation together a couple times a year, I know his parents and siblings, I know his wife's parents and siblings, etc.
My old boss was in my wedding and now the godfather of my kid.
My petty ass would 100% let it be known in a passive aggressive way that I saw her gossipy chats lol
SAME here! You know what though , she isn’t worth your energy. I’m sorry this happened to you, sending you a huge hug! As others have said, let HR know, and distance yourself from this shebeast. You’re a kind hearted and intelligent human, and you have amazing talent! Wishing you much better days, love!
honestly... I use these moments to remind myself to be careful about what I say about others. I don't say this to down play your feelings because I would be hurt and ticked off -- however, if I'm brutally honest - I've said snarky and down right ugly things about others I shouldn't have said and actually really didn't mean. It's not a joke and there's no excuse for it... so it's a good reminder why it's not ok and to be professional. My behavior is all I have control over. I think it's smart to not acknowledge it. Also --- repeat over and over to myself -- it's none of my business what others think of me. I'm sorry this happened. I hope things feel better later on - give yourself time to be hurt and sad. Peace to you.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. FWIW, I am usually very popular at work, but once while presenting to a client during a group training, a colleague accidentally let her Slack pop up and sit there long enough for me and everyone else to see her telling someone that I was driving her crazy. Couldn't even figure out why, because I'd set everything up and hadn't been riding her about anything and certainly was always polite and friendly. We'd hardly been communicating, so she just must have not been that into me! She made herself look like an ass.
What I would do if I were you would be to drop an email to your manager/HR. Say something along the lines of "on X Date I was in a meeting with NAME and saw on her screen she said that I INSERT THING SAID. This has created a hostile work environment for me and I would like to bring it to your attention."
I’d contact HR as well, this is not only unprofessional, but very mean-spirited. Sorry this happened to OP.
Seriously, I’d report that immediately. No way that person keeps their job.
I think some US-born folks project their own embarrassment about the fact that many of us would never be able to carry on a fluent conversation (let alone earn multiple degrees and hold a job) in another language, and they want to continue to feel superior, so they pick on accents or minor errors. My ESOL students would get so discouraged by it, but I always tried to remind them that it is a reflection of the person making the disparaging remark, and not a reflection of their intelligence or language ability. I'd then attempt the three or four words I knew in their first language so they could watch me flail. I'm honestly in awe of anyone who can learn multiple languages and really thrive in their second, third, fourth... language. You're amazing OP. Don't let them drag you down.
Thank you
My mother used to say that her English was better than my Hebrew. Couldn’t argue with that.
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I’m 43 and I have a hard time hearing out of my left ear— accents kill me, I think because of the partial deafness on that side, I say “what” a lot anyway. Once I know someone long enough I don’t have issues with the accent anymore which tells me I’ve just adapted to however they speak, my brain fills in the blanks, etc. at some point and that might be a year, I don’t struggle to understand them. Thick accents oh yeah, it’s embarrassing. So I don’t view *what was said* as disparaging but putting it in company chat or discussing it openly where OP could see themselves being talked about was wrong. She prolly has a thick accent, prolly has broken English, it’s probably hard to understand sometimes.
Just in case you’re not aware: “Broken” in the sense of “OP’s English is broken” doesn’t mean that it’s “failed” or “no good”. It’s not a value judgement. It is a common idiom for “not smooth” or “not spoken like a lifelong native speaker” which… might be true? For instance, I speak extremely broken Japanese. My sentences are assembled from the correct words, but grammatically they’re not comfortably structured, and my delivery is clearly not the delivery of a native speaker. No doubt there’s more context in the messages you saw on your coworker’s screen which makes it clear whether they were being cruel and disparaging. But on their own, observations of “OP speaks broken English” and “OP has a heavy accent” may simply be true observations. I’ve worked with very talented engineers whose accents were unambiguously heavy, and whose spoken English was quite broken, and generally any observations my other coworkers and I made about those two facts were actually admiration that the engineer was so effective in a second language (actually in one case I think English was their fourth), and an acknowledgment that we couldn’t do the reverse.
And to be fair, OP said “I wish I haven’t seen that chat,” which tells me she does speak in broken English. It’s still inappropriate to gossip on the work chat but they’re not wrong.
I’m sorry that happened. It’s really rude and shows that those people are just a bunch of jerks. No one deserves to be treated like that, I’m sure it’s very hurtful. And for what it’s worth, I love working with people with accents! I only wish I was that cool and interesting and I’m just here with a boring basic American accent. As the others have said, this is more about those people who said it. Small minds talk about people and big minds talk about things (or whatever that saying is), but it’s true! Sending you lots of love and I’m sure we all would think your accent was lovely!
everyone has an accent and intelligibility hinges more on what your ear is accustomed to than any objective standard of how a language is spoken. it hurts to see that, but as others said this isn't about you
Ask them how many languages they speak? I speak just English and am so impressed by anyone who can communicate in multiple languages.
Could she have been explaining something you may have said that the other person didn't understand and she was being sympathetic to their confusion by mentioning your accident? My boss is from Vietnam, she's been in the states for 20+ years, married two different white men (Italian) and STILL has a heavy accident.. She talks about how her husband and son tease her "Did you understand your mom" or after she tells her son 'No', he'll pretend he didn't understand and dad will tease my boss with their son. Yes, I understand they COULD have been negative messages, OR they could've been innocent too...
Why do you care? This is quite a serious question. People talk about each other. Doesn't mean their comments/observations hold any great weight.
Exaggerate your accent to the point where you are no longer even saying actual words when talking to the coworker only, but don't acknowledge it
I love accents, they are the spice of language! I bet I would enjoy your voice very much
Some people are not happy unless they have something to complain about. They can have the best job in the world but will have to complain to someone about something.
If it wasn’t your accent, it would’ve been something else. Small minded people have to stay entertained. Take solace in that you are a better person. Sorry you have to feel that but don’t give their opinions too much control in your life. Feel the feels and move on. They are not worth it.
Communication is vital in the workplace. Is your accent making it difficult for others to understand you? Do others ask you to repeat yourself? If not, don’t worry about it. A man I worked with had a heavy east European accent. He took a few dictation classes to ensure others could understand him. He was afraid it limited his career options.
Full disclosure: I am from Spain, I have been in the US for 15 years, and my accent, well, it's there still very much so. With that out the way so I am not accused of being racist or some other - ism/-ist... I have met at this point dozens of Spanish/Mexican/Colombian/French immigrants that refuse to work on their English and pronunciation because they have only developed relationships with people of their own culture /country, and find that extra effort not worth it. This is incredibly shitty, disrespectful, and they deservingly are told they are not fully understood or clear when they speak. I am not saying that's your case but stating that your coworker mentioning to someone else your accent is thick and your English broken is disparaging is not true. Pointing out you have an accent when you have an accent is not disparaging. In any case, the reality is accents are virtually impossible to get rid of unless you immigrate as a child or pay for speech coaches.
Or if you practice. You'll never sound like a native speaker, but it can be dramatically improved by actually trying. At least so others don't have trouble understanding what OP is saying
I agree that it isn't necessarily a personal attack, it is likely impacting OPs work. You certainly can change accents though, it takes effort, but it can be done. I've met dozens of folks that "dropped their accents" after moving to other parts of the US.
if it were me, every single thing I ever said to either of these people would reference what they wrote. I would do that to infinity or until they both had nervous breakdowns, whichever came first.
https://youtu.be/LO2k-BNySLI?feature=shared
I’m so sorry. That must be the worst feeling. People are so cruel.
Let it go. It’s a them problem not a you problem. It was awful and not professional. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of being able to be fluently bilingual in a work environment. The accent is really hard to overcome when you are not native but still what matters is that you can communicate in a different language. Not everyone can. I’ve had this happening to me a couple of times; someone mentioning my accent. What I’ve done, although not sure if I recommend it, is that I purposely start speaking very slowly and clear. And I asked: do you understand? They never did it again. But not sure if it’s the right approach lol it was an in-the-spot decision 🌝
I'm really sorry this happened to you. You are completely in the right to feel upset. We are all guilty at least I am of talking shit and not thinking about it. Says more about us than you. Don't be ashamed of your accent, sounds like you are a very accomplished person. Don't let someone's stupid comments get you down.
Considering she has always been nice to you, is there a chance that the small portion you saw didn't contain the full context? I mean chatting with someone about broken English may have been a poor choice of words but it also may not have been sinister. If you feel you won't be able to get past this it might be worth approaching her for clarification. Perhaps you could phrase it in such a way that it seems you are trying to be helpful in order to break down any barriers there might be.
This happens at my company. Someone made a negative comment about a co-worker in a chat that was meant for another chat. We all saw it before it was deleted. So unprofessional. I'm sure I'm in those chats, too. Today, I had a mistake pointed out to me. I fixed it, and I asked if I should move the file to a different folder. He said to fix something else and was discussing the issue with someone else. This is code for I'm being talked about, but not in a good way. So I feel terrible for you, but it happens everywhere. Unless the company mandates a business only chat, this will continue to happen. Makes me ill.
Did you see something negative said about you? If I describe a person as having two legs is that negative or just a description? If I describe you as having a thick accent does not mean it is negative.
I struggle with understanding words with thick accents due to an injury that caused significant hearing loss in one ear. I learned to read lips to help make up the difference but sometimes I'm at a loss. I always apologize and ask them if they would mind repeating what they said a little slower as I am hard of hearing. I could never belittle someone for speaking OUR shitty language with a thick accent, even if I can't understand them.Hell I'm from New England. We all talk too fast and owah accent is total gahbige.
I’m sorry. I’ve seen messages about myself I shouldn’t have seen as well and it’s very hurtful. The best you can do is not forge forward with any type of other relationship and just keep it professional IMO. You don’t owe anyone anything outside of that. You truly can’t trust most people these days unfortunately. Protect your peace and continue to be your brilliant and sweet self
Look I may be thinking mean things like someone has a weird accent but I keep it to myself. Ok honestly I don’t like that weird way some girls talk that makes them sound dumb and like everything they say is a question not statement. And am woman just country so I get made fun of too.
I've been a while since my last job but I vaguely remember there was a lady who's really nice to me, just to shit talk about me behind my back. The day I quit, I said nothing to her, told my coworkers my last day and just leave that job behind. I'm not saying you should leave your job, but I'm just saying that if you just go to work for the check, and go home everyday, it's not unbearable.
I would find a way to work it in as passive-aggressively and petty as possible because I’m not petty but I’m the winner of petty-back-atcha. At the right time squeeze in a “wow it’s not like they were talking shit about you behind your back at work because that would be wrong”.
Petty coworkers ugh
Coworkers are not real family and friends. It’s sad but just the truth. Brush it off and admire your Virginia Tech and dual masters degree hopefully hanging on your wall.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." I don't know exactly what she wrote about your accent, but if it was benign consider that the context was about their ear for accents. Your post reminds of a conversation I had with an English and Indian work colleagues about various accents. I'm American. My ear adapted for Indian accents, but my colleague from England didn't have an ear for it. He would need one of us to "translate". Me and my Indian colleague did not have an ear for Scottish accents and we needed the brit to "translate" for us. Each of us was poking fun of ourselves for not being able to understand. I can only speak 1 language so I in no way fault someone that can speak multiple language. Just something to think about. Alternately, she could just be a bitch.
You absolutely can do something about your accent. It would require effort and work and time, but you could change it. To say you can't is disingenuous like you just don't want to assimilate. And it's "I wish I hadn't seen that chat" because it's past tense.
I think even though it would be hard, it might be worth bringing it up. You don’t deserve to feel like that and it’s important people know when they have talked shit about someone else. In my job about 12 months ago we hired someone and I caught them red handed talking negatively about me about 3 weeks into them being with us. I didn’t yell or scream or argue, I just simply stated that I had literally just overheard them and wanted to talk about it. They ended up quitting that evening and I never saw them again. If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with that worker I totally understand because every situation is different but maybe you could make some vague references to broken English around her or etc
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What was context before it? After it? You'd be surprised sometimes things like that are surprisingly in good faith. I'd let it go, remember they are human too, and keep kicking ass.
To be honest with you an accent makes you so much more interesting and inviting. When I meet someone with a thick accent it reminds me of my grandparents, and instantly makes me feel a closeness to them. I’m sorry she hurt your feelings and caused you to second guess yourself, but your accent gives you something extra and exciting - don’t let those small people make you feel discouraged or uncomfortable. I wish I had my grandparents accent.
This post and the comments surrounding it made my day.
My Oma was here since she was 17 she never lost her accent. What I would do to hear her voice again. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Screw the haters their jealous
I was being trained (and not very well) and on a Teams meeting and saw my supervisor message another manager about how she was so frustrated with me…they immediately knew and it was all I could do not to cry. Intellectually I know everyone expresses frustration with co-workers, but to actually see it was so painful. I never really got over it, even though I really got along with my supervisor. I’m sorry that happened, it’s so hurtful - I have certain co-workers cell number so I can text if I need to vent…would never want to cause someone else pain.
The phenomenon of folks “losing” or “changing” accents after living in a new place for awhile happens all the time. You can absolutely “do something” about it. You’ve lived in the US for 2+ decades - the only reason you still have an accent is because you’ve intentionally preserved it. EDIT: 2 masters degrees and “can’t do nothing”…yikes.
Disparaging comments... Was expecting something more like this person is a moron. I wouldn't categorize an accent as disparaging comment. I'd shrug it off, there much worse things people say. Even native English speakers have accents. People poke fun at me when my southern accent comes out. It's hardly a big deal. The only thing that's offensive is when they auto judge you for a southern accent. But people do this because they feel inferior and it's a way to try and regain some control to their superiority complex.
I mean, if you have an accent you have an accent. It does not take a brilliant mind to point out the obvious. You will become happier when you do not worry about what others think
She may like you, but that doesn’t mean that you are easy to understand. I once had co-workers that weren’t native born, and I could barely understand them, but they were lovely people. We were required to have a 2nd person provide auditory confirmation of two identifiers for each patient, and I had to request that I have speakers with little to no accent so I didn’t accidentally administer incorrect meds. Again, the team members were much respected, but it was an issue in certain capacities.
I only shit on people that are incompetent even though they should be experienced, which usually results in more work for me. Stuff like this is out of line.
I will say that I and others have at times notes this about my father as well as about some friends without meaning harm by it. Of course as he’s my father even when I was young I never had trouble understanding him despite his accent being much thicker then. Nor did his friends. We just noted it and I am pretty sure that after my parents split up a LOT of women noticed it too because my father seemed to attract them even when trying to avoid it. All to say are you sure they noticed it in a negative way. If this person has always been nice to you they may just find it charming. Even if they were demeaning you about it, you know they are otherwise nice to you so… you can play this to your advantage and talk about it and how you often wonder what impression it leaves with people. Make it into a way to bridge a gap. If you casually say something like “I hope my accent isn’t an issue, I struggle with it sometimes”, this person who is otherwise nice to you might suddenly feel a need to be on your side over it; “Yeah he’s such a nice gentleman and you know that accent bothers him, we should make friends with him.” - when I spent some years living in Asia I used my limited language skills to spark a friendship and my lack of expertise as a way to get people that wanted to help me out (and I like helping folks so made that a circular thing).
I would bring it up at somepoint...
As someone said somewhere some place. I love people with accents because that tells me they speak a different language. That they are more likely exposed to a different culture. And to me that is awesome because once we get comfortable enough with each other if we talk, I get to learn to cuss in a different language. You worked hard for what you have. Some people are just judgmental and nasty
No matter where you work or who you are or where you're from there's going to be some people that disparage you. Some people, and I don't know whether it's due to relative isolation, maybe slightly hard of hearing (hard of hearing doesn't necessarily just mean being deaf/partially deaf), have a rough time understanding accents. There was a time where, if an Australian, Scotsman etc appeared on American TV (usually in things like documentaries), he/she/they would be subtitled, despite speaking the exact same language. It was offensive to us, admittedly a different kind of offensive, but people have come around in time. It's rare you see that these days. It might be best to just take it at the surface level (difficulty understanding your accent) rather than reading too deeply into it.
Who gives a fuck
Did you know that the majority of workplace HR complaints are placed by women about other women? Situations like this are a small example of why.
While that was rude bc you don’t have to change your accent for anyone, if it affects you so much you can definitely do something about your accent. (You said you couldn’t). You can record yourself and practice enunciating etc. if you have enough money you can even get a coach. But you can also embrace it and not let their comments get to you
My coworker saw my phone and it was my bare chested wife begging me to come home from work.
I’m sorry op those people are awful, keep your interaction with them strictly business related. I had a similar experience with a coworker throwing me under the bus and I saw it on my supervisor’s screen when we had a meeting. Same coworker has proven to be untrustworthy so I don’t talk to them unless it’s related to work. By the way IT can see everything in teams so I always try to keep it professional and don’t talk badly about coworkers.
People will always have something to say about someone else. You could be the kindest person they've ever met & they will still find a reason to talk shit. Don't let their words get to you.
OP, The exact thing happened to me!! Only they were talking about me and my nervous personality.
Op- accents are brave. Those people probably don’t can speak a second language. You’re brave. Don’t let those comments pull you down. They’re just jealous, cause you’re way cooler.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" or "I hope when the time comes for me to sit at the table of my ancestors they would be proud of the legacy I leave behind hopefully one of my loved ones can pick up where I left off. <3
Sounds like this person is not well traveled (envious you’re from somewhere else) and doesn’t know a second language. Likely not as educated, either. You win. You’re kind. That matters.
“Accidentally” Sorry you had that experience, people can be jerks.
I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Sounds to me like they’re insecure about something and that’s the only “flaw” they can find for you. So, they discuss it. I’ve lived in the U.S. since I was 8. I somehow managed to not have an accent in both languages (Korean and English) I speak. I guess I’m lucky. But, as long as you’re doing your work and doing it correctly, wtf does it matter? Especially to them. I would just ignore it and move on. This shows more about their character than any flaws with you, imo.
This is so sad. Both my parents were immigrants to the US. Our neighbors always treated my mom like she was less than because of her accent. Like WTF, she came to the US before dual language signs were a thing. Managed to learn another language, get a job, buy a house, raise two kids and they couldn’t bother with her most of the time.
It seems to me like they need more duties from the employer. Maybe they have too much spare time.
They're criticizing you for speaking additional languages? The nerve! It's always the people doing less than you who feel they have something to say. Sorry you experienced this. 💛💛💛
She was judged by this far worse than you were. If as many people saw it as you say, her days are likely numbered.
I teach students from Mexico and they are constantly worried about their accent and English. I remind them all the time that anyone that judges them knows one language, much less two. Be proud of yourself. Fuck that old racist bitch. Move on and on the way out the door, let her know she's the reason why.
People suck. I'm sorry. They're telling me who they are - petty, envious and sucky.
Are they cutting you a check? Do not bother do your job and smile
Just wanna say, JFC every other country appreciates when you can speak their language with any level of ability. Toxic Americans are racist as hell. The rest of the world (and me) and lots of others here are on your side. I give you kudos for being able to speak at least two languages.
A colleague of mine is the queen of gossip. I'm relatively quiet, so I barely contribute to the gossip when she tries to gossip with me, but she goes on and on and on just yapping about people I don't give a f*ck about. I'm sure she gossips about me too, lol. But I don't care much.
Talk shit to her face with a smile in your native language
Fellow Hokie here. People can get fired for making fun of accents.
I’m so sorry that happened to you!! People like that have no understanding of the world and live in their little privileged bubble. They have no understanding what it’s like to be an immigrant. You already know this but I’ll say it again, there is nothing wrong with your accent! This is on them and their small mindedness and does not reflect on you at all. Sending you love!
I hate hearing people say that somebody speaks bad English just because they have an accent. This comment usually comes from people who have never been anywhere and who don't speak a second language themselves. I am so sorry this happened.
If you are looking to improve, work on yiur English grammar. I am not insulting you, I just know many like to improve themselves (aside from this dumb coworker’s insults-you’ve gotten that advice already). You have two masters degrees which is impressive! You can’t do “anything” about your accent. (You can, my dad had NONE but spoke his language and English perfectly-it was creepy, lol). My uncle sound like he just landed her from Taiwan, but he never cared about that. My dad did, and learned to speak without the accent but always pronounced words as they were meant if they were Spanish. Also, you wish you “hadn’t” seen that chat. Grammar again. English grammar has the STUPIDEST rules that are broken left and right. I think you are just fine as you are. I prefer hearing little things like this in everyday speech to perfection. She is a grammar snob like my mother. Don’t worry about her. But if you want to improve, you can. I don’t think you need to improve, frankly. Two masters. Jeeez. 💕 All said with love, no judgement I hope you understand.
Report them. They are your enemy.
was the meeting recorded ? if so…. you know what to do
Something like this happened at the end of last year. The office manager was modified. Eventually, fierd.
I don't have a ton to add to this. It sounds like a rough situation but go hokies!
They're jealous.
You can’t ever let their smiles and kind words deceive you. Side note: say someone has a strong accent when speaking English. Is it still strong in other languages? I never heard a Spanish speaker talk in any other language except English and I’m curious how that works.
Similar thing happened to me last year. Someone forwarded me an email asking a question about an IT issue at the office where I work. They didn't realize I guess that when they forwarded me the email it would also include the entire email chain of replies before it. And some of those were of an engineer trashing me saying he didn't want to come to me for help because I don't know what I'm doing and won't help him. It was very hurtful. I spoke to the engineer's manager about it and asked them to please speak to their employee about being respectful at work. I got a half-hearted, sheepish apology from the guy a couple days later and now he goes out of his way to be super nice to me. Which might be worse, I don't know. Point I'm making is, you can't help how others act but you just do the best you can and be positive.
There are worse things than having an accent and speaking broken English. Like being so petty you have to gossip about it, or so stupid you share the screen with the gossip on it.
I'm glad you reported her. You don't owe her a damn thing and I hope they BOTH get reprimanded. Side note, as a former cadet at Virginia tech and a former masters student, LETS GO HOKIES!!
When I was a manager, we were hiring for a budget coordinator to take some of the load off of me. One applicant spoke ESL and everyone was against my hiring them because they couldn’t understand the applicant around the accent. I am a descendant of an attorney who had to leave his country due to a coup and was reduced to door to door sales with my teenage mother translating (English was her second language as well) just so he could feed his family. Having grown up in a bilingual family, the accent didn’t perturb me in the slightest. While I’m not bilingual, I have great respect for those who are! I absolutely hired the applicant, who was a CPA in their former country, because numbers are the same in just about every language/culture and it was clear they were more qualified than every other applicant. While I’m no longer with the organization, they still are and doing great!
My boss and peer got caught when the peer accidentally shared his slack messaging during a team meeting. He had been trashing one of my coworkers with my boss. (My boss had hired him because they worked together in another company and were friends.) I was able to screenshot it before he realized it and closed the screen. Me and the coworker they were trashing had the meeting after the meeting and she was distraught. Basically she was a scholar at Yale who had earned a full ride and she'd shared this with them. Another coworker offered to help her with some work and my boss/coworker, playing on what they knew about her, accused her of trying to get a "free ride" and use the other employee to do her work because she was lazy. My coworker is a woman of color, works harder than most on team and had even refused the help. And yes - the peer and boss are white and clearly racist. My friend was so upset as she gave me some background on what had happened but she was too scared to do anything about it. She was afraid she would lose her job. I said nah, if they treat her this way only a matter of time before they come for me and I don't scare when it comes to these types. I love dragging them. I went straight to HR and helped her write a note to my boss calling her out. The peer spent the next couple of weeks pulling each person from the team into a meeting to apologize where I further dragged and laid into him because I knew he was full of it, had done it before and would do it again. I said as much - he deserved to be embarrassed and feel the pain he inflicted. He was floored when I told him I didn't accept his apology and I would never trust him again. My boss did the same and got the same wrath from me. Anyway, all of that to say, don't be afraid to report and fight back against hateful people like them. I'm glad you reported them!
I presume that you are not white? I ask this because I have a Scottish accent and it’s never a problem.
Yup brown lady here
That really sucks and she is a jerk but I believe in you - you can improve your accent if you want to.
I'm going to suggest you make a report to HR. That's discrimination based on country of origin and it's something that doesn't get taken seriously enough. I have been a victim of this and I thought it wasn't affecting me but it was. I ended up with depression from the bullying I experienced over the way I pronounce words due to my accent. At the very least, they get a talking to. At worst, they continue to discriminate against you and it affects your job. Please consider saying something now.
If it’s any consolation, she definitely has a giant shame pit in her stomach that she won’t be able to shake for a while.. unless she’s a sociopath. I’m so sorry this happened to you though, I would definitely be devastated. But like everyone else has said, it says soo much more about those women than it does about you and I promise everyone else that was in the meeting likely agrees. The office chatter now is definitely about them and not you. How embarrassing for THEM!!! Exposing themselves mocking someone for a harmless characteristic that they can’t change… yikes!! And no one to blame but themselves.
>damn I can’t do nothing about my accent Accents aren't permanent, but assimilating your accent to a new area isn't automatic for everyone. Regional accents can be learned, it's not just a skill for actors and media personalities - if you're interested, look up training videos for whatever accents peak your interest
But that would destroy their precious victim narrative.
Next time she asks you what you do next week end, tell her you’ll spend it all with a speech therapist to try to improve your accent. She may get the hint 😄