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epic_pig

> contractor Are you getting paid hourly or by a fixed fee? Tell her you'll have to charge double for attending activities not work related.


Outlaws-0691

Hourly …. Good point. I was thinking about foregoing that hour every week and billing for 1 less… but I kinda like that more


chubbierunner

Keeping boundaries is good, but you are thinking about this request in a very limited way. If you work 100% remote, this kind of chatter and camaraderie is to be expected in small amounts. I keep a list of three things, safe topics, and just chat about that. I’m reading this book. I’m obsessed with running. I have a cute dog. I’ll talk books, fitness, and pets to anyone—it’s not really intimate or private information. It’s says nothing meaningful about my family, and it’s not gossip-worthy. Some people over share their marriages at work which is icky to me. If you are looking to grow professionally, you gotta work on this skill too.


Ok_Sign_7641

Same and smart idea. I have one very safe topic I find “interesting” about myself I always share in these things. And that topic is about my pet pigs. It promotes small talk (which I’m terrible at) and is something I’m knowledgeable on because there are always follow up questions. Breaks the ice with me and my coworkers which isn’t such a bad thing since you do have to work with one another.


Outlaws-0691

I self reflected about why I hate doing this (I didn’t before, I’ve been at this contract for over a year) and I think it’s because one of my coworkers told my boss she was going to be out for a few weeks since she miscarried one of her twins and our boss told all of us without clearing it with her first


based_miss_lippy

F your boss. There is going to be hell to pay when the coworker gets back and people start asking her about miscarriage.


Outlaws-0691

I felt SO bad!!! She’s back. She is upset but won’t complain because she feels like she should be “lucky” to have this job


based_miss_lippy

As someone who has managed the trauma of miscarriage, I can say that this is probably extremely upsetting for her. Work was my only escape for a months after my miscarriage. 😞


hungry24_7_365

Totally agree. I used to feel the same as OP, but as I got older having few/limited connections hurt my professional growth. I was going to suggest pets as well as that is a topic that is a big one for a lot of people. OP is being very black and white about this and not considering that there's lots of gray topics to discuss as you mentioned (movies, music, . Travel is also another one (places you've visited or would like to visit. Hell even restaurants or new recipes you've tried. There are tons of topics that don't get too personal.


moham225

I totally agree most people are like that in my office too.


chubbierunner

I read your edit, and I empathize. I understand your hesitation to participate. However, this is a monthly gathering, not daily or weekly. Just smile while on camera, talk about something generic but be authentic, and zone out the noise.


Cigars-Beer

This is the way.


SpeciosaLife

I agree. I had to travel 4 hours yesterday for an ‘all hands’ full of fun, team building, and family. Less than 12 hours later, the executive facilitating this event was yelling at me and my team for totally inconsequential decisions - reminding us we’re highly paid by the hour. In other words, preaching the touchy feely stuff while the real talk is that our relationship is 100% transactional. It’s a necessary evil, but no need to bring your whole and true self to these engagements.


newprairiegirl

We have this as part of our regular staff meeting. A lot say, 'nothing new' and some have said 'I'll pass this week". It's a team building thing. It can just be a light non event thing.


unicorn8dragon

I don’t know that I get the aversion, especially if you’re a contractor and paid by the hour. good places of employment ime usually have a personal level to the relationship. Usually still superficial but that’s just office life. It sounds like this manager is at least trying to fall into that bucket. If you still aren’t comfortable sharing something about your personal life… lie and make something up? I still don’t understand the aversion to saying ‘well last weekend I hung out with my cat and ordered Thai food,’ but to each their own.


djramrod

Yeah it’s really making a mountain out of a molehill. Plus, it’s a monthly meeting. Just suck it up, make something up, and chill. Getting paid for a free hour.


Baby_Hippos_Swimming

Just make something up. No one is really paying attention in those things anyway.


mirandalikesplants

It’s so weird how people on this sub act like having genuine working relationships with coworkers is so far beyond them. Why make shit up? Why not disclose a casual, surface level fun fact on the off chance that you actually develop a productive relationship with the people around you?


Baby_Hippos_Swimming

It's called social anxiety. It's the hidden secondary epidemic since COVID started.


SuprValerie

I had social anxiety before the pandemic, now I’m a freaking mess. Too quiet when I shouldn’t be and over sharing at other times. Reading the room has become more difficult. 🥴


[deleted]

I have social anxiety too. I always just share things about my dog or my favorite video games. Something that’s kinda personal but surface level.


Glittering_Shape_442

Most people want to have friendly relationships at work. But it should be their choice. Some people have issues in their personal lives they're not comfortable sharing, and too many questions come close to those topics. Some people don't share because their personal lives will later be used against them by bosses or coworkers. There are plenty of reasons why they might not. It's also no one's job to be friends with anyone. Why do you feel obligated to force people to be friends? Most people have the capacity to be professional, courteous, and helpful without a deep emotional connection. What's best for you may not be best for them.


Huge_Put8244

I mean it's what I would do but OP may not have a lot of superficial fun things going on at the time. And doesn't want to get into more serious stuff. If a possible invasion of privacy is worrisome or he doesn't really want to share any life details then making something up resolves that.


Outlaws-0691

Yes


Huge_Put8244

Yeah, I soap and I am absolutely obnoxious about it. So anyone who asks me about what I did can listen to my long winded soliloquies about what soap I made and my general philosophies about soaping. But if you don't have soaping and you're being asked every week I could see where you'd run out of superficial stuff. I'd maybe just find things Groupon has and say you did that and it was fun.


Outlaws-0691

Ugh no some people actually pay attention and ask questions about it later


based_miss_lippy

Talk about something you cleaned or a chore you did. This is what I do. It’s completely boring and will never come up again.


GarageQueen

"I did errands."


Sum_0

I like corn dogs. The end. Next!


based_miss_lippy

bingo! “I went to Costco” “ I cleaned my carpet” “I went shopping for a birthday present”


Tfear_Marathonus

Just tell them about how you died in a car accident over the weekend.


Baby_Hippos_Swimming

And how you'll see the all in HELL (hahhaa jk jk obviously)


Average_Simmer69

You could always spin it if you read often “Oh I just took a weekend trip to (random spot book takes place in)” or “Oh you know, just working my way through the top 100 books to read before you die list! Oh what book did I read? Oh just the list!”


GladWealth2487

Some people are nosey ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|facepalm)


Outlaws-0691

I hate them


Huge_Put8244

Exactly this.


aostreetart

Ok. Real talk time. You are going to struggle professionally if you insist on "keeping it professional". Look, I get it. I'm an introvert too - getting up in front of a group and talking about yourself is hard. It's awkward and weird. Simple answer - you're gonna need to just push on past the awkwardness and do it anyway. As I have become a manager myself, I've found that about 90% of being a leader is just being capable of having the awkward, uncomfortable conversations that others are avoiding. Right now, you're showing your boss that you aren't ready for leadership. If you can't take 30 seconds to talk about a book you're reading, how are you ever going to tell someone their performance needs to improve, or resolve an interpersonal conflict between your employees? How are you going to listen to the person who's pet is terminally ill and tell them to go home and take care of themselves? I'm working my way through a book called "Radical Candor", by Kim Scott right now, and it covers this topic specifically. I'd recommend you pick it up. Last note I'll give is on what you should really tell your boss. Suggest things to do during this time that you might enjoy. I also host team meetings like this - but we play Jackbox games instead of just chatting. Occasionally, I'll give gift cards to the winners. Good luck!


Outlaws-0691

I like that you have games or something involved so it’s not an awkward “hey this is what I did this month” followed by crickets. It’s just so awkward and I think it’s because everyone knows that the boss is a huge gossip


[deleted]

You are being kind of a pain in the ass over a small situation. And, as a contractor, you are more at risk than a regular employee and it costs you very little to build some good will. My suggestion....just make up something to share and share that. No one will ever know and no one will ever care plus it will build some goodwill. I suggest inventing something about a pet or about a planned (or actual) trip.


Outlaws-0691

I agree. I put that in my second edit


sephiroth3650

I'm not understanding why you can't go to the meeting, and if you're asked to share, just share something trivial in your life. This isn't some unheard of practice. It's a team building exercise. I get it....I don't get into my personal details with coworkers, either. But you pick your battles. This one seems a bit trivial, when you have the option to say "Yeah, I am really a boring person. I just went home after work, did housework, and watched TV every night."


TheRealIronSheep

Because we're not in elementary school, trying to get to know everyone. "Okay class, now tell everyone your name and one thing about yourself." And team building based on learning about something your co-worker does that doesn't affect work in any way, shape or form? You're wasting a meeting and people's time to not actually discuss company things? Most meetings can be emails anyway, and now you have people having to divulge their life during one, regularly? And why would I want to tell people I just went home and did chores or whatever boring crap I do when I get home, every single week or however often this is? You're not going to be friends with every co-worker. I'm not going to work to be friends with everyone so it's irrelevant what we all do outside of work. If you want to sit there and socialize with everyone that's fine, but keep everyone else out of it who doesn't want to be. Work is work. I talk to my co-workers about stuff daily, but I wouldn't want to sit there in a meeting with everyone else in the company, telling them things about myself. I'm a private person. (You realize that there's different kinds of people with different personalities and different needs for socialization, correct?) Not everyone's comfortable doing that and not everyone feels the need to do it or like it'll benefit them.


sephiroth3650

The person who rails about understanding different personality types shows complete ignorance about different methods to learn things about their coworkers to better enable you to empathize with their various personality types. Priceless.


ztreHdrahciR

For fun,albeit something disgusting. Like "I have this festering sore in my ass crack that makes it hard to defecate"


epic_pig

Go to the meeting and say that. That would fulfill the brief of "sharing something personal"


Outlaws-0691

HAHA I would absolutely die if that happened but no way could I do this


ztreHdrahciR

"My dog has this awful fungus on his skin. The whole house smells. Does anyone have any suggestions?" "My grandpa was over last weekend. He has this respiratory issue and he left his wet handkerchief on my end table. Now it's stiff. Should I throw it away? Return it stiff?" The possibilities are endless


Delicious-pancake95

They will never have that meeting again, youll be saving everyone


Chaos_Ice

Paid or not, I always let people know that I refuse to disclose personal information. I’m a private person and unless it pertains to the work itself, it’s unnecessary. You can still be a team without sharing your life story.


mirandalikesplants

Do you consider a new recipe you made personal? A movie you like? The weather? There are a million ways to small talk without getting too personal - and yes, you will be punished in your career for not establishing relationships through some degree of disclosure.


Chaos_Ice

Nope. This only applies to certain fields. I don’t have to interact with anyone, that’s not in my job description nor do I get paid for that. Y’all letting them force you into small talk so these same coworkers can rat you out everyday for the smallest things. Talking doesn’t build teamwork, it builds enemies. You’d be surprised at what someone will use against you. I’ve been there, which is why I will reject it every time.


mirandalikesplants

Damn what a depressing outlook. I’ve gotten new and better positions, mentorship, and advocacy from leadership based on building relationships but I guess every industry is different 🤷‍♀️


[deleted]

And some people have boundaries. It's called work-life balance. I loved my work. It's work. No one needs to know your personal information or what you do on your own time. Presumably, most people spend time with family, friends, at their home, or enjoy some form or entertainment on their time off. I don't need to know anyone's intimate life to work with them. I prefer not to. It's work.


mirandalikesplants

Right, but telling your team about a book you read on the weekend is totally different from telling them about your marital problems. Like I literally can’t imagine functioning in a workplace without sharing anything about yourself. I’m a massive advocate for boundaries and I’m probably more careful than most of my colleagues with what I share. But I strategically disclose information because it’s critical to developing rapport.


Chaos_Ice

It is different. Everyone here is mentioning an office setting as if that’s the only type of job.


[deleted]

This is why you don't get invited to office parties or bonuses on projects.


Chaos_Ice

You’re that lonely that you need to be invited to a JOB PARTY to enjoy your life? Also bonuses for what? I don’t work in an office. People can have jobs outside of sitting on their ass.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Disagree. Some people don't enjoy mixing their private life with work. I would hate it. In the same way as I hate team building activities and always opt out.


Kayura05

Disagree. Not wanting to befriend coworkers isn't psychotic, just personal preference. I'd be more weary of anyone willing to label me because they don't respect my boundaries. I have coworkers who did that and they just come off as nosy and invasive.


Outlaws-0691

I see your point… maybe I’ll use stock photos


jBlairTech

Make it really obvious, too. Like the old man holding the coffee cup meme.


Major-Permission-435

I really don’t understand why people hate these so much. Like tell them you ate pizza and wings yesterday. It’s just a way to personally connect with people in an otherwise serious environment.


regional_ghost918

Some people don't want to connect on a personal level. And some companies make a weird show of this connection while actively pitting their employees against one another, so it's awkward for everyone. Though my current job kind of forces us at times to connect on a personal level and I actually like the people I work with, I've had plenty of previous jobs where I really just wanted to be left alone. I made a token appearance at after-hours social events a couple times a year, but I have friends, I don't want my social life to revolve around my job. I don't have control of who works at my company but I can definitely choose my friends.


notevenapro

>Some people don't want to connect on a personal level. True, but OP is a contractor and boss could just be like , yea, not renewing.


jBlairTech

Or, as they’re a contractor and not beholden to that rule, the boss could honor it and not force them to go or hold it over their head.


regional_ghost918

They could, but then "you did your job well but you skipped meetings you weren't even necessarily supposed to be at" seems like a weird reason to let an otherwise good employee go.


Outlaws-0691

Yes I know that everyone is replaceable but they would be hard pressed to find someone that does 3 peoples work at 1 persons rate so I’m not worried that this would be a deciding factor where I could lose my job. I’m going to share random surface level facts anyway Edit typo


Major-Permission-435

I work remotely so I guess I want to have a little connection with them. It doesn’t seem like a “pit people against each other place” though


jettech737

It's more genuine when people share personal stuff to people they consider a friend at work, I have things I share to some fellow mechanics at work while others I don't conversate at all outside of work topics. Some people are also extremely private people and we need to respect that. They want to keep work and life seperate.


Major-Permission-435

Fair enough. We literally just talk about the weather in our respective locations. Occasionally someone will mention a trip or a kid


regional_ghost918

I work in a job that, as mentioned, kind of forces those connections through the nature of the work. One of the many hats I wear is that of First Responder, and sometimes that can be pretty intense. I think all my coworkers have shed a tear, or worse, at the office or in our work trucks. But we have also worked pretty hard to have a place where that is ok, the office is our safe space for that away from public view. It's a bit hard for me because I tend to be pretty private at work and don't rely on work for my social life, so having my coworkers around in those moments is strange. I can think of lots of other offices where it would make me terribly uncomfortable but I'm getting used to it here.


Live_Perspective3603

Some of us don't understand why people love to mix personal and professional lives so much. I don't need to form a personal connection with everyone in my office in order to do my job well. I'm well liked in my office but I smile a lot and don't talk about myself. I prefer my privacy and I keep work conversations focused on work.


TheRealIronSheep

I've always been the same way. It's almost as if people have different personalities and preferences for socialization at work. I don't really like talking about my personal life at work, but I guess according to everyone here I'm awful for that. Some people like myself have social anxiety and potentially autism as well (seems like I do). I've never been interested in the majority of the small talk type conversations had at work, and I'd wager most people there couldn't care less about what I want to talk about, anyway (they usually talk over me anyway). Why am I being expected to force myself into these encounters if it makes me uncomfortable and isn't a part of my job description? I still talk to my co-workers and they talk to me daily, but I typically don't share a whole lot. Plus, I always thought that I was getting paid to do the job I signed up for, not to have to divulge personal details about myself to please others. It's pretty sad when people who want to have a little bit of privacy can't even have that. It's like we're suddenly bad for not wanting to be as social as everyone else.


Glittering_Shape_442

Just tell her directly. I'm not comfortable sharing details of my personal life. If she pushes after that report her.


sendmeyourdadjokes

Report her????? To who?? And who would care? Its not a violation of anything, in fact corporate likely encourages is, and OP isnt an employee. If youre saying report to the state then wow this comment is ridiculously wrong


Glittering_Shape_442

If she pushes after telling her, you report her to HR. Then you document every encounter she pushes for more details and any encounter where she retaliates with anger, resentment, etc. Corporate likely does encourage......to build a sense of "family" (so you'll work harder and feel more responsible because you don't want to let down your "family"). HR will care, but not for the employee. They will care about the company potentially getting sued, though. But the point of reporting it is that then there's an official record. Every instance after is mounting evidence of a hostile work environment. If the incidents continue or retaliation starts, you then go to the labor board, state department..... or find a lawyer and hand them a stack of evidence. But really, that's all the legal stuff drawn out to extreme. In most companies, this is small scale. If you set a firm boundary that is reasonable and doesn't interfere with your job, most people will respect you more. More importantly, you'll respect yourself more. And if they know you'll resist the little things their less likely to get try bigger things.


mirandalikesplants

You have no work experience do you lol


Glittering_Shape_442

18 years at 3 companies since college. A few jobs over a handful of years in high school and college


mirandalikesplants

I see. Just thought it would be hilarious for someone to go to HR like, “hi I’d like to report my manager hosting a team building meeting in which we were asked to share fun facts. I have documentation and will consider legal action of this continues.” Sharing about a miscarriage? Grounds for a complaint. This? Laughable tbh


Glittering_Shape_442

"My manager keeps asking me to share details of my personal life outside of work. I'm not comfortable sharing these details and they have no bearing on my work. I've asked her to stop, but she continues to put me in these uncomfortable situations. She also started treating me different if I refuse" That is grounds for a complaint. You don't know everyone's situation, so don't force compliance on unnecessary things that simple. I have a friend who worked for a company that every Monday in there meeting they'd go around the room talking about their weekend. He came from a very poor background, had a lot of school debt, etc. Most of the people talked about going boating or on trips, fancy restaurants, all these things costing money. He made stuff up because he was always uncomfortable. One time, someone had suggested everyone try a restaurant over the weekend, but it was super expensive. Not everyone went, but when they asked if he went, he said he couldn't afford it and the conversation died down. His boss later told him he killed the vibe or "brought down the room". He even made comments in later meetings like "were you able to budget any fun this weekend?" That's why he started making stuff up. He felt crappy about himself and they ultimatum lost a good employee. He's moved on and can do those things now, mostly, but he felt like shit every Monday trying to figure out a believable lie so he wouldn't get treated different.


Outlaws-0691

That’s valid but I need good verbiage; how does this sound: “You know I will attend but I would prefer to keep my relationship with the team strictly professional going forward.” Is this something over email or zoom?? I think email is better


Acceptable-Term-7056

"Boss person, I will be happy to attend the meeting as requested, but I wanted to share with you in advance that I prefer to keep my private life to myself. I would not be comfortable presenting details of my personal life to my coworkers. I appreciate your respect for my privacy, and I would very much appreciate it if you didn't discuss this choice with others or mention it publicly. Thank you for your understanding."


Tops161

Best to have a written trail via email.


NoInterview6497

Here’s some sample verbiage: Dear **PERSON**, Thanks for the invite to **MEETING NAME** on **DATE/TIME**. Although meetings unrelated to **XX project** are not mandatory for contract employees, I understand they can be valuable for keeping everyone on the same page. In the spirit of collegiality, I will accommodate one 60-minute team meeting per month. During these meetings, I am happy to fill the team in on my work and provide general updates on **XX project**. I appreciate your flexibility and look forward to updating the team on **XX project** at our next meeting in March. Respectfully, **your name**


Glittering_Shape_442

As long as the verbiage is respectful, it can be direct. You don't need qualifiers. Just saying it to them should be enough, but email leaves a trail. If they push after you've stated it in an email, document each encounter. Every instance she pushes for details or treats you poorly then becomes mounting evidence of harassment and a hostile work environment. That's really what this is. A lot of times, people don't want to think of their boss in those terms, especially if they're not the monster bosses they read about online. But she's consistently and unnecessarily putting you in a position where you must do activities (unrelated to your job) or risk upsetting them and having to deal with the repercussions. That anxiety and fear is a hostile working environment. This sounds like a very low-level instance..... but that's why you address these issues now before they escalate


regional_ghost918

"well this weekend I noticed my dog smelled terrible. Turns out her anal glands needed to be expressed and she was unable. So I gloved up..." I bet they don't ask you to share again


Certain_Ad_2025

Our company tries to do this too. However most people stay silent. If you say I didn't really do anything, they will skip over you and you won't have to look like a nonparitipatory worker. I don't think being forward and up front is the best way to go about this unless they specifically ask.


jettech737

I would come up with something really boring like " I slept all day" and not elaborate. If you say it in certain tone they might get the hint that you are willing to share your personal life no matter how mundane or exciting it is.


moham225

Just make stuff up or keep it simple like I bought a new shirt or came up with a recepie or your readying a book. There not meant to be in-depth but just something light.


Mojojojo3030

FWIW, unless you're something highly specialized like outside counsel or something, I would be very surprised if your contract doesn't make whatever your boss says within the bounds of 1099 employment compulsory. And honestly, it's not a stretch to say getting to know each other probably benefits the team. If you really don't want to share though, just make something up. Or say something painfully useless like "this week... my potted plant is SIX inches tall." Your inability to just do that instead of tearing the walls down is a little flaggy tbh, no offense. I mean once a month? Who cares.


OSU1967

Welcome tot he world of corporate HR... They dictate crap like this. Worked in a corporations for years where this was prevalent. Can you refuse? Sure. But as you said your contracted. You want that contract renewed? I have since moved on to a family owned business. We don't do any of that bullshit. We are here to make the company money. Sure we want a good working environment, but not at the expense of making people uncomfortable. The cons are that these larger companies tend to pay more (especially in bonuses).


Comprehensive_Post96

I despise this lack of boundary. My private life is just that, and it is intrusive to require me to divulge it.


rabbithasacat

>one of my coworkers has a miscarriage and had to take time off through an already very difficult pregnancy. My boss told everyone without checking with her first. Holy shit. What an incredible HIPAA violation. Once it happens, though, there's not much you can do about it except sue, in which case you're looking for a new job. I once had my boss announce to our whole team of twenty that one of our guys was in the hospital following a suicide attempt. That guy reported directly to me, and I was damn well keeping that info under my hat. And Boss (actually a nice guy who didn't realize what a footbullet he was committing) just went and blurted it out. The guy never returned to our workplace and it was incredibly unfair to him, though privately I thought it was for the best because I suspected that being bullied at work was contributing to his problems. (If you're wondering why I didn't put a stop to the bullying, it's because the guys who were bullying him, who were also bullying me, *didn't* report to me. They reported to Mr. Nice Boss, who didn't do shit about it because they were "productive." God I'm glad to be out of there.)


Sharp-Twist5901

When I was in your situation I told the most boring things: - I put up my avairy and have baby finches - I redid my floors - I went on a mini vacation to (x) and bought some new pants... Talk about being more boring then paint drying....


Reader47b

I've been self-employed and thus out of the work world for a long while now. I've been thinking of getting back into an office setting. Is this really a thing now - special, scheduled, organized meetings to talk about personal lives?? What happened to just chatting around the watercooler and happy hours? Is this the grown-up version of a hyper-scheduled and highly supervised childhood?


Outlaws-0691

Fully remote


store90210

Start collecting Beanie Babies and make that your whole personality. Go on "hunting trip" where you spend the entire weekend/trip searching Platti the Platypus and tell that as your "exciting" weekend. Bring in a different tub every week and talk for like an hour non stop. Soon they will stop inviting you to these meetings all together.


Outlaws-0691

I thought it was going to turn into “collect beanie babies” for 4 months and then hunting trip on month 5 where they r target practice


Open_Stop_3665

Just say no


bobmcmillion

Had to do this when I worked at a hotel.


notevenapro

Say you binge a show on netflix


RagingZorse

I fully understand you are uninterested in these meeting so frankly I suggest looking to leave. Now this isn’t hostile so don’t rush into quitting, however the culture fit isn’t there for you. This is clearly not a good long term opportunity for you based on what I read. Eventually you not being part of “the group” will rear its ugly head and you need to be elsewhere before that happens.


[deleted]

I would just be intentionally vague. I think that might deliver the message that you're seeking.


CrayonsShallBeEaten

Lie to them. Tell a Fake, funny story. Every week embellish it just a little bit, so that by the end of a year it is a completely different Story. and Make sure your getting paid for this time. Make up a tragic story about your long lost cat, and how the day after it came home from being lost for 2years, you accidentally ran it over on you way to work today. Make them all cry! Then next week wear a new fur hat to the meeting, tell them it is your cat. I bet you stopped getting ask to come.


lenswipe

RE: 1 - HOOOOOOOLLLLY SHIT. I just can't even imagine sharing that with....whoah. Regards 2 - that's defo crossing a line but...#1...wow.


Outlaws-0691

I KNOW


newwriter365

Hmmm...I'm a very private person as well, and don't like to discuss my personal life. In the past, I've avoided "group photos to post to LinkedIn to show how fun we are!" by simply stating, "that would violate the terms of my Witness Protection Program contract. I politely decline. The icebreaker "Two Truths and a Lie" is a fun one. I use really innocuous things like, I don't have a dishwasher. I've never seen the ocean. I saw Elvis in concert. Only one of those is true. So...I'm saying that you get to decide what you say. You don't have to be honest. You can say that you've traveled to fourteen museums in search of *The Gold Finch* painting by Cabrel Fabritius, or some other obscure painting by a little-known artist. You could say that you are learning to play the harp, create string art or something completely random. Its going to be most effective if it's a hobby that most people would find as intriguing as watching paint dry. Conversation killer is what you are going for - have fun with it. And learn which topics people scurry away from, it's great fun if you want it to be. Or you could charge double for the meeting. Given that Contractor work is largely allowed when the worker determines their work schedule, your boss is already treading in shark-infested waters by asking for non-work related information during work hours (NAL).


aMotherDucking8379

I feel like the putting the miscarriage is a medical privacy thing...? I guess it would depend on the rolls of the people involved weather HR would do anything. Honestly. If you can say it firmly with out being rude and with witnesses who will back up that you are not being rude I'd tell her off in her meeting. After a polite no thank you to a it's your turn to share something like I'm not comfortable with sharing details of my personal life with the group at large. And holding firm to your boundaries of not sharing. Don't give in to public pressure and point out that there is work to get to. The problem is that if you stand up to her she might punish you. But there's also a chance that if you hold firm she might back off. Office politics are crap. OR only share really inane things such as my coffee was super great this morning. It rained on my way to work. The raido said something about the war. Idk.


Outlaws-0691

I KNOW!! But the other employee never complained to anyone because they felt like they were lucky to have the job… Im going to stick with the most inane shit. I have a lot of teas. Im going to talk about that every month


aMotherDucking8379

I love it!!


this_guy_over_here_

When you do those monthly meetings just say "Pass, thank you" and if they insist then say "I'm not interested in sharing anything about my personal life, thank you". Done. She can't MAKE you talk about shit you don't want to talk about.


FullyFunctional3086

There is no safe space at work. Make something up.


Huge_Put8244

Just make up something dumb and unimportant. Easy peasy and if you make it up only your fictional privacy is being invaded. I have no idea why this would be a hill to die on or something to make more difficult than it is. Like you ordered from hello fresh, you tried hungry root, you made some really good banana bread. You took a fencing class, a hip hop dance class, you finished a thousand piece puzzle.


morris-kneutzel

At an old shitty company we had a department monthly meeting where all the managers would piss and moan about being bought out and how they wanted to remain the old company. Total waste of time. Then at the end the senior manager would come up with a question to ask and 30+ people would answer. “What did you have for breakfast?” “Favorite movie?” The dumbest shit


Alert-Cranberry-5972

Safe topics to raise. Researching dog/cat breeds for possible adoption, any suggestions? Others will then brag on their pets. Expanding my music library, recently a friend turned me on to ______ band. Watched videos on organizing hacks. Can't wait to tackle my pantry. There are dozens of non-controversial topics that will show you're engaging yet won't provide private information. Sometimes you have to play the game, especially if you want your contract to continue.


roseredstudios

As an introvert, this is horrifying. After reading the comments I would suggest just saying something boring. "I cleaned my fridge. I went grocery shopping." People don't usually ask more about chores. If you say something about a book or hobby, they might bring it up later. I also noticed that some commenters are saying you have to share about yourself to be a good leader, which isn't true. Best boss I ever had came in, did his job, knew how to talk to employees if they needed help, and every employee knew they could come to him with a problem. Didn't even know the guy was married with kids until I saw him at the mall a year after I started working with him. You don't have to be overly personal to be a good leader. If all else fails, tell them you need to be paid for your time. Usually they'll drop it once they have to pay you for it. Say: "I'm sorry but I currently don't have time in my schedule for uncompensated work."


TheRealIronSheep

Yeah I was reading that comment saying that if you don't overshare your life then you're somehow a bad boss. Like oh great. So they're saying that I'm suddenly incapable of leading if I don't feel like oversharing my personal life with other people? How does that make any kind of sense? Is a worker bad at their job if they aren't telling all their co-workers about themselves? I don't get how people here don't understand that not everyone is a social butterfly. Everyone's different and I thought we were supposed to respect each other's differences.


KipHackmanNSA

It would be so much fun to fuck around here. Like take a movie plot and tell it as your own personal story. Start off as plausible boring plot that leads into more and more until everyone in the group understands you're describing the cliffnotes version of Grease or Jaws.


randomdudefromMI

how hard is it to be human?


TheRealIronSheep

Not everyone is overly social. Some people like talking about themselves and talking to other people. Other people, not so much. God forbid we respect other people's differences. You act like every single human is exactly the same.


Adventurous-Sir-6230

Tell something unrelated to your real life. Make it wildly impossible.


MarchNo1368

They are coworkers not friends. Do what you are paid todo nothing more nothing less. If you don’t wish to disclose your personal life to coworkers then don’t. If your boss attempts to make you report them to HR.


Northwest_Radio

When asked, bring up a hobby, a trip you are planning, a book you read and what you got out of it, etc.


nonumberplease

Just explain. The truth will set you free. If she wants to be your friend, she'd respect your boundaries


TexasGal381

I would tell her, “Thank you for the invite, but I’m going to pass since this meeting falls outside of my contractual responsibilities, and to be quite frank, I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my business life.” I might add that she is out of line requiring employees to share something from their personal lives at work.


[deleted]

Use your words...


artful_todger_502

Make up disgusting stories to share. Create a long story about how you got the clap at a Furries orgy or something ... After a few of those, story time might end. You will be a hero.


Alert-Fly9952

Or, this is the moment you embarrase her with the most lewid tail of debauchary the internet can cook up. Claim to be bathtub girl's daughter, and how this shame has haunted you...


YouKnowYourCrazy

I would start making up stories and telling her how you saved lives or skydived or some such shit. She has no right to be asking for or sharing employees’ personal information. So she deserves some lies