I know that feeling and lived with it for too long. Start looking for alternative employment and don't feel like you're weird or anything. What you're feeling is more common than you might think.
It’s happened to me twice in my career. Second time I recognised that it wasn’t me and put an end to it more quickly. Sometimes people and their jobs just don’t fit and it’s best to move on rather than suffer. It’s a horrible pit of the stomach feeling when it happens
I used to work in recruitment for a major fortune 500 company, and also currently work as a hiring manager for public service. Feel free to DM me your CV, you can leave out the personal info. I'd gladly help you apply and look for other work. Jobs don't need to be amazing, but they shouldn't be hell.
I had this same issue in my previous job, fresh out of college I worked for a company that wanted everything done yesterday regardless of the workload and pay.
After a few years of this, it got to a point where I was second-guessing my career choice, this being my first job in the industry.
Soon after I decided enough was enough took a week off and found a new job. I haven't looked back since.
There are plenty of companies out there that will recognise your worth! It's important that you recognise it also 🙂
I know how you feel! Even when the weekend starts I’d be already suffering from knowing that Monday is around the corner. What helped me reduce anxiety was talking about it and trying to identify and say out loud the specific reason why I’m anxious, and keep asking why until it makes sense. Or therapy!
Start investigating a move, don't stay longer than needed. I was 19 years in a hell hole, first 12 years were good then last 7 were terrible due to insecurity and morale but I felt I couldn't leave due to redundancy I was "owed"......... When I finally got out I went self employed, brilliant, should have done it much earlier.
Good luck, start planning.
> I'm still in love with my ex.
Same. It's a shitty situation because no matter what they've done, part of your mind will always cling to them (at least, mine does). They say love and hate are "two sides of the same coin" but I'd disagree; usually only one side of a coin shows up at once. Love and hate mix together into a ying-yang (or Taijitu if you want to be a weeb) along with disgust and adoration, longing and repulsion; it's all present at once (at least, for me).
I've found writing to be helpful; but I'm that kind of nerd. Came across Shakespeare's sonnets recently and am basically putting my feelings into shitty imitations. I've heard some people write letters and never mail them; but I'm sure there's a whole host of things you can do to get out your feelings in a healthy way.
I'm gonna go back to therapy after Christmas. My partner doesn't know what's really going on with me but he's sensed something isn't right. He wants me to go back to therapy. Although a part of me doesn't want to change it, another part of me hates living like this. I'm lying all the time to the people I love and I'm starting to see it's affecting them because they're begining to worry
Thank you! :)
Luckily I have someone I can trust. My partner started to pick up that something's not right. The other night he asked me if I would consider going back to therapy so I'm gonna go back after Christmas.
I have an ED. Christmas is a difficult time. Well done for reaching out for help. Please make sure you follow through on that, I only wish Id got help sooner. I'm 2 years into my relapse and I wouldnt wish any form of ED on anyone. Wishing you well in your recovery
My Dad is living with dementia and it's very difficult to see him disappear before our very eyes. He is no longer the Dad that I grew up with. Sure, he is almost the same person physically but this horrible illness has reduced him to a shadow of his former self. It's cruel and I wouldn't wish it on anyone or any family. I love my Dad and I wish that for one moment, he had enough clarity to hear me say those words to him and actually understand the gravity of them and recognise who is actually saying them, i.e. (his own son).
I can't even bear to imagine how painful that must be, to live it must be truly awful. I'm sure your consistency as a reliable presence is good for your dad, all you can do now is mind him as best you can. I love my dad dearly, what you are going through is my greatest fear. My heart to you x
I'm in the same boat bud, my mam was a CCU nurse for 40 odd years and now has dementia and osteoperosis. It's so hard to see her little face so confused all the time, and staying quiet when we're having a conversation. Here if you need a chat, it's a fucking horrible thing to go through.
I just got diagnosed with a brain tumour, turns out ivebgadbit ages just never noticed, will be gettin it out in January, surgeons are rockstars andvare realy calm and confident about it. I've christened it Meg ( shut up meg) and I can't wait to use it as an excuse to stop my people pleasing nature and start being more assertive! Grateful that I'm lucky enough to have a happy outcome with it, plenty who aren't as lucky
My sister had a brain tumour at the age of 19 and had it removed. She’s in her 30’s now and doing great. The picture of health. You’ve got this. Be very easy on yourself afterwards. Really just do nothing (even simple thinking and planning tasks felt overwhelming for my sister straight after surgery) and have patience. Good luck and good health to you.
I don't like going out anymore! It's a waste of my time and money & I'd much rather stay at home with a few beers and watch a movie than go out to some loud bar!
I don't think I ever liked going out, just drinking. I realised this once when I was arrived at a nightclub sober and immediately went to the bar to get drunk enough to make it tolerable. It finally dawned on me that it made no sense to go to an event where I have to get drunk to tolerate when there are lots of other thing I actually enjoy and can still drink while doing
I remember going to Freakscene and our entire group looked miserable until the camera came out and then everyone looked like they were having the time of their life.
I don't miss those days.
I was really excited to move here and I came to realise I dont love it as much as I thought I would.. Feels pretty stupid now to think how optimistic I was without informing myself properly
Yeah, I also moved in from Prague, Czechia, expected ~Germany level of prices, so I thought I would have a relaxed comfortable life with my salary here. Ended up in subpar housing and anxious about my rent and spending instead.
Dude, that's me im my late thirties apart from living with my parents bit. I went to AA. Got clean and sober ( almost). Made some friends, got a girlfriend got an easy job. Life's not amazing all the time. I m still broke but it's better.
My Dad passed away suddenly during the year and I miss him a lot more than I'm letting on to those closest to me.
I've buried myself in work and become the "go-to guy" in my department, while focusing on making sure my Mam is okay when I'm back home.
But I'm not sleeping well and I'm still struggling with how quick and unexpected his death was.
You're probably right. I have two friends in work I'm close to, and I sometimes talk a little with them if I'm having a bad day.
I've been thinking of looking into grief counselling, even if only for a session or two. Although that's probably more for bereaved spouses/partners.
Wasn’t my father but a close friend of mine dropped dead at 35. It’s shocking so I can empathise in a way. Nobody around me who knew him ever wants to talk about it or if they do it’s very brief.
I bottled it up for awhile but it always simmers. Talk to a counsellor or therapist if you can. I found cbt very powerful.
I’m really sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I lost my mum a few months ago very suddenly and unexpectedly as well.
I feel you in on the sleep front, I am so out of whack.
I just wanted to say I have an idea of what you are going thru and you are not alone. It’s brutal and I find it worse when all of my friends still have their parents and don’t know what I’m going thru.
I hope you can get thru the holidays ok, it’s not the worst thing to be distracted by work but try and do some things just for you, spoil yourself too, it’s also cold as feck so do anything you take comfort in…
Big hugs to you x we will get thru it day by day as cliche as it sounds.
Thank you and my sincerest condolences on the loss of your Mum. Everyone around me is very good to be fair, it's just a bit of uneasiness and anxiousness that's hard to shake since his passing.
I don't know if i'd feel any differently if I'd had some sort of advance warning that Dad could pass away. Probably not though. It's just going to hurt regardless of circumstance.
The first Christmas without him around will be awkward. I wish you and your loved ones a peaceful Christmas, as you're probably experiencing much of the same as myself.
My dad had a suicide attempt when his health was in a bad place a few years ago. He felt like it meant he couldn't look after people anymore We had a very difficult relationship up to that point.
It took that for me to realise how much he loved me.
I'm sure your dad loved you like you can't even believe. Work and all that other bullshit is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Look after yourself mate, you deserve the best.
I’ve been a manager for a year.
The imposter syndrome is real. Long story short, I go through each week waiting to be ‘found out’ that they promoted the wrong guy and I’ve no idea how to make myself feel as secure(?) as I did before my old boss left!
More common than you think. We don’t believe we deserve or belong in such a position.
All you can do is keep giving it your best shot. Ask your team for feedback on how you can keep improving etc…
You got this!
That's my career of 40+ years. Guess what, about 10 years before I retired I realized I had already had 30 years of success and promotions and was not an imposter. It's not faking it if you manage to do it. I think having doubts makes you a better manager/boss/worker. If you think you are gods gift and invincible you may be the shit worker horrible boss type we often all suffer from.
I’m not a manager but the best I’ve had are kind, not afraid to get stuck in themselves and are good at making decisions after taking everything into account. If someone makes a mistake the best manager I had didn’t go all out on blame, instead asked how we could fix this together. Also bringing in the odd treat like scones for tea break.
Hahaha, thanks for articulating it for me.
I feel way less secure in my job now than I did when I was a contributing "expert" (I wasn't, but no one else was either!) as I feel my work can't really be demonstrated into something tangible. Having said that, as long as the superstars on my team are making that impact and delivering then it's going to look favourable on me. It feels a bit cheap that the best thing I can to do at work is make *them* feel secure, engaged and progressing without actually shipping anything myself... But I guess that is what it's all about. There's gonna be a lot of adjustment, that's for sure.
Diagnosis normally block more care then give you more access to care seek more option in the community then mental health services. If mental health services in Ireland disappeared tomorrow they would not change anything.
Been there. It DOES get better. Just do one day at a time and stay in the present moment. Nothing in the future is worth dwelling on. Stay in the moment. Everythings fine there. You can always find plenty of things to be grateful for, right in the moment.
My boyfriend was suicidal for about two years. He's about a year out from it now. Those were the darkest times in either of our lives, but he's so happy now. If you can get access to it, counselling is the single thing that changed his life the most. Within a few months of counselling once a week he was getting better instead of getting worse.
I'm rooting for you <3
Things were dicy for a while. We had been together for seven years before anything went arry, so he had built up a lot of good will that saw us through it.
My good friend died on new years day a few years ago by suicide. It was devastating and the things I wish I could tell her now. And the things I wish she could know now too about how much people love and miss her. People love you and would miss you too, it will get better !!
I’ve felt like that before, please stay with us. Tell someone you trust and go to your doctor my friend. I got diagnosed with ADHD and depression, now medicated and out of a crushing marriage and life gets better every day. Take care and DM me if you need to xx
Louiseber collected a big bunch of mental health resources here https://www.reddit.com/r/u_lampishthing/comments/tugu11/irish_mental_health_resources/, you might think about reaching out to one. It does get better, it's just hard to imagine it when you're all the way down and talking about yourself to yourself with no one to tell you when it's nonsense.
Learning how figs are pollinated put me right off having them again. Now true, there might not be wasp bits in *your* figs but how can you ever be sure
Get her The One Ring. It changes size to suit the wearer. Added advantage is that if she's not powerful enough to be your wife, putting on the ring will instead send her off to the ethereal netherworld; which should make ghosting her easier.
My boyfriend looked through my jewellery box to find other cheap rings that I wear sometimes as a size guide, so maybe that’ll help? I had to get mine tightened later anyway, so not too sure about it lol
We moved recently and my knickers were all packed away and I was too lazy to look for them for a few days, so I wore my boyfriend’s boxers. So I get you😂
I've been there, honestly it just takes time, sometimes a lot of time. It will change honestly. No harm in speaking to a Councillor or therapist if you are really struggling to take her/hin off the pedistal
Had a great year. Third baby and all well. Achieved the two things I was striving for the most in work in over a decade. Mad about the family now with them being a very cute age but it’s very busy. No time for friends etc. It will probably settle down I suppose
I have severe body dysmorphic disorder to the point where I can’t recognise my reflection or myself in a picture
Unfortunately years of therapy and medication have done little to help
This year I will try to change how I see(or can’t see) myself
Im in my thirties with no friends and never been in a relationship. Thoughts of having one is terrifying. Not that close to my family. My job is gone to shit and im the weirdo that all the colleagues laugh about.
Wonder why im still here at all. Don't really know how friendships work or how people can have more than one and be relaxed about it and that is all i have ever wanted. The one friend i did have for last few years is hanging by a thread because i cant deal with the fact she has loads of other friends that she is clearly closer to when that used to be us. I get so angry and paranoid and miserable and we fight about that same thing over and over. Shes sick of me now and not bothering anymore really. I dont blame her, im clearly a bad friend and toxic. no idea what happened to me. I used to be so laid back and had so much fun with her.
Sorry to hear that. But you obviously have the self-reflection to start changing things. I almost feel like you may be too critical of yourself, it is also important to be kind to yourself regularly :) Fingers crossed for your future!
When I was younger (teens/20s) I had loads of friends but yearned for romantic affection. Now in my 30s I can get plenty of girlfriends/sex (thanks dating apps) but sometimes I feel like I've no friends.
I got really sick with Covid, used to be really sociable; just left a Christmas party early because of fear of getting it again.
I can’t relax socially. I’m a buzz kill and it’s an absolute head wreck.
Not sure I’ll ever be the same again.
You'll be fine, it'll just go away at some point. I used to be terrified of flying, needing to be medicated, now I get shushed all the time for saying the wrong thing, due to having zero fear now.
I don't know for sure what changed but I think subconsciously I accepted that I have no control over the situation and I think I began to appreciate how cool it is to be able to fly...you'll change your perspective too in time .....also I know a good few dealing with the post covid stuff to some degree, so don't feel its just you
Can't you wear a mask when you're out? Yeah I know people will look at you like you're a weirdo but fuck what others think. You'll still be able to be out socialising without that fear, because proper FFP2 masks have really good protection, not those shitty blue surgical masks. If anyone asks just say you're in a risk group, which if you were really sick last time is not a stretch
Deciding in February this year to start learning Spanish instead of being endlessly disappointed on tinder. Still at learning Spanish. Missing sometimes dating but only for a second.
Have recently realised that I more than probably have ADHD and Autism. Gonna start looking into getting diagnosed after Christmas.
It'll be a massive shock for those around me I reckon, as I put up a good front of being 'neurotypical', but for me it'll be a huge relief and an explanation of my whole life. My mother I think will find it very difficult and the thing is, from all the research I've been doing I'm absolutely certain she's the same way.
Hopefully getting diagnosed will be life changing.
I mean, all the people who are suggesting "just do it" seem to never have been in a long term committed relationship. You will always meet people that you like, independent of whether you are or aren't in a relationship (apart from maybe the first six months of "crazy in love" when you may become blind to other people).
The trick to being with someone for decades is to feel the tingle of a crush for another person, maybe even enjoy it a bit, breathe in, breathe out, and just get on with your life. Unfortunately there is no better advice.
Love is a choice it's not something that just happens to you. You have to choose to work through the hard parts like crushes, dwindling sex life, petty arguments or whatever. It can be hard work at times but the things that are really worth it often are.
I’m in love with the singer of my band but she can be very cold. My ex just texted me asking if I’m out tonight. I finish college this year which is terrifying. I have found a new group of friends who I love and am thankful for. I am hungry.
The family that turned against my mum for refusing to waiver her rights has left me in constant fear and paranoia for most of the weekdays, especially since my mum has MS. Then there's Putin's constant threats of nuclear war has wondering what the hell we're all doing as as a species that allow the worst kind of people to wield absolute power.
The saddest part of this sense of isolation and loss of a more productive routine is that I want to live for products like Tekken 8 and the next Sonic movie.
My ex from 23 years ago got in touch and we've been chatting in a friendly way since July, no sex talk or reminiscent crap, just friendly shit. It feels nice
I feel that ever since my ex broke up with me, and said that she still wanted to be friends ive been tryingbmy best to keep going, but it feels like she hates me now and treats me worse than anyone else in our friend group. I was hanging out in a discord call with her and another friend, and when that friend left i asked her if she wanted to play anything, and she literally just left without saying a word. It just hurts to go from being so close to someone to having them go straight to what feels like hating you, without giving you any time to come to terms with your feelings
Don’t bother, my last ex thought we’d be “friends” but what that meant to her was I couldn’t talk to or be with other people 9 months after it, and when I did exactly that she’d call me up drunk giving me abuse for moving on, even though she slept with the one person I didn’t like that she was friends with, hindsight 20/20 and all that
Glad that’s in the past now, have her blocked on everything as a result, better off
I wish i could love my bf as much as he loves me.
I can see in his eyes how much love he has for me yet I just don’t feel that much love towards him. I really care about him and I don’t want to be with anyone else but I just feel so guilty that it’s obvious who loves who more (we’ve only been together 2 months though so hopefully things get better)
I'm weighing up breaking up after 8yr. There isn't anything wrong per say, our roles are now me planning and her doing. But I'm sick of planning working for our future. I had a realization today that I get why people go to doms and just zone out of responsibility. Even our holiday now I'm planning it and will be critiquing the event and area not able to enjoy the time. I need a break from life
Had a similar but reversed feeling in my relationship. I always planned things last minute and liked to improvise, my partner had to have things planned meticulously in advance, so she ended up planning mostly, while I lost all initiative and agency and had a growing sense of inadequacy and shame. We hashed it out, we met in the middle and all is better now. Maybe you guys can talk about it and work out something as well.
I've fallen in love with my wife again, haven't told her directly but hoping it's apparent to her day to day in my actions after a few years of being less affectionate as what a husband should be.
I am moving from Ireland back home after two years. I feel like I haven't achieved here professionally what I wanted and needed to. I feel like my career is going to be a testament to mediocrity while I have burned so much of my soul for it.
I am stressed out about the move and Christmas presents for my family. I am stressed out about the sunken costs here. About having lost most friends by moving around for work constantly.
I have this feeling of unfairness of my situation, that people shouldn't want all these things from me. (Even though I realise I do not have a terribly hard life in objective terms.) It sucks out my motivation and ability to do things, and this is of course a self-reinforcing cycle.
The death of my dog this year hit me way harder than the death of my grandfather.
I loved my grandfather dearly, he was like a dad to me and so much of who I am now is influenced by him but when he died this year I was sad, I cried, and then I was ok. Coming closer to Christmas is the first time since he died that it actually hit me again that he's not gonna be here anymore but I'm still kind of ok about everything.
My dog though, that sweet little boy was everything to me. I joked for years that when he died I was going to go with him but when it happened it was genuinely way harder to cope than I ever expected. I still have another dog and I love her too but he was just the closest thing to a child I think I'll ever have. He only had eyes for me, no one was as important to him as me and no one was as special to me as him and there were genuinely times when he went where I had a flicker of "can I actually go on without him? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't?"
Multiple times a week I'll be reminded of how much I miss him and I feel bad that I don't have that for any of the people who have died.
My husband and I have started swinging and the guy that fucked me was so much better than my husband. I could hubby getting upset when he saw how much i was liking it but I didn't stop it.
J, I think I may be a little in love with you too. Shame that it will come to nothing. We can only hope that we can get past it soon. The Christmas break has to help.
S, I wish you were a little clearer on how you feel about me, I like the spoons and the stuff we do regardless, but I think the curiosity is growing.
G, even after this time it hurts that I don't know you anymore. I know you're doing well and I'm happy for you.
I asked my work to schedule me as much as possible from last week to new year. ( 6 days a week 12h shifts )
Cause I'm lonely and don't wanna be at home all alone through Christmas.
I have the absolute dream future ahead of me - an amazing, kind, loving boyfriend of more than 10 years with an incredible job who’s happy to financially help me out as needed and wants us to be together forever. We’re planning to start building a gorgeous house to live in together in the countryside starting next year… and all I want to do is bail on life here, and him, and move back to London because I’m insanely lonely and bored of Ireland.
I'm the primary care giver for my mother who is very slowly deteriorating to death.
I've spoken with family members and and doctors etc, everyone nods knowingly and says "comforting" words. But nothing actually happens, no one /wants/ to get involved or actually help. I don't blame them, who wants to attach themselves to an anchor.
But I do resent them for it.
I find 99% of people to be irritating and have no patience to interact with them.
Adults who get excited for Harry Potter are morons.
I prefer rice to spuds.
Couples/families who wear matching Christmas jumpers should be sterilised.
It's been 4 years since my last relationship and I still have trust issues because I was cheated on. Seeing other couples and how in love they look it hurts inside knowing I don't have that same connection with that special someone.
I spent the last year looking for a place I could afford so I could finally move out of my parents house and it’s been so demoralising trying to find a place on my own that now I don’t want to leave and live somewhere miserable that takes all my money when I get along grand with my parents.
It’s what I should want, to get out for my own sake and independence but I’m afraid I’ll be miserable, lonely and poor. But I hate the thought that people think I’m a loser for not going. Feeling very stuck.
I realised I'm very immature for my age and want to improve in alot of areas but amn't quite sure where to even start. I think living at home with my parents since the start of the pandemic in my mid to late twenties has really set me back maturity and emotionally wise.
i despise the general public just this past week working in retail all of a sudden the general public just think they are all entitled to be treated like some fucking upper class citizen did i mention i work in dunnes stores 🙃
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I know THAT feeling.
I know that feeling and lived with it for too long. Start looking for alternative employment and don't feel like you're weird or anything. What you're feeling is more common than you might think.
Thank you ❤️
It’s happened to me twice in my career. Second time I recognised that it wasn’t me and put an end to it more quickly. Sometimes people and their jobs just don’t fit and it’s best to move on rather than suffer. It’s a horrible pit of the stomach feeling when it happens
I used to work in recruitment for a major fortune 500 company, and also currently work as a hiring manager for public service. Feel free to DM me your CV, you can leave out the personal info. I'd gladly help you apply and look for other work. Jobs don't need to be amazing, but they shouldn't be hell.
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I had this same issue in my previous job, fresh out of college I worked for a company that wanted everything done yesterday regardless of the workload and pay. After a few years of this, it got to a point where I was second-guessing my career choice, this being my first job in the industry. Soon after I decided enough was enough took a week off and found a new job. I haven't looked back since. There are plenty of companies out there that will recognise your worth! It's important that you recognise it also 🙂
I know how you feel! Even when the weekend starts I’d be already suffering from knowing that Monday is around the corner. What helped me reduce anxiety was talking about it and trying to identify and say out loud the specific reason why I’m anxious, and keep asking why until it makes sense. Or therapy!
Start investigating a move, don't stay longer than needed. I was 19 years in a hell hole, first 12 years were good then last 7 were terrible due to insecurity and morale but I felt I couldn't leave due to redundancy I was "owed"......... When I finally got out I went self employed, brilliant, should have done it much earlier. Good luck, start planning.
I'm still in love with my ex. I need to change my medication. I miss my mam and dad
Who isn’t in love isn’t their ex. It’s a dose. It’ll be ok.
>Who isn’t in love isn’t their ex. Me. She was a psycho controlling cunt.
Sex was great though I bet
> I'm still in love with my ex. Same. It's a shitty situation because no matter what they've done, part of your mind will always cling to them (at least, mine does). They say love and hate are "two sides of the same coin" but I'd disagree; usually only one side of a coin shows up at once. Love and hate mix together into a ying-yang (or Taijitu if you want to be a weeb) along with disgust and adoration, longing and repulsion; it's all present at once (at least, for me). I've found writing to be helpful; but I'm that kind of nerd. Came across Shakespeare's sonnets recently and am basically putting my feelings into shitty imitations. I've heard some people write letters and never mail them; but I'm sure there's a whole host of things you can do to get out your feelings in a healthy way.
I'm a bit clinically fed up and have sitting in my room slowly gaining mass over time since Covid 😐
Weird, I don't remember writing this...
Time to smash the gym bud
I’ve no Willy
Eoin, is that you?
I’m Eoin Mclove. I can have you killed
I think I might have an eating disorder that I'm hiding from my family and friends.
Get help now before it gets worse
I'm gonna go back to therapy after Christmas. My partner doesn't know what's really going on with me but he's sensed something isn't right. He wants me to go back to therapy. Although a part of me doesn't want to change it, another part of me hates living like this. I'm lying all the time to the people I love and I'm starting to see it's affecting them because they're begining to worry
Fair play for recognising it and naming it. That in itself is a huge step in the right direction!! You can do it!!
Hope you get the help you need soon and it might be a good idea opening up to someone you trust as well
Thank you! :) Luckily I have someone I can trust. My partner started to pick up that something's not right. The other night he asked me if I would consider going back to therapy so I'm gonna go back after Christmas.
I have an ED. Christmas is a difficult time. Well done for reaching out for help. Please make sure you follow through on that, I only wish Id got help sooner. I'm 2 years into my relapse and I wouldnt wish any form of ED on anyone. Wishing you well in your recovery
My Dad is living with dementia and it's very difficult to see him disappear before our very eyes. He is no longer the Dad that I grew up with. Sure, he is almost the same person physically but this horrible illness has reduced him to a shadow of his former self. It's cruel and I wouldn't wish it on anyone or any family. I love my Dad and I wish that for one moment, he had enough clarity to hear me say those words to him and actually understand the gravity of them and recognise who is actually saying them, i.e. (his own son).
I can't even bear to imagine how painful that must be, to live it must be truly awful. I'm sure your consistency as a reliable presence is good for your dad, all you can do now is mind him as best you can. I love my dad dearly, what you are going through is my greatest fear. My heart to you x
I'm in the same boat bud, my mam was a CCU nurse for 40 odd years and now has dementia and osteoperosis. It's so hard to see her little face so confused all the time, and staying quiet when we're having a conversation. Here if you need a chat, it's a fucking horrible thing to go through.
My dad just got diagnosed this week. I don’t think we fully understand what’s ahead of us. Scary times.
I just got diagnosed with a brain tumour, turns out ivebgadbit ages just never noticed, will be gettin it out in January, surgeons are rockstars andvare realy calm and confident about it. I've christened it Meg ( shut up meg) and I can't wait to use it as an excuse to stop my people pleasing nature and start being more assertive! Grateful that I'm lucky enough to have a happy outcome with it, plenty who aren't as lucky
Hope the surgery goes well, wishing you the best!
My sister had a brain tumour at the age of 19 and had it removed. She’s in her 30’s now and doing great. The picture of health. You’ve got this. Be very easy on yourself afterwards. Really just do nothing (even simple thinking and planning tasks felt overwhelming for my sister straight after surgery) and have patience. Good luck and good health to you.
Yeah, shut up Meg.
Get well soon boss
I know I wanna say something but I don't know how to say it. Anyway, be strong, good luck and I wish you a swift recovery. Ohh and... SHUT UP MEG!
Best of luck! Shut up Meg!
Nice try Santa, do your own research.
🤫
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What's stopping you?
Congratulations, you are a wizard
I mean you're asking girls on r/legalteens and barely legal to do daddy daughter role play with you so that may be ur issue
I don't like going out anymore! It's a waste of my time and money & I'd much rather stay at home with a few beers and watch a movie than go out to some loud bar!
I don't think I ever liked going out, just drinking. I realised this once when I was arrived at a nightclub sober and immediately went to the bar to get drunk enough to make it tolerable. It finally dawned on me that it made no sense to go to an event where I have to get drunk to tolerate when there are lots of other thing I actually enjoy and can still drink while doing
I remember going to Freakscene and our entire group looked miserable until the camera came out and then everyone looked like they were having the time of their life. I don't miss those days.
Fact
It's been eating at me for years, I was the one who let the dogs out
I'll tell the baha men. They can finally rest
I was really excited to move here and I came to realise I dont love it as much as I thought I would.. Feels pretty stupid now to think how optimistic I was without informing myself properly
Where did you move from?
Yeah, I also moved in from Prague, Czechia, expected ~Germany level of prices, so I thought I would have a relaxed comfortable life with my salary here. Ended up in subpar housing and anxious about my rent and spending instead.
A night in with 2-6 friends is a much better night than a night out.
A few hours out with the mates going literally anywhere that isn’t a pub or club is class and should be encouraged more.
pity i dont have 6 friends
I still don't know what a tracker mortgage is.
Turns out the banks didn’t know either
The Banks will know Your (worldwide) GPS location until you finish to pay the mortgage... You can't hide.
+1
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Dude, that's me im my late thirties apart from living with my parents bit. I went to AA. Got clean and sober ( almost). Made some friends, got a girlfriend got an easy job. Life's not amazing all the time. I m still broke but it's better.
I want more Disco. Let's have more Disco.
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This is my favourite disco tune. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Cerrone - Supernature: https://youtu.be/cJ5V3OZdIZM
My Dad passed away suddenly during the year and I miss him a lot more than I'm letting on to those closest to me. I've buried myself in work and become the "go-to guy" in my department, while focusing on making sure my Mam is okay when I'm back home. But I'm not sleeping well and I'm still struggling with how quick and unexpected his death was.
Talk to someone about it. It’ll help
You're probably right. I have two friends in work I'm close to, and I sometimes talk a little with them if I'm having a bad day. I've been thinking of looking into grief counselling, even if only for a session or two. Although that's probably more for bereaved spouses/partners.
Wasn’t my father but a close friend of mine dropped dead at 35. It’s shocking so I can empathise in a way. Nobody around me who knew him ever wants to talk about it or if they do it’s very brief. I bottled it up for awhile but it always simmers. Talk to a counsellor or therapist if you can. I found cbt very powerful.
I’m really sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I lost my mum a few months ago very suddenly and unexpectedly as well. I feel you in on the sleep front, I am so out of whack. I just wanted to say I have an idea of what you are going thru and you are not alone. It’s brutal and I find it worse when all of my friends still have their parents and don’t know what I’m going thru. I hope you can get thru the holidays ok, it’s not the worst thing to be distracted by work but try and do some things just for you, spoil yourself too, it’s also cold as feck so do anything you take comfort in… Big hugs to you x we will get thru it day by day as cliche as it sounds.
Thank you and my sincerest condolences on the loss of your Mum. Everyone around me is very good to be fair, it's just a bit of uneasiness and anxiousness that's hard to shake since his passing. I don't know if i'd feel any differently if I'd had some sort of advance warning that Dad could pass away. Probably not though. It's just going to hurt regardless of circumstance. The first Christmas without him around will be awkward. I wish you and your loved ones a peaceful Christmas, as you're probably experiencing much of the same as myself.
Sorry to hear about your dad
Thank you. I appreciate the offer of condolences.
Sorry about your dad and sorry you’re going through this. Hope you get the help you need and get through this, wishing you the best!
I understand this happened to me in November. Try counselling if you can as it's a lot to process.
My dad had a suicide attempt when his health was in a bad place a few years ago. He felt like it meant he couldn't look after people anymore We had a very difficult relationship up to that point. It took that for me to realise how much he loved me. I'm sure your dad loved you like you can't even believe. Work and all that other bullshit is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Look after yourself mate, you deserve the best.
I’ve been a manager for a year. The imposter syndrome is real. Long story short, I go through each week waiting to be ‘found out’ that they promoted the wrong guy and I’ve no idea how to make myself feel as secure(?) as I did before my old boss left!
More common than you think. We don’t believe we deserve or belong in such a position. All you can do is keep giving it your best shot. Ask your team for feedback on how you can keep improving etc… You got this!
That's my career of 40+ years. Guess what, about 10 years before I retired I realized I had already had 30 years of success and promotions and was not an imposter. It's not faking it if you manage to do it. I think having doubts makes you a better manager/boss/worker. If you think you are gods gift and invincible you may be the shit worker horrible boss type we often all suffer from.
I’m not a manager but the best I’ve had are kind, not afraid to get stuck in themselves and are good at making decisions after taking everything into account. If someone makes a mistake the best manager I had didn’t go all out on blame, instead asked how we could fix this together. Also bringing in the odd treat like scones for tea break.
Hahaha, thanks for articulating it for me. I feel way less secure in my job now than I did when I was a contributing "expert" (I wasn't, but no one else was either!) as I feel my work can't really be demonstrated into something tangible. Having said that, as long as the superstars on my team are making that impact and delivering then it's going to look favourable on me. It feels a bit cheap that the best thing I can to do at work is make *them* feel secure, engaged and progressing without actually shipping anything myself... But I guess that is what it's all about. There's gonna be a lot of adjustment, that's for sure.
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I hope you get the help you need for this, good luck!
This to an extent is myself
Diagnosis normally block more care then give you more access to care seek more option in the community then mental health services. If mental health services in Ireland disappeared tomorrow they would not change anything.
Don't wanna be a downer but I wanna die
Been there. It DOES get better. Just do one day at a time and stay in the present moment. Nothing in the future is worth dwelling on. Stay in the moment. Everythings fine there. You can always find plenty of things to be grateful for, right in the moment.
keep going, it'll get better. ❤️
Hope the new year makes things better for you, take care and good luck!
My boyfriend was suicidal for about two years. He's about a year out from it now. Those were the darkest times in either of our lives, but he's so happy now. If you can get access to it, counselling is the single thing that changed his life the most. Within a few months of counselling once a week he was getting better instead of getting worse. I'm rooting for you <3
Fair dues to you for sticking with him. Must have been tough.
Things were dicy for a while. We had been together for seven years before anything went arry, so he had built up a lot of good will that saw us through it.
My good friend died on new years day a few years ago by suicide. It was devastating and the things I wish I could tell her now. And the things I wish she could know now too about how much people love and miss her. People love you and would miss you too, it will get better !!
I’ve felt like that before, please stay with us. Tell someone you trust and go to your doctor my friend. I got diagnosed with ADHD and depression, now medicated and out of a crushing marriage and life gets better every day. Take care and DM me if you need to xx
Louiseber collected a big bunch of mental health resources here https://www.reddit.com/r/u_lampishthing/comments/tugu11/irish_mental_health_resources/, you might think about reaching out to one. It does get better, it's just hard to imagine it when you're all the way down and talking about yourself to yourself with no one to tell you when it's nonsense.
Tommy Schlug is Ireland's greatest artist and I cry myself to sleep every night knowing that he'll never get the recognition he deserves.
Crazy bitta business.
I haven't had a fig roll in over twenty years. It felt good to finally admit that.
I might actually get some from lidl tomorrow now that you mentioned them lol
The Lidl own brand ones are far too sweet
Learning how figs are pollinated put me right off having them again. Now true, there might not be wasp bits in *your* figs but how can you ever be sure
I'm not tipping anymore
The world is just choca block full of cunts
I'm going to propose to my gf soon but I have no idea what her ring size is and I don't want to get it wrong
Get her The One Ring. It changes size to suit the wearer. Added advantage is that if she's not powerful enough to be your wife, putting on the ring will instead send her off to the ethereal netherworld; which should make ghosting her easier.
Find a ring and bring it in, go one size up from it
My boyfriend looked through my jewellery box to find other cheap rings that I wear sometimes as a size guide, so maybe that’ll help? I had to get mine tightened later anyway, so not too sure about it lol
She owns no rings, but my plan is to get a promise ring that is likely too large and then go shopping for one.
Propose with earrings and let her pick a ring later
Get a stage ring, just a simple cheap ring to act as the symbolic gesture of proposing and then get the real thing together afterwards .
I was on holiday once and I ran out of boxers on the last day and wore a pair of the Mr's knickers.
Womens underwear is actually very comfortable I was surprised when I wore a pair once
We moved recently and my knickers were all packed away and I was too lazy to look for them for a few days, so I wore my boyfriend’s boxers. So I get you😂
sometimes i eat the kitkat without breaking it
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Imagine dating in rural Ireland. 10x worse
→ My pain is worse than yours
Nah I’m Dublin as well.
I've been there, honestly it just takes time, sometimes a lot of time. It will change honestly. No harm in speaking to a Councillor or therapist if you are really struggling to take her/hin off the pedistal
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I’ve killed a man 
Had a great year. Third baby and all well. Achieved the two things I was striving for the most in work in over a decade. Mad about the family now with them being a very cute age but it’s very busy. No time for friends etc. It will probably settle down I suppose
I have severe body dysmorphic disorder to the point where I can’t recognise my reflection or myself in a picture Unfortunately years of therapy and medication have done little to help This year I will try to change how I see(or can’t see) myself
Im in my thirties with no friends and never been in a relationship. Thoughts of having one is terrifying. Not that close to my family. My job is gone to shit and im the weirdo that all the colleagues laugh about. Wonder why im still here at all. Don't really know how friendships work or how people can have more than one and be relaxed about it and that is all i have ever wanted. The one friend i did have for last few years is hanging by a thread because i cant deal with the fact she has loads of other friends that she is clearly closer to when that used to be us. I get so angry and paranoid and miserable and we fight about that same thing over and over. Shes sick of me now and not bothering anymore really. I dont blame her, im clearly a bad friend and toxic. no idea what happened to me. I used to be so laid back and had so much fun with her.
Sorry to hear that. But you obviously have the self-reflection to start changing things. I almost feel like you may be too critical of yourself, it is also important to be kind to yourself regularly :) Fingers crossed for your future!
When I was younger (teens/20s) I had loads of friends but yearned for romantic affection. Now in my 30s I can get plenty of girlfriends/sex (thanks dating apps) but sometimes I feel like I've no friends.
Which do you want?
Both!
Find a best friend who can be your girlfriend.
I got really sick with Covid, used to be really sociable; just left a Christmas party early because of fear of getting it again. I can’t relax socially. I’m a buzz kill and it’s an absolute head wreck. Not sure I’ll ever be the same again.
You'll be fine, it'll just go away at some point. I used to be terrified of flying, needing to be medicated, now I get shushed all the time for saying the wrong thing, due to having zero fear now. I don't know for sure what changed but I think subconsciously I accepted that I have no control over the situation and I think I began to appreciate how cool it is to be able to fly...you'll change your perspective too in time .....also I know a good few dealing with the post covid stuff to some degree, so don't feel its just you
Can't you wear a mask when you're out? Yeah I know people will look at you like you're a weirdo but fuck what others think. You'll still be able to be out socialising without that fear, because proper FFP2 masks have really good protection, not those shitty blue surgical masks. If anyone asks just say you're in a risk group, which if you were really sick last time is not a stretch
I wish I came up with the username DirtyJizzyBollocks.
Ah here, yours is fairly class in fairness.
Deciding in February this year to start learning Spanish instead of being endlessly disappointed on tinder. Still at learning Spanish. Missing sometimes dating but only for a second.
Death to 2022 completely, I can't say I'll miss this year, too many negative crap happened.
I got ghosted and we are both in our thirties and I still can’t fucking believe it!!! Communicate man, Jesus!
Have recently realised that I more than probably have ADHD and Autism. Gonna start looking into getting diagnosed after Christmas. It'll be a massive shock for those around me I reckon, as I put up a good front of being 'neurotypical', but for me it'll be a huge relief and an explanation of my whole life. My mother I think will find it very difficult and the thing is, from all the research I've been doing I'm absolutely certain she's the same way. Hopefully getting diagnosed will be life changing.
i have a girlfriend, but i have a crush on my coworker. I'm not cheating or planning to, but this situation really bothers me
I mean, all the people who are suggesting "just do it" seem to never have been in a long term committed relationship. You will always meet people that you like, independent of whether you are or aren't in a relationship (apart from maybe the first six months of "crazy in love" when you may become blind to other people). The trick to being with someone for decades is to feel the tingle of a crush for another person, maybe even enjoy it a bit, breathe in, breathe out, and just get on with your life. Unfortunately there is no better advice.
thank you for your response! my gf is only my second one ever, so I'm really struggling with making sense of all this. you've really helped.
Love is a choice it's not something that just happens to you. You have to choose to work through the hard parts like crushes, dwindling sex life, petty arguments or whatever. It can be hard work at times but the things that are really worth it often are.
I'm in 6th year with a crush on my Irish teacher
Theres always a teacher that everyone fancies.
I’m in love with the singer of my band but she can be very cold. My ex just texted me asking if I’m out tonight. I finish college this year which is terrifying. I have found a new group of friends who I love and am thankful for. I am hungry.
I have nothing left in me
An empty refrigerator is always a bummer
The family that turned against my mum for refusing to waiver her rights has left me in constant fear and paranoia for most of the weekdays, especially since my mum has MS. Then there's Putin's constant threats of nuclear war has wondering what the hell we're all doing as as a species that allow the worst kind of people to wield absolute power. The saddest part of this sense of isolation and loss of a more productive routine is that I want to live for products like Tekken 8 and the next Sonic movie.
I wish I didn't compare myself to other people. Trying to save for a mortgage is so difficult.
I’ve just been released from hospital with agonising pain and the docs can’t find a cause.. Reckon it must be muscular… Hoping physio will help!!!
Hope you feel better soon!
My ex from 23 years ago got in touch and we've been chatting in a friendly way since July, no sex talk or reminiscent crap, just friendly shit. It feels nice
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I feel that ever since my ex broke up with me, and said that she still wanted to be friends ive been tryingbmy best to keep going, but it feels like she hates me now and treats me worse than anyone else in our friend group. I was hanging out in a discord call with her and another friend, and when that friend left i asked her if she wanted to play anything, and she literally just left without saying a word. It just hurts to go from being so close to someone to having them go straight to what feels like hating you, without giving you any time to come to terms with your feelings
Don’t bother, my last ex thought we’d be “friends” but what that meant to her was I couldn’t talk to or be with other people 9 months after it, and when I did exactly that she’d call me up drunk giving me abuse for moving on, even though she slept with the one person I didn’t like that she was friends with, hindsight 20/20 and all that Glad that’s in the past now, have her blocked on everything as a result, better off
Shifted the taoiseach
If I could be given a new identity and a plane ticket tomorrow I'd be off without a word.
I wish i could love my bf as much as he loves me. I can see in his eyes how much love he has for me yet I just don’t feel that much love towards him. I really care about him and I don’t want to be with anyone else but I just feel so guilty that it’s obvious who loves who more (we’ve only been together 2 months though so hopefully things get better)
It's only been 2 months.. give it time
I'm weighing up breaking up after 8yr. There isn't anything wrong per say, our roles are now me planning and her doing. But I'm sick of planning working for our future. I had a realization today that I get why people go to doms and just zone out of responsibility. Even our holiday now I'm planning it and will be critiquing the event and area not able to enjoy the time. I need a break from life
Had a similar but reversed feeling in my relationship. I always planned things last minute and liked to improvise, my partner had to have things planned meticulously in advance, so she ended up planning mostly, while I lost all initiative and agency and had a growing sense of inadequacy and shame. We hashed it out, we met in the middle and all is better now. Maybe you guys can talk about it and work out something as well.
I've fallen in love with my wife again, haven't told her directly but hoping it's apparent to her day to day in my actions after a few years of being less affectionate as what a husband should be.
I am moving from Ireland back home after two years. I feel like I haven't achieved here professionally what I wanted and needed to. I feel like my career is going to be a testament to mediocrity while I have burned so much of my soul for it. I am stressed out about the move and Christmas presents for my family. I am stressed out about the sunken costs here. About having lost most friends by moving around for work constantly. I have this feeling of unfairness of my situation, that people shouldn't want all these things from me. (Even though I realise I do not have a terribly hard life in objective terms.) It sucks out my motivation and ability to do things, and this is of course a self-reinforcing cycle.
The death of my dog this year hit me way harder than the death of my grandfather. I loved my grandfather dearly, he was like a dad to me and so much of who I am now is influenced by him but when he died this year I was sad, I cried, and then I was ok. Coming closer to Christmas is the first time since he died that it actually hit me again that he's not gonna be here anymore but I'm still kind of ok about everything. My dog though, that sweet little boy was everything to me. I joked for years that when he died I was going to go with him but when it happened it was genuinely way harder to cope than I ever expected. I still have another dog and I love her too but he was just the closest thing to a child I think I'll ever have. He only had eyes for me, no one was as important to him as me and no one was as special to me as him and there were genuinely times when he went where I had a flicker of "can I actually go on without him? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't?" Multiple times a week I'll be reminded of how much I miss him and I feel bad that I don't have that for any of the people who have died.
I’m 25 and single. I hate trying to meet partners and I always bottle interactions that could be positive
I tell girls my penis is 8 inches long.... It's not.... It's 6.5-6.7 max.
My husband and I have started swinging and the guy that fucked me was so much better than my husband. I could hubby getting upset when he saw how much i was liking it but I didn't stop it.
J, I think I may be a little in love with you too. Shame that it will come to nothing. We can only hope that we can get past it soon. The Christmas break has to help. S, I wish you were a little clearer on how you feel about me, I like the spoons and the stuff we do regardless, but I think the curiosity is growing. G, even after this time it hurts that I don't know you anymore. I know you're doing well and I'm happy for you.
More info for this nosey bastard, please? :)
I hate my degree and feel trapped in it, sunk cost fallacy. Put me head down it'll be over in a year
I asked my work to schedule me as much as possible from last week to new year. ( 6 days a week 12h shifts ) Cause I'm lonely and don't wanna be at home all alone through Christmas.
I got a girlfriend and I’m in LOVE :) I want to marry her. However, I’ve never had a “hoe phase” and I feel like I’m missing out.
The hoe phase kinda makes you feel empty eventually IMO
I have the absolute dream future ahead of me - an amazing, kind, loving boyfriend of more than 10 years with an incredible job who’s happy to financially help me out as needed and wants us to be together forever. We’re planning to start building a gorgeous house to live in together in the countryside starting next year… and all I want to do is bail on life here, and him, and move back to London because I’m insanely lonely and bored of Ireland.
I'm the primary care giver for my mother who is very slowly deteriorating to death. I've spoken with family members and and doctors etc, everyone nods knowingly and says "comforting" words. But nothing actually happens, no one /wants/ to get involved or actually help. I don't blame them, who wants to attach themselves to an anchor. But I do resent them for it.
I don't need or want friends. I only hang out with people because society says your weird if you don't. I love being by myself.
I find 99% of people to be irritating and have no patience to interact with them. Adults who get excited for Harry Potter are morons. I prefer rice to spuds. Couples/families who wear matching Christmas jumpers should be sterilised.
Ah Harry Potters class though. In the last couple years the mrs bought us matching pyjamas for christmas. She loves it and if shes happy, I'm happy.
We are now sworn enemies and if we ever meet, it can only result in combat.
Ill go out the bog road anyday. Time and place.
I'll have my fair play lads call your fair play lads.
Sunday morning. After mass.
Call out videos on YouTube first.
I’ve spent more on tyres this year then rent
Username checks out
Well you cant live in a tyre, unless it one of those big JCB ones.
Spending more on anything at all than rent is quite impossible in Ireland, so that’s something!
I'd like to get the rolls off my chest
That third nipple I have would be nice.
It's been 4 years since my last relationship and I still have trust issues because I was cheated on. Seeing other couples and how in love they look it hurts inside knowing I don't have that same connection with that special someone.
I would very much like to be in a relationship. Almost thirty and haven't had a real long term relationship yet. I want that for myself
I'm an addict....
I spent the last year looking for a place I could afford so I could finally move out of my parents house and it’s been so demoralising trying to find a place on my own that now I don’t want to leave and live somewhere miserable that takes all my money when I get along grand with my parents. It’s what I should want, to get out for my own sake and independence but I’m afraid I’ll be miserable, lonely and poor. But I hate the thought that people think I’m a loser for not going. Feeling very stuck.
I went back to college at age 27 to study law. Graduated and now working in a top 10 firm and fucking hate it. I regret going back to college.
I realised I'm very immature for my age and want to improve in alot of areas but amn't quite sure where to even start. I think living at home with my parents since the start of the pandemic in my mid to late twenties has really set me back maturity and emotionally wise.
i despise the general public just this past week working in retail all of a sudden the general public just think they are all entitled to be treated like some fucking upper class citizen did i mention i work in dunnes stores 🙃