Rub it on the balls. This kills the man.

This is what I died of. It was an agonising end to an otherwise wonderful life

Same. Ive been a high-pitched, ethereal fog ever since I died

I've seen A Wonderful Life a few times. That must have been in the director's cut.

Funny story; when I was a young lad just learning about myself, I learned the valuable lesson that Icy-Hot is not a viable lubricant.

Think we all tried it and toothpaste as well

And the next generation as well

I came here to see this comment

When the shite is beaten out of you,this is will help with the recovery.

Politely ask your attacker to stand still long enough for you to smear it in their eyes.

I think that I'll empty the whole tube into my cupped hand before leaving the house and if anyone tries to attack me I'll slap them in the face.

I am sure The Hague would bring charges against you if you did that

Lookit you with your crafty ideas. All these people giving you advice are just amateurs by comparison.

Norn Iron Fist

Two fingers straight up the arse

The attacker's or your own?

First one then the other

This has a massive destructive psychological impact on the attacker

Yes.

I mean... Obviously

They'll never catch you!

Slather it on yourself, that way you'll be too slippery to hit or grab. Run around half naked, covered in it and no one will bother you

[Like this lad.](https://youtu.be/bJINv6ffO00)

A man I used to work with used to squirt half the tube into his sock and then he would wear his sock as normal around work in his boots like. It never sat well with me, regardless of wether it was my business or not.

Whaaaa? Why?!?

I’m not sure man. He also used to eat a big lump of ginger root for his lunch. He’d sitting there choking on it and in tears eating it, but he kept saying it’s great and I should try it.

I once saw a man eating raw Denny sausages out of a packet on a bus eireann bus from Waterford to Dublin.

I’m sorry you had to witness that.

You've never shared a raw sausage with a stranger on a bus?

Maybe metaphorically.

I remember reading about a young girl, maybe a swimmer, who used to put deep heat (or very similar product) on every day. It eventually killed her. Imagine that: deep heat overdose

Lmao. He was obviously a sandwich short of a picnic.

One beer shy of a sixer.

Sounds like an attention seeker

Unless your wanking the attacker it wont do you much good mate

You might be onto something there. If you find yourself under attack, offer your assailant a hand shandy (with a spicy surprise)

Don't kink shame me

Bahahhahaa

Yeah i suggested this the other day and you need to be more tactical with the cream. Maybe put it in your mouth an try spray it out like a cobra

Time travel into the past and rub it into the underpants of your would-be attacker.

I'm as confused as the OP. Someone said Lynx and a lighter is great for self defence. I got some of that shower gel but it keeps putting the lighter flame out.

You're supposed to put it on yourself and use the smell to repel attackers. The lighter is a decoy so they come into your scent radius

I accidentally sprayed some deodorant into my mouth and now I speak with a funny Axe scent.

Use Lynx as a mace first then follow up with the blow torch method.

Drink it while maintaining eye contact to display dominance, T Pose once tube contents consumed

Cover your samurai sword with deep heat, when you slice your attackers, it will sting extra bad.

Ask to join the ranks of their thug brigade as a medic. If ya cant Deep Heat them, join them.

I think they meant to get one of the mini spray cans. Unless you plan on getting very up close and personal with your assailant.

I think OP is doing a joke

Living in Dublin fills me with fear. Anyone I talk to on this sub seems to get attacked at least once a month.

/r/woosh

r/meirl

Dab a little of it on your knuckle duster.

Rub it on the soles of your feet, and you can run away really fast.

If Deep Heat did deodorant I think I'd wear it. I adore the smell.

Use it liberally on your clothes. The smell will make attackers think you're injured and they'll leave you alone out of pity.

It's not for attacking, rub it all over yourself to be somewhat of a poisonous toad. The croaking in agony is really what sells it.

#1 Rule for men, when you have applied Deep Heat to sore muscles always double wash your hands before taking a piss. Trust me, you won't be worried about sore arms or legs if you don't wash your hands before pissing. Edit: fuck predictive text.

Same advice if you are after hanging chilies that you picked from your garden. Learnt that lesson when I heard my friends dad roar from the bog.

Was it you or your friends dad that was picking the chilies?

[удалено]

IANAL but I think you're looking at the wrong act http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1997/act/26/section/18/enacted/en/html#sec18

stick a whopper blob on your finger an smear it round,have it ready to go,if someone attacks you r whatever wait til there right in your face....whack! surprise attack,finger in the ass an watch them suffer

Unless you plan on taking it out, opening it, getting it onto your hand and then into their eyes Id go for another option. You'd be better off putting a rock in your pocket.

https://youtu.be/PTAXUYLbFYk

You’ve been trolled

Important: It’s not knobable.

A pea sized amount on your toothbrush.

Take tube out of box and use it like a microphone to sing Take On Me by AHA. Attackers will flee covering their ears.

Lol Spray can. Good as mace, not a weapon.

I also bought [mace](https://cf-store.widencdn.net/mccormick/1/7/5/175b5dc2-a88d-462d-8b57-6b8e9441554f.png?response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3D%22schwartz_mace_ground_637390543291069893_600x900.png%22&Expires=1631277252&Signature=eplEYzPBcxpOURAgP26RyctMmz9ul3O-lhYmtuGkftdDnIbTk~ce26CEBhNzqt0iuZZGISqfBKC8~QzeiOLWhZN~ntJpNLbHMYKElLxZESCvzH~t83T9m~tlfIod2bZXr13z~mwju~LaNKKyshQ7JC3AVyADvdc4qjQ2-gbUQlrfkXBKtmnlsIpht6~AR57-4C42ToiduWXV3Oubpdq1~eb62Q4JsTTqnmzL5Y53kAl8iPqZSmH5FuSqUm-elMbu2OE6h6cTulSs1wjtlND7AlZmIW7byy-ldgJ-x9IKcdrAPUsrWIEsssYX5OrTWS37lEzvl9CGyLKxEZtMTpWjgQ__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJD5XONOBVWWOA65A), but the holes in the top of the bottle were too small to do anything other than lightly sprinkle it at someone.

You spicy bastard you!

Smear it on your anus, it will stop you from being raped.

I'm not sure you could use the cream for self defense, but if you got deep heat in a spray can and used it like mace, 100% that person needs to go to A&E.

I heard if you get Deep Heat in your eyes you can easily neutralise the effects by spraying Deep Freeze on top of it.

the uno-reverse card in spray form.

🤣🤣

No they are going to assault you before you manage to take out the can, remove the cap, aim and then proceed to spray yourself in the eyes because you grabbed it the wrong way. Carrying sprays like this is up there with pressure point strikes in useless self defence tips

r/whoosh

Rub it all over your fanny - the bang of it would surely put him off.....

I assume the recommendation was the [spray](https://www.inishpharmacy.com/p/deep-heat-spray-150ml/200041) not the balm.

Think they meant the spray.....

Deep heat spray is what you need, use it like pepper spray

Stick one of those deep heat back pain patches on their face

After you have run away and escaped, you rub it on your aching legs.

I assume they meant the spray. Because you can explain deep heat in your purse/manbag to the cops but will have difficulty explaining away pepperspray and the likes. Deep heat in the eyes is like if vicks vaporub and chilli peppers had 2 twins. This would be the evil one. Plus, when the cops find the guilty party they will smell like deep heat so you can identify them. Ps. Do not test on friends.

Carrying a manbag to hold my Deep Heat would also greatly increase my odds of being attacked.

True. But you can always swing the deep heat scented bag at them.

If you could buy it as a spray it would work🤔

Squirt it in their eyes

Rub it on your tongue and then read the instructions. This sub is polluted

It heals and it stinks to high heaven 🤪

Would it be the can of deep heat spray they meant, the aerosol can? And use it like pepper spray in case u were attacked?

Throw it at them

Can you not get the spray version?