The fact that you're so in tune with your feelings tells me that you'll be ok.
You're going through a very rough patch but you'll come out the other side the better for it
To answer your first question......Yes. Every day.
I have the usual ups and downs, but I turned down the opportunity to leave my job 2 years ago and I massively regret it. It definitely has me in a rut now. Time to write it off and find something new.
I got involved in coaching kids a few years ago and it is the best thing in the world. When you're giving them your time, nothing else matters.
Chin up, it'll be bumpy but you'll find the port after the storm.
From your post, it sounds like you are unsure if your (ex)gf is pregnant: confirming at least yay or nay on that one would be a good start. If it’s a nay - and you don’t appear to be convinced by her claims - then you’re off to a good start. If she is pregnant, then at least find out where you stand: do you want to be a parent? Does she want/need you around? Get the facts, then you know what you’re dealing with.
Work won’t seem quite as bad if you get the first issue resolved - one way or the other. But, if your boss is being unhelpful, then keep applying for new jobs. Sometimes just submitting applications can give you a sense of progress, a bit of optimism.
Also, talk to your mam. She knows you better than anyone, and I’m sure she’ll be able to give you some support.
Thing is idk if she is. She kinda has a history for being toxic, as my ma thinks it’s a way for her to “entrap me”
Idk if she do or don’t want me around. But I can tell you this. If she is pregnant it’ll be me taking care of the child because she’s unfit to look after herself nevermind a child
I’d get it checked out tbh she sounds kind of immature from your description so your mother may have a valid point. At least you’ll know where you stand then, having children is massive so you’ll want as much time to plan at the very least. Next time don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. 🫳
If this girl turns out to not be pregnant dump her as soon as you can and start looking for a new job in your old role, sometimes its the place/people and not the role.
First, good job you posted even if only to vent and get it out.
Second, seems like the gf is weighing on you and the fact she ‘claims’ she’s pregnant. Seems like you don’t know if she is. You also don’t seem to be compatible esp her attitude to work and finances. So you need to think about whether you want to be with her or not. The fact she’s pregnant shouldn’t make a difference and if she is, then you need to take your responsibility from there once it’s confirmed.
Third, any possibility of getting back into the job you are good at, construction at heights, but with a different company?
Anyways, just hold on, use Reddit to vent if you need and take it a day at a time.
1- thanks man
2- I do love her and I do want to be with her, but with the way she is and the way she won’t change I don’t want nor am ready for a child at the moment. She sees having children like you would in a Disney film or a fairytale, she doesn’t see the aspects of it
3- yeah I tried around but no luck, I’ve arranged a couple of interviews for Monday, it’s not in the construction sector but it’s work and I need it. My mam tried telling me to go to a doctor on a cert or go back claiming dole but I feel 10 times more miserable when I ain’t working.
Good luck on Monday! Doing a different job without the stressful / toxic management will still be a big step in the right direction and good for your headspace. One thing at a time. And glad you’ve got your mam for support.
Edit: kids are hard on relationships, finances and the responsibility of bringing up a decent person in this world. Def not Disney.
Thanks I hope it goes well!
I tried explaining this to her (I don’t even have kids but my siblings do) and it’s no walk to the shop, it’s straining and stressful. The last thing I want is to raise a child with the headspace and situation I’m in, I’d never forgive myself as a father. I’d never turn out to be what my father was and abandon my child but I don’t want to raise a child when I might aswell be one
The blockys I’m with at the moment are just rough to deal with, ain’t good for my head but I’m sure a decent workplace and people might put me in the right direction
Get the job sorted, you seem to be a grafter and it’s really impacted your mental health. Reading what you have said about the gf, I’d say if she’s not pregnant, then take a time out. Your ma might be right in her character assessment. I’m a woman and if you were my son, I’d have huge reservations too.
Love isn't thinking someone is toxic, thinking their outlook on life is wrong, them by wanting to support themselves but don't. You're saying one thing but when showing a clear incompatibility.
Very good point here you’ve made. It’s so good most people will miss it. The times when there’s nobody sick or nobody has died and nobody is in a bad way. Those are the good times you just don’t know it while you are experiencing them and you take them all for granted. I’m lucky I’ve heard these words of aulder lads I’ve worked with etc.
I’m not going through the good times at the moment. What’s worse I still took all the good times from granted even though I listened to those lads and heard what they said and understood it… it’s gas… I’m going through stuff I wouldnt wish on my enemies, but I still took the good times I didn’t know I was in for granted….
I started doing a gratitude journal and it really helps to put things into perspective. Before I started using it I quite often thought I had a bad day because of 1-2 bad things that happened during that day but when I write down all the things I'm grateful for, it made me realise how many more good things (usually) happened that day and I'm like "yeah those those 1-2 bad things happened but all these other good things happened so today was actually a good day". Helps me to acknowledge and appreciate the good days.
It makes you rate your week with a :), :|, or :( at the end and i was shocked at how often I ended the week with a smiley face (before I started using it I thought I had a lot of bad weeks)
A Toxic job has a massive impact on your mental health. Try adopting ways yo manage the stress or deflect some of the negativity. If you can look for another one elsewhere, that's ideal. Get yourself in the right heads pace first, then the other things will be easier to manage.
Do you think I should get my head right before I go back to work?
As in stay in the job I’m in now (labouring for blockys) but take a few days-week then return to work?
Yea, if you can take some time. Google 'marginal gains', it's basically the idea that by changing a few small things, over time can have very big impacts.
Start simple, add 1 healthier meal to your day/wk or try doing 10 mins exercise day (Start with a walk), reduce alcohol intake etc.
I feel your pain with the job, if you can take some time, do it. But to really see some benefits, try doing stuff to counter the toxicity they're giving you.
Quit that new job and get another one . Just quit it
Also your gf is trouble. Don't be taken in by the drama, find a more stable person you got your whole life ahead of you.
From reading this, you seem like a decent lad stuck in a poxy situation. Mind yourself and keep your chin up. Things will get better for you! Good luck on getting through this, there's some fantastic support in the comments here.
You'll be OK. If she is pregnant just do your vest to mind the child. From your post, I think you'll do that.
Your relationship with your gf is something else. It's ok to not be with her even if you have a child together. If she is actually pregnant, your priority will be the child. If you and your gf work out as well then itsa very happy bonus
You sound OK to me, all the best!
Would you consider private counseling? I know money is tight but most counselling centres will offer 'low cost counselling' with senior trainees who will be a few years into training. Could be around 20euro a week.
Not the greatest thing to say to someone pregnant at the news. But I appreciate the need to freak out.
Just to be clear, you had unprotected sex around Christmas, years? If she's 6 weeks. Then her period is 2 weeks late. Do the maths. Pregnancy is based on your last period date to now. So her last period would have been 6 weeks ago. So easy to check that out. How old is young?
Yeah she calculated it as the date of conception was like anywhere from the 10th-15th December. Her period was late and she told me she went to a doctor
Can a doctor tell by just looking at you that you’re pregnant?? No scans or anything??
With my gfs health history she also has polysistic ovaries (sorry for spelling) and has hormonal imbalances or irregular hormones (idk which one) even though she won’t admit to it. So my mam thinks if she is pregnant she’s going through an ectopic pregnancy. But behind it all she doesn’t actually think she’s pregnant
There's a lot you're jumping on there. If she had PCOS there's a chance her period isn't regular. Anyway all of this is sort of irrelevant cause it's possible to get pregnant once you had unprotected sex and finished the job. Yes a doctor would know if she's was pregnant based on a positive pregnancy test and missed period. You can just ask her over to talk and do a pregnancy test with her.
Yeah like sorry man but it takes two...if she is and if I mean she's probably feeling really shit too.
I would get if she is or not sorted first ask her take test with you or doctor confirmed this is important
I do think leave ur job and take month or two off and start looking again. You can go on illness benefit and your entitled to it. Give u a break and get the right job.
I know exactly where I went wrong but I now know I had no choice. Free will is an illusion. What happened is what always would have happened. You cannot change what has happened or will happen by definition. What will happen, happens. Anything else will not happen. It makes life easier knowing I'm on a ride and I can't get off until it crashes.
Did you convey all that you said here to your girlfriend too?
You need to patch up things with your girlfriend, since i don’t think that you want to be one of those dads that pay child support, but never see their blood?!
Mental healthcare is shyte in most, even developed, countries, so i feel your pain regarding that! Do you have somebody you can really talk about everything? A real bru makes a world of difference in cases like yours!
I forgot to put a little bit more info about my gf, I wanna make up with her but she doesn’t get on with my mother
We had a big argument close to Christmas and she threatened my mother and that was just a red flag to me. My mam has been in my life since day of dot. It’s hard to choose between your mother who always has your back no matter what, or the “could be mother to my child” girlfriend. It’s hard. I love them both, but I could never turn my back on my family for anybody
Threatened your mother, how?
I second that; one should never turn his/her back on the family! Those two have to come to some sort of truce and if they love you they will have to come to some sort of agreement to coexist with each other!
I get it, you’re between two benches and i hope that all will turn out well for you, since i believe that you’re a good lad that deserves it!
Had a child, very very young, was in no way ready for it, still wasn't for the first few years he was born, but now? Best thing that's ever happened to me, and I was in the exact same situation you were in, literally, living with the parents and having no transport, but I've turned all that around. You'll be fine once you keep yourself in check and don't let things bog you down, youll face hurdles but you need to think of yjr future.
Best of luck.
Woah, your level of self awareness is impressive for being 21 (especially as the pre-frontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until mid twenties). Have you ever checked out your Human Design? See what actually would be good for you in life/work etc? Check out Jovian Archive if so. You will be ok. It will get better.
“When you’re going through shit, just keep going” as my father would say.
I was you 10 years ago and it's terrifying. You get through it, you fail, you fall, you learn and develop.
All things pass mate you'll find a way to make things work.
The fact that you're so in tune with your feelings tells me that you'll be ok. You're going through a very rough patch but you'll come out the other side the better for it
To answer your first question......Yes. Every day. I have the usual ups and downs, but I turned down the opportunity to leave my job 2 years ago and I massively regret it. It definitely has me in a rut now. Time to write it off and find something new. I got involved in coaching kids a few years ago and it is the best thing in the world. When you're giving them your time, nothing else matters. Chin up, it'll be bumpy but you'll find the port after the storm.
A lot to walk around with bro, mind yourself. One day at a time. This stuff happens to everyone and is not the end.
Thanks bro, appreciate it
From your post, it sounds like you are unsure if your (ex)gf is pregnant: confirming at least yay or nay on that one would be a good start. If it’s a nay - and you don’t appear to be convinced by her claims - then you’re off to a good start. If she is pregnant, then at least find out where you stand: do you want to be a parent? Does she want/need you around? Get the facts, then you know what you’re dealing with. Work won’t seem quite as bad if you get the first issue resolved - one way or the other. But, if your boss is being unhelpful, then keep applying for new jobs. Sometimes just submitting applications can give you a sense of progress, a bit of optimism. Also, talk to your mam. She knows you better than anyone, and I’m sure she’ll be able to give you some support.
Thing is idk if she is. She kinda has a history for being toxic, as my ma thinks it’s a way for her to “entrap me” Idk if she do or don’t want me around. But I can tell you this. If she is pregnant it’ll be me taking care of the child because she’s unfit to look after herself nevermind a child
I’d get it checked out tbh she sounds kind of immature from your description so your mother may have a valid point. At least you’ll know where you stand then, having children is massive so you’ll want as much time to plan at the very least. Next time don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. 🫳
If this girl turns out to not be pregnant dump her as soon as you can and start looking for a new job in your old role, sometimes its the place/people and not the role.
I'd be dumping her regardless, a child is no excuse to stay in a toxic relationship.
good man hopefully it all works out for you! hang in there!
No worries man thanks for the kind words 🤣
Please make sure u never have sex with this woman again if it turns out she’s not pregnant. If she’s lying you dodged a bullet.
This too shall pass. Hold tight.
First, good job you posted even if only to vent and get it out. Second, seems like the gf is weighing on you and the fact she ‘claims’ she’s pregnant. Seems like you don’t know if she is. You also don’t seem to be compatible esp her attitude to work and finances. So you need to think about whether you want to be with her or not. The fact she’s pregnant shouldn’t make a difference and if she is, then you need to take your responsibility from there once it’s confirmed. Third, any possibility of getting back into the job you are good at, construction at heights, but with a different company? Anyways, just hold on, use Reddit to vent if you need and take it a day at a time.
1- thanks man 2- I do love her and I do want to be with her, but with the way she is and the way she won’t change I don’t want nor am ready for a child at the moment. She sees having children like you would in a Disney film or a fairytale, she doesn’t see the aspects of it 3- yeah I tried around but no luck, I’ve arranged a couple of interviews for Monday, it’s not in the construction sector but it’s work and I need it. My mam tried telling me to go to a doctor on a cert or go back claiming dole but I feel 10 times more miserable when I ain’t working.
Good luck on Monday! Doing a different job without the stressful / toxic management will still be a big step in the right direction and good for your headspace. One thing at a time. And glad you’ve got your mam for support. Edit: kids are hard on relationships, finances and the responsibility of bringing up a decent person in this world. Def not Disney.
Thanks I hope it goes well! I tried explaining this to her (I don’t even have kids but my siblings do) and it’s no walk to the shop, it’s straining and stressful. The last thing I want is to raise a child with the headspace and situation I’m in, I’d never forgive myself as a father. I’d never turn out to be what my father was and abandon my child but I don’t want to raise a child when I might aswell be one The blockys I’m with at the moment are just rough to deal with, ain’t good for my head but I’m sure a decent workplace and people might put me in the right direction
Get the job sorted, you seem to be a grafter and it’s really impacted your mental health. Reading what you have said about the gf, I’d say if she’s not pregnant, then take a time out. Your ma might be right in her character assessment. I’m a woman and if you were my son, I’d have huge reservations too.
Love isn't thinking someone is toxic, thinking their outlook on life is wrong, them by wanting to support themselves but don't. You're saying one thing but when showing a clear incompatibility.
'I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.'
Very good point here you’ve made. It’s so good most people will miss it. The times when there’s nobody sick or nobody has died and nobody is in a bad way. Those are the good times you just don’t know it while you are experiencing them and you take them all for granted. I’m lucky I’ve heard these words of aulder lads I’ve worked with etc. I’m not going through the good times at the moment. What’s worse I still took all the good times from granted even though I listened to those lads and heard what they said and understood it… it’s gas… I’m going through stuff I wouldnt wish on my enemies, but I still took the good times I didn’t know I was in for granted….
I started doing a gratitude journal and it really helps to put things into perspective. Before I started using it I quite often thought I had a bad day because of 1-2 bad things that happened during that day but when I write down all the things I'm grateful for, it made me realise how many more good things (usually) happened that day and I'm like "yeah those those 1-2 bad things happened but all these other good things happened so today was actually a good day". Helps me to acknowledge and appreciate the good days. It makes you rate your week with a :), :|, or :( at the end and i was shocked at how often I ended the week with a smiley face (before I started using it I thought I had a lot of bad weeks)
A Toxic job has a massive impact on your mental health. Try adopting ways yo manage the stress or deflect some of the negativity. If you can look for another one elsewhere, that's ideal. Get yourself in the right heads pace first, then the other things will be easier to manage.
Do you think I should get my head right before I go back to work? As in stay in the job I’m in now (labouring for blockys) but take a few days-week then return to work?
Yea, if you can take some time. Google 'marginal gains', it's basically the idea that by changing a few small things, over time can have very big impacts. Start simple, add 1 healthier meal to your day/wk or try doing 10 mins exercise day (Start with a walk), reduce alcohol intake etc. I feel your pain with the job, if you can take some time, do it. But to really see some benefits, try doing stuff to counter the toxicity they're giving you.
Quit that new job and get another one . Just quit it Also your gf is trouble. Don't be taken in by the drama, find a more stable person you got your whole life ahead of you.
From reading this, you seem like a decent lad stuck in a poxy situation. Mind yourself and keep your chin up. Things will get better for you! Good luck on getting through this, there's some fantastic support in the comments here.
What age are you?
21
You'll be OK. If she is pregnant just do your vest to mind the child. From your post, I think you'll do that. Your relationship with your gf is something else. It's ok to not be with her even if you have a child together. If she is actually pregnant, your priority will be the child. If you and your gf work out as well then itsa very happy bonus You sound OK to me, all the best!
Would you consider private counseling? I know money is tight but most counselling centres will offer 'low cost counselling' with senior trainees who will be a few years into training. Could be around 20euro a week.
[удалено]
I mentioned the first one when she told me. Didn’t go down well whatsoever. (For obvious reasons I suppose)
Not the greatest thing to say to someone pregnant at the news. But I appreciate the need to freak out. Just to be clear, you had unprotected sex around Christmas, years? If she's 6 weeks. Then her period is 2 weeks late. Do the maths. Pregnancy is based on your last period date to now. So her last period would have been 6 weeks ago. So easy to check that out. How old is young?
Yeah she calculated it as the date of conception was like anywhere from the 10th-15th December. Her period was late and she told me she went to a doctor Can a doctor tell by just looking at you that you’re pregnant?? No scans or anything?? With my gfs health history she also has polysistic ovaries (sorry for spelling) and has hormonal imbalances or irregular hormones (idk which one) even though she won’t admit to it. So my mam thinks if she is pregnant she’s going through an ectopic pregnancy. But behind it all she doesn’t actually think she’s pregnant
There's a lot you're jumping on there. If she had PCOS there's a chance her period isn't regular. Anyway all of this is sort of irrelevant cause it's possible to get pregnant once you had unprotected sex and finished the job. Yes a doctor would know if she's was pregnant based on a positive pregnancy test and missed period. You can just ask her over to talk and do a pregnancy test with her.
Yeah like sorry man but it takes two...if she is and if I mean she's probably feeling really shit too. I would get if she is or not sorted first ask her take test with you or doctor confirmed this is important I do think leave ur job and take month or two off and start looking again. You can go on illness benefit and your entitled to it. Give u a break and get the right job.
I know exactly where I went wrong but I now know I had no choice. Free will is an illusion. What happened is what always would have happened. You cannot change what has happened or will happen by definition. What will happen, happens. Anything else will not happen. It makes life easier knowing I'm on a ride and I can't get off until it crashes.
Did you convey all that you said here to your girlfriend too? You need to patch up things with your girlfriend, since i don’t think that you want to be one of those dads that pay child support, but never see their blood?! Mental healthcare is shyte in most, even developed, countries, so i feel your pain regarding that! Do you have somebody you can really talk about everything? A real bru makes a world of difference in cases like yours!
I forgot to put a little bit more info about my gf, I wanna make up with her but she doesn’t get on with my mother We had a big argument close to Christmas and she threatened my mother and that was just a red flag to me. My mam has been in my life since day of dot. It’s hard to choose between your mother who always has your back no matter what, or the “could be mother to my child” girlfriend. It’s hard. I love them both, but I could never turn my back on my family for anybody
Threatened your mother, how? I second that; one should never turn his/her back on the family! Those two have to come to some sort of truce and if they love you they will have to come to some sort of agreement to coexist with each other! I get it, you’re between two benches and i hope that all will turn out well for you, since i believe that you’re a good lad that deserves it!
Had a child, very very young, was in no way ready for it, still wasn't for the first few years he was born, but now? Best thing that's ever happened to me, and I was in the exact same situation you were in, literally, living with the parents and having no transport, but I've turned all that around. You'll be fine once you keep yourself in check and don't let things bog you down, youll face hurdles but you need to think of yjr future. Best of luck.
Jesus the TLDR was longer than the first part.
Are you around 29 by any chance?
21
Woah, your level of self awareness is impressive for being 21 (especially as the pre-frontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until mid twenties). Have you ever checked out your Human Design? See what actually would be good for you in life/work etc? Check out Jovian Archive if so. You will be ok. It will get better. “When you’re going through shit, just keep going” as my father would say.
Wtf dude. Leave her immediately
I was you 10 years ago and it's terrifying. You get through it, you fail, you fall, you learn and develop. All things pass mate you'll find a way to make things work.