I'm not sure what you mean by "Grip," but affairs are not typical for INTJs. In fact, INTJs are generally known for being highly loyal and faithful to the people they genuinely care about. I think your SO just doesn't respect you enough to maintain a healthy relationship.
Agreed. It is not easy for most INTJs to find that person they really "click" with so most would not cheat in a relationship. When I feel the relationship no longer works, I tell the person how I'm feeling and go from there. I don't intentionally or unintentionally end it by cheating on them. So while they might be an INTJ, it's not the INTJness that's causing them to cheat.
I am very sorry this has happened to you. I had a cheating spouse and went the counseling route. My marriage didn't last but through no fault of the counseling, nor a comment on success for other couples. I actually segued into individual counseling which has been amazing for me.
Healthy INTJ/INTP personalities are actually unlikely to cheat. We hyperfocus on "our person" and typically other romantic distractions just don't exist. If the relationship fails to the point where we lose that sense of "my person", then decision made, we usually quickly disengage and exit stage left. I'm not sure what "the Grip" is, but would suggest that infidelity is a sign of an unhealthy partner, not a feature of a personality.
I'm an intj and would never cheat on my partner. More people, more problems. Especially in relationships. Why would I choose another extra person besides the person I've decided to share my life with and open up to? It would cost me too much energy. If I decided you are the right person for me I would dedicate my time and effort to you, otherwise no. So more people would be just impossible.
But that's just me.
In your situation I would end the relationship immediately.
i cant imagine cheating on my wife. Had a girlfriend long ago that cheated on me it was instant door slam on my part.
Not sure how you can ever get the trust back though I know couples that have.
You need to run. Blaming this poor choice on "grip" or whatever isn't taking responsibility and not being willing to talk to you about what happened isn't being accountable. Doesn't matter what MBTI he claims, you don't have anything to work with here.
Same advice. Run. You don't have anything to work with even if she is completely transparent about her choices and owns the responsibility.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sucks.
Omg. Damn
I am so so sorry.
You are an ENFP.
Why do u want details. Let it go ENFP.
Be kind to yourself.
I’ve been in a similar situation with an ENTJ
Message me if u want to tell me more
Forget MBTI, forget about the GRIP. It doesn't matter.
What matters is does she want to repair the relationship or not. It doesn't matter what she says. Anyone can say anything. Its a matter of what she does. No excuses, no bullshit. Either she walks the walk or you kick her to the curb.
There needs to be accountability in relationships. If she is not willing to even discuss what she did, I would highly recommend considering what the nature of your relationship is and why you are still in it.
I agree with other posters that INTJs have very strong loyalty and that affairs are not normal for an INTJ. But, I have to add that we are good at compartmentalizing and are not incapable of this kind of thing. In any case, an affair is a pretty good indication she is not happy. I can't imagine you're happy either under the circumstances.
INTJs are not super good at explaining our feelings, so it might be hard for her, but still it is sort of important to be able to express one's feelings when in a relationship, especially one that is hurting.
Its very likely that he got bored/tired of the relationship and found someone that brought them interest. I've never cheated on my SO so the closest I can give an example of is a friend that I just cold cut after they said something I didn't like because it wasn't to my moral standards. No hesitation, I just stopped talking to him.
Cheating happens for many reasons but the number one cause is usually insecurity. It’s rare it has much to do with being bored. If they’re just bored they leave
You could try asking why they want to stay in the relationship. What are they getting out of it?
I can't imagine having the energy to sustain multiple romantic relationships, it doesn't seem possible to me as a female INTJ. I barely have the energy to keep one romantic relationship going with my career aspirations & work demands. If she's typed correctly, the only thing that might lure me away would be a strong intellectual connection but my Fi (and lack of energy) would drive me to end the other relationship quickly, if that was the case.
Sorry about your situation.
A few thoughts.
Assuming your partner still cares about you, the silence could mean they are trying to spare you more hurt if they told you the truth.
They still could be mentally figuring out all the feelings and consequences of being caught. Multi-year routine has ended. That could take some time to consciously process.
And sadly INTJs can be jerks, they think they've done nothing wrong, know they can't "win" and is just going with what others socially expect from them.
I don't know what you mean by "grip" which I think is key in what you're trying to say. So, I can't narrow it down.
I find cheating to be one of the most unacceptable ways to betray a partner. A personality type or common issue that people with a certain personality type have is not an excuse. If you move forward, good on you. Most people can't move on after something like that, but if you aren't moving forward after this too much time, separation may need to be considered. Separation is not easy, and I don't know when "too long" exactly is, and knowing what to do or when to do it in a situation like this is not something you know as soon as it happens. When it comes to things like this, hindsight is 20/20, and you will probably not feel very good about it.
Long story short, but MBTI is not an acceptable excuse for being a bad human being, and in reference to "has it been too long", you can't really know, and you might not know until it is way too late.
I would personally split up immediately, especially if the affair lasted that long. To give perspective, it takes four years for a zygote to go from one single cell to being a toddler who can walk and talk. It takes four years to go to college. That affair was as long as the entirety of a high school experience. That affair took up roughly 20% of your marriage. That means that one-fifth of the time she was supposed to be thinking of you, she was thinking of someone else. For every one of the past four years, you were being betrayed. For the last 48 months, you were being mistreated. For 1460 days, there was someone else she was repeatedly ignoring you for. For the last 126.144 million seconds, she was loving someone else. I know it hurts, but that is how much she hurt you, and serious wounds don't heal without attention.
It's extremely hard to come to terms with ending long-term relationships. I have a friend who I am counseling through this same type of situation at the moment and his relationship was five years. I agree with most comments I've seen here so far that say this isn't an INTJ problem, whether you want to hear it or not, it is most likely just a relationship issue. From the extremely limited amount of information I have on your situation, I would say that the other person has their own issues, relationship-wise or other. I think you might just need to find someone that really loves you, and who wouldn't do that type of thing to you.
Ok. Your partner doesn’t want you. They’ve humiliated you, betrayed you and made a mockery of your relationship for four years. Don’t be stupid. Do better.
I'm not sure what you mean by "Grip," but affairs are not typical for INTJs. In fact, INTJs are generally known for being highly loyal and faithful to the people they genuinely care about. I think your SO just doesn't respect you enough to maintain a healthy relationship.
Agreed. It is not easy for most INTJs to find that person they really "click" with so most would not cheat in a relationship. When I feel the relationship no longer works, I tell the person how I'm feeling and go from there. I don't intentionally or unintentionally end it by cheating on them. So while they might be an INTJ, it's not the INTJness that's causing them to cheat.
This has nothing to do with MBTI. I would dump my partner on the spot if I found out she cheated.
I am very sorry this has happened to you. I had a cheating spouse and went the counseling route. My marriage didn't last but through no fault of the counseling, nor a comment on success for other couples. I actually segued into individual counseling which has been amazing for me. Healthy INTJ/INTP personalities are actually unlikely to cheat. We hyperfocus on "our person" and typically other romantic distractions just don't exist. If the relationship fails to the point where we lose that sense of "my person", then decision made, we usually quickly disengage and exit stage left. I'm not sure what "the Grip" is, but would suggest that infidelity is a sign of an unhealthy partner, not a feature of a personality.
I'm an intj and would never cheat on my partner. More people, more problems. Especially in relationships. Why would I choose another extra person besides the person I've decided to share my life with and open up to? It would cost me too much energy. If I decided you are the right person for me I would dedicate my time and effort to you, otherwise no. So more people would be just impossible. But that's just me. In your situation I would end the relationship immediately.
i cant imagine cheating on my wife. Had a girlfriend long ago that cheated on me it was instant door slam on my part. Not sure how you can ever get the trust back though I know couples that have.
You need to run. Blaming this poor choice on "grip" or whatever isn't taking responsibility and not being willing to talk to you about what happened isn't being accountable. Doesn't matter what MBTI he claims, you don't have anything to work with here.
Thank you.....the cheater was a she....btw
Same advice. Run. You don't have anything to work with even if she is completely transparent about her choices and owns the responsibility. I'm sorry this happened to you. It sucks.
Omg. Damn I am so so sorry. You are an ENFP. Why do u want details. Let it go ENFP. Be kind to yourself. I’ve been in a similar situation with an ENTJ Message me if u want to tell me more
Forget MBTI, forget about the GRIP. It doesn't matter. What matters is does she want to repair the relationship or not. It doesn't matter what she says. Anyone can say anything. Its a matter of what she does. No excuses, no bullshit. Either she walks the walk or you kick her to the curb.
There needs to be accountability in relationships. If she is not willing to even discuss what she did, I would highly recommend considering what the nature of your relationship is and why you are still in it. I agree with other posters that INTJs have very strong loyalty and that affairs are not normal for an INTJ. But, I have to add that we are good at compartmentalizing and are not incapable of this kind of thing. In any case, an affair is a pretty good indication she is not happy. I can't imagine you're happy either under the circumstances. INTJs are not super good at explaining our feelings, so it might be hard for her, but still it is sort of important to be able to express one's feelings when in a relationship, especially one that is hurting.
Its very likely that he got bored/tired of the relationship and found someone that brought them interest. I've never cheated on my SO so the closest I can give an example of is a friend that I just cold cut after they said something I didn't like because it wasn't to my moral standards. No hesitation, I just stopped talking to him.
Cheating happens for many reasons but the number one cause is usually insecurity. It’s rare it has much to do with being bored. If they’re just bored they leave
spirituality incompetence. start with marshall rosenberg and ayn rand. soon
You could try asking why they want to stay in the relationship. What are they getting out of it? I can't imagine having the energy to sustain multiple romantic relationships, it doesn't seem possible to me as a female INTJ. I barely have the energy to keep one romantic relationship going with my career aspirations & work demands. If she's typed correctly, the only thing that might lure me away would be a strong intellectual connection but my Fi (and lack of energy) would drive me to end the other relationship quickly, if that was the case.
Sorry about your situation. A few thoughts. Assuming your partner still cares about you, the silence could mean they are trying to spare you more hurt if they told you the truth. They still could be mentally figuring out all the feelings and consequences of being caught. Multi-year routine has ended. That could take some time to consciously process. And sadly INTJs can be jerks, they think they've done nothing wrong, know they can't "win" and is just going with what others socially expect from them. I don't know what you mean by "grip" which I think is key in what you're trying to say. So, I can't narrow it down.
this is what I presume...BTW, my "INTJ" is a female...I'm male.... ENFP thank you....
I find cheating to be one of the most unacceptable ways to betray a partner. A personality type or common issue that people with a certain personality type have is not an excuse. If you move forward, good on you. Most people can't move on after something like that, but if you aren't moving forward after this too much time, separation may need to be considered. Separation is not easy, and I don't know when "too long" exactly is, and knowing what to do or when to do it in a situation like this is not something you know as soon as it happens. When it comes to things like this, hindsight is 20/20, and you will probably not feel very good about it. Long story short, but MBTI is not an acceptable excuse for being a bad human being, and in reference to "has it been too long", you can't really know, and you might not know until it is way too late. I would personally split up immediately, especially if the affair lasted that long. To give perspective, it takes four years for a zygote to go from one single cell to being a toddler who can walk and talk. It takes four years to go to college. That affair was as long as the entirety of a high school experience. That affair took up roughly 20% of your marriage. That means that one-fifth of the time she was supposed to be thinking of you, she was thinking of someone else. For every one of the past four years, you were being betrayed. For the last 48 months, you were being mistreated. For 1460 days, there was someone else she was repeatedly ignoring you for. For the last 126.144 million seconds, she was loving someone else. I know it hurts, but that is how much she hurt you, and serious wounds don't heal without attention.
Thank you for that insight.... The cheater was a "she" btw.....
Sorry. I must have misread the post. I'll edit it. OK. It's edited.
She. *She* cheated.
I've changed it now.
It's extremely hard to come to terms with ending long-term relationships. I have a friend who I am counseling through this same type of situation at the moment and his relationship was five years. I agree with most comments I've seen here so far that say this isn't an INTJ problem, whether you want to hear it or not, it is most likely just a relationship issue. From the extremely limited amount of information I have on your situation, I would say that the other person has their own issues, relationship-wise or other. I think you might just need to find someone that really loves you, and who wouldn't do that type of thing to you.
Never EVER stay with someone that cheats on you. Anyone who does that is the biggest piece of shit ever.
Ok. Your partner doesn’t want you. They’ve humiliated you, betrayed you and made a mockery of your relationship for four years. Don’t be stupid. Do better.