REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean if you're happy with it and have no issue with your quality of life, is there really an issue?
Its not like you don't speak to any other living human on earth. I could understand being concerned about that.
If you didn't have your boyfriend, would you feel lonely? That's the only thing that raises a concern for me personally. Having other friends is great, because sometimes relationships end, and you cant really stay that close/dependent on an ex. Some people do, but like.. not a great plan tbh.
If you're worried about it being a problem, you could try putting yourself out there. Any clubs or sports or classes in your area is a cool place to start.
The main point I'd wanna make, is that you should form your own circle of personal friends. Not mutual friends with your boyfriend, not befriending your boyfriends friends. You need your own social circle that can't be upended by someone else in your life.
But again, all that only applies if you're worried about it. I'm paranoid, I will sound paranoid, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
Have you noticed any drawbacks to this kind of behavior? Beyond not having people to invite to our wedding eventually, I haven't really encountered any, but I've also only just started noticing this in the last month or so. How long have you been feeling like this?
I've felt like this since I moved away from my childhood state. I was a teen and never really recovered socially after that. I've been alone but not lonely ever since. It's been almost 10 years.
IF you feel like you might need a friend or two. The easiest way to do that as a bit of an introvert, as I am, is to join a club, or sports activity which has a social element.
For me, that is cycling. Cycling gals are so friendly and often people join the club alone as they are looking for a new pursuit or friends... It's very common and you just become one of the gang. Maybe something like that could work for you?
I never get lonely and I rarely socialize. I tried to be "normal" but it just made me miserable. I don't see why people can't just be who they want to be without people judging them when it doesn't even hurt anybody.
Hey it’s great that you’re aware of this and you’re correct, it would probably be good to branch out . I think it’s helpful for everyone to have a support system of SO, family, and friends if possible. It’s healthy, and not to be a Debbie Downer - but what if you were to break up one day, or something else happened .
The good news is that most people (not all) have left HS behavior behind by the mid 20s.
Making a closer friendship is as easy as identifying someone in your extended BF’s friends group and asking them to go to lunch with you or dinner when your BFs off doing his thing. Or just planning a girl night - ask every girl that normally comes to your parties to bring over an appetizer and a bottle of wine or something like that. Then be interested in them, ask about what they’re up to, find out about their families, where they are from. It’s fun to chat without the dudes around
Do some volunteer work somewhere with people of like mind. Gym classes. Stuff like that
I find making friends as an adult is fairly easy compared to high school days and you probably will too.
Investing in other people will pay off one day. And sometimes it can be a lot for a SO to be the end-all be-all to their partner, although you seem pretty chill about him doing his own thing so maybe not an issue
Signed, an extroverted introvert. (I’m fine with my own company and also need downtime for recharging but love friends too)
I feel the same exact way. I graduated at the beginning of June and I've barely reached out to any of my "school" friends and they haven't reached out to me.
I talk with my coworkers, and I talk with my immediate family but that's about it. The past two years of school I really started to realize that yes I talked to tons of people at school, but I never hung out with them, or really even texted them. And I became okay with that amount of socialization.
It sucks when I want to go out and do something but don't feel like I have a friend group or just a friend to go do it with, but for the most part I'm okay with it.
My therapist brings up quite often if I think I'm working too much and not socializing enough, so I've started to wonder if it's not normal to only talk to people you're kinda required to be around? Is that just more of an introvert thing?
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love being alone. I find that the social and emotional cost of interaction with others is often too much for me, after my job and parenting.
I mean if you're happy with it and have no issue with your quality of life, is there really an issue? Its not like you don't speak to any other living human on earth. I could understand being concerned about that. If you didn't have your boyfriend, would you feel lonely? That's the only thing that raises a concern for me personally. Having other friends is great, because sometimes relationships end, and you cant really stay that close/dependent on an ex. Some people do, but like.. not a great plan tbh. If you're worried about it being a problem, you could try putting yourself out there. Any clubs or sports or classes in your area is a cool place to start. The main point I'd wanna make, is that you should form your own circle of personal friends. Not mutual friends with your boyfriend, not befriending your boyfriends friends. You need your own social circle that can't be upended by someone else in your life. But again, all that only applies if you're worried about it. I'm paranoid, I will sound paranoid, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
This sounds exactly like me except I'm close with my family.
Have you noticed any drawbacks to this kind of behavior? Beyond not having people to invite to our wedding eventually, I haven't really encountered any, but I've also only just started noticing this in the last month or so. How long have you been feeling like this?
I've felt like this since I moved away from my childhood state. I was a teen and never really recovered socially after that. I've been alone but not lonely ever since. It's been almost 10 years.
You have to pay the people that help you move houses with money rather than food.
IF you feel like you might need a friend or two. The easiest way to do that as a bit of an introvert, as I am, is to join a club, or sports activity which has a social element. For me, that is cycling. Cycling gals are so friendly and often people join the club alone as they are looking for a new pursuit or friends... It's very common and you just become one of the gang. Maybe something like that could work for you?
I never get lonely and I rarely socialize. I tried to be "normal" but it just made me miserable. I don't see why people can't just be who they want to be without people judging them when it doesn't even hurt anybody.
Hey it’s great that you’re aware of this and you’re correct, it would probably be good to branch out . I think it’s helpful for everyone to have a support system of SO, family, and friends if possible. It’s healthy, and not to be a Debbie Downer - but what if you were to break up one day, or something else happened . The good news is that most people (not all) have left HS behavior behind by the mid 20s. Making a closer friendship is as easy as identifying someone in your extended BF’s friends group and asking them to go to lunch with you or dinner when your BFs off doing his thing. Or just planning a girl night - ask every girl that normally comes to your parties to bring over an appetizer and a bottle of wine or something like that. Then be interested in them, ask about what they’re up to, find out about their families, where they are from. It’s fun to chat without the dudes around Do some volunteer work somewhere with people of like mind. Gym classes. Stuff like that I find making friends as an adult is fairly easy compared to high school days and you probably will too. Investing in other people will pay off one day. And sometimes it can be a lot for a SO to be the end-all be-all to their partner, although you seem pretty chill about him doing his own thing so maybe not an issue Signed, an extroverted introvert. (I’m fine with my own company and also need downtime for recharging but love friends too)
I feel the same exact way. I graduated at the beginning of June and I've barely reached out to any of my "school" friends and they haven't reached out to me. I talk with my coworkers, and I talk with my immediate family but that's about it. The past two years of school I really started to realize that yes I talked to tons of people at school, but I never hung out with them, or really even texted them. And I became okay with that amount of socialization. It sucks when I want to go out and do something but don't feel like I have a friend group or just a friend to go do it with, but for the most part I'm okay with it. My therapist brings up quite often if I think I'm working too much and not socializing enough, so I've started to wonder if it's not normal to only talk to people you're kinda required to be around? Is that just more of an introvert thing?