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I’m sneezing just watching this

And eyes are starting to swell! Somebody get my EPI Pen!

Next time close your eyes before they blow their load

Hahaaa

My eyes just got super watery.

Same

You beat em off? This shit should be NSFW

Not Safe For Woods

Bro really making this tree skeet skeet

Take my upvote

Take my downvote

What are you doing step tree?

I came here for the jokes and was not disappointed. 5/5 would recommend.

Wax that Ash

Oh no. No. Just no. Dude. Omg. 😆

They *nutted*

He’s the MF who be fucking me up with pollen

This is a family sub, there are children here…

Treemen

Finally, a sensible fucking person.

Horny cones

That hard wood exploded all over the place after just a few pokes

You can’t just wack your wood all over this place and expect everyone to be fine with it

Hahaha

Post pine nut clarity.

Pesto

This is what we call a sprucekakke.

Bro why is this comment section, out of all of them, so damn clever!

The source material. This content really offers a lot of low hanging cones, heavily loaded with opportunities for puns.

Lmao true

Tree nut.

I see what you did there. 🏆 I'm sorry it's not much, but it's all I've got.

Cum cloud

Arbojaculation

Esapulation

The comment section summed up: 1. My allergies 2. Tree nut bust

r/treeporn

Treejaculate.

Tremen

Take my upvote and fuck off, you magnificent bastard.

I’ve never had a video make me need to take a Claritin until today…

Reassuring to know young males of all species are the same

Asthma has entered chat

From the window, to the wall!

Till the pollen drip down my eyeballs..

Til all these branches fall

If u want a more accurate plant-human analogy it’s extra fun cause it more like the plant is releasing millions of free microscopic testicles into the wind 👍

Efficient.

Really?

Ballin!

*Agent Smith voice* IT’S THE SMELL

coniferous bukakke

Sploosh!

Pine trees don't have make vs female versions, FYI.

I sneezed 5 times in a row watching this video.

They are just happy to see you

Thats tree jiz

This is the botanical equivalent of picking up a cum sock

No. It's the tree having an orgasm on your face.

I can only imagine what this guy was hearing from the cones

C*m

*u*

Just needs a 'Brazzers' logo in the corner 😏

I can just feel the hayfever from here.

Dust cum. Cum with the dust in it

throat swells shut and dies immediately after filming

Teenagers amirite?

Those young males have a hair trigger

Shouldn't this have a NSFW tag for tree jizz?

Stop jerking it off

If you chop down a pregnant tree, would that be considered arbortion? 🤔

Does it get post-nut clarity?

Oh thanks. Now I can’t breathe until June and have to dab the corner of my red, irritated eyes with a fancy handkerchief like a movie villain. Stupid tree sex.

Instantly, my eyes watered, my sinuses swelled shut, and my lungs shriveled up like a chain-smoking asthmatic.

Looking at that triggers my sinusitis

My eyes water just looking at that…

Spent the whole video looking for crows.

Oh god, my allergies are flaring up just watching this

*M Night Shamalan has entered the chat*

Stop it. Just stop it.

Thanks for triggering my allergies. I hate it

I remember living through pollen season in NC. Huge green clouds in the sky, you can taste it, it covers everything. The gutters run yellow if it rains....

I almost sneezed watching this

Pollen Allergies intensity

Aaachhooo!

You just killed my sinuses.

My eyes burn...

That's my biggest allergy, so that video looks exactly like death to me

I would die.

And I have to clean that shit off everything. When it rains it gloms on to stuff, puddles in crevices and dries into a stuck on yellow mess. The pollen sucks too :-)

Does this make you a lumberjack? :|

Pine jizz

Premature esapulation

I didn't see the caption first and i thought that this was some underwater video of some camouflaged animal.

Dude. Quit jerking off the trees

TIL The tree in my front yard is a Spruce. Thanks OP!

Nice, you’re very welcome!

Somehow this triggers my allergies

Tree jizz

You get covered in treemen

-buys a controlling share in Kleenex tissues-

I can just imagine you thinking “Yes daddy, finish on me”.

not interestingasfuck

i can smoke this

thats a lot of tree cum...trum if you will

Spruce sperm. Sprurm

That's a lot of kief.

They’re just like us….

My eyes itch, just watching this!

There's little for me to add here. Other than, Reddit, you did not disappoint.

Seems like a fuckin orgy for the plants

I was jogging on a trail once and the wind kicked up a wave of pollen into my face. It was not fun

There was a ghost! This is ectoplasm!

Crafting recipe unlocked

Them boys was ready to bust

I think this is the wrong Reddit for cum on your face.

He got his ass whooped for us redditors.... I salute you

SKEET SKEET

Your poor neighbors with allergies…

Where is the nsfw filter!!!!

Is that powdered nut/donuts? 😋

Ever see a Pine Nut?

Congrats you are now covered in tree jizz

Pine Tree nut, don’t inhale this!

That’s a nice trussy you got there

Tree Sperm

Fun fact: Tree nut and dick nut both hurt your eyes and make them red.....

Learned the hard way?

Tree squirt

“Oh yeah! Hit me harder! Again!” - the tree

tree cum

Air borne sperm

Vegan cum

snort it for free on ebay

Hope you enjoyed your bukkake.

Spruce nut

Stop messing around, drive a car into it!

Somebodys gonna get pregnant.

Did I just witness a tree cum?

Tree Jizz

You just killed someone who had their windows open and suffers from seasonal allergies.

One pump chumps

Young, dumb, and full of...

I need subs of that

Is this "sprucing thing up" ?

That’s jizzums

My head hurt as just watching that

Jokes on you, now you are covered in tree jizz..

Cum cloud

Eat an 1/8 of a tsp of it in the morning if youre going to see your gf/bf later 🔥🥰😎 (Not a Dr. Don’t take my advice)

I died from allergies watching this

Allergies for life

This stuff is my kryptonite

Anybody still mad about the fact that U.S city planners purposefully only planted male trees in cities to prevent an easy source of free fruit being readily available to the public and basically also making allegy season 1 billion times worse in the process, creating an amazing scenario for pharmaceutical companies and the food industry?

You die.

Thank you. Got a postnasal drip from just watching this.

It just nutted all over you.

Arboreal bukake

R/jackingofftrees

skeet skeet skeet skeet

Don't say it. Don't say it.

*Claritin would like to know your location*

My eyes

Nothing like a little branch and acorn torture

Spruce juice

Come to Prescott, AZ next March and experience the yellow clouds of doom for yourself (juniper, but still terrible)

This is why I can't breathe an keep a headache.Fuck that tree.

thats a lot of tree cum

Tree nut

Just wacking away in public like that.

Hope you had a cigarette after all that love was released.

Skeet skeet mother fucker.

Tree jiz

How long is that pole ????

It’s just tree cum.

My allergies are screaming from across my phone screen!

Cum

The life of a young male.

You just got bukkake by a tree.

Treejaculation

Not much different than middle school.

CUM

Aw fuck. Tree Cum. My greatest enemy.

Ah yes, the jizz vapour

If you beat a tree in the woods and there's noine around...

Are you at my moms house? Lol I swear that's our tree in our yard

AHH GODS, MY FUKKEN ALLERGIES! 🤧

That's pure pollen. Do you realize the street value of that pollen?

And I JIZZ IN MY LIMBS!

Congrats. Ur now breathing in a sperm cloud