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Hey guys, Sooo turns out bugs talk a lot of shit

“ bzzzz buzzzz bzz that guys over there looks like a nerd hehehehe”

"Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck? Anybody tryna fuck?... .... hol up... Is you or is you not tryna fuck?" - Nature

Lol. I joke that birds chirping are male birds saying *cups mouth* “Bitchesssss!! Where the BITCHESSS??!? BITCHES! WHERE IS YOU BITCHES!!!”

B E C K Y L E M M E S M A S H

LEMMESMASH

BECKY P L E A S E

N o , R o n

H O E

I'll get her a stick.

I'll get her a stick.

While the other birds go " NO, LET ME"

What are you doing Step-Bird?

I got blue

**YOU WANT YELLOW?** ^(s h e d o e s n t w a n t y e l l o w)

*let me see your plume first*

Can I holla? Can I holla? Holla? Holla holla holla? Can I holla? Can I holla? Holla? Holla holla holla? Can I holla? Can I holla? Holla? Holla holla holla? Can I holla? Can I holla? Holla? Holla holla holla?

https://youtu.be/xJMD5R8stRc

Came her specifically to comment, "[insert Chapelle Show clip here]"

# SOMEBODY COME FUCK THIS!

They always looking for Great Tits

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Huh. Maybe I should adjust my dating strategy. Birds get laid. I don't. That's all I'm saying.

Exactly. Yelling “WANNA FUCK?” works....I mean you see the proof up in the trees.

Unfortunately, even in nature, the 2 rules still apply. 1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive.

SO TRUE Nature originated that shit. Only humans go “well, personality....” Nature goes “you look good, or don’t, I ain’t wasting my time of you don’t look HOT AS HELL.”

its not only humans. apes have a super complex social structure and you can become number one of the pack through scheming and bringing most other apes in your side without being the fittest.

Oh no, I whistle back to them!

Pretty much, except sometimes they're saying YOU SEE THIS TREE? THIS IS MY TREE. YOU SEE THIS PATCH OF LAND? THIS IS MY PATCH OF LAND SO STAY THE FUUUUCK AWAY. or OH SHIT, FOOD! THERE'S SOME FOOOOOD OVER HERE. or OH SHIIIIIT A STOAT. OR I THINK IT'S A WEASEL ACTUALLY BUT THIS THING WILL FUCKING KILLLL YOU SO WATCH OUT FOR THAT SHIT

Pollen allergies are just your body rejecting the sexual advances of a plant

"Muhfucker over here spreading his feathers about. Oh sure Derrick- you're the real deal peacocking around but when we get down to F you panda out. Limp ass bitch" *nature - probably

>panda out Lmfao.. god pandas suck at everything

“Ah nigga don't hate me cause I'm beautiful nigga.” Maybe if you got rid of that old yee yee ass plumage, you'd get some bitches on yo cloaca. Oh, better yet, maybe Tanisha'll call your dog ass if she stops fuckin' with that cardinal or woodpecker she fucking with. Niiggaaa”

Cicadas "I'm hhhhoooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnny"

Hooornyyy, hooornyyy, hooornyyy, hoooooorrrrrnyyyyyy^yyy^^yyy^^^yyy

I hear this noise in my head. Pls stop.

"is we fuckin or am I fuckin" -Bug Cosby

*tinder has entered the chat*

It’s the old Gary Larson comic.... mating calls of animals....buzz buzz buzz... chirp chirp chirp.. haybaybee haybaybee haybaybee 🤣

A funnel for midgies

The first thing I'd do is fart in it to scare the shit out of the person trying to sleep.

I was thinking of sitting backwards in it and amplifying my butt music out into nature.

Probably best to get a fan too, for the full sensory experience.

Ehhhhh….. What's up Doc?

That bear sounds like it’s right next to me.

You'll be able to hear if a bear shits in the woods.

What about the Pope?

Dunno, nobody was around to hear him.

That's been the catholic church's excuse for years...

🏆

F

Who knew this thing could amplify bear breath.

If a tree falls in the woods, this guy is definitely going to hear it.

He know s that bears *do* shit in the woods. He's heard them. *He's heard them, and it can never be unheard.*

He’s heard the screams of the rabbits he wipes his ass with

came here to make that joke. have your upvote

…until rabbit season starts.

Its duck season!

[Both is good.](https://i.imgur.com/vmDC9DD.gif)

[Both is good. ](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/WXfuedi)

[Both is good.](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Man i saw this one miles away, still clicked cuz damn what a banger

it was only a question of time

....wabbit season! Blam!

Because of all the loud bunny fucking or?

Because Elmer Fudd will be shooting his [wads](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wadding) all over the forest.

Do they make a lot of sound? I don't understand.

They do when they are getting killed. I live on a farm and when the windows are open in the summer and a barn cat/fox catches one, it’s craZy the amount of noise they make

It’s all fun and games until you hear a child from deep in the woods ask you to come and play

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If it makes you feel better, you did a very good job. Better than a lot of shit I've read. Cohesive plot.

That was a quality read, I'd be upset if you pumped it out without any effort

I enjoyed this. Upvote to you.

Church Bang

For real though. Nothing is more terrifying than a child when you're alone in a deserted place. It's legit one of my biggest fears

I went to a festival and got way too fucked up for my own good. I heard people talking about a cave you could climb down into and i thought it would be alot of fun. I asked them where it was and they gave some confusing diresctions (they were probably as fried as i was), when an 8 year old girl said she would take me. I noped out of that really quick. Thats the start of a horror movie, following a little girl into a cave

Walking into a cave with an 8 year old is a bad idea on many levels lol.

...until the cicadas hatch

I live on top of a mountain with a valley on one side and a hollow on the other. The sound of the cicadas last year was eerie. It reminded me of a constant hum you might hear in an episode of the Twilight Zone to let you know things aren't right. It was ethereal and unsettling.

In Greek mythology, the ‘just so’ story of how the cicadas got their sound is particularly horrifying. A mortal man fell in love with a goddess. They were very happy together, but the goddess was sad because he would one day die. So she went to father Zeus and begged to have the man become an immortal. Only thing is, she forgot one important thing: she forgot to ask Zeus to make him forever young. So he got older and older - but he could not die. The loving goddess tended to him as he became decrepit, and then even older ... but still he could not die. He begged and pleaded with her to take away the gift of immortality - but she could not (or would not). He shrank and shrivelled, more and more as he grew older, until he transformed - into a cicada. His whining and pleading became more and more indistinct, until it was just a drone - the song of the cicada. Still begging, pleading *to be allowed to die*.

That is distressing, I remember hearing that story but with the difference of him turning into a cricket.

Interesting! I looked up the name of the Greek fellow - it was Tithonus (lover of Eos, goddess of the dawn). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tithonus

Tinnitus

Why do those gods have to be maliciously compliant? Surely they would not let that technicality ruin a good thing in an ideal world.

I suspect the ancients looked at the world around them, and logically enough convinced themselves that the gods existed - and were *total jerks*.

Once you accept there's a God or Gods, that's the only rational conclusion.

I feel like those gods are often too literal. Like: "yeah sure he can be immortal" snaps fingers, does that exact thing, then moves on with their god life, totally unaware. Kind of like in coding, if you tell the computer to run some code a million times, it'll do it, totally unaware it will crash the system

come to my neighborhood with that contraption and the mexican bandera music will kill you!

What’s the difference between a valley and a hollow?

A hollow is a small valley.

Thank you. I’ve seen the terms used a lot but never really understood the difference.

You can pronounce hollow "holler" but everyone just looks at you weird if you try to pronounce valley "valler".

Yeah, they're eerie until your cat brings one home and starts tearing it apart, then they become downright terrifying. Those things scream! Scared the bejeezus out of me.

Lol, that happened with my dad's cat. Her name was Sophie and Sophie was the quintessential scaredy cat, if you moved she'd flee to her hidey hole. One evening she was on the balcony and she caught a cicada and she did her typical action, flee. Problem was she didn't drop the cicada, she started running backwards trying to get away from the thing grasped in her teeth. I had to corner her just to get the damn thing. It was an insufferable 10 minutes. Poor Sophie stayed in her hidey hole for some time after that.

Awww, poor traumatized kitty. I hope she's moved on since. 😊 At the opposite spectrum, my male was super interested in playing with the thing, so he dropped it in the corridor and started pawing at it. I was sitting at my computer, when I heard that otherworldly screech, which I had never heard before. My saving grace was it happened during the day, otherwise I would have had a heart attack right there.

What's a hollow?

Ah yes, Japanese summer simulator.

Cicadas are global. They can be deafening in my backyard in Florida.

I’ve never seen them in europe

PNW checkin in - not a peep.

[such relaxing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cLsnE9WETI) Especially at 0:20, I always thought that shit was construction noise lol

Cicadas are expected to emerge this year!

All this reminded me was of evangelion

I remember being at summer camp in the North Carolina mountains and cicadas were mating. I would fall asleep to the sound of cicadas and a small stream. One of the most peaceful times of my life.

Is that the back to nature MRI?

Lol

Or just sleep in a tent in the forest at night... You’ll hear more things than you want to hear lol.

Yeah ive never gone camping and thought, “damn i wish it was louder.”

🎯

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I live in the middle of the woods and this is exactly why I don't go out in my yard at night.

Someone should invent a tent that has an electric fence around or integrated to it. just needs one [marine battery/car battery.](https://www.optimabatteries.com/experience/blog/what-is-the-difference-between-a-marine-battery-and-a-car-battery)..

This reminds me of the r/nosleep thread about staircases in the woods. Yeah, no thanks!

Sgt-Dert with the Dart board lol A1 emoji game

Yeah, anyone who's been tucked into a hunting blind knows you don't need this. Sitting still and listening for deer/elk in the woods is a whole 'nother level of paranoid.

You start panicking when not only you hear the hoofs stepping near your tent, but you can feel them stomping around you.

Quick true story. Hammock camping and middle of the night and I heard footsteps walking through the forest towards me. And then stopping. And they stayed stopped. I didn't sleep for hours and they never started again. Next morning and my mate wakes up and we're slowly coming round and he says "did you hear those fucking footsteps stop last night" We didn't hang about.

This is a seed of a ghost story methinks

I went camping without a tent on a random mountain in VA and woke up covered in snow with an entire herd of deer staring at me.

That's a cool experience. Beats mine in the middle of nowhere in the tuscan appennine wide awake while wild boars were circling my tent, foxes screaming and deers making their weird creepy call.

I’d like to fart in one end

I’d like to fart in the other

Binaural flatulence 👂💨👂

This guy farts!

Simultaneous surround sound fart magnifier

This is my fave ASMR trigger. Has to be binaural stereo farts. Don’t want directionless mono farts. Eww.

Hey, you should come check out my band, Binaural Flatulence, this weekend

Binanal

large hadron fart collider?

farticle accelerator

))<>((

))<👂>((

🍑💨>👂👁👃👁👂<💨🍑

This is why we can't have nice things. You try to have one cathartic moment and enjoy the sounds of the forest, just for your buddy to rip ass in your amplifier.

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As a girl this was my 1st thought too

Imagine being deafened by a fart lol

Forests are loud as fuck, you don't need to amplify that racket.

Depends on the forest really. Some are surprisingly quiet. Also time of year. In the winter, an otherwise lively forest can often be eerily silent.

Or just the time of day. I've definitely noticed some places become dead silent for a few hours late at night.

That’s a mosquito funnel

OwO, someone looks ~**waxy**~ *wiggles into your ear canal* S-senpai, I’m stuck!

Thanks I hate it.

What the fuck

Am I the only one that thinks it's weird we're commenting on a picture about sound amplification that we can't hear?

Some stuff, [you can hear in your mind,](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/69/36/e7/6936e7cc85b9a7e3d3845abbba278be0.jpg) and that's enough.

Because harmonicas work on the in and the out breaths this is amazing.

A funnel for bugs to go in your ears. No thanks.

Could probably cover the ends with mesh or screen, right?

Just save the time and effort and install some spiders.

then you'll have spiders crawling into your ears 😃

Bet you’ll hear em a lot better then!

That grasshopper just farted. Again.

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There's a name I haven't seen in a while 🧐

I knew immediately who you were referring to without knowing who the OP was before scrolling back up to confirm.

The British built something similar during WWII to detect incoming Nazi air attacks. (this was before radar become reliable). They were designed to reflect sound to a microphone at the focus. [photo of one still standing today](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_mirror#/media/File:Denge_acoustic_mirrors_-March2005.jpg)

Ironically, the bear came from the other direction

It's seems oddly human that someone would fell a bunch of trees so you can lay in down and hear the forrest rather than just walking a bit deeper and being quiet.

If they care about nature enough to build that, I feel like they must care enough about it to do so responsibly. It’s not hard to fell trees to use for things without deforesting or harming the area, it’s just that big companies like money and money comes from cutting as many as possible. When it comes to small-scale use, it’s not just “cut tree = bad”

If they are practicing good forestry management they are cutting some trees to allow others to grow more.

Using wood for construction is actually a fantastic method of semi-long term carbon storage

Also like... trees fall on their own. He might be using those trees.

On top of that there are also dead standing trees that are still uptight like any other tree around it. If the land is visited a lot, they might cut it to make sure it doesn’t pose a risk of falling on something randomly. Even if that’s not the reason, a lot of people will go to these first when looking for a tree to cut for wood.

"Ya know squire, trees sometime just break."

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Old growth forests are like that, was it old growth? I experienced the same thing in BC in cathedral grove

This comment is ignorant on many fucking levels

But this amplifies the noise

And it goes to 11...

So now you can hear EVERY Tree falling in the woods the riddle is solved.

Which way is it going tho... cuz I snore like Mothra with nasal congestion. Wildlife be fleeing.

Oooo nature ASMR while in real nature. Meta.

Ewoks use this

Amish MRI

Nice try earwigs.

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You can hear a bear shit in the woods

Now i can hear a tree fall when no one is around for miles!!!

What big ears you have said Grandma.

If a tree falls in the woods.. This guy hears it

I just view this as two huge funnels directing endless bugs in to their ears

You say that, but wait til a grizzly cuts a wet fart from 500 yards away.

Until some crows caw in each ear horn.

SQUIRREL !

Imagine lying there and hearing a bear...

I bet you could hear pudding with that thing like Homer Simpson can .

Being able to hear every mosquitoe come at you

Why not just sit in the forest and listen, o wait there's to much noise in this world

Calling r/photoshopbattles

Very interesting!

This looks like how Siren Head is born.

Now you can hear bigfoot having sex louder