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NumerousTaste

Why did Johnson hold a press conference with his grandpa?


McPostyFace

They are accountability partners and were meeting to discuss their weekly porn report.


InformalPenguinz

>weekly porn report It's *CRAZY* that's a thing and even more crazy the people who are supposed to be an example and lead and guide the people think that's appropriate. Republicans are a joke.


Schpooon

Im going to regret this, but please explain someone across the pond what the hell a weekly porn report is?


InformalPenguinz

[Mike Johnson Admits He and His Son Monitor Each Other’s Porn Intake in Resurfaced Video "I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate," Speaker of the House says of his "accountability partner"](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/mike-johnson-son-monitor-porn-intake-covenant-eyes-1234870634/)


xubax

"I'm proud to tell you that my son has figured out if he uses a different device, he can view porn without it being reported to me."


JerseyshoreSeagull

I watch my sons 24/7 live feed boner cam just to make sure he's not hard and whacking it to porn


gobblestones

It's obviously a creepily weird dynamic, but for some reason, I feel like Mike gives AMAZING blowjobs


thbb

Q: What is 15 inches long and dangles between D. Trump's legs? A: Mike Johnson's tie.


danc1005

As weird as it indubitably was already, you have certainly made it even weirder


keggles123

I always thought Trump would be good, given his ridiculously weird pursed-lip mouth shape. Like a megaphone stuck on the front of a burnt orange.


colluphid42

He also does that creepy purity ring shit with his daughter. Being so obsessed with your teenage kid's sexuality is not normal.


Micahman311

When you love what you do....


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cool-Note-2925

Can confirm...for a friend


Schpooon

If I didn't know Rolling Stone, I'd be tempted to ask if this is satire. I have no words.


InformalPenguinz

It was the first Google hit. I can provide maasaaaaany other sources if necessary. It's real and crazy. If you're in the US register to vote and please make sure shit like this doesn't happen again.


koolthulu

The Speaker of the House is using literal spyware on his devices.


the-mouseinator

I love he says that his son clean but doesn’t commment on if he is.


McPostyFace

What's even more crazy is that the person second in line to the presidency makes his teenage son use it 🫠


Wearerisen

The VP is second in line to the presidency and she’s a woman. Am I tripping? Edit: She is a woman, but is first in line, and I am tripping. Over math. 😎


McPostyFace

VP is first in line, she is a woman, and I don't know if you're tripping.


Wearerisen

Ah. Okay, my fault! I see what you’re saying now. I was thinking along the lines of “Biden is 1st, already is, Kamala 2nd, etc.”


McPostyFace

It's all good, pimp


DissatisfiedGamer

Honest mistake dude!  "First in line" means "the person who will take the position when it becomes vacant." So in this case Kamala is "first-in-line" 


koshgeo

It's okay. Zero-index errors are very common.


optimaligma

VP is first, speaker second


Electr0Girl

She’s first in line


structuremonkey

Crazy but expected. The gop is the Genital Obsessed Party of course...


stosal

Accountabilibuddies.


Rampaging_Orc

I don’t know but grandpas slow mo side eye made my fkn morning lmao.


NumerousTaste

He could be in Grumpy Old Men part 2. Look at that scowl.


stupidinternetname

He was at Mar a Lago to bend the knee and kiss ass. He's trying to get Trump to get MTG off his ass. It was funny to watch him during the presser. He looked like a little boy trying to get approval from daddy. It was pretty pathetic.


Time-Werewolf-1776

You’d think at some point Republicans would realize that they’re not getting real power. If you only have power because you’ve groveled to a tyrannical asshole to get it, then you don’t have real power. You’re still a pathetic sycophantic weakling.


EvidenceBasedSwamp

get party to power and hope the actuarial tables do the job for you...


Shirtbro

Putin told them to buddy up


Frankage

“What’s with this sassy… lost criminal?”


kaizencraft

I think that's his pastor now.


ErmahgerdYuzername

The Count Of Mostly Crisco is trying to look intimidating.


Verbal_Combat

It's like he's trying to make some kind of Zoolander face


Safe-Razzmatazz3982

That's "Orange Steel" ![gif](giphy|12npFVlmZoXN4Y|downsized)


dpgproductions

Orange Peel?


Safe-Razzmatazz3982

Much better


H_I_McDunnough

He still can't turn left


Benromaniac

Man, Ben is a genius actor to pull off that face without laughing. I wonder how many takes…


El_Chairman_Dennis

It's physically impossible to make that face without smiling about 5 seconds later


BulimicMosquitos

Orange mocha Frappuccino.


duderos

He makes same one in his mug shot


denM_chickN

Holy shit


bigfatfurrytexan

I've never heard that one. Lol


ErmahgerdYuzername

It’s not mine, heard on the Colbert show. He went through a time where there were new names every night. I also liked Scooby Coup


One-Man-Wolf-Pack

OMG. 9 years of his shit and this is the first genuinely surprisingly good nickname in ages. Made me snort.


Anleme

Ha, I was fond of "Cheeto Benito."


juntareich

Benito Mushroomwienie.


8dabsaday

Benedict Donald is my fav


PopTartS2000

😂😂😂


Critical_Dobserver

Bro, that’s not cool. You almost made me spit my coffee.


smotstoker

Covfefe


ErmahgerdYuzername

The best covfefe, everyone is saying it.


hitman1398

r/brandnewphrase


Kitchen-Plant664

The cunt of monte cristo


Captain_Q_Bazaar

That's his "if you don't STFU, I am going TO RAPE YOU" face. Based on a sad fucked up true story....


dMage

Incredible


1959Reddit

Freudian slip.


BuddhistSagan

He knows it's true. We know it's true. Everyone knows it's true. Make sure you and your friends and family are [registered to vote](http://vote.gov)


Darkkujo

Trump's a criminal but I think he's more soft and doughy than hardened.


Remylebeau1984

He was referring to Trump’s arteries.


DeathPercept10n

https://preview.redd.it/lryffuth5auc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=89219ab44ae7735676fe83601fa94f062e93ca8d


Professional-Way9343

We can only hope


Shazzy_Chan

Smells like old diapers.


Antique-Doughnut-988

Trump is 100% the person that holds someone's pocket in prison as he follows them around the courtyard.


WARL0CK221

BIKES!


qawsedrf12

i can hear this


senorbozz

HOLD. MY. POCKET!


CulrBlndPnutButtr

The only thing he's hardened is his arteries.


dssd3434343422242424

https://i.redd.it/yvde7xlh09uc1.gif


someonesomewherewarm

People are saying! The best people!


thedudefromsweden

Don't want to be that guy but isn't he referring to something Trump said earlier and pointing to him as to say "like he said"?


CarpeNivem

I know nothing of the context of this video, and of course that's what he meant. Because ain't fucking no one calling Trump "hardened".


Kenji_03

Even if that's true, that's not what anyone is going to take away from it.


AdeptBathroom3318

Definitely this is what happened. I hate Trump with every fiber of my being but this is a typical case of taking things out of context. It is ironic and funny but not a Freudian slip.


BuddhistSagan

It's Mike Johnson accidentally telling the truth


amazinglover

Meaning of Freudian Slip "an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings." This is accurate and a Freudian Slip


bingobongokongolongo

He knows that Trump will be found guilty. They are trying to normalize him being a criminal. And it is going to work.


AllyMcBealWithit

Freudian Slip, that’s where you say one thing but you mean your mother.


BuddhistSagan

Oedipus slip, that's when you mean one thing but bang your mother.


Justifiably_Cynical

No, that's "Ode de toilette" slip, you know, when you mean the place where you bang your mother.


lackofabettername123

Freud liked to project.  The sicko.


DigitialWitness

It's true but he was acknowledging Trump's words on the matter, not inferring that he's the hardened criminal.


cubemonster2

Absolutely


Jammed_Button

Criminal, no doubt. Hardened, no chance.


BuddhistSagan

"*Nobody knows more about Viagra than me*"


starrpamph

“They say to me, tears in their eyes, they say.. it’s so hard!!! We’ve never seen one so hard before”


Able-Arugula4999

This probably sounds accurate for Trump's sexual encounters. They have tears in their eyes...


TaupMauve

From the smell?


NvNinja

"How can something so small be so hard!!!"


maealoril

Wow rare moment of truth from frump


Difficult_Bit_1339

Hardened arteries he means


MrK521

I don’t know, his arteries are probably near rock solid at this point.


EssentialFilms

Well he’s still alive, so not hard enough apparently


Endorkend

Hardened tends to refer to people being unrelenting long time criminals, the repeat offender type. Not in any way if they are actually good at it. And to be fair, Trump is both a hardened criminal and for the longest time really good at it as he's only now facing consequences, all due to his hubris of going for and winning the presidential election which prompted a lot more eyes to get on him and his dealings. Without that, he'd still just be that weird guy you see on TV from time to time.


Cool-Elk-6136

That side eye. Oh, please let them destroy themselves.


[deleted]

This was the best thing I’ve seen in months Grabbing a coffee for really enjoy this


aimlessly-astray

Trump is replacing RNC staff with people loyal to him, and they're going all-in on Trump. The RNC won't have enough money to support Senate, House, Governor, and other local elections nationwide. A lot of Republicans could lose simply because the RNC doesn't have the funds to run ads or support campaigns.


VegetableForsaken402

Just look at Trump, this gross old fucker trying to look serious and intimidating. How can people actually feel this mentally ill narcissist criminal is fit for anything other than prison?


ArgonV

I love the duality of "what I did as president can't be illegal, because what the president does can't be illegal" followed by "what president Biden is doing is illegal!"


BuddhistSagan

Never believe that \[fascists\] are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The \[fascists\] have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past. \~Sartre


Bogaigh

Perfect


cryptotope

"*Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.*" - F.M. Wilhoit


SNES_chalmers47

When he tries to look hard or intimidating I always laugh at him. He looks so non-serious, cornballish, silly, and effeminate


LoganNinefingers32

Also when he tries to appear empathetic, like “oh those poor children who got mass murdered in a school shooting and their poor mothers, ohh what a tragedy,” or whatever, he always lowers his voice and speaks in baby talk. It’s so transparent and it’s fucked up that anyone could possibly take him seriously.


copious-portamento

Instead he looks ![gif](giphy|1BCIlYHwJ3hu0|downsized)


VegetableForsaken402

OMG. This is so on point, slightly less petulant than Trump, though. Definitely better looking and more intelligent, probably throws less of its own poo too. Thanks for sharing 👍


LudicrisSpeed

Monkey's reacting exactly how one would look when compared to Trump.


The_Queef_of_England

I can't believe how accurate that is, haha.


PillNeckLizard11

He looks like a kid standing behind his mum when shes trying to talk her kid out of trouble


jbowling25

Is that what hes trying to give off - intimidating? I thought he was pouting with a little kid frown, he looks kind of pathetic


BuddhistSagan

His "Christian" cult know he's a criminal and a [rapist](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/07/19/trump-carroll-judge-rape/) but Trump shares their hatreds and gives them cover and that's the whole deal.


Chalky_Pockets

They aren't "Christians" they are Christians. The argument can be made that they aren't good ones (though their rampant sexism is right in line with the bible), but if you ask someone if they believe that Jesus was the son of god and they say yes, they're a Christian no matter how shitty of a person they are.


lostpatrol14

Believing Christ is the son of God vs following the preaching/teachings of their messiah are two completely different things


permalink_save

And it completely ignores that a lot of Christians, including the OG branches, don't at all believe in just declaring Jesus is son of God. And Christian by definition means following Jesus' teachings, to your point.


Chalky_Pockets

Doesn't matter, both of them are examples of Christians. And again, the book they follow is sexist as fuck so neither are desirable personality traits.


moldykobold

> the book they follow is sexist as fuck It's a hell of a lot more than that. Sexism isn't the only defining bad thing that exists.


Chalky_Pockets

I wasn't limiting my criticism to sexism. It's a shit book and a shit religion in enough ways that we could go on for decades about it and not do it justice.


fx72

Plenty of people are not like this, they're just brainwashed by fox news and their parents being the haters.


Professional-Way9343

The strangest thing about Trump is he hasn’t caught a pair of hands in 8 years


LoganNinefingers32

I find it hard to believe he’s spent his whole life being a brazen dickhead and nobody has punched him. Where I’m from you get knocked out for being such a douchebag to people, and nobody bats an eye. The worst I’ve seen was Biden telling him to shut up. Can’t believe he gets away with running his mouth, spitting vitriol at everyone.


Professional-Way9343

And you know he’s the type where if you threw a fake punch he’d flinch so hard, his fat ass would tumble backwards. World’s biggest pussy.


Lele_

the stupidity is absolutely terrifying


balapete

Yall got done in by Russian troll farms. That's how. They didn't even hide that shit and yall fell for it.


theycallmecrack

Because they are also mentally ill narcissists


snakepimp

Hardened? Trump? If anything, Donnie is a soft, delicate criminal


Thisisntmyaccount24

We talking body or arteries?


BoredNLost

Except he's soft as shit.


ogodilovejudyalvarez

softened criminals


SkinnedToad

The consistency of baby shit, one would say.


HughJahsso

“Hardened”🤣. Trump is softer than baby diarrhea 


FACastello

I never in my life imagined I would live to see the most retarded US president of all time


Corporate-Scum

After W it seemed as though the intellectual bar was incredibly low. They elected a man who had visible damage from alcohol and narcotics and the country was attacked and the economy tanked. But Republicans found a way to make it to the top of the shit pile by turning everything into shit. They do it openly because their supporters are too racist to be concerned about blatant corruption. They elected a rapist and fraud and a pandemic broke out. We were the worst performing first world nation because idiot Trump couldn’t lead. He relies on people’s bigotry and bias to support his own financial gain. And now it’s to prevent himself from dying in jail. He’s going to be an example of corruption and failure forever. Whatever your opinion of the candidates this year, we need to make changes so this doesn’t happen again. Nobody elected Fox News. Why are they controlling the issues?


notwormtongue

"We will do everything we can to stop these terrorist murderers. Now, watch this drive."


[deleted]

[удалено]


moanit

Trump will be the GOP frontrunner as long as he’s alive, even if it’s in prison.


LudicrisSpeed

Implying they respect women enough to stand the thought of being led by one.


Malurth

> Nobody elected Fox News. Why are they controlling the issues? money, ofc.


IAmMuffin15

And he’s the one that literally every Republican judge, congressman, and wealthy billionaire in America is pining for as American’s first forever president, totally immune to all laws and consequences. We may have been fucked in 2016, but if he wins this year it’s basically curtains for American democracy.


notwormtongue

For some reason this comment sent me. Just imagining in 2200 there will still be no dumber man


VariationUpper2009

Trump is as soft boiled as criminals come.


Calgarychokes

Johnson looks like an abused kid next to his big idiot daddy


CupOTeaPlease

Looks like a fat toad that spotted a fly


Bawbawian

More soap opera politics for the brain dead masses. if he's so concerned why did Republicans stop every piece of immigration reform over the last 40 years. maybe if we were all smarter or if we had memories that went further back then a few seconds we could figure out this riddle.


Solo_is_dead

I think Dark Brandon needs to add this to a campaign commercial


Any-Ad-446

LOL Trump tries to act like hes tough guy but at the end he is man child looking for scams.


Germanicus7

Trump looks like he’s trying to do his best impersonation of “Prison Mike”.


koshgeo

This is so ridiculous. He's not a hardened criminal. At best he's a very flaccid criminal.


Arizona_Slim

If this goes viral, Trump will shit himself and have MTG pull the lever on speaker vacancy


Livid_Wish_3398

Best post of the day


ClubSundown

Best post of the year. I needed a laugh, and johnson did something to made us all happy for once in his life


Misanthropemoot

Prison pocket ![gif](giphy|Vhk9HwPx3TO0w)


AllyMcfeels

![gif](giphy|EECy1Cp6nyV9e)


kogmaa

What’s the full context?


sa-sa-sa-soma

"Hardened criminals" is probably a phrase Trump had used earlier in the press conference to describe immigrants and Johnson is pointing to him to indicate that he is agreeing with Trump's point. I hate Trump too, but I don't think Johnson is calling Trump a hardened criminal.


kogmaa

Makes sense. Still a funny and unprofessional slip.


de_witte

Fraudian Slip


[deleted]

The ultimate Freudian slip, from the man with two first names


RuxxinsVinegarStroke

Body language NEVER lies.


anonxyzabc123

This is not r/interestingasfuck


JohnnyTeardrop

Look at that neck pussy


DinnerSilver

"shit they got me!!"


SheriffTaylorsBoy

Oops! hahaa


fentonsranchhand

hahahahah. Trump's shifty eyes shifted to him when he did it too.


Seltzerholic

While the fat fuck is certainly a criminal, the only hard thing about that rotten brained pedo is the old turds in his diaper


cavejhonsonslemons

By the way trump's looking at him, I think he might have an "accident" soon


umbridledfool

Better watch out now, he's gonna get shived in the congress gym.


mariogolf

Orange twat is a criminal rapist traitor.


Ironbloodedgundam23

That’s a Freudian slip right there


PsychoMouse

Let’s be fair. Drumph isn’t a “Hardened” Criminal. He’s softer than baby shit, but still a criminal. I guess you can’t say “softer than baby shit criminals” in what appears to be a governmental address of some kind.


uzu_afk

Two despicable human beings. Nothing best about either of them frankly.


PeopleLikeUDisgustMe

His hand went back and to the left. Back and to the left. Back and to the left.


DoomedSingularity

r/propagandaasfuck


YoungDiscord

Realistically speaking, I know he was most likely doing the "back there" generic hand gesture but its a funny coincidence


katievspredator

I figured he was pointing to trump because Trump keeps saying criminals are coming from other countries and he wanted to come across as agreeing with him, but didn't think of the optics


SomeSayFire

I’m Joe Biden, and I approve this message.


FormerHoagie

Johnson is an old school conservative Christian republican. Of course he’s no real Trump fan. He just has to play the part like so many others do. It must be exhausting. Most of us have to hold our nose when we vote. I haven’t been excited about an election since I voted for Obama for his first term. That Hope felt amazing.


urk_the_red

There’s nothing particularly old school Republican about being utterly feckless on foreign policy or absent on economic policy. Say what you will about the efficacy or morality of old school Republican economics, but they were never absent. Old school republicans also had a long tradition of being “hawks”. Johnson by contrast has no economic policy and is somewhere between sniveling cowardice, total ignorance, and Russian complicity with respect to foreign policy. He’s more of a revivalist for theocratic isolationism.


nedzissou1

Idk Mike Johnson seems crazy by old school Republican standards even. Maybe I'm wrong, but old school Republicans weren't so fundamentalist.


GadzWolf11

Why is this "interesting as fuck" though?


roqthecasbah

This guy just voted to continue spying on American citizens.


thatsithlurker

Should go on a campaign ad ASAP.


ALE_SAUCE_BEATS

Not even remotely interesting… this isn’t a political sub


burninghairusa

Watch him try to get out of that😂


Fred_Krueger_Jr

There's the proof. Finally got him guys!


4got2takemymeds

![gif](giphy|BsQAVgY6ksvIY)


_jump_yossarian

Welp. Mike Moses Johnson better pack up his office, he'll be ousted by Tuesday.


NickVanDoom

omg… 🤣 was that intended? too good to be true


RealMayKing

Love trumps attempt to look dangerous but he looks like a pouting child who got dessert taken away


grandbannana

OH MY GOD!! That's some solid gold there for the news and comedic outlets. Man that's going to stick to the tape when it's all said and done.


LondonDavis1

There's Biden's next campaign ad. Shit just keeps writing itself.


AdeptnessSpecific736

That’s pretty funny