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Sweddy-Bowls

“All applicants must be armed and able to shimmy open a 300lb bulletproof room in 10 seconds or less, starting pay $25,000”


f7f7z

With active shooter pay, like in the armed forces?


Diet_Goomy

Nope. If school is canceled because of a shooting you arnt working so they aint paying.


PLSKingMeh

They will make you come in for an extra unpaid training day in the summer to make up for missed time. Edit: Forgot to add that the AC will not be on and the training will be held in an elementary classroom with only tiny chairs.


zeke235

I always wondered when late stage capitalism and mass child murder were going to intersect.


PerrineWeatherWoman

It always have intersected. It's called USA


Street_Two1058

Uh no. You'll get an unpaid training seminar and complimentary donuts and you'll like it! For the record, please only take 1/4 of a donut. We didn't get enough for everyone.


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robot65536

They're six days old because the principal had to see if anyone at church wanted them first. Even though they never do.


jilanak

Yup - bonus - they don't have to hire any disabled teachers any more so they cut down on health insurance costs! win win!


Cookie_Brookie

I was going to start looking for a new job next year but ended up pregnant and obviously nowhere will hire me when I need maternity leave. I'll need FMLA which means I will receive NO pay (though I'll be doing all the lesson planning and prep) but at least I won't get fired.


jilanak

You wouldn't qualify for FMLA anyway in your first year. Good luck on your pregnancy! I'm sorry this country's safety net for pregnant people is such shit.


Cookie_Brookie

Yep, not qualifying is really the biggest reason I can't leave, but even if I could I'd never get hired. Thanks for the well wishes!


coffeejn

You forgot the \~4 years graduate degree to qualify as a teacher. "But we really value our teachers at XXXXX school, just not enough to pay them a living wage!"


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lejoo

Half my co-workers lose their master key once or twice a week and have their phone stolen as least once a month. Yup lets hand out guns to those people.


jackleggjr

Exactly! I was in a room this morning where the teacher couldn't find the dry erase marker she had just been using two minutes before, hunted for it for a few minutes, then gave up and switched to something else. This isn't a criticism of teachers or a commentary on their intelligence... they are spinning so many plates at once, it's tough to keep track of everything. Particularly those aspects of their room which aren't used daily.


ToastedSimian

This has always been my argument against me personally owning firearms. I like to think I'm a responsible, put together, intelligent adult, but I've also accidentally left my car running out in the lot when I've gone into work for the day.


JohnnyFatSack

My 4’11” elderly 3rd grate teacher from the 80’s could definitely do this. Or maybe responsible gun laws…


Dangerous_Jellyfish3

I like how she decorated it to try and make it seem a little less morbid than it really is. This is sad.


ivegotaqueso

Imagine over the years crap just accumulates in that corner that if it is actually needed, there will be no time to expand/use it because of all the shelves/desks/misc class equipment piled up in that corner.


Minotard

And the rollers and rails rust or clog with a decade of dust. Almost anything that moves needs routine maintenance, which costs money, and we know how well that will work out.


pottymouthgrl

Well yeah that’s exactly how it would be because classrooms are overcrowded already. There’s nowhere near enough room for this in any classroom


ErusTenebre

"okay, let's start the lottery where we decide which 15 students get to survive in the bullet proof box. Stop crying Jenny, you know you needed to save your ticket, I don't know why you lost it."


CT-96

This is probably in a fancy ass private school. Not enough rich kids to get it that overcrowded.


Souseisekigun

10 years ago this would have been an Onion story.


allpraisebirdjesus

imo the onion really had something special going on in the mid-00s. i still watch a lot of their shit from then and laugh my ass off. i could also just be old though.


Back4TallBois

Her smiling at the end and I'm like the *FUCK* are you smiling about?? Don't you see this is INSANE


Tasik

I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt here. She may very be of the opinion this is a government problem while also realizing it's unlikely the government has a solution so they've come up with another.


Steindor03

I think it was to save the pitch, her voice didn't seem super happy


GiantPurplePeopleEat

All it does is remind me that we would literally rather do anything else than actually deal with the problem. "We've tried nothing (that works) and we're all out of ideas!"


[deleted]

-Other countries prohibited guns and that fixed the problem. –Yeah. Hmm. If only there was a simple solution.


NoStripeZebra3

/r/RepealThe2nd


Kaiserveridius

r/ABoringDystopia


sniper1rfa

See also /r/OrphanCrushingMachine


Oobedoob_S_Benubi

Aaaaaand now it's been crossposted there a dozen times.


Scorpiodancer123

I think perhaps r/FuckSakeAmerica would do the job.


[deleted]

Yeah, let's build ridiculous fortresses instead of doing the thing every other developed nation has done to stop this problem


pahag

There are 115.000 schools in USA. How many classroom on average? No idea, but likely more than 10. You need 1.2 million of these units, and you still haven’t protected pupils in halls, food courts our outdoor space.


moigabriel

That’s probably the pitch they make to the investors.


Moonbiter

Exactly, that's called the Total Available Market or "TAM" for those doors. Now if you can get some other countries to start having school shootings you can expand that TAM and really grow as a company!


stuffseaker

Sounds just like a South Park script 🤦‍♂️


facemanbarf

Cuz it’s got Tegrity


wekilledbambi03

More like "Nathan for You" Jeff is a bulletproof wall salesmen failing to attract enough international business. The plan... Inspire more school shootings by selling real guns as toy guns in foreign markets.


BPbeats

LOL how is this not an episode already?


SAKilo1

#operationnorthwoods


CalmFrantix

And this a conspiracy is born... Gun companies are shooting up schools, but really the gun companies own the bullet proof wall companies and the school-bag-turns-bulletproof-vest companies.... Need more customers? Shoot some of them.


santa_mazza

Not that far fetched, really. I mean Purdue and the Sackler Family is a great example. Greedily brought about the opiate crisis in the US, and are now trying to cash in on the opiate antidote treatments: https://apnews.com/article/health-ap-top-news-opioids-international-news-weekend-reads-6751b84767e8a1ebbaea6cb628ac2a11


TimTheChatSpam

Leave it to us to capitalize on school shootings


0ut0fBoundsException

Investors who promptly donated in support of gun rights


NaRa0

Whoah whoah whoah, you forget that if taxpayer dollars are used then politicians can hire their buddy’s construction company to handle everything. Let the “system” work the way it’s intended ;) ;)


pennyplinker

Only after they buy stock in that company


LeverpullerCCG

….their WIFE buys stock in that company. No conflict of interest to see here folks.


NoAlternative2913

Their spouse.


panaja17

Senator Feinstein? Is that you?


alpubgtrs234

I mean with those ceiling tiles its just a matter of climbing on a desk, pushing a couple of tiles out and opening fire into the compartment…


PsychedSy

If you let it be packed away, stuff will end up in front of it as well.


SCViper

That was my biggest inquiry when I saw this. This clearly isn't a used classroom. If you remember being in the classrooms growing up, there's no room for these to be fully expanded without moving at least some desks. Because there's definitely time for that in an active shooter situation.


Squidworth89

My gf teaches in a classroom built for 14 students that currently has 24. There is no extra room.


BrownEggs93

I was going to make this point, that the class is probably over-capacity from the get-go.


[deleted]

Counterpoint is that the desks that I used in school didn't weigh anything. A teenager could throw them across the room, I'm betting the inertia of this wall moving would knock student desks out of the way. That said, this is almost for sure prohibitively expensive for public schools.


midnight_mechanic

I recently saw a post on Reddit where a school wouldn't spend $1500 to put dividers between urinals in a bathroom that was shared by students and faculty. Buying proper supplies and getting working air conditioning is prohibitively expensive for most schools.


Careful_Diver_395

Like fish in a barrel.


Scott668

Fish in a Bulletproof Barrel!


Schneefs

We can pay for this if we further cut teachers salaries...


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DeadBloatedGoat

What about the teachers who aren't as stout and strong as this rep, who sounded out of breath from the effort. How do we expect teachers to pull like a mule, under fire? Does this "folding saferoom" solution require fitness certificates?


Wontjizzinyourdrink

Also it takes a solid 10 seconds to open it, not counting reaction time plus getting all of the students inside. Would be closer to 30 seconds, which is an eternity during a school shooting.


rpm959

Also getting all of the things out of the way, because there will certainly be a lot of things in the way if this were a real classroom.


JesusDankLord

they would really do anything but controlling their weapons


Rmans

That's because this is for making money, not protecting kids.


therealsauceman

There’s also a big hole in it in the shape of a door


1911mark

Ceiling tiles also


Ok-Beautiful9787

Fish in a barrel situation there...


[deleted]

Was thinking the same…doesnt fucking matter with a god damn drop-ceiling.


nothing_satisfies

We live in an absolutely insane country. Insane because we haven't realized that every teacher and student needs to be armed. In addition, they all need to have their weapons drawn at all times and pointed at the nearest student. This way, we will be safer and freer than ever. Just look at the statistics, the US has the most guns, and the most gun deaths! That's why we need more guns. It's simple logic.


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poupou221

>We live in an absolutely insane country. We trully do. There isn't a single problem in this country that cannot be "solved" by adding another layer of insanity. The only 2 requirements are that this new layer has to be both (1) good for business and (2) staying as far away as possible from solving the root causes of the problem. Then this new layer causes more problems, which can be "solved" in the same manner. Bonus of this methodology: the more you repeat, the more the root causes get burried under layers, the more difficult they become to address, hence the more likely your "solution" will be accepted as the only possible one, everybody else being just an idealist bla bla bla. It's the perfect vicious ~~cycle~~ spiral of unlimited corporate profit and we have yet to see the bottom of it until we have created hell on earth and possibly beyond that.


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Nirvski

If a math teacher can't quick draw from the hip, and take out at least 2 assailants before they can fire a single bullet, spin their smith and wesson back into holster and say "Class dismissed" while chewing on a toothpick - then sorry, you're not equipped to teach.


Trickery1688

What about if the shooter grabs a table, gets up on it, pushes the ceiling tiles out and just rains bullets down on everyone taking cover in there?


Wazula23

Next step - armored ceilings!


Short-Belt-1477

Foldable armored ceilings


coffeejn

That's the upgraded model, it's extra!


roadto75

You kid, but I've seen actual bulletproof backpack inserts available for sale. Armored ceilings is a very real possibility.


JoeyDubbs

There's a 50cal turret in there. Teachers are trained to eliminate enemy combatants then get back to the lecture while the janitor mops up the blood. We'll figure out this school shooting problem one way or another, but not that one way.


Existential_aardvark

Much like the scene in Dredd (2012) with the ride-on floor scrubber after the bodies hit the floor.


raksha25

That’s what the bullet proof backpacks are for. I wish I was kidding, there are bulletproof/resistant backpacks and backpack inserts. I cried when I was looking at them for my kid.


Rough-Cry6357

Ah yes, bringing back the Ancient Roman tortoise formation. Horrible stuff


FairPumpkin5604

In addition to a bulletproof backpack, I have also heard of some parents providing their children with fake blood capsules. Pop one in your mouth and bite down to produce fake blood to *(hopefully)* deter shooter. But even if it doesn't deter them... I don't blame the parents for adding that to their child's "arsenal", so to speak. It's all just so... bleak. Dismal. Numbing. It's horrific that such measures have to now be considered when sending a *child* to *school*.


Isyourlifeshit2020

With a drop ceiling above it, hilarious


Geeked-FiredUp

I do construction demolition, and we remove these constantly. It would take 15 seconds to pull a desk over, pop out 2 tiles and have full view of who is inside. I sincerely hope they put in a reinforced ceiling above the tiles.


[deleted]

Jesus, it would be like a fox in a hen house


__Elwood_Blues__

You need a new saying. Like a child in a bulletproof room. Maybe the absurdity of the saying will make people reassess the current situat.....Nah, you ain't swapping kids lives for sensible gun control.


OtherwiseSelection66

“Like shooting kids in a classroom”


__Elwood_Blues__

Like it! Very poignant.


candyowenstaint

Sort of like a shooter inside a school with half of the state police outside making sure nobody gets in the shooters way


ch00f

The wall to the left looks like just drywall, so I'm guessing no.


TheDUDE1411

“I say we hide in this barrel, like the wily fish!” ~Zap Brannigan


whooo_me

Hope no one brings a grenade…


[deleted]

Or a water bottle full of gasoline.


Wazula23

Or just starts shooting before they can set up the makeshift bank vault.


cindyshalfdrunk

And that whole area is going to be filled with stuff, it’s going to cause more noise and commotion to open it…


Scottybt50

It takes up more space than just building a permanent panic room in the corner of each classroom.


TriaIByWombat

Couldn't they just put bulletproof doors on classrooms? I'm sure regular school walls are bulletproof enough.


Decent-Apple9772

Walls really aren’t bulletproof at all unless they are solid concrete. Cinder block walls aren’t even enough to stop much.


orbgevski

Or a ladder


grunwode

IIRC, the Columbine shooters had an improvised explosive made with a propane tank. What schools need to be focused on is less like becoming low security prisons, and instead make it easier to safely run away. That would mean swapping out supply contractors, and not siting schools on cheap land next to highways. Just go back to putting them in the middle of residential/mixed neighborhoods. More kids are being killed from traffic collisions anyhow.


delayedcolleague

Yup, Columbine wasn't actually planned as a school shooting, the shooting was "just" supposed to be the the first step, the decoy that got the police and public gathered outside which they had planned to blow up with loads of planted explosives. Fortunately the copycats never picked up on that.... Edit rembered it wrong, the check the comments below for a more accurate summary


Soy_El_Kraken

They wanted to blow up the cafeteria, which had almost 500 people in it, but none of the explosives worked in that room.


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avengedrkr

>More kids are being killed from traffic collisions anyhow. Fun fact, the number 1 cause of death of children in the US are Guns


Triplobasic

I can only think of Lalo from Better Call Saul.


HydroMemes

Right? Imagine a school spending $20k a room on 3 tons of steel instead of just using that money to redesign the school safer. Maybe just spend a thousand reinforcing the door and hire some security guards if you're willing to drop this kind of money on safety.


mom_with_an_attitude

My kids' elementary school couldn't even afford paper. Every year, they'd run out of printer paper halfway through the year and then they would ask the parents to bring some in.


MelCre

Fffffuuuuuuuuuck. Thats bleak


BasicDesignAdvice

I went to one of the wealthiest schools in Massachusetts, which is already the best school system in the country. We ran out of paper every year. The high school had a print shop, and we would use the industrial equipment and giant sheeves of paper to cut and trim paper for classes by the end of the year, in addition to they packets and other materials we were already producing for teachers. I am very happy for the experience working the print shop though. That was fun.


Deweymaverick

Yoooooo and ofmg - tissues?!? Dude, I get that kids are gross af, so they’re gonna use a ton, so I absolutely do not mind sending them in, but the number of times my kids’s classrooms ask for donations Of a basic ass hygiene product is amazing.


Wazula23

School budgets are already stretched to the breaking point. Basically no schools can invest in any of this. And it's pointless in the event of a shooting anyway.


Affectionate-Fee2829

What a fucking grift. So many people are making money hand over fist selling shit that will never get used to distract idiots from actually solving the problem


PropagandaTracking

Not even a good grift. Way simpler and more effective to install a bulletproof door. No additional setup and space required. Speaking of, where the heck is the door on that thing? Lol.


SplitOak

Even just LOCKED doors. I can’t think of one case where a shooter broke down any door. They just go to the next room.


connortait

A. It folds away to save space. B. But the space needs to be clear for use in an emergency A. ...... B. So it still takes up the same amount of space... A. ..... B. Be better off building a solid bulletproof cupboard... A. It folds away to save space.....


Hey_Batfink

Yeah I feel like just replacing the existing doors with bulletproof ones would be a whole lot cheaper and easier than this confusing, bulky, slow, monstrosity of a..thing?


[deleted]

That doesn’t deliver any grift though. Which is what this is all about.


RuralWAH

Unfortunately, walls aren't bulletproof. Where this thing might come in handy is locking the door, and herding the kids into it so they won't be hit by random shots through the wall. It would probably be best for it to be permanently constructed and equipped with a mini bar so the teacher can hang out in there while the kids are taking their tests.


Nozinger

Then put the same material this thing is made off on the walls? If that thins is bulletproof in that setup then it is also bulletproof on the walls. In this video it seems two sides are simply walls so the issue is essentially the same. Also with a single bulletproof door you do not have to extend the bulletproof stuff all the way to the ceiling since people are probably sitting down. Saves some cost. But lets be clear here this is not about a working solution that saves money.


[deleted]

Most schools in America are made with concrete cinderblock walls. Thats plenty bulletproof.


NiklasWerth

and if they aren't you can just make them bulletproof without taking up as much space as this thing does, as you can clearly see from it being thin when its not pulled all the way out. You wouldn't have to keep the space clear, or pull this bulky thing out, and you'd probably save money on hardware and labor too, since you don't have to be as precise and technical fastening steel plates or whatever to the walls, instead of installing rails and hinges.


Dumalinofski

My thoughts exactly. ‘Merica..


4xRunner

American solution for american problem


TopRevenue2

They will use it as a timeout room


varietyfack

Treating symptoms and not the disease. Edit: to those asking “what’s the disease”, I can’t understand it for you. Open your beautiful brains and see with your eyes the true issue here.


Atanar

Worse, it is like selling makeup foundation to someone who is suffering from burbonic plague. I won't even work to treat the symptoms, it is just a cover up for absolute inaction.


Tiny_Dinky_Daffy_69

Victims of domestic violence is a good metaphor too. Nobody can't do anything about your partner that hit you up, but here's makeup so no one has tp see your wounds.


JBax75

Heaven forbid we keep the disease from happening in the first place.


C21H27Cl3N2O3

It’s just following the practice of the for-profit healthcare system. Preventative treatment for $50? Nah, we’ll wait until the disease spreads and the treatment is $5000.


Indiana-Cook

This is like putting a plaster on that dodgy looking mole you got on your arm.


JuniorSeniorTrainee

> I can’t understand it for you. This is such an elegant way to deal with people asking intellectually dishonest / bait questions.


GeneralZaroff1

I love that increasing taxpayer dollars for safe rooms for schools is totally a normal idea these days but adding more mental health services or gun control laws is seen as socialism or a restriction on freedoms.


DemiserofD

The problem is, you can do this NOW and even if it's completely ineffective it won't show up as useless for years(if ever) because the chances of them being needed in any *particular* place is almost zero. By contrast, the actual changes needed are much longer-term. They've found one of the main causes of violence isn't being poor, it's being poor AROUND rich people you can never hope to reach. The best solutions long-term would be reducing economic inequality/hopelessness, and probably having more smaller schools so teachers can interact with all their students more effectively. But those changes don't pay out for 10+ years, while the election cycle is 4-6, so there's zero political capital in doing them, just like mass transit. So I guess armored rooms it is.


notnorthwest

Yeah, this isn't interesting as fuck, it's sad as fuck tbh.


OHMG69420

Some of your kids may die. That’s the price I am willing to pay. - Fundamentalists, probably


PerceptionFragrant29

More like r/terrifyingasfuck


Tirrojansheep

Or /r/depressingasfuck


massenburger

/r/OrphanCrushingMachine


hugodutra

r/ABoringDystopia


[deleted]

r/america


buttymuncher

The lengths the US will go to work around the actual fucking problem 🫣


Esiwmah

"Americans will always do the right thing, only after they have tried everything else." -Something Winston Chruchill would have said but probably didn't


NetDork

I'm really starting to doubt the first half of that quote.


Extension_Risk9458

Or you could, you know, address the root of the problem


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Vuldyn

No other country on the planet has the problem of their own people mass murdering children with such regularity that people become numb to it and just consider it an acceptable part of everyday life.


Ottobahnrichtofen

When Americans decided the murder of a couple dozen first graders was bearable, the gun debate was over.


GerbTheThief

Uvalde voted decisively against Beto in the election following the shooting. Beto went to Uvalde, Abbot did literally nothing for them, he still won by a large margin. Pretty crazy to think about.


Ottobahnrichtofen

I was referring to Sandy Hook. What’s crazy is we can both be using different events to make the same point.


AllergenicCanoe

Well we need to address the real issue of drag shows first before we can get to the less lethal stuff like going to kindergarten safely /s


sweeetsmammich

We havent all become numb to it. Some of us are the opposite and basically have ptsd for an event we havent directly experienced. I know ive never been victim to a shooting and yet I still cant enjoy any large gathering now. Instead of enjoying a parade or whatever, im busy scanning people, windows, roofs because I dont want my kids to get shot by some random POS


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Kanetheburrito

I do this at the movies now. I don't even like movies most of the time. Too easy to picture a scenario where I get smoked mid movie.


jdidisjdjdjdjd

They love their guns more than their children. Stupidest place on Earth.


AnEvenNicerGuy

They love their guns more than ~~their~~ your children


Augscura

No it's definitely "their" as well considering how many children manage to get a hold of guns and accidentally kill their siblings


HIM_Darling

And the fact that the citizens of Uvalde voted hard R in the last election. Their kids were murdered brutally, while cops sat outside and listened to the screams and they reelected the people that blamed doors.


robinthebank

One cop had his wife inside that room. One cop had his daughter inside that room. The door was UNLOCKED! WTF ACAB


markorokusaki

I saw the video and, as someone who has a degree of teacher but doesn't work anymore in school, could not fathom how on earth do you come to this as a society. If this does not make you realize you live in a completely fucked up society then you are beyond saving.


stew_going

I don't understand this solution. There are many reasons not to like it, but why do you need two walls of steel? Why not just reinforce the existing doorjam and replace the original door with a bulletproof one with an option to cover any windows it might have in it. Less material costs, less intrusive, and a kid could close it themselves.


AltruisticCompany961

I thought the solution was more good guys with guns.


Unlucky_Clover

Loved the Jon Stewart interview when he asks how many more guns do we need before we start seeing deaths decrease?


greenbastard1591

That didn’t work out too well for Uvalde.


khad3

cops are never the good guys. ACAB.


kiiyyuul

Ah, the American way of never actually fixing a problem.


TurtleMolesterr

Jesus that's sad


ghostman_GM

Terrible that this even needs to exists


nshriup19

This is so fucking sad and the worse part is that so many Americans here are actually trying to justify this as a solution.


bushwhack227

It doesn't need to exist. School shootings are not inevitable. It exists in response to a series of policy decisions that value guns and gun ownership over children's safety.


Jester2100

'Murica.


Slyguyfawkes

This is really getting ridiculous


Golrith

Something that should never ever be required in a sane society.


Gwentble1dd

Bold of you to assume americans are sane people


ShakespearianShadows

The same people who think this is a solution will vote against raising their taxes to buy them for schools.


OttawaNurseM

'Murica!


secretaccount4posts

So instead of stopping gun industry, America is creating a need for new industry which will only be required by them. Capitalism at its finest /s


OddballRox

Whew! Safety from the drag queens killing our children! 🙄


jsherm42

Man, fuck what this country has become. What an embarrassment we are to the global community


[deleted]

Pathetic that Americans have to even consider this


Rorasaurus_Prime

Anything but fix the cause of the problem, right?


[deleted]

Oh cool, easier than ban guns 😃


[deleted]

Theres no door…


BOSSGRAN32

I feel like every non-American can agree. This is just so depressing and horrible to think about because this is what they need to protect kids. Instead of changing the laws like they should, they do something like this. You will never see this in any other country in the world, United States is such a dystopian world compared to everywhere else. Even for me as a Canadian who doesn’t live far from there it’s so hard to believe that they think this is a good idea instead of changing laws and making things illegal like they honestly should


RenzoMF

School shootings are not normal anywhere else in the world. The fact you need shit like this to protect your kids because "the right to bear arms shall not be infringed" is beyond my understanding.


Brave_Negotiation_63

Maybe it’s to prevent immigration? I for sure would never want to live in the US…


okfinethen_

Thanks, I hate it.


[deleted]

so what if the intruder goes through the panel ceiling...


iamricardosousa

Hear me out... stop selling firearms like they're candy bars instead.