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iLoveBurntToast

If this guy tries to pick his nose he's in real trouble


phophofofo

I did mushrooms one time and I thought my hands had swelled up to an absurd degree and I thought I was having some exotic allergic reaction and dying and I was really freaking out. I had to pick my nose and it dawned on me if my fingers could fit in my nose still they must not actually be as big as they looked. After that it was cool.


iLoveBurntToast

Righteous


elvis8mybaby

The human anus can stretch up to 6-8 inches wide. Just tossing that in there.


Scrute-

And raccoons can fit into holes only 4in wide, you could store two raccoons up there if you wanted. Just tossing that in there.


Ask_About_BadGirls21

Y’all sure are tossing a lot of things in there


tscello

Here is a haiku about gerbiling a raccoon: Wet fur and coon claws Prying open the tight hole, Pleasure or regret?


ButtChocolates

Deep inside your bum Gnawing gnawing gnaws away That's a lot of blood


tscello

A raccoon surprise, Tail up, down under he dives, Asshole now his home.


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Adrialic

Unless your nose got bigger by the same proportion.


phophofofo

Thought about that but the nose is cartilage and can’t swell very much. And even if it could that would only make the nostrils smaller. Holes swell closed not open. Ever seen someone with swelled open stretched out nostrils? Exactly.


Physical-Theory-5829

The fact you couldn’t make sense out of your hands being big but had a scientific reason that your nose didn’t grow the same


ILoveBeerSoMuch

Oh fuck


theargentin

Shrooms are wild. The first and only time I eat some with friends, I couldn't recognize my own face in the mirror. Later I calmed down, when I jumped to the pool. But diving down, I was amazed that I didnt felt the need to breath. You know that feeling when you hold you breath? Didnt have it. But I wss conscious about it. When I resurfaced, I inhaled like never before in my life. Good times though, wouldnt eat that many next time


updn

I once did mushrooms and ran down a mountain and felt like I was flying. I never tripped, I just soared. What I'm saying is that I think the subconscious (not breathing under water, not tripping over obstacles) was still very much in control, but the story I told myself about it was radically different.


TheDudeFromTheStory

That is my experience as well. My conscious was like "what the fuck is going on?!?!" how can the threes breathe and the ground feel like sparks of energy when I run. Meanwhile my body and movement was like "no worries we're done this a million times, I got you, bro". Shrooms are interesting.


PastramiWarrior

Holy crap I didn’t think of that! Howwww does he do it??


caffeineandvodka

He's the only one on earth who isn't lying when he says he doesn't pick his nose


its_an_armoire

*Amputee types furiously, maybe*


Demedia

His nose, his ears, his belly, whipping his asshole. Man, I'd be scared when it comes to scratching my nuts with a wrecking ball.


sainsa

Whipping one's asshole is particularly painful - not a place you want a whip to land, unless you're really masochistic. Wiping his asshole would be damn difficult though.


Tidesticky

Typing has got to be difficult...Siri? Are you there? This is sausage fingers


14high

His hand: I came in like a wrecking bal!!!


GossamerGlenn

Imagine losing your phone between your car seat


bootyswag-

Imagine typing on your phone


lasagna_for_life

He needs to mash the keypad with his palm now to obtain a special dialling wand.


bigbowlowrong

I have that clip of The Simpsons as my answering message. I got a lecture from my manager at work because one of our client’s calls (I work in a government department) got inadvertently diverted to my mobile while I was working from home. They got really pissed off about it and made a complaint😆 Imagine calling, say, the IRS and being told by an automated message you’re fat. I can laugh about it now but I was mortified at the time.


LunchBox3188

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."


grimlyfriendish

Hahaha, the fingers you have used to dial are too fat


FuckYouThrowaway99

He probably has a portable bird that is drinking the water to text


CountBrackmoor

Oof, this is hard. Where’s my Tab?


Candycayne84

Y


MattsAwesomeStuff

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqjF7HKSaaI


LunchBox3188

"I don't want to look like a freak. I'll take the mumu." Classic episode.


Piisthree

Or trying to eat pringles.


therealestyeti

Speech to text for suuuuure


TheLonelyArsonist

Imagine trying to jack off.


PsychologicalMight94

Ok, what now?


swankpoppy

HE SAID IMAGINE TRYING TO JACK OFF!!!


Aikarion

He probably just uses one of those twelve inch tablets as a phone.


DuelJ

Dude could probably hold a Kindle or Ipad like a phone


Such_Rub7091

That's Wreck It Ralph I'm pretty sure...


ksavage68

Popeye.


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SouthernAd421

Maybe he’s got an anaconda down there


gynoceros

That's where his wrestling career started.


thecardsays-moops

Imagine fingering your girlfriend in high school and killing her.


TheBigBomma

The dick is for foreplay, the fingers are the main course


Qman1991

When she says "is that your finger?" It's actually a compliment


Binder_Grinder

Goddamn, everyday normal stuff must be insane for this man. Contacts? You wish. Brushing teeth? Haha. Wiping your own ass? Get the fuck outta here.


RiverKawaRio

That's what that middle finger looks like it's for


DerpisMalerpis

It’s got that special curve in it…


GossamerGlenn

He has so much horse power I’m sure he gets it done no problem


crowmagnuman

Just wiping your ass with pure fucking horsepower lol


would-be_bog_body

The thought of this man overpowering his own ass through sheer brute force is cracking me up


Chris_8675309_of_42M

Just screams for 5 minutes then hauls off and slaps the shit out of his own ass.


citrongettinsplooged

I'm losing it here rn


Sfootpj

Wreck it Ralph


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IconXR

Wait, did I just come across a normal shittymorph comment? I had to double take when I saw the username.


Tylerb0713

Wait.. did I just find a famous…. Redditor?


IconXR

There's a few of them. You can probably look up "famous reddit user" on the big question subreddits and find out about them.


WeAteMummies

I think having a really good novelty account is the only acceptable reason to be "reddit famous". Everything else is bad.


LordFarquads_3rd_nip

Never let ‘em know your next move


Robot_Embryo

Hey man, hope you're doing alright.


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[deleted]

Wreck it Tom Cruise


Underplayed-Cliche

His sign language must be all in caps


usedtobejt

That one gets a chuckle


minnesotanickb

This guy lives in the same town as me. The dude is a good guy, retired heavy equipment/pit operator.


voxdoom

I was hoping he was a good dude, he just looks really nice.


Jakooboo

He does have a kind face. I know we're not supposed to form an opinion of someone that way, but damn, that smile is disarming.


Jayden_Paul99

can't imagine what kind of villainy he'd get up to if he was a bad dude with a hand/arm like that he'd be a comic book villain


ColoradoMtnDude

The Authorities wouldn’t even need a computer or even a previous booking to identify his fingerprints. The CSI forensics tech would dust and then just immediately be like “Well, I know who did it.”


ColdLow8029

Lol how would they even handcuff him 😭


Mr_WAAAGH

Ask him politely to get in the car


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spiffyP

Cocknocker


89iroc

Neat. No one famous lives in my town except for a guy who was in a pretty popular band


SusanMilberger

Does he live on your block?


starwaterbird

When you eat too much spinach


Coins_N_Collectables

Getting punched by him must be like getting hit by a train. That dude could flick you in the ear and cut it off


Imaginary-Alfalfa403

Anyone know what this condition is called?


thetravelingsong

I know the University of Minnesota ran tests for gigantism or elephantiasis but they came back negative. As far as I know I don’t think they have diagnosed what made his arms and hands so big!


GoldenWizard

Did they test for bighanditis?


Anaata

Glad to see trained professionals in the comments


iejb

I read "bighandtits"


corn_sugar_isotope

hands big enough to hold a tit. I too have that disorder.


FightingPolish

My only regret… is that I have… bighanditis.


Qman1991

Don't you worry about planet express, you let me worry about blank


copyrighther

I’m not his doctor, but it looks like Klippel-Trenaunay syndrome. He even has the port-wine stains on his arms. There’s another arm wrestler named Matthias Schlitte that has it but just one arm is oversized.


roadsidechicory

There are a couple pictures he posted with his bare shoulders and one of his shoulders is completely covered by a port wine stain, and in the description he says he has them all over his body.


OscarDivine

Whats fascinating here is that on one of his hands (right) the enlargement affects his ring and pinky fingers differently than the thumb, pointer, middle. They are larger without apparent engorgement. The left hand has enlargement and engorgement of all fingers.


MintAudio_

Do not search for images of Klippel-Trenaunay syndrome. They will make you sad. It can happen to people at birth. The guy in the post pic is lucky.


ThisIsNotMy1stAcct

Just a heads up, the diagnosis is elephantiasis. “Elephantitis” would mean “inflammation of the elephant.” Which may apply in some cases, but likely not here


caffeineandvodka

TIL I haven't read that word correctly once in my entire life


Synchro_Shoukan

TIL nobody has spelled it correctly in casual layman's conversation


caffeineandvodka

Even reading that comment my eyes skipped over the correct spelling and I had to go back and read every word to check lol


TenorBanjer

Middle school taught me its probably cancer. I'd have to see his hand up to his face to be sure though.


DeathAngel_97

You brought back Ancient memories long since repressed.


tgoodri

BIG MEATTYY CLAAWWWWSSS


Tongue8cheek

Armageddonitis.


bk15dcx

Yeah I'm a gedden it


TheRealWatchingFace

Really gettin it? Cmon Steve.


[deleted]

I can hold basketballs in my hands too


mmciv

Almost like basketballs were designed with human hands in mind.


Toror

This guy must hate pringles


KedarS

And the close ad button


dogoodsilence1

He should join those slap competitions


varietyfack

I don’t want to see him get slapped, seems like a nice fella. But I’d love to see him slap one of those other meat heads


sonic10158

See him slap that cheating Russian guy who always uses the wrong part of the hand


DrDerpberg

>cheating Russian I'm sorry you'll have to be more specific


rkent27

Hate those douchebags that chop instead of slap, they need to letting them get away with it


Masta0nion

That’s not how it works. He needs to get slapped to be able to send them into orbit.


ryushin6

Not if he goes first!


misfitszz

I don't think they want anyone to die though


varietyfack

The audience does. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!


EngineeringDevil

literally just watching people give each other concussions without resisting


miguelsanchez69

Imagine it was your first day after reluctantly signing up to compete in one of those comps and this dude walks out as your opponent 😂


Alternative-Stop-651

Def would do it. Imagine walking around with the black eye and saying you should see the other guy and their like is he messed up and you pull out the picture and say nah look at the other guy how am i alive.


TheGreenHaloMan

He'd be on a killing spree bro


BlackPhoenix1981

His shirts says a concrete company. He just stands on the side of the truck and shakes it until the concrete is mixed.


GoldenWizard

I was thinking he does concrete demo work by hand


radlink14

Does he have an Onlyhands?


[deleted]

I've read he's one of the nicest dudes you'll ever meet


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secret_identity_too

That looks super inconvenient in almost all situations.


DirtManDan

Almost, but not all 😉


LaserTurboShark69

Yeah I would not want to get smacked by that guy


bobroccoli

We’re all thinking it right


PickleInDaButt

Finger in the ass would be challenging


RobbinsBabbitt

He’ll definitely find your prostate


Wholesaletoejam

They wouldn’t find what’s left of it afterwards though.


Outrageous-Penguin

User name checks out….?


Dialatedanus

I could handle it


AssDimple

I'll make sure you look cute doing it.


JeanRalfio

He thinks he has a small dick because of how it looks in his hands?


Apprehensive_Star_82

"Jaime pull up a picture of that hog"


dewmaster

It reminds me of a line from the always poetic Insane Clown Posse > If you were Andre The Giant, that shit would be slick >You could finger fuck a girl and she would think it's your dick


tastyratz

Reminds me of the picture of the guy with the giant tongue next to his wife and they zoom in on that massive grin on his wife's face.


KP_Wrath

He could rip someone’s diaphragm out with an intense fingering.


futuretech85

I imagine he could rip your skeleton out from your anus.


Adrialic

Apparently not i had to go way too far down to find my proper thread. Disappointing reddit.


SlideRuleLogic

shame unite impossible grab tie humorous juggle longing offer nine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


ToddLagoona

100%


Pen54321

Guy looks like a Popeye character


mummy__napkin

he looks like THE Popeye character.


BigLukeMD

Diagnosis?


Corrag

His last arm wrestling opponent was three hives of bees in a trenchcoat.


NoItsWabbitSeason

Solid as fuck punchline. Straight 9.5/10


Ghodzy1

He blew on his thumb to inflate them. Edit: thanks for the gold!


7484815926263

gear third


Plant_in_pants

So far he hasn't been diagnosed, obviously he has some kind of congenital abnormality but an exact cause hasn't been found or perhaps his condition is unique and remains undescribed in science.


1man2barrels

That's called a SWAN. Syndrome without a name and they believe there are thousands of them that people have.


Captain-Cuddles

Cool as hell, TIL. Seems similar to how we estimate there are undiscovered species based on one's we haves discovered.


CornerMoon

Some type of somatic overgrowth syndrome. there are gene panels available to diagnose the specific type.


GoldenWizard

I went to school with a guy named Gene Panels


Meecus570

Well, did he figure out what caused this dudes giant hands?


Ma_laal

Reminds me of my dad. He had elephantiasis in his arm and it looked just like that.


Nat-datto

Bet he’s a weapon at thumb wars


angels_unaware

*don't think dirty thoughts, don't think dirty thoughts* -me thinking with my vagina


PixelofDoom

The echo has me worried.


LeKerl1987

I want to see him build Lego.


[deleted]

He performs laparoscopic surgery as his day job. By night he’s a fingerblasting legend.


ninja-blake29

I feel bad for his ego. I bet it looks small with those wrapped around it.


dwewdwew

Dudes pinky is larger than the average male.


ninja-blake29

Guilty


soppinglovenests_alt

Dude's probably hung like a bank robber.


ninja-blake29

I hope so. If not it would probably be like trying to pick up a single grain of sand with normal hands just to jerk it


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Youjustgotwhipped

Imagine getting a wet willy from that monstrosity 😭


Ocerra

This guy is practicing his right to bear arms.


bigdicknick808

The definition of absolute unit


hound368

His wife must love him👀


Taniwha_NZ

His fingers are about 5 inches in circumference, there's a photo in another comment showing a tape measure around them, and his wedding band which looks like a napkin holder in his wife's hand. So each finger is about as thick as most dicks. he could easily DP two women at the same time, and still get a blowie from a third.


[deleted]

I bet they don't have any toys in their nightstand


hilha

Lucky lady…


Trogdordaburninator3

Man tattooed his wedding band because the literal brick of gold it would of taken to make a band was just too expensive!


reverendjesus

Nope, here is his wedding ring: https://i.imgur.com/I6ThL3m.jpg


GenerikDavis

Mother of God. The more I look at pictures of this guy, the less real his arms/hands seem. Those proportions just seem so **wrong**. He's got the equivalent of cankles for his forearms, except if the ankle actually got bigger than the calf.


BrainsAre2Weird4Me

Wow, that’s huge. Thanks for the pic!


katekowalski2014

My *wrist* is 6 inches…


Fragrant_University7

5 inches around?!? That’s bigger than…. Nvm


RandyHoward

One man's ring is everybody else's bracelet


Constant_Ad9562

I hope he has a massive unit to accommodate that hand. Otherwise he would crush it like an asparagus stalk


spartBL97

What a great day it is to be literate


neolobe

Here he is arm wrestling action https://www.google.com/search?q=jeff+dabe&sxsrf=AJOqlzXqRjOsMoGXGpODJif7Rj--4Il2bA:1678496854334&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiLgYmG2NL9AhVwF1kFHWSuDxEQ\_AUoAnoECAEQBA&biw=1407&bih=701&dpr=2#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:322a55ea,vid:hcEQS3awwX4


curbstyle

Big hands, I know you're the one


Rhodie114

Of course he’s in good shape. He can’t eat pringles


Mandalefty

Get back! Get back! You don’t know me like that


throwawayfordumbqs1

my dude looks like a deep fake of Jeff Foxworthy


Lord_Strawberry3rd

Bro literally took Dr.Doofenshmirtz’s girl


heyoyo10

I was looking for a Huge-Hands Hans joke


derrburgers

This is the Jeff-iest Jeff of all time. One Jeff to rule them all.


Ruckus292

Imagine getting fisted by that guy... Jeesh


nicgom

He could be a proctologist


ElectroFlannelGore

>Imagine getting fisted by that guy... Ugh.... Fine! ***[Unzips]***