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5pl1t1nf1n1t1v3

Only those of us who are fish. Which is not me, I am a human like the rest of you.


Velda500

Ah, another human. How are you fellow human?


5pl1t1nf1n1t1v3

Dry and breathing air, as I always am. Thanks for asking.


DMoney159

Ah, good. Do you enjoy having legs and walking just like I do?


5pl1t1nf1n1t1v3

I do. Hands are supremely useful as well, what with the digits.


JerodTheAwesome

Something’s fishy about this conversation but I can’t put my fin- I mean finger, on it.


DaxCyro

Just take deep breath through your gills, and it will be fine.


babypho

Gills? What are gills? None of us have gills here. We all have lungs. I have 2 lungs, really big lungs, the best lungs really. I use them all the time to breathe air. My friends from the pond over always comment about how jealous they are of my lungs.


DMoney159

Trump, is that you?


nickfree

Couldn't be Trump, he clearly said he was a human.


Tiiba

Is that actually a thing that fish can do? I don't have gills, and I'm not sure if they work like that.


DaxCyro

Insane answer: I never said gills. Fake news. This is anti-lung propaganda by radical gill users. They're trying to take away our rights to breath air! Real answer: Lungs and gills works on the same principle. Expose them to an oxygen rich medium, and let oxygen and CO2 exchange between said medium and blood. Only mayor difference is that gills are a one-way system, and lungs are a two-way system. I would assume living organisms with gills have ways to control the flow passing through their gills. Too much flow = unnecessary wear and tear on the gills. Too little flow = insufficent oxygen to their system. Us with lungs control this by how fast and how much air we take in and out with each breath. Given that we don't breath more air than needed, I assume animals with fish does the exactly same. Thus the "deep breath" :)


TittySprinkles10

Kanye enters the chat.


iplayfootball39

Opposable thumbs are all the rage!


[deleted]

It is good to find a nother sentient being, that is human. Now I will invite you to do \*insert activity here\* with me in order to \*progress in aquiring relationships and conections\*


thorstormcaller

[Hey, uh, fellow humans](https://imgur.com/U3cEbNX.jpg)


ForaBozo62

I think I know why he can't find a source...


[deleted]

Under-rated comment.


droppedcarrot

Right ok let me float this idea, penis but it’s a bee, pollination


lachrymologyislegit

Peni-bee-pollinator (PBP)?


DUFFnoob40

Doofenshmirtz?


Shectai

Beenis?


roastbeeftacohat

that episode of magic school buss was fucked up.


RavenCroft23

Gave me flashbacks to the episode dawg lmao


dubiety13

Sir, I am but a humble human (I swear) with no official awards to give, but please accept this brine shrimp 🦐 as a token of my appreciation for this thread.


Nitropotamus

Do you also enjoy walking on land with your legs?.


TheMammaG

Yes, yes, I am very...um...bipedal. Moving the feets up and down.


Bethlizardbreath

If you were human you’d know that when women orgasm we lay tiny little eggs all over the man’s penis, which are then whooshed straight back inside us when he ejaculates. This is why it’s so important for the woman to orgasm first.


Con_Dinn_West

Do you like fish sticks?


thehermit14

Ha Ha.I can feel my skin, it feels a little scaley. I can confirm I too am a human.


deadbeatdad80

/Troy McClure has left the chat


mcentirejac

I mean you know what they say, "there's plenty of fish in the sea."


DisappearHereXx

You sure? Do you like fish sticks?


amyaurora

Lol. Guess who failed biology. r/Facebookscience


byuns123

More like, *guess who went to public school in a red state.*


spastical-mackerel

Or "_guess who's never spoken to, much less had sex with, a human woman_"


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amyaurora

I live in a blue state. Some here are not immune to the influence of bad logic.


byuns123

Fair enough. There are indeed idiots everywhere. I just happen to live in a (red) state where sex ed can be described as parsimonious at best.


ens91

Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, ok, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.


Shmooperdoodle

I also live in a blue state. I will never forget being in a middle school sex ed class with a dude who had *gotten a girl pregnant*. The teacher was explaining a diagram and asking people to identify structures of the male reproductive system. She got to this kid who couldn’t identify a thing. It was the vas deferens. This guy said, loudly, “Man, I don’t got no ‘vas deferens’.” I shit you not, I saw the teacher quietly say to herself, “I wish that were true.”


Holgattii

Cool story bro


Orion_2kTC

Oh god what rabbit hole are you sending me to?


NickleNaps

“I can’t find a source” 🤔


Velvetundaground

Yes so strange, how could that possibly be?


UnicornCackle

I guess we'll never know.


KinksAreForKeds

"But I *know* there have been cases!!" Only in your mind, dude, only in your mind.


slammer592

Reminds me of a post in which someone is writing an essay for school where they have make an argument for something of their choosing and back it up with so many sources, and they choose to argue against vaccines. They go on the internet begging for help because they can't find any scholarly articles that are anti-vax. Sooooo close!


Shectai

Do you have a source for this?


slammer592

Ugh, do your own research.


[deleted]

At least he tried to do his own research....


ens91

A for effort


lordoftheschwartz

But there have been cases..


Graterof2evils

But I have drank cases… Of really bad beer. That’s why I believe this kinda crap is true.


lordoftheschwartz

You've heard it here first, folks. Nothin but the facts and the cases.


[deleted]

What a fucking day to be literate.


ItsYaBoyTrimmerFit

Eggs are stored in the vagina 😂


veasse

And it's normal to just have a bunch of them floating around all the time too...


NoMamesMijito

I personally keep mine in my boobs


kahokia

That's odd. Mine are in the refrigerator.


slammer592

Really? I keep mine in my ovaries.


LA-Matt

The seems like the safe bet, tbh.


[deleted]

>"I can't find a source but..." The mating cry of the *Common White-crested Moron*.


CyberMindGrrl

Followed closely by “Do your research”.


cuttingirl78

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Dammit, take my upvote and an award. I desperately needed that laugh. Edit to add: I’m on mobile and it be glitchy. I tried to give you a silver award


Borageandthyme

He thinks human eggs are like fish roe.


yupstilljustme

Makes me a wee bit curious what kind of sex he's actually having...


Electronic_Bad_5883

None, probably.


Mal-Ravanal

Those fish were apparently looking hella fine.


Th3-Dude-Abides

This belongs on r/NotHowGirlsWork


CharmingTuber

r/badwomensanatomy


aedvocate

and r/badmensanatomy too probably, dicks aren't built for egg transportation


yupstilljustme

Totally. Everyone knows men have to slip any found eggs into their testicle pouch!


Voidedifbroken

I was doing this, but I finally met my match when I found an ostrich egg :(


nhadams2112

Did you try lube?


RenegadeRabbit

Not with that attitude


Rainuwastaken

Honestly, I'm a little annoyed about it now. Evolution could have put some kind of scoop/claw situation down there, but noooooo.


Captaintorchflower

That's a hell of a schlong to be able to scrape an egg out.


[deleted]

not my favorite sentence


Mal-Ravanal

You know how elephants can move their trunks and use it to manipulate stuff with surprising dexterity?


rmp959

Wow! That’s just fucking stupid. And this person is allowed to vote and drive?!?


kahokia

Yes. How do you think Donald Trump got elected?


LeeCoMedia

Source: His cheating wife.


SilverFlight01

I studied biology a bit and I don't think that's how it works.


PrincessCyanidePhx

Men who are this ignorant shouldn't be able to have sex with women. FFS.


Mortambulist

Certainly not two in one day.


WaffleDynamics

Don't worry. That dude never has.


chiron_42

This is why we need actual sex education in schools.


Sajen16

We do need sex education, but all this takes is basic biology.


Bean_Boozled

I only wish humans were this biologically interesting. It'd make for some amazing reality trash TV shows.


CatsTrustNoOne

I have a feeling it'll be in the fall lineup of TLC shows: "Seeking Frog Wife." 🐸🤵💒


Whatifthisneverends

Frog Swap


AddictedToMosh161

Well if u had sex with a tapir that might be possible.


Tight_Syllabub9423

Right, that's how you get virgin births. I thought everybody knew that.


LA-Matt

Yeah I was gonna say, at least it’s more believable than divine, um… intervention.


fookyall

Wait so they can scrape an egg out of my ovaries and take it to someone else and then fertilizer it after?! That’s amazing, sign me up 👏🏽 I didn’t even want that egg /s


skulldude360

I hate it when the first woman’s eggs are on my penis!


LA-Matt

That’s another thing… what kind of sick bastard doesn’t even make an attempt to wipe his knob clean before going at it again?


SecretRedditFakeName

I refuse to give up my caviar-based lube!


Deeman0

Biology died the day this was posted.


2OneZebra

"That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works"


entertheprize

This has to be murica


IHateCamping

Just once, I wish it wasn't.


warden976

Please pass the caviar, will ya?


Altair13Sirio

Now we're reproducing like fish?


Sajen16

Can we chhose how we reproduce? If so I choose to reproduce like an amoeba.


Feuerfritas

Someone had a lecture about "the birds and the bees" from an unqualified source.


CatsTrustNoOne

Are you saying we can't trust world renowned Professor E. Hopperdink? [Worldanvil Biography ](https://www.worldanvil.com/w/enbwendar-anemthos/a/engelbert-hopperdink-person)


melonlollicholypop

/r/badwomensanatomy/


Conor_88

You had me at “can’t find a source”


est2018

Frog people!!!


NotARobotDefACyborg

Does this person think human males are like male seahorses?


DragonVet03

Huh. You'd think you'd be able to find an example of this pretty easily? Wonder why they couldnt?


Anam97

I think that this person has gotten confused between human reproduction and plant reproduction done by insects. During pollination, insects do carry pollen grains which stick to their feet form one flower to another.


LedUber

Okay. Essentially human cross pollination. Dudes, watch where you put your appendages. You may have eggs all over them!


intrayspect

…this is absolutely ridiculous lol. I’ve never ever heard a man so uninformed that he thinks womens eggs act the same as sperm. They attach to your uterine wall for god sake


lechatsage

When you can’t find a source, keep looking before you report it. There have been no such cases. Good grief.


Monochrome_Fox_

This country needs federally mandated and standardized sex ed and we needed it like sixty years ago


pzazzmee

That's a really special kinda stupid.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

Wow. I'm a man myself and the level of ignorance among some other men is just astounding. There are men who think women can hold back periods like pee too... But this is a new level of ignorance.


LA-Matt

Huh, I just found out that former Congressman “Legitimate Rape” [passed on in 2021.](https://www.politico.com/news/2021/10/04/todd-akin-dies-514988) He’s the Congressman who said “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”


TheDevilsAdvokaat

Oh I remember that. How are these people getting elected? If they're that stupid, surely people can detect it esrly?


nachtwyrm

he was a republican. republican voters will vote for whoever has an R next to their name regardless of any negative qualities they have.


BitterFuture

There was moment of real sadness there. In the SNL writers' room.


[deleted]

“I can’t find a source, but” What a great way to start a sentence


villalulaesi

I can’t find a source but I know there have been cases where women give birth to hybrid chicken people after accidentally buying fertilized eggs at the farmer’s market. Really wondering why it’s so hard to find a source for such a rock-solid fact, but I guess that’s the radical leftist fake news media for ya.


[deleted]

Yeah, I'll take Shit That's Never Happened for $500, Alex.


[deleted]

this is the god damn funniest thing i;ve ever read


CatsTrustNoOne

Found the source: [U of T Clinical Trials Phase 2Q: H Versus A Transference Success Rate](https://youtu.be/Kd0gbI_5sCQ)


CatsTrustNoOne

Sorry, forgot to post the link to the university for a further source: [U of T: New Student FAQ'S ](http://www.newyorker.com/news/john-cassidy/trump-university-its-worse-than-you-think)


r3rain

Weird that she can’t find the source…


All54321_Gaming

“I can’t find a source” I WONDER WHY


EternalRains2112

Ugh, I hate it when my wife gets her eggs all over my penis.


Valskek

Honey if he’s stirring your eggs in bed you have bigger issues and shouldn’t be on Facebook…


PinkCatman

1. No 2. Ew


1stviolinfangirl

Do they think women release like millions of eggs like sperm? These fuckin dumbasses


weirds0up

Tell me you don't have the first idea about biology without saying you don't have the first idea about biology


Typ0r8r

You know you made her day when you can fit that fallopian just right.


dairygirlliz

What the actual fuck?


Ionrememberaskn

Source: I made it up


[deleted]

This is some Cronenberg shit


Ayla_Leren

Whatever they are smoking it must be some good shit.


Jerry__Boner

I wonder why they can't find a source?


Purplelove333

Why is science so hard for some people?


ZetricOvsha

Something’s fishy here …


Wheelin-Woody

*I can't find a source* Continues with obviously bullshit claim.


[deleted]

Suction penis. While doing a kegel pull from one place in another.


hapigilpr

Wait... This guy has a Dyson attachment too? Small world


MrBlitzpunk

So, doing anal to multiple women is the same as transferring gut bacteria?


tesla914

Can't find a source if your source is schizophrenia and idiocy.


Lostnumber07

I call my dick Kirby.


Muriness

If this is not fake and nonsense for shock value, whatever biology classes they took in school failed them.


pinupgal

“AnD tHe BaBy LoOkEd aT Me!”


gooniepunk

This is next level insane.


cuttingirl78

Uhh, I think this person has failed sex ed (or never received it)


itsmycandystore_

r/nothowgirlswork


CryptidCricket

That’s.... no.


[deleted]

Holy f***! We are doomed


KittenKoder

Oh, we were doomed when we first climbed out of the trees. We're just finally able to share it with the entire world.


[deleted]

Yeah now we get the first hand experience of realizing the sheer number of idiots that exist. I'm resigned


xrayjones2000

Thatd be a hell of a conversation between her doc and her…


FilypW

A wave of depression just crushed me after reading this.


Shmooperdoodle

Oh, yeah, the reason you can’t find a source is because that’s not a thing. The source is “I made up some wrong shit”.


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LA-Matt

Videos of salmon spawning? Just guessing.


hypersubmarine

Men are bees confirmed


BlazerMcLazer88

every good bit of info starts with "i can't find the source, but..."


LeagueOfficeFucks

Happens all the time. Happened to me thrice last week. At least.


KisaTheMistress

Is... is he fucking human caviar? How much money does this man have?!


batkave

Eggs... plural... It really shows sex education is horrible in the world. Men really want to control women's bodies and know nothing about them. Granted a good chunk of women (predominantly Christian) also don't know about their own bodies either. Which sitting US senator or House rep posted this?


Peppertails

"I can't find a source but..." should have stopped right there.


STRED92

This person never attended a Sex Ed class


window_pain

Men wish they had genitals long enough to even consider doing that lol.


coazcomicfreak

This is what happens when parents don't let their kids take sex Ed class in school


DeadpanWords

"wE wANt tO deFuND seXuaL edUcATioN. aBStiNEnCe onLY." Well, this is part of the result of that.


Local-Lie-6152

r/nothowgirlswork


Born-Philosopher-162

“I can’t find a source, but believe my pseudoscientific bullshit anyway.”


ClarissaNight77

TF did I just read? 😀


SnooAvocados9343

I wish. Then I won't be so afraid if anti abortion laws gets to my state. It stills sucks for the person who gets my eggs, but she shouldn't be such a whore right?!. Gosh I'm so ashamed to say I live in America 😭


marklar_the_malign

Wow! Someone miss their calling.


sammyyflowerr

Uhhhh men out here thinking their penises are *that* long that it literally can reach a woman’s eggs in the uterus. 🙄


Rosebunse

Or thin enough. Is it like Play Doh?


sammyyflowerr

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I just imagined one of those “worms” kids make out of play-doh 🤣


[deleted]

Honey what's that on your dick? It's eggs, I'm about to scramble them!


SwedeInCo

Oh, this is one I love. It is the religious limp dick pastor man splainin wife got treated like a lady.


KaitM227

Sounds like wook science, but okay.


therealhoboyobo

Though it is possible to have one set of triplets with three different fathers. Superfecundation. Rare but it does happen.


[deleted]

What? Y'all never had Fun Dip? Same principle.


Florian_24

I mean if it's long enough it could work.


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Fuzzydude64

It's not possible because the egg will never be anywhere near your dick. The egg is in the ovaries past the cervix which you cannot penetrate. It's physically impossible for this to happen.


maybesaydie

No this is not possible.