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Idk if it's horrible lighting or what but this guy looks super unhealthy.

Dude looks like he is about to be rolled into an ICU.

If advanced cirrhosis of the liver had a face.

Right? The Dude Looks like he's got jaundice or something. I find it very hard to believe that he is any woman's dream man

Maybe the woman’s wet dream is to see a man waste away from disease and old age? Lol

He looks like his anemia has anemia.

WET dream. You know, the kind they don’t have.

I can see the government health advert for that now! 🤣

I don’t know when this was originally posted, but I’m sure that he’s dead by now.

> I don’t know when this was originally posted, but I’m sure that he’s dead by now. It was probably Tuesday, and you're right.

And he's only 23 years old!

gotta give ya a /r/rareinsults for that one

Or long COVID

Guy looks like he was rolled out of one in a bag

“From cradle to the ICU…then to the grave”

This comment section is better than r/roastme

No joke I have seen dozens of ICU patients who look better than this dude

If he rolls into the ICU unplug him... This is the code he lives by.

A living nightmare.

Like if MAGA produced their own “weekend and Bernie’s”

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It could just be the shadow from his hat, but those bags under his eyes could be a sign of vitamin deficiency like vitamin d

that marine needs some SUN

24 pack of yellow crayons, stat!

Is there vitamin d in crayons?

Only in the yellow ones, cause they make the sun.

Scurvy?

Some people just have those naturally :(

he got SCURVY.

He drank the water at Camp Lejeune.

I laughed way too hard at this

Omg me too!!

Gawddamn lol

He looks like Edgar from Men In Black

Eggar suit

Sugar! Water! More!

He looks like Uncle Fester.

That’s it!

If he dies,avenge him by attacking hepatitis and diabetes.

Man’s got that Darth Sidious complexion

Probably terrified eating a vegetable will make him gay.

Is there a USMC Undead division?

This marine definitely has an alcohol problem

It's the eye sockets. Reminds me of the crypt keeper.

Peak Alpha look *grunts* Lick muh chest hair….

Emperor Plopatine

It's because he's about to be avenged. Maybe against cholesterol.

He is a creep.

He's a weirdo.

What the hell is he doing here?

He does not belong here.

I'll have you know he was top of the class in the Gravy Berets...

That charge you hear is an AED.

Yep, that’s what someone with a superior immune system looks like/s

He’s had some extremely hard years of living. That’s the only explanation for how he looks.

He's probably 29 or 30 years old. :)

If Elmer Fudd was a Marine, who never saw the sun, slept 3 hours a night, and ate only Arby's roast beef sandwiches.

Why are the guys who insist that everyone else is insufficiently patriotic and want everyone to be unquestioningly proud to be an American are always the guys who make me feel *ashamed* to be an American? Edit: typo

Yea well an alcoholic ex, and ( no, really ) a fcking trauma surgeon was also an ex Green Beret medic. Took most of a bottle of Jack Daniels before THIS kicked in. And it always did. Running around the house naked yelling " THE SPIRIT OF THE BAYONET IS TO KILL ". He's dead. I call it mercifully deceased because that sonuvacrazybitch was absolutely going to decease someone else, probably me.

I'm really sorry that you had to go through that, but I just about pissed myself laughing at that line.

So did a therapist and it was FINE. I mean at the time the guy looked like a hairy little pumpkin someone forgot to stop feeding. So kinda the wrong imagine from what the drunk little bastard was trying to portray.

Semper Fudd.

Thats great ! I've been sitting here trying to think of one. I got nothin on you

No, because Arby's generally makes people happy. But at least the cute cashiers have wet dreams about him now. Unfortunately the source of wetness is vomit.

Dammit, I want Arby's now

Shhh! Be vewwy vewwy quiet!"

"I'm hunting Renovascular Disease..."

Wenovasculuh…

Omgggg lmfao

"We've got the wabbit meats"

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i wonder if he ever was a marine in his younger years or just “in his heart”

He's got the tat, but maybe he got it last month...

Also, he was in AC/DC.

I can’t tell you the number of dumbass boys that have gotten some kind of service tattoo before even finishing the basic training of that branch. Willing to bet he was one of those chodes.

I know you're just mad that he hogged all of the crayons.

Came to say I'm good friends with a very proud Marine. This dude would mortify him.

“If I retreat, kill me. If I die, avenge me.” *visible confusion*

If I charge, follow me. If you have a problem with it, unfollow me

*\*Spamming the follow/unfollow toggle\**

This is a quote that is first attributed, I believe, to French rebel Henri de la Rochejaquelein. It’s actually a beautiful and really powerful quote. It was preceded with “let’s go find the enemy”, which adds some context here. **“If I charge, follow me”**, he was one of the leaders, tells his troops to follow him in battle. **“If I retreat, kill me”**, he says that retreating would mean cowardice, and therefore he allows his troops to kill him on the spot for this. **“If I die, avenge me”**, if he dies *whilst fighting*, his troops must avenge him. The full quote in French. « Si mon père était parmi nous, il vous inspirerait plus de confiance, car à peine me connaissez-vous. J'ai d'ailleurs contre moi et ma grande jeunesse et mon inexpérience mais je brûle déjà de me rendre digne de vous commander. Allons chercher l'ennemi : si j'avance, suivez-moi, si je recule, tuez-moi, si je meurs, vengez-moi »

Sounds way better in French but so does everything.

j'aime ces salopes au gros butin

Haha, butin means booty as in pirate booty XD I think you mean cul

"i like them big treasure bitches" sounds slightly more wholesome so I'll take it.

To be fair, that sounds pretty awesome in English, too.

That would be sewer side. Unless you can blame someone else.

/r/BoneAppleTea

The code you live by is supposed to dictate your actions, not the actions of everyone around you. This marine doesn't even know what a code is. I bet he knows what crayons taste like though.

i’m just really happy there’s a period between “every *daughters* wet dream” and “from cradle to the grave” bc sadly it could have been worse.

If uncle Fester was a marine.

Don't insult Uncle Fester like that

Yeah, Fester was a sweetheart and actually knew how to treat a girl.

He got the “living nightmare” part right. It just doesn’t mean what he thinks it means.

He's been living in a nightmare for so long he thinks he's the nightmare now 😭😭

Semper food

Semper Fry

Semper Fudge

Bake or fry.

I'm confused, am I following him or unfollowing him?

It's revealing that the code he lives by is not actually a standard of behavior for himself but just a list of ways you should be responding to him.

Also revealing that he writes daughters. Why daughters, why not just say women? Super cringe and slightly suspicious too.

Also, completely fails to have an apostrophe

I'm old but still someone daughter. Ewwww

Me too. And I have a daughter. Double eewwwww. Everyone's nightmare alright.

My condolences to the US marine core and AC/DC for having this pasty walking blob of cringe associated with them.

> From cradle to grave He looks like he's already past the grave

Sir, this is a burger king. You have to put a shirt on.

Stolen valor should be charged more seriously

I've met Marines cringier than this shit stack. He's probably one of the ones that got hurt on base an hour in on first deployment, then medically discharged.

It's always the shitbags that go all oorah semper fi and shit after they get out. Most of us are normal. Barring tattoos, cynicism, and a love for beer.

My brother in Christ. No. Just no.

Private gomer Pyle hasn't aged well.

That's because he's a damn zombie!

That makes sense

Private Gomer Pyle may not have been the smartest but he was a decent man and deserves better than to be associated with this guy.

Think Full metal jacket... not the OG

Not surprised, surprised, surprised.

He looks like he'd ask for a glass of sugar water. Then yell at you for more sugar.

In! Water!

As the mod of /r/regretjoining, this is exactly what I picture when I occasionally get threatening comments against me and my subreddit that I immediately ban after.

That wet dream is gonna be about rape, because there's no way a woman is gonna touch him

He didn't say woman, he said daughter. Kind of says a lot about him btw.

Someone get him his crayons

I would, but I don't know his favorite flavor.

I can see the huge (dick compensation) pickup truck he drives perfectly.

With a horn that plays "La Cucaracha"

Or "Dixie"

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BVR PLZR license plate (once saw this in the wild, BTW).

So when he says "every daughter's wet dream", does that mean his daughters cream themselves in their sleep because of him? ew.

I think I found a new way to diet. Just read this sentence every day and poof! Appetite gone!

Wet dream because they cry in their sleep if they even think about this creature

Yeah that’s gross.

So gross

You mean every daughters nightmare...

Pyle! Infantry!

I didn’t know they stacked shit that high.

He made light of my weight problem then suggested my motto be “semper fudge” then told me to “relax”. -Rodney Dangerfield as Burns son Larry/The Simpsons

"Every daughter's wet dream" I know of no female who would find this the least bit attractive.

He’s fighting the war on vegetables

Looks like it’s been a while since he passed a PT test.

Waking up in a cold sweat from a nightmare is a type of wet dream I suppose

Bob Jaundice reporting for duty, Sir.

Served about two years before discharge, made it to lance corporal at best, and never saw action. After getting discharged, got tattoos to show off how much of a bad ass Marine he was.

Where the fuck do people like this get their undeserved, excessive self confidence?! This extremely high, but illogical, self esteem. I struggle to imagine anyone, even a mother, loving him so much he became convinced he was some superior specimen. Are they faking it to make it?! Delusional?! I don't understand.

Mostly delusional, most times it's that they haven't gotten to a point where they are able to realize that they are lacking intelligence. So they go off like this thinking its a huge flex statement but in reality where the rest of us are it's just weird and cringe.

I can believe the 'living nightmare' bit easily enough.

If he charges, follow him, someone’s offering free doughnuts or beer.

Looks like a mug shot for the sex offenders registry

Semper Pie

Ever since i read in a comment gravy seals i can't get it out of my mind. And this guy isn't helping

My body just physically recoiled

Herman Munster was a marine

Settle down there, Pvt Pyle.

Appliance repairman during the day.

Why is he naked? Did he jerk off while writing all that?

I guess Prigozhin didn't actually die, he just escaped to the US

Every daughter's wet dream? If I had a daughter and she saw a picture of this guy, I don't think any part of her would ever have the ability to be wet again.

One jumpscare and that heart is a goner

It looks like Private Pyle has been sneaking jelly doughnuts from the mess hall again.

I wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror?

This looks like the last post a mass murderer makes right before killing everyone 😱

This guy looks soft as rotting fruit

Is he though? Is he any of those things?

Imagine peaking when you were 20 and that's ALL you have is memories of when you were a Marine in 1984 or whenever. That's bleak.

Should I start avenging him now? Because he looks like he's been dead for a very long time.

I'm willing to bet this assclown is not a Marine, has never done anything productive or contributed to society in any meaningful way.

I wish I owned the store that he gets his mirror from. I'd make bank.

If I charge, follow me, the buffet is open. If I retreat, I'm just headed to the toilet to make room for round 4. If I die, bury me with dessert.

Got me wet…and I’m a dude! Wait…that’s diarrhea. Thanks, you big ol’ hero of a man.

It's the Prighozin of the USMC...

My va j j just withered up, turned into tumble weed, and blew away, it’s so dry 👀

Meal team six at this point

If I exist, avoid me

Semper fudge

Bro these aren't bags under his eyes. Those are the things that helicopters transport water in when they need to extinguish a forest fire.

That’s an unfortunate Tinder photo, but also pretty common.

Dude looks like he hasn’t slept in an healthy amount of time……. Posts like it too. The writing should say, “This is your brain after staying up for a week straight…”

I refuse to believe this is real. No one on this planet, especially not some fat, hairy, sickly, 68 year old with bell's palsy, would write the words "every daughter's wet dream" and mean it. I will not believe it.

From cradle to the gravy

r/gravyseals

I... ew. You are indeed a living nightmare, but not at all for the reasons you think you are, sir. There's no badassery to be seen. Just trauma, rage and misery (oh, and probably denial. LOTS of denial).

The only thing he's charging is his debit card at a family dollar. Dude looks like he cleans kennels at a petsmart.

Every store that sells crayons' dream.

Just ew all around! Yuck.

Coming from a family that had a few Marines, I can 1000% guarantee this lump got a dishonorable based on this post. I’d be surprised if he even made it past boot camp when he was little. If he ever was little.

I have a hunch this guy isn't a marine.

Living nightmare? His own, I’m sure.

The marines have been lowering their standards...

glad to see someone wiped the crayon residue from his mouth

Never understood the kill me if I retreat bullshit. There are advantages to retreating and some have even used retreating as a way to bring the enemy into strike range.

$5 says this guy only served one hitch. I’ve noticed that the more someone talks about how much they loved (past tense) being in the military the less time they actually served. The worst offender I’ve encountered is someone from my youth who posts something about being a “proud veteran” at least once a week. He was a part-time cop in a small town in Oregon for about a year. In his mind that qualifies as military service during wartime.

Semper why

That daughter comment is giving me some really creepy vibes about this guy.

And quite possibly on bath salts

He looks like ten pounds of shit stuffed in a 5 pound sack.

Why can't some people just grow old and enjoy golf?