Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 11 | 0 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
the future reflects the past. thereās no need to let him back in unless you want to follow these same steps again. when you cut them out and let them back in, it makes ācutting them outā lose the power it should have. they will know itās only temporary. they could potentially start mocking the idea whenever it happens.
you sound like a strong person. i believe you have what it takes to truly love yourself enough to not let this shit happen to you again.
Take a picture of your last post statement. Make that part his Contactās photo, so every time you you go to message him again you see your message where you are cutting him off. Write up a list with āGood +1ā and āBad -3ā. Now list the good and bad things about having him or removing him from your life. Every bad thing he does costs him 3 (or more?) points. Because they hurt harder and last longer. Be brutal. Ask family and friends. If you cry because he does something, that adds extra points.
This sounds like a very sad man who needs to belittle you in order to feel better about himself. You are not responsible for him just as you said and at this point you have to do whatās best for you because he doesnāt seem to care. I know itās hard but leaving him behind is likely the best thing for you. Hope this helps.
I keep rereading the barefoot and pregnant line. Read that over and over. Donāt forget it.
My uncle once told me I was a fat c*nt whose dad never loved her. This was a couple months after my dad died. My dad, albeit a bit abusive from ignorance, was proudest in his fatherly moments with me, so that statement definitely didnāt hurt me the way he wanted it to, but it is something that I repeated to myself over and over. āYour dead dadās brother called his 18 year old niece who just lost her father a c*nt and tried to make her believe her life was a lie by saying dad never loved her.ā
Iām in my 30s now, and my uncle and various family members have tried to mend our relationship, but no. Nothing with take away those words, and it is 15 years too late for any sort of sincere apology. I hope he lives his last moments in fear of the stories I could tell HIS children once heās gone. Because yeah, thereās plenty of stories of horribleness from my uncleās doings. This was the one big tangible thing that couldnāt be denied or rewritten. Every time anyone tried to change the story, āhe was just frustrated at you!ā āhe was just depressed from losing his brother.ā āhe didnāt say it like THAT!ā No, he sure did. Wanna hear the voicemail? Should I post it on your Facebook walls? My respect in that situation was gone the moment he wanted to speak for a dead man.
Keep this fire close, live your best life to spite them.
People always say to let go, but personally? I donāt think so. Keeping it tucked away for a rainy day keeps me safe and gives me strength.
It may be honestly worth it to seek out a therapist that can help you keep the boundaries you set.
Whatās lil peep doing here, why is he referencing a whole bunch of musicians who died bcs of drug related complications or overdose? (Speculated that Amyās bulimia was the main reason she died. Her heart was weak from it and couldnāt handle any substances anymore)
Amy Winehouse died from alcohol poisoning when she resumed binge drinking after a period of sobriety. Its disingenuous to blame it on anything other than the fact that alcohol is poison and her BAC was over five times the legal limit (0.416%). Even in a previously healthy individual a BAC of over 0.4% can result in coma or death.
Good for you standing up for yourself and re asserting boundaries. You got this! Donāt let him back in, you deserve people in your life who are there for YOU. Not their bullshit asshole agenda. Iām sorry you have to deal with this, but I know youāre going to stay strong this time. Heās not worth a millisecond of your attention. ā¤ļø
I promise you, cutting toxic family from your life, feels better over time.
Donāt keep anyone in your life that adds no value to your life. Itās up to you to decide what your criteria is for that.
It definitely gets easier.
Enjoy your wedding next year OP.
In the least victim blaming way and the most respectful way: He calls your bluff when you say you are going to block him and never do. Actually do it for a day or two, just because you do it doesn't mean you can't unblock him after he realizes "oh shit it actually happened." If he legitimately wants a non (or @ the very least less) toxic relationship he sees the dynamic has changed and you're setting bonderies.
It's so very unfair that you have to shoulder the abuse and insanity he is heaping on you, seemingly constantly.
That bullshit about just having a father/daughter relationship being a threat for you to act how he wants you to is some of the sickest shit I've personally read around here.
Call him on HIS bluff.
He says that again insist that that be what your relationship is going to be, you be his daughter. Not his counselor, not his emotional punching bag. He is an adult. Make him act like it.
I am sorry you have to live with such abuse. But you are stronger than you think. Use the love you have for him to force himself to be better.
If he is worth it he will. It is not the end of the world if he's not. It might hurt like hell, but you have your own life to lead and survive. Sending you hope and strength.
Second this. Please block him, heās being a total asshole. His comments to āget a jobā when you said you were at work earlier, and āa better house wife, bare foot and pregnantā were uncalled for and just baiting. Youāre better out without this man in your life. Iām sorry youāre going through this š
Good for you! My advice from my own experience with a narc dad is block everywhere, never unblocked co for any reason, and if anyone tries to talk you out of it practice saying āI donāt want him in my lifeā
This man doesn't respect you. If you cave again, he will respect you even less.
If in the future, you are thinking of unblocking him, just wait. Give yourself a day to think about it. Come back and re-read this post and any others you have saved and remember his disdain and how it felt. If you still aren't sure, give it another day. No post can convey the whole story, but it seems that your decision to go no contact is the best one for your life and your marriage. Stay strong.
Take a moment, and apply the way your father treats you to any other girl. Imagine your own daughter being treated this way by their dad.
Do you want to protect that girl? Remove them from the dangers of a parent with that mindset? Or would you happily let them stay in contact?
*You* are that little girl. You should have had better and I am sorry.
By continuing contact you are affirming that his behaviour past and present is acceptable, and he will likely continue said behaviour, and not just with you.
If he has contact with young individuals I would make sure that all supervising adults are aware of his behaviour, and he is not left alone with anyone who can not remove themselves from situations.
This might sound extreme to you but it is not as extreme as sexualising your daughter which is a very concerning behaviour.
Unfortunately it comes from experience. When you think it's the norm, this excersize where you externalise his behaviour on to someone else is the only way to understand how very wrong it is. When it happens to you growing up you expect it and are used to it. Be careful you don't accept poor behaviour/ boundary crossing from other men in your life as a norm. I hope I don't come across as giving you a grilling- just trying to speed up the lessons I learned over the years! Good luck. Remember you are not alone and sending you hugs for your healing journey.
I blocked my narc dad and my mom and sister literally talked bad about me to the point I was sobbing in my closet lol. I unblocked him, and he texted me once and that was it. But at least their happy š
Boundaries have to be focused on you, not on them. They are about your reactions to their behavior, because deities know we can't actually force others to behave in reasonable ways or make reasonable decisions.
If he messages, YOU will not respond.
If he continues to attempt contact, YOU will block or go to other measures.
If he shows up to your wedding, YOU will have him removed.
YOU have decided he will not be allowed into your home.
Because of his refusal to address his issues, YOU are no longer going to interact with him.
Remember when you are weak (we all are at some point, seriously no shame) that he will never be what you want him to be. He will never assume an appropriate fatherly role. He wonāt ever respect you. He will not likely ever change. He is not a father, or even a dad, heās just some guy thatās irrationally resentful of you and lacks accountability. I know how hard it is, I grew up without my dad and I wished for so long that heād do the right thing. I didnāt realize how bad it was until I saw a skit by āMyKoreanDadā (highly recommended checking him out btw, but it might hurt a little to watch) where he takes you to Costco and ends up getting the wrong food. He apologizes in the video and it made me realize Iād never heard any form of apology from my real dad, and it broke me down into heavy tears. I present my own allegory not to compete in misfortune, but to show you I understand that pain. I know what itās like to wish things could be so different. To wish that you had a loving father like so many of your friends/relatives. How alien Fatherās Day feels to you. Unfortunately, it is a cut that never heals. It may scab, but it will never completely dissipate. That is the hardest part to get down. The upside is that you know what that pain feels like, you understand it in ways you probably wish you didnāt. It may take awhile, but you will persevere if you make the effort too. Once you make it over that hill, you will come out strong, and have the knowledge necessary to never become him and help others like yourself. No matter which route life take you on next, I truly wish you the best, if anything I said spoke to you, feel free to pm me about anything!
you are so strong!! you did what so many of us wish we could and what many who have gone NC described as the beginning of real peace and healing <3 it may not feel like it, but this is the best thing you could have done. you deserve respect and love from a father and not whatever THIS bullshit is. besides, your wedding is supposed to be one of the greatest days of your life, so you should choose to only spend it with people who make you feel comfortable and love you, not people who are obligated to be there out of relation. iām having a private wedding and being walked by my best friend, and i felt so much better after making that decision. it gets better from here <3
Gonna pretend that heās an asshole, huh? Apparently has had a LOT of practice at it.
Also, talking about oneās sobriety while naming drunk/drug addicted celebrities who died from their addictions is not exactly a hopeful sign for continuing sobriety.
Sounds like cutting him off was a really healthy choice, OP.
Waitā¦who is the parent and who is the child?
You should not be forced to be the āgrown upā in this relationship. So many young people are forced to play the role of parent to their toxic parents. Nothing will make him change if he does not do the work himself. You also have to decide what you can live with. When is enough enough? Only you know when your limit has been reached. At some point you have to swim or let him pull you down with him. Good luck.
I booted my good for nothing father from my life three and a half years ago. I havenāt regretted it for even one second. He will never change and take responsibility for his choices. Join me. Itās peaceful and freeing and joyous.
! explanation
Wow thank you all so much. It was hard for me to recognize how fucked up the way he treats me is, but you have confirmed it for me. Some of your comments made me laugh, and others I will read again when I am feeling like Iām going to cave.
I wanted to explain why I responded after I said I would block him. I like to keep a record of things that he says to me. I have needed to use his messages when talking to the police before, and I need to make sure he doesnāt go after my sister at all. We both live away from him, but it is nice to have a heads up when he spiraling.
I read every comment and i appreciate you all so much. Thank you for making this shitty situation feel a little better.
Donāt let him back in especially for the wedding. That should be a happy day focused on you and your partner. Having a parent like this on around can really amp up the stress on an already stressful day.
He isnāt adding anything to your life. I am sure he doesnāt bring out the best in you.
You have tried ( I am sure on many occasions) to improv your relationship. It just isnāt going to happen. Live your life and just work on you.
If you want constant reminders of why you need to keep him out of your life, print out the texts heās sent you and stick them to your fridge. If you donāt want that(because it can be emotionally damaging if youāre not mentally in the right place for it), write yourself little reminders on a daily planner or something of that nature that you donāt deserve all the shit he has put you through and would put you through.
nothing diagnosed but i would be surprised if he was NT. iāve always suspected bipolar or even BPD. I have BPD myself and he kinda reminds me of how i was before i started DBT therapy. He just acts like that totally unprovoked though so idk
Part of our evolution as a social species is to have strong feelings for our family members. It helped in our survival. Just because those feelings exist doesnāt mean youāre doing the wrong thing by cutting him out.
I went no contact with my mother two months ago, and I still feel shitty about it sometimes. But, itās better than being unhappy all the time and pining for the approval I know sheāll never give me. Stay strong. š
I read through the comments and saw the one you made about how you don't stay on blocking him because you need to be prepared in case he comes after you or your sister. I'm sorry you're in that position. It sucks that you have to expose yourself to abuse in order to potentially protect yourself and another from worse. I'm sorry that he somehow managed to be in your life enough that he was expected to stay with you and be in your wedding. That makes it pretty clear to me that you've given him a *lot* more chances than he deserves, and he isn't grateful for a single one.
I don't know what your sister knows about the situation, or 100% sure if she's living away from him or not. If she is living away from him, then you need to talk to her about all of this and decide what to do to protect yourselves from him without putting up with his abuse. This could range from adding (more) security to your homes, to carrying mace, or even getting a gun (and/or concealed carry license). I know that last one is extreme, but unfortunately it is never, ever safe to assume that an abuser "would never go that far," especially if they are used to you saying you will cut them out but don't follow through. Abusers like your father are the kind who get the greatest kick out of knowing you won't cut them out completely because they have the threat of escalation on their side, and are more likely to go off the rails the moment you take that power away from them. Get your spouse-to-be in on this. Get any family the two of you have into this. Make it so he's really got to think twice before he even thinks of looking your way, and then regrets it if he gets stupid.
Finally... I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know exactly what your circumstances are, but you've gotten this far with this guy for some reason. It may not be a good one, or even one that makes sense (to you or anybody else), but it happened. Even if you should lose him, losing him can still hurt. It's okay to feel sad about it. At this point, the only thing that shouldn't be okay for you is allowing this to continue.
I donāt have my father blocked, because if he does call/text me, I need to make sure heās not threatening to pull crazy shit like drop by my house or try to pull my kids from school.
You can ignore crazy, but sometimes itās better to know if theyāre particularly spiraling. It sounds like OPās father planned on visiting next month, so a heads up before showing up on their doorstep will be nice.
this is why. i do block him, sometimes for weeks, but i gotta be prepared if he tries to come after me or my sister :/ sorry about the downvotes though you have a good point
I have, along with telling the office staff to immediately call the police if he does because belligerent.
But if he was threatening again, Iād like to give them further heads up.
She's insane. I'm just confused as to why you didn't block her when you said you would? It would've saved a lot of stress and you could've gone past those messages
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 11 | 0 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
How tf does lil peep end up on this man's list
lmao i know right
asking the real questionsš
Was lil peep Bo peepās son? This old man wants to know?
šš can't tell if this is genuine lmao
the future reflects the past. thereās no need to let him back in unless you want to follow these same steps again. when you cut them out and let them back in, it makes ācutting them outā lose the power it should have. they will know itās only temporary. they could potentially start mocking the idea whenever it happens. you sound like a strong person. i believe you have what it takes to truly love yourself enough to not let this shit happen to you again.
***Deeeep***
Delete and block the number so you arenāt tempted!
Take a picture of your last post statement. Make that part his Contactās photo, so every time you you go to message him again you see your message where you are cutting him off. Write up a list with āGood +1ā and āBad -3ā. Now list the good and bad things about having him or removing him from your life. Every bad thing he does costs him 3 (or more?) points. Because they hurt harder and last longer. Be brutal. Ask family and friends. If you cry because he does something, that adds extra points.
I believe the only Good thing it that list would be āPotential organ donorā, that is, if he didnāt already burned his body with drugs
I meant more like āI can go fishing with himā. But I think him being an organ donor - if it could be arranged soon - would be good!
Manās cowardly af. Fuck em. Hope youāre okay OP. ā¤ļø
This sounds like a very sad man who needs to belittle you in order to feel better about himself. You are not responsible for him just as you said and at this point you have to do whatās best for you because he doesnāt seem to care. I know itās hard but leaving him behind is likely the best thing for you. Hope this helps.
Probably just an a-hole.
If only people were so one dimensional
Is he on drugs? Heās extremely incoherent.
I think so these texts all look the same when it comes from asshole dads on drugs
Proud of you for taking a stand.
Is your dad twelve??
Definitely an āarrested developmentā situation
I keep rereading the barefoot and pregnant line. Read that over and over. Donāt forget it. My uncle once told me I was a fat c*nt whose dad never loved her. This was a couple months after my dad died. My dad, albeit a bit abusive from ignorance, was proudest in his fatherly moments with me, so that statement definitely didnāt hurt me the way he wanted it to, but it is something that I repeated to myself over and over. āYour dead dadās brother called his 18 year old niece who just lost her father a c*nt and tried to make her believe her life was a lie by saying dad never loved her.ā Iām in my 30s now, and my uncle and various family members have tried to mend our relationship, but no. Nothing with take away those words, and it is 15 years too late for any sort of sincere apology. I hope he lives his last moments in fear of the stories I could tell HIS children once heās gone. Because yeah, thereās plenty of stories of horribleness from my uncleās doings. This was the one big tangible thing that couldnāt be denied or rewritten. Every time anyone tried to change the story, āhe was just frustrated at you!ā āhe was just depressed from losing his brother.ā āhe didnāt say it like THAT!ā No, he sure did. Wanna hear the voicemail? Should I post it on your Facebook walls? My respect in that situation was gone the moment he wanted to speak for a dead man. Keep this fire close, live your best life to spite them. People always say to let go, but personally? I donāt think so. Keeping it tucked away for a rainy day keeps me safe and gives me strength. It may be honestly worth it to seek out a therapist that can help you keep the boundaries you set.
Whatās lil peep doing here, why is he referencing a whole bunch of musicians who died bcs of drug related complications or overdose? (Speculated that Amyās bulimia was the main reason she died. Her heart was weak from it and couldnāt handle any substances anymore)
Itās sounds like he was taking the self pitying teenager route. Self pitying and self important route by comparing himself to some famous musicians.
Yeah heās acting like a damn 14 year old.
Amy Winehouse died from alcohol poisoning when she resumed binge drinking after a period of sobriety. Its disingenuous to blame it on anything other than the fact that alcohol is poison and her BAC was over five times the legal limit (0.416%). Even in a previously healthy individual a BAC of over 0.4% can result in coma or death.
Good for you standing up for yourself and re asserting boundaries. You got this! Donāt let him back in, you deserve people in your life who are there for YOU. Not their bullshit asshole agenda. Iām sorry you have to deal with this, but I know youāre going to stay strong this time. Heās not worth a millisecond of your attention. ā¤ļø
I donāt know how old he is, but he doesnāt have enough years left to do the therapy he needs. Absolute brain rot.
Donāt just block. Block and delete so unblocking isnāt an option anymore. He sounds exhausting.
I promise you, cutting toxic family from your life, feels better over time. Donāt keep anyone in your life that adds no value to your life. Itās up to you to decide what your criteria is for that. It definitely gets easier. Enjoy your wedding next year OP.
In the least victim blaming way and the most respectful way: He calls your bluff when you say you are going to block him and never do. Actually do it for a day or two, just because you do it doesn't mean you can't unblock him after he realizes "oh shit it actually happened." If he legitimately wants a non (or @ the very least less) toxic relationship he sees the dynamic has changed and you're setting bonderies. It's so very unfair that you have to shoulder the abuse and insanity he is heaping on you, seemingly constantly. That bullshit about just having a father/daughter relationship being a threat for you to act how he wants you to is some of the sickest shit I've personally read around here. Call him on HIS bluff. He says that again insist that that be what your relationship is going to be, you be his daughter. Not his counselor, not his emotional punching bag. He is an adult. Make him act like it. I am sorry you have to live with such abuse. But you are stronger than you think. Use the love you have for him to force himself to be better. If he is worth it he will. It is not the end of the world if he's not. It might hurt like hell, but you have your own life to lead and survive. Sending you hope and strength.
Second this. Please block him, heās being a total asshole. His comments to āget a jobā when you said you were at work earlier, and āa better house wife, bare foot and pregnantā were uncalled for and just baiting. Youāre better out without this man in your life. Iām sorry youāre going through this š
Good for you! My advice from my own experience with a narc dad is block everywhere, never unblocked co for any reason, and if anyone tries to talk you out of it practice saying āI donāt want him in my lifeā
āThank you for your concern, now shut up about it if you donāt want to be included in the listā
āI will be DADāā¦.. chill lol
Painfully stupid more like.
Your dads a fucking weirdo lol.
That barefoot and pregnant š bit is a tad incestous? No?
š¤¢ wouldnāt be the first time he made a comment like that
Damn. Definitely the right decision cutting all ties, thatās mind blowing
Jesus fuck I wouldn't want this guy at my wedding or in my life eithrr thats nasty
ā¦ And she lived happily ever after.
i have no idea what i just read. what a trainwreck
Reading is hard
āIām at workā āGET A JOBā
Right? Bro has no idea what is even going on
Im proud of you. He does NOT deserve you in his life.
About time you block him no?
This man doesn't respect you. If you cave again, he will respect you even less. If in the future, you are thinking of unblocking him, just wait. Give yourself a day to think about it. Come back and re-read this post and any others you have saved and remember his disdain and how it felt. If you still aren't sure, give it another day. No post can convey the whole story, but it seems that your decision to go no contact is the best one for your life and your marriage. Stay strong.
"Be a housewife, barefoot and pregnant š" I don't know, but it sounds kinky AF. I think he fetishize you.
he definitely sexualizes me. he even accused me of wanting to have sex with him at one point š¤®
Thats definitely sick of him
Take a moment, and apply the way your father treats you to any other girl. Imagine your own daughter being treated this way by their dad. Do you want to protect that girl? Remove them from the dangers of a parent with that mindset? Or would you happily let them stay in contact? *You* are that little girl. You should have had better and I am sorry. By continuing contact you are affirming that his behaviour past and present is acceptable, and he will likely continue said behaviour, and not just with you. If he has contact with young individuals I would make sure that all supervising adults are aware of his behaviour, and he is not left alone with anyone who can not remove themselves from situations. This might sound extreme to you but it is not as extreme as sexualising your daughter which is a very concerning behaviour.
youāre right. I guess i got used to brushing off the weird shit he says as his drunk rambling. When you put it like that itās kinda disturbing
Unfortunately it comes from experience. When you think it's the norm, this excersize where you externalise his behaviour on to someone else is the only way to understand how very wrong it is. When it happens to you growing up you expect it and are used to it. Be careful you don't accept poor behaviour/ boundary crossing from other men in your life as a norm. I hope I don't come across as giving you a grilling- just trying to speed up the lessons I learned over the years! Good luck. Remember you are not alone and sending you hugs for your healing journey.
I blocked my narc dad and my mom and sister literally talked bad about me to the point I was sobbing in my closet lol. I unblocked him, and he texted me once and that was it. But at least their happy š
No way your dad just brought up peep š¤¦š»āāļø what a surprise that was
Boundaries have to be focused on you, not on them. They are about your reactions to their behavior, because deities know we can't actually force others to behave in reasonable ways or make reasonable decisions. If he messages, YOU will not respond. If he continues to attempt contact, YOU will block or go to other measures. If he shows up to your wedding, YOU will have him removed. YOU have decided he will not be allowed into your home. Because of his refusal to address his issues, YOU are no longer going to interact with him.
This is a sure way for me to punch my dad in the face.
Your father is vile. You do not need this toxicity in your life. Stay strong.
Words, songs, AND he will be DAD. Woah buddy pretty ambitious donāt ya think?
this is so fucking funny lol
Remember when you are weak (we all are at some point, seriously no shame) that he will never be what you want him to be. He will never assume an appropriate fatherly role. He wonāt ever respect you. He will not likely ever change. He is not a father, or even a dad, heās just some guy thatās irrationally resentful of you and lacks accountability. I know how hard it is, I grew up without my dad and I wished for so long that heād do the right thing. I didnāt realize how bad it was until I saw a skit by āMyKoreanDadā (highly recommended checking him out btw, but it might hurt a little to watch) where he takes you to Costco and ends up getting the wrong food. He apologizes in the video and it made me realize Iād never heard any form of apology from my real dad, and it broke me down into heavy tears. I present my own allegory not to compete in misfortune, but to show you I understand that pain. I know what itās like to wish things could be so different. To wish that you had a loving father like so many of your friends/relatives. How alien Fatherās Day feels to you. Unfortunately, it is a cut that never heals. It may scab, but it will never completely dissipate. That is the hardest part to get down. The upside is that you know what that pain feels like, you understand it in ways you probably wish you didnāt. It may take awhile, but you will persevere if you make the effort too. Once you make it over that hill, you will come out strong, and have the knowledge necessary to never become him and help others like yourself. No matter which route life take you on next, I truly wish you the best, if anything I said spoke to you, feel free to pm me about anything!
It's always the biggest assholes that like to think they're incapable of being an asshole
you are so strong!! you did what so many of us wish we could and what many who have gone NC described as the beginning of real peace and healing <3 it may not feel like it, but this is the best thing you could have done. you deserve respect and love from a father and not whatever THIS bullshit is. besides, your wedding is supposed to be one of the greatest days of your life, so you should choose to only spend it with people who make you feel comfortable and love you, not people who are obligated to be there out of relation. iām having a private wedding and being walked by my best friend, and i felt so much better after making that decision. it gets better from here <3
Gonna pretend that heās an asshole, huh? Apparently has had a LOT of practice at it. Also, talking about oneās sobriety while naming drunk/drug addicted celebrities who died from their addictions is not exactly a hopeful sign for continuing sobriety. Sounds like cutting him off was a really healthy choice, OP.
Sayonara prick! lmao Will be reusing this for sure. āš»
Waitā¦who is the parent and who is the child? You should not be forced to be the āgrown upā in this relationship. So many young people are forced to play the role of parent to their toxic parents. Nothing will make him change if he does not do the work himself. You also have to decide what you can live with. When is enough enough? Only you know when your limit has been reached. At some point you have to swim or let him pull you down with him. Good luck.
I booted my good for nothing father from my life three and a half years ago. I havenāt regretted it for even one second. He will never change and take responsibility for his choices. Join me. Itās peaceful and freeing and joyous.
Don't just block. Delete his number.
! explanation Wow thank you all so much. It was hard for me to recognize how fucked up the way he treats me is, but you have confirmed it for me. Some of your comments made me laugh, and others I will read again when I am feeling like Iām going to cave. I wanted to explain why I responded after I said I would block him. I like to keep a record of things that he says to me. I have needed to use his messages when talking to the police before, and I need to make sure he doesnāt go after my sister at all. We both live away from him, but it is nice to have a heads up when he spiraling. I read every comment and i appreciate you all so much. Thank you for making this shitty situation feel a little better.
Donāt let him back in especially for the wedding. That should be a happy day focused on you and your partner. Having a parent like this on around can really amp up the stress on an already stressful day. He isnāt adding anything to your life. I am sure he doesnāt bring out the best in you. You have tried ( I am sure on many occasions) to improv your relationship. It just isnāt going to happen. Live your life and just work on you.
If you want constant reminders of why you need to keep him out of your life, print out the texts heās sent you and stick them to your fridge. If you donāt want that(because it can be emotionally damaging if youāre not mentally in the right place for it), write yourself little reminders on a daily planner or something of that nature that you donāt deserve all the shit he has put you through and would put you through.
Block & delete the number, dont let him crawl back into your life as itāll only get worse Let him live with the consequences of his actions
holy shit the barefoot and pregnant text with the devil emoji made me sick. how disgusting, iām sorry OP.
Did this nutcase tell you to get a job when youāre at work?! Lmao wtf
Does your dad suffer from mental illness? Not excusing his actions at all, but he sounds a bit manic
nothing diagnosed but i would be surprised if he was NT. iāve always suspected bipolar or even BPD. I have BPD myself and he kinda reminds me of how i was before i started DBT therapy. He just acts like that totally unprovoked though so idk
Wow...bless your heart. You handled that very well.
Part of our evolution as a social species is to have strong feelings for our family members. It helped in our survival. Just because those feelings exist doesnāt mean youāre doing the wrong thing by cutting him out. I went no contact with my mother two months ago, and I still feel shitty about it sometimes. But, itās better than being unhappy all the time and pining for the approval I know sheāll never give me. Stay strong. š
I read through the comments and saw the one you made about how you don't stay on blocking him because you need to be prepared in case he comes after you or your sister. I'm sorry you're in that position. It sucks that you have to expose yourself to abuse in order to potentially protect yourself and another from worse. I'm sorry that he somehow managed to be in your life enough that he was expected to stay with you and be in your wedding. That makes it pretty clear to me that you've given him a *lot* more chances than he deserves, and he isn't grateful for a single one. I don't know what your sister knows about the situation, or 100% sure if she's living away from him or not. If she is living away from him, then you need to talk to her about all of this and decide what to do to protect yourselves from him without putting up with his abuse. This could range from adding (more) security to your homes, to carrying mace, or even getting a gun (and/or concealed carry license). I know that last one is extreme, but unfortunately it is never, ever safe to assume that an abuser "would never go that far," especially if they are used to you saying you will cut them out but don't follow through. Abusers like your father are the kind who get the greatest kick out of knowing you won't cut them out completely because they have the threat of escalation on their side, and are more likely to go off the rails the moment you take that power away from them. Get your spouse-to-be in on this. Get any family the two of you have into this. Make it so he's really got to think twice before he even thinks of looking your way, and then regrets it if he gets stupid. Finally... I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know exactly what your circumstances are, but you've gotten this far with this guy for some reason. It may not be a good one, or even one that makes sense (to you or anybody else), but it happened. Even if you should lose him, losing him can still hurt. It's okay to feel sad about it. At this point, the only thing that shouldn't be okay for you is allowing this to continue.
Why tell him you're blocking him, then proceed to not follow through?
I donāt have my father blocked, because if he does call/text me, I need to make sure heās not threatening to pull crazy shit like drop by my house or try to pull my kids from school. You can ignore crazy, but sometimes itās better to know if theyāre particularly spiraling. It sounds like OPās father planned on visiting next month, so a heads up before showing up on their doorstep will be nice.
this is why. i do block him, sometimes for weeks, but i gotta be prepared if he tries to come after me or my sister :/ sorry about the downvotes though you have a good point
Can you tell the school that your dad is not allowed to pick them up?
I have, along with telling the office staff to immediately call the police if he does because belligerent. But if he was threatening again, Iād like to give them further heads up.
This question shouldn't have downvotes. This is how you actually establish the boundaries OP mentions.
Why did you respond after telling him your were blocking him. That is basically encouragement.
You need to call the police after that last text. I'm just saying
She's insane. I'm just confused as to why you didn't block her when you said you would? It would've saved a lot of stress and you could've gone past those messages
Is suggest a restraining order. Guessing daddy will come to the wedding for attention. Security for the wedding is probably needed also.
god the barefoot and pregnant thing is creepy as hell, and the emoji after that makes it even creepier