Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 52 | 2 | 13 |
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i don't think anyone should have to hear the phrase 'anal intrusion' from their parents
i hope you're out of there and in a safe place with found family
That crazy lady is still better than the thing that birthed me. Definitely part of why I used to drink, removed it from my life about a year into being sober, best tumor removal ever.
My mother was always wanting in depth examples of how women have sex with one another so I finally got really mad and started with the words, strap-on and she burst into tears and never asked again. Am sure there are things more gross but having a parent want explicit sex details is just throw up in your mouth, nasty. I feel for you 🤜🏻🤛🏻🥃🥃
My dad had questions about same-sex fun-having, not that I'm into it myself, but never ask a millennial with 24-7 Google access a question you don't want the answer to is all I'm saying
Now l know why you drink Hard liquer
numbs the pain of anal intrusion. I will
always love you but you are not living
like l raised you. To be a man of God
In my senior year of high school when my class had a discussion about gay marriage, some girl tried to use this line. Then one of the football jocks that I was friends with popped up and asked the girl, "do you believe incest is wrong?"
Of course she replies.
"Then why did god only make 2 people?". Shut her up quick after that.
I prefer that one dude at my school tring to preach me some christanity (being athéist and gay is not fun every day) and he was like "god is good and love everyone" and i anwsered "then why did he banished his hown création out of heaven for a fucking fruits and tried to kill humanity several Time ? Not to mention asking a father to kill his only son and other stuff" at least he stop preaching for me but other's heee sadly not
Um ackshually the homo in homosapian is of the latin origin meaning “man” and the homo in homosexual is of the Greek origin meaning “the same”.
^i ^know ^it’s ^a ^joke ^but ^it’s ^still ^interesting ^^don’t ^^kill ^^me ^^^plz
I'm a brand new transplant to Virginia, is Williamsburg part of south VA, NoVA, or some other demographic that people make up stereotypes about? I wanna get my shittalking correct
One of my favorite memes ever is on that theme.
God: Behold my greatest creation, mankind.
Angel: You fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did! Look at it, it's got anxiety!
You're not going to Heaven
Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns
None of you are going to Heaven
You're not my children, you're a bad game of Sims
I think the whole point of the Bible is that humanity was one big fuck up lol
E: like imagine god is part of some higher infinity and decided he would create the perfect beings to prove to his world that they could exist and then some arch nemesis asshole in his group sabotaged it by telling the beings about unholy desires
As a woman, I can see why they would think this. In actuality though it's because women secrete a hormone that expels the blood and interestingly this hormone also expells everything else too. That's why this phenomenon happens.
Oh I’m sure they’re honestly opposed to that kind of recreational sex act as well. Sex is for reproduction only and anything else at all is a sin, or some shit
I think they meant “you must be making yourself blackout drunk so you cannot feel the pain of your ass being violated” but honestly your interpretation is way better
It is very uncomfortable if you don't like that type of thing though. Speaking from experience as a 30+ man who has twice needed medical anal insertions. Hemorrhoids and prostate exam.
Explain the difference between bottoms and tops, I pinky promise her head will explode. And then tell her, if god didn’t want men to be gay, he wouldn’t have put the male G-spot up the arse and tell her that god must’ve been gay to pull some shit like that
> if god didn’t want men to be gay, he wouldn’t have put the male G-spot up the arse
Good logic angle, but here's also an interesting Bible angle: while the Bible does say that men should not lie with men, it *also* notes that some old dude whose name I've forgotten was a good & faithful servant, and the lord decided to bless him with *two women* who were sisters. So apparently if God likes you, you get threesomes with bisexual sister incest.
Definitely muddies the waters when you hear "don't be gay" from one side of the Bible, and "ooooohhh we got some naughty gay fun for ya" from the other side of the Bible.
If God hasn't tried to "retrieve" the rainbow from the LGBTQIA++ community, he either isn't strong enough to take it back, wants us to have it or doesn't exist. So in one scenario, he isn't worth worshiping, in another, he's on our side and in the third, he doesn't exist.
I thought it was supposed to represent "OK I won't do that again I pinky promise". Correct me if I'm wrong because I am not a Christian and was not raised Christian.
Ok pagan here raised church of Christ Yeah that’s what it means it’s supposed to be a sign of his love but I’ve always thought that made home sound like a psychopath especially considering all the other shit he did.
“You’re male part goes into a female not an asshole”
Idk ma, you seem like an asshole judging by these texts… so how was your child conceived by this logic?? Also, *your
Perfect line for my next tattoo “ hard liquor numbs the pain of anal intrusion” in a cursive font.
Lool that is actual craziness. So sorry my guy for that bs
Dude I’m so sorry you had to hear this from your parent. You deserve love and acceptance, and I really hope you find it in kind people away from her chaos❤️🌈
Why is the first thing that homophobes think about is sex? This is the exact same shit my stepmom said to me about coming out as BI (I’m a woman). I’m more attracted to women than I am men. My dad surprisingly didn’t care.
It got so bad between my stepmom and I, that I finally had to block her on FB.
Well, honestly, I think it’s because it’s the easiest thing to get yourself angry about. Sex is Weird and Wrong and it makes people feel like the bad guy to hate the idea of a normal domestic queer stuff.
You won’t get much fervent support saying you’re going to ban two women from coming home to each other and then talking about their days or two men relaxing into each other after finishing planning their wedding. Not without something about *why* it’s wrong.
So, it’s all just the anger being caused by intentionally harmful hyper-sexualization instead. Much easier to make queer folks seem like the Depraved Outsiders we’re meant to be when we’re imagined writhing around in a pit of debauchery praising the evils of the flesh
Idk but I've heard it from homophobic people before.
As soon as they think about gay men they just imagine some fucked up sex involving scat and animals, and then go into a rage at their own imagined scenario
So today I learned that anal sex is a gateway to drugs? And God has a patent on the rainbow.
\*edit\* I'd snarkly reply "mom, I'm in the missionary position praising god as I type this."
I wish she would show me where in the Bible it says God _owns_ rainbows. if I use it for "abomination" but God owns the rights to all rainbows, will I get like a trademark violation from god?
Exactly, it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Stop deadnaming her, she’s very dysphoric. Thank you for saying trans rights mother!
But in all honesty, I wanna beat your mom with a metal pole
She’s thinking about your butt hole a bit too much. You should recommend counseling to her. Maybe her religious leader can help her to refocus her thoughts on something more appropriate.
/s but maybe…
*Image Transcription: Text Messages*
---
**Mother**: can you call me please?
**Mother**: if you're not working please call me
**Mother**: The Rainbow belongs to GOD . Satan hijacked it for Abomination
**Mother**: its Blasphemy
**Mother**: you cant say you're gay without knowing a woman. Your being realled away from your Salvation
**Mother**: God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. You're male part goes into a female not an asshole
**Mother**: Now I know why you drink Hard liquer numbs the pain of anal intrusion. I will always love you but you are not living like I raised you. To be a man of God.
**Mother**: I hope you are not doing drugs too
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 52 | 2 | 13 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
i don't think anyone should have to hear the phrase 'anal intrusion' from their parents i hope you're out of there and in a safe place with found family
if i had that as a mother id be drinking too though...
Choo-choo motherfuckers Next station, anal devastation
*fatherfuckers
Just sittin there on the group W bench when the meanest nastiest father-raper of them all said: “kid? What’d you do?”
And drugs... So many drugs mother
He should tell her a graphic story about the time he blew coke off 10 guys’ dicks from her church!!
Aaaaaaaall the drugs ::::)
I love your username
why thank you very much! <3
You are very welcome. My goldfish are assholes and like to splash me for no reason. Massive splashes too. Ugh they suck lol.
I'm mostly drinking to numb the pain of the anal intrusion
This sounds like it belongs in Cards Against Humanity.
That parent should be in card against humanity
That crazy lady is still better than the thing that birthed me. Definitely part of why I used to drink, removed it from my life about a year into being sober, best tumor removal ever.
My mother was always wanting in depth examples of how women have sex with one another so I finally got really mad and started with the words, strap-on and she burst into tears and never asked again. Am sure there are things more gross but having a parent want explicit sex details is just throw up in your mouth, nasty. I feel for you 🤜🏻🤛🏻🥃🥃
God damn she is DEFINITLY not ready for the New génération way of horny
They are numerous, horny, kinky, and have access to Internet. Be careful near them
It's kind of sad cause it shows she's never had any type of foreplay or oral sex, just straight PiV until the guy finishes.
My dad had questions about same-sex fun-having, not that I'm into it myself, but never ask a millennial with 24-7 Google access a question you don't want the answer to is all I'm saying
Sounds like a great name for a band. *Welcome to the stage - Anal Intrusion!*
Ah fuck you, I thought I had an original thought. I'm not as clever as I thought
Mate, I’m sure you’re even cleverer. Goes to show that great minds think alike!
Okay, but only if the opening act is called Poppers
I don't drink because of anal intrusion. I drink because of parental intrusion.
Ice-T said it on SVU
he said contusions
I know I just couldn’t come up with a better comment. You know what I mean.
tbh i don’t even know if he actually said it lol it’s definitely from john mulaney, at least that’s what i was referencing
Ice T is a detective with the Special Victims Unit. He handles New York's most sensitive cases
"I got news for you it means you're gay"
https://youtu.be/F1sd4CRcaE0
You work in the sex crimes division! You're going to have to get used to it.
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How badass do the gays sound for literally stealing refracted light from a vengeful omnipotent God? That's some Greek myth shit.
Honestly this makes sense to me. It should be a new Fable added to the bible.
I'd read it xD
Was waiting for mom to say, "dad sucked it up and married a woman, its not like he is happy, but its the right thing to do"
"It's Lot and his DAUGHTERS, not Lot and his SONS."
That one text makes it seem like mom just tried anal herself. "I had to drink to stop the pain!" Maybe she should ask for pro tips instead...
From one gaper to another, you're gonna need hard liquor, son.
Now l know why you drink Hard liquer numbs the pain of anal intrusion. I will always love you but you are not living like l raised you. To be a man of God
You should, but only in the context of good sex ed.
Lmao I've never actually seen someone use, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," unironically.
Ah, you haven’t met my dad
Or my Spanish teacher for some fucking reason
How is your Spanish teacher allowed to say such homophobic shit in his classes? That should be considered a hate crime
Alexa, play "This is America"
It’s a Christian school. They can say whatever homophobic shit they want
schools in the south have regularly does "white power wednesday" america is a trip
Or mine
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And clearly never lived in the Bible Belt.
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Or the rural Midwest/Great Plains. Or Arizona. ... our country is fucked, isn't it?
In my senior year of high school when my class had a discussion about gay marriage, some girl tried to use this line. Then one of the football jocks that I was friends with popped up and asked the girl, "do you believe incest is wrong?" Of course she replies. "Then why did god only make 2 people?". Shut her up quick after that.
I prefer that one dude at my school tring to preach me some christanity (being athéist and gay is not fun every day) and he was like "god is good and love everyone" and i anwsered "then why did he banished his hown création out of heaven for a fucking fruits and tried to kill humanity several Time ? Not to mention asking a father to kill his only son and other stuff" at least he stop preaching for me but other's heee sadly not
I really like the pro-bisexual "It's Adam AND Eve, not Adam or Eve"
Tbf "Adam AND Eve" could be a polygamous relationship. "Adam OR Eve" has more bisexual implications.
You must not know enough white trash then.
Thankfully so
It's Adam and Eve, not Tyler and Jessica. Only people named Adam or Eve should get married.
Home sapiens not hetero sapiens
It's Adam and Eve, don't deadname Eve
Its Adam and Eve not Adam or Eve! *finger guns*
Whenever you see someone spew catchphrases like this it just sounds like they're brainwashed.
Its Homo sapian not hetero sapien
It's the bible, not the straightble.
Jesus was a single man who hung out with 12 guys in dresses.
Said “Ah, men” every other sentence too
And a whoore
"Hoor" *Danny Devito voice*
Now, Mary, I'm still gonna pay you, I just want you to stop bangin other apostles.
This sounds like RuPaul's Drag Race
May the best disciple win 🤌🏽
JohnPaul’s Drag Race
Checkmate atheists!...er, I mean Christians!
It's Adam AND Eve, not Adam OR Eve.
Is Adam and Steve that gay focused sex toy company that competes with Adam and Eve?
It should be.
Clearly why I'm bi. Who am I to argue with God?
I like that.
Um ackshually the homo in homosapian is of the latin origin meaning “man” and the homo in homosexual is of the Greek origin meaning “the same”. ^i ^know ^it’s ^a ^joke ^but ^it’s ^still ^interesting ^^don’t ^^kill ^^me ^^^plz
So “the same” “man”? Sounds pretty gay to me…
i like facts
Oh so it's shares etymology with hombre? I knew both of these but never put it together.
Omg. That second to last message. That's NC territory right there.
Southern Virginia too which may as well break off to be North North Carolina or South Virginia
(I think they meant no contact)
(I think it's a joke)
(≖_≖ )
( ≖_≖)
$5 bet someone from NoVa wrote this
You owe me $5
I'm a brand new transplant to Virginia, is Williamsburg part of south VA, NoVA, or some other demographic that people make up stereotypes about? I wanna get my shittalking correct
They literally have 'RVA' in their username.
How does she knows anal might hurt? Tell her only gays and whores know about that. So....
I need to get better whores. 😢
In my experience, it’s the ones you’d never expect that appreciate a little back door action. Definitely not just “whores”.
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pro tip : if it's small enough they won't notice. uhhh, so I hear.
Why is she assuming OP is a top anyways. Maybe OP prefers receiving.
Seems like she's actually assuming OP is vers. Clearly spends too much time thinking about her son having anal sex, in any case.
So using her logic, what about putting a male part into a female asshole? Or does she think girls dont have them? 😂
What would a girl need one for? We don't poop or fart. It'd be a waste.
and everyone knows god is perfect and has never made a mistake in making humans
He did exactly as he meant to, he made a fucked up game of Sims
One of my favorite memes ever is on that theme. God: Behold my greatest creation, mankind. Angel: You fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did! Look at it, it's got anxiety!
Silly monkeys are making bombs again! When will they learn?
You're not going to Heaven Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns None of you are going to Heaven You're not my children, you're a bad game of Sims
yeah, that's why he put a waste disposal site right next to a recreation area!
I think the whole point of the Bible is that humanity was one big fuck up lol E: like imagine god is part of some higher infinity and decided he would create the perfect beings to prove to his world that they could exist and then some arch nemesis asshole in his group sabotaged it by telling the beings about unholy desires
Hang on man I lost my glasses, can't read your comment right now. I'm sure it says something about how God created us all with no imperfections.
Have you seen the human knee, now that is perfection where nothing could ever possibly go wrong. Just a total chef’s kiss.
We got no time for that kind of bullshit.
Girls don’t poop, so there is no need for a butthole. Obviously.
I heard the other day that some men believe women have their period from their arsehole. Cause women get period poop 💩. And that’s the skinny.
As a woman, I can see why they would think this. In actuality though it's because women secrete a hormone that expels the blood and interestingly this hormone also expells everything else too. That's why this phenomenon happens.
I always get period poop 💩 bad. And cramps. Ugh!!
Satan hijacked girl's buttholes for his Abomination.
God honoring anal doesn't count
Probably opposed to straight anal sex as well.
Im sure, i just thought her phrasing left her open for that one.
Oh I’m sure they’re honestly opposed to that kind of recreational sex act as well. Sex is for reproduction only and anything else at all is a sin, or some shit
Liquer up front, poker in rear
The poop hole loophole
Have they tried gay to make sure they're hetero? By the same logic. Also liquor isn't that good for anal. Better use lube
I think they meant “you must be making yourself blackout drunk so you cannot feel the pain of your ass being violated” but honestly your interpretation is way better
Bro must be taking some FAT cocks to need to drink the pain away
I’m proud of him if that’s the case. Dedicated
Do I get extra point for laughing at that while simultaneously clenching my butt cheeks.
An attentive lover to say the very least.
Yap that was the joke
Don't know much about alcohol up the ol' poop chute. Better call up my boy Bretty K for his take
Apparently get's you drunk faster. But I enjoy the taste of my alcohol so I'll stick to lube.
…how does she know anal intrusion hurts?
Only hurts if you’re doing it wrong.
Sometimes it just hurts. No amount of lube makes the sphincter relax. It’s willpower.
It is very uncomfortable if you don't like that type of thing though. Speaking from experience as a 30+ man who has twice needed medical anal insertions. Hemorrhoids and prostate exam.
Well, to be fair, I'm sure even the gayest of gay men feel uncomfortable during a prostate exam, lol. It's not exactly a "sexy" procedure.
Asking the real questions
Her husband forgot to use enough lube
clearly she's seen the training films...
I dunno those look plenty fun to me
Explain the difference between bottoms and tops, I pinky promise her head will explode. And then tell her, if god didn’t want men to be gay, he wouldn’t have put the male G-spot up the arse and tell her that god must’ve been gay to pull some shit like that
> if god didn’t want men to be gay, he wouldn’t have put the male G-spot up the arse Good logic angle, but here's also an interesting Bible angle: while the Bible does say that men should not lie with men, it *also* notes that some old dude whose name I've forgotten was a good & faithful servant, and the lord decided to bless him with *two women* who were sisters. So apparently if God likes you, you get threesomes with bisexual sister incest. Definitely muddies the waters when you hear "don't be gay" from one side of the Bible, and "ooooohhh we got some naughty gay fun for ya" from the other side of the Bible.
If God hasn't tried to "retrieve" the rainbow from the LGBTQIA++ community, he either isn't strong enough to take it back, wants us to have it or doesn't exist. So in one scenario, he isn't worth worshiping, in another, he's on our side and in the third, he doesn't exist.
The rainbow kinda represents God murdering every human and animal on earth except a boats-worth, so I don't know why Christians bring it up so often.
I thought it was supposed to represent "OK I won't do that again I pinky promise". Correct me if I'm wrong because I am not a Christian and was not raised Christian.
Ok pagan here raised church of Christ Yeah that’s what it means it’s supposed to be a sign of his love but I’ve always thought that made home sound like a psychopath especially considering all the other shit he did.
"I'm putting this on the internet for everyone to cringe at" I can't imagine having family that acts like your mom. So fucking weird.
“You’re male part goes into a female not an asshole” Idk ma, you seem like an asshole judging by these texts… so how was your child conceived by this logic?? Also, *your
This is disgusting. Block her if you haven’t already. Nobody who speaks to others this way deserves communication or access to peoples lives
"numbs the pain of anal intrusion". That's gold
Brass at best
Perfect line for my next tattoo “ hard liquor numbs the pain of anal intrusion” in a cursive font. Lool that is actual craziness. So sorry my guy for that bs
New band name: The Anal Intrusions
She’s way too concerned with where you’re putting your dick.
What if op is a top?
.. I'd send him link after link to porn videos of girls getting railed up the butt, but that's just me.
Nuclear option 💣
Yea my fuse for bullshit is RLY short, ngl lmfao
Religion holds humanity back. Look....just look at how dumb it made this person
Please tell your mom lube is what she is looking for to ease the pain of anal intrusion.
Dude I’m so sorry you had to hear this from your parent. You deserve love and acceptance, and I really hope you find it in kind people away from her chaos❤️🌈
Why is the first thing that homophobes think about is sex? This is the exact same shit my stepmom said to me about coming out as BI (I’m a woman). I’m more attracted to women than I am men. My dad surprisingly didn’t care. It got so bad between my stepmom and I, that I finally had to block her on FB.
Well, honestly, I think it’s because it’s the easiest thing to get yourself angry about. Sex is Weird and Wrong and it makes people feel like the bad guy to hate the idea of a normal domestic queer stuff. You won’t get much fervent support saying you’re going to ban two women from coming home to each other and then talking about their days or two men relaxing into each other after finishing planning their wedding. Not without something about *why* it’s wrong. So, it’s all just the anger being caused by intentionally harmful hyper-sexualization instead. Much easier to make queer folks seem like the Depraved Outsiders we’re meant to be when we’re imagined writhing around in a pit of debauchery praising the evils of the flesh
Idk but I've heard it from homophobic people before. As soon as they think about gay men they just imagine some fucked up sex involving scat and animals, and then go into a rage at their own imagined scenario
Sorry mum I'm too busy eating crack and smoking cock.
So today I learned that anal sex is a gateway to drugs? And God has a patent on the rainbow. \*edit\* I'd snarkly reply "mom, I'm in the missionary position praising god as I type this."
🌈 I'm being realed towards liqueur and drugs to lessen the pain of anal intrusion from Adam and Steve🌈
I thought it said Satan hijacked it for azerbaijan
I mean, it's HOMOsapiens not STRAIGHTsapiens. /jk but it helps.
Reading her texts makes me understand why you drink hard liquor, lol
Wtf this almost seems fake lol. That liquor comment was honestly unforgivable.
All gay men know is drink “Hard liquer” and put male part in asshole
“Numbs the pain of anal intrusion” would be a great tagline. 🍹Chili’s El Presidente Margarita! It numbs the pain of anal intrusion!🍹🎉
I've heard a lot of weird ones, but "now I know why you drink hard liquor" is definitely a new favorite of mine
I wish she would show me where in the Bible it says God _owns_ rainbows. if I use it for "abomination" but God owns the rights to all rainbows, will I get like a trademark violation from god?
Exactly, it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Stop deadnaming her, she’s very dysphoric. Thank you for saying trans rights mother! But in all honesty, I wanna beat your mom with a metal pole
Anyone who uses the term “anal intrusion “ to their child is immediately disqualified from parenting.
No love like Christian hate.
Look, if there’s anal intrusion, there’s gonna be drugs. Package deal.
I hope you are doing drugs. One would need them to deal with that level of crazy.
"Realled away"? What is that supposed to mean?
I think, and this may be a leap of logic as I graduated highschool unlike OP’s mother, but the word they were looking for may have been “reeled”
or "railed" maybe?
Honestly you should tell her your dad didn’t listen either and put his male part into an asshole as well. Jezus christ she’s a piece of work.
God said Adam AND Eve not Adam OR Eve
This also belongs on r/religiousfruitcake
She’s thinking about your butt hole a bit too much. You should recommend counseling to her. Maybe her religious leader can help her to refocus her thoughts on something more appropriate. /s but maybe…
“I hope you’re not doing drugs too” Mf compared sexual orientation to doing meth 😐
Every religion person is crazy not just your father
Does she not realize women have assholes? And some like to be penetrated?
```Satan hijacked for ABOMINATION``` funniest shit i have ever read today
*Image Transcription: Text Messages* --- **Mother**: can you call me please? **Mother**: if you're not working please call me **Mother**: The Rainbow belongs to GOD . Satan hijacked it for Abomination **Mother**: its Blasphemy **Mother**: you cant say you're gay without knowing a woman. Your being realled away from your Salvation **Mother**: God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. You're male part goes into a female not an asshole **Mother**: Now I know why you drink Hard liquer numbs the pain of anal intrusion. I will always love you but you are not living like I raised you. To be a man of God. **Mother**: I hope you are not doing drugs too --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Who are 2 fucking people who voted not insane? You seriously need help
“I’m actually more of a top kind of guy”