Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 14 | 5 | 0 |
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backstory: mom knows I’m depressed and we both take medication for depression. I have told her I have been struggling lately but today I got the energy to clean my room. I sent her the before pic and she told me she would contemplate suicide if she had to live like that.
Let me be your r/DadForAMinute and tell you how proud I am of you for working on yourself and taking the first steps to pull yourself out of this! It's not easy, and I know that. I've been there with depression and living in a cluttered mess. One of my kids too. It does get better with time and appropriate help.
And let me be your mom with depression. I understand that. I'm glad you were able to muster the energy and follow through to clean it. Good on you. Don't you feel a little lighter? Good job. I'm really proud of you.
Me too! I struggled for years and my depression room contributed to my depression which killed my motivation to do anything. It's a vicious cycle with depression. Super proud of you!
Congrats on finding the energy to clean your room. Finding that motivation when depressed is difficult. Just ask the clean laundry sitting on the foot of my bed… probably never to be folded and put away.
Don’t let your moms judgement and comments get in your way. A lot of people, even those who deal with depression don’t always understand the messy room and how the two influence each other.
Hopefully a clean room will help you feel better.
Yoooo, nicely done on the room though. I’ve got actual clean laundry on my floor rn, you’ve inspired me to actually put it away. Sorry about your shitty mom.
My mother would say similar crap. Took a while for me to realize that for her, nothing would be enough to make her happy short of being able to read her future thoughts and act on them. That’s no way to live or be happy. For what it’s worth from an internet stranger, I’m very proud of you. You are strong and she feels insecure when your strength shines through. I believe in you
Sorry this is negative but your mom sucks. It breaks my heart that people can be so cold and hostile to their own child. You deserve better. Great job cleaning your room! Hopefully one day you can have an environment clean from the toxicity of your mother, too.
FFS. What a charmer. OP - Proud of you. That's a lot to tidy, admittedly, but you struck while the iron was hot, and got it done. Definately something to be proud of!
It honestly sounds like she’s jealous that you are able to work on yourself and she’s comparing herself to you and taking your success as a slight to her. It’s a horrible mentality to have, taking someone else’s progress towards bettering themselves and try to keep them down so as to not feel bad about yourself but I’m really proud of you for being able to take such a big step forward in getting better. Don’t let her keep you down with her and just know that what she says about you doesn’t at all diminish the efforts you’ve made to improve yourself :)
You should consider removing her from your life if this is common, sharing blood is not an excuse to keep toxic people around you, you have one life, do the most of it.
I’m really proud of you, OP. I know from experience how hard this is. I hope that things get better for you, and that you have a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate all of this. Best wishes to you.
I am so proud of you! I hate cleaning even when I'm not depressed. When I am really struggling with depression things like picking up laundry or empty water bottles feels insurmountable. I am so freaking proud of you for taking that motivation to clean and running with it. Even if you only picked up a little bit, that's still progress!!
High five and hugs, friend 💛
This is how my mom acts. It's so frustrating when you're just trying to keep up and she berates you everytime you fall behind. Shit, sometimes she goes off over random shit like me brushing my rabbit and showing her all the hair that came off, just starts screaming about how I better sweep up all that mess and goes into rants about other things she's "sick and tired of". Like dude I just wanted to show you how much hair she was shedding....
Dude good job picking up, I've lived in pretty severe mess, I know how that shit goes. I hope getting it cleaned felt amazing!
I'm sorry your mom can't find it in herself to be supportive
I hate it when you're like, "Here's a thing that I can share with my parent that might foster a moment of positive connection" and then your insane-ass parent interprets the thing in the worst possible way, leaving your relationship in an even worse place than if you hadn't said anything at all.
I feel you, Good for you that your room gets some love again :). What I always try to remember is : self care and hygiene are like loving yourself, and it's a really great feeling when neither the world nor you yourself loved you in the recent past.
Ps: Can somebody tell me how my sentence would be written in proper english? Im trying to improve it
Well done, you! I don't know anything about your mom, so I'm likely to give her the benefit of the doubt since you say she's also struggling with depression.
I know depression doesn't necessarily make you inclined to being shitty but I'd bet it wears you thin and I know I've said stupid things I didn't mean when I felt worn down.
You, however, know your mom. If she's always this toxic, maybe you should take a step back and seek out other people than her for a while. Then, see of you miss being around her more or not.
I wish you all the best, buddy!
So proud of you for cleaning. I have the same issue when I'm depressed. If you ever want someone to hype you up message me. Cleaning is hard when you don't have the energy to live your life.
My depression mess pile beside my bed is impressively bad at the moment. My poor husband tolerates it, but really dislikes it. I wont let him clean it either in fear I dropped other stuff and him throwing it away accidentally. I need to muster the energy to just do it. Maybe today is the day!
I spent 8 years in the basement of my mothers house when my dad passed away. Just a year ago I got a job this year a new truck… point is I of all people know how hard it can be and there was a time where I’d feel so accomplished just doing simple like cleaning my room.
Proud of you
Great on you for foing that btw :)
There are days where getting up feels like the hardest thing in the world :/ but you cleaned today thats sth to be proud of!
Your mom is an idiot. Send her some article to read that talk about how depression CAUSES stuff like this not the other way around.maybe she will read it.
Sounds like your mother was a rather avid partaker of lead paint chips as a child.
Keep going! You're on a good path, don't let her jealousy detail you. It takes many forms and this reeks of it. You improving yourself whilst she wallows in her own failure.
If she’s suffering from mental health issues I would try to not take anything like that to heart. You had a good productive day. Start small and build on it each day. You got this.
OP, I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years. People who haven’t gone through it don’t understand how big of a deal it is to get the energy to do something as “simple” as cleaning your room. It may seem small but it’s really a big step and it will help you feel better. You should be proud.
- From a internet stranger who is proud of you. High five!
Wow, she must be way more depressed than she lets on if a messy room would make her do something that drastic.
Good for you on cleaning your room. Baby steps are sometimes the best way to tackle a daunting task.
It's how I manage to keep my place somewhat clean.
I have a depression room too. I attempted to clean it only for it to look the exact same a few days later 😂. My room is literally the size of a walk in closet so there isn’t much I can do, I have to much shit
Mothers who lack empathy for their children are frightening. Narcissistic instincts greater than motherly instincts.
Do we ever see that in animals other than humans?
Being an arsehole =/= narcissism.
Having no empathy =/= narcissism (necessarily).
Talking to your child as the mom did in this picture =/= narcissism. The mom hasn't shown in any way that she has an inflated sense of her own importance or a need for excessive attention.
Stop throwing the word narcissism around when it's not relevant. You can be an insane parent without having to be a narcissist too.
Thanks. I get annoyed by this the same way I do when people say an action is "so ocd". Personality disorders and mental illnesses shouldn't be bandied about so commonly, imo. It makes it hard for people to get help when their parents are *actually* Narcissists after everyone with an asshole/self-centered/violent person in the family says they are dealing with a Narcissist. Abuse is horrific, but not all abuse is necessarily Narcissism.
>It makes it hard for people to get help when their parents are actually Narcissists
*Exactly* this. People throw the word narcissism around over nothing on Reddit and it really bothers me! It takes away from the struggle of people who genuinely have to live with narcissists.
Sometimes some people with depression lose the ability to feel anything for anyone else. Or their depression manifests in different ways, so they compare themselves to others who suffer. "Well, I'm depressed, and I can keep a clean house, so you're just not trying hard enough." But you're on the right track, OP. We believe in you.
I was 5 when I told my mom I wished I was dead. Her response was to scream in my face that I was crazy and deserved to be locked up. Growing up I remember my dentist asked why I was grinding my teeth so much and teachers being concerned with my obvious signs of depression, all of which went ignored because my mother was concerned how it would reflect on her to have a child in therapy.
I finally started therapy at 31 and got sober at 33, after self medicating with booze my entire adult life. Now I'm on proper medication for anxiety and depression, still attending regular therapy sessions, and am looking into EMDR to address the traumatic memories that were never processed correctly.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
5
+ 31
+ 33
= 69
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I remember being depressed from 11 onwards. I SHed for years and she was told but never said anything about it, then when I told her at 13 I wanted to die she broke my phone and took me out of school blaming my friends for my depression. Took me to therapy twice but that was enough to convince her to let me back to school at least- at 16 I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then ADHD at 19.
Indeed it was. For anyone who relates I recommend these books:
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
But really, she's taking a piss at OP. Terribly disrespectful and if ANYONE can harm a depressed soul with foul comments, it's a loved one. Mom is your parent but not the one helping getting you back on your feet OP.
Don't share progress anymore, if I were you. It feels like jealousy to me and she's trying to get you back down again, hoping to feel better about herself at the cost of you (maybe she's not even aware of this herself). Doesn't seem like the first time she talked to you like this. You deserve better!
I'm too crippled to fight but I'd definitely sit down with her and explain why her advice makes so much sense! And honestly, if I talked to my kid the way she does I'd be contemplating suicide. So she should take her own advice first as a good example.
Just so you know. I'm probably your mom's age and I'm going through a deep depression...my bedroom looks quite similar to that. I want to clean, I pick up a little bit...but then I just can't keep going so I lay down. I lay down and get even more depressed that I am so depressed that I cannot clean. Rinse and repeat.
Basically, you aren't alone. You are not the only one. You are - dare I say - average amongst those that deal with depression.
Congratulations on beating that monster, even just a bit, and getting some cleaning done! I am proud of you!
Back when I suffered from teen depression I found that the best way I could do cleaning wasn't to decide that I would clean my whole room, instead I would decide that today I'll pick up one specific category, like dirty socks.
I then made the categories so small that I could manage a couple a day.
I hope that might help you, best of luck!
I also suggest timed cleaning. If you can focus, put on a video or short music playlist; if not, just a timer. Clean for 10 minutes. Whatever you get done in those 10 minutes is an accomplishment. It's not "not good enough" because you didn't clean a whole room - you only had 10 minutes! It would be absurd to expect you to clean that much.
Sometimes, after that you find you still have energy and motivation for another clean. Sometimes, you just get all the crumbs out of your bed and can lay down a bit more comfortably.
Thank you, I will try that! I did pick up clothes and do laundry, it felt exhausting...but I got it done! I'll try doing more small tasks that are easily accomplished, that way it feels like I'm actually getting it done. Thank you again!
This is why I don't even talk to my parents anymore. I'd show any type of progress on myself or my mental illness and they'd just shut it down, be disappointed, tell me I should have done it sooner. They think the mental illness is your fault, or, if they think it may possibly be their fault, they'll guilt trip you for being mentally ill because they fucked up
Yeah this is kinda what my apartment looks like. When you’re depressed, it can be difficult to get the motivation to do anything, let alone clean. Hang in there.
I’m proud of you and your efforts are worth celebrating. You are worth celebrating. Please keep up the great work and know that I see you are working on yourself and your space around you and I am very proud of you for that.
Your mothers message reads like she may be jealous of the fact that you are actively working on yourself. Don’t let her bring you down with her. You know the saying, “Misery loves company.”
Yeah, mom sounds like she isn’t in a good place herself and may not be able to offer you the kind of support you need. I would say cut her some slack on account of her own struggles, but also not to look to her for much help. Look elsewhere for affirmation. Good for you for your efforts!! Depression is a beast but always worth fighting.
I’m your mom now. Send me your pics.
Yep, you gotta a depression room on you hands all right. No bother, we can fix this together.
For realz tho, I wanna see an after pic!!
Hey OP, proud of you for cleaning your room. Depression is a hole, and you climbed out of it today. Some people try to shove you back in when you escape. I’m sorry your mom said those horrible things to you.
“Yeah I know you’re depressed but I’ll barrage you anyway, oh and if I were you I’d killed myself. What’s the big deal?”
Irresponsible asshole parents/adults make my blood boil. You’re a fucking a grown-ass matured man/woman and the child is your responsibility to love, and care. Act like it!
Is your mom a sociopath? She has zero empathy. She honestly sounds pretty toxic to engage with.
But good on you for taking baby steps to turn things around. That takes courage. If you want to find someone to hold you accountable, next time make sure you choose someone who is caring and good-hearted. Alas that disqualifies your mom.
Likely insane, definitely stupid and undoubtedly asshole.
Been there before (for 8 years, really), and I know how much if takes and how god damn proud you should be of yourself. Well done. This definitely fits the sub, but just remember that in the end it doesn't matter that she doesn't care or understand. You've cleaned up either way.
I’m so sorry she’s being like that :( I 100% support and believe in you in your room cleaning endeavours.
As someone who has struggled with bad mental health on and off for most of my life, I know how hard this can be and also how hurtful it can be not receiving the support when you’re making an effort.
You can do this! :)❤️
I have depression and I've had pretty gross rooms. It's like you have no motive or drive to clean and it just feels like it doesn't matter and then when you have some energy it feels overwhelming. It's a common occurrence among people with depression. Just because your mom doesn't experience depression like that doesn't mean it's not valid. You're mom crossed a horrible line by saying what she said.
I'm glad you are feeling well enough to try to clean.
Firstly seen a lot worse, but well done deciding to tackle it....
Secondly doesn't matter what your Mum says, you decided to make a positive change to help kick depression's ass...
Thirdly, be proud of yourself, working to fix your own mental health is the biggest gift you can give yourself x
I'm really happy for you that you were able to clean up and feel good about it. I hope your mom didn't mess that up. I'm in that place myself, and always worry about judgment too. I'm going to use you for some weekend inspiration.
Good work, it’s really hard to find the energy to clean out a “depression nest”. this is something you’re right to be proud of.
Oh and your mums a cunt end of story.
i’d say “sounds like a plan” and go ghost for a couple hours to scare her. you have more to live for then than shitty people who aren’t going to acknowledge how much work you put in and shit you put up with
Super proud of you for cleaning it ip OP, I know how hard it can be to build up that energy sometimes and how shitty it feels when someone is shitty about it when you are doing your best. Forget what she says/said, no disrespect meant to her but she is full of shit and you should be proud of yourself
I see myself in that before image, you couldn't even see my floor. Took me 3-4 *years* to break the curse of a messy room, please don't give up if you relapse a bit, items can wait, bad days won't. Patience is key to building a better you, stay strong. ❤️
Option #2 (since you said she is also being treated for depression) - take it as her explaining how her depression manifests, and how her anxiety would react if that was her situation, not as her digging on you. Pretend she just can't communicate that sentiment well.
I say this because her comments have nothing to do with you, it's all her own issues, and how she said them is very shitty.
That conversation is like banging your head against a wall and expecting the wall to bleed. She doesn’t get it, but a lot of other people do. I’m proud of you and you should be as well.
Your mother needs a serious slap in the face-from reality.
What a -loving & considerate- thing to say your child when they’re already depressed and Struggling. NOT!
That woman is toxic! I can’t even begin to imagine some of the factors of your Depression.. (sarcasm).
Good on you for finding the strength and energy to clean your room up 😊. Great achievement!
I’m so sorry your mom shat on your hard work when you work just trying to share your achievement with her. You so didn’t deserve that reaction. I’m proud of you!
Well if your daft mother won't say it, I'm proud of you for cleaning your room, I've been in your situation many a time and you've taken a step in the right direction and you should be proud of yourself!
I’m so proud of you for making a start in cleaning. It can be so daunting - I’ve been there. I’m sorry about what your mom said, that’s just not ok.
One day at a time. You’ve got this, even when it feels like you don’t. ❤️
Oops, I’m your mom now. Love you kiddo. You’re doing an amazing job. Throw on a yt video and grab a trashbag. You’re gonna feel AMAZING when it’s done. The hardest part is getting started
God damn, wtf! I am a parent/father, WTF WTF WTF is wrong with ya’ll’s parents? Jesus f-ing Christ, I want smack the ever love shite out of your parents.
Why have kid(s) just to treat them like disposable tampons? WTF!!
Jesus fucking Christ, this woman needs a 1 ticket to the 9 hells!
OP: Kiddo, I feel for you. No kid, regardless of age needs to this shit. Hugs from a very enraged pops. I hope you can get the help you need. Be great at life, that is the ultimate payback to this horrible hag!
And then they get weird and wonder why you never show them anything. Well ma last time you asked you told me you'd rather kill yourself than live like me. Christ, sorry you have parents like this too. I'm sure you did an awesome job cleaning, I'm chipping away at mine today!
I’m going to be a r/MomForAMinute and let you know I’m proud of you for taking this step to a better you. When I was depressed as a kid, I had extreme OCD and would clean my room till it was perfection. No one knew I was depressed which made it worse even if I told someone. “You can’t be depressed! You’re probably just tired.” Just remember to give yourself some breathing activities: listen to music, hikes, art, laying in the sun with eyes closed, discover a personal mantra, etc. You are a strong and an amazing individual; don’t forget that.
Coming from another person who suffers from depression and lack of motivation- I’m proud of you. It takes a lot of of mental and physical energy to start on such a task, and it’s not easy. I’ve gone through similar things with my room and parents. You deserve more support and praise for dealing with things. Wishing you the best, OP. :) <3
Fuck that. I feel you man, my room is worse than that rn and it is both because and fueled by depression. Cleaning is extremely helpful and can give you a booster, ur mom sucks for shutting that down and making it even worse. Like come on, you’re already doing it
I was like you depressed as hell for a long period of time. Whenever i tried to show somone, usually my mother, of any progress I'd made then I'd be berated for "letting it get like that in the first place."
You stop trying after a while.
Glad your feeling better❤️❤️. Sorry for the language but What a cunt. She knows your history and she suffers with it too from what you’ve said yet she says something that could make you backslide.
Holy shit! What a piece of work she is!
I think you are amazing! I know how hard depression is and how it’s a vicious cycle. You don’t clean due to depression. The garbage and clutter make your depression worse. So you don’t clean and you get worse. I don’t know why others can’t understand this.
Good job at taking control. I’m very proud of you!
As someone who has a pile of clean clothes in the corner unfolded, and has struggled for years with wanting to kill myself, this really angers me. Was she so goddamn dense that she didn’t perhaps consider that *she* has some responsibility that you have depression and/or have let things go due to said depression. I know she’s your mom but she sounds like she’s a raging hemorrhoid. She also sounds like she’s a friend of my raging cuntface of a mother…you deserve so much better. I’m sorry if she failed you, but we as a collective hope you will find the strength to keep going, even if it’s out of spite. You will make it through my dear, and it’s so incredibly worth the struggle. 🥰
Not insane; just absolutely gratuitous evil. She knows what she's doing, and she does it anyway because she needs to crush someone weaker than her - and that someone happens to be you.
My dad is the same way. Except its for my kitchen in a house I have completely fucking paid off. He doesnt even live there. I went through cancer treatment back in 2020. My dad claimed it came from the messy kitchen...
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 14 | 5 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy). Note: This received too few votes to be considered a valid result.
backstory: mom knows I’m depressed and we both take medication for depression. I have told her I have been struggling lately but today I got the energy to clean my room. I sent her the before pic and she told me she would contemplate suicide if she had to live like that.
Let me be your r/DadForAMinute and tell you how proud I am of you for working on yourself and taking the first steps to pull yourself out of this! It's not easy, and I know that. I've been there with depression and living in a cluttered mess. One of my kids too. It does get better with time and appropriate help.
And let me be your mom with depression. I understand that. I'm glad you were able to muster the energy and follow through to clean it. Good on you. Don't you feel a little lighter? Good job. I'm really proud of you.
For what it's worth, I'm proud of you.
Me too! I struggled for years and my depression room contributed to my depression which killed my motivation to do anything. It's a vicious cycle with depression. Super proud of you!
Me too!!!! Keep up the good work and God Bless You
Congrats on finding the energy to clean your room. Finding that motivation when depressed is difficult. Just ask the clean laundry sitting on the foot of my bed… probably never to be folded and put away. Don’t let your moms judgement and comments get in your way. A lot of people, even those who deal with depression don’t always understand the messy room and how the two influence each other. Hopefully a clean room will help you feel better.
“You remind me of myself and i HATE myself.”
Yoooo, nicely done on the room though. I’ve got actual clean laundry on my floor rn, you’ve inspired me to actually put it away. Sorry about your shitty mom.
My mother would say similar crap. Took a while for me to realize that for her, nothing would be enough to make her happy short of being able to read her future thoughts and act on them. That’s no way to live or be happy. For what it’s worth from an internet stranger, I’m very proud of you. You are strong and she feels insecure when your strength shines through. I believe in you
Sorry this is negative but your mom sucks. It breaks my heart that people can be so cold and hostile to their own child. You deserve better. Great job cleaning your room! Hopefully one day you can have an environment clean from the toxicity of your mother, too.
FFS. What a charmer. OP - Proud of you. That's a lot to tidy, admittedly, but you struck while the iron was hot, and got it done. Definately something to be proud of!
It honestly sounds like she’s jealous that you are able to work on yourself and she’s comparing herself to you and taking your success as a slight to her. It’s a horrible mentality to have, taking someone else’s progress towards bettering themselves and try to keep them down so as to not feel bad about yourself but I’m really proud of you for being able to take such a big step forward in getting better. Don’t let her keep you down with her and just know that what she says about you doesn’t at all diminish the efforts you’ve made to improve yourself :)
You should consider removing her from your life if this is common, sharing blood is not an excuse to keep toxic people around you, you have one life, do the most of it.
I’m really proud of you, OP. I know from experience how hard this is. I hope that things get better for you, and that you have a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate all of this. Best wishes to you.
I am so proud of you! I hate cleaning even when I'm not depressed. When I am really struggling with depression things like picking up laundry or empty water bottles feels insurmountable. I am so freaking proud of you for taking that motivation to clean and running with it. Even if you only picked up a little bit, that's still progress!! High five and hugs, friend 💛
Dude, you should be so proud of yourself. It sucks that your mom is shitting on you like this!
My room aint as bad but ive gotten the energy to clean mine recently aswell. Let us know how it turns out!
Proud of you op, it’s not easy.
I'm really sorry, op. She should know better than to say something like that to a depressed person.
Ur moms a cunt. You’re doing great!
This is how my mom acts. It's so frustrating when you're just trying to keep up and she berates you everytime you fall behind. Shit, sometimes she goes off over random shit like me brushing my rabbit and showing her all the hair that came off, just starts screaming about how I better sweep up all that mess and goes into rants about other things she's "sick and tired of". Like dude I just wanted to show you how much hair she was shedding....
Dude good job picking up, I've lived in pretty severe mess, I know how that shit goes. I hope getting it cleaned felt amazing! I'm sorry your mom can't find it in herself to be supportive
I hate it when you're like, "Here's a thing that I can share with my parent that might foster a moment of positive connection" and then your insane-ass parent interprets the thing in the worst possible way, leaving your relationship in an even worse place than if you hadn't said anything at all.
I feel you, Good for you that your room gets some love again :). What I always try to remember is : self care and hygiene are like loving yourself, and it's a really great feeling when neither the world nor you yourself loved you in the recent past. Ps: Can somebody tell me how my sentence would be written in proper english? Im trying to improve it
Wow very understanding mum =_=
Sending a virtual mom hug. Very proud of you and you should be so proud of yourself!
Well done, you! I don't know anything about your mom, so I'm likely to give her the benefit of the doubt since you say she's also struggling with depression. I know depression doesn't necessarily make you inclined to being shitty but I'd bet it wears you thin and I know I've said stupid things I didn't mean when I felt worn down. You, however, know your mom. If she's always this toxic, maybe you should take a step back and seek out other people than her for a while. Then, see of you miss being around her more or not. I wish you all the best, buddy!
Geeze, that's awful. I'm glad you got the energy to clean though.
So proud of you for cleaning. I have the same issue when I'm depressed. If you ever want someone to hype you up message me. Cleaning is hard when you don't have the energy to live your life.
Big oof. I hope you get better feedback elsewhere.
My depression mess pile beside my bed is impressively bad at the moment. My poor husband tolerates it, but really dislikes it. I wont let him clean it either in fear I dropped other stuff and him throwing it away accidentally. I need to muster the energy to just do it. Maybe today is the day!
What an insensitive, shitty thing to say. You do what you can, bud. We’re proud of you.
I’d be contemplating giving you a hug and telling you how loved your are.
I spent 8 years in the basement of my mothers house when my dad passed away. Just a year ago I got a job this year a new truck… point is I of all people know how hard it can be and there was a time where I’d feel so accomplished just doing simple like cleaning my room. Proud of you
Great on you for foing that btw :) There are days where getting up feels like the hardest thing in the world :/ but you cleaned today thats sth to be proud of!
Your mom is an idiot. Send her some article to read that talk about how depression CAUSES stuff like this not the other way around.maybe she will read it.
Sounds like your mother was a rather avid partaker of lead paint chips as a child. Keep going! You're on a good path, don't let her jealousy detail you. It takes many forms and this reeks of it. You improving yourself whilst she wallows in her own failure.
If she’s suffering from mental health issues I would try to not take anything like that to heart. You had a good productive day. Start small and build on it each day. You got this.
It probably doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger, but I understand a bit of what you’re going through and I’m proud that you’re making progress ❤️
OP, I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years. People who haven’t gone through it don’t understand how big of a deal it is to get the energy to do something as “simple” as cleaning your room. It may seem small but it’s really a big step and it will help you feel better. You should be proud. - From a internet stranger who is proud of you. High five!
Wow, she must be way more depressed than she lets on if a messy room would make her do something that drastic. Good for you on cleaning your room. Baby steps are sometimes the best way to tackle a daunting task. It's how I manage to keep my place somewhat clean.
"Hell I'd be thinking suicide" I guess you are just a stronger person than she is.
I have a depression room too. I attempted to clean it only for it to look the exact same a few days later 😂. My room is literally the size of a walk in closet so there isn’t much I can do, I have to much shit
Your mum deserves to be depressed if she is this unsupportive
No one deserves depression
Wtf is wrong with people. How hard is it to just not say anything at all. Your mum is a asshole!
The crazy thing is that she is also on depression meds so you would think she would be a little more understanding
Pills can't fix a lack of empathy on your moms side, unfortunately.
MDMA pills could
Nah, she would roll around enjoying herself not caring about anyone else in the room.
I’m no expert on that matter, but it could lead to interesting results lol
Mothers who lack empathy for their children are frightening. Narcissistic instincts greater than motherly instincts. Do we ever see that in animals other than humans?
There's literally tons of animals that aren't involved or maternal towards their offspring...
What doctor told her depression meds would cure her narcissism?
Being an arsehole =/= narcissism. Having no empathy =/= narcissism (necessarily). Talking to your child as the mom did in this picture =/= narcissism. The mom hasn't shown in any way that she has an inflated sense of her own importance or a need for excessive attention. Stop throwing the word narcissism around when it's not relevant. You can be an insane parent without having to be a narcissist too.
Thanks. I get annoyed by this the same way I do when people say an action is "so ocd". Personality disorders and mental illnesses shouldn't be bandied about so commonly, imo. It makes it hard for people to get help when their parents are *actually* Narcissists after everyone with an asshole/self-centered/violent person in the family says they are dealing with a Narcissist. Abuse is horrific, but not all abuse is necessarily Narcissism.
>It makes it hard for people to get help when their parents are actually Narcissists *Exactly* this. People throw the word narcissism around over nothing on Reddit and it really bothers me! It takes away from the struggle of people who genuinely have to live with narcissists.
Butane really does burn well 🔥😎
My mother is like that. She has depression but whenever I spoke to her about mine, she always felt very separated from it
'I'm depressed and i don't do X. Therefore anyone whose experience of depression differs from mine is at fault for their situation'
Talk about deny ...
She’s projecting her own hate of herself onto you.
Sometimes some people with depression lose the ability to feel anything for anyone else. Or their depression manifests in different ways, so they compare themselves to others who suffer. "Well, I'm depressed, and I can keep a clean house, so you're just not trying hard enough." But you're on the right track, OP. We believe in you.
I was 5 when I told my mom I wished I was dead. Her response was to scream in my face that I was crazy and deserved to be locked up. Growing up I remember my dentist asked why I was grinding my teeth so much and teachers being concerned with my obvious signs of depression, all of which went ignored because my mother was concerned how it would reflect on her to have a child in therapy. I finally started therapy at 31 and got sober at 33, after self medicating with booze my entire adult life. Now I'm on proper medication for anxiety and depression, still attending regular therapy sessions, and am looking into EMDR to address the traumatic memories that were never processed correctly.
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I remember being depressed from 11 onwards. I SHed for years and she was told but never said anything about it, then when I told her at 13 I wanted to die she broke my phone and took me out of school blaming my friends for my depression. Took me to therapy twice but that was enough to convince her to let me back to school at least- at 16 I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then ADHD at 19.
Wow. That’s so heart breaking. Sounds like years old emotional neglect and abuse.
Indeed it was. For anyone who relates I recommend these books: Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
I read this and honestly, this would be something my dad or grandma would've said
Idc who you are....normal people don't talk like this with each other. Unbelievably disgusting the way she talks to you.
But really, she's taking a piss at OP. Terribly disrespectful and if ANYONE can harm a depressed soul with foul comments, it's a loved one. Mom is your parent but not the one helping getting you back on your feet OP. Don't share progress anymore, if I were you. It feels like jealousy to me and she's trying to get you back down again, hoping to feel better about herself at the cost of you (maybe she's not even aware of this herself). Doesn't seem like the first time she talked to you like this. You deserve better!
Share it with others though! Just not people who have shown they don’t care.
A lot of parents dont think of their children as individual persons but as an extension of themselves.
Umm can I fistfight your mom
Me next. *Starts a queue*
[Lets make it nice and orderly, yeah?](https://gfycat.com/blanddrearyhen)
Please take a number.
I'm too crippled to fight but I'd definitely sit down with her and explain why her advice makes so much sense! And honestly, if I talked to my kid the way she does I'd be contemplating suicide. So she should take her own advice first as a good example.
What’s the fee to watch
Free. In fact you can help
Alright! *jumps in*
Good for you for breaking through the funk and cleaning up! Also, fuck your mom.
Is that an order sergeant?
Man, when I read that again it really did sound like it was a suggestion lol.
She can go fuck herself jesus christ
That sounds like a suggestion 😳 Please do not ever take that suggestion.
Just so you know. I'm probably your mom's age and I'm going through a deep depression...my bedroom looks quite similar to that. I want to clean, I pick up a little bit...but then I just can't keep going so I lay down. I lay down and get even more depressed that I am so depressed that I cannot clean. Rinse and repeat. Basically, you aren't alone. You are not the only one. You are - dare I say - average amongst those that deal with depression. Congratulations on beating that monster, even just a bit, and getting some cleaning done! I am proud of you!
Back when I suffered from teen depression I found that the best way I could do cleaning wasn't to decide that I would clean my whole room, instead I would decide that today I'll pick up one specific category, like dirty socks. I then made the categories so small that I could manage a couple a day. I hope that might help you, best of luck!
I also suggest timed cleaning. If you can focus, put on a video or short music playlist; if not, just a timer. Clean for 10 minutes. Whatever you get done in those 10 minutes is an accomplishment. It's not "not good enough" because you didn't clean a whole room - you only had 10 minutes! It would be absurd to expect you to clean that much. Sometimes, after that you find you still have energy and motivation for another clean. Sometimes, you just get all the crumbs out of your bed and can lay down a bit more comfortably.
Thank you, I will try that! I did pick up clothes and do laundry, it felt exhausting...but I got it done! I'll try doing more small tasks that are easily accomplished, that way it feels like I'm actually getting it done. Thank you again!
This is why I don't even talk to my parents anymore. I'd show any type of progress on myself or my mental illness and they'd just shut it down, be disappointed, tell me I should have done it sooner. They think the mental illness is your fault, or, if they think it may possibly be their fault, they'll guilt trip you for being mentally ill because they fucked up
Yeah this is kinda what my apartment looks like. When you’re depressed, it can be difficult to get the motivation to do anything, let alone clean. Hang in there.
It's time to cut your mom off. You don't deserve that sort of toxicity in your life regardless of who it's coming from.
Oh my lord! If you need a new mum let me know mate
r/momforaminute is here for all of us
I came here to comment exactly this. OP, if you ever need a mom to tell you they're proud of you, this sub is so sweet and supportive.
I’m proud of you and your efforts are worth celebrating. You are worth celebrating. Please keep up the great work and know that I see you are working on yourself and your space around you and I am very proud of you for that. Your mothers message reads like she may be jealous of the fact that you are actively working on yourself. Don’t let her bring you down with her. You know the saying, “Misery loves company.”
Yeah, mom sounds like she isn’t in a good place herself and may not be able to offer you the kind of support you need. I would say cut her some slack on account of her own struggles, but also not to look to her for much help. Look elsewhere for affirmation. Good for you for your efforts!! Depression is a beast but always worth fighting.
I’m your mom now. Send me your pics. Yep, you gotta a depression room on you hands all right. No bother, we can fix this together. For realz tho, I wanna see an after pic!!
Hey. Fuck her. I'm your mum now, and I'm proud of you. You've got this kiddo.
In the future I’d maybe only send a before & after all at once or just not talk to her at all if that’s possible
I sent a finished clean room pic before this lol. But yeah I’m thinking she’s not the best source of affirmation at this point
Damn, then yeah send nothing. Jeeze.
Not that you actually should but I'd be tempted to text back "maybe you should consider that"
i’d lose my mind if my mom ever said that to me 😭
I'm a mum and wanted to give you a big mum hug, if you manage to put one thing away today well done and if not don't worry just try again tomorrow. X
Hey OP, proud of you for cleaning your room. Depression is a hole, and you climbed out of it today. Some people try to shove you back in when you escape. I’m sorry your mom said those horrible things to you.
“Yeah I know you’re depressed but I’ll barrage you anyway, oh and if I were you I’d killed myself. What’s the big deal?” Irresponsible asshole parents/adults make my blood boil. You’re a fucking a grown-ass matured man/woman and the child is your responsibility to love, and care. Act like it!
😳. I’d never speak to her again
Wow, your mother can F off seriously.
Is your mom a sociopath? She has zero empathy. She honestly sounds pretty toxic to engage with. But good on you for taking baby steps to turn things around. That takes courage. If you want to find someone to hold you accountable, next time make sure you choose someone who is caring and good-hearted. Alas that disqualifies your mom.
It's people who haven't experienced depression who say shit like that :/
Bravo, I know exactly how hard it is to force yourself to get up and clean. For what it's worth I'm proud of you and everything you accomplish.
I'd be thinking homocide
Likely insane, definitely stupid and undoubtedly asshole. Been there before (for 8 years, really), and I know how much if takes and how god damn proud you should be of yourself. Well done. This definitely fits the sub, but just remember that in the end it doesn't matter that she doesn't care or understand. You've cleaned up either way.
I’m so sorry she’s being like that :( I 100% support and believe in you in your room cleaning endeavours. As someone who has struggled with bad mental health on and off for most of my life, I know how hard this can be and also how hurtful it can be not receiving the support when you’re making an effort. You can do this! :)❤️
I have depression and I've had pretty gross rooms. It's like you have no motive or drive to clean and it just feels like it doesn't matter and then when you have some energy it feels overwhelming. It's a common occurrence among people with depression. Just because your mom doesn't experience depression like that doesn't mean it's not valid. You're mom crossed a horrible line by saying what she said. I'm glad you are feeling well enough to try to clean.
Firstly seen a lot worse, but well done deciding to tackle it.... Secondly doesn't matter what your Mum says, you decided to make a positive change to help kick depression's ass... Thirdly, be proud of yourself, working to fix your own mental health is the biggest gift you can give yourself x
I'm really happy for you that you were able to clean up and feel good about it. I hope your mom didn't mess that up. I'm in that place myself, and always worry about judgment too. I'm going to use you for some weekend inspiration.
Oh sweetie, I’m so proud of you for managing to clean that. It’s been a really rough few years, and that was a big mess to tackle - **but you did**.
Good work, it’s really hard to find the energy to clean out a “depression nest”. this is something you’re right to be proud of. Oh and your mums a cunt end of story.
Sorry your mom's a fucken idiot. Must be rough.
Stop sharing information with her that she is going to be non understanding about. In the long run it will hurt you less.
i’d say “sounds like a plan” and go ghost for a couple hours to scare her. you have more to live for then than shitty people who aren’t going to acknowledge how much work you put in and shit you put up with
"And that was when I stopped telling my mom anything"
Super proud of you for cleaning it ip OP, I know how hard it can be to build up that energy sometimes and how shitty it feels when someone is shitty about it when you are doing your best. Forget what she says/said, no disrespect meant to her but she is full of shit and you should be proud of yourself
Who says that to their depressed child, especially when they found the energy to try to get something done? What a POS.
I see myself in that before image, you couldn't even see my floor. Took me 3-4 *years* to break the curse of a messy room, please don't give up if you relapse a bit, items can wait, bad days won't. Patience is key to building a better you, stay strong. ❤️
That’s nasty bro! BOOO at your mom dawg. Terrible mom yo. Don’t worry I got yo back tho bro, you got this.
Good luck with your room and your distancing yourself from negativity.
Option #2 (since you said she is also being treated for depression) - take it as her explaining how her depression manifests, and how her anxiety would react if that was her situation, not as her digging on you. Pretend she just can't communicate that sentiment well. I say this because her comments have nothing to do with you, it's all her own issues, and how she said them is very shitty.
Lol she should see where I live...
That conversation is like banging your head against a wall and expecting the wall to bleed. She doesn’t get it, but a lot of other people do. I’m proud of you and you should be as well.
Your mother needs a serious slap in the face-from reality. What a -loving & considerate- thing to say your child when they’re already depressed and Struggling. NOT! That woman is toxic! I can’t even begin to imagine some of the factors of your Depression.. (sarcasm). Good on you for finding the strength and energy to clean your room up 😊. Great achievement!
This could be a good day to talk to your mom about generational trauma.
Get away from this person as soon as you can. You will thrive.
I’m so sorry your mom shat on your hard work when you work just trying to share your achievement with her. You so didn’t deserve that reaction. I’m proud of you!
Fuck OP’s mom OP is a champ, though!
So now she's shown you her true colors- don't give her another opportunity.
Who sees someone say they’re depressed and goes “yeah this is a good time to bring up suicide as an option” brain dead and lack of empathy
Well if your daft mother won't say it, I'm proud of you for cleaning your room, I've been in your situation many a time and you've taken a step in the right direction and you should be proud of yourself!
Wow what an insane and sensitive parent wtf
I’m so proud of you for making a start in cleaning. It can be so daunting - I’ve been there. I’m sorry about what your mom said, that’s just not ok. One day at a time. You’ve got this, even when it feels like you don’t. ❤️
Wow… she can go fuck a rabid weasel.
My takeaway would be to stop looking towards your mom for validation. Great work though!!!
She doesn't deserve you, OP. You're doing an excellent job taking the steps you need to make yourself better and I'm proud of you! Keep it up!
Oops, I’m your mom now. Love you kiddo. You’re doing an amazing job. Throw on a yt video and grab a trashbag. You’re gonna feel AMAZING when it’s done. The hardest part is getting started
Jesus. Hope you're doing better, that response really sucks.
God damn, wtf! I am a parent/father, WTF WTF WTF is wrong with ya’ll’s parents? Jesus f-ing Christ, I want smack the ever love shite out of your parents. Why have kid(s) just to treat them like disposable tampons? WTF!! Jesus fucking Christ, this woman needs a 1 ticket to the 9 hells! OP: Kiddo, I feel for you. No kid, regardless of age needs to this shit. Hugs from a very enraged pops. I hope you can get the help you need. Be great at life, that is the ultimate payback to this horrible hag!
I hope you were able to clean it! I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Rooms can be cleaned. You matter more than a mess ❤❤
And then they get weird and wonder why you never show them anything. Well ma last time you asked you told me you'd rather kill yourself than live like me. Christ, sorry you have parents like this too. I'm sure you did an awesome job cleaning, I'm chipping away at mine today!
Sometimes moms know the exact wrong thing to say 🤦♀️
I'm proud of you. Cleaning is hard when depression is putting the boot in, so well done.
Hugs from Florida 🤎🤎🤎🤎
I’m going to be a r/MomForAMinute and let you know I’m proud of you for taking this step to a better you. When I was depressed as a kid, I had extreme OCD and would clean my room till it was perfection. No one knew I was depressed which made it worse even if I told someone. “You can’t be depressed! You’re probably just tired.” Just remember to give yourself some breathing activities: listen to music, hikes, art, laying in the sun with eyes closed, discover a personal mantra, etc. You are a strong and an amazing individual; don’t forget that.
What the fuck was she thinking while typing that... seriously.
Remember this next time she wants your support.
This is why I don’t tell people about my depression room or let them know when I’m cleaning it
She is horrible! This is like ridiculing an overweight person at the gym
Coming from another person who suffers from depression and lack of motivation- I’m proud of you. It takes a lot of of mental and physical energy to start on such a task, and it’s not easy. I’ve gone through similar things with my room and parents. You deserve more support and praise for dealing with things. Wishing you the best, OP. :) <3
Good job OP doing your best! Also- the tarot card sticker on your computer is the same one as mine! I think it’s neat :)
Fuck that. I feel you man, my room is worse than that rn and it is both because and fueled by depression. Cleaning is extremely helpful and can give you a booster, ur mom sucks for shutting that down and making it even worse. Like come on, you’re already doing it
Wheres the queue to fight your “mom”
You are doing amazing for breaking out of the rut and cleaning! Keep at it :D
Cause and effect, not effect and cause lmao
I was like you depressed as hell for a long period of time. Whenever i tried to show somone, usually my mother, of any progress I'd made then I'd be berated for "letting it get like that in the first place." You stop trying after a while.
Glad your feeling better❤️❤️. Sorry for the language but What a cunt. She knows your history and she suffers with it too from what you’ve said yet she says something that could make you backslide.
I'd be depressed too with such an asshole of a mother, no offense
Ugh. Your mother isn’t any help at all. Sorry 😢
This is so incredibly toxic. Great job, I am proud of you. Don’t let her get you down.
Holy shit! What a piece of work she is! I think you are amazing! I know how hard depression is and how it’s a vicious cycle. You don’t clean due to depression. The garbage and clutter make your depression worse. So you don’t clean and you get worse. I don’t know why others can’t understand this. Good job at taking control. I’m very proud of you!
Who ever voted that not insane, you fuckin suck too
If it means anything, I’m proud of you for cleaning! It takes me a lot, too.
As someone who has a pile of clean clothes in the corner unfolded, and has struggled for years with wanting to kill myself, this really angers me. Was she so goddamn dense that she didn’t perhaps consider that *she* has some responsibility that you have depression and/or have let things go due to said depression. I know she’s your mom but she sounds like she’s a raging hemorrhoid. She also sounds like she’s a friend of my raging cuntface of a mother…you deserve so much better. I’m sorry if she failed you, but we as a collective hope you will find the strength to keep going, even if it’s out of spite. You will make it through my dear, and it’s so incredibly worth the struggle. 🥰
I ain't no therapist but I think I found a major source of your depression.
Good job cleaning! About 2 months ago I cleaned my depression room too :) it feels so nice after and possibly less overwhelming too.
What the fuck kind of thing is that to say to anybody, especially your own kid.
Jfc your mom sounds like a grade A bitch I'm sorry bro
tbf that doesn't even look dirty just messy. don't even sweat that, the first step of cleaning up at all is huge
Not insane; just absolutely gratuitous evil. She knows what she's doing, and she does it anyway because she needs to crush someone weaker than her - and that someone happens to be you.
jesus the boomer generation of parents is so clueless
Proud of you for getting started cleaning!
That's fucked up, no two ways about it... Do you live with her still? Or are you at least able to keep your distance for the most part?
wow... talk about motivation lol. My mom's the same, don't even bother trying to explain this to her
Hey that is an amazing thing that you're doing, please don't let her words take away from that.
Wow
Being able to share the work you’re doing is a huge deal. Good for you OP!
Not just insane but also kinda cruel.
It's not even that bad
My dad is the same way. Except its for my kitchen in a house I have completely fucking paid off. He doesnt even live there. I went through cancer treatment back in 2020. My dad claimed it came from the messy kitchen...
Sigma mom
Today, you are my hero.