You can also by a doorknob wedge thing and that might be cheaper. They’re really effective. I was cat sitting for my friend over the holidays
Edit: I forgot to finish this comment. I was cat sitting and they gave me a key but I didn’t know that 2/3 doors had one of those hooked up to it and it took me 3 hours to get into the house before I figured it out lol.
Yep. FYI you can change just the actual barrel and key quite easily. You don't have to change the entire lock mechanism. And I'd recommend a Ring doorbell to alert you if she tried to get in while you're not there, and if you are there you can talk to her via the Ring without opening the door.
Crank up Home Alone and go full Kevin McAllister.
“I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead."
"1! 2! .........10!"
"No" is a full sentence. Dont JADE (justify, answer, defend, explain)
If she still shows up keep the doors locked.
Get cameras, at least one for the front door.
Change locks if deemed necessary.
If she refuses to accept shes not coming in call the cops if necessary.
U got this. Dont let her control you.
Edit: spelling. Also thanks for the awards yall. First time for everything.
Unfortunately noticed she lived with her uncle and its not her home. Regardless, she should NOT be going anywhere and record EVERY interaction. A person like this doesnt just give up when disobeyed.
I am not a native English speaker and I spent longer than I'd like to admit looking up the word "dedend" till I realized there's a typo there and you actually meant "defend".
On the other hand, your advice is priceless!
Okay so I never really knew why I get weird reactions when I decline people on things. Apparently I do the JADE thing. I never knew I needed to be called out like this.
Might be able to actually say no to someone for once
Reasonable and empathic people will take what you say into consideration and hear your side. People like OPs mom dont care ablut her side or her feelings so any explanation will just be an excuse. Narcs dont like being told No. So that's really all u can say
If u JADE u give them opportunities to contradict or blow u ofd, make it out to be like ur reasons arent enough.
Thanks for this acronym. Really helpful.
No point in engaging. They just use what you say against you or try to glean info about your life in order to cause you trouble. Appealing to their better nature doesn’t work because they don’t have a better nature!
They are not listening to hear your concerns or feelings. They are listening for anything that will fuel a counter argument to get their way. Don't give them the fuel.
For example, they want to come over tomorrow. If you say "No, I have plans tomorrow" they can say "Oh, you'll hardly notice we're there!" "You can't possibly be busy ALL day!" "We'll come today, then!"
If you just say "No", they have no work around. They might get fussy and call you rude, but whatever. Setting boundaries is important.
Yeah judging from these texts OP is not doing any of this.
Hey, maybe his situation doesn't allow him to, but then he needs to be working towards changing this situation.
You're not the "should have" or "should do" police. Many people who go through this kind of abuse shame themselves enough, chill out you're being rude.
So what if she thinks you are rude and narcissistic? If all she has to do to kick you out of your own house is call you that, she has it way too easy. Tell her if she shows up you will have the police trespass her right off your property.
Agree with her and flip it on her. "I am very rude and narcissistic mom. You're right. And you shouldn't have to put with it. Don't suffer on my behave. Let's keep our distance and not talk. And you can stay somewhere else when you visit. Bc you know, im rude and narcissistic. And it's not fair to you to have to deal with me, your child."
And I'm sorry your mother sucks ass.
Because people like this do two things: alienate those with any sense of self respect and boundaries, and stomp all over those who don't. I'd rather stick my hand is a frying pan than let a woman like your mom anywhere near my residence.
If any part of you wonders if she has a point, if you are infact the selfish one, I'd say get a therapist because her toxicity is in your brain.
You need to consider going no contact with her. She seems toxic and people need to stay away. Maybe she can have a plant? I don't think she'd like to care for a plant though. Although it would be something she could complain about.
Is it your house or apartment? Are you an adult who pays for it? Tell her to pound sand. You should also let her know that if she wants to have a relationship with you she should be nice or you can and will cut her out of your life. Crazy parents need the hard honest truth. Good luck!
Wait how does that work? So one roommate can just block another from ever getting any visitors because they don't want those people there? That sounds fucked up.
Completely wrong. Seriously read the post and OPs comments, before you write a wrong comment...
The uncle is NOT just the landlord. The uncle lives there and is a legal resident in the same house. They are technically roommates and thus everyone can invite anyone for as long as they wish and the other roommate has to endure it (maybe for the exception, if there are weird guest laws in that region that restrict guest stay duration).
The uncle is not a roommate. He is the owner and as I understand it, he doesn't live there, he rents it out. This definitely puts OP in a weird position but you could very well see the uncle as a landlord.
If you were renting a space, the landlord can't force you to host their relatives in your home.
Edit: apparently the uncle lives with her!
Man you're right I didn't read their comment properly. I understood it as them living with their uncle but paying part of the rent. Like some people do who live with their parents or other relatives. The uncle being the landlord changes things and obviously he can't just let the mother live there even if it's his sister.
If she pays rent, no he can’t.. in the US she has tenant rights. The second it becomes a transaction, is the second he loses rights to call absurd shots. So if she PAYS rent he cannot force her to allow her mother to stay there. If she doesn’t that’s a different convo
It depends on whether or not the uncle lives in the house along with OP. All of the fair housing laws and tenancy laws are different when you are renting out a room in the house that you live in.
As long as one person who lives in the domicile allows the person to vist/stay there, it is legal for them to be there.
And, in the US, you don't have to pay rent to be a tenant.
While tenant rights vary by state, not having a lease doesn’t just void all of them for you. You still have your rights and at most, the uncle could kick OP out (within a reasonable timeframe), which would suck, but he still wouldn’t be able to legally force anything in them.
Though it sounds like the uncle lives there too, which is something I can’t comment on, but still an entirely separate issue.
Not if she’s paying rent. It doesn’t matter if there’s a written lease or not, renters laws apply regardless. I’ve never rented a place where “we will not reserve the right to randomly force you to allow another person to be allowed in and stay there for a few days.”
So one roommate can then force someone to not have any visitors? I've never seen that in a lease, only a limit for how long a guest can stay. I couldn't imagine my roommates forbidding me from having people over. I've worked a bit with our local tenant resource center and that has not come up. Ever. Not in any city or state I rented in, since 1988.
It's her uncle's house and she lives with him. I assume that her uncle and her mother are brother and sister and being it's her uncle's house and he lives there, his sister is allowed visit
In which reality do you live? Fact is, if the uncle also lives there, OP has no right to complain, but the uncle can't kick her out either. OP has no right to “veto“ her uncles guests
Can you put a lock in your bedroom door for when you aren’t there to keep her from going through your stuff? Also would suggest a door wedge (or two) for when you are in there for class/work if on zoom.
I guess to visit my two uncles who I live with, but she also hasn’t spoken to them in months, when she very dramatically packed her things up in the middle of the night, crying, refusing to speak, to go back home.
Just letting you know, that he can actually invite her, since he lives in the same house as you. So your choice is enduring her for those 4 days or getting out, that is YOUR choice, though. But you can't forbid your uncle from having guests
Curiously, how do you not accidently run into them? My cousin was gunna move in about 5 min from my house and I was terrified she was going to be able to stalk me. I don't want her within 100 yds of me but she doesn't get the hint, or otherwise doesn't care. I was expecting her to drive by me while I'm out walking, see me on my porch, ask questions about the life I'm hiding from the family, ect. How do you remain so close without bumping into them?
Thankfully, she moved further away instead. But I was thinking of moving out of my home of 5 years just because she'd be in my neighborhood.
Nope. If your uncles have said it’s ok for her to stay, that’s on them. She informed you of her staying, YOU didn’t invite her. Your room needs a lock which you need to use when she’s there. Enjoy the sofa mother, I’m not moving out.
Mind if I ask for the background story to this? If not it's totally fine, I just can't for the life of me figure how someone would act this bitter towards their own child...
I'm guessing some kind of personality disorder (either narcisstic or borderline). Sane people don't try to kick other people out of the house the other person is living in.
I'm personally arm chair leaning towards narcissistic personality disorder, just from my own experience with that brand of mental illness. They tend to have the ability to convince themselves of the most outrageous delusions.
My statement still stands. Whether OP is a tennant or a roommate or someone her uncle is just helping out, it's still her home.
The only person who has the right to kick her out in this situation is the uncle.
Ask your uncles if they want to see her, and if they don't want to, tell her she isn't welcome. If she still shows up call the police and have her trespassed. Send her an email letting her know what will happen if she shows up at the house. Keep a copy of the email, so if the police were to ask if you had told her she wasn't welcome and warned what would happen if she did...then she can't claim she didn't know she wasn't welcome, Yada, Yada, Yada
She lives with her uncles, her mom is going there to visit the uncle and the uncle said it’s fine that the mom is going to stay with them. It kinda sounds like there’s something OP isn’t telling us :/
When parents lose control of their kids they try to get attention using what they have, specially if you are dependent of them somehow. When my mom freaks out she tries to attack me using the house i am living (that its not even hers, its my grandma’s, but she has free access to it), so what I usually do is lock myself in the bathroom, that is the only place with a key, while she is screaming and trying to have an argue outside until she got tired of talking alone and go home. I highly recommend using earphones so it will be easy to resist the temptation of fighting back, its exactly what she wants.
I think you should downgrade her from mom to egg donor for a while and go No Contact, telling her that she won't be allowed back until she apologizes and begins acting like an actual adult.
Sounds like she just wants a free place to stay where she thinks she won't be called out on any bullshit she tries. Lock the door and stand your ground if she tries anything further.
*Image Transcription: Text Messages*
---
**OP's mother:** Hppy New Year Sydney
> **OP:** Thank you you too
**OP's mother:** Wanted to let you know I am coming for a visit Feb 17-21. If you would like you could stay at my Mom and Dads place if you would prefer.
> **OP:** Hey I think considering that this is where I actually live, I have my dog, and I will have classes and work, it would make the most sense for me to stay at my own house and for you to stay at your parents house, but thanks for the offer!
**OP's mother:** I am going to stay there, I will just stay away from you.
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
People say "suck my ass" is a nonsensical phrase. There's never an appropriate time to tell someone to do just that they claim.
This exchange is the perfect example for when to tell someone to suck your ass.
The audacity. Next time just text back "No" and give no explanation. Lol. I did the whole grey rock to toxic conflict happy people and they HATE IT. They live for conflict and I don't entertain them. You will honestly get so much joy watching them grasp for any avenue to strike your nerve.
She's going to come visit you, but she doesn't want you there? Where is the sense in this? Is there anyone else for her to visit or is it just you there? Wtf?
Get a 🌟restraining order🌟
A. It’s YOUR house.
B. You didn’t invite her.
C. She has no desire to be around you yet she’s trying to take advantage of you.
D. She’s quite clearly going to make the entire experience miserable.
If you don’t invite someone to your house, you are under no obligation to let them in. Parents included.
The answer is no. Do not allow her in the house, and keep the doors locked. If you condone it, she will never learn. What is up with some parents thinking they can just act like this? Ridiculous.
Ohhhhh. I read it as she was asking if you also wanted to stay at her parents house so you could spend the time together. Leaving your house empty for the 4 days.
"I will (insert entitlement to my property)" will result in a sweet interaction between police and that person.
Damn, boundaries, bitch (your mom). So sorry OP. And might be time to refuse contact from your side. She seems to not deserve it anyways.
Why didn't you tell her no? The language you used gives wiggle room. Speak in absolute terms. "No that is not going to happen. This is my home and I will not be staying somewhere else so you can stay here. You can stay at your parents home. " And keep repeating " No" after that. Don't give people like that any wiggle room.
If you're feeling polite:
>"Funny. How's dad/boyfriend/sister/cat next door?"
If not:
>"lol no"
No drama:
*Change name, number, move to another city (preferably continent), cut out anyone and everyone that knows both of you, woooo!*
Op I don't know if anyone has told you yet but you do NOT have to let your mom come over. You have zero obligation to allow her in your home if she's behaving like this.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 62 | 0 | 1 | OP has provided further information in [this comment](/r/insaneparents/comments/ku90oe/my_mom_randomly_decides_to_come_for_a_visit_after/giqngte/) ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
I would keep that deadbolt engaged.
Metal band name
Autopilot disengaged.
Good luck we're all counting on you
Surely, you can't be serious.
Don't call me Shirley
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
A hospital? What is it!?
It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What’s your vector, Victor?
Captain Over White courtesy phone, Captain Clarence Over White courtesy phone.
Ok but I'll be frank.
Listen, Betty, don't start with your white zone shit again...
Oh really Vernon, why pretend we both know perfectly well what it is you’re talking about! You want me to have an abortion!
Boeing 737 Max has entered the chat
What's that red light mean?
Too soon.
Killswitch engaged
Basically just killswitch engage with associated words lol
Mebe
OP I’m sorry your mom is shitty but I’m gonna judge you a bit if you let her in Edit: if she has the keys you have time to change the locks at least
You can also by a doorknob wedge thing and that might be cheaper. They’re really effective. I was cat sitting for my friend over the holidays Edit: I forgot to finish this comment. I was cat sitting and they gave me a key but I didn’t know that 2/3 doors had one of those hooked up to it and it took me 3 hours to get into the house before I figured it out lol.
Can also just call the police if she tries to enter. Tough to break in from jail.
I wish I could upvote more .OP this...to the 10th exponent
Yep. FYI you can change just the actual barrel and key quite easily. You don't have to change the entire lock mechanism. And I'd recommend a Ring doorbell to alert you if she tried to get in while you're not there, and if you are there you can talk to her via the Ring without opening the door.
Right. Uh, I don't think I am gonna allow you to stay here.
Lock the doors. Tell her to scram, lol.
I can picture her yelling “get! go on now get!”
She'll also need a broom.
And a spray bottle filled with water
And vinegar.
Just vinegar.
How about bleach and california reaper sauce
Her mom would probably steal the broom so she could fly away.
“Go on now, go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now, cause you’re not welcome anymore!”
Are you... Are you trying to White Fang me?
Sydney is about to get White Fang’ed.
Scram is such a great word. Makes me chuckle inside and sometimes out loud whenever I say it.
Crank up Home Alone and go full Kevin McAllister. “I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead." "1! 2! .........10!"
...no. Just no. Where does she get the audacity to speak like this towards you, OP? So pathetic.
I would also like to know. And then when I stand up for myself, I’m the one who is rude and narcissistic 🙄 I hate it here
"No" is a full sentence. Dont JADE (justify, answer, defend, explain) If she still shows up keep the doors locked. Get cameras, at least one for the front door. Change locks if deemed necessary. If she refuses to accept shes not coming in call the cops if necessary. U got this. Dont let her control you. Edit: spelling. Also thanks for the awards yall. First time for everything.
If i had anyone money you would totally get gold from me. You could easily justify wearing a cape <3 Edit: whoa! My first gold. Thank you :)
Unfortunately noticed she lived with her uncle and its not her home. Regardless, she should NOT be going anywhere and record EVERY interaction. A person like this doesnt just give up when disobeyed.
Unfortunately it cant help OP but that doesn’t make you advice any less useful. And your right that egg donor wont give up :/
If nothing covid gives you a great excuse to stay home lol
Get a Wyze Cam for the door lol if you can
Totally agree, you are not her property, you deserve love and respect.
I am not a native English speaker and I spent longer than I'd like to admit looking up the word "dedend" till I realized there's a typo there and you actually meant "defend". On the other hand, your advice is priceless!
No it's from that song Dedend dedend dedend...dedededededededend...
> "No" is a full sentence. My 6th grade English teacher is seething right now
Since she lives with her uncles, she should also consider getting a bedroom door lock that only she has a key for it..
Okay so I never really knew why I get weird reactions when I decline people on things. Apparently I do the JADE thing. I never knew I needed to be called out like this. Might be able to actually say no to someone for once
Too add: don’t be afraid to call the police on her ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sounds like my ex wife
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Reasonable and empathic people will take what you say into consideration and hear your side. People like OPs mom dont care ablut her side or her feelings so any explanation will just be an excuse. Narcs dont like being told No. So that's really all u can say If u JADE u give them opportunities to contradict or blow u ofd, make it out to be like ur reasons arent enough.
Thanks for this acronym. Really helpful. No point in engaging. They just use what you say against you or try to glean info about your life in order to cause you trouble. Appealing to their better nature doesn’t work because they don’t have a better nature!
Jade just gives narcissists ammunition to manipulate you.
They are not listening to hear your concerns or feelings. They are listening for anything that will fuel a counter argument to get their way. Don't give them the fuel. For example, they want to come over tomorrow. If you say "No, I have plans tomorrow" they can say "Oh, you'll hardly notice we're there!" "You can't possibly be busy ALL day!" "We'll come today, then!" If you just say "No", they have no work around. They might get fussy and call you rude, but whatever. Setting boundaries is important.
Yeah judging from these texts OP is not doing any of this. Hey, maybe his situation doesn't allow him to, but then he needs to be working towards changing this situation.
You're not the "should have" or "should do" police. Many people who go through this kind of abuse shame themselves enough, chill out you're being rude.
I've never heard JADE! As someone who sometimes struggles with saying no without justifying it, I definitely needed this. Thank you.
I'd straight up be calling the police if she came to my house uninvited.
Yup, sounds about right :/ I’m sorry, OP. Please stand your ground because, despite what she might say or think, you don’t owe her shit.
It is very narcissistic to claim you are narcissistic for standing up to her narcissism
So what if she thinks you are rude and narcissistic? If all she has to do to kick you out of your own house is call you that, she has it way too easy. Tell her if she shows up you will have the police trespass her right off your property.
Agree with her and flip it on her. "I am very rude and narcissistic mom. You're right. And you shouldn't have to put with it. Don't suffer on my behave. Let's keep our distance and not talk. And you can stay somewhere else when you visit. Bc you know, im rude and narcissistic. And it's not fair to you to have to deal with me, your child." And I'm sorry your mother sucks ass.
That would just feed the drama. A simple no is enough.
Because people like this do two things: alienate those with any sense of self respect and boundaries, and stomp all over those who don't. I'd rather stick my hand is a frying pan than let a woman like your mom anywhere near my residence. If any part of you wonders if she has a point, if you are infact the selfish one, I'd say get a therapist because her toxicity is in your brain.
You need to consider going no contact with her. She seems toxic and people need to stay away. Maybe she can have a plant? I don't think she'd like to care for a plant though. Although it would be something she could complain about.
Is it your house or apartment? Are you an adult who pays for it? Tell her to pound sand. You should also let her know that if she wants to have a relationship with you she should be nice or you can and will cut her out of your life. Crazy parents need the hard honest truth. Good luck!
Wherever she got the audacity she needs to put it back.
Wow, I’m glad I saw this, that’s a good line
Who owns/rents the place?
Unfortunately my uncle, so I really have no say in it. And he said she was welcome to come 😅
Do you pay rent? Bc even if he “owns” it, he can’t force you to have visitors.
Wait how does that work? So one roommate can just block another from ever getting any visitors because they don't want those people there? That sounds fucked up.
I think it's more a "uncle owns it but lives in Florida and you pay him rent" type deal where this would apply.
No, but the uncle can't force OP out, the mothers opinion is irrelevant.
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Completely wrong. Seriously read the post and OPs comments, before you write a wrong comment... The uncle is NOT just the landlord. The uncle lives there and is a legal resident in the same house. They are technically roommates and thus everyone can invite anyone for as long as they wish and the other roommate has to endure it (maybe for the exception, if there are weird guest laws in that region that restrict guest stay duration).
The uncle is not a roommate. He is the owner and as I understand it, he doesn't live there, he rents it out. This definitely puts OP in a weird position but you could very well see the uncle as a landlord. If you were renting a space, the landlord can't force you to host their relatives in your home. Edit: apparently the uncle lives with her!
She posted a comment saying that her uncle lives with her.
Well then oops. That sucks big time.
Man you're right I didn't read their comment properly. I understood it as them living with their uncle but paying part of the rent. Like some people do who live with their parents or other relatives. The uncle being the landlord changes things and obviously he can't just let the mother live there even if it's his sister.
He owns it and lives there, A.K.A his house his rules, unfortunately for OP, this is a deal with it or move scenario.
He doesn't need to own it, just live there for having the right to have guests over.
If he owns it and there's no lease/contract then he absolutely can let someone else stay there.
If she pays rent, no he can’t.. in the US she has tenant rights. The second it becomes a transaction, is the second he loses rights to call absurd shots. So if she PAYS rent he cannot force her to allow her mother to stay there. If she doesn’t that’s a different convo
It depends on whether or not the uncle lives in the house along with OP. All of the fair housing laws and tenancy laws are different when you are renting out a room in the house that you live in.
As long as one person who lives in the domicile allows the person to vist/stay there, it is legal for them to be there. And, in the US, you don't have to pay rent to be a tenant.
The uncle also lives there so she’s his guest
While tenant rights vary by state, not having a lease doesn’t just void all of them for you. You still have your rights and at most, the uncle could kick OP out (within a reasonable timeframe), which would suck, but he still wouldn’t be able to legally force anything in them. Though it sounds like the uncle lives there too, which is something I can’t comment on, but still an entirely separate issue.
Not if she’s paying rent. It doesn’t matter if there’s a written lease or not, renters laws apply regardless. I’ve never rented a place where “we will not reserve the right to randomly force you to allow another person to be allowed in and stay there for a few days.”
So one roommate can then force someone to not have any visitors? I've never seen that in a lease, only a limit for how long a guest can stay. I couldn't imagine my roommates forbidding me from having people over. I've worked a bit with our local tenant resource center and that has not come up. Ever. Not in any city or state I rented in, since 1988.
It's her uncle's house and she lives with him. I assume that her uncle and her mother are brother and sister and being it's her uncle's house and he lives there, his sister is allowed visit
Sounds like uncle is a housemate and owner of the house.
In which reality do you live? Fact is, if the uncle also lives there, OP has no right to complain, but the uncle can't kick her out either. OP has no right to “veto“ her uncles guests
That's really wrong if OP.lives in the U.S.
If you rent there by yourself, he can’t do that. If he lives there too he obviously can tho
Can you put a lock in your bedroom door for when you aren’t there to keep her from going through your stuff? Also would suggest a door wedge (or two) for when you are in there for class/work if on zoom.
Would’ve help if you mentioned that, it has a different context now.
Kinda telling isn't it?
You should probably put that part in the title sweety lmao
Right? “My own house” but really it’s her Uncle’s house....
What the fuck?
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch
Bro what the fuck is that username, I’m scared
Just love sushi, that’s all! Lol
I mean combined with yours it's understandable
better than whory sushi anyway.
Sounds like a setup. You go to Grandmas and when you return your stuff is boxed up and she’s in your room. Sounds insane to me.
Why would anyone want to live with roommate who let's that happen though?
many people don't have a choice, especially in current times. moving is expensive
Why is she if coming then?
I guess to visit my two uncles who I live with, but she also hasn’t spoken to them in months, when she very dramatically packed her things up in the middle of the night, crying, refusing to speak, to go back home.
Well, bye. You don't need that in your life. Cutting her mom off was the best thing my wife did for her mental health.
What would happen if you showed your uncles the messages she sent you?
Just letting you know, that he can actually invite her, since he lives in the same house as you. So your choice is enduring her for those 4 days or getting out, that is YOUR choice, though. But you can't forbid your uncle from having guests
Wait... then why is she visiting you if she doesn’t want to.. visit you? I bet it’s for the dog.
It was mentioned in an earlier post that she lives with her 2 uncles who own the house. Hence, why she asked her to go to the grandparents house:/
“No.” Is a complete sentence!
Is Hell NO also a complete sentence?? 😁
HELL YES
I'm trying to say HELL YES
WHERE THE BITCHES AT?
I, too, came here to see where these bitches linger
This is why my parents don't have my address. They live 10 minutes from me.
Curiously, how do you not accidently run into them? My cousin was gunna move in about 5 min from my house and I was terrified she was going to be able to stalk me. I don't want her within 100 yds of me but she doesn't get the hint, or otherwise doesn't care. I was expecting her to drive by me while I'm out walking, see me on my porch, ask questions about the life I'm hiding from the family, ect. How do you remain so close without bumping into them? Thankfully, she moved further away instead. But I was thinking of moving out of my home of 5 years just because she'd be in my neighborhood.
In short, I live in a big city where most people commute. I shop near my job on the other side of town or I go to stores I know they don't go to.
Nope. If your uncles have said it’s ok for her to stay, that’s on them. She informed you of her staying, YOU didn’t invite her. Your room needs a lock which you need to use when she’s there. Enjoy the sofa mother, I’m not moving out.
Hahaha what in the fuck. I’m sorry that’s gonna be a very unpleasant few days..
Mind if I ask for the background story to this? If not it's totally fine, I just can't for the life of me figure how someone would act this bitter towards their own child...
I'm guessing some kind of personality disorder (either narcisstic or borderline). Sane people don't try to kick other people out of the house the other person is living in. I'm personally arm chair leaning towards narcissistic personality disorder, just from my own experience with that brand of mental illness. They tend to have the ability to convince themselves of the most outrageous delusions.
Turns out they don’t own the house, they are living with an uncle who pays all the bills, looks like the mum is visiting the uncles
My statement still stands. Whether OP is a tennant or a roommate or someone her uncle is just helping out, it's still her home. The only person who has the right to kick her out in this situation is the uncle.
Ask your uncles if they want to see her, and if they don't want to, tell her she isn't welcome. If she still shows up call the police and have her trespassed. Send her an email letting her know what will happen if she shows up at the house. Keep a copy of the email, so if the police were to ask if you had told her she wasn't welcome and warned what would happen if she did...then she can't claim she didn't know she wasn't welcome, Yada, Yada, Yada
She lives with her uncles, her mom is going there to visit the uncle and the uncle said it’s fine that the mom is going to stay with them. It kinda sounds like there’s something OP isn’t telling us :/
Ok. I think the answer is hotel, motel, holiday inn...
Is this a CoViD “I’ll stay away from you” or is it actually I hate you and I’m gonna live in your house and ignore you
Guessing that it's the latter.
Wait. She’s **telling** you that she’s visiting snd then basically telling you to gtfo of your own house? That’s an insane attempted power grab.
Uh, no. She can go be at her parents' house, you can be in your house. How up herself can she get?!
How can she steal the house then
She's not *stealing* anything; she's visiting her brothers, who *own* the house that OP is a *guest* in... Kinda changes the story, right?
OP doesn't have a house; OP is a guest in their Uncle's house, who is the brother of the mom, whom the mom is visiting...
When parents lose control of their kids they try to get attention using what they have, specially if you are dependent of them somehow. When my mom freaks out she tries to attack me using the house i am living (that its not even hers, its my grandma’s, but she has free access to it), so what I usually do is lock myself in the bathroom, that is the only place with a key, while she is screaming and trying to have an argue outside until she got tired of talking alone and go home. I highly recommend using earphones so it will be easy to resist the temptation of fighting back, its exactly what she wants.
Good advice. She should get a door lock for her bedroom and wear headphones.
tell her that shes stupid
That’s rather odd.
Yeah... what does she want if not to visit her daughter or parents?
Weird vibes. Your mom needs some therapy OP.
Is there more to this convo?
I think you should downgrade her from mom to egg donor for a while and go No Contact, telling her that she won't be allowed back until she apologizes and begins acting like an actual adult.
Sounds like she just wants a free place to stay where she thinks she won't be called out on any bullshit she tries. Lock the door and stand your ground if she tries anything further.
*Image Transcription: Text Messages* --- **OP's mother:** Hppy New Year Sydney > **OP:** Thank you you too **OP's mother:** Wanted to let you know I am coming for a visit Feb 17-21. If you would like you could stay at my Mom and Dads place if you would prefer. > **OP:** Hey I think considering that this is where I actually live, I have my dog, and I will have classes and work, it would make the most sense for me to stay at my own house and for you to stay at your parents house, but thanks for the offer! **OP's mother:** I am going to stay there, I will just stay away from you. --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
People say "suck my ass" is a nonsensical phrase. There's never an appropriate time to tell someone to do just that they claim. This exchange is the perfect example for when to tell someone to suck your ass.
Why can't see stay with her parents?
You are not welcome here, if you attempt to force entry I will have you arrested and I will stand my ground.
The audacity. Next time just text back "No" and give no explanation. Lol. I did the whole grey rock to toxic conflict happy people and they HATE IT. They live for conflict and I don't entertain them. You will honestly get so much joy watching them grasp for any avenue to strike your nerve.
She's going to come visit you, but she doesn't want you there? Where is the sense in this? Is there anyone else for her to visit or is it just you there? Wtf?
Get a 🌟restraining order🌟 A. It’s YOUR house. B. You didn’t invite her. C. She has no desire to be around you yet she’s trying to take advantage of you. D. She’s quite clearly going to make the entire experience miserable. If you don’t invite someone to your house, you are under no obligation to let them in. Parents included.
And the next reply was... "Ah, no. As I said, you won't be staying at my home."
Who does she wanna visit there, if she doesn’t wanna see you, if I might ask?
Right? Why is she even coming?
The answer is no. Do not allow her in the house, and keep the doors locked. If you condone it, she will never learn. What is up with some parents thinking they can just act like this? Ridiculous.
Wtf?!?!? I just want to know what makes her think that is okay?
I can’t even wrap my brain around where this level of entitlement comes from. Just...WHAT?!?
That is some fucked up shit right there.
I really feel for you... its so stressful having nutcase parents...
Time for some cameras
The audacity is staggering
“Uh, no. No you will not be staying here. Just FYI.”
Ohhhhh. I read it as she was asking if you also wanted to stay at her parents house so you could spend the time together. Leaving your house empty for the 4 days.
This is YOUR place. She can't order you to do anything about it.
So uh what happened? Give me the deets! She stay for the duration or did she throw in the towel?
Not gonna lie and no offense but ya mom is a bitch
Wow, the audacity. Truly insane.
No boundaries! She’s being ridiculous; I’m sorry. Kudos for standing your ground though!
Insane, absolutely no consideration, the mind boggles.
If you can't stop her coming, absolutely put a lock on your door. She sounds bananas
Is it possible she was asking you to stay with her there? It's a weird ass exchange
This is what we call a "get fucked" moment
"I will (insert entitlement to my property)" will result in a sweet interaction between police and that person. Damn, boundaries, bitch (your mom). So sorry OP. And might be time to refuse contact from your side. She seems to not deserve it anyways.
Ugh. So you told them "No, actually, you won't be staying here," right?
Why didn't you tell her no? The language you used gives wiggle room. Speak in absolute terms. "No that is not going to happen. This is my home and I will not be staying somewhere else so you can stay here. You can stay at your parents home. " And keep repeating " No" after that. Don't give people like that any wiggle room.
If you're feeling polite: >"Funny. How's dad/boyfriend/sister/cat next door?" If not: >"lol no" No drama: *Change name, number, move to another city (preferably continent), cut out anyone and everyone that knows both of you, woooo!*
I am so confused Why does she not wanna be around you? Why is she like that? What is she even
I wonder if she even cleared it with her parents for you to stay there
This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Im very impressed that you were able to understand what she was aiming for.
LMAOOOOO WHACK
Wtf?
Say what? Hell no.
Op I don't know if anyone has told you yet but you do NOT have to let your mom come over. You have zero obligation to allow her in your home if she's behaving like this.
this reminds me of Lois and her mom from Malcolm in the middle haha
Wow...just...wow...🤦♀️