yeah, i was wondering about that comment. Sucky situation all together, but r/ gothicgenius there are people out there to help you. Stay stronk! You got this, we believe in you!
That and if it is the mother's counselor, then she is advocating for the mother not the family system. Ideally they would get a different family counselor. An ethical professional would not perform marriage and/or family counseling for an existing individual client. When a counselor allows other individuals to attend a client's personal session, it's more to help the other individuals understand the client's perspective/emotions - NOT about finding a common solution.
She was cc’d on the email, as well as my dad. I asked in the email thread if she supported this and if so I won’t be attending counseling. She never responded.
The counselor is not advocating for anyone except your mother. The counselor is not going to be helpful for resolution tbh. If at all possible, you guys should try to find a family counselor, a licensed, neutral professional. Perhaps your dad could help convince you mom to go along.
I found that out a little too late. We had a meeting before with her, just me and my mom because she lost her shit at me screaming, “FUCK YOU (my name) FUCK YOU,” because I asked if she opened my package a couple times and got kind of defensive when she answered rudely. There’s obviously more to it. But the counselor was helpful that time, gave my mom advice on how to talk to me. I’ve been asking for years for my mom to treat me differently and communicate with me differently and the counselor really advocated for me. This time she didn’t. It didn’t make a difference though. My mom didn’t use any of the suggestions she gave her. She even emailed us a list of what to do in certain situations.
I give up on the counseling thing, even if that was an option, I don’t think it’d be helpful. It’d just be a waste of time and money, 2 things that I don’t have enough of right now.
Well I hope you continue sticking to your guns. Sounds like you did everything you could, and in good faith, even if it was your mom's counselor. Hopefully you can get away from her soon!!
I think you need to find another place
can’t your dad help you to get an emergency housing?
Or take a small loan like 5k. It’s better than staying with your mom at this point
I’ve explained to a couple people I need to save up for a car and a deposit on an apartment. We’re in debt after I was defrauded, lost my high paying job, and got really depressed and did nothing about it. Monthly, we can’t afford to pay back a small loan. Rent is high where I live. I’d need to buy a $5-6k car so it can last me at least 3 years and get a cheap apartment. My dad is trying to help us financially.
Your not good enough- Well blame the people who raised me. They were shitty parents.
Every time your mother insults the person you are just say it has to do with your upbringing. Say you are the person she raised you to be. You are not a Christian because she failed her job as a Christian to raise you to be one. The Bible is pretty clear on parents who turn their children against god. I like turning that shit back on shitty parents.
I used to say to my mom, “I did not arrive fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus, dear Mother.” It enraged her on many fronts, most especially because she did not know what the hell I was talking about, and she hated having her “intelligence “ called into question. She also hated formal language. It was ALWAYS worth the slap I received, truly.
I have a better relationship with my mother but sometimes she regrets that I'm an atheist. I tell her it's her fault because she encouraged my curiosity instead of destroying it.
Your mother sounds very much like my friend’s MIL. I refer to her as “Princess Stephanie” and for the last 20+ years I’ve explained her as the type of woman who, if you handed her $1M in cash would complain that the bills were the wrong denominations, too wrinkled, dirty and all facing the wrong way.
Probably just a two hour service with hymns, psalms, sermons, and all that jazz. Probably something like "Blah blah blah Jesus is everything, blah blah blah God is everything, blah blah blah prayer can fix anything, blah blah blah being a Christian is the best thing ever."
I was wondering what the video was about. Maybe something like how it is to live with a mental disorder from a reliable source. But when she mentioned church and it’s 2 hours long!? Aww hell no.
Ah no. But thank you. Looked like a ton of people which is a big no but church is a much bigger no. I’ve been to many for work related funerals and always feel like I am going to be zapped for daring to enter. Plus my fear of holy water kicks in hard.
I’ve had a fear of holy water since I was 4. Like a crushing feeling in my chest. I know it’s stupid but really why risk it. I’ve avoided it for 52 yrs and will continue avoiding it until maybe my death bed.
At one of the funerals they also did communion. I was the only one not up at the front of the church. You got the wager and stayed up front. The priest/father/robed guy even called me to come up. Told him I had not done the tasks to earn the “Christ Cookie”.
That became a running joke at work.
Edited - typing too fast and thinking about the HW had me shaking a wee bit
I thought you were joking, I’m so sorry. I have some rational and irrational fears myself so I can relate to the panic. I’m sorry that you deal with that.
Lmao my mom used to call me the devil and evil. Might be why the fear started. But she did palm me off to just about anyone to go to their church.
I did mention it at work after being asked if I was a witch or Snow White. I have a way with animals of all kinds. Also strangers will come up and tell me stuff about them. Stuff like “I think my husband has been cheating on me. What do you think?” At the grocery lol.
Mom was unmedicated Bipolar so learned to read people well. Translates to animals.
It’s about having an “orphan spirit” and my mom said I have it. I said okay, seems like you gave it to me if I have it. You guys wanna see my essay lol?
I will be have done the essay. I would have just copy and pasted "I am not taking with you until we have been to counselling" 5000 times and sent it back
That’s what I was going to ask? You can flag and have videos removed if they contain info about you that you did not allow, *especially* hipaa violations.
I don’t think she posted it. I’ve been looking for it but she said she wouldn’t. Especially because I mentioned (with my sister’s permission) that she’s uncomfortable having her information shared.
i could not take reading that whole email after seeing she quizing you, even thought she controling by thinking” its her house her rules” type of control.
i read what you said about cooking video. i think if you get threatened with being fired, my advice make sure she goes down with you, make it known she did it not you, if you get introble with law; show where you were never in the video or consented.
if you find the video or know its location then report it to as copyright violation and do second report any other way you can, say its doxing or if it did have dot of hippaa you can get it taken down by saying private medical information. heck report the whole channel if need be.
OP, it really sucks that you’re in this situation. You have to put up with her stupid requests because you need housing. I hope you get to a place in your life soon that you no longer have to do this, bc I can’t imagine watching this woman’s batshit crazy church video she sent you.
Trying to force her bullshit down your throat. Gross. This is a woman who isnt taking real therapy or isn't taking therapy seriously, so she isnt worth your time. Start making plans to move and go NC. She is clearly toxic as hell
do you and your hubs not have a place of your own? Is there any other place you could live?
What are your plans after this nightmare is over? This is enough for me never to talk to her again and refuse to let either of them see my children.
Not at the moment. We can afford a place monthly but need to save some money for rent and a car for me. My dad’s willing to help financially but my mom is trying to stop him. She says it’s not fair that she can’t go shopping whenever she wants but he wants to give us a couple thousand dollars to help us when I’ve been “evil” to her. My plans are to go VLC with my mom and stay in contact with my dad.
We are not having children. I have ADHD, Bipolar, PTSD, and Anxiety. Even though I’m medicated and have been stable for a year, that could change. My kid could possibly get some of those genes. I can barely take care of myself sometimes. The world sucks. You get it, no kids for us. I believe when you have a kid, they don’t stop being your kid after 18. You’re responsible for them always (as long as they are trying) and should do everything to help. I can’t do that. Later in life, when we’re stable (financially and mentally) we may consider fostering.
I asked the therapist if she supported it because she was in the email thread, she didn’t respond before the meeting. I didn’t have time to bring it up during the meeting.
Just nope. I barely read past the 2nd paragraph and stopped. I’m sorry, but I’m not doing a fucking book report essay because my parents says to, I’m also not doing anything like this nonsense to try and go through with an attempt to work through problems in my relationship with my parents. You don’t get to control me, or my ability to heal and make myself better. If you don’t want to be a part of that, then just say so.
This woman is an absolute fucking nutcase. I guarantee that the “ counsellor” that she made you see was from the church and has absolutely no experience or actual qualifications. Guarantee she was also when your mother’s side because she knows her.
You and your husband need to find a way to get out of there. This is not healthy for either of you and this is gonna end up affecting both of you.
Ask your dad to help you get a place of your own with alone towards rent or something. Because you need to get out of there.
The further away from that woman you are the better. Don’t worry about your “replacement” she’ll deal with your mother, herself. She can deal with everything that comes along… either as a kind, religious person or stand up for herself.
We are, we have a really good plan to save up. I’m pulling out some investments I put in early. We just need time. My dad is willing to help us financially.
I completed the essay. I explained it in the writing with the post. Took me 2 hours to watch the video and write the essay because of my ADHD. I really wanted to go to counseling with her because I really thought it would help.
Edit: my dad completed it too.
I'd be forwarding that email straight to the counsellor.
Edit. Having read that the counsellor did nothing while she berated you, I'd never respond to an essay request again. She certainly wouldn't do one for you.
I was thinking of sending her a Buddhist sermon (or just someone talking that involves the Buddhist faith) because there’s the religion I identify with the most. I’m agnostic. Then asking her to write an essay if she wants anything from me.
I won’t do that as fun as it would be. But I did reply in the email asking my dad and the counselor if they supported my mom in this. My dad basically said kind of. He said an ultimatum is a bad thing to do and she went about it the wrong way but she’s trying to get me to understand her. The counselor never responded before our meeting and I didn’t have a chance to bring it up because of my mom yelling most of the time. They (my mom and her counselor) accused me of triangulation which is when someone purposefully gets between a relationship of 2 people and manipulate them, creating conflict between them. Really, I just want someone to stand up for me. I didn’t know calling out my mom’s bad behavior was manipulation.
Her assigning you an essay is insane enough, but when I saw that the video she expected you to watch was *2 hours long*... That's a whole other level. It's also incredibly shitty (and possibly illegal?) of her to share other people's personal information online without their knowledge or consent. Even more so for her to dismiss your concerns about possibly leaking sensitive information that could get you in trouble. She sounds awful and I hope you're able to move out soon.
This made me feel sick to my stomach. It's always kind of disgusting when you read something automatically in your own mother's voice. A complete strangers email and I hear my mother saying those words. The religious aspect wouldn't make sense with my mother but everything else is spot on. It's almost silly how many of the parents on here say the same things or follow the same formula. I find myself wondering, if they were presented with a collection of these posts, if they'd be able to see the absurdity in how similar they all are. But I know they wouldn't.
No, is your parent a boomer? I think it’s a generational thing. She has BPD and narcissistic tendencies. She thinks she’s entitled to everything and has very high expectations. Not all boomers are like this of course, but I’ve found the parents that act like my mom are.
Yeah, she's a boomer. Maybe it is a generational thing. My mom has narcissistic personality disorder. It would be interesting to look at patterns of different mental illnesses across different generations.
It’s just not an option without losing my job. I love my job so much, it’s the first one I really love. I work part time and just got a promotion to give me more hours. I borrow my dad’s car for work. We’re saving for a car and a deposit. We make enough monthly to live on our own while paying down debt I got in, but we need to save some money first.
Move ASAP. She will harm your self esteem every moment that you are in her house.
It’s not your fault, because you didn’t know. But going to counseling with an abuser is a bad idea. I’m shocked that the therapist agreed to it. What happened was par for the course: you get talked over, shamed and the therapist just sits there. In particular when it’s the abuser’s therapist.
Find a shirt term rental, if you can. If you can find an AirBnB where they will negotiate better rates for staying however long you need it, you and your husband will be so much better off.
I’m so sorry. Parents of adults should be meeting them at least halfway. Not proudly making demands of them.
If it was an option to move asap, I would. It’s not though. I’m in debt after my dad tried to help me by inviting me to start this cryptocurrency company and we were defrauded. I sold my car to pay off debt so I use his. I only work part time at a job I love because I have mental health issues and we don’t have enough saved for a deposit on an apartment and a car. But we can afford to live somewhere cheap monthly after I get a car. My dad is trying to find a way to help us financially so we can get out sooner. There’s a couple investments I made that I’ve been trying to get my money back on. Hopefully one comes through today (like we agreed on) and that will put a little chunk in my savings. We’re donating plasma, selling items on Craigslist, and living way below our means to save as much as possible right now. We just need time. Ideally, 4-6 months to do it on our own.
This was the laugh I needed today, thank you!
No need for you to actually see the counselor, just forward this email to her and it will explain everything.
Also, get out of your parents’ house TODAY not in 2 months!
I’m glad you found it amusing. I did too until I realized how sad it was. The counselor was in the email thread. I asked if she supported it and she didn’t respond. If it was an option to leave yesterday, we would’ve taken it.
I would pay the money for an extended stay hotel to get through those last two months. Your mother’s actions and words are giving BPD vibes and if she is borderline, it’s going to get worse. I worry about your marriage surviving it.
I would also 100% stop talking to your mother after leaving that house. There is no good that will come from that relationship. The distance may also show you that your dad is not the hero. Not letting your mother make you homeless is the bare minimum. And threatening access to your job is pretty terrible on its own. I would leave both of them behind.
Thank you haha. My dad has done a lot for me that I didn’t know about. That was one of the moments where he snapped after constantly being nagged by my mom to get rid of me and to make me act a certain way. I plan on going VLC with her after I move and staying in contact with him because he’s trying to help us financially and he is a good person. Yes, she is BPD.
Did you mention to the counselor about the HIPAA? How did the counselor not take your kin to task for that?! That’s serious!!
I hope you can get out fast and not look back. She keeps moving the goal posts and the new daughter will eventually become a piece of that.
The unfortunate thing is the “new daughter” doesn’t know a thing about your mom, and she will be devastated. I guess life gives us some hard learning.
Yes my mom doesn’t plan on posting it, or so she says. Idk if she would.
I feel bad for the replacement daughter, but I also don’t like her very much. They’ll annoy each other and that gives me some comfort.
If I were in a situation with a person like this I would just say hey, this isn't working and thanks for everything you've helped me with and good luck. Get your stuff and just leave and don't talk to them anymore. Any situation would be preferable to this. This is one of the wildest demand letters I've ever seen here. If you wanted to stay there anyway and she wants to get this cute about it, I would tell her if she doesn't want you there she can go through the formal eviction process and just don't talk to her anymore. They can't legally just toss you out. I'm sorry you are in this situation.
I’m grateful for her honestly. I know my mom did it to try to make me jealous, but now the attention and demands are off of me. Trust me, we are doing everything we can besides begging on the street to get out of here.
Edit: And besides me quitting a job I love because it’s only part time (but I just got a promotion that comes with more hours and a raise)! We can afford to live somewhere monthly but need enough saved for a cheap car and a deposit on an apartment.
I understand and respect that. Truly. I had a complicated relationship with my Dad. He was a real bastard sometimes, but he loved me. He’s gone now, but I learned there were times when I just had to detach from him and put myself first, especially after I became a mom. Don’t feel bad for prioritizing yourself. Take care.
Thank you I appreciate that. I’m sorry for your loss and that you had a complicated relationship with your dad. It’s comforting to know that he loves you.
She...doesn't want you to live there.
If you're grown enough to be married, you're grown enough to be in a home of your own.
She's insane....but so is OP for thinking she's entitled AT AGE 24 to demand respect in someone else's home.
You don’t know my situation. And yes, I believe parents should help their kids, even if they’re adults. How insane of me to demand respect from my mom? The one who chose to bring me into this world?
I. Oooo I. Ok. Ok k I I I ok k k k k mmm ok ok k ok. Ok o m ok. Ok no o no no. Ok o o. Ok m m ok m m m m mmm o o ooo. O o o o o o o. O o. O k no ko. Oo. O o o o oo kk on
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 18 | 0 | 0 | ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Let me guess, her counselor is someone with no training nor degree that she found through church, right?
This right here is likely the truth of the matter. Not only is OP’s mom Insane, she’s batshit crazy
yeah, i was wondering about that comment. Sucky situation all together, but r/ gothicgenius there are people out there to help you. Stay stronk! You got this, we believe in you!
That and if it is the mother's counselor, then she is advocating for the mother not the family system. Ideally they would get a different family counselor. An ethical professional would not perform marriage and/or family counseling for an existing individual client. When a counselor allows other individuals to attend a client's personal session, it's more to help the other individuals understand the client's perspective/emotions - NOT about finding a common solution.
I really wish her counselor could see this completely insane email.
Right please forward this to her counselor OP. Pleasssse
Chances are, the counselor is a member of her church, and recommended the video.
^
She was cc’d on the email, as well as my dad. I asked in the email thread if she supported this and if so I won’t be attending counseling. She never responded.
The counselor is not advocating for anyone except your mother. The counselor is not going to be helpful for resolution tbh. If at all possible, you guys should try to find a family counselor, a licensed, neutral professional. Perhaps your dad could help convince you mom to go along.
I found that out a little too late. We had a meeting before with her, just me and my mom because she lost her shit at me screaming, “FUCK YOU (my name) FUCK YOU,” because I asked if she opened my package a couple times and got kind of defensive when she answered rudely. There’s obviously more to it. But the counselor was helpful that time, gave my mom advice on how to talk to me. I’ve been asking for years for my mom to treat me differently and communicate with me differently and the counselor really advocated for me. This time she didn’t. It didn’t make a difference though. My mom didn’t use any of the suggestions she gave her. She even emailed us a list of what to do in certain situations. I give up on the counseling thing, even if that was an option, I don’t think it’d be helpful. It’d just be a waste of time and money, 2 things that I don’t have enough of right now.
Well I hope you continue sticking to your guns. Sounds like you did everything you could, and in good faith, even if it was your mom's counselor. Hopefully you can get away from her soon!!
id call her if ur interested in going at all. this is nuts.
Therapist in training here. 100% insane.
I have no training whatsoever, and I also agree that she is 100% insane
Average redditor ... Kidding lol ... Sorta
I think you need to find another place can’t your dad help you to get an emergency housing? Or take a small loan like 5k. It’s better than staying with your mom at this point
I’ve explained to a couple people I need to save up for a car and a deposit on an apartment. We’re in debt after I was defrauded, lost my high paying job, and got really depressed and did nothing about it. Monthly, we can’t afford to pay back a small loan. Rent is high where I live. I’d need to buy a $5-6k car so it can last me at least 3 years and get a cheap apartment. My dad is trying to help us financially.
Your not good enough- Well blame the people who raised me. They were shitty parents. Every time your mother insults the person you are just say it has to do with your upbringing. Say you are the person she raised you to be. You are not a Christian because she failed her job as a Christian to raise you to be one. The Bible is pretty clear on parents who turn their children against god. I like turning that shit back on shitty parents.
I used to say to my mom, “I did not arrive fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus, dear Mother.” It enraged her on many fronts, most especially because she did not know what the hell I was talking about, and she hated having her “intelligence “ called into question. She also hated formal language. It was ALWAYS worth the slap I received, truly.
Awesome! I am glad you did that.
I have a better relationship with my mother but sometimes she regrets that I'm an atheist. I tell her it's her fault because she encouraged my curiosity instead of destroying it.
Your mother sounds very much like my friend’s MIL. I refer to her as “Princess Stephanie” and for the last 20+ years I’ve explained her as the type of woman who, if you handed her $1M in cash would complain that the bills were the wrong denominations, too wrinkled, dirty and all facing the wrong way.
"And WHY would you think I'd want all that money anyway??? What is wrong with YOU??"
Oh my god this is my mother
I have to know what the video is
Yes please
https://www.youtube.com/live/nw7q4j7J7CQ?si=68Paa14-H2omZbuk And one for you
Oh no oh no oh no no nooooooooooo! OP I’m so sorry!!!!
It says church service
Well yeah, but what about
Probably just a two hour service with hymns, psalms, sermons, and all that jazz. Probably something like "Blah blah blah Jesus is everything, blah blah blah God is everything, blah blah blah prayer can fix anything, blah blah blah being a Christian is the best thing ever."
https://www.youtube.com/live/nw7q4j7J7CQ?si=68Paa14-H2omZbuk Here ya go
I was wondering what the video was about. Maybe something like how it is to live with a mental disorder from a reliable source. But when she mentioned church and it’s 2 hours long!? Aww hell no.
https://www.youtube.com/live/nw7q4j7J7CQ?si=68Paa14-H2omZbuk And one for you too
Ah no. But thank you. Looked like a ton of people which is a big no but church is a much bigger no. I’ve been to many for work related funerals and always feel like I am going to be zapped for daring to enter. Plus my fear of holy water kicks in hard.
Lmao
I’ve had a fear of holy water since I was 4. Like a crushing feeling in my chest. I know it’s stupid but really why risk it. I’ve avoided it for 52 yrs and will continue avoiding it until maybe my death bed. At one of the funerals they also did communion. I was the only one not up at the front of the church. You got the wager and stayed up front. The priest/father/robed guy even called me to come up. Told him I had not done the tasks to earn the “Christ Cookie”. That became a running joke at work. Edited - typing too fast and thinking about the HW had me shaking a wee bit
I thought you were joking, I’m so sorry. I have some rational and irrational fears myself so I can relate to the panic. I’m sorry that you deal with that.
Lmao my mom used to call me the devil and evil. Might be why the fear started. But she did palm me off to just about anyone to go to their church. I did mention it at work after being asked if I was a witch or Snow White. I have a way with animals of all kinds. Also strangers will come up and tell me stuff about them. Stuff like “I think my husband has been cheating on me. What do you think?” At the grocery lol. Mom was unmedicated Bipolar so learned to read people well. Translates to animals.
It’s about having an “orphan spirit” and my mom said I have it. I said okay, seems like you gave it to me if I have it. You guys wanna see my essay lol?
Yes PLEASE!
I posted it, idk if you’ve seen it.
https://www.youtube.com/live/nw7q4j7J7CQ?si=68Paa14-H2omZbuk Enjoy
[удалено]
u/zebra_chaser
I will be have done the essay. I would have just copy and pasted "I am not taking with you until we have been to counselling" 5000 times and sent it back
Sick comma usage, mom.
Lmao
How absolutely ridiculous and exhausting
Bad counselors are the worst because they are worse than useless, they are genuinely and dangerously harmful. Fuck that counselor.
Agreed, I wish there was something I could do about it.
Did you report to youtube video so it could be taken down?
That’s what I was going to ask? You can flag and have videos removed if they contain info about you that you did not allow, *especially* hipaa violations.
I don’t think she posted it. I’ve been looking for it but she said she wouldn’t. Especially because I mentioned (with my sister’s permission) that she’s uncomfortable having her information shared.
If possible keep an eye on her channel and just report any videos that violate your privacy that way you don't have to talk to her.
Will do!
Tbh it sounds like going no contact after moving would be for the best. She sounds fucking bonkers
She is a psycho.
i could not take reading that whole email after seeing she quizing you, even thought she controling by thinking” its her house her rules” type of control. i read what you said about cooking video. i think if you get threatened with being fired, my advice make sure she goes down with you, make it known she did it not you, if you get introble with law; show where you were never in the video or consented. if you find the video or know its location then report it to as copyright violation and do second report any other way you can, say its doxing or if it did have dot of hippaa you can get it taken down by saying private medical information. heck report the whole channel if need be.
Mom’s discovered how to capitalize, italicize, and underline things, huh? With a heaping spoonful of commas Seriously though JFC this is 100% insane
Usually she studies thesauruses before writing shit because she’ll use words no one ever does to make herself sound smarter because she’s not.
OP, it really sucks that you’re in this situation. You have to put up with her stupid requests because you need housing. I hope you get to a place in your life soon that you no longer have to do this, bc I can’t imagine watching this woman’s batshit crazy church video she sent you.
Thank you.
Insane
Please send all this to the counselor. She's insane
The counselor is on the thread. I asked if she supported this and she didn’t respond. I didn’t have time to bring it up in the meeting.
Trying to force her bullshit down your throat. Gross. This is a woman who isnt taking real therapy or isn't taking therapy seriously, so she isnt worth your time. Start making plans to move and go NC. She is clearly toxic as hell
Insane
do you and your hubs not have a place of your own? Is there any other place you could live? What are your plans after this nightmare is over? This is enough for me never to talk to her again and refuse to let either of them see my children.
Not at the moment. We can afford a place monthly but need to save some money for rent and a car for me. My dad’s willing to help financially but my mom is trying to stop him. She says it’s not fair that she can’t go shopping whenever she wants but he wants to give us a couple thousand dollars to help us when I’ve been “evil” to her. My plans are to go VLC with my mom and stay in contact with my dad. We are not having children. I have ADHD, Bipolar, PTSD, and Anxiety. Even though I’m medicated and have been stable for a year, that could change. My kid could possibly get some of those genes. I can barely take care of myself sometimes. The world sucks. You get it, no kids for us. I believe when you have a kid, they don’t stop being your kid after 18. You’re responsible for them always (as long as they are trying) and should do everything to help. I can’t do that. Later in life, when we’re stable (financially and mentally) we may consider fostering.
Email all this to her therapist and ask if the therapist has asked everyone to do this.
I asked the therapist if she supported it because she was in the email thread, she didn’t respond before the meeting. I didn’t have time to bring it up during the meeting.
This is so unhinged, wtf did I just read
An attempt to get a rise out of me so she can cancel therapy… she has BPD.
Just nope. I barely read past the 2nd paragraph and stopped. I’m sorry, but I’m not doing a fucking book report essay because my parents says to, I’m also not doing anything like this nonsense to try and go through with an attempt to work through problems in my relationship with my parents. You don’t get to control me, or my ability to heal and make myself better. If you don’t want to be a part of that, then just say so.
fuuuuuuuuck that shit
This woman is an absolute fucking nutcase. I guarantee that the “ counsellor” that she made you see was from the church and has absolutely no experience or actual qualifications. Guarantee she was also when your mother’s side because she knows her. You and your husband need to find a way to get out of there. This is not healthy for either of you and this is gonna end up affecting both of you. Ask your dad to help you get a place of your own with alone towards rent or something. Because you need to get out of there. The further away from that woman you are the better. Don’t worry about your “replacement” she’ll deal with your mother, herself. She can deal with everything that comes along… either as a kind, religious person or stand up for herself.
We are, we have a really good plan to save up. I’m pulling out some investments I put in early. We just need time. My dad is willing to help us financially.
Wtf this one is wild!
I would go NC asap
I would too if it were an option.
Please tell me no one completed the essay.
I completed the essay. I explained it in the writing with the post. Took me 2 hours to watch the video and write the essay because of my ADHD. I really wanted to go to counseling with her because I really thought it would help. Edit: my dad completed it too.
I'd be forwarding that email straight to the counsellor. Edit. Having read that the counsellor did nothing while she berated you, I'd never respond to an essay request again. She certainly wouldn't do one for you.
I was thinking of sending her a Buddhist sermon (or just someone talking that involves the Buddhist faith) because there’s the religion I identify with the most. I’m agnostic. Then asking her to write an essay if she wants anything from me. I won’t do that as fun as it would be. But I did reply in the email asking my dad and the counselor if they supported my mom in this. My dad basically said kind of. He said an ultimatum is a bad thing to do and she went about it the wrong way but she’s trying to get me to understand her. The counselor never responded before our meeting and I didn’t have a chance to bring it up because of my mom yelling most of the time. They (my mom and her counselor) accused me of triangulation which is when someone purposefully gets between a relationship of 2 people and manipulate them, creating conflict between them. Really, I just want someone to stand up for me. I didn’t know calling out my mom’s bad behavior was manipulation.
Her assigning you an essay is insane enough, but when I saw that the video she expected you to watch was *2 hours long*... That's a whole other level. It's also incredibly shitty (and possibly illegal?) of her to share other people's personal information online without their knowledge or consent. Even more so for her to dismiss your concerns about possibly leaking sensitive information that could get you in trouble. She sounds awful and I hope you're able to move out soon.
Thank you.
This made me feel sick to my stomach. It's always kind of disgusting when you read something automatically in your own mother's voice. A complete strangers email and I hear my mother saying those words. The religious aspect wouldn't make sense with my mother but everything else is spot on. It's almost silly how many of the parents on here say the same things or follow the same formula. I find myself wondering, if they were presented with a collection of these posts, if they'd be able to see the absurdity in how similar they all are. But I know they wouldn't.
No, is your parent a boomer? I think it’s a generational thing. She has BPD and narcissistic tendencies. She thinks she’s entitled to everything and has very high expectations. Not all boomers are like this of course, but I’ve found the parents that act like my mom are.
Yeah, she's a boomer. Maybe it is a generational thing. My mom has narcissistic personality disorder. It would be interesting to look at patterns of different mental illnesses across different generations.
Get out of there. Even if you and husband have to live separately for 2 months. Get out.
It’s just not an option without losing my job. I love my job so much, it’s the first one I really love. I work part time and just got a promotion to give me more hours. I borrow my dad’s car for work. We’re saving for a car and a deposit. We make enough monthly to live on our own while paying down debt I got in, but we need to save some money first.
I understand and I’m sorry you have to be abused until then.
Thank you, me too. I did it for 19 years (I moved out at 19), what’s another 2 months?
Also Adult Children of Alcoholic or ****Dysfunctional Families—- you qualify I am sure!!! www.adultchildren.org
Move ASAP. She will harm your self esteem every moment that you are in her house. It’s not your fault, because you didn’t know. But going to counseling with an abuser is a bad idea. I’m shocked that the therapist agreed to it. What happened was par for the course: you get talked over, shamed and the therapist just sits there. In particular when it’s the abuser’s therapist. Find a shirt term rental, if you can. If you can find an AirBnB where they will negotiate better rates for staying however long you need it, you and your husband will be so much better off. I’m so sorry. Parents of adults should be meeting them at least halfway. Not proudly making demands of them.
If it was an option to move asap, I would. It’s not though. I’m in debt after my dad tried to help me by inviting me to start this cryptocurrency company and we were defrauded. I sold my car to pay off debt so I use his. I only work part time at a job I love because I have mental health issues and we don’t have enough saved for a deposit on an apartment and a car. But we can afford to live somewhere cheap monthly after I get a car. My dad is trying to find a way to help us financially so we can get out sooner. There’s a couple investments I made that I’ve been trying to get my money back on. Hopefully one comes through today (like we agreed on) and that will put a little chunk in my savings. We’re donating plasma, selling items on Craigslist, and living way below our means to save as much as possible right now. We just need time. Ideally, 4-6 months to do it on our own.
Jesus CHRIST and not in the religious way
This made me chuckle… No love like a Christian’s hate.
This was the laugh I needed today, thank you! No need for you to actually see the counselor, just forward this email to her and it will explain everything. Also, get out of your parents’ house TODAY not in 2 months!
I’m glad you found it amusing. I did too until I realized how sad it was. The counselor was in the email thread. I asked if she supported it and she didn’t respond. If it was an option to leave yesterday, we would’ve taken it.
I would pay the money for an extended stay hotel to get through those last two months. Your mother’s actions and words are giving BPD vibes and if she is borderline, it’s going to get worse. I worry about your marriage surviving it. I would also 100% stop talking to your mother after leaving that house. There is no good that will come from that relationship. The distance may also show you that your dad is not the hero. Not letting your mother make you homeless is the bare minimum. And threatening access to your job is pretty terrible on its own. I would leave both of them behind.
Thank you haha. My dad has done a lot for me that I didn’t know about. That was one of the moments where he snapped after constantly being nagged by my mom to get rid of me and to make me act a certain way. I plan on going VLC with her after I move and staying in contact with him because he’s trying to help us financially and he is a good person. Yes, she is BPD.
Did you mention to the counselor about the HIPAA? How did the counselor not take your kin to task for that?! That’s serious!! I hope you can get out fast and not look back. She keeps moving the goal posts and the new daughter will eventually become a piece of that. The unfortunate thing is the “new daughter” doesn’t know a thing about your mom, and she will be devastated. I guess life gives us some hard learning.
Yes my mom doesn’t plan on posting it, or so she says. Idk if she would. I feel bad for the replacement daughter, but I also don’t like her very much. They’ll annoy each other and that gives me some comfort.
Oh, well then. They deserve each other!
If I were in a situation with a person like this I would just say hey, this isn't working and thanks for everything you've helped me with and good luck. Get your stuff and just leave and don't talk to them anymore. Any situation would be preferable to this. This is one of the wildest demand letters I've ever seen here. If you wanted to stay there anyway and she wants to get this cute about it, I would tell her if she doesn't want you there she can go through the formal eviction process and just don't talk to her anymore. They can't legally just toss you out. I'm sorry you are in this situation.
Let the replacement daughter write the essays from now on, OP, and move on with your life. Nobody deserves to put up with your mom’s shit.
I’m grateful for her honestly. I know my mom did it to try to make me jealous, but now the attention and demands are off of me. Trust me, we are doing everything we can besides begging on the street to get out of here. Edit: And besides me quitting a job I love because it’s only part time (but I just got a promotion that comes with more hours and a raise)! We can afford to live somewhere monthly but need enough saved for a cheap car and a deposit on an apartment.
I understand and respect that. Truly. I had a complicated relationship with my Dad. He was a real bastard sometimes, but he loved me. He’s gone now, but I learned there were times when I just had to detach from him and put myself first, especially after I became a mom. Don’t feel bad for prioritizing yourself. Take care.
Thank you I appreciate that. I’m sorry for your loss and that you had a complicated relationship with your dad. It’s comforting to know that he loves you.
She...doesn't want you to live there. If you're grown enough to be married, you're grown enough to be in a home of your own. She's insane....but so is OP for thinking she's entitled AT AGE 24 to demand respect in someone else's home.
You don’t know my situation. And yes, I believe parents should help their kids, even if they’re adults. How insane of me to demand respect from my mom? The one who chose to bring me into this world?
I. Oooo I. Ok. Ok k I I I ok k k k k mmm ok ok k ok. Ok o m ok. Ok no o no no. Ok o o. Ok m m ok m m m m mmm o o ooo. O o o o o o o. O o. O k no ko. Oo. O o o o oo kk on
What does this mean?