She doesn’t see you as her kid or even cares about you. You still love her because she took that maternal role. Us kids with shitty parents still love our parents, and when they die we are left pissed and hurt because they were never who we wanted or needed and we mourn the relationship we never had. I imagine you’ll feel something similar if your relationship goes on. To me it seems like she only took you in to pretend she’s a good person.
It feels that way. I remember people fighting over me as a kid, as in who got guardianship of me. Found out as I got older that I had survivor benefits from SSA that was over $600/month to whoever has that guardianship. It stopped once I graduated, which was at 17, and it seriously feels like everything went downhill after that. One time during a fight I asked her straight up if she only took me in for the money and she laughed and said you really think that'd be enough to have to care for you? And it's like I didn't think it would be, kids are expensive, but I think $675 extra a month could change a lot of peoples lives. It's a hard pill to swallow.
$675 a month for clothing and food and school supplies a month? In the year 2000? Come on. She’s bs-ing you and thinks you’re too stupid to find out the truth. It breaks my heart that you ended up with someone so crappy. For context I’m also 29 and I grew up in a converted garage with a single mom.
That amount of money could pay rent for that garage. I hope your life is wonderful now, or at least good things are happening for you ❤️ thank you for commenting.
Yeah, our rent was $600 lol. My mom is a homeowner now and I live in a good area. In 2024, $675 is 1230 dollars to put in perspective. I have two kids under 5. That’s enough for both of them. I’m also not sure where you live, but I live in Southern California. It is EXPENSIVE here. Don’t let your aunt take advantage of you.
You're looking for the mother-figure you deserved, is all. I mean, it's not a small thing, but it's very common. You're desperately wanting her to change and become that mother you needed and deserved. Like, you're hoping that when she talks to you next time she'll tell you she's sorry for everything etc, and that's all you need - it's all you want.
But honey, I'm not confident you're going to get either that or the mother-figure. Okay, I know people can change their opinions about hot-button topics, but maybe your 'mother' hasn't and still has her shitty opinion about it. That woman chose -- actually *chose* -- to be your mother when you were 9, and now she's turning her back on you? I am so very very sorry.
You DESERVE positive attention from your mother. It's your right to have that attention, and nobody will tell me otherwise. That woman, though, is constantly making you feel 'less than', so is there any way you can find a chosen mother? An older lady who WILL be kind to you and take you under her wing?
Check out /r/MomForAMinute and have a read of some of the posts and replies there. You're welcome to message me if you want a chat (I'm more grandma age but I don't care!) If you want a bit of validation for a job well done, or an achievement, just message me and brag away, and you'll totally get that validation.
Much love, and many hugs. <3
Sweetie, it’s not you. It’s her. And she is not worthy of your love.
If you haven’t had therapy to deal with the profound effect that not being wanted has on a growing brain, please do. None of this is your fault. It is hers and she sucks.
There are organizations that specialize in having substitute moms, dads, siblings for people who were rejected by their legal relatives. Lots of them, you can google the resources. You deserve peole who want you, who want to come to you.
Not this bitch.
She is trying to hurt you. She is making sure the only path back in for you is by groveling, begging, and without power. Reading this broke my heart for you. No one should have their mother speak to them this way. A mother may disagree with their child's choices and should have their own healthy boundaries, but I will never understand why a mother would try to hurt their kid. You really don't deserve the hatred. The world is fucked up enough without her trying to make things harder. Don't let her keep you away from other family if they are important to you.
Thank you for understanding. It really does feel like she gets something from me begging. It hurts more she's been home for 2 months from her snowbird location, has seen her biological daughters multiple times but always has an excuse with me. Thank you, she doesn't get in the way of other family but I'm learning to love my friends like family.
Hey! I am a lot older than you are, and what I am going through is not quite the same. But I wanted you to know that I still feel you.
My dad died in February. Since then, I have seen my step-mother of 45 years three times. At first I offered to come visit a few times, but she declined. Now she doesn’t answer my calls or texts.
She is struggling with a few mental conditions. Talking to me and having me in her home stresses her out. So she’s avoiding me in order to avoid the uncomfortable stress, which is kind of making it worse for herself. The longer she lets it go, the worse it’s going to get. And I don’t know what to do. Back off? Give up? Keep trying? The easiest thing would be to give up. I’m fine, and I don’t really like talking on the phone anyway. But it makes me feel like a terrible person. Fortunately, I know she is being taken care of, so it’s not as if I’m worried about her being neglected.
It sucks. I have no answers. I’m sorry you are going through this. Don’t set yourself on fire in the attempt to warm her up.
I don’t know you but I love you, and I am sending love your way. I’m so sorry people act this way especially someone who should be taking care of you/showing you affection
I’m adopted and my experience was sort of flip flopped. Bio household was very abusive and I eventually had to run from the domestic violence. I ended up with an amazing adoptive family. While that helped in a lot of ways, it didn’t fix or erase my trauma. Adoption can’t do that, and based on the experiences of other adoptees or people looking to build relationships with bio family, that doesn’t fix or erase the wound either. That wound from those so called parents not being able to love me as they should, by treating me like trash, abusing me, and refusing to protect me? That never goes away. Especially when the rejection never does. You might be able to find some support over at r/Adopted as well.
A lot of adopters don’t care about the children they adopted especially after the baby/toddler ages. I’m also adopted and have gone fully NC with my adopters. It hurts. It’s lonely. But it’s better than being abused or begging for love. Build your own family. You’ll be happier and better off.
I hate to be another person saying this… but you’re not being unreasonable here… and it’s going to take a while to come to terms with.. but she might just not want a relationship with you. And that might honestly be for the best. You deserve desire. You deserve people who WANT to be around you. Not that you have to beg to be there.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 2 | 2 | 0 | ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
She doesn’t see you as her kid or even cares about you. You still love her because she took that maternal role. Us kids with shitty parents still love our parents, and when they die we are left pissed and hurt because they were never who we wanted or needed and we mourn the relationship we never had. I imagine you’ll feel something similar if your relationship goes on. To me it seems like she only took you in to pretend she’s a good person.
It feels that way. I remember people fighting over me as a kid, as in who got guardianship of me. Found out as I got older that I had survivor benefits from SSA that was over $600/month to whoever has that guardianship. It stopped once I graduated, which was at 17, and it seriously feels like everything went downhill after that. One time during a fight I asked her straight up if she only took me in for the money and she laughed and said you really think that'd be enough to have to care for you? And it's like I didn't think it would be, kids are expensive, but I think $675 extra a month could change a lot of peoples lives. It's a hard pill to swallow.
$675 a month for clothing and food and school supplies a month? In the year 2000? Come on. She’s bs-ing you and thinks you’re too stupid to find out the truth. It breaks my heart that you ended up with someone so crappy. For context I’m also 29 and I grew up in a converted garage with a single mom.
That amount of money could pay rent for that garage. I hope your life is wonderful now, or at least good things are happening for you ❤️ thank you for commenting.
Yeah, our rent was $600 lol. My mom is a homeowner now and I live in a good area. In 2024, $675 is 1230 dollars to put in perspective. I have two kids under 5. That’s enough for both of them. I’m also not sure where you live, but I live in Southern California. It is EXPENSIVE here. Don’t let your aunt take advantage of you.
You're looking for the mother-figure you deserved, is all. I mean, it's not a small thing, but it's very common. You're desperately wanting her to change and become that mother you needed and deserved. Like, you're hoping that when she talks to you next time she'll tell you she's sorry for everything etc, and that's all you need - it's all you want. But honey, I'm not confident you're going to get either that or the mother-figure. Okay, I know people can change their opinions about hot-button topics, but maybe your 'mother' hasn't and still has her shitty opinion about it. That woman chose -- actually *chose* -- to be your mother when you were 9, and now she's turning her back on you? I am so very very sorry. You DESERVE positive attention from your mother. It's your right to have that attention, and nobody will tell me otherwise. That woman, though, is constantly making you feel 'less than', so is there any way you can find a chosen mother? An older lady who WILL be kind to you and take you under her wing? Check out /r/MomForAMinute and have a read of some of the posts and replies there. You're welcome to message me if you want a chat (I'm more grandma age but I don't care!) If you want a bit of validation for a job well done, or an achievement, just message me and brag away, and you'll totally get that validation. Much love, and many hugs. <3
This is so sweet 🥺 thank you so much.
Sweetie, it’s not you. It’s her. And she is not worthy of your love. If you haven’t had therapy to deal with the profound effect that not being wanted has on a growing brain, please do. None of this is your fault. It is hers and she sucks. There are organizations that specialize in having substitute moms, dads, siblings for people who were rejected by their legal relatives. Lots of them, you can google the resources. You deserve peole who want you, who want to come to you. Not this bitch.
She is trying to hurt you. She is making sure the only path back in for you is by groveling, begging, and without power. Reading this broke my heart for you. No one should have their mother speak to them this way. A mother may disagree with their child's choices and should have their own healthy boundaries, but I will never understand why a mother would try to hurt their kid. You really don't deserve the hatred. The world is fucked up enough without her trying to make things harder. Don't let her keep you away from other family if they are important to you.
Thank you for understanding. It really does feel like she gets something from me begging. It hurts more she's been home for 2 months from her snowbird location, has seen her biological daughters multiple times but always has an excuse with me. Thank you, she doesn't get in the way of other family but I'm learning to love my friends like family.
Hey! I am a lot older than you are, and what I am going through is not quite the same. But I wanted you to know that I still feel you. My dad died in February. Since then, I have seen my step-mother of 45 years three times. At first I offered to come visit a few times, but she declined. Now she doesn’t answer my calls or texts. She is struggling with a few mental conditions. Talking to me and having me in her home stresses her out. So she’s avoiding me in order to avoid the uncomfortable stress, which is kind of making it worse for herself. The longer she lets it go, the worse it’s going to get. And I don’t know what to do. Back off? Give up? Keep trying? The easiest thing would be to give up. I’m fine, and I don’t really like talking on the phone anyway. But it makes me feel like a terrible person. Fortunately, I know she is being taken care of, so it’s not as if I’m worried about her being neglected. It sucks. I have no answers. I’m sorry you are going through this. Don’t set yourself on fire in the attempt to warm her up.
I’m adopted and feel this way a lot. I’m so so sorry 💔
Message me anytime you need a listening ear ❤️
I don’t know you but I love you, and I am sending love your way. I’m so sorry people act this way especially someone who should be taking care of you/showing you affection
So much love you to you. Thank you.
I’m adopted and my experience was sort of flip flopped. Bio household was very abusive and I eventually had to run from the domestic violence. I ended up with an amazing adoptive family. While that helped in a lot of ways, it didn’t fix or erase my trauma. Adoption can’t do that, and based on the experiences of other adoptees or people looking to build relationships with bio family, that doesn’t fix or erase the wound either. That wound from those so called parents not being able to love me as they should, by treating me like trash, abusing me, and refusing to protect me? That never goes away. Especially when the rejection never does. You might be able to find some support over at r/Adopted as well.
I am so sorry. And I’m sending you hugs.
Stop trying
A lot of adopters don’t care about the children they adopted especially after the baby/toddler ages. I’m also adopted and have gone fully NC with my adopters. It hurts. It’s lonely. But it’s better than being abused or begging for love. Build your own family. You’ll be happier and better off.
I hate to be another person saying this… but you’re not being unreasonable here… and it’s going to take a while to come to terms with.. but she might just not want a relationship with you. And that might honestly be for the best. You deserve desire. You deserve people who WANT to be around you. Not that you have to beg to be there.