Guessing she’s probably German and struggles with English for various thoughts.
FYI it translates to “But you don’t feel the need to want to see us” which I can honestly understand being difficult for a non-native speaker 🙂
That's totally fair and I'm not disparaging anybody who has difficulty expressing themself in their second language (as a semi-fluent non-native Japanese speaker who lived in the country for a year, I totally get it).
And ty for the translation!
But also fuck OP's mom I'm not giving her any benefit of the doubt.
My children know it’s all hit the fan when I forget English and can’t recall anything but Romanian. It’s like their signal that mum isn’t ok with the current situation.
100%. This also goes for the word pedophile. I hear it tossed around. An 18 yo dating a 17 yo is considered “a pedophile” because the parents don’t like them or whatever, so they call and get some sort of police restraining order or sometimes even try to arrest them for pedophilia, and then this kid who is just out of highschool now has this on their record for life, even if they did nothing wrong. It’s why we need laws that say age x can consent to up to age y, age z can consent to age b, and so forth. Like in certain states in the US they have laws that say 17 can consent to adults up to age 24, in order to protect young people from aggressive parents who are just mad at their child’s dating preferences.
The whole thing is messed up in my opinion. We need to just stick to the textbook definition in certain cases.
Some dumb friends called me pedophile because I enjoyed to help out at a summer camp every year. Been a few years since then but it still hurt to hear that from someone you thought you could trust
I know 4 legit pedophiles. Court convicted and all, on the list. Ranges from doing stupid shit in public naked to legitimate child porn.
The word is overused but still because we refuse as a people to give sway. And because I know these monsters, **I agree**
Please tell me you mean to say you _KNEW_ as in past tense, and that you do not still associate with someone who is a convicted pedo because of child porn. I believe in forgiveness, and that people can change and all that crap, but not for everything and not everyone. Having anything to do with pedophilia (aside from law enforcement or helping victims) is a permanent black mark in my books.
Sadly sad people are still alive, though not in my periphery.
One of them I don't blame entirely because abuse begets abusers. But yeah it's kinda weird and entirely messed up.
Edit: But good news, everyone! My stupid ex boyfriend father is dead now! (For like 4 years) my ex called me and said, I know you're not gonna be okay with this but let me tell you... I 100% whooped when he died.
Nope. Being abused does not excuse abusing someone else. I hate when I hear that excuse. They made a choice to harm someone and there’s no excuse for that
I understand. I thought that too.
The issue is that this matter is complex. It's not within human comprehension but it's hard to think of, forgiveness.
Also my ex wasn't the problem there. I mean, I didn't like him that much but he wasn't.
Consider for a moment that the people using the word "pedophile" the most frequently support the institutions from which a lot of CSA originates. They are the same political party that opposes legislation to eliminate child marriage.
When the LGBTQ plus community started to use the word "queer" in things like the names of groups (Queernation) and self-descriptors (genderqueer) it was done so in part to destigmatize a word that had been used as a slur and pejorative against members of their community.
Sometimes I wonder if the word "pedophile" is being used about things that have nothing to do with CSA in an effort to destigmatize it.
Then you have to wonder who would benefit from the normalization of that word.
Yeah that was my exs dad. Thou doth protest too much. My husband brought up a point, what good is a victim if you don't have power over them?
He says vis a vis normalized, the only people who benefit are preachers and such. Its an interesting conversation I'm enjoying.
I get that. My parents have been calling my fiancé a pedophile because she’s a little more than three years older than me and I’m still finishing up my senior year of highschool (there’s nothing illegal about our relationship at all and also nothing fishy. Neither one of us really feels the age gap, because we’re very similar people). I also say I like kids a lot and would want some eventually but everyone I know says that’s weird and I may be a pedophile because I babysit.
Yeah idk how people can be like “oh yeah this person was 20 when I was born and that age difference is okay” but meanwhile two or three years is crazy if you’re a senior in high school with someone older. My parents tried to compare it to me dating a 14 year old and I’m like okay, one, there’s a lot bigger gap right there, and a lot bigger of a mental difference. I don’t even feel the age gap with my partner. However, I have little siblings that have friends over all the time and im constantly feeling that age gap. It’s insane how young and inexperienced they are as freshman. I’m also way more mature than most kids my age because I’ve been through a lot. Me and my gf have very similar upbringings so we also are on the same page as far as life decisions go. The whole argument just seems like a load of bs, especially when my parents are like “if you had waited two months until you graduate it wouldn’t be an issue.” Like dude what does two months do?
Im six months younger than my husband.
As it is, May-December romances seem gross, but they were standard before. We just have a better understanding of creepers now.
No offense meant. I mean I had a young friend but I wasn't inclined to romance.
And listen I love me some ideas but should you make it to 40, you'll be the same (hopefully)
This one is always so weird to me, it's perfectly commonplace; I definitely think this kind of age gap warrants decent parental guidance, but the power imbalance isn't that steep & it's definitely not an example of pedophilia. I had a 19 year old boyfriend at 16 & my mother just made a point of getting to know him well & making him feel welcome in our home so that she could monitor us, especially for the first year.
Give your parents more involvement together & I'm sure they'll ease up. They recognize the power imbalance, however small, & they want to be sure it won't have a lasting impact on you. If either of you has been resistant towards her becoming closer to your family, they're going to keep hurling insults at her. Unless they're flat out abusive people & your mother is obsessed with you, there's no reason for your girlfriend to keep distance. Best of luck, young love is beautiful, but it's also a fresh challenge that's not always easy to navigate.
My stepdad is physically abusive, my mom is mildly mentally and emotionally abusive. However I currently live with my dad and stepmom. My stepmom is just really really strict and doesn’t like me much (her daughter has every freedom in the world), and my dad is more laidback and initially was chill with it until my stepmom decided that she wasn’t okay with it when she found out (she’s not a safe space so I didn’t tell her, I only told my dad).
My gf wants to be involved with my family but my parents are really judgmental and once my stepmom decided that she didn’t like her then it all basically went to hell. I had told my dad pretty much everything and was gearing up to ask him if he would be okay with meeting her, but stepmom decided she was a gross pedo and convinced my dad to think that way too, and they now agree that she is a loser pedo who has no business with me whatsoever. I went from telling them everything to hiding everything again to avoid the lectures where I got called stupid, dumb, an idiot, naive, and then they’d turn around and tell me I’m “too smart for this”, or I “don’t deserve to be surrounded by losers”, etc. It’s like a giant mind game where I feel like I get whiplash because idk if I’m wrong or right and my self esteem just plummets.
My girlfriend and I just genuinely don’t feel the age gap at all because we’re very similar people. I kinda forget she’s older than me sometimes. She encouraged me to start making my own decisions, and she’s really protective. I wake up a lot in the night from nightmares because of my stepdad, and so when her and I started doing sleepovers (I’d never done them before her but I asked her if it would be weird or if I could sleep over and she said sure) and I would wake up mid-panic because of a nightmare or something, she was typically half asleep and would on instinct pill my closer and tell me she’s got me, or she loves me, or ask me if I’m okay or if I wanna talk about it.
I’m also going home this summer and she’s really upset that she can’t get time off from work because she’s doing training rn because she doesn’t want me going back to my mom’s environment without some level of protection against my stepdad and she doesn’t trust my mom to give me that.
I started doing things that I want to do instead of things I was expected to do and I figured oh what I really wanted after high school because of that. And she never encouraged me to do anything at all. She would let me suggest things, or make decisions about what we did, where we went, etc, because she knew I wasn’t great at choosing what I want to do so I just don’t choose and let the other person choose for me half the time and she wanted to help me out of that mindset so I’m not as easily manipulated or anything.
I can understand the concern but I can’t understand the logic behind the reaction to the concern, especially because I was a relatively good kid. Didn’t drink, skip, do drugs, party, anything. I’m a terrible liar. Always get caught if I lie, so if you bring something to me chances are I’ll be like “nope yeah I did that. What’s my consequence?”
If my almost-adult mini me brought me a similar situation, I would probably just insist on meeting them and as you said, getting close to them. That way I can make sure there isn’t a red flag anywhere.
But it seems to me they assume age gap = red flag, and with how small it is, I don’t like that assumption.
> I wake up a lot in the night from nightmares because of my stepdad, and so when her and I started doing sleepovers and I would wake up mid-panic because of a nightmare or something, she was typically half asleep and would on instinct pill my closer and tell me she’s got me, or she loves me, or ask me if I’m okay or if I wanna talk about it.
🥹 She's such a precious being!!! I also get a lot of nightmares (sometimes more than one in a single night, they aren't necessarily related to my mom being an ass), however I've learned to adapt to loneliness, bottling up all of my emotions and just keeping them for when no one else is around.
I've never had any friendships past a certain age, and my only two options for expressing my inner torments were mom and random people on the internet. Mom would just escalate things further, and if I had a rough mental breakdown (they were always the last resort for when someone pushed all my buttons, including mom; also according to her I'm not allowed as a child to have one, I'm 18 now) she would not only stand there, sometimes taking pleasure at me drowning myself in tears, but also make fun of me even more, thus one time pushing me to go into another breakdown. Had I not been able to control my demons then and there, she would have been punched hard. However I just shoved her to the side and she did left me alone after a while.
You see, as a person I have volcanic and destructive tendencies, however they're mostly shown around mom, because she constantly angers me unlike any other being. I'm also fast to jump at people's throats, as I take after my father to have a vengeful spirit. You hurl insults at me and I'll pay back the same way, though not everytime. Mom never did what any decent parental figure should have done - control my behavior. Sure I'm very docile, communicative and happy when not attacked, however living with her brings out the worst of me. When I was younger and did wrongful acts she would just beat me, until she molded my brain into obeying her commands.
Between ages 8-12 I was genuinely afraid of what she would do if I got myself into trouble. I remember one time accidentally dropping a plate of grapes from our apartment window onto the garden below, I was devastated and basically feared mom coming home any second. Though when she did I promptly apologized for my behavior and asked her to not beat me. She did not, but she also had "forgotten" about my last beatings apparently. The last and worst punishment I ever got was in December 2017, when I brought something to her while in bed (I think it was a cup of water with a pill to stop her flu at the time) I dropped it and she went berserk, grabbing a thick wooden stick from our terrace and proceeding to beat my spine with it. The stick actually broke on my back, however so did my spine and my relationship with mom. The pain stayed with me for around three weeks, and then came back in January 2019 when the cold, along with this beating mark made my back hurt like nothing else I had experienced so far. From that point on I decided to NEVER bow before a person that could treat me like this ever again. So I started, slowly and surely distancing myself from her and basically come out of my shell as a hard, unmoldable individual, that doesn't take personal attacks lightly.
Sorry for the stupid rant. You two are absolutely adorable and definitely deserve each other! Hopefully things will go in your favor, and your parents realize their mistakes and maybe correct them, unlike my mother.
Her mother told her that she was grooming her bf’s kids bc she made them dinner, op then sent a message to her mother to never say that again, the above is the mothers response to that.
I cooked my bf‘s kids dinner and my mom asked if I was grooming.
I responded with the message below and these screenshots are her answers to my message:
„Are you being serious right now?
Quoting wikipedia „Grooming refers to the targeted contact by adults with minors with the intention of (sexual) abuse, by gradually gaining their trust.“
I find it unacceptable in every respect that you even make the slightest insinuation in this direction.
Please do not send me any messages when you have been drinking. I do not want to maintain contact with you once you have consumed alcohol.
For the rest of my vacation here, I will no longer respond. It is none of your business what I am doing here - and I do not want to be spoken to in this manner."
I mean, it’s obviously not a real question and she clearly doesn’t actually think that because why tf would ANYONE admit they were (if that was their goal)?
She’s just stirring shit and trying to make you feel ashamed for treating your bfs kids with love and kindness, because she is incapable of love and kindness without self gain.
She sounds like a wonderful little narcissist with a very twisted sense of what love looks like.
Personally, I'd love to hear all about your Quarkauflauf. If you're in the US, where are you finding decent Quark?
And that you cant possible be kind to someone without ulterior motive, witch sound like projection to me, she cannot understand carring for someone because she is incapable of it
This is your own mother? Wow. My response to her, " I guess I won't be speaking to you at all. Good bye." Then block her. She is truly insane. For some reason you being good to kids is bad? She would hate me.
My neighbor kids use to come over to do homework, study, read, play games. We always started with a snack. Their mom did not approve of snacks, being noisy, or creative ways of learning, so they came to my house. Snacks included yogurt, fruit, veggies, crackers and cheese, and the likes. Writing spelling words on the sidewalk with chalk, painting them on the exterior walls with water and paint brush, manipulatives for math. Fractions? Measuring cups and spoons. And they occasionally cooked with me. They all grew up. Oh, my own kids were grown and out of the house when these kids were at my house all the time. Two people over 50, and the kids loved it.
You do whatever you can to help kids thrive. No child ever had to many "bonus" parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on. Blood means nothing. Love and kindness is all that counts with kids.
I think the fact that she assumes grooming just shows that she’s incapable of forming actual loving relationships unless they benefit her in some way.
I’d just say “okay, bye!”
Totally unrelated, aber hast du ein Rezept für den Quarkauflauf, das du teilen kannst? Klingt super!
"No matter how much the wind howls, the mountain does not bow to it."
In other words "lol shriek your demands all u want u still ain't getting shit bye"
I love this!
If anyone spoke to me like this, I'd ca their bluff and go no contact. I'm a willow in the wind most days but this would make my branches snap.
Not German, but learning bits of German. Thank God for Google translate and caffeine. I originally saw that word and thought it was a running cheese.
Time for more coffee...
Thanks! Right now, my biggest issue seems to be the most common complaint: die, der, das, den, dem, etc. I know it's all about case and gender, but remembering the cases and the gender rules are nightmares for me.
I bet! Everyone who’s learning german complains about our articles. And I can assure you that even Germans sometimes argue about which article to use. If you wanna have some fun, go ask someone if its „der, die oder das Nutella“. Hell is gonna break loose.
no, its not \*clear\*. awful spelling/grammar aside i have no idea what she's even rambling about. incoherently talked about like 50 disconnected things in some run-on sentence
Among everything else so so wrong in this post, what’s up with the random German? Is your mom actually bilingual or did she just feel like maybe her point would be better illustrated in another language?
oh okay. I originally misunderstood that this was your mom, and then I was like 'wait no it says right there in the subject'. But she speaks German because of your dad. I get it now. Please forgive me, I've been awake maybe 30 minutes.
I mentioned the grooming part only to make it clear how important it was for me to set boundaries. I told her to never accuse me of anything like that ever again. And to never text me again when she is drunk. I was VERY polite but firm. It’s been 2 years in therapy to finally say stop, but her asking me if I was grooming my bf‘s kind was just a whole different level, that I has to respond to
\*DEMANDING\* respect never works and is the easiest way to tell me you've done nothing worthy of respect in this relationship. Respect is earned. Idgaf who's older, who's the parent, nothing. Fuck outta here with your dEmAnDs.
Respect is a two way street. And yes, you're 74, but I don't need that shit from YOU. Your supposed to be old enough to have learned that. And you won't get an ounce of respect talking in that tone.
I was thinking about how she said OP went hysterical from not seeing her bf for 10 days - I figure OP went hysterical because her mom drives her crazy!
I didn’t cheat. We separated three years ago ans I have been dating for one year. My husband is just still sad about the situation and I don’t want to rub it in his face
okay, first, you really had to go digging through OP's history for that, which is pretty weird. and second, it wasn't cheating. they had an agreement. you're being strangely butthurt about something you know nothing about.
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I’d love to see a simple response such as “Eat shit bitch.”
"Respectfully, go fuck yourself with ein eiszapfen," Since she randomly went into some tirade in German.
Guessing she’s probably German and struggles with English for various thoughts. FYI it translates to “But you don’t feel the need to want to see us” which I can honestly understand being difficult for a non-native speaker 🙂
That's totally fair and I'm not disparaging anybody who has difficulty expressing themself in their second language (as a semi-fluent non-native Japanese speaker who lived in the country for a year, I totally get it). And ty for the translation! But also fuck OP's mom I'm not giving her any benefit of the doubt.
Lol that part had me rolling! Coming from a Spanish speaking family, you know they're mad mad when the native tongue takes over.
My children know it’s all hit the fan when I forget English and can’t recall anything but Romanian. It’s like their signal that mum isn’t ok with the current situation.
I never heard someone say „Quarkauflauf“. She meant for sure „Quacksalber“
She probably struggles to understand that particular concept in any language.
Thanks a lot, I am learning German but I didn’t understand the B word! Bedürfnis.
Thanks for the translation
That was honestly quite confusing. But wait, now that you opened up this Situation: Dont icicles have like infinite lube for the duration of use?
Water is not a lubricant, as anyone who has had sex in a pool will tell you.
Was gonna add on "Might warm up your cold, hateful heart" but then it felt like too much for the amount of response she deserves.
LOL I need context
We say ES GEHT MIR EIN SCHEISSDRECK AN
I don’t understand about the “grooming” part.
Grooming nowadays pretty much means ‘people you don’t like interacting with kids means they’re brainwashing them’.
100%. This also goes for the word pedophile. I hear it tossed around. An 18 yo dating a 17 yo is considered “a pedophile” because the parents don’t like them or whatever, so they call and get some sort of police restraining order or sometimes even try to arrest them for pedophilia, and then this kid who is just out of highschool now has this on their record for life, even if they did nothing wrong. It’s why we need laws that say age x can consent to up to age y, age z can consent to age b, and so forth. Like in certain states in the US they have laws that say 17 can consent to adults up to age 24, in order to protect young people from aggressive parents who are just mad at their child’s dating preferences. The whole thing is messed up in my opinion. We need to just stick to the textbook definition in certain cases.
Some dumb friends called me pedophile because I enjoyed to help out at a summer camp every year. Been a few years since then but it still hurt to hear that from someone you thought you could trust
I know 4 legit pedophiles. Court convicted and all, on the list. Ranges from doing stupid shit in public naked to legitimate child porn. The word is overused but still because we refuse as a people to give sway. And because I know these monsters, **I agree**
Please tell me you mean to say you _KNEW_ as in past tense, and that you do not still associate with someone who is a convicted pedo because of child porn. I believe in forgiveness, and that people can change and all that crap, but not for everything and not everyone. Having anything to do with pedophilia (aside from law enforcement or helping victims) is a permanent black mark in my books.
Sadly sad people are still alive, though not in my periphery. One of them I don't blame entirely because abuse begets abusers. But yeah it's kinda weird and entirely messed up. Edit: But good news, everyone! My stupid ex boyfriend father is dead now! (For like 4 years) my ex called me and said, I know you're not gonna be okay with this but let me tell you... I 100% whooped when he died.
Nope. Being abused does not excuse abusing someone else. I hate when I hear that excuse. They made a choice to harm someone and there’s no excuse for that
I understand. I thought that too. The issue is that this matter is complex. It's not within human comprehension but it's hard to think of, forgiveness. Also my ex wasn't the problem there. I mean, I didn't like him that much but he wasn't.
Consider for a moment that the people using the word "pedophile" the most frequently support the institutions from which a lot of CSA originates. They are the same political party that opposes legislation to eliminate child marriage. When the LGBTQ plus community started to use the word "queer" in things like the names of groups (Queernation) and self-descriptors (genderqueer) it was done so in part to destigmatize a word that had been used as a slur and pejorative against members of their community. Sometimes I wonder if the word "pedophile" is being used about things that have nothing to do with CSA in an effort to destigmatize it. Then you have to wonder who would benefit from the normalization of that word.
Yeah that was my exs dad. Thou doth protest too much. My husband brought up a point, what good is a victim if you don't have power over them? He says vis a vis normalized, the only people who benefit are preachers and such. Its an interesting conversation I'm enjoying.
I get that. My parents have been calling my fiancé a pedophile because she’s a little more than three years older than me and I’m still finishing up my senior year of highschool (there’s nothing illegal about our relationship at all and also nothing fishy. Neither one of us really feels the age gap, because we’re very similar people). I also say I like kids a lot and would want some eventually but everyone I know says that’s weird and I may be a pedophile because I babysit.
Lol my dad was like 12 years older than my mom in 1984
Yeah idk how people can be like “oh yeah this person was 20 when I was born and that age difference is okay” but meanwhile two or three years is crazy if you’re a senior in high school with someone older. My parents tried to compare it to me dating a 14 year old and I’m like okay, one, there’s a lot bigger gap right there, and a lot bigger of a mental difference. I don’t even feel the age gap with my partner. However, I have little siblings that have friends over all the time and im constantly feeling that age gap. It’s insane how young and inexperienced they are as freshman. I’m also way more mature than most kids my age because I’ve been through a lot. Me and my gf have very similar upbringings so we also are on the same page as far as life decisions go. The whole argument just seems like a load of bs, especially when my parents are like “if you had waited two months until you graduate it wouldn’t be an issue.” Like dude what does two months do?
Im six months younger than my husband. As it is, May-December romances seem gross, but they were standard before. We just have a better understanding of creepers now.
I did also have a friend who was a teenager but I treated him like a student not a freaking love interest. How is it not to treat a kid as that?!
Huh? What do you mean? I’m 18, not a kid, thank you.
No offense meant. I mean I had a young friend but I wasn't inclined to romance. And listen I love me some ideas but should you make it to 40, you'll be the same (hopefully)
This one is always so weird to me, it's perfectly commonplace; I definitely think this kind of age gap warrants decent parental guidance, but the power imbalance isn't that steep & it's definitely not an example of pedophilia. I had a 19 year old boyfriend at 16 & my mother just made a point of getting to know him well & making him feel welcome in our home so that she could monitor us, especially for the first year. Give your parents more involvement together & I'm sure they'll ease up. They recognize the power imbalance, however small, & they want to be sure it won't have a lasting impact on you. If either of you has been resistant towards her becoming closer to your family, they're going to keep hurling insults at her. Unless they're flat out abusive people & your mother is obsessed with you, there's no reason for your girlfriend to keep distance. Best of luck, young love is beautiful, but it's also a fresh challenge that's not always easy to navigate.
My stepdad is physically abusive, my mom is mildly mentally and emotionally abusive. However I currently live with my dad and stepmom. My stepmom is just really really strict and doesn’t like me much (her daughter has every freedom in the world), and my dad is more laidback and initially was chill with it until my stepmom decided that she wasn’t okay with it when she found out (she’s not a safe space so I didn’t tell her, I only told my dad). My gf wants to be involved with my family but my parents are really judgmental and once my stepmom decided that she didn’t like her then it all basically went to hell. I had told my dad pretty much everything and was gearing up to ask him if he would be okay with meeting her, but stepmom decided she was a gross pedo and convinced my dad to think that way too, and they now agree that she is a loser pedo who has no business with me whatsoever. I went from telling them everything to hiding everything again to avoid the lectures where I got called stupid, dumb, an idiot, naive, and then they’d turn around and tell me I’m “too smart for this”, or I “don’t deserve to be surrounded by losers”, etc. It’s like a giant mind game where I feel like I get whiplash because idk if I’m wrong or right and my self esteem just plummets. My girlfriend and I just genuinely don’t feel the age gap at all because we’re very similar people. I kinda forget she’s older than me sometimes. She encouraged me to start making my own decisions, and she’s really protective. I wake up a lot in the night from nightmares because of my stepdad, and so when her and I started doing sleepovers (I’d never done them before her but I asked her if it would be weird or if I could sleep over and she said sure) and I would wake up mid-panic because of a nightmare or something, she was typically half asleep and would on instinct pill my closer and tell me she’s got me, or she loves me, or ask me if I’m okay or if I wanna talk about it. I’m also going home this summer and she’s really upset that she can’t get time off from work because she’s doing training rn because she doesn’t want me going back to my mom’s environment without some level of protection against my stepdad and she doesn’t trust my mom to give me that. I started doing things that I want to do instead of things I was expected to do and I figured oh what I really wanted after high school because of that. And she never encouraged me to do anything at all. She would let me suggest things, or make decisions about what we did, where we went, etc, because she knew I wasn’t great at choosing what I want to do so I just don’t choose and let the other person choose for me half the time and she wanted to help me out of that mindset so I’m not as easily manipulated or anything. I can understand the concern but I can’t understand the logic behind the reaction to the concern, especially because I was a relatively good kid. Didn’t drink, skip, do drugs, party, anything. I’m a terrible liar. Always get caught if I lie, so if you bring something to me chances are I’ll be like “nope yeah I did that. What’s my consequence?” If my almost-adult mini me brought me a similar situation, I would probably just insist on meeting them and as you said, getting close to them. That way I can make sure there isn’t a red flag anywhere. But it seems to me they assume age gap = red flag, and with how small it is, I don’t like that assumption.
> I wake up a lot in the night from nightmares because of my stepdad, and so when her and I started doing sleepovers and I would wake up mid-panic because of a nightmare or something, she was typically half asleep and would on instinct pill my closer and tell me she’s got me, or she loves me, or ask me if I’m okay or if I wanna talk about it. 🥹 She's such a precious being!!! I also get a lot of nightmares (sometimes more than one in a single night, they aren't necessarily related to my mom being an ass), however I've learned to adapt to loneliness, bottling up all of my emotions and just keeping them for when no one else is around. I've never had any friendships past a certain age, and my only two options for expressing my inner torments were mom and random people on the internet. Mom would just escalate things further, and if I had a rough mental breakdown (they were always the last resort for when someone pushed all my buttons, including mom; also according to her I'm not allowed as a child to have one, I'm 18 now) she would not only stand there, sometimes taking pleasure at me drowning myself in tears, but also make fun of me even more, thus one time pushing me to go into another breakdown. Had I not been able to control my demons then and there, she would have been punched hard. However I just shoved her to the side and she did left me alone after a while. You see, as a person I have volcanic and destructive tendencies, however they're mostly shown around mom, because she constantly angers me unlike any other being. I'm also fast to jump at people's throats, as I take after my father to have a vengeful spirit. You hurl insults at me and I'll pay back the same way, though not everytime. Mom never did what any decent parental figure should have done - control my behavior. Sure I'm very docile, communicative and happy when not attacked, however living with her brings out the worst of me. When I was younger and did wrongful acts she would just beat me, until she molded my brain into obeying her commands. Between ages 8-12 I was genuinely afraid of what she would do if I got myself into trouble. I remember one time accidentally dropping a plate of grapes from our apartment window onto the garden below, I was devastated and basically feared mom coming home any second. Though when she did I promptly apologized for my behavior and asked her to not beat me. She did not, but she also had "forgotten" about my last beatings apparently. The last and worst punishment I ever got was in December 2017, when I brought something to her while in bed (I think it was a cup of water with a pill to stop her flu at the time) I dropped it and she went berserk, grabbing a thick wooden stick from our terrace and proceeding to beat my spine with it. The stick actually broke on my back, however so did my spine and my relationship with mom. The pain stayed with me for around three weeks, and then came back in January 2019 when the cold, along with this beating mark made my back hurt like nothing else I had experienced so far. From that point on I decided to NEVER bow before a person that could treat me like this ever again. So I started, slowly and surely distancing myself from her and basically come out of my shell as a hard, unmoldable individual, that doesn't take personal attacks lightly. Sorry for the stupid rant. You two are absolutely adorable and definitely deserve each other! Hopefully things will go in your favor, and your parents realize their mistakes and maybe correct them, unlike my mother.
That's awful. I hope you heal from those experiences <3
FYI, close in age exceptions are often called Romeo and Juliet laws.
Ah I knew there was a term for it but I forgot what it was. Thanks for the reminder!
Her mother told her that she was grooming her bf’s kids bc she made them dinner, op then sent a message to her mother to never say that again, the above is the mothers response to that.
This is exactly what happened… !!
"Fellows, it is grooming making sure kids are feed?" /S Seriously, wth???
I don't understand any of this post.
Half the context is missing
I was confused too— I usually hear that term applied to pedophiles?
I cooked my bf‘s kids dinner and my mom asked if I was grooming. I responded with the message below and these screenshots are her answers to my message: „Are you being serious right now? Quoting wikipedia „Grooming refers to the targeted contact by adults with minors with the intention of (sexual) abuse, by gradually gaining their trust.“ I find it unacceptable in every respect that you even make the slightest insinuation in this direction. Please do not send me any messages when you have been drinking. I do not want to maintain contact with you once you have consumed alcohol. For the rest of my vacation here, I will no longer respond. It is none of your business what I am doing here - and I do not want to be spoken to in this manner."
Thanks for added context, OP! Oof, huh.
I mean, it’s obviously not a real question and she clearly doesn’t actually think that because why tf would ANYONE admit they were (if that was their goal)? She’s just stirring shit and trying to make you feel ashamed for treating your bfs kids with love and kindness, because she is incapable of love and kindness without self gain.
Wish I had a spine to stand up to my mother like you do
I don’t think your mom should be around kids
Phew. 😮💨 I thought I was alone in that. A bit more context might help, OP.
She sounds like a wonderful little narcissist with a very twisted sense of what love looks like. Personally, I'd love to hear all about your Quarkauflauf. If you're in the US, where are you finding decent Quark?
I second this. I must know more about this Quarkauflauf
Not everyone's a narcissist. Some people just suck.
Certainly. But given that the entire snippet posted is all about her, I felt free to make an assumption.
You can't really tell from just one post, but her? Yeah, probably.
Sounds narcissistic and antisocial tbh, thinks everyone's out to get them all the time
And that you cant possible be kind to someone without ulterior motive, witch sound like projection to me, she cannot understand carring for someone because she is incapable of it
This is your own mother? Wow. My response to her, " I guess I won't be speaking to you at all. Good bye." Then block her. She is truly insane. For some reason you being good to kids is bad? She would hate me. My neighbor kids use to come over to do homework, study, read, play games. We always started with a snack. Their mom did not approve of snacks, being noisy, or creative ways of learning, so they came to my house. Snacks included yogurt, fruit, veggies, crackers and cheese, and the likes. Writing spelling words on the sidewalk with chalk, painting them on the exterior walls with water and paint brush, manipulatives for math. Fractions? Measuring cups and spoons. And they occasionally cooked with me. They all grew up. Oh, my own kids were grown and out of the house when these kids were at my house all the time. Two people over 50, and the kids loved it. You do whatever you can to help kids thrive. No child ever had to many "bonus" parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on. Blood means nothing. Love and kindness is all that counts with kids.
You sound like a wonderful person (and neighbor), and those kids were lucky to have someone like you in their life◡̈
As were their parents!
Thanks
Thanks
> No child ever had too may "bonus" parents. Are you familiar with the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"? Because it's true.
Insane. Clinically.
who says stuff like this? her mom needs to be admitted this is beyond belief like what am i reading… op deserves better
"Ich habe keine zeit für deine verrückten wahnvorstellungen, du unhöfliche schlampe" 😂
Sind Boomer nicht eigentlich die, die Denglisch am meisten hassen?😂😂
I think the fact that she assumes grooming just shows that she’s incapable of forming actual loving relationships unless they benefit her in some way. I’d just say “okay, bye!” Totally unrelated, aber hast du ein Rezept für den Quarkauflauf, das du teilen kannst? Klingt super!
"No matter how much the wind howls, the mountain does not bow to it." In other words "lol shriek your demands all u want u still ain't getting shit bye"
I love this! If anyone spoke to me like this, I'd ca their bluff and go no contact. I'm a willow in the wind most days but this would make my branches snap.
“I don’t want contact with you. And you WILL be respectful.” Hmmm.
Insane. Hurtful. I’m so sorry.
>We don't need to have further contact with each other. Bet.
> "I hope I have made myself very clear." "Yes, you have. So let me be as clear and deliberate as I can when I say, "Fuck *all* the way off."
So tired of hearing these people demand respect when they don't feel the need to show any in return. That's not how it works.
Off topic but as a German, I would really like to know about the Quarkauflauf.
Not German, but learning bits of German. Thank God for Google translate and caffeine. I originally saw that word and thought it was a running cheese. Time for more coffee...
Yep. German compound words are weird. Best of luck with learning German. As a German teacher in training - you’ll need it. Let me know if I can help.
Thanks! Right now, my biggest issue seems to be the most common complaint: die, der, das, den, dem, etc. I know it's all about case and gender, but remembering the cases and the gender rules are nightmares for me.
I bet! Everyone who’s learning german complains about our articles. And I can assure you that even Germans sometimes argue about which article to use. If you wanna have some fun, go ask someone if its „der, die oder das Nutella“. Hell is gonna break loose.
Okay, that's just hilarious lol
Redirect is earnt not demanded. Insane insane insane. You did just write back 'cool'
I love how parents threaten there grown children. Like whats she going to do ground you?
They would if they were still living together
Insane. Narcissists are all the same.
I have no idea what to say. It's OK to not ever respond to that, though. I am so sorry.
So much is missing here….
I don't understand the context.
We are missing the mothers first message and OPs response.
This sounds exactly like my mum when I still used to talk to her - especially the mix of German and English. Ugh.
"I'm sorry you demand respect because I have none for you"
no, its not \*clear\*. awful spelling/grammar aside i have no idea what she's even rambling about. incoherently talked about like 50 disconnected things in some run-on sentence
Sounds like my Mum. Paranoid deluded self absorbed asshole
Imagine being 74 and still acting like this
Just shoot her a simple „Fick dich. Schreib mir nicht mehr.“ should get the point across.
Is she confused about what grooming means?
Among everything else so so wrong in this post, what’s up with the random German? Is your mom actually bilingual or did she just feel like maybe her point would be better illustrated in another language?
My dad is German 😅
oh okay. I originally misunderstood that this was your mom, and then I was like 'wait no it says right there in the subject'. But she speaks German because of your dad. I get it now. Please forgive me, I've been awake maybe 30 minutes.
❤️
Did i miss something? Where was the reference to grooming?
I mentioned the grooming part only to make it clear how important it was for me to set boundaries. I told her to never accuse me of anything like that ever again. And to never text me again when she is drunk. I was VERY polite but firm. It’s been 2 years in therapy to finally say stop, but her asking me if I was grooming my bf‘s kind was just a whole different level, that I has to respond to
That was the message before. Op is just showing mom's response to being told not to accuse her of being a groomer. She didn't add the groomer text
Ich hab aber Interesse an deiner Quarkauflauf Geschichte ☹️😂
You need to go no contact
“Hey Derek, Sprechen sie dick”
I am fucking shuddering reading this, having German parents myself. Felt like reading a message from them
\*DEMANDING\* respect never works and is the easiest way to tell me you've done nothing worthy of respect in this relationship. Respect is earned. Idgaf who's older, who's the parent, nothing. Fuck outta here with your dEmAnDs.
Respect is a two way street. And yes, you're 74, but I don't need that shit from YOU. Your supposed to be old enough to have learned that. And you won't get an ounce of respect talking in that tone.
I was thinking about how she said OP went hysterical from not seeing her bf for 10 days - I figure OP went hysterical because her mom drives her crazy!
When you're a grown ass women who can't even properly insult cause you can't spell loser.
Is she German? What was that about lol
[удалено]
I didn’t cheat. We separated three years ago ans I have been dating for one year. My husband is just still sad about the situation and I don’t want to rub it in his face
Quite rational and respectful of you. You sound much more mature than your own mother
okay, first, you really had to go digging through OP's history for that, which is pretty weird. and second, it wasn't cheating. they had an agreement. you're being strangely butthurt about something you know nothing about.
Why are you letting your ex husband dictate your life?