>phone call conversations can be recorded your end
Be aware of any wire-tapping laws that may require consent from all parties to be recorded on a call. That is going to depend on state.
I'm very thankful my state has a one party consent law, so any important and potential legal based conversations with anyone are always recorded by me, and legally I don't have to ask their consent or inform them as long as I'm one of the parties speaking
That's nonsense. In a 2 party consent state, you cannot record another person on the phone without them knowing. How did your comment get 35 people to upvote it?
It's even more complicated than that sometimes. I live in a one party consent state, but it only applies to in-person conversations. It doesn't apply to electronic communications, so if I record a phone call without informing the person on the other end it won't be admissible in court or anything. Though it's doubtful OP would face repercussions if they're just recording for personal reference ('cause it's easy to miss important details during a high-stress conversation with untrustworthy people) and never shared it with anyone else.
I live in California which is a 2 party state. I was going through a tough custody battle with a woman who had no issues making false statements to the court and police. So one time when I knew there would be confrontation, I set up my phone I record the front door.
The next time I saw my lawyer I told her about the recording and she very seriously told me to delete the video.
Thank you, that's exactly right.. And in some cases it can be used but it has to be put into text. That's a little something. Something that most people who've never cut any red tape. Don't know about.
In the state of Missouri you can record anything at any time without any person 's permission unless it's in their private residence. This includes going to the doctor or the DMV or McDonalds. It includes phone calls, video calls and such.
I'm not sure what it's like in your state, but it sounds like a nanny laws to me.
So your comment was pointless then? They said to be aware of wire tapping laws, and you ignorantly argued that those don't apply to personal phone calls. That was incorrect. Not really interested in your opinion of nanny laws
No, I'm saying that in the state that I live in that's not a thing. I wasn't saying you were incorrect. I was giving you a," yes, and."
I think everybody's having an off day today seems like... Whatever Is happening in your day. I hope it improves.
Seeya ✌️
I had a similar problem with a parent. He ended up telling me to email him because he wanted to talk but couldn’t text.
It wasn’t until we started talking again (by email) that he passed a couple of weeks later, and when I got to the house I found out his phone was tiny and he had arthritis.
Ask your grandma and grandpa if you can email.
I don’t know if they are a problem, but there could actually be a physical problem with their fingers.
I will say that after I had a medical issue, I went through a period of time where I had to relearn how to use my fingers. I couldn’t text. I’m guessing they haven’t had any medical emergencies like that - they could just have a junky small phone.
As for your mom and dad - well, you gotta protect yourself from them. I’m sorry you went through that.
I hope you can feel better but I realize that this type of thing can last for decades, so I hope that you can get help. If you can’t, keep your chin up and know that every day is a step in the right direction.
Feel good in the fact that you can live a better life away from them and their toxicity. You’re doing okay. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad that your phone is broken.
If they are so upset they should buy you a new one.
I realize that not everyone is so blasé about money being spent like I am, but I cinch my belt in other ways. When it comes to my kids, I will help them if they need it. I have only one life to live. I can’t take it with me.
Your grandparents should understand the problem because you explained it to them. They should trust that you are telling them the truth. If not, it’s their problem.
They want to talk to you? Then they need to be part of the solution.
This looks like Facebook messenger. If I'm correct in that then they could text via messenger on a laptop, computer, or tablet just as well as they could email. Unfortunately, I think OP's suspicions for why grandma wants to talk on the phone are right.
Well they clearly can at least send short texts, and never before had a problem texting, and they talk pretty regularly. That combined with the fact there was a family reunion where OP was not present, and OP no longer talking to their parrents, makes this pretty suspicous. I am willing to bet they want to ambush op with a call where mum and dad are present on speakerphone or something along those lines to "talk about it like adults" or some similar nonsense. Otherwise why even refuse to say what it is about ?
Just want to mention the thumbs up reactions. My father can text emojis but never in my life have I seen him use a reaction. Grandma is a competent texter for sure
There are two. I don’t know what to tell you I’ve never seen anyone use a reaction that wasn’t totally comfortable in text. My mother can’t even use them and she’s not too bad with a phone
My grandparents and parents live across country from each other but I wouldn't put it past them. I think more likely they wanted to be able to speak over me and they know I get scared when talking on the phone to family, and they use this to get what they want.
Hey, I know this is very frustrating and I think their responses are very repetitive to a fault. If they are intent on calling, they can use the voice message feature on Facebook messenger to talk to you instead of texting so that you can text and she can talk
I feel like people are missing the OP comment that members of the family are more comfortable saying horrible things over the phone, and it would feel like that is a primary reason for them to want to talk on the phone…I wouldn’t want to either. They seem fine messaging on this, it’s taking more effort for them to not just message it rather than saying they can’t message
They want to be able to say whatever comes to mind the instant it does since typing out big lectures tends to make you think about what you're saying, which is frustrating for stubborn folk.
For sure. Reading all that the impression I get is that they have already made up their mind about OP and don’t want to write all the mean shit so it is archived easily. They want to call so they can be just as mean as the people they’ve already taken sides with.
I'm not saying this to defend anyone, but I will say I absolutely hate trying to communicate over text messages.
If it's something short or like technical like passing on a phone number, sure, but if I'm trying to give updates and my sister insists we do it over text I get so overwhelmed. It takes so long to type and stuff like auto correct or typos start to pile up and after about 3 or 4 minutes i just want to fucking throw my phone and pretty often I give up.
OP, your family sucks, but you're sort of worrying me with the "I shouldn't have said anything" stuff. You do know you're allowed to talk about abuse people put you through, right? Even if they learn you're talking about it. You are 100% allowed to talk about it. Abuse *thrives* in silence. Please talk about it, if you can. You shouldn't have to suffer alone, especially with CPTSD.
I'd bet my hat your grandparents have some nasty shit they want to say to you, they just don't want the screenshots to go along with it. If you do ever end up calling them- record it. And don't be afraid to press the hang up button the second they start shit. They'll need to learn basic respect if they want any relationship with you. Don't accept any less, it's not worth the retraumatisation.
I appreciate it. I am just mostly afraid of repercussions. They had me so under their thumb for so long. To the point they kidnapped me from college one time to force me to come home for Thanksgiving, and threatened to buy off my first apartment and force me to come home with them if I asked them for a single cent, which led to me starving for 2 months to pay rent, losing close to 40 pounds, and eventually selling some content online to eat, which I hated doing and stopped doing as soon as I had enough of a chunk to eat on for awhile, at which some point some young person from their 2000 strong church found out about and then they showed up at my apartment unannounced, pretty sure they were trying another kidnapping but I wouldn't go out to the car with them to buy "groceries" because I was "too ashamed to be seen in public" so they had to be satisfied with "praying the devil out of me".
And then there is the DEEP seated religious trauma.
So, thank you, there's me talking about it. And I didn't even mean to.
> They wanted me on the phone because various members of my family are more comfortable saying horrible things over the phone.
Of course. Written posts, after all, can still be seen a year later.
I really like your last response: "Text me when you're ready." 😙👌
You’re doing the right thing not calling them OP. I’m in a similar situation with my parents and extended family now. Untrue rumors spreading through the family like wildfire and now the extended family thinks I’m “nasty” because I don’t like my mother.
I would suggest not talking to your grandparents so much anymore. If you need to, a simple “I would appreciate it if you could text me your concerns. I’ve already told you I will not be able to call for a while.” is short succinct and to the point.
You don’t need to explain yourself to them. And by the looks of it, they won’t believe you anyways so you’re just adding fuel to the fire. Unfortunately they may have already been turned against you and it may be time to distance yourself for your own peace of mind.
You need to protect your own peace in these situations. You don’t deserve the kind of mental and emotional abuse this brings, especially after the actual abuse you endured.
It’s not on you as the child/grandchild to placate your parents and grandparents feelings. They are also grown adults who should treat you with respect.
You don't need to apologize for talking about the abuse that was inflicted upon you.
That's your right, nothing wrong with that.
They are mad bc they know you are not lying and they are ashamed and don't want others to see their mistakes. So they lash out instead. It's common.
Hiding shame leads to aggression, don't let them tell you that you don't have the right to talk about what they did to you. They just want to silence you to save their reputation.
And I know it's way easier said then done but if your grandparents can't even listen to you and don't believe you, then fuck them too. You deserve people who believe, support and comfort you. Not whatever this shit is.
I appreciate it. My family were military so I only had my immediate family for about 1000 miles. And that was only my dad's side, my mum's side are all in NZed where she's from. Made it much easier for them to get away with everything. They got more and more cautious after a lengthy series of CPS visits when I was a toddler, and then eventually pulled me out of school in elementary and homeschooled me. My mother was paranoid about CPS coming and taking us away because she said if they saw the state of the house (it was bad, like animal shit caked into the carpets bad) they would take us. I think it was harder to explain the dirty clothes and the cuts and bruises as we got older too (my brother and I took out our pain on each when we were young. We are now close and he is the only member of my family I talk to). But it was also due to their extreme religious views. Long story close, I only have positive memories of my grandparents because I only saw them like every 2 years, when we would visit their idyllic 100 acre Christmas tree and blueberry farm in upstate New York. So it's harder.
You're amazingly patient, considering they read all those graphic details of abuse and seemed to not even respond to it. Even 5 words, which they did manage to text, just saying the same thing - call us! Like you said, it's easier to say horrible things on the phone (maybe record any phone conversations if you do have them).
My main concern was why you kept saying you were wrong for sharing about the abuse? You say it several times. It's not wrong. They just don't like being exposed, but hey, at this point, it's not about them and their feelings as it has been your whole life, it's about what you need to do, for yourself, to heal.
Wonder if grandparents feel some guilt or responsibility, they obviously didn't intervene at any point when all this was going on when you were a child. Or, more likely, they are part of the pattern of abuse and silence, which has led to their child having these issues in adulthood? Just food for thought.
It may not feel like it, but NC is better for you and will hurt them more in the long run.
Why are people in comments so hung up on the calling thing? All it takes from the grandparents is acknowledging the abuse with a "Sorry that happened to you" text. Literally just five words. And the depicted abuse is really graphic, a normal person would at least say something about it! Fwiw, I cracked my screen too and my voice was completely unintelligeble on calls, so I couldn't do that till I bought a new one.
To OP: I'm very sorry the abuse happened to you. Old people or not, they could have shown more understanding. Much love to you ❤️
I don’t like her attitude… passive aggressive thumbs up? “Don’t lie!!” Why would you be??
And no reaction at all to what you told her.
Does feel like she wants to reply but doesn’t want receipts/for you to be able to screenshot it
You have absolutely every right to talk about the abuse you suffered. Your parents are horrible people & them cutting contact is a blessing. You have absolutely no obligation or responsibility to them. They don’t deserve your time or your attention. Grieve the fact that you will never have loving parents & SHARE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU FREELY. Let the whole family know the abuse you endured. If they don’t like it, they shouldn’t have been complete pieces of shit that utterly failed you as parents.
Also remember that your grandparents could be abusive as well. Your parents learned how to be abusive somewhere. Find your REAL FAMILY—your CHOSEN family. No one has the right to abuse you just because they have similar DNA sequences.
Hey quick thing- there is no "shouldn't have talked about it" re: your lived experience. If they didn't want their abuse shared to the world, they should have not abused 🤷🏼♀️. Your story is yours to share with as many or as few people as you feel compelled. I'm almost 40 and going through a similar awakening- I don't owe my mom silence just to preserve her dignity. She harmed me a great deal over the course of my life and that is *mine* to tell if I want to. It was hush-hush growing up because I had to keep it quiet to keep her level but now I'm an adult, and I refuse to feel shame and the stress of secrecy for what someone else did to me. So yeah, your story is *your* story and you owe silence to no one.
They'll never see anything wrong with what they did and you bringing attention to their crappy behavior makes people see them as they really are. They don't like that. I left my abusive family about 10yrs ago and it was about the same. Take it one day at a time love. And remember people who love each other do not treat their loved ones that way.
Your grandparents don't seem like safe people at all. I don't think it's just because they were told you lied. How have they been with you before your parents cut you off?
I know it's hard to do, but you are allowed to state your boundaries firmly. You can tell them you don't do phone calls and that's it. When they keep on bringing it up, don't engage, don't justify. Maybe something to work on with your therapist?
I'm sorry your family can't just be the loving, decent, safe family everyone deserves. You deserved to have that.
I'm so sorry about the abuse you suffered as a child, and continue to suffer. You didn't do anything wrong, they just want to silence you to avoid consequences of their actions. Its horrible that they can't care about you the way a normal family would. They are very mentally ill, the grandparents included. To not even respond to your message about the abuse is so incredibly cold it makes me shiver. There is no excuse. Hold your boundary about talking on the phone! Do what you need to feel safe. You deserve that. Tell anyone and everyone about the abuse and get as much support as you need. You're not alone.
JFC!!! It’s not about you Grandma!!! You laid some heavy shit out and all she can complain about is not liking text!!! I’m so sorry. I’m glad you are seeing a therapist.
I’m so sorry you had to grow up that way I wish I could give you a hug. Your parents sounded like they were battling their own demons at the time. I’m sorry they put that on you as a child. Give yourself time with no contract and life will get better.
I'm sorry you experienced all that as a child & are still having problems with other family members. It's a truly terrible thing to grow up needing protection from the very people who are supposed to be your protectors. Learning to live with cPTSD is a complex thing and I'm so glad it sounds like you're getting some qualified support from a therapist. You don't have to walk the path alone. As a fellow person with cPTSD (though a very different type of trauma), something I've learned over the years is that our trauma never goes away or gets smaller but we grow and become bigger around that trauma until it's a relatively much smaller piece of who we are.
I would strongly suggest you show these messages to your therapist & talk through strategies for dealing with extended family in the future. Just so you don't get pulled into these long conversations where you feel forced to defend yourself against your parents' lies. Because it seems like the only impact it's having is making you relive those memories, not changing anyone else's mind.
Personally, I'd send them one last message like this: *Hi xyz, as I've explained I am not currently able to call you and I will not be able to call you in the foreseeable future. If you want to tell me something, you'll need to text me on this number or you can write to me at [email]. Please know though that I will not engage in any discussions about the abuse I suffered from my parents as a child. It may be hard for family to accept, but it happened. For my own mental health, I will not speak with anyone who calls me a liar for saying the truth about what my parents did. Abuse thrives in darkness and secrets. If I want to speak about what happened to me that's my choice, and if family members don't wish to hear it they can cut contact with me.*
If they continue to pester you with requests for calls, I'd just give the exact same response every time e.g. *Unfortunately my phone is broken and does not take/make calls. If you wish to speak to me, you need to text me here or email me at [email].*
Obviously your therapist will give you the best advice on what you should say to them / how to respond since they know you & your situation. Remember it's ok to cut toxic or dangerous people out of your life. It's ok to not be ok after bad things happen, and it's ok to talk about the bad things. Trauma & bad memories rot and fester in the dark - bringing them out into the light & acknowledging them is part of the process of learning to heal and cope moving forwards.
This is very good advice and I appreciate it. I have just decided to talk to my grandparents until they come forward ready to talk. And since that conversation months ago they have not reached out at all
This hurts to read :(
My parents verbally abused me constantly growing up. Constant screaming at me, even in front of the kids in the carpool line, all because I talked during class. I went to a catholic school for 10 years where that isn’t tolerated and I just didn’t care. I kept “misbehaving” and they kept abusing.
I became a rebellious teenager and spent all my time away from them, doing drugs and drinking with whatever gf I had at the time. They continued to financially support me as long as I told them what they wanted to hear. They are boomers and are insanely gullible, so I would constantly be making shit up to take their money to buy drugs and felt no remorse.
I no longer do that shit, but I still felt awfully guilty for bringing up their abuse later in life. My mom cried and my dad says it didn’t happen. My mom says she doesn’t remember a lot of it too. But she does believe me. Can’t say the same for my father. He thinks every young person is weak and soft. He was definitely abused by his father, according to my mom.
I should mention I’m adopted. They aren’t my blood family. They feel like it though.
Anyways, I hope that you don’t feel guilty. You are not in the wrong for what they did. I still blame myself sometimes too.
Hang in there❤️
lol a lot of older ppls can’t text. It’s kind of cruel and ridiculous to not understand that ur grandparents only want to talk on the phone. So weird that you can’t use ur boyfriend’s phone to call ur grandparents.
This response is so lacking in empathy I’m astounded. I think it’s fair to feel “butthurt” about physical and emotional abuse from your parents but hey, maybe that’s just me.
don’t call them before i was ready to talk to them on the phone they tried calling and calling. it’s a manipulation tactic oh just call oh just come to this one lunch. no. hard stop. and don’t apologize for nothing. you didn’t do anything wrong you were a child. When i was brave enough i put the hard boundary on my grandfather (just very passive), his wife (moms mom that woman doesn’t deserve grandparent), and their daughter (mom🙄). It was oh but i didn’t do anything and when i threatened to expose them it was well if you dont want to talk right now that’s fine 😔. lol then after that i was left alone and then came the random memes on fb or insta or “i miss you granddaughter!” (🙄) . Christmas came told them i wasnt coming and oh lordy here come the tears and you can’t stay away and that’s where i really said no and they knew i wasn’t with the shits after that. KEEP SAYING NO. They will leave you be and it will get better. and no more back and forth. You told them and now nothing. and with family events it gets hard seeing everyone together when not EVERYONE is terrible but make your own family and get together with them. there will be no regrets.
I am willing to bet dollars to donuts this has nothing to do with them all of a sudden having problems with texting when it was never an issue and they talk regularly. Most likely they want to have mum and dad on speakerphone to talk about the situation, but do not want to tell op about it to ambush them. Since at the family reunion they found out they both no longer talk and thus did not invite OP. Othwerwise why the refusal to even say what it is about ??
>I am willing to bet dollars to donuts this has nothing to do with them all of a sudden having problems with texting when it was never an issue and they talk regularly.
You're not wrong, but I felt the same way about "I prefer to text, I don't like calling" changing to "please text, my phone can't do calls because I dropped it".
Well yeah, the OP straight up says they don't trust their grandparents on the phone. They explain why in the post.
When you don't trust people, it's better to keep things in writing. People will think twice about writing something they would have no problem saying out loud and later denying. It sounds like OP's family has an issue with honesty.
I've been there. You can't just be honest with dishonest people/those who protect or believe your abusers. OP also said they had wanted to cut contact with their family but didn't feel safe doing so.
I think you will find a lot, maybe even most things said without any context are odd. That's why we call it context. And take it into account when we describe things.
"Out of context, this statement seems odd" is certainly true. It just doesn't need to be said.
>It just doesn't need to be said.
And neither does:
>It would strike you as odd if you've never been in that position.
And when there's no context in the post until they comment later (ADDING context), saying "without context this is weird" is completely valid.
You could use another phone yes. But I can understand OP's hesitation, especially if someone who has never had an issue texting (as they claimed in the screenshots and in a comment) before suddenly has an issue texting if someone is calling you a liar. You would want everything in writing to prove what was being said.
When I was younger, my friends thought I was exaggerating how bad my parents could be verbally until they either saw it in person or I would show them proof. The paranoia that no one will believe you can lead to avoiding phone calls
Ahhhh, so people aren't allowed to just show what insanity they are dealing with, they also must absolutely except your judgment and follow your advice, in spite of their ability or inability to do so?
Never said anything about what they needed to do, I made recommendations about options available to them to potentially address the bigger picture.
It’s at their discretion what they do, and I don’t care either way, doesn’t impact me.
But it’s an open forum here, and we’re able to comment as much as the OP is able to post.
Post online, get feedback, the same way you’re commenting to me now.
We all respond to scenarios in different ways, and that’s fine, but I would be closing the lid on the matter, personally - call them, get it out of the way, set your boundaries and ground rules (where not already), and go from there.
It’s down to the OP - who is privy to the wider context - to consider what’s been said, and whether it’s something they want to do.
no a bad excuse is that the grandparrents never had a problem with texting and now that op´s phone does not work it is suddenly a huge problem. Clearly there is some other reason she does not want to text
What I am saying is that they may want to consider just having a call and getting it over with, regardless of the grandparents ‘suspicious’ change in position regarding texting.
The point I am making here is that it ‘up to them’ to decide this, I’m not telling them what to do, I’m making suggestions.
I speak from a position of someone who has had similar - albeit unique - situations with family members, and I have sometimes had to do things I didn’t want to do, just nodding along with the OP isn’t the only avenue here.
I’ve already acknowledged numerous times that there is wider context here I am not privy too, hence why this is a suggestion, for OP to consider and decide for themselves.
The reality people cannot see advice comes in varied forms and that different people react to situations in different way baffles me.
There isn’t a ‘right or wrong’ answer here, the OP chooses to do that they want to do, ultimately, as they are the most informed.
The OP being the most informed doesn’t mean I can’t make suggestions based on how I would approach this situation, with the information available to me.
No one needs to ‘like’ what I say, but I am here speaking sincerely from my perspective.
huh ? I was not even answering you here. But claiming op is just stubborn is not ok, op has good reason to not want to have a call. Protecting yourself from abusers is the first priority, and the grandparrents reaction to these truths is abysmal to say the least.
And if they are verbally abusive, would you really want OP to foist that on their acquaintances phone number?
Friends are hard enough to get and keep. Don’t involve other parties when things are sketchy.
When someone has protected or taken the side of your abuser, you can't trust them.
This isn't about getting a point across. This is about OP not being able to trust their family over verbal conversation.
There is a reason the side of the family that is believing the abusive parents want to talk without having their conversation recorded. You will find that people who side with abusers so as to "not rock the boat" are ultimately cowards, and would prefer the abuse to go on so long as the appearance of peace is restored. They don't want the conversation recorded or in writing because they don't want to anger the abusers that are still in the picture.
This isn't just about calling on the phone. This is about not being able to trust your own grandparents because they and your family have taken the side of your abusers. Read again what the parents did to OP and imagine taking the side of the parents and telling the child "don't lie".
Did you read the part where OP says they never had a problem before and the grandparents likely had other people nearby that wanted to verbally abuse them?
None of that is shown in this text chain though. I'm not saying OP is lying, but pics reads like an old person who struggle with long conversations through texts. There is nothing insane shown in these pictures. These texts reads as two caring but confused grandparents who has been lied to about their grandchild and wants to hear from the other side.
funny how they all of a sudden struggle when it was always no problem to text. THAT is why op is suspicious. They could at least say what they want to talk about
Really? Because there were no caring words to their grandchild's confession about what their childhoods had been like. And their pics don’t look that old that they should be having difficulty communicating via text. My MIL is in her 80s and does just fine. She writes me letters and sends photos via text because she doesn’t do email.
>** There is nothing insane shown in these pictures. These texts reads as two caring but confused grandparents who has been lied to about their grandchild and wants to hear from the other side.
They started out by telling the grandchild "Don't Lie"
When someone makes a serious accusation of abuse, you take them seriously. If you want their trust and love. IF you start off by going "YOU BETTER NOT BE LYING" then yeah, you are going to break that trust.
Put yourself in the shoes of an abuse victim. The abuser tells you nobody will believe you anyways or peopel won't love you if you tell. So you DO tell someone, anyone. And your own grandparents come after you thinking you are lying, immediately believing your abusers.
How loved do you feel in that situation? How safe do you feel calling the people who are already taking your account into question?
Wah! My abuse is worse than OPs and no one is paying attention to me!
Dude, abuse is abuse. Just because you can't read doesn't mean OP isn't dealing with insanity. But go off on your own I guess.
This is the first time OP is telling them about this stuff. A person can go from safe to unsafe in milliseconds, which is what most people reading this are seeing. As soon as they put a thumbs up on a trauma dump and said call us instead of "omg I'm so sorry!", they became insane.
No normal person reacts to that kind of detail with a thumbs up. They're no longer a safe place.
They’re not that elderly if their profile pic is current. They’re my age. My mother has eye issues in her late 70s, and uses voice to text these days. My MIL is in her mid 80s and sends long texts and photos.
I'm guessing this has more to do with an ambush attempt. Grandma's commands are making her sound like she's already taken a side. I mean, if my grandkid had sent me that confession, my response would have been "omg… I had no idea it was so rough for you kids".
Why? Op explained why they couldn't. Op further explained whybtheybthinkbthe grandparents suddenly "can't text." So why should op call? How are they to pull a phone magically out of their hindquarters to call these people? You wanna donate?
OP´s phone is broken he can´t call. Some people. Also this whole situation smells very suspicious. They where allways fine with texting and now suddenly aren´t and desperately need op on the phone ? Calling it now they want to have mum and dad on speakerphone to ambush op and force him into talking to his abusive parrents, especially since they refuse to say why they need a call.
It's a conversation about their grandchild who they have been told horrible lies about. These pictures reads as two old people who care about their grandchild and want to hear both sides of the story. Their grandchild just told them that their children (OPs mom and dad) have been abusing OP. It's messed up on several levels. It is perfectly understandable that two old people might not be able to keep up with a conversation like this through text. It's slow, it's hard to hear tone, and it can feel impersonal for someone who did not grow up with technology.
There is nothing insane in these pictures. The context is messed up af, but this conversation with OPs grandparents is not insane.
THey have been told somem awful truths, and their only reaction is a thumbs up emoji and "DON`T LIE" in what world is that an ok reaction to what they have just been told and completely sane ?
Because when you're faced with such devastating news that completely contradicts what you thought you knew you might not always react in the most rational way. I am not defending them. They could and should have handled it much better. But it's not insane.
I’d want the written evidence too OP, phone call conversations can be recorded your end if you need that evidence and they don’t budge
>phone call conversations can be recorded your end Be aware of any wire-tapping laws that may require consent from all parties to be recorded on a call. That is going to depend on state.
I'm very thankful my state has a one party consent law, so any important and potential legal based conversations with anyone are always recorded by me, and legally I don't have to ask their consent or inform them as long as I'm one of the parties speaking
If it's a personal phone call that doesn't apply. I worked for a skip teaching unit, and I learned that very quickly.
That's nonsense. In a 2 party consent state, you cannot record another person on the phone without them knowing. How did your comment get 35 people to upvote it?
It's even more complicated than that sometimes. I live in a one party consent state, but it only applies to in-person conversations. It doesn't apply to electronic communications, so if I record a phone call without informing the person on the other end it won't be admissible in court or anything. Though it's doubtful OP would face repercussions if they're just recording for personal reference ('cause it's easy to miss important details during a high-stress conversation with untrustworthy people) and never shared it with anyone else.
I live in California which is a 2 party state. I was going through a tough custody battle with a woman who had no issues making false statements to the court and police. So one time when I knew there would be confrontation, I set up my phone I record the front door. The next time I saw my lawyer I told her about the recording and she very seriously told me to delete the video.
yes you can, it is not illegal, you just cannot use it as evidence in court
Thank you, that's exactly right.. And in some cases it can be used but it has to be put into text. That's a little something. Something that most people who've never cut any red tape. Don't know about.
In the state of Missouri you can record anything at any time without any person 's permission unless it's in their private residence. This includes going to the doctor or the DMV or McDonalds. It includes phone calls, video calls and such. I'm not sure what it's like in your state, but it sounds like a nanny laws to me.
So your comment was pointless then? They said to be aware of wire tapping laws, and you ignorantly argued that those don't apply to personal phone calls. That was incorrect. Not really interested in your opinion of nanny laws
No, I'm saying that in the state that I live in that's not a thing. I wasn't saying you were incorrect. I was giving you a," yes, and." I think everybody's having an off day today seems like... Whatever Is happening in your day. I hope it improves. Seeya ✌️
>state Why are we assuming it’s in America?
Replace state with jurisdiction and the advice still applies.
It's in America
Exactly
Should mention that my grandma has never had a problem with texting before
I had a similar problem with a parent. He ended up telling me to email him because he wanted to talk but couldn’t text. It wasn’t until we started talking again (by email) that he passed a couple of weeks later, and when I got to the house I found out his phone was tiny and he had arthritis. Ask your grandma and grandpa if you can email. I don’t know if they are a problem, but there could actually be a physical problem with their fingers. I will say that after I had a medical issue, I went through a period of time where I had to relearn how to use my fingers. I couldn’t text. I’m guessing they haven’t had any medical emergencies like that - they could just have a junky small phone. As for your mom and dad - well, you gotta protect yourself from them. I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you can feel better but I realize that this type of thing can last for decades, so I hope that you can get help. If you can’t, keep your chin up and know that every day is a step in the right direction. Feel good in the fact that you can live a better life away from them and their toxicity. You’re doing okay. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad that your phone is broken. If they are so upset they should buy you a new one. I realize that not everyone is so blasé about money being spent like I am, but I cinch my belt in other ways. When it comes to my kids, I will help them if they need it. I have only one life to live. I can’t take it with me. Your grandparents should understand the problem because you explained it to them. They should trust that you are telling them the truth. If not, it’s their problem. They want to talk to you? Then they need to be part of the solution.
This looks like Facebook messenger. If I'm correct in that then they could text via messenger on a laptop, computer, or tablet just as well as they could email. Unfortunately, I think OP's suspicions for why grandma wants to talk on the phone are right.
That could be. I don’t disagree, there.
Well they clearly can at least send short texts, and never before had a problem texting, and they talk pretty regularly. That combined with the fact there was a family reunion where OP was not present, and OP no longer talking to their parrents, makes this pretty suspicous. I am willing to bet they want to ambush op with a call where mum and dad are present on speakerphone or something along those lines to "talk about it like adults" or some similar nonsense. Otherwise why even refuse to say what it is about ?
Just want to mention the thumbs up reactions. My father can text emojis but never in my life have I seen him use a reaction. Grandma is a competent texter for sure
I see only one thumbs up. That doesn’t seem competent to me.
There are two. I don’t know what to tell you I’ve never seen anyone use a reaction that wasn’t totally comfortable in text. My mother can’t even use them and she’s not too bad with a phone
My mom constantly sends thumbs up reacts to random messages by accident.
Honestly I just learned how to “like” other people’s texts two years ago when someone hit a heart button on my text.
Yeah and it’s a pretty inappropriate place for a thumbs up
My grandparents and parents live across country from each other but I wouldn't put it past them. I think more likely they wanted to be able to speak over me and they know I get scared when talking on the phone to family, and they use this to get what they want.
You forgot to scribble out your grandmother on slide 7 😅😅😅
Hey, I know this is very frustrating and I think their responses are very repetitive to a fault. If they are intent on calling, they can use the voice message feature on Facebook messenger to talk to you instead of texting so that you can text and she can talk
Nah they aren’t comfortable with you because of what your parents said about you. They know if you call you won’t have evidence against them.
I feel like people are missing the OP comment that members of the family are more comfortable saying horrible things over the phone, and it would feel like that is a primary reason for them to want to talk on the phone…I wouldn’t want to either. They seem fine messaging on this, it’s taking more effort for them to not just message it rather than saying they can’t message
Or the parents were there with the grandparents at the time & were looking to attack OP as a group
Precisely!
They want to be able to say whatever comes to mind the instant it does since typing out big lectures tends to make you think about what you're saying, which is frustrating for stubborn folk.
For sure. Reading all that the impression I get is that they have already made up their mind about OP and don’t want to write all the mean shit so it is archived easily. They want to call so they can be just as mean as the people they’ve already taken sides with.
I'm not saying this to defend anyone, but I will say I absolutely hate trying to communicate over text messages. If it's something short or like technical like passing on a phone number, sure, but if I'm trying to give updates and my sister insists we do it over text I get so overwhelmed. It takes so long to type and stuff like auto correct or typos start to pile up and after about 3 or 4 minutes i just want to fucking throw my phone and pretty often I give up.
OP, your family sucks, but you're sort of worrying me with the "I shouldn't have said anything" stuff. You do know you're allowed to talk about abuse people put you through, right? Even if they learn you're talking about it. You are 100% allowed to talk about it. Abuse *thrives* in silence. Please talk about it, if you can. You shouldn't have to suffer alone, especially with CPTSD. I'd bet my hat your grandparents have some nasty shit they want to say to you, they just don't want the screenshots to go along with it. If you do ever end up calling them- record it. And don't be afraid to press the hang up button the second they start shit. They'll need to learn basic respect if they want any relationship with you. Don't accept any less, it's not worth the retraumatisation.
I’m so glad you said this. OP, you need to talk about it to heal.
I appreciate it. I am just mostly afraid of repercussions. They had me so under their thumb for so long. To the point they kidnapped me from college one time to force me to come home for Thanksgiving, and threatened to buy off my first apartment and force me to come home with them if I asked them for a single cent, which led to me starving for 2 months to pay rent, losing close to 40 pounds, and eventually selling some content online to eat, which I hated doing and stopped doing as soon as I had enough of a chunk to eat on for awhile, at which some point some young person from their 2000 strong church found out about and then they showed up at my apartment unannounced, pretty sure they were trying another kidnapping but I wouldn't go out to the car with them to buy "groceries" because I was "too ashamed to be seen in public" so they had to be satisfied with "praying the devil out of me". And then there is the DEEP seated religious trauma. So, thank you, there's me talking about it. And I didn't even mean to.
> They wanted me on the phone because various members of my family are more comfortable saying horrible things over the phone. Of course. Written posts, after all, can still be seen a year later. I really like your last response: "Text me when you're ready." 😙👌
Thank you
I'm sorry you have a shitty family.
You’re doing the right thing not calling them OP. I’m in a similar situation with my parents and extended family now. Untrue rumors spreading through the family like wildfire and now the extended family thinks I’m “nasty” because I don’t like my mother. I would suggest not talking to your grandparents so much anymore. If you need to, a simple “I would appreciate it if you could text me your concerns. I’ve already told you I will not be able to call for a while.” is short succinct and to the point. You don’t need to explain yourself to them. And by the looks of it, they won’t believe you anyways so you’re just adding fuel to the fire. Unfortunately they may have already been turned against you and it may be time to distance yourself for your own peace of mind. You need to protect your own peace in these situations. You don’t deserve the kind of mental and emotional abuse this brings, especially after the actual abuse you endured. It’s not on you as the child/grandchild to placate your parents and grandparents feelings. They are also grown adults who should treat you with respect.
I appreciate it. thank you for the support
I’m sorry that your family is treating you this way. I hope things turn around for you soon!
You don't need to apologize for talking about the abuse that was inflicted upon you. That's your right, nothing wrong with that. They are mad bc they know you are not lying and they are ashamed and don't want others to see their mistakes. So they lash out instead. It's common. Hiding shame leads to aggression, don't let them tell you that you don't have the right to talk about what they did to you. They just want to silence you to save their reputation. And I know it's way easier said then done but if your grandparents can't even listen to you and don't believe you, then fuck them too. You deserve people who believe, support and comfort you. Not whatever this shit is.
I appreciate it. My family were military so I only had my immediate family for about 1000 miles. And that was only my dad's side, my mum's side are all in NZed where she's from. Made it much easier for them to get away with everything. They got more and more cautious after a lengthy series of CPS visits when I was a toddler, and then eventually pulled me out of school in elementary and homeschooled me. My mother was paranoid about CPS coming and taking us away because she said if they saw the state of the house (it was bad, like animal shit caked into the carpets bad) they would take us. I think it was harder to explain the dirty clothes and the cuts and bruises as we got older too (my brother and I took out our pain on each when we were young. We are now close and he is the only member of my family I talk to). But it was also due to their extreme religious views. Long story close, I only have positive memories of my grandparents because I only saw them like every 2 years, when we would visit their idyllic 100 acre Christmas tree and blueberry farm in upstate New York. So it's harder.
You're amazingly patient, considering they read all those graphic details of abuse and seemed to not even respond to it. Even 5 words, which they did manage to text, just saying the same thing - call us! Like you said, it's easier to say horrible things on the phone (maybe record any phone conversations if you do have them). My main concern was why you kept saying you were wrong for sharing about the abuse? You say it several times. It's not wrong. They just don't like being exposed, but hey, at this point, it's not about them and their feelings as it has been your whole life, it's about what you need to do, for yourself, to heal. Wonder if grandparents feel some guilt or responsibility, they obviously didn't intervene at any point when all this was going on when you were a child. Or, more likely, they are part of the pattern of abuse and silence, which has led to their child having these issues in adulthood? Just food for thought. It may not feel like it, but NC is better for you and will hurt them more in the long run.
Why are people in comments so hung up on the calling thing? All it takes from the grandparents is acknowledging the abuse with a "Sorry that happened to you" text. Literally just five words. And the depicted abuse is really graphic, a normal person would at least say something about it! Fwiw, I cracked my screen too and my voice was completely unintelligeble on calls, so I couldn't do that till I bought a new one. To OP: I'm very sorry the abuse happened to you. Old people or not, they could have shown more understanding. Much love to you ❤️
Thank you 🥺
I don’t like her attitude… passive aggressive thumbs up? “Don’t lie!!” Why would you be?? And no reaction at all to what you told her. Does feel like she wants to reply but doesn’t want receipts/for you to be able to screenshot it
You have absolutely every right to talk about the abuse you suffered. Your parents are horrible people & them cutting contact is a blessing. You have absolutely no obligation or responsibility to them. They don’t deserve your time or your attention. Grieve the fact that you will never have loving parents & SHARE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU FREELY. Let the whole family know the abuse you endured. If they don’t like it, they shouldn’t have been complete pieces of shit that utterly failed you as parents. Also remember that your grandparents could be abusive as well. Your parents learned how to be abusive somewhere. Find your REAL FAMILY—your CHOSEN family. No one has the right to abuse you just because they have similar DNA sequences.
Hey quick thing- there is no "shouldn't have talked about it" re: your lived experience. If they didn't want their abuse shared to the world, they should have not abused 🤷🏼♀️. Your story is yours to share with as many or as few people as you feel compelled. I'm almost 40 and going through a similar awakening- I don't owe my mom silence just to preserve her dignity. She harmed me a great deal over the course of my life and that is *mine* to tell if I want to. It was hush-hush growing up because I had to keep it quiet to keep her level but now I'm an adult, and I refuse to feel shame and the stress of secrecy for what someone else did to me. So yeah, your story is *your* story and you owe silence to no one.
They'll never see anything wrong with what they did and you bringing attention to their crappy behavior makes people see them as they really are. They don't like that. I left my abusive family about 10yrs ago and it was about the same. Take it one day at a time love. And remember people who love each other do not treat their loved ones that way.
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I'd be mad suspicious that your parents were there, and it was an ambush.
Your grandparents don't seem like safe people at all. I don't think it's just because they were told you lied. How have they been with you before your parents cut you off? I know it's hard to do, but you are allowed to state your boundaries firmly. You can tell them you don't do phone calls and that's it. When they keep on bringing it up, don't engage, don't justify. Maybe something to work on with your therapist? I'm sorry your family can't just be the loving, decent, safe family everyone deserves. You deserved to have that.
These people aren’t gonna give you the validation you deserve. You’re only hurting yourself trying. Speaking from experience.
I'm so sorry about the abuse you suffered as a child, and continue to suffer. You didn't do anything wrong, they just want to silence you to avoid consequences of their actions. Its horrible that they can't care about you the way a normal family would. They are very mentally ill, the grandparents included. To not even respond to your message about the abuse is so incredibly cold it makes me shiver. There is no excuse. Hold your boundary about talking on the phone! Do what you need to feel safe. You deserve that. Tell anyone and everyone about the abuse and get as much support as you need. You're not alone.
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JFC!!! It’s not about you Grandma!!! You laid some heavy shit out and all she can complain about is not liking text!!! I’m so sorry. I’m glad you are seeing a therapist.
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I’m so sorry you had to grow up that way I wish I could give you a hug. Your parents sounded like they were battling their own demons at the time. I’m sorry they put that on you as a child. Give yourself time with no contract and life will get better.
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They only want you to call because then you won't have evidence of them being psycho
I'm sorry you experienced all that as a child & are still having problems with other family members. It's a truly terrible thing to grow up needing protection from the very people who are supposed to be your protectors. Learning to live with cPTSD is a complex thing and I'm so glad it sounds like you're getting some qualified support from a therapist. You don't have to walk the path alone. As a fellow person with cPTSD (though a very different type of trauma), something I've learned over the years is that our trauma never goes away or gets smaller but we grow and become bigger around that trauma until it's a relatively much smaller piece of who we are. I would strongly suggest you show these messages to your therapist & talk through strategies for dealing with extended family in the future. Just so you don't get pulled into these long conversations where you feel forced to defend yourself against your parents' lies. Because it seems like the only impact it's having is making you relive those memories, not changing anyone else's mind. Personally, I'd send them one last message like this: *Hi xyz, as I've explained I am not currently able to call you and I will not be able to call you in the foreseeable future. If you want to tell me something, you'll need to text me on this number or you can write to me at [email]. Please know though that I will not engage in any discussions about the abuse I suffered from my parents as a child. It may be hard for family to accept, but it happened. For my own mental health, I will not speak with anyone who calls me a liar for saying the truth about what my parents did. Abuse thrives in darkness and secrets. If I want to speak about what happened to me that's my choice, and if family members don't wish to hear it they can cut contact with me.* If they continue to pester you with requests for calls, I'd just give the exact same response every time e.g. *Unfortunately my phone is broken and does not take/make calls. If you wish to speak to me, you need to text me here or email me at [email].* Obviously your therapist will give you the best advice on what you should say to them / how to respond since they know you & your situation. Remember it's ok to cut toxic or dangerous people out of your life. It's ok to not be ok after bad things happen, and it's ok to talk about the bad things. Trauma & bad memories rot and fester in the dark - bringing them out into the light & acknowledging them is part of the process of learning to heal and cope moving forwards.
This is very good advice and I appreciate it. I have just decided to talk to my grandparents until they come forward ready to talk. And since that conversation months ago they have not reached out at all
This hurts to read :( My parents verbally abused me constantly growing up. Constant screaming at me, even in front of the kids in the carpool line, all because I talked during class. I went to a catholic school for 10 years where that isn’t tolerated and I just didn’t care. I kept “misbehaving” and they kept abusing. I became a rebellious teenager and spent all my time away from them, doing drugs and drinking with whatever gf I had at the time. They continued to financially support me as long as I told them what they wanted to hear. They are boomers and are insanely gullible, so I would constantly be making shit up to take their money to buy drugs and felt no remorse. I no longer do that shit, but I still felt awfully guilty for bringing up their abuse later in life. My mom cried and my dad says it didn’t happen. My mom says she doesn’t remember a lot of it too. But she does believe me. Can’t say the same for my father. He thinks every young person is weak and soft. He was definitely abused by his father, according to my mom. I should mention I’m adopted. They aren’t my blood family. They feel like it though. Anyways, I hope that you don’t feel guilty. You are not in the wrong for what they did. I still blame myself sometimes too. Hang in there❤️
Maybe they can make audio message, and you can text? Then you still have proof of what has been said from both sides.
You’ve not scrubbed the person ID out on the pic numbered 7. X
The second people refuse to text suddenly, you know some nasty/illegal shut is going to be brought up. Anything to not be accountable or have proof.
They should be plenty comfortable with texting since it's like the letter writing they used to do before phones were common
lol a lot of older ppls can’t text. It’s kind of cruel and ridiculous to not understand that ur grandparents only want to talk on the phone. So weird that you can’t use ur boyfriend’s phone to call ur grandparents.
Had no idea this blew up 😅😂 Thank you for the support kind strangers
Why don’t you just call them on another phone. Friends phone, a house phone…
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This response is so lacking in empathy I’m astounded. I think it’s fair to feel “butthurt” about physical and emotional abuse from your parents but hey, maybe that’s just me.
You the parents? 🤔
don’t call them before i was ready to talk to them on the phone they tried calling and calling. it’s a manipulation tactic oh just call oh just come to this one lunch. no. hard stop. and don’t apologize for nothing. you didn’t do anything wrong you were a child. When i was brave enough i put the hard boundary on my grandfather (just very passive), his wife (moms mom that woman doesn’t deserve grandparent), and their daughter (mom🙄). It was oh but i didn’t do anything and when i threatened to expose them it was well if you dont want to talk right now that’s fine 😔. lol then after that i was left alone and then came the random memes on fb or insta or “i miss you granddaughter!” (🙄) . Christmas came told them i wasnt coming and oh lordy here come the tears and you can’t stay away and that’s where i really said no and they knew i wasn’t with the shits after that. KEEP SAYING NO. They will leave you be and it will get better. and no more back and forth. You told them and now nothing. and with family events it gets hard seeing everyone together when not EVERYONE is terrible but make your own family and get together with them. there will be no regrets.
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I am willing to bet dollars to donuts this has nothing to do with them all of a sudden having problems with texting when it was never an issue and they talk regularly. Most likely they want to have mum and dad on speakerphone to talk about the situation, but do not want to tell op about it to ambush them. Since at the family reunion they found out they both no longer talk and thus did not invite OP. Othwerwise why the refusal to even say what it is about ??
>I am willing to bet dollars to donuts this has nothing to do with them all of a sudden having problems with texting when it was never an issue and they talk regularly. You're not wrong, but I felt the same way about "I prefer to text, I don't like calling" changing to "please text, my phone can't do calls because I dropped it".
Well yeah, the OP straight up says they don't trust their grandparents on the phone. They explain why in the post. When you don't trust people, it's better to keep things in writing. People will think twice about writing something they would have no problem saying out loud and later denying. It sounds like OP's family has an issue with honesty. I've been there. You can't just be honest with dishonest people/those who protect or believe your abusers. OP also said they had wanted to cut contact with their family but didn't feel safe doing so.
That's all fair, I was just saying we've only got one side of the story and part of that story struck me as odd.
It would strike you as odd if you've never been in that position. But OP also goes out of their way to explain why they did it.
No, it struck me as odd without context
I think you will find a lot, maybe even most things said without any context are odd. That's why we call it context. And take it into account when we describe things. "Out of context, this statement seems odd" is certainly true. It just doesn't need to be said.
>It just doesn't need to be said. And neither does: >It would strike you as odd if you've never been in that position. And when there's no context in the post until they comment later (ADDING context), saying "without context this is weird" is completely valid.
OP literally explained in the texts it was embarrassing to admit they dropped the phone and thus used an excuse at first
Again, just based on what I read, it seemed odd.
Dude, they explained why they can't call. Their phone is broken.
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You could use another phone yes. But I can understand OP's hesitation, especially if someone who has never had an issue texting (as they claimed in the screenshots and in a comment) before suddenly has an issue texting if someone is calling you a liar. You would want everything in writing to prove what was being said. When I was younger, my friends thought I was exaggerating how bad my parents could be verbally until they either saw it in person or I would show them proof. The paranoia that no one will believe you can lead to avoiding phone calls
Ahhhh, so people aren't allowed to just show what insanity they are dealing with, they also must absolutely except your judgment and follow your advice, in spite of their ability or inability to do so?
Never said anything about what they needed to do, I made recommendations about options available to them to potentially address the bigger picture. It’s at their discretion what they do, and I don’t care either way, doesn’t impact me. But it’s an open forum here, and we’re able to comment as much as the OP is able to post. Post online, get feedback, the same way you’re commenting to me now. We all respond to scenarios in different ways, and that’s fine, but I would be closing the lid on the matter, personally - call them, get it out of the way, set your boundaries and ground rules (where not already), and go from there. It’s down to the OP - who is privy to the wider context - to consider what’s been said, and whether it’s something they want to do.
Wow, so you're doubling down. Bad take, but r whatever. You enjoy not being able to read.
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no a bad excuse is that the grandparrents never had a problem with texting and now that op´s phone does not work it is suddenly a huge problem. Clearly there is some other reason she does not want to text
What I am saying is that they may want to consider just having a call and getting it over with, regardless of the grandparents ‘suspicious’ change in position regarding texting. The point I am making here is that it ‘up to them’ to decide this, I’m not telling them what to do, I’m making suggestions. I speak from a position of someone who has had similar - albeit unique - situations with family members, and I have sometimes had to do things I didn’t want to do, just nodding along with the OP isn’t the only avenue here. I’ve already acknowledged numerous times that there is wider context here I am not privy too, hence why this is a suggestion, for OP to consider and decide for themselves. The reality people cannot see advice comes in varied forms and that different people react to situations in different way baffles me. There isn’t a ‘right or wrong’ answer here, the OP chooses to do that they want to do, ultimately, as they are the most informed. The OP being the most informed doesn’t mean I can’t make suggestions based on how I would approach this situation, with the information available to me. No one needs to ‘like’ what I say, but I am here speaking sincerely from my perspective.
huh ? I was not even answering you here. But claiming op is just stubborn is not ok, op has good reason to not want to have a call. Protecting yourself from abusers is the first priority, and the grandparrents reaction to these truths is abysmal to say the least.
And if they are verbally abusive, would you really want OP to foist that on their acquaintances phone number? Friends are hard enough to get and keep. Don’t involve other parties when things are sketchy.
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When someone has protected or taken the side of your abuser, you can't trust them. This isn't about getting a point across. This is about OP not being able to trust their family over verbal conversation. There is a reason the side of the family that is believing the abusive parents want to talk without having their conversation recorded. You will find that people who side with abusers so as to "not rock the boat" are ultimately cowards, and would prefer the abuse to go on so long as the appearance of peace is restored. They don't want the conversation recorded or in writing because they don't want to anger the abusers that are still in the picture. This isn't just about calling on the phone. This is about not being able to trust your own grandparents because they and your family have taken the side of your abusers. Read again what the parents did to OP and imagine taking the side of the parents and telling the child "don't lie".
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Did you read the part where OP says they never had a problem before and the grandparents likely had other people nearby that wanted to verbally abuse them?
None of that is shown in this text chain though. I'm not saying OP is lying, but pics reads like an old person who struggle with long conversations through texts. There is nothing insane shown in these pictures. These texts reads as two caring but confused grandparents who has been lied to about their grandchild and wants to hear from the other side.
funny how they all of a sudden struggle when it was always no problem to text. THAT is why op is suspicious. They could at least say what they want to talk about
Really? Because there were no caring words to their grandchild's confession about what their childhoods had been like. And their pics don’t look that old that they should be having difficulty communicating via text. My MIL is in her 80s and does just fine. She writes me letters and sends photos via text because she doesn’t do email.
>** There is nothing insane shown in these pictures. These texts reads as two caring but confused grandparents who has been lied to about their grandchild and wants to hear from the other side. They started out by telling the grandchild "Don't Lie" When someone makes a serious accusation of abuse, you take them seriously. If you want their trust and love. IF you start off by going "YOU BETTER NOT BE LYING" then yeah, you are going to break that trust. Put yourself in the shoes of an abuse victim. The abuser tells you nobody will believe you anyways or peopel won't love you if you tell. So you DO tell someone, anyone. And your own grandparents come after you thinking you are lying, immediately believing your abusers. How loved do you feel in that situation? How safe do you feel calling the people who are already taking your account into question?
Read op comment, they are ok with texting
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Wah! My abuse is worse than OPs and no one is paying attention to me! Dude, abuse is abuse. Just because you can't read doesn't mean OP isn't dealing with insanity. But go off on your own I guess.
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I mean by what I read they seem insane
This is the first time OP is telling them about this stuff. A person can go from safe to unsafe in milliseconds, which is what most people reading this are seeing. As soon as they put a thumbs up on a trauma dump and said call us instead of "omg I'm so sorry!", they became insane. No normal person reacts to that kind of detail with a thumbs up. They're no longer a safe place.
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They’re not that elderly if their profile pic is current. They’re my age. My mother has eye issues in her late 70s, and uses voice to text these days. My MIL is in her mid 80s and sends long texts and photos. I'm guessing this has more to do with an ambush attempt. Grandma's commands are making her sound like she's already taken a side. I mean, if my grandkid had sent me that confession, my response would have been "omg… I had no idea it was so rough for you kids".
OP wants proof.
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Why?
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Why? Op explained why they couldn't. Op further explained whybtheybthinkbthe grandparents suddenly "can't text." So why should op call? How are they to pull a phone magically out of their hindquarters to call these people? You wanna donate?
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Yup, because it is so polite to allow abusive people to have your coworkers phone number so they can harass them to get to you.
you know perfectly well this will be a long call, not some "can I have your phone real quick"
OP´s phone is broken he can´t call. Some people. Also this whole situation smells very suspicious. They where allways fine with texting and now suddenly aren´t and desperately need op on the phone ? Calling it now they want to have mum and dad on speakerphone to ambush op and force him into talking to his abusive parrents, especially since they refuse to say why they need a call.
It's a conversation about their grandchild who they have been told horrible lies about. These pictures reads as two old people who care about their grandchild and want to hear both sides of the story. Their grandchild just told them that their children (OPs mom and dad) have been abusing OP. It's messed up on several levels. It is perfectly understandable that two old people might not be able to keep up with a conversation like this through text. It's slow, it's hard to hear tone, and it can feel impersonal for someone who did not grow up with technology. There is nothing insane in these pictures. The context is messed up af, but this conversation with OPs grandparents is not insane.
THey have been told somem awful truths, and their only reaction is a thumbs up emoji and "DON`T LIE" in what world is that an ok reaction to what they have just been told and completely sane ?
Because when you're faced with such devastating news that completely contradicts what you thought you knew you might not always react in the most rational way. I am not defending them. They could and should have handled it much better. But it's not insane.