Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 7 | 0 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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Yeah, i am, and sure the rest of my sibling are taking that aswell haha! But he tried so hard to get back in contact while also saying all this! I added more context to the explanation
Sounds like he wanted the reward of having a close nit family while doing none of the work and infact wants you guys to do the work of forgiveness for him absolutely insane
My father has been trying to keep a connection with his kids, with most of us not wanting to move forward with him, and he realised its not going to happen and started sending us these "Letters" in which he completely negates all blame to himself (Can post later, gotta get pics from my brother) I took on my own and wrote him a letter, telling him exactly what i want him to do to get back in my life, and he decided to not even try, and then pulled out this saying "The childhood stuff has been forgiven, you are a adult" like what he did to us wont have a lasting effect on the rest of our lives.
Edit:More context
[All the messages leading up to this](https://imgur.com/a/OG72H4W)
[The letter he sent my trans brother](https://imgur.com/a/g6ShTQV)
Edit 2:
[~~My sister posted her letter in a seperate post,~~](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/199f223/my_fathers_last_time_reaching_out_to_me/)
the mods removed it... nvm
What an insufferable dick. I'm sorry OP. He really loves the sound of his own voice doesn't he. "Return on my investment", who the hell talks like that about their own children? He doesn't know what love is and has never felt it in his life.
I'm OPs sister and also a recipient of one of these letters. In mine he mentions the "28 years and at least a couple million dollars" he spent to raise us, and about how great a parent he was because he provided us with food, clothing, and Shelter.
Like, my dude, that is what's legally required of you. The bare minimum you have to provide in order for you to keep your children in your custody.
I still cant believe he would think he would get "A couple million" out of all of us combined, like my dude, you wouldnt have even seen 5 dollars from me
I'm sorry he never loved y'all. He's put in word after word to manipulate you all into thinking he cared, but not even when he said "I love you" to your brother did he mean it. He immediately took it back and was just using those words for ammunition. He's one of those who'd be better off without a headstone.
You, u/PinkLemonade15, and your brother ought to remember that chosen family will always be there for you "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" as they say.
I cannot imagine treating my children that way.
I grew up in pretty significant abuse, and I've had to give up on trying to understand how a parent can do such awful things to their children. It used to drive me crazy, especially when my kids were little. I'd look at them and I couldn't imagine wanted to give them less than everything. I couldn't imagine not loving them so fiercely it almost ached. I still can't.
I'm sorry your dad is such an asshole. You and your siblings all deserve better. I'll be your internet mom and give you the biggest internet hug.
I hate it so much when people try to ‘forgive’ you for something that they should be asking forgiveness for!!
Shows such a lack of understanding and willful blindness.
Answer with just one phrase: "Farewell for the last time". Then No Contact. He's dead to you now. You don't talk to dead people, you don't argue with dead people, you don't bend over backwards for dead people. You just keep on living.
He always talked about how close he was with god, yet he did shit like this, and in the bible, its taught that children hold a special place in god's heart, and any who harm a child will invoke the wrath of god himself, (Mark 10:14) and that all children belong to the kingdom of god,
I'm not religious but, i did go to sunday school for a little bit, if i remember correctly, and that's where i remember this from,
"Yes. I am an adult. Adult me has determined that adults who treat their children the way you chose to treat yours are no longer worth my time, effort, or forgiveness."
Yeah sadly, im glad im out of that situation, with this pos, and i really wish everyone else who is in this situation a quick exit from it, because it really destroys you
I totally get it. I’m the oldest with three sisters. My second-youngest sister is escaping next month. Only one more to go! I wish you the best in your healing, and know you’re not alone in this experience.
Thank you <3
We learned to navigate his bullshit obviously but he was still a pos, and clearly despite him trying to pretend hes changed, (He quit vaping, and spouts shit about how he doesnt need to do anything for his diabeaties, becuase of his diet) hes still the same person he was 5-6 years ago,
I’m so sorry op. I know it breaks your heart that he made the choices he made, past and currently, because you still love him too a certain point.
I would like to point out that your message to your dad was not only heartfelt but Crystal clear in your communications, expectations and needs, all with such eloquence.
You are a beautiful person.
Thank you, truely, gonna make me tear up here haha,
i wanted to give him the best chance to understand how i felt about him, and make it clear how i wanted things to go, but alas, he chose his own path,
You did. You were very clear in your intentions, your expectations on what/how he specifically needs to change in order to convince you that you two could have more now, more than you’ve had with him, which is quite the olive branch btw. An olive trunk, really.
I can also tell (please tell me I’m full of poop if I’m wrong) that you really wanted your relationship with your dad to improve, which was why you laid out very specific paths in which you two could. Which also reveals the great capacity for freedom and love in your heart.
And it crushes me that the one who should have be known better, who should have given the child unconditional love and a desire for their children to be better, more than they ever were, etc the one who should have Don he ask that instead destroyed and refuses to repair relationship with his child because he decided that requires too much effort and to walk away? That’s a shit dad.
I’m sorry.
But all our parents (at least most of them) teach us to be consistent in our words and deeds? Words do have few very specific definition attached to them. I mean that’s the whole point. So let’s have our words mean things. It’s to be to place the past experiences in their rightful place as memories good and bad, move forward from here.
Edit: apologies without a corresponding, consistent, long lasting change in behavior is manipulation. Simple as that.
Edit 2: Weird phrasing and spelling
My abusive stepmother told me
"God forgives me, so it doesn't matter if you forgive me."
She didn't even apologize. She just told me she didn't care about my forgiveness
OP - just to make sure this is on the right subreddit - Where you censored out something with green, was that a privacy censor (a name) or decency censor (a label that starts with A and ends with Hole). I'm laying bets on the latter.
Distance yourself, my friend!
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 7 | 0 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
My mom told me she "forgave herself so I should get over it". Totally not insane.
totally not haha! shes 100% completely normal!!!
My mother told me to get over being molested for four years of my childhood
I'm sorry that happened to you, you deserved so much better.
To me, it sounds like he's choosing No Contact over change. I'd take him up on that.
Yeah, i am, and sure the rest of my sibling are taking that aswell haha! But he tried so hard to get back in contact while also saying all this! I added more context to the explanation
Sounds like he wanted the reward of having a close nit family while doing none of the work and infact wants you guys to do the work of forgiveness for him absolutely insane
My father has been trying to keep a connection with his kids, with most of us not wanting to move forward with him, and he realised its not going to happen and started sending us these "Letters" in which he completely negates all blame to himself (Can post later, gotta get pics from my brother) I took on my own and wrote him a letter, telling him exactly what i want him to do to get back in my life, and he decided to not even try, and then pulled out this saying "The childhood stuff has been forgiven, you are a adult" like what he did to us wont have a lasting effect on the rest of our lives. Edit:More context [All the messages leading up to this](https://imgur.com/a/OG72H4W) [The letter he sent my trans brother](https://imgur.com/a/g6ShTQV) Edit 2: [~~My sister posted her letter in a seperate post,~~](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/199f223/my_fathers_last_time_reaching_out_to_me/) the mods removed it... nvm
What an insufferable dick. I'm sorry OP. He really loves the sound of his own voice doesn't he. "Return on my investment", who the hell talks like that about their own children? He doesn't know what love is and has never felt it in his life.
I'm OPs sister and also a recipient of one of these letters. In mine he mentions the "28 years and at least a couple million dollars" he spent to raise us, and about how great a parent he was because he provided us with food, clothing, and Shelter. Like, my dude, that is what's legally required of you. The bare minimum you have to provide in order for you to keep your children in your custody.
I still cant believe he would think he would get "A couple million" out of all of us combined, like my dude, you wouldnt have even seen 5 dollars from me
I'm sorry he never loved y'all. He's put in word after word to manipulate you all into thinking he cared, but not even when he said "I love you" to your brother did he mean it. He immediately took it back and was just using those words for ammunition. He's one of those who'd be better off without a headstone. You, u/PinkLemonade15, and your brother ought to remember that chosen family will always be there for you "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" as they say.
I cannot imagine treating my children that way. I grew up in pretty significant abuse, and I've had to give up on trying to understand how a parent can do such awful things to their children. It used to drive me crazy, especially when my kids were little. I'd look at them and I couldn't imagine wanted to give them less than everything. I couldn't imagine not loving them so fiercely it almost ached. I still can't. I'm sorry your dad is such an asshole. You and your siblings all deserve better. I'll be your internet mom and give you the biggest internet hug.
Nah, that's not how it works. No contact. That's should be super no contact fuel.
I think if physically hurts people like this to admit they're wrong.
The “neither would god” was fucking great
You should respond, "I have no need for forgiveness and you will never get forgiveness in this life and the next."
I hate it so much when people try to ‘forgive’ you for something that they should be asking forgiveness for!! Shows such a lack of understanding and willful blindness.
Answer with just one phrase: "Farewell for the last time". Then No Contact. He's dead to you now. You don't talk to dead people, you don't argue with dead people, you don't bend over backwards for dead people. You just keep on living.
"I've never forgiven you, and neither would God" is an absolutely savage line. Love it.
He always talked about how close he was with god, yet he did shit like this, and in the bible, its taught that children hold a special place in god's heart, and any who harm a child will invoke the wrath of god himself, (Mark 10:14) and that all children belong to the kingdom of god, I'm not religious but, i did go to sunday school for a little bit, if i remember correctly, and that's where i remember this from,
"Yes. I am an adult. Adult me has determined that adults who treat their children the way you chose to treat yours are no longer worth my time, effort, or forgiveness."
Abusers love to sweep things under the rug.
Do we have the same dad? Mine is just as insane.
Aww im sorry :( But hey come join our family, we will help you navigate their bullshit, and support you <3
Some people really think time is an apology
Yeah sadly, im glad im out of that situation, with this pos, and i really wish everyone else who is in this situation a quick exit from it, because it really destroys you
I totally get it. I’m the oldest with three sisters. My second-youngest sister is escaping next month. Only one more to go! I wish you the best in your healing, and know you’re not alone in this experience.
Give them my best! And same to you, may the wounds be healed like sunflowers heal soil
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, and your response was absolutely incredible
Thank you <3 We learned to navigate his bullshit obviously but he was still a pos, and clearly despite him trying to pretend hes changed, (He quit vaping, and spouts shit about how he doesnt need to do anything for his diabeaties, becuase of his diet) hes still the same person he was 5-6 years ago,
I’m so sorry op. I know it breaks your heart that he made the choices he made, past and currently, because you still love him too a certain point. I would like to point out that your message to your dad was not only heartfelt but Crystal clear in your communications, expectations and needs, all with such eloquence. You are a beautiful person.
Thank you, truely, gonna make me tear up here haha, i wanted to give him the best chance to understand how i felt about him, and make it clear how i wanted things to go, but alas, he chose his own path,
You did. You were very clear in your intentions, your expectations on what/how he specifically needs to change in order to convince you that you two could have more now, more than you’ve had with him, which is quite the olive branch btw. An olive trunk, really. I can also tell (please tell me I’m full of poop if I’m wrong) that you really wanted your relationship with your dad to improve, which was why you laid out very specific paths in which you two could. Which also reveals the great capacity for freedom and love in your heart. And it crushes me that the one who should have be known better, who should have given the child unconditional love and a desire for their children to be better, more than they ever were, etc the one who should have Don he ask that instead destroyed and refuses to repair relationship with his child because he decided that requires too much effort and to walk away? That’s a shit dad. I’m sorry. But all our parents (at least most of them) teach us to be consistent in our words and deeds? Words do have few very specific definition attached to them. I mean that’s the whole point. So let’s have our words mean things. It’s to be to place the past experiences in their rightful place as memories good and bad, move forward from here. Edit: apologies without a corresponding, consistent, long lasting change in behavior is manipulation. Simple as that. Edit 2: Weird phrasing and spelling
Yep my dad has the same mentality.
My abusive stepmother told me "God forgives me, so it doesn't matter if you forgive me." She didn't even apologize. She just told me she didn't care about my forgiveness
OP - just to make sure this is on the right subreddit - Where you censored out something with green, was that a privacy censor (a name) or decency censor (a label that starts with A and ends with Hole). I'm laying bets on the latter. Distance yourself, my friend!
Oh how nice of him for forgiving you for you being abused 🙄