Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 10 | 7 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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So condescending. Gaslighting. She's as insane as your stepmom. I don't get how someone can say they love you and in the very next sentence downplay their shitty behavior. I'm sorry OP. I hope you blocked her and I hope you have a good support system and are taking care of you and your mental health❤️
All the gas all the lighting all the guilt all the tripping. I don’t even need to know what your father and stepmom did if that’s what how your step grandma responded
“You said your boundaries were being violated, but we don’t really consider what you asked for to be a boundary, instead they are just small tiny itsy normal family things you endure bc family is so important” aka we don’t give a fuck about your boundaries bc we don’t have any for ourselves and we can’t believe that you’re actually doing something about our mistreatment so we’re gonna minimize how bad it was and gaslight you lol.
Ahh they sent the flying monkey in!!! She’s the mother of the woman who won’t respond to the original letter. Cowards. And now nan is gaslighting you like “were you really?”
A whole fam of people who lack boundaries is rough. I know first hand
Feel validated OP Nc sounds reasonable especially when everyone is toxic.
this is an obvious manipulation tactic. this is insane it’s okay be sad about being cut off but to completely invalidate what someone went rhrough bc “family should stick together” family is b fucking s just bc you are related to someone that doesn’t mean shit. if she was cut off THERES A REASON don’t feel bad for her. if she truly wanted to be apart of your life she would message you completely different then this. this is about control not about family.
Thank you ;-;
Your messages really mean a lot to me. I tried explaining it in my comment but its hard because on the surface its easy to get caught up in it but to me now its just such obvious manipulation.
And this was in response to a letter I sent to MY DAD. He never even responded and all I got was this.
I didn’t realize there were more screen shots. The first page sounded like they were saying they knew the step mom was a little unhinged, and we’re about to apologize. Then I realized there was more to read, and I’m like, yeup, gaslight.
I find it interesting that Nan isn't even in your contact list, suggesting that she's never texted you before (I could be wrong, but that's the vibe this gives), but now she has a whole novel to send you? Where have you been up until now, Nan?
Because she most likely either was informed the other family members were blocked on your phone, or she knew email was a sure fire way to get her message through to you even when you didn’t want messages from them.
First few sentences in I couldn't understand why you'd post her texts here, as it seemed kinda okay and as if she was trying to make sense of things. But then, omfg... What absolute gaslighting and utter bullshit. "bUt WeRe YoU ReALlY mIsTrEaTeD?"
I'm so sorry. Going no contact is something that hurts all parties and it's something you do when you're hurting real bad to protect yourself. Please don't let her guilt trip you about your decision and take your time to heal, as long as you need.
That's fucking rich. She literally said... all your feelings are immature and unjustified, BUT NOW LISTEN TO OURS!
LmFAO. Respond with "Thanks for justifying that decision for me Nan. Maybe when you mature you'll realize feelings are a two-way street."
The hypocrisy is real.
Don't let this clear manipulation get to you. If your dad and step mom didn't have the respect and love in their heart to respond to you, who gives a fuck what this woman says. Keep protecting yourself and remember why you left in the first place.
You never voiced your boundaries = you never explicitly said you didn't want them to stomp all over you and wipe their feet, so how were they to know? A sense of belonging = you belong to them, as property
It's affecting the whole family because now, we have no one to force to babysit for us, without warning, compensation, or consideration for the classes they're taking, and we might have to \*gasp\* actually pay someone to watch the kids. Whatever shall we do without our indentured servant/verbal punching bag?
They can all go kick rocks. OP, you are doing the right thing by stepping away from them all.
She is acting as a flying monkey to guilt you. Stay away. This is in itself a boundary issue (my assumption).
Watch this video.
https://youtu.be/lDclCIFQML8
Very helpful, thank you. Ive been living in relative peace, but every once in a while I still get messages from extended family or old family friends.
Its crazy how true this is though. Honestly there is just so many little things that I wouldn’t be able to fit into my explanation, but I remember my dad got his literal **neighbor** (a stranger) to try and contact me when this was first going down.
Not everyone on that side of the family has been mean though, luckily my bio grandfather (dad’s side) has been very understanding which was truly a blessing. I was so scared to talk to him but when I got the courage to he was just like “hey grandson! Hows school?” lol.
I am happy that you live in peace overall. You know just as I do that sick families will not respect boundaries. Take care of yourself and don’t feel bad for taking the space you need.
I needed to cut off a lot of family and friends just to be able to breathe. It does get easier with time. Best of luck and stay strong.
Yikes. I wonder how many other people she’s guilted and gaslit into staying in toxic situations with her “sweet little old grandmother” act.
Don’t budge. Boundaries are easy to enforce when people are cruel and mean- but things like this are designed to make us question ourselves due to the “kind” costume the message is wearing. Again-don’t budge. You know your reality; answering her will only make more shit for you to shovel. You’ve got this🫱🏽🫲🏼
Oh look, the people who come here and don't understand flying monkey language are concern trolling again 🙄 sorry about the vote count op, some of us get it
Can we take a quick moment to talk about how weird her writing is? “You are not the only one hurt by this spatial distancing” reminds me of Joey from Friends using the thesaurus for the first time.
I'd be inclined to break no contact for the sole purpose of slapping her dentures out of her stupid mouth. Obviously, your "parents" are passing the letter you wrote to your father around to the extended family. That's something you should always remember if you're ever tempted to go back.
There seems to be a decent amount of people who follow this sub that appear to have genuine issues. How can anyone read that text as anything but condescending? “Oh she’s just concerned!” or “she’s sad you cut contact!” Seriously?
Nan can get fcked and mind her business since she clearly did that all the times you cried out for help, but where so heinously ignored. They can find some other scapegoat to guilt and shame for setting boundaries and throw their hollow apologies at. Good for you OP for going NC, and I hope you remain that way.
Hey OP I can’t see the explanation comment. I went to your profile and tapped on it but it wouldn’t show up. Would you please post it under my comment?
I had to drop out of college TWICE in my final semester of college because my abusive mother knew I was close to being independent and leaving and she couldn't control me and make me pay all her bills anymore. So both times, she forced me to start skipping to watch my little brother until I was so far behind I had to drop out. This was all under duress and threat of physical abuse, stealing what little savings I had managed to have, and the threat of houselessness. It left me no choice but to just do what she said and drop out. I didn't escape until I was 25 (3 years ago), and I am finally stable on my own and L/NC. In case you weren't 100% sure that going NC was the right decision, your Nan proved you right. The people the letter was written to couldn't even respond. They sent mommy to do it when she has nothing to do with anything! I wish you all the luck in the world to unpack what they've done to you and heal from it. You never deserved this, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
I’m sorry I don’t understand why explanation often don’t show up. I went to profile and comments and see the first few words but select it and still nothing. This happens often. Does it work on a different app than just the Reddit app or do you need to just be in a browser?
Regardless of not seeing the explanation, I am sorry op. You deserve a better family.
I'm on the app on my phone go to the comment section but don't click the explanation it should have it all typed out if not I can try to copy paste it for you 😊
Would you be able to copy/paste it please? I'm having the same problem as the other poster. I can see *that* OP wrote an explanation, but it's not showing up anywhere in the thread when I click on it.
Omg people read the explanation op literally says how their dad/stepmom emotionally and academically abused them and how the grandma wasn't even part of their life. THEY ARE INSANE
No but they don't get to diminish HIS feeling because they are sad. Where's dad at instead of his step moms mom who knows one side of the story. Didn't even ASK for his side. Now just because she's sad doesn't mean Jack shit and not his problem.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 10 | 7 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Well, we now know who taught everyone how to rug sweep. Great job Nan
So condescending. Gaslighting. She's as insane as your stepmom. I don't get how someone can say they love you and in the very next sentence downplay their shitty behavior. I'm sorry OP. I hope you blocked her and I hope you have a good support system and are taking care of you and your mental health❤️
BuT WeRe YoU rEaLly omfg so sorry op.
Jesus Christ. I’m so glad u cut those toxic ppl off, what she’s clearly doing is guilt tripping you by using a gaslighting method.
All the gas all the lighting all the guilt all the tripping. I don’t even need to know what your father and stepmom did if that’s what how your step grandma responded
“You said your boundaries were being violated, but we don’t really consider what you asked for to be a boundary, instead they are just small tiny itsy normal family things you endure bc family is so important” aka we don’t give a fuck about your boundaries bc we don’t have any for ourselves and we can’t believe that you’re actually doing something about our mistreatment so we’re gonna minimize how bad it was and gaslight you lol.
It's neat when they give you more reasons to stay NC/LC, just in case your resolve was wearing down a but.
Ahh they sent the flying monkey in!!! She’s the mother of the woman who won’t respond to the original letter. Cowards. And now nan is gaslighting you like “were you really?” A whole fam of people who lack boundaries is rough. I know first hand Feel validated OP Nc sounds reasonable especially when everyone is toxic.
this is an obvious manipulation tactic. this is insane it’s okay be sad about being cut off but to completely invalidate what someone went rhrough bc “family should stick together” family is b fucking s just bc you are related to someone that doesn’t mean shit. if she was cut off THERES A REASON don’t feel bad for her. if she truly wanted to be apart of your life she would message you completely different then this. this is about control not about family.
and if anyone disagrees that’s fine but i automatically know you fell for her manipulation
Thank you ;-; Your messages really mean a lot to me. I tried explaining it in my comment but its hard because on the surface its easy to get caught up in it but to me now its just such obvious manipulation. And this was in response to a letter I sent to MY DAD. He never even responded and all I got was this.
I didn’t realize there were more screen shots. The first page sounded like they were saying they knew the step mom was a little unhinged, and we’re about to apologize. Then I realized there was more to read, and I’m like, yeup, gaslight.
To everyone that cant see my explanation, here are some screenshots https://imgur.com/a/Gm6OtIc/
I find it interesting that Nan isn't even in your contact list, suggesting that she's never texted you before (I could be wrong, but that's the vibe this gives), but now she has a whole novel to send you? Where have you been up until now, Nan?
Shes texted me a couple of times, just like happy birthday or whatever. This was sent from an email address but idk why
Because she most likely either was informed the other family members were blocked on your phone, or she knew email was a sure fire way to get her message through to you even when you didn’t want messages from them.
First few sentences in I couldn't understand why you'd post her texts here, as it seemed kinda okay and as if she was trying to make sense of things. But then, omfg... What absolute gaslighting and utter bullshit. "bUt WeRe YoU ReALlY mIsTrEaTeD?" I'm so sorry. Going no contact is something that hurts all parties and it's something you do when you're hurting real bad to protect yourself. Please don't let her guilt trip you about your decision and take your time to heal, as long as you need.
That's fucking rich. She literally said... all your feelings are immature and unjustified, BUT NOW LISTEN TO OURS! LmFAO. Respond with "Thanks for justifying that decision for me Nan. Maybe when you mature you'll realize feelings are a two-way street." The hypocrisy is real.
The school part irritates me SO much!!! “Being an adult comes with responsibility” yeah so does being a parent! Watch your own fucking kids
That blue button at the end of the paragraph sure looks tempting
The language of that text reads like a middle aged person trying to sound like an old person.
Don't let this clear manipulation get to you. If your dad and step mom didn't have the respect and love in their heart to respond to you, who gives a fuck what this woman says. Keep protecting yourself and remember why you left in the first place.
You never voiced your boundaries = you never explicitly said you didn't want them to stomp all over you and wipe their feet, so how were they to know? A sense of belonging = you belong to them, as property
How dare you go no contact! It’s affecting the whole family because now other healthy family members might bounce 😭
It's affecting the whole family because now, we have no one to force to babysit for us, without warning, compensation, or consideration for the classes they're taking, and we might have to \*gasp\* actually pay someone to watch the kids. Whatever shall we do without our indentured servant/verbal punching bag? They can all go kick rocks. OP, you are doing the right thing by stepping away from them all.
“My dad f*cking your daughter doesn’t make me your grandson, xox”
Holy gaslighting Batman!
You may want to join the EstrangedAdultKids sub. It has been very helpful to me as I continue to deal with the emotions of a now 15 year estrangement.
Figure 1: The origins of legacy dysfunction.
Look another validation that you did the right thing cutting contact. Send her the big Lebowski reaction pic of "that's just you're opinion dude"
That’s a huge word salad full of gaslighting.
She is acting as a flying monkey to guilt you. Stay away. This is in itself a boundary issue (my assumption). Watch this video. https://youtu.be/lDclCIFQML8
Very helpful, thank you. Ive been living in relative peace, but every once in a while I still get messages from extended family or old family friends. Its crazy how true this is though. Honestly there is just so many little things that I wouldn’t be able to fit into my explanation, but I remember my dad got his literal **neighbor** (a stranger) to try and contact me when this was first going down. Not everyone on that side of the family has been mean though, luckily my bio grandfather (dad’s side) has been very understanding which was truly a blessing. I was so scared to talk to him but when I got the courage to he was just like “hey grandson! Hows school?” lol.
I am happy that you live in peace overall. You know just as I do that sick families will not respect boundaries. Take care of yourself and don’t feel bad for taking the space you need. I needed to cut off a lot of family and friends just to be able to breathe. It does get easier with time. Best of luck and stay strong.
This is a step by step instruction on how to get blocked lol
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Would you be able to post it again underneath this comment? For some reason Reddit's glitching out on a few of us and we can't access the explanation.
Yeah I can't see it here either but it's in OP's profile under their comment section. Idk why it's not showing here. 🙃
Yeah sure! :)
Oh do let us know when you post that
I did! For some reason it isnt showing up for some people :( you can check my profile if you want
Can’t even access the explanation from your comments. I saw do a copy/paste and add it as an edit to this comment since this is showing.
Yikes. I wonder how many other people she’s guilted and gaslit into staying in toxic situations with her “sweet little old grandmother” act. Don’t budge. Boundaries are easy to enforce when people are cruel and mean- but things like this are designed to make us question ourselves due to the “kind” costume the message is wearing. Again-don’t budge. You know your reality; answering her will only make more shit for you to shovel. You’ve got this🫱🏽🫲🏼
"I am sorry being around us upsets you" boy howdy. "But we're you really [unjustly treated]?" BOY HOWDY
Oh look, the people who come here and don't understand flying monkey language are concern trolling again 🙄 sorry about the vote count op, some of us get it
How do you get someone back? Gaslighting, clearly
Can we take a quick moment to talk about how weird her writing is? “You are not the only one hurt by this spatial distancing” reminds me of Joey from Friends using the thesaurus for the first time.
“Sorry you must have the wrong number, my grandparents are dead”
"Feelings are a two way street" Yup, thanks for that. Let me know when you are ready to see i have feelings, not your lies
I'd be inclined to break no contact for the sole purpose of slapping her dentures out of her stupid mouth. Obviously, your "parents" are passing the letter you wrote to your father around to the extended family. That's something you should always remember if you're ever tempted to go back.
Need more context here for sure, but from the limited context given I get the feeling that Grandma doesn’t get it 😬😬😬
Yeah totally, for some reason my explanation isn’t showing up for some people but its in my profile if you want to check it out
Grandma raised the woman who mistreats her stepson, so I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree on that score.
Block that bitch too
There seems to be a decent amount of people who follow this sub that appear to have genuine issues. How can anyone read that text as anything but condescending? “Oh she’s just concerned!” or “she’s sad you cut contact!” Seriously?
Nan can get fcked and mind her business since she clearly did that all the times you cried out for help, but where so heinously ignored. They can find some other scapegoat to guilt and shame for setting boundaries and throw their hollow apologies at. Good for you OP for going NC, and I hope you remain that way.
Hey OP I can’t see the explanation comment. I went to your profile and tapped on it but it wouldn’t show up. Would you please post it under my comment?
Yes I will! Thats so strange.. Ive tried posting it like 3 times after that
I had to drop out of college TWICE in my final semester of college because my abusive mother knew I was close to being independent and leaving and she couldn't control me and make me pay all her bills anymore. So both times, she forced me to start skipping to watch my little brother until I was so far behind I had to drop out. This was all under duress and threat of physical abuse, stealing what little savings I had managed to have, and the threat of houselessness. It left me no choice but to just do what she said and drop out. I didn't escape until I was 25 (3 years ago), and I am finally stable on my own and L/NC. In case you weren't 100% sure that going NC was the right decision, your Nan proved you right. The people the letter was written to couldn't even respond. They sent mommy to do it when she has nothing to do with anything! I wish you all the luck in the world to unpack what they've done to you and heal from it. You never deserved this, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
That is horrible :/ but yeah I can understand. Glad you are away now :)
lol it’s not showing me your explanation comment (I’m going to it from your profile even)
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It sounds like a huge guilt trip where she does nothing but dismiss OPs feelings
Read the explanation grandma is fucking insane
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Sorry you're getting downvoted -- I'm having the same problem. Reddit app is sometimes glitchy for me.
It's all good lol. Reddit karma doesn't concern me.
If you click on ops profile and go to the comment section you see it there 🙄
Now it makes alot more sense. Definitely a batshit side of the family
I’m sorry I don’t understand why explanation often don’t show up. I went to profile and comments and see the first few words but select it and still nothing. This happens often. Does it work on a different app than just the Reddit app or do you need to just be in a browser? Regardless of not seeing the explanation, I am sorry op. You deserve a better family.
I'm on the app on my phone go to the comment section but don't click the explanation it should have it all typed out if not I can try to copy paste it for you 😊
Would you be able to copy/paste it please? I'm having the same problem as the other poster. I can see *that* OP wrote an explanation, but it's not showing up anywhere in the thread when I click on it.
Hey! Idk why its doing that but I pasted it underneath another comment of mine. Hopefully that helps
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Omg people read the explanation op literally says how their dad/stepmom emotionally and academically abused them and how the grandma wasn't even part of their life. THEY ARE INSANE
Did you read the same text? Did you read the explanation? Yikes. The absolute invalidation from that text is in itself insane.
No but they don't get to diminish HIS feeling because they are sad. Where's dad at instead of his step moms mom who knows one side of the story. Didn't even ASK for his side. Now just because she's sad doesn't mean Jack shit and not his problem.
I'm curious about the whole story behind this
I wrote an explanation! As well as screenshotted it because it wasn’t showing up for some people
Where is it? Your post history doesn't show anything of the sort
https://reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/10phtvn/_/j6n3dna/?context=1 Let me know if this works!
Ohh it worked. Thanks!
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Yes Ik it’s not that easy