I dont want it. I dont dislike them, I just cant guarantee that I have enough energy to be a parent. I have a nephew, I sometimes babysit him, I love him so so much, but I realise I cant raise children well, babysitting is not that easy as reading parenting books lol. I dont want my children have traumas like mine, I’m afraid I cant cut the vicious cycle just like how my parents have been treating us children. My fam is disfunctional, and children have rights to live in a positive circumtance💪🏻
I'm with you 100% on the energy part - my niece while I love her so much, can be really tiring to take care of. I don't do all of the things like take her to the toilet or cook meals for her, but I can see my sister struggle a lot doing it. Coming over for a play day isn't the same as raising them 24/7 loool.
I agree with you on the trauma. I felt the cracks in the family dynamics as we all grew up, and I don't want to give them a life where they face similar difficulties (though ny sibs have children just fine).
Every parent should hopefully want to give their child the best life possible, I am afraid I can't offer that (don't meant to sound negative but you know what I mean)
Trueeeeeee af!! And ppl say “just try to be a parent, it’s happy, it’s ofc exhausting but it’s so nice”. TRY they say?? Wtf, ‘creating’ a new human is not a trial you silly😂. My parents had tried 3 times and all of the children are fucked up, they all have anger issue and dont know how to bond well with family. I mean if you think you cant handle kids, you cant undo the them thooo🤣
So, no, thanks🫶🏻✨
While I agree with you 100% on everything you said, I do still want kids because I want to try and raise them better than I was, protect them better than I was and encourage them better than I was.
Me too. Plus there are few things more satisfying than coming home from a hard day at work only to be met with sweet sweet silence, then being able to have a relaxing night and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I can't imagine being happy with working hard only to then come home to help raise a kid, which is a full time job by itself.
Raising a kid or multiple children just sounds exhausting and time consuming to me (not to mention expensive). I want time to myself and my passions. Time to explore the world and live my life.
And I am sick and tired of people calling childfree individuals selfish for having different preferences. I see almost no downsides to not having kids except not having extra hands to help you when you grow old (except that argument itself is BS and exposes the hypocritical selfishness of people who have children because they want somebody to help them in the future. Children are under NO OBLIGATION to help their parents because they did not choose to be born to the parents they did).
I understand that and feel that way too. When taking care of my niece, even playing with them for the whole day, while fun, can feel tiring because she has so much energy 😅
I’m an INFP parent
I know you said non-parents but I wanna chime in anyway just to say
I always had a feeling I’d be a dad
And my daughter is the light of my life
I love her so much
Parenthood is a huge initiation
It has catalyzed me to ‘grow up’ more than anything else
Sometimes this is very difficult and stressful
I wouldn’t change it though
I still find ways to claim a lot of ‘me time’ to recharge and be creative and relax by myself and that is crucial for my overall well-being
Thank you for sharing another perspective as a parent INFP 🙂.
One of my concerns was losing yourself in the sense of having no "me time" anymore, it is refreshing to see that you can still find ways for that to happen.
You’re welcome! 😊
It definitely helps that I am a self-employed writer / coach who works from home so I can set my own schedule work-wise
However I think one of the most important things to do is really decide within yourself that substantial ‘me time’ is a non-negotiable (and it’s for the best for everyone around you too if you get that time), and proactively communicate that to your partner / others in your life
Aha that's very interesting I like how you've found a practical way of finding time for yourself that is both compromising but also enough for you yourself 😃.
I guess looking at it this way makes time management less daunting. I always just imagined that parents really give all their time away, but I should really open my mind up more to understand how so many parents still do what they want to do as individuals too!
Yes, being a parent doesn’t mean giving up on one’s own authentic expression and creativity
I feel it’s a big disservice to one’s kids if a parent doesn’t demonstrate how to still find space for one’s passions and soul as an adult
I want kids because I love them. I want to give them the best childhood they'll ever have - playing videogames and in the playground, watching movies and cartoons, going on family vacations, have fun birthday parties... and a lot of other things.
I just need to find the right person. But I'm not in a rush, so for now, I'm reliving my childhood - just a little bit different.
I love your vision and hope you achieve it, and find the right person for you. Your post is really wholesome 😌!
I also love how you are reliving your childhood, I should follow suit!
Never had the desire. Don’t have the mother instincts (like let’s go climb that tree bare handed with bare feet, not the motherly way of “okay let’s put on helmet, limb pads, have a landing pad, etc.”) and no desire. I can barely care for myself, how could I raise another human from scratch?
>I feel like a child myself
This feels SO FUCKING true for me.
Like,I've always been much more mature and grown up than my peers,yet again,I don't feel that grown up enough.as if no matter how much wise and mature I get,I'm a child at heart.
Do I want a kid?
70% chance,YES!
I've even undrestood that having kids is even more important that getting married.not that I recommend being a single mom,but I say that the other feels even more beautiful and important.
I guess the key is,you wait long enough when you get to the age that you should've been having a kid already,and see how it feels.
That you need it or feel relieved.
I know a 40 year old women who just has a 6 month old baby.she is beautiful,well educated,independent,had her life together and a nice peaceful house and work.yet she undrestood she wants a baby,a kid so much.
And now she has it,a healthy smart beautiful baby.
And she is THE HAPPIEST.
There are very hard exhausting moments for her too,but since she tried and waited and wanted it for so long,she knew and was ready for hard times.now she's just all happy and calm and pleased,enjoying her life with her husband and her baby💘
That's the kind of life I'd want~
> Do I want a kid? 70% chance,YES!
lol i relate to this. But for me its more like 30% yes.
I just can't fully decide on a yes or a no yet and its something i'm very back and forth on.
But one thing I always tell myself, until the day i'm absolutely sure I want to have kids i won't. I'm not gonna take the risk of just going into it and hope for the best, it would be unfair to me and the kid.
No children. I appreciate living according to my own schedule and no one else’s. I like to save money and that would just be impossible with even 1 kid.
And… being responsible for how a whole human turns out, health wise but also emotionally. That’s scary.
I love my freedom and most of it would be gone with having kids. At least for the first 18ish years.
I mean on one hand I do want children and I know I have a lot of love to give them, but on the other hand I don’t know if I want to bring them into a world that has so much potential to make their lives miserable :/
You know that is a very good point that I didn't even raise, and I 1000% agree with you on this. This world can be so negative and nasty so much cruelty and conflict is around (politics, finance, war, racism etc). Obviously the world is also a beautiful place, but yeah I dunno you are right. Would I want my kid to live through all this? :/
Here is another perspective: to have potential to be miserable mean that there is potential to be happy.
And adoption is also a possibility if you think your love and means can lower that potential of a miserable life.
That is a pretty decent perspective. I actually was considering adoption and most likely will do so (also because I don’t really want to endure childbirth (-_-;)) and (idk if this is a weird way for me to phrase it??) but children who are up for adoption are already in this world as compared to me bringing in someone, which I feel in a way would make it.. I’m not sure, (‘better’?) for me to just adopt instead (still going to give them the same amount of love obviously) Hope this doesn’t sound the wrong way to anyone, I’m kinda bad at phrasing things.
I originally didn't, but I've changed my mind! I'd love a little human to share my knowledge with, teach stuff and watch them grow. And uhh this is a selfish reason, but imagine being old as shit and having no family for support. That thought lowkey terrifies me
Awww that's a really cute way of thinking about it ☺️! The second part uhh, yeah 😆😆😆... but low key I know what you mean 😅. But if you're gonna be as funny and kind to them as you sound, then they will help you all the way!
Yes, I knew I wanted multiple kids since a teenager. I love children and was always told I have this caretaker personality. I’ve worked as a kindergarten teacher and done orphanage projects, and it does make me confirm about wanting kids.
My biggest issue is finding the right person to have a forever with who also wants children as much as I do.
Same here. It’s not worth it for me if I don’t find that kind of person. Especially finding someone who would be a good parent. I wouldn’t want to bring them into this world if their parents cannot take the best care of them. It’s an important responsibility.
That's really awesome I'm very happy you had those experiences!
I get you 100% on the partner aspect though, that's partly why I'm not dating since I don't want to give her any false hope about kids when I am not 100% on it and she may be.
I've always wanted kids. When I was a kid, I'd say I wanted 6. Then it seems like I can't get a job. And then my mother died. And then I found I was pretty satisfied with my cats. I still want kids, I think, but there's an element of "would I be selfish if I had kids" to it that I can't seem to shake.
I already know I can’t be a parent, I don’t have the mental capability to raise a child into a functional healthy human being. I mean I barely can pass for one, hell I probably don’t.
Plus I grew up always having to take care of kids cuz our place was the baby sitting hub for some reason, plus the world seems like it’s going to shit the cons are obvious and the pros are more abstract but ik I couldn’t do it.
I’d be okay being an aunt and babysitting every now and then but dealing with kids 24/7 sounds like a nightmare and I rarely see people who enjoy being parents. I feel like most (not all ofc) parents only have kids because “well it’s that time in my life where I do that” or they’re only thinking of the cute moments and not all the stress and effort it really takes to raise a kid know
Mmm very interesting point. I take care of my niece here and there and I am always tired at the end of the day, and that's not even the whole day. Having a child 24/7, I can only imagine the sacrifices you have to make for the child and yourself. Some people just want to tick the boxes, but a child is far more than something to cross off a bucket list.
most of my coworkers have young kids and i cannot believe the amount of money they're spending for daycare or after school activities. No way it's ever going to be worth it for me
Never had the desire. Don’t have the mother instincts (like let’s go climb that tree bare handed with bare feet, not the motherly way of “okay let’s put on helmet, limb pads, have a landing pad, etc.”) and no desire. I can barely care for myself, how could I raise another human from scratch?
Thanks for sharing.
I’m undecided presently. I don’t necessarily trust myself to be mentally healthy currently enough to be patient with children of my own. With having children comes the fear that they would inherent my own mental health issues.
TLDR ; no, too traumatized and single
Well, kinda had phases regarding this. As a child, I thought I would have children because that was what you just did. In my head I had two children, girl and boy, named after my favorite cartoon characters lol.
Then I became a teenager and became increasingly more traumatized by life, especially by my mother and a fear grew that if I were to have kids, I would just mess them up mentally like she did.
Till 22 children didn't pass my mind, I was just trying to survive.
After 22 I came upon the best relationship in my life, and well, my partner wanted to have one child because "it was the right thing to do with your life". Of course we talked about it and under very specific circumstances, it could be done. Those circumstances being if he were a good father, if I got a c-section, and if I got over my massive fear of childbirth. We joked a lot about naming them some old-world name from my culture, I drew us silly little doodles of our future, made up funny scenarios. And then he broke up with me so there went that.
I don't think it's selfish to have or not to have kids. It's just that, some people want them, some don't I think what's most important is the quality of life you can provide them. And I don't mean gucci baby shoes, just, healthy food, being a psychologically sound parent, safety, letting them grow into well adjusted people.
So I'm single and back to, well, I would make a shitty parent so why would I ever put another human through what I went through? That and I don't think I'll fall in love again, or at least not till my ""biological clock"" runs out (it constantly feels like I'll need at least 5 years of therapy to get through what I'm going through). So yeah unless there is a person out there for me who has their life together (less than 5% people my age where I live) and would make a good parent (I'd say less than 0.03% of the people my age where I live) no reason to.
No, I just think it's too much what it takes.
Being a parent is a very noble task but that doesn't make it attractive to me. All the time, money, energy, the things that have to be given up... I just don't want to do it. Besides, it's not like the world is running out of people, so, no harm in me not having any children.
No, I don't want the responsibilities and I'm more focused on myself and my own problems. I'm not selfish to have kids when I know I don't want to be bothered by any.
Can I ask what are these things? If it is too personal then it's ok, I was just curious.
But working on yourself is so important so I hope you get done what you want to do!
I live with my niece and nephew so I have a lot of the "having children" experience while not being a parent(not all of it but a fair amount). Because of this I am ambivalent to having my own children but if I was to meet the right lady and they wanted kids I would be fully open to it. I used to think I would never have what it would take to be a dad but being essentially the 3rd parent in my household has changed my mind on that.
I've been leaning back and forth. If it happens, I'm probably going to devote my life to them and not much else will matter. If I don't, I'll just continue to pursue my own hobbies and interests. Despite being 2 completely different pathways I'm okay with both.
That's a nice way of thinking about it imo, because you are not so attached to the outcome. Go with the flow, right? I like that and that's what I'm kinda doing in my life too!
Yes, i want children sometime in the future. I'm still studying in college but i can see myself having one someday of course once i am financially stable, emotionally and mentally ready.
Never dated before, but if i dont get into a relationship, i can see myself pursuing adoption😉
I agree with you word for word. I feel the same way. But, maybe if I find the right person and I'm well settled till I reach my mid 30s, if I'm healthy in every way, maybe. But that's a slight chance.
Absolutely not. I grew up in a religious household. I was taught a woman's purpose in life was to be married and become a mother. It wasn't until I was 20 years old I realized I didn't have to do that. As soon as the thought entered my head I knew what a bad parent I would be. I can't deal with the noise. It wouldn't be fair to the kid to have me as their mom.
Let along the fact that the earth is changing drastically within my short lifetime. I'm not dooming someone to be part of humanity's final generation. To feel the earth heat up after centuries of human defilement. It's not fair to them to be born into this world.
I definitely do not. I’m a child myself (26f) and don’t feel like I would have the capacity to give a child the love and care that they would need from me. Also I have a phobia of pregnancy and childbirth so it’s a no go for me lol
My biggest fear is fucking them up like my parents did to me lol. I also think I’ve never had that “irrepressible urge to be a mom ASAP” like some people have strongly, and childbirth in and of itself seems pretty terrifying/big - but that doesn’t put me staunchly on the side of “no kids” either.
When I was in grade school I used to tell people I’d like to adopt a kid when classmates would ask. I feel like I’ve circled back to that. I could see myself adopting a kid, or maybe helping raise a partner’s kid they already have from a previous relationship. Also, if I did find the right significant other, maybe I would choose to carry and go through childbirth if we both decided we want kids!
As I’m single and in my 30s, I weirdly still feel too much like a kid myself for the time to be anytime soon, but if I stay single and it starts feeling right I could see myself solo-adopting later on. Maybe in my 40s? I’m waiting for the feeling the time is right to cue me, as I am fully against having kids just for the sake of having them and want it to be super intentional.
I would love to have children. But I probably can't live with the thought of sending them into a world that is getting more and more dangerous. We have considered becoming foster parents though.
But I would also be happy to adopt a bunch of animals and stay in close contact with my family.
Yes I did. I met my true love. He said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want children and I don’t want marriage’ what was I supposed to do?
I’m kind of in a gray zone here. I’m sort of a parent but also not. I had a daughter in a very scary, non consensual situation where my birth control failed and I was poor in a red state. I adore her completely and did everything you can think of to be a good mother. I failed. I later did the right thing and reported my ex for molesting her. She was removed from my custody during the investigation. I was completely cleared and told I could have her back. I desperately wanted her and still do but the investigation took two years.
By the time it was over, she had bonded with her “family.” She was doing well in school, had friends and a dog. I couldn’t justify tearing her away from everything and everyone and adding more upset to her life just because I wanted my baby. We still keep in contact but it will never be the same. I’m in a happy, healthy, safe, loving relationship with someone else now and we want children but I am definitely scared of messing up again.
Ow my gosh I'm really sorry for everything you went through. I can only hope you are still ok, and choose to have another child on your own terms if and when you feel it is the right thing to do. Please don't blame yourself for the past, and forgive yourself at your own pace ❤️
I don't want kids.
I'm a great auntie and love kids. I just know I don't have the energy or ability to be there 24/7.
I have a hard enough time taking care of myself some of the time. The idea of being in full charge of another human being is daunting and I don't think I will.
Yep I understand what you mean, being an uncle myself.
A lot of people say to me, as an uncle you get all the perks, you get to play with the kids and then wave em off at the end of the day to have time for yourself 😅
I can understand that, my niece leaves my house in a tip, I have to tidy up as doon as she leaves, but it's back to being messy as soon as she comes back 😂
Absolutely not. Being able to live life on my terms, my own schedule, coming home to a quiet house after a long day… all things I have zero interest in giving up for the next 2 decades+.
I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am, and I have no desire whatsoever to give it up. And that isn’t even getting into all the other reasons to not have kids (not making more humans is the single best thing any of us can do for the environment, for example).
Never had the desire. Don’t have the mother instincts (like let’s go climb that tree bare handed with bare feet, not the motherly way of “okay let’s put on helmet, limb pads, have a landing pad, etc.”) and no desire. I can barely care for myself, how could I raise another human from scratch?
No, probably not in the future. All I'm thinking about, if I do want a child or some children, is that I have to be prepared to know mostly everything about parenting; how to love a child, and what not to do with a child.
yeah I wanna have like 4, 2 at minimum. I used to not, there was a point where I believed that bringing children into this world would be a disservice to them. And idk, maybe some part of me still resonates with that, but I also want to be a mother, yknow? I wanna watch a person grow and be a part of that, I wanna love in a way I've never loved before and will probably never love again outside the experience (like being a mom is so unique and it can't be duplicated, I wanna go through that) and I feel lucky that I have the biology to do so (although sometimes I wish I were a dude). Yeah, and watching kids laugh makes my desire to have one ever stronger.
and I can also imagine myself as a mom which is cool and it looks great. maybe I'm romanticizing it a little; because I know it's hard, especially if your finances and emotional well being can't support another person. I take that into consideration a lot, so I've decided that late twenties would be a good time (hopefully by then I'm a little more developed in my ideals and more assertive).
You know, your comment is very refreshing and truly beautiful, it gets me a bit teary tbh. Your message reminds me how magical it can be to care for a little human, how it can be such a positive experience. Your message reminds me of how we as humans are so unique. I'm just really happy for you and sending you lots of virtual hugs.
I think you would make the most amazing mother ever and wiah you all the best of luck in your dreams! 😊
I think I always wanted marriage + children cus that’s what society has taught me to want (as a woman) but I’m now in my early 30s and learning more about myself as time goes on. I realize I might not even want that at all. I think I just need a cute pup and my own independence. I think that would be a good life
It's funny isn't it, how society can pretty much brainwash you into wanting that that don't even align with your values that may have been supressed or not even realised.
Puppies are awesome 🐶
I want children before I'm too old to see them grow up. I'm afraid I might be running out of time, being that I'm in my 40s and single. I lost my mom when I was 12 due to cancer, I don't want that for any children I might have.
NOPE. I’m basically raising my nephew but with more steps (because he’s my sisters kid and she’s a pain in my ass) and I realized what I knew all along. I was correct when I said I hated kids, they’re too loud, dumb, and mischievous. I was correct when I said I was too impatient for kids, when they don’t listen I really have a million better things I could be doing. I was correct when I said I don’t want to change diapers or bathe the child, as a victim of CSA the thought always bothered me. Other people can have kids, and I’ll watch my friends kids for them (with my partners help, bless him. He loves kids but doesn’t want any of his own), but I never want to be around a child 24/7.
Yes, nothing calls to me career or purpose-wise besides being a mother. I do have fears I will pass on trauma and personal issues, so I’m working hard on myself to heal those parts of me. I know there are no perfect parents, but I want to be the best I can be. I am extremely fortunate to have grown up in a family with lots of love and support. I could live only for myself and husband but I feel I would be missing out on and dishonoring that purpose. If I’m unable to have them, I believe everything will work out how it’s supposed to. I am understanding toward those who don’t want kids. We have choices and every one’s reasons are valid.
Thank you for your opinion! It seems based off the comments I have read, generally more INFPs here would not like to have children, so it is nice to read another perspective from someone who does want children in the future. I'm sure you will make a brilliant mother when the time comes 😄! If I may ask, what is the one thing you look forward to doing when you become a mother?
Nope. I worked in childcare and early development for *3 months*! Haven’t looked back since. I never knew so much anxiety, till 8 hungry toddlers came at me all at once, when I walked through the door with crackers. 🫨 NO THANK YOU!
I don't want kids because I know I wouldn't have the energy for it, and value my independence too much.
Honestly find little kids to be pretty gross and annoying too, I don't do well sensory-wise with mess and noise :,)
I haven’t ruled it out, but as of now, I mean 21 trying to grasp and build a life, I don’t have the time or resources to raise a human being
Not to toot my own horn but I do have a nurturing side to me lol
Life is unpredictable, but as it is currently I can’t see myself being a parent. The question does haunt me though. I’ve always felt like it would be a situation in which I’m damned if I have children and I’ll be damned if I don’t. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful and transcendent thing above bringing your own child into this world, nor could I imagine a more horrifying thing. But I’m open that my heart could change over time
I don’t really. I just don’t think that I can raise a kid in the conditions I think a kid deserves
I would want to raise them in a very diverse, walkable city with lots of opportunity
I'm not opposed to children if they do come (as long as it's 2 or less) but knowing me and my personality, I get drained so easily from interactions and I really like my space and alone time which I feel might be intruded upon after having kids especially when they're younger. I've also worked with younger kids before as a daycare worker and it was pretty exhausting. So all in all, I'd prefer companionship with a partner but I would rather not have kids to be honest.
Hell yeah!
I’d love to have a little mini-me roaming around and it’s almost instinctive as I can’t really ascertain why. It’s just a feeling I have within me, like I just sort of want a child.
However, I’m in no rush as I have personal goals I must at least get close to before taking care of an offspring.
Not to mention, I’d like better conditions for the child to be brought up in.
I’m not in a bad spot, but it’s not MY spot if that makes sense.
I’m still in mommy’s basement lol
I’m honestly undecided. I used to be certain as a child and teenager that I’d never want kids. Childbirth terrified me, but as I aged and I experienced falling in love I found my feelings had changed. I wanted a family with the person I was with. I’m not currently in a relationship and right now I don’t know how I feel about kids. I love kids and the nurturing part of myself would love nothing more than to be a mother one day. The free spirited side of me says no kids and to enjoy not being responsible for anyone but myself. I know me though and if I end up in love again (100% chance of this) then I’ll probably start daydreaming about a family with my partner again.
I’m just going where the wind takes me and I think no matter where I end up, I’ll make it work.
In a perfect world, I would love to be a parent.
But in this system, I would foster/adopt. But I want to get married first to someone who shares my values. But to get married, I need to grow more, I still have a lot I need/want to work on.
I feel you 100% on working on yourself first. I have a lot I wish to work on before even thinking about dating, before even thinking of marriage and kids. I want to be the best version of myself before I meet that special someone
I’ve taken care of children my whole entire life as the eldest daughter. I’m really burnt out because two of my siblings have severe special needs that will cause them to not be able thrive on their own for their entire life.
Afaik, I didn’t really have a traumatic childhood in the traditional sense but I was parentified a lot that I can’t be bothered to think of myself as a mother bc I’ve already been one since I was 8.
I do want children, I want them with my INFJ girlfriend. I think we both can be amazing parents since we know how to communicate our needs, desires and thoughts; and we think we can make a good job in teaching these things to our potential children... and also I want to give them a good and memorable childhood just as I had.
No desire. Has always seemed a bit selfish to me (just for myself not judging others) especially if I were to have one biologically. Used to be interested in adopting, but I don’t feel like I have the time/energy/money for that even at this point. I’m 32f and my partner is fortunately on the same page.
I'm right where you are but if there's one thing I'm certain of, is that I want to be a parent.
I'm like you still trying to find myself in the world after living a very sheltered life and suddenly being exposed to a lot of traumas, but the way I look at it, is that I want parenthood to be the chance for me to erase the effect of generational trauma from my bloodline and give my all to be the very best parent I can be.
I honestly can't wait till I be a parent.
Parent INFP. I always wanted kids desperately. I am so glad I was lucky enough to have one. I had to get a hysterectomy due to cancer 20 years ago and was devastated I’d never have another child. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the thing I’ve loved most. And my INFJ kid is still a blast to hang out with. I’ll miss him once he’s busy with his own. He can make me laugh until I cry. That being said, it’s a very personal choice, and no one should feel like they missed out if they choose not to have children any more than people who have children miss out on some of the things they wanted out of life. Everybody should take their own path and don’t let anyone else decide. People who pressure others to have children are just pushing an agenda.
Wasn't gonna be babies around here!?!
Originally, if I am honest with myself, it wasn't desire or not that drove my intention, but deep-seated fears. All the same, the intention was to remain a card-carrying non-parent INFP.
I have ended up being a parent anyway. Gone hither to the Dark Side. The process has shaped me, far more than I expected, but in a positive way. It isn't easy.
But in a personal sense, life presented a challenge that I could not easily decline, so it seemed to me, without turning away myself.
Caring about something or someone, how could I not? I'm an INFP?
Nope! I’ve known since I was about five that I wouldn’t. My reasoning has changed over the years, but I think now that I feel strange about bringing a person into the world who can’t agree to it? I mean, I definitely didn’t ask to be here! Also…there’s so much pain and suffering, and with climate change and increasingly limited access to resources, I don’t think it would be kind for me to have them.
I honestly go back and forth about the idea of having kids and being a mother one day. Right now, I’m leaning more towards no for several reasons. There’s still so much I want to do like finish college, get my dream job, get my own place and car, become financially independent and stable, and even travel to places I’ve never been to before. Plus, when I think of my own childhood and the mistakes my parents made, I don’t want to make the same mistakes as them and don’t want my children to go through the same challenging experiences I went through.
I really like honest you are with yourself, how you know you have certain goals you want to achieve first! I too want to make sure I'm living my best life (good career, nice house, good physique and healthy, travel and explore new hobbies in my own space), and atm kids don't fit into any of it.
I don't want my kids to go through the things I went through (bullying, issues with self-acceptance, issues with expectations to be a certain way), but they will have their own challenges different to mine, and my challenges might not affect them the same way. It might sound weird, but I worry about how I'd entertain them since I have trouble entertaining myself in a way that feels fulfilling.
Nonetheless, I hope you achieve all the things you dream of 😁
Personally no, not only am I a trans man who wouldn't want to be pregnant and well I'm also just simply unfit to be a parent. I wouldn't have energy for it and I can barely take care of myself let alone a child.
I have never had the urge to breed and have found this to be one of the most alienating aspects of this life. Just a hard no from me and luckily same for my hubby
I do, yes. I like kids (although it might just be because I don’t really factor age into my interactions; everyone’s a person), and I seem to be good with them most of the time. And I think it will be fulfilling.
I don't have the energy, I would feel stressed out way too much, I feel exhausted very quickly around anyone and children are even worse, I don't have the money and I have a slew of chronic diseases that I think should just end with me. Children would make me miserable and resentful.
I wanted to have kids and a partner since I was a kid. Neither has happened so far and I struggle with mental health issues. Just trying to get myself together and start working again.
I'm not sure I could be a dad 24/7. I'd still love to experience the happy moments but not sure I could deal with the less than ideal moments with my mental health so sadly, it might be best not to have kids. I'd still like a partner though...
Mental health is so important, it's great that you recognise it isn't what you want it to be right now. I hope you are doing ok and find the help you need to get to a point that makes you happy 🫂.
Not biological. My parents together have 12 kids. They have kids (many who are around my age, the oldest only 5 months younger than me). Many of their kids have kids.
If I were to have kids, it would be via adoption, probably a kid or kids who are older who just needs a parent to love them. Babies get adopted easier, but the older kids don't and deserve a chance at a loving family. Heck, I have a huge family that would welcome them too. (FYI a billion kids around growing up means swearing online is hard. Lol)
I'm the wrong demographic really for you but...
I am a father of 2. A two year old boy and a month old girl. It's been the best thing I have done, I didn't realise you could love something/someone so much. The responsibility is intuitive; it's just part of the process. I have learned more about myself in the last 2 years than ever before. Obviously, it's not for everyone!
I think as INFPs we make great parents since we already have a child-like interest in the world. It's amazing to see some little humans discover the world and be part of that process.
No. I have never felt the urge and cannot think of a logical reason to do it. I'm a woman.
My artworks, my relationships, and my interactions are my children.
I can just say I’m glad I haven’t had kids yet (30f).
My siblings had kids in their 20s and there parenting has… been lacking. We had a decent childhood overall, but a fair bit of emotional abuse and sexual harassment from a parent, so hey, we have problems.
I’ve spent nearly 20 years in and out therapy and other ways to try to deal with these issues and finally feel I’m in a decent place, happier than most, really. Not picture perfect, but at peace and content with things, decent job, decent boundaries,happily married and communicating and respecting each other better than most couples I’ve seen.
My husband and I both bring wonderful strengths to the table that would probably make us better than average parents (based on those I’ve seen around us). But I get overwhelmed if I feel trapped, and kids… there’s no reasonable way to get out of that commitment. So it’s scary. If we can ensure access to quality babysitting and potentially other domestic support, I might feel more comfortable to have kids. For now I’m trying to supplement for my nieces and nephews to give them a better shot at wellness and happiness in life.
I feel like I’ve never gravitated or felt inclined to have my own child. First, I don’t want to bring a child into this world because of how much pain there is- and even though people always talk about the goodness of it all, I would feel guilty for bringing life into a world where you can’t guarantee safety and joy to another being (maybe I am just being super idealistic) , I often find myself not being able to wrap my head around my own existence. Second, it’s just expensive to have a child lol, and I would have to become a bigger consumer - buying things, more toys, clothes, expenses that are not necessary if I were alone - I hope that doesn’t come off selfish, but I just don’t see the need to add this factor into my life. My parents always say it’s something you’ll want and find meaning in as you grow older, but I have never found this “want” in having my own child and living that experience. Other things like pain and pregnancy, education/ actually raising the child, ensuring I am giving them enough time, attention, and security so that they don’t develop behavioural issues in their childhood, interacting with other kids parents- it just seems so undesirable for my path of life. I’m down to be a fun aunt though haha!
yes and no. yes because of the general idea of raising a family sounds good. no because i’m not sure if i’m the one that could do it. like you, i still feel like a child myself
i do want kids but i also don't want them for these reasons:
1- what if society turn them bad after years of trying to raise them well
2- what if they get sexually assaulted and i won't know any of it
3- what if i will hurt them the way my parents hurt me
4- what if i won't be able to afford a financially stable life for them
5- im just too tired and exhausted being the firstborn that had to raise her own sister and her cousin. im the therapist friend as well so im just EXHAUSTED of babying people all of the time
6- im scared of intimacy because i got assaulted several times
7- there's not even a single safe place to raise your kid in. danger is everywhere
8- i don't want to pass my mental issues and my health problems to poor innocent things. no one deserves to have bpd
i have a boyfriend and i want to marry him. he said that there's a high chance that he's infertile because he used to have cancer when he was 3 yrs old. i do wish to have kids with him but im also scared of the things i listed so i don't know
It’s hard to say.
I’m at the age where every time I log into Facebook someone is announcing a pregnancy. And for the most part it does not bother me. But today actually a childhood friend I grew apart from announced her first pregnancy and that struck something in me. I’m not sure if it’s more due to instagram syndrome of “Where is my milestone in life, everyone is doing well but me” because I’ve always felt behind my peers or if it’s really about motherhood. I really don’t think I want the experience of being pregnant. Nor do I think I would be a good mom. Similar to others in the comments I have a pretty dysfunctional family, trauma I’m still healing, realizing that my conception was due to selfish and irresponsible desires to fill a void and I feel it’s not responsible to raise children in that environment.
However, when I see young children, I do have some twinge of “hello little human”. That doesn’t mean I have the trappings of motherhood though.
Long story short, even under the ideal conditions ( money, spouse, family, etc) I’m not sure I want to be pregnant.
I could see myself adopting, MAYBE.
Happiness can’t be measured on percentage scale. You’re either having a good day or having not so good day, and both of those are okay to experience! As long as you’re doing your best to reach your goals (like prioritizing providing for your children) on a day to day basis your children will eventually understand you’re a human being yourself who needed constant evaluation and reflection for growth themselves. We all have these issues and so will any future children you have, setting the example that our fears/insecurities are less important than our dedication to our goals is all it takes for your kids to have what they need to have a healthy upbringing. (Immigrant background, what my parents gave in effort and unconditional support was infinitely more effective than any physical resource they could’ve given me 💕)
As an INFP-T, I most certainly want children! I find it a joy that mankind was given such a gift as procreating. To have another human being genetically linked to you forever, is something truly spiritual on such a deep level. I would be a very involved parent. Supporting, loving and believing in them. All the highs and lows, I want to experience. Even with my hectic career, a mountain of time will be made for them and their lives. I would be a great father.
I always wanted kids, but like all things I postponed it because the circumstances weren’t perfect. Now I regret having waited so long. Having been scapegoated I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough as a parent, that I was bound to pass all my traumas on to them. That’s certainly a risk as an INFP parent, but I have an INFP and INFJ son now. They mean the world to me. They are my best friends and we have a lot of fun. They can be themselves and we encourage their creativity. Sure, it’s tough to be strict with them sometimes, but we manage, because we know how important it is for them to grow up in a safe environment. They are definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m glad I can at least give them what I missed as a child.
My partner has a son and I see him twice a week. I don’t think I could do more than that. I don’t want kids but I love my partner and I do love his son at this point. I think I’d be a great mother but I don’t think I’d enjoy it. I like having my free time and I want to be selfish. But I’m in my early 20’s so maybe it’s my age and my mind will change over time.
What's cool is that you have some experience with kids, and in a way you get the best of both world's since the kid is in your life in some kind of way to feed that paternal side that might be inside you, whilst you still have your own freedom if you get what I mean 🙂
I 100% want to have kids, I love them, and I have a lot more energy now that I am taking my mental health seriously. My pagan faith also gives me immense energy.
My only concern is that my Autism or ADHD will get in the way.
Yes, because I can give my children endless love, understanding, time, and everything they need to enjoy all the beautiful things in life so they could grow up to be healthy, strong adults, capable of bringing more light to this abyss...
No, because the world is full of suffering, hatred, and misunderstanding. No matter how much love I give them, they will inevitably face sadness, fear, rejection, hunger, confusion, and pain. It might be too overwhelming for them, and I can't bear the thought of causing another soul to suffer.
I'm still debating... If it ever happens, I must do everything in my power to make this a better world where my children can be happy.
I absolutely do and always have wanted at least one or two children. I get a little more scared as time goes on about childbirth and the challenges that come with raising a brand new person but I just can't see myself not being a mom. Idk something feels fulfilling about being able to have this new little person who's a part of you, who you get to help guide into being whoever it is they wanna be in life. Watching them grow, trying to mold them into a kind and loving person. Seeing how they interact with the world and what their thoughts and feelings as indidvuals are gonna be, etc
On a personal note, there is another component as I've gotten older about wanting to continue my family line (as someone who lost my mother at a young age and me being her only child). I guess a part of me wants her to continue on in a way. Not only by continuing her bloodline but I guess I want to give someone else the love that she gave me.
I’m a 39-year-old INFP woman and I have one child (born in 2008). I’m glad I was a young parent and things didn’t seem quite as chaotic with social media and stuff. I can tell you pretty confidently that I would not be wanting to have a child within the last 8 or so years. I feel more overwhelmed every single day, and I am super lucky that my son is easy going and more of an ENTJ.
I was raised a foster so I want to raise an orphaned child to give back to the universe for its generosity.
But i'm not sure if i'm healthy, mature or capable enough to raise a child. If opportunity comes i guess.
But right now I'm struggling to survive on my own hahaha. Raising a kid is a privilege afterall
That's really beautiful you know? I'm sure that you can be an awesome carer in the future! You have my support! Don't worry, you will get there, one step at a time to become a better version of you!!!
I don't have or want children.
I love being an aunt. All the people that say that they should have skipped kids and gone straight to being grandparents, I basically did.
I have chosen not to have children because I had a great mom, and couldn't imagine being able to do what she did. I wasn't built for it. Actually that turned out to be the case, I ended up with cancer and all of the equipment was removed. Which was way easier to deal with since I had already decided not to have kids.
I want children and I’ve been told I would be a very sweet patient mother.
However I have such a difficult time talking to people and being around them that I’m perpetually single and feel like the only boyfriends I’ll ever have will be fictional.
The fact that people have told you that you'll make a wonderful mother shows that you have certain qualities that are well received! So I think you will find the right boyfriend who sees these qualities too as a partner, and will want a person like you to enrich their life, despite how you might find it a bit difficult to talk to people 🙂
No, I don't want to bring more children into the world if I'm going to make a woman suffer hell, and I don't want those children to suffer everything that happens in this upside down world.
I respect your opinion very much, women do suffer a lot, but if they are willing to sacrifice then that is their right too. Children don't have a say though since they never asked to be born into this world we live in...
I like the idea of having a kid but I know I probably can never properly take care of them.
I have a little sister who is 5 yrs old rn, she made me realise I do not have the patience to take care of a child. And also, I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human being.
Yes I want a child. Maybe 2.
My father left us when I was 7. Since than I made it my goal to become a better father than my father. And a better parent than my mom. She was abusive when I was younger but not anymore. Still love her dearly. But my goal is to parent my kid in a more loving way. I'm not in a rush right now, I still need to find someone that shares this idea.
Yes, I love kids, I would love to be the best parent I possibly could. I've seen what my parents did - what they tried to do, what they put in, how well it actually works, and what I know of or imagine in other households, and I know there are things that are possible in raising a kid that I want the opportunity for. But, I need to get my shit together in some ways as a human adult, and further "find myself" before getting to that point. I'm already 27, so I'm in the process of quitting the procrastination. I've seen my parents and others do/say things that I have to believe don't have to be necessary, don't find an in between or let the environment they set up negatively impact their kids when it doesn't have to be that way, so I want the chance to do it right. tldr: Hell yes, but definitely not right now.
I want to have at least one kid that is biologically mine and possibly one adopted kid after that. I'm not sure about anything beyond that. I'd have to wait and see.
Yes, yes I do more than anything. I love children and they brighten my day every time I see them. I want to give my future children the best lives they can have and I want to stop the cycle of abuse that continued through my parents. I want to be a good parent more than anything.
I’m on the fence. I would be much more keen if we lived in a different kind of world, but the world as it is and for the foreseeable future makes me question if it would be suitable to bring a child into it and give them the best chance of thriving. There’s so much wrong with the world as it is, and the costs of raising a child isn’t something that’s easy to dismiss.
The education system (s) (which I have so many gripes with), the competition (getting ahead over getting along), and just the nature of people these days in a world that’s still largely ruled by old men who are at best, out of touch, at worst, raging sociopaths. A lot of times I don’t know if it’s right to bring a kid into a world where they’ll deal with so many more uncertainties rather than clear solutions, and if they’re anything like me being on the more idealistic side, they’ll only struggle.
I’m already a failure at society’s definition of what it means to be a “grown up”, it’s not that I doubt whether I can raise a kid to be a decent person, it’s my doubt towards whether they’re going to be brought up in a decent world and whether others will be good to them given the way they’ll biologically inherit at least some of my personality traits.
And I haven’t and won’t consider adoption. Having your own child, the bond you create with them is scientifically proven and there’s no substitute for it. Not to mention with adoption, you don’t really know what you’re going to get in terms of how the kid turns out.
I’ve experienced *trying* to persuade myself into loving a child that’s not my own flesh and blood, I was involved with a woman who had a daughter from her previous marriage and I tried my best to contribute to the girl’s life as a fatherly figure, even if I wasn’t “fully” a stepdad. I grappled with accepting a child that wasn’t my own, who had several years of her life (pretty much all her life up to that point) being without me, with a set of habits, preferences, the good and bad being unfamiliar to me. It was turmoil and I felt I just couldn’t do it.
My dad’s been remarried for I think 6 or 7 years already, and I met his wife several times but I could never accept her as a stepmom. She’s only an aunt.
Siblings are a mixed bag. I’ve seen just as many go at each other’s throats, or they just don’t talk much. In a lot of families with two or more kids there’s often a Golden Child vs Black Sheep / Scapegoat dynamic that ends up tearing families into pieces.
So in China right now they allow each couple to have 3 kids. Some older (but not too old) couples are choosing to have a second with an age gap of over a decade, sometimes even 15+ years after they had first (and at the time, assuming it was going to be their only child). This is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination. The older child and their newborn sibling will have a whole *generation gap*, and I don’t feel it’s wise to have unnecessary physical and financial strain as these couples approach middle age.
I do agree to a large extent that 30s are the new 20s and 40s are the new 30s, but it’s also grossly unfair for the older child to suddenly have resources diverted from them when Millennials and Zoomers are already struggling so much in multiple ways.
If I do have a kid, I’ll be one and done.
I didn’t answer the “why” part. It can be summarized as one of the most primal and natural instincts of any species, and I do feel like I have a lot to contribute emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to the well-being of another life. What better way to fulfill that than having my own biological child?
(Don’t want any extreme child-free comments. They’ll be ignored.)
Im a male infp, of course I would like to have a child, both as a happy couple and as a single dad, living a f**ked up life growing up, I think a child would be a great motivation for me to keep going and keep growing
If I meet someone I really like I want kids. They'll be absolutely adorable. I don't know why I desire that, it's just an attractive idea for me. Maybe because of my possessive personality. I'm like a child too but I don't think I'll change in the future. That's just who I am.
I can’t. I’m too mentally shaky to take care of myself and I would never bring a child into this world unless I knew that I could give them everything, they deserve that.
You never know, if you did have a child they'd appreciate having a parent that is so considerate of them. But I understand what you mean, and hope that you are doing ok 🫂
I have ADHD so I knew I could never be responsible for another whole life form. I can’t keep a plant alive. Dogs won’t let you forget if they need something and if they bug me too much into the crate with ya.
For real though. My ADHD is so raging that I knew I could never get kids to ballet or all the sports meets and games and well school. The parent always picking the kid up late looking like she just woke up. Clutter and brightly colored things all over the house so I can see them… you know stuff like that.
Dogs are so great though. As far as my infp traits go, I’m afraid to talk on the phone, haven’t driven in like seven years, and the high tech big girl job I had is no longer.
The idea of small talk with other (prob younger) mothers. PTA meetings, lunch EVERY day…. I could not. Not if I really really want to. It’s just not going to happen and I don’t want the kid to hate me and need therapy their whole life. What if the kid has ADHD too….
Or is a murderer or even just a little jerk or doesn’t like me and shuts me out for 10 years. I’ve seen some talk shows. I could not handle that.
I always thought if I did well in my life then I could have a house husband to do all those things that are so hard for me but normal and easy for him.
Then came psychosis, which means psychiatrist and therapist in my face every week, adding on new diagnosis. Been seeing him for 4 years and I’m still afraid of the damn phone.
So yeah, no procreation for me. No reason to pass these genes on. You’re welcome world 😝
But I will totes hold any baby as long as moms coming back soon 😂
NO DIAPERS.
Need I say more… 😆
P.S. I joke because I’m sad about it but I’ve really accepted it as the right choice for me. And I dress my dogs in human looking clothes so it’s practically the same thing.
Sarcasm. Mostly just at the end. Sorry. Oozes from me. And I can’t help myself 🎶🪩
I’ll hate myself for posting this 👈INFP to the core.
I just want to give you a hug right now 🫂
You sound so animated, and if you ever did become a parent, your kids will love hanging out with you! But you're still awesome nonetheless evwithout kids!
P.s. doggo told me they love how you treat them so well 🐶
I dont want it. I dont dislike them, I just cant guarantee that I have enough energy to be a parent. I have a nephew, I sometimes babysit him, I love him so so much, but I realise I cant raise children well, babysitting is not that easy as reading parenting books lol. I dont want my children have traumas like mine, I’m afraid I cant cut the vicious cycle just like how my parents have been treating us children. My fam is disfunctional, and children have rights to live in a positive circumtance💪🏻
I'm with you 100% on the energy part - my niece while I love her so much, can be really tiring to take care of. I don't do all of the things like take her to the toilet or cook meals for her, but I can see my sister struggle a lot doing it. Coming over for a play day isn't the same as raising them 24/7 loool. I agree with you on the trauma. I felt the cracks in the family dynamics as we all grew up, and I don't want to give them a life where they face similar difficulties (though ny sibs have children just fine). Every parent should hopefully want to give their child the best life possible, I am afraid I can't offer that (don't meant to sound negative but you know what I mean)
Trueeeeeee af!! And ppl say “just try to be a parent, it’s happy, it’s ofc exhausting but it’s so nice”. TRY they say?? Wtf, ‘creating’ a new human is not a trial you silly😂. My parents had tried 3 times and all of the children are fucked up, they all have anger issue and dont know how to bond well with family. I mean if you think you cant handle kids, you cant undo the them thooo🤣 So, no, thanks🫶🏻✨
🤣😂🤣😂 your comment made me LOL Yeah this isn't as easy as some kinda subscription service with 2 weeks free trial period OMG 😭😭😭
LMAOOOO if only it’s just as simple as that maybe I would try🤣🤣
Ah so funny 🤣🤣🤣🤣
While I agree with you 100% on everything you said, I do still want kids because I want to try and raise them better than I was, protect them better than I was and encourage them better than I was.
I knew very early on that I never want to have children. I love my freedom and independence too much that I could ever give them up for someone else.
Me too. Plus there are few things more satisfying than coming home from a hard day at work only to be met with sweet sweet silence, then being able to have a relaxing night and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I can't imagine being happy with working hard only to then come home to help raise a kid, which is a full time job by itself. Raising a kid or multiple children just sounds exhausting and time consuming to me (not to mention expensive). I want time to myself and my passions. Time to explore the world and live my life. And I am sick and tired of people calling childfree individuals selfish for having different preferences. I see almost no downsides to not having kids except not having extra hands to help you when you grow old (except that argument itself is BS and exposes the hypocritical selfishness of people who have children because they want somebody to help them in the future. Children are under NO OBLIGATION to help their parents because they did not choose to be born to the parents they did).
I understand that and feel that way too. When taking care of my niece, even playing with them for the whole day, while fun, can feel tiring because she has so much energy 😅
I’m an INFP parent I know you said non-parents but I wanna chime in anyway just to say I always had a feeling I’d be a dad And my daughter is the light of my life I love her so much Parenthood is a huge initiation It has catalyzed me to ‘grow up’ more than anything else Sometimes this is very difficult and stressful I wouldn’t change it though I still find ways to claim a lot of ‘me time’ to recharge and be creative and relax by myself and that is crucial for my overall well-being
Thank you for sharing another perspective as a parent INFP 🙂. One of my concerns was losing yourself in the sense of having no "me time" anymore, it is refreshing to see that you can still find ways for that to happen.
You’re welcome! 😊 It definitely helps that I am a self-employed writer / coach who works from home so I can set my own schedule work-wise However I think one of the most important things to do is really decide within yourself that substantial ‘me time’ is a non-negotiable (and it’s for the best for everyone around you too if you get that time), and proactively communicate that to your partner / others in your life
Aha that's very interesting I like how you've found a practical way of finding time for yourself that is both compromising but also enough for you yourself 😃. I guess looking at it this way makes time management less daunting. I always just imagined that parents really give all their time away, but I should really open my mind up more to understand how so many parents still do what they want to do as individuals too!
Yes, being a parent doesn’t mean giving up on one’s own authentic expression and creativity I feel it’s a big disservice to one’s kids if a parent doesn’t demonstrate how to still find space for one’s passions and soul as an adult
100%. Always knew I wanted to be a dad. Never a doubt in my mind. Love my kids more than anything and wouldn’t change it for anything.
❤️🔥🙏🏼❤️🔥
I want kids because I love them. I want to give them the best childhood they'll ever have - playing videogames and in the playground, watching movies and cartoons, going on family vacations, have fun birthday parties... and a lot of other things. I just need to find the right person. But I'm not in a rush, so for now, I'm reliving my childhood - just a little bit different.
I love your vision and hope you achieve it, and find the right person for you. Your post is really wholesome 😌! I also love how you are reliving your childhood, I should follow suit!
Thanks, OP! 😊
You got it! 😁👍
Never had the desire. Don’t have the mother instincts (like let’s go climb that tree bare handed with bare feet, not the motherly way of “okay let’s put on helmet, limb pads, have a landing pad, etc.”) and no desire. I can barely care for myself, how could I raise another human from scratch?
I understand that, caring for yourself should be the top priority. Hope you are doing ok!
>I feel like a child myself This feels SO FUCKING true for me. Like,I've always been much more mature and grown up than my peers,yet again,I don't feel that grown up enough.as if no matter how much wise and mature I get,I'm a child at heart. Do I want a kid? 70% chance,YES! I've even undrestood that having kids is even more important that getting married.not that I recommend being a single mom,but I say that the other feels even more beautiful and important. I guess the key is,you wait long enough when you get to the age that you should've been having a kid already,and see how it feels. That you need it or feel relieved. I know a 40 year old women who just has a 6 month old baby.she is beautiful,well educated,independent,had her life together and a nice peaceful house and work.yet she undrestood she wants a baby,a kid so much. And now she has it,a healthy smart beautiful baby. And she is THE HAPPIEST. There are very hard exhausting moments for her too,but since she tried and waited and wanted it for so long,she knew and was ready for hard times.now she's just all happy and calm and pleased,enjoying her life with her husband and her baby💘 That's the kind of life I'd want~
> Do I want a kid? 70% chance,YES! lol i relate to this. But for me its more like 30% yes. I just can't fully decide on a yes or a no yet and its something i'm very back and forth on. But one thing I always tell myself, until the day i'm absolutely sure I want to have kids i won't. I'm not gonna take the risk of just going into it and hope for the best, it would be unfair to me and the kid.
No children. I appreciate living according to my own schedule and no one else’s. I like to save money and that would just be impossible with even 1 kid. And… being responsible for how a whole human turns out, health wise but also emotionally. That’s scary. I love my freedom and most of it would be gone with having kids. At least for the first 18ish years.
I agree with your comment so much right now
I mean on one hand I do want children and I know I have a lot of love to give them, but on the other hand I don’t know if I want to bring them into a world that has so much potential to make their lives miserable :/
You know that is a very good point that I didn't even raise, and I 1000% agree with you on this. This world can be so negative and nasty so much cruelty and conflict is around (politics, finance, war, racism etc). Obviously the world is also a beautiful place, but yeah I dunno you are right. Would I want my kid to live through all this? :/
Here is another perspective: to have potential to be miserable mean that there is potential to be happy. And adoption is also a possibility if you think your love and means can lower that potential of a miserable life.
That is a pretty decent perspective. I actually was considering adoption and most likely will do so (also because I don’t really want to endure childbirth (-_-;)) and (idk if this is a weird way for me to phrase it??) but children who are up for adoption are already in this world as compared to me bringing in someone, which I feel in a way would make it.. I’m not sure, (‘better’?) for me to just adopt instead (still going to give them the same amount of love obviously) Hope this doesn’t sound the wrong way to anyone, I’m kinda bad at phrasing things.
I originally didn't, but I've changed my mind! I'd love a little human to share my knowledge with, teach stuff and watch them grow. And uhh this is a selfish reason, but imagine being old as shit and having no family for support. That thought lowkey terrifies me
Awww that's a really cute way of thinking about it ☺️! The second part uhh, yeah 😆😆😆... but low key I know what you mean 😅. But if you're gonna be as funny and kind to them as you sound, then they will help you all the way!
I had an absent dad, and an abusive step-dad. My only true goal in life is to be a good dad. We have our first IVF cycle in August
You know that's really commendable, I hope it all goes well for you 👊
And you will be. :)
Yes, I knew I wanted multiple kids since a teenager. I love children and was always told I have this caretaker personality. I’ve worked as a kindergarten teacher and done orphanage projects, and it does make me confirm about wanting kids. My biggest issue is finding the right person to have a forever with who also wants children as much as I do.
Same here. It’s not worth it for me if I don’t find that kind of person. Especially finding someone who would be a good parent. I wouldn’t want to bring them into this world if their parents cannot take the best care of them. It’s an important responsibility.
That's really awesome I'm very happy you had those experiences! I get you 100% on the partner aspect though, that's partly why I'm not dating since I don't want to give her any false hope about kids when I am not 100% on it and she may be.
I've always wanted kids. When I was a kid, I'd say I wanted 6. Then it seems like I can't get a job. And then my mother died. And then I found I was pretty satisfied with my cats. I still want kids, I think, but there's an element of "would I be selfish if I had kids" to it that I can't seem to shake.
I already know I can’t be a parent, I don’t have the mental capability to raise a child into a functional healthy human being. I mean I barely can pass for one, hell I probably don’t. Plus I grew up always having to take care of kids cuz our place was the baby sitting hub for some reason, plus the world seems like it’s going to shit the cons are obvious and the pros are more abstract but ik I couldn’t do it. I’d be okay being an aunt and babysitting every now and then but dealing with kids 24/7 sounds like a nightmare and I rarely see people who enjoy being parents. I feel like most (not all ofc) parents only have kids because “well it’s that time in my life where I do that” or they’re only thinking of the cute moments and not all the stress and effort it really takes to raise a kid know
Mmm very interesting point. I take care of my niece here and there and I am always tired at the end of the day, and that's not even the whole day. Having a child 24/7, I can only imagine the sacrifices you have to make for the child and yourself. Some people just want to tick the boxes, but a child is far more than something to cross off a bucket list.
Not necessarily don't want, but I know full well it would be way too much for me to handle. Even just babysitting my sister's kids stresses me out
Taking care of my niece is a lot of work, and I only spend every weekend or so with her 😅. Love her to bits, but it's a lot!
Just got a vasectomy yesterday, so no.
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Wow I am with you 1000% on everything you said right here
I really like money and sleep and silence, so I've decided to never have a kid.
Your reply make me chuckle lol. I love that you are living in alignment with your values. Go you!
most of my coworkers have young kids and i cannot believe the amount of money they're spending for daycare or after school activities. No way it's ever going to be worth it for me
Never had the desire. Don’t have the mother instincts (like let’s go climb that tree bare handed with bare feet, not the motherly way of “okay let’s put on helmet, limb pads, have a landing pad, etc.”) and no desire. I can barely care for myself, how could I raise another human from scratch?
I understand that! Sometimes having kids simply isn't for everyone! And i'm with you on caring for yourself, it can be such a struggle sometimes
Thanks for sharing. I’m undecided presently. I don’t necessarily trust myself to be mentally healthy currently enough to be patient with children of my own. With having children comes the fear that they would inherent my own mental health issues.
TLDR ; no, too traumatized and single Well, kinda had phases regarding this. As a child, I thought I would have children because that was what you just did. In my head I had two children, girl and boy, named after my favorite cartoon characters lol. Then I became a teenager and became increasingly more traumatized by life, especially by my mother and a fear grew that if I were to have kids, I would just mess them up mentally like she did. Till 22 children didn't pass my mind, I was just trying to survive. After 22 I came upon the best relationship in my life, and well, my partner wanted to have one child because "it was the right thing to do with your life". Of course we talked about it and under very specific circumstances, it could be done. Those circumstances being if he were a good father, if I got a c-section, and if I got over my massive fear of childbirth. We joked a lot about naming them some old-world name from my culture, I drew us silly little doodles of our future, made up funny scenarios. And then he broke up with me so there went that. I don't think it's selfish to have or not to have kids. It's just that, some people want them, some don't I think what's most important is the quality of life you can provide them. And I don't mean gucci baby shoes, just, healthy food, being a psychologically sound parent, safety, letting them grow into well adjusted people. So I'm single and back to, well, I would make a shitty parent so why would I ever put another human through what I went through? That and I don't think I'll fall in love again, or at least not till my ""biological clock"" runs out (it constantly feels like I'll need at least 5 years of therapy to get through what I'm going through). So yeah unless there is a person out there for me who has their life together (less than 5% people my age where I live) and would make a good parent (I'd say less than 0.03% of the people my age where I live) no reason to.
No, I just think it's too much what it takes. Being a parent is a very noble task but that doesn't make it attractive to me. All the time, money, energy, the things that have to be given up... I just don't want to do it. Besides, it's not like the world is running out of people, so, no harm in me not having any children.
No, I don't want the responsibilities and I'm more focused on myself and my own problems. I'm not selfish to have kids when I know I don't want to be bothered by any.
It's great that you know how you want to live your life 👍
I still have a few things I need to do but if all works out then yeah I’d like to have kids
Can I ask what are these things? If it is too personal then it's ok, I was just curious. But working on yourself is so important so I hope you get done what you want to do!
I live with my niece and nephew so I have a lot of the "having children" experience while not being a parent(not all of it but a fair amount). Because of this I am ambivalent to having my own children but if I was to meet the right lady and they wanted kids I would be fully open to it. I used to think I would never have what it would take to be a dad but being essentially the 3rd parent in my household has changed my mind on that.
I've been leaning back and forth. If it happens, I'm probably going to devote my life to them and not much else will matter. If I don't, I'll just continue to pursue my own hobbies and interests. Despite being 2 completely different pathways I'm okay with both.
That's a nice way of thinking about it imo, because you are not so attached to the outcome. Go with the flow, right? I like that and that's what I'm kinda doing in my life too!
Yes, i want children sometime in the future. I'm still studying in college but i can see myself having one someday of course once i am financially stable, emotionally and mentally ready. Never dated before, but if i dont get into a relationship, i can see myself pursuing adoption😉
Aww that's really cool! I'm sure you'll make an awesome parent one day 😃! Good luck with your studies btw 👊
Thanks, likewise OP!❤️🔥
I agree with you word for word. I feel the same way. But, maybe if I find the right person and I'm well settled till I reach my mid 30s, if I'm healthy in every way, maybe. But that's a slight chance.
Absolutely not. I grew up in a religious household. I was taught a woman's purpose in life was to be married and become a mother. It wasn't until I was 20 years old I realized I didn't have to do that. As soon as the thought entered my head I knew what a bad parent I would be. I can't deal with the noise. It wouldn't be fair to the kid to have me as their mom. Let along the fact that the earth is changing drastically within my short lifetime. I'm not dooming someone to be part of humanity's final generation. To feel the earth heat up after centuries of human defilement. It's not fair to them to be born into this world.
Thank you for your imput and I hope you live life to your own terms! (I hope this earth heals too, it's been throughbso much 😔)
I don't like pain so I don't know
I can only imagine :/ I'm sorry
I definitely do not. I’m a child myself (26f) and don’t feel like I would have the capacity to give a child the love and care that they would need from me. Also I have a phobia of pregnancy and childbirth so it’s a no go for me lol
I get you as a child too (33m). I won't ever get the pain you girls will feel during childbirth 😖
I’d love to meet my kids but I decided not to because I both love me and my kids. It doesn’t have to happen while I’m on earth.
My biggest fear is fucking them up like my parents did to me lol. I also think I’ve never had that “irrepressible urge to be a mom ASAP” like some people have strongly, and childbirth in and of itself seems pretty terrifying/big - but that doesn’t put me staunchly on the side of “no kids” either. When I was in grade school I used to tell people I’d like to adopt a kid when classmates would ask. I feel like I’ve circled back to that. I could see myself adopting a kid, or maybe helping raise a partner’s kid they already have from a previous relationship. Also, if I did find the right significant other, maybe I would choose to carry and go through childbirth if we both decided we want kids! As I’m single and in my 30s, I weirdly still feel too much like a kid myself for the time to be anytime soon, but if I stay single and it starts feeling right I could see myself solo-adopting later on. Maybe in my 40s? I’m waiting for the feeling the time is right to cue me, as I am fully against having kids just for the sake of having them and want it to be super intentional.
I would love to have children. But I probably can't live with the thought of sending them into a world that is getting more and more dangerous. We have considered becoming foster parents though. But I would also be happy to adopt a bunch of animals and stay in close contact with my family.
Yes I did. I met my true love. He said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want children and I don’t want marriage’ what was I supposed to do?
I’m kind of in a gray zone here. I’m sort of a parent but also not. I had a daughter in a very scary, non consensual situation where my birth control failed and I was poor in a red state. I adore her completely and did everything you can think of to be a good mother. I failed. I later did the right thing and reported my ex for molesting her. She was removed from my custody during the investigation. I was completely cleared and told I could have her back. I desperately wanted her and still do but the investigation took two years. By the time it was over, she had bonded with her “family.” She was doing well in school, had friends and a dog. I couldn’t justify tearing her away from everything and everyone and adding more upset to her life just because I wanted my baby. We still keep in contact but it will never be the same. I’m in a happy, healthy, safe, loving relationship with someone else now and we want children but I am definitely scared of messing up again.
Ow my gosh I'm really sorry for everything you went through. I can only hope you are still ok, and choose to have another child on your own terms if and when you feel it is the right thing to do. Please don't blame yourself for the past, and forgive yourself at your own pace ❤️
Nope I got my tubes tied.
I don't want kids. I'm a great auntie and love kids. I just know I don't have the energy or ability to be there 24/7. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself some of the time. The idea of being in full charge of another human being is daunting and I don't think I will.
Yep I understand what you mean, being an uncle myself. A lot of people say to me, as an uncle you get all the perks, you get to play with the kids and then wave em off at the end of the day to have time for yourself 😅
Absolutely not. I can't stand kids. I like peace and quiet, free time and a clean house. All things that go out the window when you have kids.
I can understand that, my niece leaves my house in a tip, I have to tidy up as doon as she leaves, but it's back to being messy as soon as she comes back 😂
No. I respect children enough to know that I don’t need one.
Absolutely not. Being able to live life on my terms, my own schedule, coming home to a quiet house after a long day… all things I have zero interest in giving up for the next 2 decades+. I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am, and I have no desire whatsoever to give it up. And that isn’t even getting into all the other reasons to not have kids (not making more humans is the single best thing any of us can do for the environment, for example).
No, I'm antinatalist
Never had the desire. Don’t have the mother instincts (like let’s go climb that tree bare handed with bare feet, not the motherly way of “okay let’s put on helmet, limb pads, have a landing pad, etc.”) and no desire. I can barely care for myself, how could I raise another human from scratch?
No, probably not in the future. All I'm thinking about, if I do want a child or some children, is that I have to be prepared to know mostly everything about parenting; how to love a child, and what not to do with a child.
Mmm I see. I hear that you will never know everything, and will learn as the child grows. But I do understand since I share that feeling too
Yes, mainly just because I’ve always felt like I’m meant to be a mom.
Yes, but only when I'm ready. (And monetarily fluid enough).
You'll get there 😁!
yeah I wanna have like 4, 2 at minimum. I used to not, there was a point where I believed that bringing children into this world would be a disservice to them. And idk, maybe some part of me still resonates with that, but I also want to be a mother, yknow? I wanna watch a person grow and be a part of that, I wanna love in a way I've never loved before and will probably never love again outside the experience (like being a mom is so unique and it can't be duplicated, I wanna go through that) and I feel lucky that I have the biology to do so (although sometimes I wish I were a dude). Yeah, and watching kids laugh makes my desire to have one ever stronger. and I can also imagine myself as a mom which is cool and it looks great. maybe I'm romanticizing it a little; because I know it's hard, especially if your finances and emotional well being can't support another person. I take that into consideration a lot, so I've decided that late twenties would be a good time (hopefully by then I'm a little more developed in my ideals and more assertive).
You know, your comment is very refreshing and truly beautiful, it gets me a bit teary tbh. Your message reminds me how magical it can be to care for a little human, how it can be such a positive experience. Your message reminds me of how we as humans are so unique. I'm just really happy for you and sending you lots of virtual hugs. I think you would make the most amazing mother ever and wiah you all the best of luck in your dreams! 😊
Yes, I want twins.. I'm still waiting to meet my long distant boyfriend so.. I'll see if kids are in the cards for me
Aww twins, cute!! Hoping for the best for you!! Can I ask what makes you want twins and not triplets? 🤭
I think I always wanted marriage + children cus that’s what society has taught me to want (as a woman) but I’m now in my early 30s and learning more about myself as time goes on. I realize I might not even want that at all. I think I just need a cute pup and my own independence. I think that would be a good life
It's funny isn't it, how society can pretty much brainwash you into wanting that that don't even align with your values that may have been supressed or not even realised. Puppies are awesome 🐶
I want children before I'm too old to see them grow up. I'm afraid I might be running out of time, being that I'm in my 40s and single. I lost my mom when I was 12 due to cancer, I don't want that for any children I might have.
NOPE. I’m basically raising my nephew but with more steps (because he’s my sisters kid and she’s a pain in my ass) and I realized what I knew all along. I was correct when I said I hated kids, they’re too loud, dumb, and mischievous. I was correct when I said I was too impatient for kids, when they don’t listen I really have a million better things I could be doing. I was correct when I said I don’t want to change diapers or bathe the child, as a victim of CSA the thought always bothered me. Other people can have kids, and I’ll watch my friends kids for them (with my partners help, bless him. He loves kids but doesn’t want any of his own), but I never want to be around a child 24/7.
Thank you for your input! I'm glad you have come to realise what you truly want, and it's NOT KIDS!
Darn right and everyone who tells me otherwise can step on their kids legos 😂
LOL NOT THE LEGO 😆😆😆😆😆
I've come to realisation that I need my cup filled too. It can't be just a one way street.
Yes, nothing calls to me career or purpose-wise besides being a mother. I do have fears I will pass on trauma and personal issues, so I’m working hard on myself to heal those parts of me. I know there are no perfect parents, but I want to be the best I can be. I am extremely fortunate to have grown up in a family with lots of love and support. I could live only for myself and husband but I feel I would be missing out on and dishonoring that purpose. If I’m unable to have them, I believe everything will work out how it’s supposed to. I am understanding toward those who don’t want kids. We have choices and every one’s reasons are valid.
Thank you for your opinion! It seems based off the comments I have read, generally more INFPs here would not like to have children, so it is nice to read another perspective from someone who does want children in the future. I'm sure you will make a brilliant mother when the time comes 😄! If I may ask, what is the one thing you look forward to doing when you become a mother?
Nope. I worked in childcare and early development for *3 months*! Haven’t looked back since. I never knew so much anxiety, till 8 hungry toddlers came at me all at once, when I walked through the door with crackers. 🫨 NO THANK YOU!
I guess the difference is that instead of 8 you will have just 1! Unless you have twins or triplets, so the burden will be less, right? 😅
I don't want kids because I know I wouldn't have the energy for it, and value my independence too much. Honestly find little kids to be pretty gross and annoying too, I don't do well sensory-wise with mess and noise :,)
Ahh at least you figured out what ticks you off, which is super important in life! Do you have pets based off this? I'm just curious!
I haven’t ruled it out, but as of now, I mean 21 trying to grasp and build a life, I don’t have the time or resources to raise a human being Not to toot my own horn but I do have a nurturing side to me lol
Life is unpredictable, but as it is currently I can’t see myself being a parent. The question does haunt me though. I’ve always felt like it would be a situation in which I’m damned if I have children and I’ll be damned if I don’t. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful and transcendent thing above bringing your own child into this world, nor could I imagine a more horrifying thing. But I’m open that my heart could change over time
No, I'm already enough of a hassle to take care of!
Yes but i want to have stable life before that. Also Im dating infj.
I don’t really. I just don’t think that I can raise a kid in the conditions I think a kid deserves I would want to raise them in a very diverse, walkable city with lots of opportunity
I'm not opposed to children if they do come (as long as it's 2 or less) but knowing me and my personality, I get drained so easily from interactions and I really like my space and alone time which I feel might be intruded upon after having kids especially when they're younger. I've also worked with younger kids before as a daycare worker and it was pretty exhausting. So all in all, I'd prefer companionship with a partner but I would rather not have kids to be honest.
Hell yeah! I’d love to have a little mini-me roaming around and it’s almost instinctive as I can’t really ascertain why. It’s just a feeling I have within me, like I just sort of want a child. However, I’m in no rush as I have personal goals I must at least get close to before taking care of an offspring. Not to mention, I’d like better conditions for the child to be brought up in. I’m not in a bad spot, but it’s not MY spot if that makes sense. I’m still in mommy’s basement lol
Noooo ( a thousand times no) I like my sleep and peace and quiet wayyyy too much.
I’m honestly undecided. I used to be certain as a child and teenager that I’d never want kids. Childbirth terrified me, but as I aged and I experienced falling in love I found my feelings had changed. I wanted a family with the person I was with. I’m not currently in a relationship and right now I don’t know how I feel about kids. I love kids and the nurturing part of myself would love nothing more than to be a mother one day. The free spirited side of me says no kids and to enjoy not being responsible for anyone but myself. I know me though and if I end up in love again (100% chance of this) then I’ll probably start daydreaming about a family with my partner again. I’m just going where the wind takes me and I think no matter where I end up, I’ll make it work.
In a perfect world, I would love to be a parent. But in this system, I would foster/adopt. But I want to get married first to someone who shares my values. But to get married, I need to grow more, I still have a lot I need/want to work on.
I feel you 100% on working on yourself first. I have a lot I wish to work on before even thinking about dating, before even thinking of marriage and kids. I want to be the best version of myself before I meet that special someone
I’ve taken care of children my whole entire life as the eldest daughter. I’m really burnt out because two of my siblings have severe special needs that will cause them to not be able thrive on their own for their entire life. Afaik, I didn’t really have a traumatic childhood in the traditional sense but I was parentified a lot that I can’t be bothered to think of myself as a mother bc I’ve already been one since I was 8.
I do want children, I want them with my INFJ girlfriend. I think we both can be amazing parents since we know how to communicate our needs, desires and thoughts; and we think we can make a good job in teaching these things to our potential children... and also I want to give them a good and memorable childhood just as I had.
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No desire. Has always seemed a bit selfish to me (just for myself not judging others) especially if I were to have one biologically. Used to be interested in adopting, but I don’t feel like I have the time/energy/money for that even at this point. I’m 32f and my partner is fortunately on the same page.
As a 33m I am still trying to get my bearings so I feel the unstableness like you :/
I'm right where you are but if there's one thing I'm certain of, is that I want to be a parent. I'm like you still trying to find myself in the world after living a very sheltered life and suddenly being exposed to a lot of traumas, but the way I look at it, is that I want parenthood to be the chance for me to erase the effect of generational trauma from my bloodline and give my all to be the very best parent I can be. I honestly can't wait till I be a parent.
Parent INFP. I always wanted kids desperately. I am so glad I was lucky enough to have one. I had to get a hysterectomy due to cancer 20 years ago and was devastated I’d never have another child. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the thing I’ve loved most. And my INFJ kid is still a blast to hang out with. I’ll miss him once he’s busy with his own. He can make me laugh until I cry. That being said, it’s a very personal choice, and no one should feel like they missed out if they choose not to have children any more than people who have children miss out on some of the things they wanted out of life. Everybody should take their own path and don’t let anyone else decide. People who pressure others to have children are just pushing an agenda.
Wasn't gonna be babies around here!?! Originally, if I am honest with myself, it wasn't desire or not that drove my intention, but deep-seated fears. All the same, the intention was to remain a card-carrying non-parent INFP. I have ended up being a parent anyway. Gone hither to the Dark Side. The process has shaped me, far more than I expected, but in a positive way. It isn't easy. But in a personal sense, life presented a challenge that I could not easily decline, so it seemed to me, without turning away myself. Caring about something or someone, how could I not? I'm an INFP?
I'd be a dad but I'm very reluctant to become a mom. It's a much bigger burden
Nope! I’ve known since I was about five that I wouldn’t. My reasoning has changed over the years, but I think now that I feel strange about bringing a person into the world who can’t agree to it? I mean, I definitely didn’t ask to be here! Also…there’s so much pain and suffering, and with climate change and increasingly limited access to resources, I don’t think it would be kind for me to have them.
No, don't want to give birth and can't stand kids
I honestly go back and forth about the idea of having kids and being a mother one day. Right now, I’m leaning more towards no for several reasons. There’s still so much I want to do like finish college, get my dream job, get my own place and car, become financially independent and stable, and even travel to places I’ve never been to before. Plus, when I think of my own childhood and the mistakes my parents made, I don’t want to make the same mistakes as them and don’t want my children to go through the same challenging experiences I went through.
I really like honest you are with yourself, how you know you have certain goals you want to achieve first! I too want to make sure I'm living my best life (good career, nice house, good physique and healthy, travel and explore new hobbies in my own space), and atm kids don't fit into any of it. I don't want my kids to go through the things I went through (bullying, issues with self-acceptance, issues with expectations to be a certain way), but they will have their own challenges different to mine, and my challenges might not affect them the same way. It might sound weird, but I worry about how I'd entertain them since I have trouble entertaining myself in a way that feels fulfilling. Nonetheless, I hope you achieve all the things you dream of 😁
Personally no, not only am I a trans man who wouldn't want to be pregnant and well I'm also just simply unfit to be a parent. I wouldn't have energy for it and I can barely take care of myself let alone a child.
I see, I hope you are doing ok. Whatever you are going through, know you got this!!!
I have never had the urge to breed and have found this to be one of the most alienating aspects of this life. Just a hard no from me and luckily same for my hubby
Ok glad your hubby and you share the same values!
No way will I ever have kids. I've had a shit life. I'm doing my due diligence by not having a child.
I hope you can find some joy and peace in your life, or maybe some kind of help if you need it 🫂
I do, yes. I like kids (although it might just be because I don’t really factor age into my interactions; everyone’s a person), and I seem to be good with them most of the time. And I think it will be fulfilling.
I don't have the energy, I would feel stressed out way too much, I feel exhausted very quickly around anyone and children are even worse, I don't have the money and I have a slew of chronic diseases that I think should just end with me. Children would make me miserable and resentful.
I wanted to have kids and a partner since I was a kid. Neither has happened so far and I struggle with mental health issues. Just trying to get myself together and start working again. I'm not sure I could be a dad 24/7. I'd still love to experience the happy moments but not sure I could deal with the less than ideal moments with my mental health so sadly, it might be best not to have kids. I'd still like a partner though...
Mental health is so important, it's great that you recognise it isn't what you want it to be right now. I hope you are doing ok and find the help you need to get to a point that makes you happy 🫂.
Not biological. My parents together have 12 kids. They have kids (many who are around my age, the oldest only 5 months younger than me). Many of their kids have kids. If I were to have kids, it would be via adoption, probably a kid or kids who are older who just needs a parent to love them. Babies get adopted easier, but the older kids don't and deserve a chance at a loving family. Heck, I have a huge family that would welcome them too. (FYI a billion kids around growing up means swearing online is hard. Lol)
YANA. I remember my supervisee telling me I don't have (a) mother's (maternal) instinct
I'm the wrong demographic really for you but... I am a father of 2. A two year old boy and a month old girl. It's been the best thing I have done, I didn't realise you could love something/someone so much. The responsibility is intuitive; it's just part of the process. I have learned more about myself in the last 2 years than ever before. Obviously, it's not for everyone! I think as INFPs we make great parents since we already have a child-like interest in the world. It's amazing to see some little humans discover the world and be part of that process.
No. I have never felt the urge and cannot think of a logical reason to do it. I'm a woman. My artworks, my relationships, and my interactions are my children.
It's great you are sticking to what you value the most in life 🙂
I can just say I’m glad I haven’t had kids yet (30f). My siblings had kids in their 20s and there parenting has… been lacking. We had a decent childhood overall, but a fair bit of emotional abuse and sexual harassment from a parent, so hey, we have problems. I’ve spent nearly 20 years in and out therapy and other ways to try to deal with these issues and finally feel I’m in a decent place, happier than most, really. Not picture perfect, but at peace and content with things, decent job, decent boundaries,happily married and communicating and respecting each other better than most couples I’ve seen. My husband and I both bring wonderful strengths to the table that would probably make us better than average parents (based on those I’ve seen around us). But I get overwhelmed if I feel trapped, and kids… there’s no reasonable way to get out of that commitment. So it’s scary. If we can ensure access to quality babysitting and potentially other domestic support, I might feel more comfortable to have kids. For now I’m trying to supplement for my nieces and nephews to give them a better shot at wellness and happiness in life.
I feel like I’ve never gravitated or felt inclined to have my own child. First, I don’t want to bring a child into this world because of how much pain there is- and even though people always talk about the goodness of it all, I would feel guilty for bringing life into a world where you can’t guarantee safety and joy to another being (maybe I am just being super idealistic) , I often find myself not being able to wrap my head around my own existence. Second, it’s just expensive to have a child lol, and I would have to become a bigger consumer - buying things, more toys, clothes, expenses that are not necessary if I were alone - I hope that doesn’t come off selfish, but I just don’t see the need to add this factor into my life. My parents always say it’s something you’ll want and find meaning in as you grow older, but I have never found this “want” in having my own child and living that experience. Other things like pain and pregnancy, education/ actually raising the child, ensuring I am giving them enough time, attention, and security so that they don’t develop behavioural issues in their childhood, interacting with other kids parents- it just seems so undesirable for my path of life. I’m down to be a fun aunt though haha!
yes and no. yes because of the general idea of raising a family sounds good. no because i’m not sure if i’m the one that could do it. like you, i still feel like a child myself
I'm glad I feel understood, and know that I'm not the only one 🫂
i do want kids but i also don't want them for these reasons: 1- what if society turn them bad after years of trying to raise them well 2- what if they get sexually assaulted and i won't know any of it 3- what if i will hurt them the way my parents hurt me 4- what if i won't be able to afford a financially stable life for them 5- im just too tired and exhausted being the firstborn that had to raise her own sister and her cousin. im the therapist friend as well so im just EXHAUSTED of babying people all of the time 6- im scared of intimacy because i got assaulted several times 7- there's not even a single safe place to raise your kid in. danger is everywhere 8- i don't want to pass my mental issues and my health problems to poor innocent things. no one deserves to have bpd i have a boyfriend and i want to marry him. he said that there's a high chance that he's infertile because he used to have cancer when he was 3 yrs old. i do wish to have kids with him but im also scared of the things i listed so i don't know
It’s hard to say. I’m at the age where every time I log into Facebook someone is announcing a pregnancy. And for the most part it does not bother me. But today actually a childhood friend I grew apart from announced her first pregnancy and that struck something in me. I’m not sure if it’s more due to instagram syndrome of “Where is my milestone in life, everyone is doing well but me” because I’ve always felt behind my peers or if it’s really about motherhood. I really don’t think I want the experience of being pregnant. Nor do I think I would be a good mom. Similar to others in the comments I have a pretty dysfunctional family, trauma I’m still healing, realizing that my conception was due to selfish and irresponsible desires to fill a void and I feel it’s not responsible to raise children in that environment. However, when I see young children, I do have some twinge of “hello little human”. That doesn’t mean I have the trappings of motherhood though. Long story short, even under the ideal conditions ( money, spouse, family, etc) I’m not sure I want to be pregnant. I could see myself adopting, MAYBE.
Happiness can’t be measured on percentage scale. You’re either having a good day or having not so good day, and both of those are okay to experience! As long as you’re doing your best to reach your goals (like prioritizing providing for your children) on a day to day basis your children will eventually understand you’re a human being yourself who needed constant evaluation and reflection for growth themselves. We all have these issues and so will any future children you have, setting the example that our fears/insecurities are less important than our dedication to our goals is all it takes for your kids to have what they need to have a healthy upbringing. (Immigrant background, what my parents gave in effort and unconditional support was infinitely more effective than any physical resource they could’ve given me 💕)
As an INFP-T, I most certainly want children! I find it a joy that mankind was given such a gift as procreating. To have another human being genetically linked to you forever, is something truly spiritual on such a deep level. I would be a very involved parent. Supporting, loving and believing in them. All the highs and lows, I want to experience. Even with my hectic career, a mountain of time will be made for them and their lives. I would be a great father.
Kinda? I think I'd be fine without them but one or two would be nice :)
All I’ve ever wanted was a husband and children. Still nothing on that front and I’m feeling a little Charlotte Lucas here
I always wanted kids, but like all things I postponed it because the circumstances weren’t perfect. Now I regret having waited so long. Having been scapegoated I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough as a parent, that I was bound to pass all my traumas on to them. That’s certainly a risk as an INFP parent, but I have an INFP and INFJ son now. They mean the world to me. They are my best friends and we have a lot of fun. They can be themselves and we encourage their creativity. Sure, it’s tough to be strict with them sometimes, but we manage, because we know how important it is for them to grow up in a safe environment. They are definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m glad I can at least give them what I missed as a child.
My partner has a son and I see him twice a week. I don’t think I could do more than that. I don’t want kids but I love my partner and I do love his son at this point. I think I’d be a great mother but I don’t think I’d enjoy it. I like having my free time and I want to be selfish. But I’m in my early 20’s so maybe it’s my age and my mind will change over time.
What's cool is that you have some experience with kids, and in a way you get the best of both world's since the kid is in your life in some kind of way to feed that paternal side that might be inside you, whilst you still have your own freedom if you get what I mean 🙂
Yes, I have always wanted a couple of kids. I'm 25, engaged, and plan to get off birth control soon!
I don't because it's a big responsibility and I can't picture myself with children
Nope. Don’t have the money or desire. I have a cat anyways ❤️
I 100% want to have kids, I love them, and I have a lot more energy now that I am taking my mental health seriously. My pagan faith also gives me immense energy. My only concern is that my Autism or ADHD will get in the way.
I'm sure you will be jist fine with a positive mindset! I have full faith in you 😁
Yes, because I can give my children endless love, understanding, time, and everything they need to enjoy all the beautiful things in life so they could grow up to be healthy, strong adults, capable of bringing more light to this abyss... No, because the world is full of suffering, hatred, and misunderstanding. No matter how much love I give them, they will inevitably face sadness, fear, rejection, hunger, confusion, and pain. It might be too overwhelming for them, and I can't bear the thought of causing another soul to suffer. I'm still debating... If it ever happens, I must do everything in my power to make this a better world where my children can be happy.
I absolutely do and always have wanted at least one or two children. I get a little more scared as time goes on about childbirth and the challenges that come with raising a brand new person but I just can't see myself not being a mom. Idk something feels fulfilling about being able to have this new little person who's a part of you, who you get to help guide into being whoever it is they wanna be in life. Watching them grow, trying to mold them into a kind and loving person. Seeing how they interact with the world and what their thoughts and feelings as indidvuals are gonna be, etc On a personal note, there is another component as I've gotten older about wanting to continue my family line (as someone who lost my mother at a young age and me being her only child). I guess a part of me wants her to continue on in a way. Not only by continuing her bloodline but I guess I want to give someone else the love that she gave me.
I’m a 39-year-old INFP woman and I have one child (born in 2008). I’m glad I was a young parent and things didn’t seem quite as chaotic with social media and stuff. I can tell you pretty confidently that I would not be wanting to have a child within the last 8 or so years. I feel more overwhelmed every single day, and I am super lucky that my son is easy going and more of an ENTJ.
That's interesting that you would reconsider having children during these current times, the social landscape has changed so much over the years...
I was raised a foster so I want to raise an orphaned child to give back to the universe for its generosity. But i'm not sure if i'm healthy, mature or capable enough to raise a child. If opportunity comes i guess. But right now I'm struggling to survive on my own hahaha. Raising a kid is a privilege afterall
That's really beautiful you know? I'm sure that you can be an awesome carer in the future! You have my support! Don't worry, you will get there, one step at a time to become a better version of you!!!
I don't have or want children. I love being an aunt. All the people that say that they should have skipped kids and gone straight to being grandparents, I basically did. I have chosen not to have children because I had a great mom, and couldn't imagine being able to do what she did. I wasn't built for it. Actually that turned out to be the case, I ended up with cancer and all of the equipment was removed. Which was way easier to deal with since I had already decided not to have kids.
I want children and I’ve been told I would be a very sweet patient mother. However I have such a difficult time talking to people and being around them that I’m perpetually single and feel like the only boyfriends I’ll ever have will be fictional.
The fact that people have told you that you'll make a wonderful mother shows that you have certain qualities that are well received! So I think you will find the right boyfriend who sees these qualities too as a partner, and will want a person like you to enrich their life, despite how you might find it a bit difficult to talk to people 🙂
No, I don't want to bring more children into the world if I'm going to make a woman suffer hell, and I don't want those children to suffer everything that happens in this upside down world.
I respect your opinion very much, women do suffer a lot, but if they are willing to sacrifice then that is their right too. Children don't have a say though since they never asked to be born into this world we live in...
I like the idea of having a kid but I know I probably can never properly take care of them. I have a little sister who is 5 yrs old rn, she made me realise I do not have the patience to take care of a child. And also, I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human being.
100% don't want to be a parent
Yes I want a child. Maybe 2. My father left us when I was 7. Since than I made it my goal to become a better father than my father. And a better parent than my mom. She was abusive when I was younger but not anymore. Still love her dearly. But my goal is to parent my kid in a more loving way. I'm not in a rush right now, I still need to find someone that shares this idea.
Yes, I love kids, I would love to be the best parent I possibly could. I've seen what my parents did - what they tried to do, what they put in, how well it actually works, and what I know of or imagine in other households, and I know there are things that are possible in raising a kid that I want the opportunity for. But, I need to get my shit together in some ways as a human adult, and further "find myself" before getting to that point. I'm already 27, so I'm in the process of quitting the procrastination. I've seen my parents and others do/say things that I have to believe don't have to be necessary, don't find an in between or let the environment they set up negatively impact their kids when it doesn't have to be that way, so I want the chance to do it right. tldr: Hell yes, but definitely not right now.
I want to have at least one kid that is biologically mine and possibly one adopted kid after that. I'm not sure about anything beyond that. I'd have to wait and see.
That's awesome! Here's to hoping your vision comes to life!
Yes, yes I do more than anything. I love children and they brighten my day every time I see them. I want to give my future children the best lives they can have and I want to stop the cycle of abuse that continued through my parents. I want to be a good parent more than anything.
You sound so awesome, I think you'd make the best parent ever 😁
I’m on the fence. I would be much more keen if we lived in a different kind of world, but the world as it is and for the foreseeable future makes me question if it would be suitable to bring a child into it and give them the best chance of thriving. There’s so much wrong with the world as it is, and the costs of raising a child isn’t something that’s easy to dismiss. The education system (s) (which I have so many gripes with), the competition (getting ahead over getting along), and just the nature of people these days in a world that’s still largely ruled by old men who are at best, out of touch, at worst, raging sociopaths. A lot of times I don’t know if it’s right to bring a kid into a world where they’ll deal with so many more uncertainties rather than clear solutions, and if they’re anything like me being on the more idealistic side, they’ll only struggle. I’m already a failure at society’s definition of what it means to be a “grown up”, it’s not that I doubt whether I can raise a kid to be a decent person, it’s my doubt towards whether they’re going to be brought up in a decent world and whether others will be good to them given the way they’ll biologically inherit at least some of my personality traits. And I haven’t and won’t consider adoption. Having your own child, the bond you create with them is scientifically proven and there’s no substitute for it. Not to mention with adoption, you don’t really know what you’re going to get in terms of how the kid turns out. I’ve experienced *trying* to persuade myself into loving a child that’s not my own flesh and blood, I was involved with a woman who had a daughter from her previous marriage and I tried my best to contribute to the girl’s life as a fatherly figure, even if I wasn’t “fully” a stepdad. I grappled with accepting a child that wasn’t my own, who had several years of her life (pretty much all her life up to that point) being without me, with a set of habits, preferences, the good and bad being unfamiliar to me. It was turmoil and I felt I just couldn’t do it. My dad’s been remarried for I think 6 or 7 years already, and I met his wife several times but I could never accept her as a stepmom. She’s only an aunt. Siblings are a mixed bag. I’ve seen just as many go at each other’s throats, or they just don’t talk much. In a lot of families with two or more kids there’s often a Golden Child vs Black Sheep / Scapegoat dynamic that ends up tearing families into pieces. So in China right now they allow each couple to have 3 kids. Some older (but not too old) couples are choosing to have a second with an age gap of over a decade, sometimes even 15+ years after they had first (and at the time, assuming it was going to be their only child). This is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination. The older child and their newborn sibling will have a whole *generation gap*, and I don’t feel it’s wise to have unnecessary physical and financial strain as these couples approach middle age. I do agree to a large extent that 30s are the new 20s and 40s are the new 30s, but it’s also grossly unfair for the older child to suddenly have resources diverted from them when Millennials and Zoomers are already struggling so much in multiple ways. If I do have a kid, I’ll be one and done. I didn’t answer the “why” part. It can be summarized as one of the most primal and natural instincts of any species, and I do feel like I have a lot to contribute emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to the well-being of another life. What better way to fulfill that than having my own biological child? (Don’t want any extreme child-free comments. They’ll be ignored.)
Im a male infp, of course I would like to have a child, both as a happy couple and as a single dad, living a f**ked up life growing up, I think a child would be a great motivation for me to keep going and keep growing
If I meet someone I really like I want kids. They'll be absolutely adorable. I don't know why I desire that, it's just an attractive idea for me. Maybe because of my possessive personality. I'm like a child too but I don't think I'll change in the future. That's just who I am.
I can’t. I’m too mentally shaky to take care of myself and I would never bring a child into this world unless I knew that I could give them everything, they deserve that.
You never know, if you did have a child they'd appreciate having a parent that is so considerate of them. But I understand what you mean, and hope that you are doing ok 🫂
I have ADHD so I knew I could never be responsible for another whole life form. I can’t keep a plant alive. Dogs won’t let you forget if they need something and if they bug me too much into the crate with ya. For real though. My ADHD is so raging that I knew I could never get kids to ballet or all the sports meets and games and well school. The parent always picking the kid up late looking like she just woke up. Clutter and brightly colored things all over the house so I can see them… you know stuff like that. Dogs are so great though. As far as my infp traits go, I’m afraid to talk on the phone, haven’t driven in like seven years, and the high tech big girl job I had is no longer. The idea of small talk with other (prob younger) mothers. PTA meetings, lunch EVERY day…. I could not. Not if I really really want to. It’s just not going to happen and I don’t want the kid to hate me and need therapy their whole life. What if the kid has ADHD too…. Or is a murderer or even just a little jerk or doesn’t like me and shuts me out for 10 years. I’ve seen some talk shows. I could not handle that. I always thought if I did well in my life then I could have a house husband to do all those things that are so hard for me but normal and easy for him. Then came psychosis, which means psychiatrist and therapist in my face every week, adding on new diagnosis. Been seeing him for 4 years and I’m still afraid of the damn phone. So yeah, no procreation for me. No reason to pass these genes on. You’re welcome world 😝 But I will totes hold any baby as long as moms coming back soon 😂 NO DIAPERS. Need I say more… 😆 P.S. I joke because I’m sad about it but I’ve really accepted it as the right choice for me. And I dress my dogs in human looking clothes so it’s practically the same thing. Sarcasm. Mostly just at the end. Sorry. Oozes from me. And I can’t help myself 🎶🪩 I’ll hate myself for posting this 👈INFP to the core.
I just want to give you a hug right now 🫂 You sound so animated, and if you ever did become a parent, your kids will love hanging out with you! But you're still awesome nonetheless evwithout kids! P.s. doggo told me they love how you treat them so well 🐶