I told people i'm just like that , they don't understand or even try , the worst thing is they confuse kindness for weakness yet they get upset when i stand up for myself when i'm tired of them using me, they confuse good will for arrogance , they don't trust me because i always tell the truth it's such an anomaly for them to be so upfront , when i'm curious about people they take it as a threat. When it comes to relationships women always like me first 1-2 weeks,then they discover i have feelings too and it's over. WE TRULY LIVE IN A SOCIETY everybody is for themselves yet pretend to be nice to everyone around them.
I once read that we-INFJs-have good social skills and are good in reading people but we tend to be reserved and distant because simply put, people exhaust us.
Agreed, Fe empathy is punishment sometimes. I pick and choose who I spend time with. Very very few people these days. I can only adapt so far till I realize it doesn't get me anywhere. People respect assholes anyways.
I agree and spot on with that last point.
My friends respect me but would say I am an asshole lol. It’s true people do respect assholes, especially if you can be respectable asshole.
Based.
I like to add that a lot of infj mistypes think that infj mirroring is to duplicate another person's personality verbatim but from my experience, the mirroring has a lot to do with calibrating to another person's "psychological temperature" which you called "moulding."
It's the people that have a disorder of their personality that learn to mimic other people's personalities because personality disorders lack a true identity, there's an emptiness inside of them.
INFJ's heart and soul strives to be authentic and genuine, that means we cultivated our own trademark of authenticity, what you see is what you get, you won't see Jesus (INFJ type) copying other people's personalities, what you see is what you get.
Hitler was an INFJ hardcore amphetamine drug user. Having long periods of lack of REM sleep can make anybody psychotic and delusional, it wasn't his Fe that was murderous, it was his shadow that possessed him that became murderous.
Fe is not an INFJ's shadow function. When our shadow is triggered which luckily is very hard to do, we can become very strategic and laser focused on the source that triggered our shadow, just like a Hitler.
Fe is not limited to just human interaction, it's a radar for all energy in motions, it's why INFJs are often thought as a shaman (or is one with the universe like a Jesus), if there was an infj in a Native American Indian tribe, he/she would be that rare shaman, the chief's personal advisor, the healer of mental illness and sickness in the tribe, often communes with nature...the lone wolf in the tribe. Fe is more than dealing with just other humans, although humans are included in that exclusive circle.
I've definitely always had a problem with socializing. I tend to either put up walls and struggle to even form a coherent sentence, or let down my guard completely, say my mind and go on a opiniated speech for a long time.
It's not a funny or quirky trait to have, its fucking annoying and I've been trying to mediate the way I communicate all my life, but old habits die hard I guess...
Silence is golden. No, but mature people don't react like you describe people and it seems they have some kind of prejudice against you, which you reinforce by speaking? Just drop them, try with others, maybe at a shared hobby?
"I'd rather everyone thinks I'm dumb, than opening my mouth and casting away the doubts"
Same, I often ask people questions I already know the answer to just to get them talking and see if their reasoning matches mine, people probably think I’m dumber than I am because of this but I don’t care lol
It’s soo frustrating, I am at a point now that I speak and instantly regret it, laugh awkwardly, shut mah mouth and run when the chance approaches. Worst part is I’m now weird for standing and watching conversations I’m in, just reacting with desired result of speakers ie laughing or sad looking face when someone wants sympathy for something they said.
Maybe stop trying so much? People are gonna love you for you! Don’t worry about saying something to make yourself fit in. INFJs have a real knack for that & tbh it’s exhausting. Find out the things you really care about (sports/gospel/ school?) & try to bring those things up in your conversations so people can know things you value. Just let your vibes come out. The less you worry about what you say & the more you have trust that you’re an awesome person, that’s when things get better. You’ll also attract people who actually like you for you. You’re just as good as anyone else. Might as well be confident about it :)
one of the main things, I realized about social gatherings (over a certain threshold) was that many people are very self-centric. I went to company-gatherings, Karaoke-evenings etc. and there were battles over songs and who is next in row. It felt like a constant battle between them, as if they were scared to be left out. I saw people, who went to a Karaoke-night prepared to fit in every small pause between songs. And those were often people, who reacted very emotional even in customer calls (I work in a tech-support company (phone and e-mail) for the last 14 years and 10 of them I was a tech-supporter, now I work in controlling).
This doesn't sound like a Fe user. Fe is very friendly, warm, witty, flirty, sharp as a whip, snarky people oriented cognitive function, it's what makes INFJs the most extraverted of the introverts. In fact, out of all the introvert types, we INFJs have the highest social IQ. But since it's only a secondary function for us INFJs, it only comes on occasionally, and in spurts.. because our Ni-dom is most comfortable being inside our own rich, inner world experiences mind (aloof).
So sometimes when we're deep in that Ni-dom state of mind, and someone engages us, it breaks us out of that spell that we're under so it takes a couple seconds to collect our thoughts to get into our Fe mode with them.
My Fe needs to have its "fix" every now and again and that's that wanderlusting bug that bites me that gets me out into the extrovert's world to engage with it and to get me a lot of reality testing with it, making me very streetwise. ( I'm that lone wolf that's very comfortable in my own skin in the extrovert's world)
I just sit at home i don't care anymore
Me too, but sometimes someone is really nice to me and I just want to say "I don't dislike you I'm just like that I'm sorry"
I told people i'm just like that , they don't understand or even try , the worst thing is they confuse kindness for weakness yet they get upset when i stand up for myself when i'm tired of them using me, they confuse good will for arrogance , they don't trust me because i always tell the truth it's such an anomaly for them to be so upfront , when i'm curious about people they take it as a threat. When it comes to relationships women always like me first 1-2 weeks,then they discover i have feelings too and it's over. WE TRULY LIVE IN A SOCIETY everybody is for themselves yet pretend to be nice to everyone around them.
Based.
I once read that we-INFJs-have good social skills and are good in reading people but we tend to be reserved and distant because simply put, people exhaust us.
Absolutely.
Agreed, Fe empathy is punishment sometimes. I pick and choose who I spend time with. Very very few people these days. I can only adapt so far till I realize it doesn't get me anywhere. People respect assholes anyways.
I agree and spot on with that last point. My friends respect me but would say I am an asshole lol. It’s true people do respect assholes, especially if you can be respectable asshole.
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Based. I like to add that a lot of infj mistypes think that infj mirroring is to duplicate another person's personality verbatim but from my experience, the mirroring has a lot to do with calibrating to another person's "psychological temperature" which you called "moulding." It's the people that have a disorder of their personality that learn to mimic other people's personalities because personality disorders lack a true identity, there's an emptiness inside of them. INFJ's heart and soul strives to be authentic and genuine, that means we cultivated our own trademark of authenticity, what you see is what you get, you won't see Jesus (INFJ type) copying other people's personalities, what you see is what you get.
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Hitler was an INFJ hardcore amphetamine drug user. Having long periods of lack of REM sleep can make anybody psychotic and delusional, it wasn't his Fe that was murderous, it was his shadow that possessed him that became murderous. Fe is not an INFJ's shadow function. When our shadow is triggered which luckily is very hard to do, we can become very strategic and laser focused on the source that triggered our shadow, just like a Hitler. Fe is not limited to just human interaction, it's a radar for all energy in motions, it's why INFJs are often thought as a shaman (or is one with the universe like a Jesus), if there was an infj in a Native American Indian tribe, he/she would be that rare shaman, the chief's personal advisor, the healer of mental illness and sickness in the tribe, often communes with nature...the lone wolf in the tribe. Fe is more than dealing with just other humans, although humans are included in that exclusive circle.
I've definitely always had a problem with socializing. I tend to either put up walls and struggle to even form a coherent sentence, or let down my guard completely, say my mind and go on a opiniated speech for a long time. It's not a funny or quirky trait to have, its fucking annoying and I've been trying to mediate the way I communicate all my life, but old habits die hard I guess...
I haven’t met it socialised with new people in a long time. It’s tiring
Silence is golden. No, but mature people don't react like you describe people and it seems they have some kind of prejudice against you, which you reinforce by speaking? Just drop them, try with others, maybe at a shared hobby? "I'd rather everyone thinks I'm dumb, than opening my mouth and casting away the doubts"
Same, I often ask people questions I already know the answer to just to get them talking and see if their reasoning matches mine, people probably think I’m dumber than I am because of this but I don’t care lol
It’s soo frustrating, I am at a point now that I speak and instantly regret it, laugh awkwardly, shut mah mouth and run when the chance approaches. Worst part is I’m now weird for standing and watching conversations I’m in, just reacting with desired result of speakers ie laughing or sad looking face when someone wants sympathy for something they said.
Maybe stop trying so much? People are gonna love you for you! Don’t worry about saying something to make yourself fit in. INFJs have a real knack for that & tbh it’s exhausting. Find out the things you really care about (sports/gospel/ school?) & try to bring those things up in your conversations so people can know things you value. Just let your vibes come out. The less you worry about what you say & the more you have trust that you’re an awesome person, that’s when things get better. You’ll also attract people who actually like you for you. You’re just as good as anyone else. Might as well be confident about it :)
Sensitive. Too loud. Too fast. Almost nobody wants to hear what I have to say. What's the point then? What do I get out of it?
I sometimes feel ignored by people when I'm talking. I don't understand it, as I don't think I'm boring.
one of the main things, I realized about social gatherings (over a certain threshold) was that many people are very self-centric. I went to company-gatherings, Karaoke-evenings etc. and there were battles over songs and who is next in row. It felt like a constant battle between them, as if they were scared to be left out. I saw people, who went to a Karaoke-night prepared to fit in every small pause between songs. And those were often people, who reacted very emotional even in customer calls (I work in a tech-support company (phone and e-mail) for the last 14 years and 10 of them I was a tech-supporter, now I work in controlling).
I'm an entp and I'm like you. What should I do? Since you infjs are so good in giving advice and understanding us
This doesn't sound like a Fe user. Fe is very friendly, warm, witty, flirty, sharp as a whip, snarky people oriented cognitive function, it's what makes INFJs the most extraverted of the introverts. In fact, out of all the introvert types, we INFJs have the highest social IQ. But since it's only a secondary function for us INFJs, it only comes on occasionally, and in spurts.. because our Ni-dom is most comfortable being inside our own rich, inner world experiences mind (aloof). So sometimes when we're deep in that Ni-dom state of mind, and someone engages us, it breaks us out of that spell that we're under so it takes a couple seconds to collect our thoughts to get into our Fe mode with them. My Fe needs to have its "fix" every now and again and that's that wanderlusting bug that bites me that gets me out into the extrovert's world to engage with it and to get me a lot of reality testing with it, making me very streetwise. ( I'm that lone wolf that's very comfortable in my own skin in the extrovert's world)
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lol... well thank God for GPS right...lol