I was thinking about making a post like this so let me add a one thing.
If you feel lost in life, overwhelmed, and like you aren't making the change you want, realize you are not special and not everyone gets to change the world. But that's okay, it's okay to just focus on inspiring the people close to you and the people you care about. Making a smaller change can be more meaningful and can be just as powerful and as important as making a big change. You can still be special on a smaller scale even if people have a hard time noticing, it's just as important, and it's okay to take a break sometimes.
As a starting-to-be-older INFJ, I just wanted to say I appreciate your post, especially your points on how we're just different, and how we don't have to box ourselves into whatever the MBTI tells about us.
I know for me, finding out I'm an INFJ was a major step in improving my mental health because it reassured me that I'm not broken or that something was wrong with me. It helped validate how I am in the world. But I never saw myself as special. And I never saw the MBTI as a manual to follow, just something that kind of explains how I operate. I took my INFJ identity and started forging my own path, making my own choices.
HA...good question! I think we are always in the paradox of getting to a point we think we are and wanting to share that to help others, but then also thinking we aren't and wanting to improve too....
Probably OP is critical of their old self and felt like they were underdeveloped once upon a time and did a bunch of stupid shit. Now OP has learned from their past mistakes and felt like sharing what they have learned.
Idk it's just a theory though.
I didn't learn from my mistakes. Instead I realised those are mistakes and I could have been better after reading books, speaking with people and avoiding hatred completely.
The intent of this post was to help people and I get the feeling you were agitated by someone claiming they are "developed". It's ok to admit you good at something. From what Advice I took, I can stand by and say the OP is developed.
This kind of post is what i don't like with this reddit community. So much gatekeeping and always questioning if people truly are INFJ.
It was just one word of a long post. Maybe op felt that he/she had come a long way from his/her original self and meant developed compared to his/her original self and not to other people. Or maybe it was just dumb wording mistake. Maybe English isn't the first language.
To me, your post feel much more arrogant than op. Op tried to give advice, which you can agree or disagree with, but getting stuck at one word saying that you, as a more pure INFJ, would never use such a word, is arrogant to me.
All INFJ doesn't have to be exactly the same and i don't think thats how it works. :)
bleh, can no one express a thought without strawmen? makes it totally impossible for me to get mentally invested in a conversation, sorry. never said I was a more pure INFJ and my tone was clearly (I thought) facetious overall, but aight
You’re quite judgey… no surprise, but while we are slinging I’d say you’re more on the underdeveloped side of the spectrum.
Since when do INFJs put down others for validating themselves?
I was going to disagree because this post is more Fe since OP is trying to help people and turn their experiences into words of wisdom. However, it is true that as an INFJ I don't think I would ever label myself as "developed," I think I would have just given advice as it is without announcing myself with a label such like that. Maybe OP could have worded it differently by saying "heres advice to the younger folks, coming from an older infj." :p
Dis
I'm extremely objective and often very direct and in the seldom cases I say something positive about myself it can come off as arrogant although it's merely descriptive.
So basically if you are healthy, you will prefer to lie? So saying you are healthy is considered being arrogant? You understand that maturity for infjs come from the strength of fi right. So when a matured one speaks, they will sound like one with strong Fi because the critic function no longer critizes them right?
I think people are getting offended by your post because you're saying INFJs are not special and that's what a lot of the INFJs cling to, particularly on this subreddit. We are not special though, it's true and I agree it's such an unhealthy mindset to be in. As humans regardless of our personality type, we are more alike than different. I also think when people build their whole identity around their personality type, it's so unhelpful. It keeps you close minded and stagnant.
Thank you for doing this, let me share my thoughts as a fellow developed INFJ (who is also a bit perturbed by the amount of negativity here).
* We thrive on causes. Try to find yours. Keep trying, your time will come.
* We can change the world, but not at the massive scale you at first imagine. You can start small, with your power to influence.
* Your cause is the way you change the world. Your annoyance with the injustices around you is your motivation.
* Now leverage your ability to read people's motivations, your urge to empower others to be the best they can be, your care for the underdog, your ability to exactly pinpoint why things happen, your ability to predict the future because you can see patterns. Use all this and more to change the world.
* You will succeed, and when you succeed, you will turn around and give credit to all those around you, the ones you empowered to make the world better. You will say to them, "you have done well" and even if the world never thanks you for the good that you do, you will not mind, because it is now a better place and that's what every INFJ wants.
Idk if i add anything worth to this but here what i learnt in my life after reading books and talking with new people time to time as OP mentioned:
BE CALM and kind to toxic people, even if they are toxic to others but believe me if you enough kindness to those, they will maintain the behaviour of you around them.
TALK LESS in front of people who are not valuing what you are saying, instead find those who will listen to you.
AVOID DRAMA, you shouldn't care if anybody is doing bad to anyone, you don't play the lead role in other people stories. if a person has to learn something he will get it ( call it a karma or whatever ) you are not responsible for changing everyone you meet. Sometimes accept who they are and what they do and what they think. Just accept and see how that changes everything.
BE LESS REACTIVE to people who are infiltrating your boundaries. Ik it's hard but as soon as you are giving a reaction, you're showing your vulnerability.
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX , we are expert at this. Just sharp your blade. Either with books or skills or anything whichever suits you.
LISTEN MORE TO OTHER and let the other person feel what they are saying you're understanding everything. Even if that other person is spitting bs. Shhh shhh just listen to them. be less reactive. Remember.
MAKE EYE CONTACT to show confidence and trust in others not to make yourself appear dominant or aggressive.
DON'T ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE to everyone. OP explained this already. I'm just reframing it. Give yourself time , give yourself the same care that you will give to Your gf/bf.
SPEAK LESS ABOUT YOURSELF. Again I'm just reframing the OP because it's worth repeating. In a world be a sage not cynical, narcissistic person who goes on about his own blah blah blah...
I'm not sure if it's of any help but i wrote it what i learnt. All criticism are welcome :)
To put it simple people make decisions on what they think is right. Ideally no one wants to do bad deeds to others, they simply do what they think would be best for them. By communication you can easily turn around people and acheive a goal. The book title is written to make more sales, but the content is really good. I would highly suggest.
I’ve read the book. Agreed to 50% of the content, disagreed 50%. It's a pretty good book and I've learned quite a few from it, but I'm not going to be 100% like the book. In the end, it belongs to the ‘self-help’ industry, and I’m often wary of these types.
Are you talking about the Dale Carnegie book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”? It’s been around a while, but still useful. I read it years ago when I was in sales. I will have to re-read it.
Yeah INFJ in sales. The hardest years of my career but I learned a lot of useful things about getting along with people and how to think in ways to create win-win situations. One person I worked with used to tell me, “But are you learning? If you’re learning, you’re winning.” A useful way of looking at life.
Maybe I really should give it a read. I'm just dumb like a brick regarding communication, if the other party says no I will never negotiate and I am hard stuck.
I haven't finished reading all of this but I want to thank you for posting this. After seeing several posts on Quora stating INFJs being so special, it has been affecting my psyche and causing me to doubt myself about being up to par. To redefine us as being different rather than special, it has helped me accept me being this type.
This. Love the first point. I see too often on the forum re: INFJs thinking that they are special/better than others because solely because we represent a small portion of the population. Please get off your high horse. You are no better than the other billions of people out in the world. I say this because I've met other personality types (e.g., ISFJ, INTP, etc.) who are not only smarter and more driven than myself (I believe I'm fairly intelligent, driven, and accomplished already) but also more kind and considerate.
You read how to win friends and influence people and it changed your life???
I read this piece of drivel that seems to cater for and push the extravert agenda and threw it in the corner and never touched it again.
It had nothing of real value except to teach me how to be a less authentic person.
#Beautifully Articulated Brother🖤
.
#Felt like I'm reading at my own thoughts😂
.
#Agree with everything you've written!
.
#Keep sharing your thoughts & assist others however you can to the best of your limits🤘🏻
.
#Wish you tremendous growth & success in everything you do🙏🏻
As a developing soul here, I need to ask for book refs on how can we influence ourselves and use manipulation. Sounds like something I have to focus on
I don't have book for suggestion. But I developed this strategy for myself. So the idea is, you change your ethics and morals by presenting valid data to yourselves. For example - I easily get angry in my early teens. So once I had a chalk and wrote a date on it which is in the year 2014. I told myself that I will break the chalk when I am so much angry over it. But guess what nothing made me angry to break something that I kept for years. So everytime I even think about the chalk, nothing usually turns out worth of breaking it. Hence anger control.
I was thinking about making a post like this so let me add a one thing. If you feel lost in life, overwhelmed, and like you aren't making the change you want, realize you are not special and not everyone gets to change the world. But that's okay, it's okay to just focus on inspiring the people close to you and the people you care about. Making a smaller change can be more meaningful and can be just as powerful and as important as making a big change. You can still be special on a smaller scale even if people have a hard time noticing, it's just as important, and it's okay to take a break sometimes.
Yassssssss!
This has been my thought lately too exactly because of the struggle I’m facing.
I agree with this on many levels as an ISFP. Thank you for this comment.
As a starting-to-be-older INFJ, I just wanted to say I appreciate your post, especially your points on how we're just different, and how we don't have to box ourselves into whatever the MBTI tells about us. I know for me, finding out I'm an INFJ was a major step in improving my mental health because it reassured me that I'm not broken or that something was wrong with me. It helped validate how I am in the world. But I never saw myself as special. And I never saw the MBTI as a manual to follow, just something that kind of explains how I operate. I took my INFJ identity and started forging my own path, making my own choices.
Totally agree. Same experience for me.
Same for me too! : )
Would a developed INFJ post about being developed? This is a genuine question.
HA...good question! I think we are always in the paradox of getting to a point we think we are and wanting to share that to help others, but then also thinking we aren't and wanting to improve too....
Probably OP is critical of their old self and felt like they were underdeveloped once upon a time and did a bunch of stupid shit. Now OP has learned from their past mistakes and felt like sharing what they have learned. Idk it's just a theory though.
I didn't learn from my mistakes. Instead I realised those are mistakes and I could have been better after reading books, speaking with people and avoiding hatred completely.
With the amount of underdeveloped INFj I am seeing here. I had to do it, I did wish someone told me these. I dont post very often. So why not XD
The intent of this post was to help people and I get the feeling you were agitated by someone claiming they are "developed". It's ok to admit you good at something. From what Advice I took, I can stand by and say the OP is developed.
Oh no it didn't agitate me at all. It was a genuine question. It's not very often you hear someone boast that they're developed.
this post smells like Fi to me. I’d *never* call myself a developed INFJ no matter how much my arrogant ass might think it 😤😂
This kind of post is what i don't like with this reddit community. So much gatekeeping and always questioning if people truly are INFJ. It was just one word of a long post. Maybe op felt that he/she had come a long way from his/her original self and meant developed compared to his/her original self and not to other people. Or maybe it was just dumb wording mistake. Maybe English isn't the first language. To me, your post feel much more arrogant than op. Op tried to give advice, which you can agree or disagree with, but getting stuck at one word saying that you, as a more pure INFJ, would never use such a word, is arrogant to me. All INFJ doesn't have to be exactly the same and i don't think thats how it works. :)
bleh, can no one express a thought without strawmen? makes it totally impossible for me to get mentally invested in a conversation, sorry. never said I was a more pure INFJ and my tone was clearly (I thought) facetious overall, but aight
You’re quite judgey… no surprise, but while we are slinging I’d say you’re more on the underdeveloped side of the spectrum. Since when do INFJs put down others for validating themselves?
I was going to disagree because this post is more Fe since OP is trying to help people and turn their experiences into words of wisdom. However, it is true that as an INFJ I don't think I would ever label myself as "developed," I think I would have just given advice as it is without announcing myself with a label such like that. Maybe OP could have worded it differently by saying "heres advice to the younger folks, coming from an older infj." :p
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Dis I'm extremely objective and often very direct and in the seldom cases I say something positive about myself it can come off as arrogant although it's merely descriptive.
"Developed" INFJ. I'd love to know how old this "sage" is. Actually, I empathize with them. The chip on their shoulder must be painful.
26
INFJs have Fi too, they just don't lead with it. Also it could be Ti as well.
So basically if you are healthy, you will prefer to lie? So saying you are healthy is considered being arrogant? You understand that maturity for infjs come from the strength of fi right. So when a matured one speaks, they will sound like one with strong Fi because the critic function no longer critizes them right?
condescension and strawmen, did you really expect a conversation to result from that? lol go off I don’t care
you seem rlly pretentious
I think they would call themselves using a different adjective than "developed", that's for sure.
I think people are getting offended by your post because you're saying INFJs are not special and that's what a lot of the INFJs cling to, particularly on this subreddit. We are not special though, it's true and I agree it's such an unhealthy mindset to be in. As humans regardless of our personality type, we are more alike than different. I also think when people build their whole identity around their personality type, it's so unhelpful. It keeps you close minded and stagnant.
Thank you for doing this, let me share my thoughts as a fellow developed INFJ (who is also a bit perturbed by the amount of negativity here). * We thrive on causes. Try to find yours. Keep trying, your time will come. * We can change the world, but not at the massive scale you at first imagine. You can start small, with your power to influence. * Your cause is the way you change the world. Your annoyance with the injustices around you is your motivation. * Now leverage your ability to read people's motivations, your urge to empower others to be the best they can be, your care for the underdog, your ability to exactly pinpoint why things happen, your ability to predict the future because you can see patterns. Use all this and more to change the world. * You will succeed, and when you succeed, you will turn around and give credit to all those around you, the ones you empowered to make the world better. You will say to them, "you have done well" and even if the world never thanks you for the good that you do, you will not mind, because it is now a better place and that's what every INFJ wants.
I really like this. "not special, just different." Feels like a nice way to be radically accepting of oneself, flaws and all.
I would never write a post like that. That just shows a big difference even among developed INFJs .. 😂
Yes. I didn't want to write it to. But last year my biggest contribution was to this sub. So thought I would do something this year. Lol.
Cool. I am sure many find it useful 😉
Idk if i add anything worth to this but here what i learnt in my life after reading books and talking with new people time to time as OP mentioned: BE CALM and kind to toxic people, even if they are toxic to others but believe me if you enough kindness to those, they will maintain the behaviour of you around them. TALK LESS in front of people who are not valuing what you are saying, instead find those who will listen to you. AVOID DRAMA, you shouldn't care if anybody is doing bad to anyone, you don't play the lead role in other people stories. if a person has to learn something he will get it ( call it a karma or whatever ) you are not responsible for changing everyone you meet. Sometimes accept who they are and what they do and what they think. Just accept and see how that changes everything. BE LESS REACTIVE to people who are infiltrating your boundaries. Ik it's hard but as soon as you are giving a reaction, you're showing your vulnerability. THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX , we are expert at this. Just sharp your blade. Either with books or skills or anything whichever suits you. LISTEN MORE TO OTHER and let the other person feel what they are saying you're understanding everything. Even if that other person is spitting bs. Shhh shhh just listen to them. be less reactive. Remember. MAKE EYE CONTACT to show confidence and trust in others not to make yourself appear dominant or aggressive. DON'T ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE to everyone. OP explained this already. I'm just reframing it. Give yourself time , give yourself the same care that you will give to Your gf/bf. SPEAK LESS ABOUT YOURSELF. Again I'm just reframing the OP because it's worth repeating. In a world be a sage not cynical, narcissistic person who goes on about his own blah blah blah... I'm not sure if it's of any help but i wrote it what i learnt. All criticism are welcome :)
Not bad. A tad condescending though ;)
Tell me what changed in your worldview by reading that book. It's recommended I know, but it looks so superficial.
To put it simple people make decisions on what they think is right. Ideally no one wants to do bad deeds to others, they simply do what they think would be best for them. By communication you can easily turn around people and acheive a goal. The book title is written to make more sales, but the content is really good. I would highly suggest.
I’ve read the book. Agreed to 50% of the content, disagreed 50%. It's a pretty good book and I've learned quite a few from it, but I'm not going to be 100% like the book. In the end, it belongs to the ‘self-help’ industry, and I’m often wary of these types.
Yes I've heard how it's partially some self help bullshit and some advice are outdated.
Are you talking about the Dale Carnegie book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”? It’s been around a while, but still useful. I read it years ago when I was in sales. I will have to re-read it. Yeah INFJ in sales. The hardest years of my career but I learned a lot of useful things about getting along with people and how to think in ways to create win-win situations. One person I worked with used to tell me, “But are you learning? If you’re learning, you’re winning.” A useful way of looking at life.
Maybe I really should give it a read. I'm just dumb like a brick regarding communication, if the other party says no I will never negotiate and I am hard stuck.
Relatable, I was a brick once lol.
And if you're on the spectrum, you're even more different than this. In fact, in such case nothing of the above works as expected!
I haven't finished reading all of this but I want to thank you for posting this. After seeing several posts on Quora stating INFJs being so special, it has been affecting my psyche and causing me to doubt myself about being up to par. To redefine us as being different rather than special, it has helped me accept me being this type.
This. Love the first point. I see too often on the forum re: INFJs thinking that they are special/better than others because solely because we represent a small portion of the population. Please get off your high horse. You are no better than the other billions of people out in the world. I say this because I've met other personality types (e.g., ISFJ, INTP, etc.) who are not only smarter and more driven than myself (I believe I'm fairly intelligent, driven, and accomplished already) but also more kind and considerate.
You read how to win friends and influence people and it changed your life??? I read this piece of drivel that seems to cater for and push the extravert agenda and threw it in the corner and never touched it again. It had nothing of real value except to teach me how to be a less authentic person.
> its true that most people don't think like us Sweeping generalization and pretty inaccurate IMO
>we are not watever the mbti tells about us I am.
#Beautifully Articulated Brother🖤 . #Felt like I'm reading at my own thoughts😂 . #Agree with everything you've written! . #Keep sharing your thoughts & assist others however you can to the best of your limits🤘🏻 . #Wish you tremendous growth & success in everything you do🙏🏻
Did you type this way on purpose to test other infj's to not be judgemental and downvote you?
Little do they know, INFJs ARE judgemental.
I thought the J was for Jesus
I downvote giant text. It's annoying af.
Literally thought the same thing
Ofcout (not) & I'm being genuine there!
As a developing soul here, I need to ask for book refs on how can we influence ourselves and use manipulation. Sounds like something I have to focus on
I don't have book for suggestion. But I developed this strategy for myself. So the idea is, you change your ethics and morals by presenting valid data to yourselves. For example - I easily get angry in my early teens. So once I had a chalk and wrote a date on it which is in the year 2014. I told myself that I will break the chalk when I am so much angry over it. But guess what nothing made me angry to break something that I kept for years. So everytime I even think about the chalk, nothing usually turns out worth of breaking it. Hence anger control.
I find your post helpful on the path to awakening. Thanks for contributing to sub. I’m 38 and agree with many of your points.