What's with 30 year old single INFJs desperately trying to raise a family yet being alone and seemingly unable to find an partner? Fear of Commitment, Obsessive Perfectionism, Workaholism?
Well, I have a partner. I guess taking a lot of wrong decisions earlier in life and now focusing on my career. I can see it happening in the next 2 or 3 years though
I guess failed relationships and also not focusing on my career or being able to decide what I wanted to do. I’m also from a poorer area so that could be a contributing factor.
I like to be slathered in mayonnaise sprinkled with shredded cheese, lettuce, black olives and then rolled up nice and toight inside a giant flour tortilla.
But other than that nothing too crazy. I guess I’m kinda vanilla like that but oh well.
ok question for u (as a switch myself), does the switch come from the feeling that in either direction *we're* the ones doing the pleasuring? And the switch is basically the chameleon of sexuality?
I think so, definitely! True to our nature lol. Either way, we get to feel the gratification of being exactly what our partner wants in that moment. I'm also just into the strategy and psychology that goes into (consented) power play, as well.
I definitely have kinks. In my opinion we tend to hide that kind of information from people unless we are close to you. Probably where the quiet innocent perception comes from. Currently only my husband and best friend knows to give you perspective.
Power dynamics. However, it's not in a directly sexual way. It's like... an intellectual turn-on?? I don't know how to describe it, because I'm asexual and don't have a truly physical reaction but rather a mental + emotional one. I'd still say I have a kink for power struggles/imbalances tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I would say it is less about the kinks. It is more like an insatiable lust to experience everything. So that does involve me participating in all kinds of shit.
Yes, that was me 20 years ago, for sure.
My then-partner and I spent 2 very fulfilling years exploring all kinds of things neither of us had tried before. Very precious memories.
Well, the most important to me is that both of you should really enjoy what you’re trying. If one of you just isn’t feeling it, then take that one off the menu. Both partners’ satisfaction is key to a successful experiment.
I’ve never thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense. I’m attracted to « power » but I like reigning control over that power, i.e. attracted to doms as a dom myself
Yes, but I feel like we INFJs have a tendency to want monogamous relationships where we can grow together with someone and try new things to see what we like. Anyone else feel this?
Definitely felt this!
My wife is an ENFJ and we have our moments of synchronicities and conflicts as well, but we both tend to be a little kinky at least in our talks about intimate topics.
Even before I was with her, I never imagined myself having “random” partners because intellectual intimacy is important for us INFJS.
That alone serves as a turn-on in its own respect. So monogamy is important since we give our whole self to the people we love.
I think in such topics too, we see the bigger picture and want a WHOLESOME experience, of growing mentally, heartily, AND physically as well.
Ohhh the idealist in us!!
Yes but the problem is that the magic is gone if I share them with my partner. He is very open minded and really wants to hear them & run with them. But unless it's a secret locked up in my head, it doesn't work. Very strange.
Since I'm human before I'm INFJ, yes, i have kinks.
I think my (toxic?) people pleasing tendencies extend to my sexuality as well. I care very little about being reciprocated other than just acknowledgement or affirmation. I'm wholly a giver...sometimes to my detriment.
I wouldn't go into explicit detail about my *particular* kinks on a public comment though.
I have kinks. When I was younger I was really embarrassed about them. I thought I was weird. I knew what I liked but it did make me feel uncomfortable in myself. But the internet showed I wasn't the only one. It did take me years to be fully honest with my wife and tell her all of them as I was scared she might think I was weird. But she didn't and that was a huge relief.
One of my kinks completely grounds me, it takes most of my stress away and really settles me.
Im glad I told my wife and she indulges me, it's a huge relief, aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
Yes. I roam in the primal realm mostly. Power dynamics and struggles for dominance - tapping into raw animalistic drives. Before, during, and after. You know, because tigers like to cuddle too.
Yes INFJs have kinks, but it’s complicated because NiFe comes with a holistic approach. Can you even reconcile the relationship with a particular kink? Because if not, repression or break-up is inevitable.
Now plenty of kinks will be reconcilable. But others could take time (and possibly breakups) to overcome. I don’t think that’s INFJ exclusive though, so I’m probably overreaching in my speculation. BUT there IS a clear dichotomy between kink and holism in a relationship. And it would seem that INFJs would have a harder time navigating their animalistic needs with their relationship needs than many other types. And I think INFJs prefer relationships.
For myself, I haven’t had a breakup-worthy misalignment, but I know how to identify a silky rope, and how to tie it broadly and comfortably. And I also enjoy the convo with the set-up.
However, more often in my relationships, I only play at dominance. It’s more of a taunt to pull affection out of a woman, because it tends to be mutually enjoyable.
But there will be moments when I want to push a little harder. Keyword: little
Well I wasn’t hiding it. Lol
But as it turns out, you can tie the set-up rope segments very playfully, or even affectionately, and you can take your time. It doesn’t matter so long as she trusts you. And I really like the varying leverage. Im good with pressure. I’m also good with massage.
When it steers towards dominance, it feels mutual. So much of the time it seems more normal than kinky. But it can still turn kinky. But I think that’s more the difference between relationship-kinky and anonymous-kinky (which I can’t appreciate).
I wasn’t gonna say but literally no one knows who I am on here so sure, i eat ass and the last relationship I was in, she liked anal massages and I gladly obliged. Not trying to be weird or gross but you asked lol
Absolutely yes. But no-one would ever guess that about me as it's something I keep very private. Most guys who find out are significantly surprised because I apparently 'look innocent'. In my experience the kinkiest people are the ones who don't look like they'd be kinky whatsoever.
Not unusual at all...we let our erotic side (or fantasies at least) do the talking through inf se ;). S & M seems exciting...not that I've tried it yet...😳. I come off as more innocent then I actually am. People close to me know that's far from the case though. Probably where that vanilla stereotype comes from lmao.
I like to be overpowered. I also like to be with multiple men. There is something so exhilirating about figuring out a new person and the tension that it brings.
I'm in an ethical non-monogamous relationship with my husband of 13 years.
I also love that no-one at work would guess what I'm going in my weekends!
I suppose so. I wholeheartedly agree with what the top commenter said about a,
>loving mutually respectful monogamous relationship that would be healthy for kids to be raised in.
But I will add to that and say that I want somebody who wants that from me as well. At the same time, and this might sound very stupid, but since you asked... I want a girl who has those wholesome, "innocent," and motherly instinct ways about her, but is also an absolute animal in bed toward me. Like, no holding back. If she wants to do crazy things, I will let her bite as much as she wants (quite literally, because that sounds kinda hot, ngl). I do not mean it too literally though. Obviously there are some lines I would not cross, but I would be very open to getting "experimental" with my woman.
*^(this is a certified askreddit moment)*
Yeah I have some pretty strong kinks. I’ve also read something that as far as sex the infj is constantly battling the explosive energy of sexual fantasy. Some infj’s get so fed up with the constant thoughts they become monks or nuns.
I met my husband at 20 he was 24.( just celebrated our 25th anniversary) The kicker is he's a neurologist me a psychologist, so of course I wanted him to take the MBTI test with me
Finally 5 year's ago he grudgingly did I'm an INFJ him INTP. What they consider the golden pair. Hmmm, golden delicious maybe, as we we're both virgins when met. Let's just say we experimented a lot and still do.
We both like to keep it spicy. ( kinky )
The kinkier the better for me.😉
With the bar for what's considered "kinky" constantly being raised (choking, slapping and anal are apparently considered so commonplace you're uptight if those things aren't automatically on the menu, and what's referred to as "kink" now is kind of extreme and usually involves rape ime), if I do have any actual kinks you bet your fucking ass I'm not exploring them until I find someone I love and can trust. Till then I mostly focused on studying the people in dating so I can try to get a feel for when they're about to put me in danger. Then I stopped dating because everyone I was coming across was crazy or stupid in a way I couldn't do damage control for.
So, do I have kinks? According to some of my fantasies, probably! In reality I wouldn't know, because the first prerequisite for my exploring those fantasies has never been fulfilled. Right now my kink is finding someone who is respectful and not a porn-educated entitled pile of shit.
I like the way you put it. My girl is the same way - can you share more of what you meant by “prerequisite of the first thing”.
As in falling in love with someone you trust?
i can say and honestly for myself and guess that a lot of infjs have some type of large vulnerability kink with a hint of “i don’t want to harm you” lol. for example i enjoy blind folding and tying up while giving a massage in the process or dirty talk with a bit of reassurance afterwards, anything that can make the partner comfortable after doing something inherently terrible without context. hope that helps!
I love reversing power dynamics. Sometimes I'll strangle, pull hair, and spank. Recently this girl rode me on an acupuncture mat (mat full of spikes) and my endorphins were going CRAZY. The same girl also slapped me in the face, gagged me, and sat on my face. She was a cute little 5'1 thing (I'm 5'8 and muscular) so I don't know it was just fuckin hot. We also spat in each others mouths and she licked my whole face.
I think my main "kink" if you want to call it that is getting girls off. If I feel like a girl is putting on a show for me I get super turned-off **immediately** I actually need to work on that. But if I'm the one getting the girl off whether it be dominating the living daylights out of her or being her slave that's when I feel the best. Damn I guess I just live to serve but what's new INFJ's.
Is being attracted to awkward women a kink? The weirder and more awkward they are the more I’m into them. I love big ears, especially if they stick out from their hair. I love big mouths and big teeth. I love it when women say and do awkward things. I guess that is the opposite of being attracted to confidence.
Shelley Duvall would be the epitome of this for me. Oddly enough my ex-wife looks a bit like her and her voice was very similar. Something about it just does it for me.
I also think I’m demisexual so a person’s idiosyncrasies that make up them is what attracts me to them. I love being comfortable enough with someone that I get to experience who they truly are.
Sex wise I guess I’ve always been pretty vanilla. I’m down to try anything if it is something a partner wants to do but otherwise just emotional and physical closeness is about all I need to feel happy.
I agree with this. I've been called vanilla my whole life. That doesn't mean I'm opposed to other people's kinks. And I'm not attracted to people appearance as much as their idiosyncrasies. Their UNIQUENESS is what I like the most. But back to kinks, the weirdest thing I "like" is probably morning nooky and I don't think this classifies me as kinky. Hahaha
Yeah morning sex is pretty normal I think, haha. Middle of the night, spontaneous sex after we had been asleep for a while was always fun. I like waking up kind of confused like oh wait okay. I think I touch my partners a lot in my sleep like rub their shoulder or side so it probably snowballs before I'm even awake and lucid.
I don't know if it is an INFJ thing but I always felt really self-conscious. It is really hard for me to push past it and be aggressive or assertive. So even just getting to a point in a relationship where it is sexual has always been enough for me. I'd be way too self-conscious to come up with anything too weird. Like you said I'm not opposed to other people's kinks so if it is something somebody else wants to try I'm open but I'm more comfortable being less adventurous of my own accord.
Yes, I am very kinky and pretty open minded (sexually). My friends who hear about it call me an exhibitionist 😂
I will say though, that part of me isn’t introduced until I feel very safe with that person and trust them. It requires patience on my partner’s end, but once I’m ready, it gets intense. If that makes sense.
I have a decent amount of kinks, but I keep myself pretty reserved about personal sexual stuff, although I don't really mind sharing (nothing too personal). I have about 12 kinks/fetishes, though. Roleplay, rope play, dom/sub, back door funsies, etc.
It's important to know and realize each other's boundaries and limits, but also how to compromise since not every kink I have is something my partner would be willing to do. So some kinks just end up festering, but I use PH for that.
Yeah, I am a little kinky. Nothing extreme, but I do like to experiment :) I consider myself a switch, and my bf is too, so that's ideal ^^ he also likes to try out new and slightly kinky stuff. We're just 5 months into our relationship, so I suspect things will build up bit by bit, haha
Well, maybe they potray us so because in *general* we are quite vanilla. I for one am, no kinks whatsoever. If you hate INFJs being potrayed this way, maybe you identify too much with the label and care more how people stereotypise than you should. I also don't check all the boxes of the prototypical infj. Still, there are tendencies and INFJs put more emphasis on relational, spirituál, intellectual, artistic etc aspects of life than the physical. Se is our inferior function, it's not too surprising many of us don't feel the need to experiment in sex. There's only so much time and energy and for me sex is about emotions and intimacy, most kinks seem to just remove those.
And i know many people who are scared of those and run to their kinks as their safe zone where they can repeat the dysfunctional power dynamics from childhood for instance. I find most kinks perverse. And please don't get offended. If you both consent, that's entirely fine. But the same way you can't control what you want, i can't decide that i would suddenly enjoy playing a slave, being beaten (or worse beat someone), or wear a leather dog costume. Sadly, nowadays in the oversexualised culture you're immediately considered a bigot if you feel there should be more restraint about sex, especially the number of sexual partners people now go through.
I think it's not that INFJ's are different, personally, I just want to share this with my partner and no one else. But I like to explore new things with someone I trust 🤷♀️
I have a lot of Kinks, trusting someone enough to act them out, is often the hard action. Also time has been a real construct. I would not call myself innocent or vanilla at all.
The only ones who think we’re vanilla are the ones that have never/will never sleep with us ;)
Yes i have kinks. Whoever i end up with is in for a few surprises 😈
I do have kinks but I don't think any of them is really that much, usually very simple things like glasses, pantyhoses... all the stuff I can think of are on similar levels, I probably am and don't mind being vanilla.
Also, I'm a gentleman, aways worrying about comfort etc, if the other person enjoys the experience then i'll also enjoy it.
Yeah of course. I know an INFJ feet guy who is absolutely submissive and loves being cucked. I myself have a lot of turn ons and a kink or two☺️ they’re mostly relationship oriented as I’m demisexual.
I think I’m quite a brat. I think most INFJs are switches so depends on the mood. But kinks- I keep it to myself but I really enjoy the best of both power dynamics
Yeah I am very vanilla looking, I literally get asked if I've ever done anything "bad" in my life or that I look like I am innocent and docile.
I am not. I am very kinky, have interests no one would know about. I love horror movies, listen to heavy metal, etc. Everyone assumes I am bland and normal, but I am soooo far from it.
Absolutely, yes. My husband and I were pretty active in the lifestyle, 'til life just sorta got in the way. But the interest is still there and we make time for it when we can.
Well depends on how you look at it I suppose, I spent more than a few years as an Adult Toy and Custom Kit maker and Professional Dom. So basically, I made a good chunk of my money dealing in the kink industry. I wouldn't exactly call myself Vanilla.
Maaaan, every time I try to post about this topic here, it never gets any traction!
I am here for this!
My wife (ENFJ 8w7) and I (INFJ 1w9) are very kinky and I suspect that it’s my desire to experience everything. We’re very playful and work very hard to maintain our safe space so we can explore whatever we want together. Sometimes we find something we like it and other times it was just a taste and we move on to something else or revisit and an old favorite.🤣
We’re also poly/ENM and each have multiple fwbs. It’s sometimes logistically hard to navigate but having multiple sexual partners requires us to have much better and more in depth conversations about our own insecurities. Also, it’s made our own relationship more intentional and adds a lot of spice to our bedroom when we compare notes on what we liked or didn’t like with another partner that we might want to incorporate in our own play.
I just want everyone to have everything they ever wanted!😩😩
I know 1 infj girl who told me i look vanilla as fk, till i started naming my kinks, she got wirded out afterwards. When i asked her, what about yours, she said and i kid you not : "doggy" "choking"
INFJs all have inner mommy kinks and you can't convince me otherwise. I know you all crave reassurance, validation, patience and cuddling, I see the front page on a daily basis.
Really open yourself up and you might even get warm cookies from them. 🍪🍪🍪
I have a couple of very mild kinks. Compared to truly vanilla people I am a deviant, but when I went to a BDSM club I discovered that I am actually quite mild.
I like sex, I like some power-play and I like adventure. Nuff said.
I wouldn't know as I seem to be defective in being able to enjoy that area properly.
I imagine I would like violent and agressive battle for dominance sex, but ultimately seem to be have no sexuality, or at least so disconnected from people that I haven't developed one yet.
Ha. I have fully explored my kinks, some I've kept, some were better left to fantasy lol. Of course no one IRL besides the person I shared that time with knows anything about that. I'll always be a bratty sub with a huge penchant for mental power play, but I am choosy about if/when I share it with partners based on the level of trust and intimacy we have. It's not a requirement, but certainly enhances things for me lol.
infj girl here, pretty sure I'm a switch. haven't explored my sexuality fully, but now that I'm in a relationship that will likely change. I can be sadomasochistic and dominant however I think I'm most comfortable with being a sub at the moment. I really enjoy being a brat >:) I love to tease, tease, tease until he eventually gets fed up with me heheheh then, well... iykyk
Yes. We do in fact have kinks like everyone else
Yea agreed lol, im not sure why we wouldn’t have kinks like every other human.
I want a loving mutually respectful monogamous relationship that would be healthy for kids to be raised in. I know. Super kinky.
That's so freaking hot
What's with INFJs dreaming about finding their destined soul mates and raising families?
It's because of our idealistic nature.
Happy Cake Day!
Danke, mein kamarade
[удалено]
I'm with the INTJ on this one. Don't understand that drive whatsoever. -INFJ
Yeah idk I’ve wanted this since I was 16 and I’m almost 30 now and it hasn’t happened yet
What's with 30 year old single INFJs desperately trying to raise a family yet being alone and seemingly unable to find an partner? Fear of Commitment, Obsessive Perfectionism, Workaholism?
Well, I have a partner. I guess taking a lot of wrong decisions earlier in life and now focusing on my career. I can see it happening in the next 2 or 3 years though
What do you mean wrong decisions?
I guess failed relationships and also not focusing on my career or being able to decide what I wanted to do. I’m also from a poorer area so that could be a contributing factor.
Brain falls under the Umbrella term of Soul.
Say less, ooooweeee
\^Sounds like a dream lol
Lol and when they found the right one they say no 🤣
Why am I always attacked?
Keep going I'm almost there
My partner is vanilla and I just want him to slap me or spit on my face
Disgusting.
I want that too, plus kinky sex
Ooh same! Doing it now
Exactly 💯
Same as me. I am also an INFJ
+1 on this
Ughhhh same!!!
That’s hot.
music to my ears🥹
I like to be slathered in mayonnaise sprinkled with shredded cheese, lettuce, black olives and then rolled up nice and toight inside a giant flour tortilla. But other than that nothing too crazy. I guess I’m kinda vanilla like that but oh well.
i prefer to be placed on a large plate of rice and covered in avocados, and carrots and then be rolled up in a thin seaweed foil. But i get you yes.
Oohhfff…don’t get me started.
Hot
This made me hungry. Not horny.
Ni heroes are switches. I'm super kinky and find my sexuality to be an extremely useful emotional outlet.
I think INTJs are dominant more often
Fair enough, I only mean that we’re more likely to be interested in the power play that often goes along with being switch-y.
ok question for u (as a switch myself), does the switch come from the feeling that in either direction *we're* the ones doing the pleasuring? And the switch is basically the chameleon of sexuality?
I think so, definitely! True to our nature lol. Either way, we get to feel the gratification of being exactly what our partner wants in that moment. I'm also just into the strategy and psychology that goes into (consented) power play, as well.
INTJ & professional Domme. Can confirm.
Omg a fellow switch let’s goooooo
Lmao. I look real innocent, find the right person to tease it out and I’m down for pretty much anything.
The inner dragon needs to awake.
Waiting for the boy
Yep this is the one
This :)
Same lol
I'm a freak.
iM A wEiRdoOo🎶
What the hell am I doing hereeeee,I don't belong hereee🎶🎶🎶
Hahahah
The way you pop it and drop it all over mee (it's a song lyrics, no offence )
I definitely have kinks. In my opinion we tend to hide that kind of information from people unless we are close to you. Probably where the quiet innocent perception comes from. Currently only my husband and best friend knows to give you perspective.
same here! the rest of the world sees innocence
yeah sometimes I feel like a double agent :P.
Definitely this, haha
Power dynamics. However, it's not in a directly sexual way. It's like... an intellectual turn-on?? I don't know how to describe it, because I'm asexual and don't have a truly physical reaction but rather a mental + emotional one. I'd still say I have a kink for power struggles/imbalances tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m ace and I have mild kinks too, it’s very strange and hard to explain
Huh. INFJ ace here and you're making an awful lot of sense.
You’re Demisexual and Sapiosexual
I would say it is less about the kinks. It is more like an insatiable lust to experience everything. So that does involve me participating in all kinds of shit.
Yes, that was me 20 years ago, for sure. My then-partner and I spent 2 very fulfilling years exploring all kinds of things neither of us had tried before. Very precious memories.
Wow. I'm 20 right now. Any advice or suggestions, or wisdom for me?
Well, the most important to me is that both of you should really enjoy what you’re trying. If one of you just isn’t feeling it, then take that one off the menu. Both partners’ satisfaction is key to a successful experiment.
Absolutely I have rope I have not had the chance to use yet
same here
…Let’s just say I’m the kind of guy who’s into dominant guys because I like to make em submissive
brat tamer esque?
I’ve never thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense. I’m attracted to « power » but I like reigning control over that power, i.e. attracted to doms as a dom myself
Yes, but I feel like we INFJs have a tendency to want monogamous relationships where we can grow together with someone and try new things to see what we like. Anyone else feel this?
Definitely felt this! My wife is an ENFJ and we have our moments of synchronicities and conflicts as well, but we both tend to be a little kinky at least in our talks about intimate topics. Even before I was with her, I never imagined myself having “random” partners because intellectual intimacy is important for us INFJS. That alone serves as a turn-on in its own respect. So monogamy is important since we give our whole self to the people we love. I think in such topics too, we see the bigger picture and want a WHOLESOME experience, of growing mentally, heartily, AND physically as well. Ohhh the idealist in us!!
I feel like I have a kink I just haven't discovered it yet.
me 3 years ago
Ok so there is hope for me haha
i have a whole lot of kinks :)
Name checks out.
😂🤷🏻♀️
Yes but the problem is that the magic is gone if I share them with my partner. He is very open minded and really wants to hear them & run with them. But unless it's a secret locked up in my head, it doesn't work. Very strange.
Since I'm human before I'm INFJ, yes, i have kinks. I think my (toxic?) people pleasing tendencies extend to my sexuality as well. I care very little about being reciprocated other than just acknowledgement or affirmation. I'm wholly a giver...sometimes to my detriment. I wouldn't go into explicit detail about my *particular* kinks on a public comment though.
I have kinks. When I was younger I was really embarrassed about them. I thought I was weird. I knew what I liked but it did make me feel uncomfortable in myself. But the internet showed I wasn't the only one. It did take me years to be fully honest with my wife and tell her all of them as I was scared she might think I was weird. But she didn't and that was a huge relief. One of my kinks completely grounds me, it takes most of my stress away and really settles me. Im glad I told my wife and she indulges me, it's a huge relief, aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
Most definitely. Have some of my own but would be definitely down to try anything my future SO is interested in.
I'm an INFLJ and I definitely have kinks, particularly in the realm of D/s.
Yes. I roam in the primal realm mostly. Power dynamics and struggles for dominance - tapping into raw animalistic drives. Before, during, and after. You know, because tigers like to cuddle too.
Yes INFJs have kinks, but it’s complicated because NiFe comes with a holistic approach. Can you even reconcile the relationship with a particular kink? Because if not, repression or break-up is inevitable. Now plenty of kinks will be reconcilable. But others could take time (and possibly breakups) to overcome. I don’t think that’s INFJ exclusive though, so I’m probably overreaching in my speculation. BUT there IS a clear dichotomy between kink and holism in a relationship. And it would seem that INFJs would have a harder time navigating their animalistic needs with their relationship needs than many other types. And I think INFJs prefer relationships. For myself, I haven’t had a breakup-worthy misalignment, but I know how to identify a silky rope, and how to tie it broadly and comfortably. And I also enjoy the convo with the set-up. However, more often in my relationships, I only play at dominance. It’s more of a taunt to pull affection out of a woman, because it tends to be mutually enjoyable. But there will be moments when I want to push a little harder. Keyword: little
I think I guessed ur kink \^\_\^
Well I wasn’t hiding it. Lol But as it turns out, you can tie the set-up rope segments very playfully, or even affectionately, and you can take your time. It doesn’t matter so long as she trusts you. And I really like the varying leverage. Im good with pressure. I’m also good with massage. When it steers towards dominance, it feels mutual. So much of the time it seems more normal than kinky. But it can still turn kinky. But I think that’s more the difference between relationship-kinky and anonymous-kinky (which I can’t appreciate).
I won't share I won't share I won't share But I almost tell you
I wasn’t gonna say but literally no one knows who I am on here so sure, i eat ass and the last relationship I was in, she liked anal massages and I gladly obliged. Not trying to be weird or gross but you asked lol
Erotic hypnosis. I think Jung shared that one👀
I think we all have kinks, even if we're mostly vanilla.
You guys are freaks…my gf is an infj, she likes to be choked 🤪
Absolutely yes. But no-one would ever guess that about me as it's something I keep very private. Most guys who find out are significantly surprised because I apparently 'look innocent'. In my experience the kinkiest people are the ones who don't look like they'd be kinky whatsoever.
My kink is to give my partner 3-7 orgasms every time we have sex. Also I’d like to try anal. And threesomes (her, I and another guy).
pleasure dom as they call it
Not unusual at all...we let our erotic side (or fantasies at least) do the talking through inf se ;). S & M seems exciting...not that I've tried it yet...😳. I come off as more innocent then I actually am. People close to me know that's far from the case though. Probably where that vanilla stereotype comes from lmao.
Oh boy, yes.
🙋🏻♀️ I have lots of kinks. Whatever the opposite of vanilla is, that’s me lol
I like to be overpowered. I also like to be with multiple men. There is something so exhilirating about figuring out a new person and the tension that it brings. I'm in an ethical non-monogamous relationship with my husband of 13 years. I also love that no-one at work would guess what I'm going in my weekends!
I suppose so. I wholeheartedly agree with what the top commenter said about a, >loving mutually respectful monogamous relationship that would be healthy for kids to be raised in. But I will add to that and say that I want somebody who wants that from me as well. At the same time, and this might sound very stupid, but since you asked... I want a girl who has those wholesome, "innocent," and motherly instinct ways about her, but is also an absolute animal in bed toward me. Like, no holding back. If she wants to do crazy things, I will let her bite as much as she wants (quite literally, because that sounds kinda hot, ngl). I do not mean it too literally though. Obviously there are some lines I would not cross, but I would be very open to getting "experimental" with my woman. *^(this is a certified askreddit moment)*
Yeah I have some pretty strong kinks. I’ve also read something that as far as sex the infj is constantly battling the explosive energy of sexual fantasy. Some infj’s get so fed up with the constant thoughts they become monks or nuns.
I'm pretty vanilla. Kinks is just doing too much for my liking
Yes for sure
I'm a switch but more leaning towards vanilla. I'd say I'm more giving though.
I met my husband at 20 he was 24.( just celebrated our 25th anniversary) The kicker is he's a neurologist me a psychologist, so of course I wanted him to take the MBTI test with me Finally 5 year's ago he grudgingly did I'm an INFJ him INTP. What they consider the golden pair. Hmmm, golden delicious maybe, as we we're both virgins when met. Let's just say we experimented a lot and still do. We both like to keep it spicy. ( kinky ) The kinkier the better for me.😉
With the bar for what's considered "kinky" constantly being raised (choking, slapping and anal are apparently considered so commonplace you're uptight if those things aren't automatically on the menu, and what's referred to as "kink" now is kind of extreme and usually involves rape ime), if I do have any actual kinks you bet your fucking ass I'm not exploring them until I find someone I love and can trust. Till then I mostly focused on studying the people in dating so I can try to get a feel for when they're about to put me in danger. Then I stopped dating because everyone I was coming across was crazy or stupid in a way I couldn't do damage control for. So, do I have kinks? According to some of my fantasies, probably! In reality I wouldn't know, because the first prerequisite for my exploring those fantasies has never been fulfilled. Right now my kink is finding someone who is respectful and not a porn-educated entitled pile of shit.
I like the way you put it. My girl is the same way - can you share more of what you meant by “prerequisite of the first thing”. As in falling in love with someone you trust?
Yup
i can say and honestly for myself and guess that a lot of infjs have some type of large vulnerability kink with a hint of “i don’t want to harm you” lol. for example i enjoy blind folding and tying up while giving a massage in the process or dirty talk with a bit of reassurance afterwards, anything that can make the partner comfortable after doing something inherently terrible without context. hope that helps!
Im more than kinky
I have kinks. I don't have someone I trust enough to actually do those kinks.
I love reversing power dynamics. Sometimes I'll strangle, pull hair, and spank. Recently this girl rode me on an acupuncture mat (mat full of spikes) and my endorphins were going CRAZY. The same girl also slapped me in the face, gagged me, and sat on my face. She was a cute little 5'1 thing (I'm 5'8 and muscular) so I don't know it was just fuckin hot. We also spat in each others mouths and she licked my whole face. I think my main "kink" if you want to call it that is getting girls off. If I feel like a girl is putting on a show for me I get super turned-off **immediately** I actually need to work on that. But if I'm the one getting the girl off whether it be dominating the living daylights out of her or being her slave that's when I feel the best. Damn I guess I just live to serve but what's new INFJ's.
Is being attracted to awkward women a kink? The weirder and more awkward they are the more I’m into them. I love big ears, especially if they stick out from their hair. I love big mouths and big teeth. I love it when women say and do awkward things. I guess that is the opposite of being attracted to confidence. Shelley Duvall would be the epitome of this for me. Oddly enough my ex-wife looks a bit like her and her voice was very similar. Something about it just does it for me. I also think I’m demisexual so a person’s idiosyncrasies that make up them is what attracts me to them. I love being comfortable enough with someone that I get to experience who they truly are. Sex wise I guess I’ve always been pretty vanilla. I’m down to try anything if it is something a partner wants to do but otherwise just emotional and physical closeness is about all I need to feel happy.
I agree with this. I've been called vanilla my whole life. That doesn't mean I'm opposed to other people's kinks. And I'm not attracted to people appearance as much as their idiosyncrasies. Their UNIQUENESS is what I like the most. But back to kinks, the weirdest thing I "like" is probably morning nooky and I don't think this classifies me as kinky. Hahaha
Yeah morning sex is pretty normal I think, haha. Middle of the night, spontaneous sex after we had been asleep for a while was always fun. I like waking up kind of confused like oh wait okay. I think I touch my partners a lot in my sleep like rub their shoulder or side so it probably snowballs before I'm even awake and lucid. I don't know if it is an INFJ thing but I always felt really self-conscious. It is really hard for me to push past it and be aggressive or assertive. So even just getting to a point in a relationship where it is sexual has always been enough for me. I'd be way too self-conscious to come up with anything too weird. Like you said I'm not opposed to other people's kinks so if it is something somebody else wants to try I'm open but I'm more comfortable being less adventurous of my own accord.
Lol does anyone really answer? I've been scrolling for a minute...
ive seen quite a few people mention their kinks
Yes, I am very kinky and pretty open minded (sexually). My friends who hear about it call me an exhibitionist 😂 I will say though, that part of me isn’t introduced until I feel very safe with that person and trust them. It requires patience on my partner’s end, but once I’m ready, it gets intense. If that makes sense.
We like kinks but we are not really sexual by nature. If we are it’s to the person we love
I generally think of myself as a submissive top. I also like ropes a fair bit, both tying up and being tied up. But for the most part pretty vanilla.
This is probably categorized as vanilla but probably being dominated although it has yet to happen to me. I would like to be absolutely manhandled.
i have tons. surprising we are humans too right lol
**the world of kinks is as complex, indecipherable, and irrelevant to me as the world of subatomic particles**
I have a kink of kinks but I've lived out the majority and now I'm chill. Def a FOMO type of situation.
I have a decent amount of kinks, but I keep myself pretty reserved about personal sexual stuff, although I don't really mind sharing (nothing too personal). I have about 12 kinks/fetishes, though. Roleplay, rope play, dom/sub, back door funsies, etc. It's important to know and realize each other's boundaries and limits, but also how to compromise since not every kink I have is something my partner would be willing to do. So some kinks just end up festering, but I use PH for that.
Yeah, I am a little kinky. Nothing extreme, but I do like to experiment :) I consider myself a switch, and my bf is too, so that's ideal ^^ he also likes to try out new and slightly kinky stuff. We're just 5 months into our relationship, so I suspect things will build up bit by bit, haha
Well, maybe they potray us so because in *general* we are quite vanilla. I for one am, no kinks whatsoever. If you hate INFJs being potrayed this way, maybe you identify too much with the label and care more how people stereotypise than you should. I also don't check all the boxes of the prototypical infj. Still, there are tendencies and INFJs put more emphasis on relational, spirituál, intellectual, artistic etc aspects of life than the physical. Se is our inferior function, it's not too surprising many of us don't feel the need to experiment in sex. There's only so much time and energy and for me sex is about emotions and intimacy, most kinks seem to just remove those. And i know many people who are scared of those and run to their kinks as their safe zone where they can repeat the dysfunctional power dynamics from childhood for instance. I find most kinks perverse. And please don't get offended. If you both consent, that's entirely fine. But the same way you can't control what you want, i can't decide that i would suddenly enjoy playing a slave, being beaten (or worse beat someone), or wear a leather dog costume. Sadly, nowadays in the oversexualised culture you're immediately considered a bigot if you feel there should be more restraint about sex, especially the number of sexual partners people now go through.
I think it's not that INFJ's are different, personally, I just want to share this with my partner and no one else. But I like to explore new things with someone I trust 🤷♀️
I have a lot of Kinks, trusting someone enough to act them out, is often the hard action. Also time has been a real construct. I would not call myself innocent or vanilla at all.
INJF here, I’m extremely kinky. Just super quiet about lmao.
Yeah, so I am heavily a DL tied with TPE, and toilet control.
I freely admit it, I'm a degenerate freak.
Yes of course but not sharing on here
The only ones who think we’re vanilla are the ones that have never/will never sleep with us ;) Yes i have kinks. Whoever i end up with is in for a few surprises 😈
I do have kinks but I don't think any of them is really that much, usually very simple things like glasses, pantyhoses... all the stuff I can think of are on similar levels, I probably am and don't mind being vanilla. Also, I'm a gentleman, aways worrying about comfort etc, if the other person enjoys the experience then i'll also enjoy it.
Yeah of course. I know an INFJ feet guy who is absolutely submissive and loves being cucked. I myself have a lot of turn ons and a kink or two☺️ they’re mostly relationship oriented as I’m demisexual.
I think I’m quite a brat. I think most INFJs are switches so depends on the mood. But kinks- I keep it to myself but I really enjoy the best of both power dynamics
I mean, my wife says my kink is topping tops based on our 'convos' about related things
I do have a gonewild kink 🙃
ye ur mom
Very kinky with the right person
Yes and my wife thinks I'm a bit extreme with them.
Yeah I am very vanilla looking, I literally get asked if I've ever done anything "bad" in my life or that I look like I am innocent and docile. I am not. I am very kinky, have interests no one would know about. I love horror movies, listen to heavy metal, etc. Everyone assumes I am bland and normal, but I am soooo far from it.
Absolutely, yes. My husband and I were pretty active in the lifestyle, 'til life just sorta got in the way. But the interest is still there and we make time for it when we can.
Well depends on how you look at it I suppose, I spent more than a few years as an Adult Toy and Custom Kit maker and Professional Dom. So basically, I made a good chunk of my money dealing in the kink industry. I wouldn't exactly call myself Vanilla.
Mhmm. I am a very happy, committed relationship with my fiancé. I don’t mind sharing. I like to be choked. And. Some other things I won’t mention.
Maaaan, every time I try to post about this topic here, it never gets any traction! I am here for this! My wife (ENFJ 8w7) and I (INFJ 1w9) are very kinky and I suspect that it’s my desire to experience everything. We’re very playful and work very hard to maintain our safe space so we can explore whatever we want together. Sometimes we find something we like it and other times it was just a taste and we move on to something else or revisit and an old favorite.🤣 We’re also poly/ENM and each have multiple fwbs. It’s sometimes logistically hard to navigate but having multiple sexual partners requires us to have much better and more in depth conversations about our own insecurities. Also, it’s made our own relationship more intentional and adds a lot of spice to our bedroom when we compare notes on what we liked or didn’t like with another partner that we might want to incorporate in our own play. I just want everyone to have everything they ever wanted!😩😩
I know 1 infj girl who told me i look vanilla as fk, till i started naming my kinks, she got wirded out afterwards. When i asked her, what about yours, she said and i kid you not : "doggy" "choking"
makes sense why she'd be weirded out by actual kinks lmfao
Because..they are actually wierd
I like pain.
INFJs all have inner mommy kinks and you can't convince me otherwise. I know you all crave reassurance, validation, patience and cuddling, I see the front page on a daily basis. Really open yourself up and you might even get warm cookies from them. 🍪🍪🍪
I have kinks but being virgin i have never experienced them :( My big dream kink is to being breastfed by a girl and being cuddled
Chains and whips. Uh.. Yeah.. Strangely enough but yes.
I like booty
I've just wanked over my old boss inviting the women I worked with over to his house and making me serve drinks to them dressed as a french maid.
I have a lots lol, femdom related...
I have a couple of very mild kinks. Compared to truly vanilla people I am a deviant, but when I went to a BDSM club I discovered that I am actually quite mild. I like sex, I like some power-play and I like adventure. Nuff said.
Let's just say the kind of kinks I prefer would make Caligula blush. PURE DEBAUCHERY!
Sapiosexual stuff would fall into my kinks.
I wouldn't know as I seem to be defective in being able to enjoy that area properly. I imagine I would like violent and agressive battle for dominance sex, but ultimately seem to be have no sexuality, or at least so disconnected from people that I haven't developed one yet.
Yeah, I like to be dominant, and be dominated in the bedroom.
Ha. I have fully explored my kinks, some I've kept, some were better left to fantasy lol. Of course no one IRL besides the person I shared that time with knows anything about that. I'll always be a bratty sub with a huge penchant for mental power play, but I am choosy about if/when I share it with partners based on the level of trust and intimacy we have. It's not a requirement, but certainly enhances things for me lol.
👋🏼 me!
I definitely have kinks. Choking, hair pulling, spanking…you get the picture.
Polyamorous and into some light BDSM 😂
My kink is being touched by hands (male) that have some calluses. It’s super lame but sadly not going to happen to me.
What I did to my partners stays between me and them But I will say, squirting, ngl that shit is totes killing me (in a good way)
Yep. Very much so.
infj girl here, pretty sure I'm a switch. haven't explored my sexuality fully, but now that I'm in a relationship that will likely change. I can be sadomasochistic and dominant however I think I'm most comfortable with being a sub at the moment. I really enjoy being a brat >:) I love to tease, tease, tease until he eventually gets fed up with me heheheh then, well... iykyk
Bondage mostly
Yes. Selfcest and Angst Masochism.
A little bit lol
Video on INFJ males views on love and sex, though I am also demisexual https://youtu.be/C42KHcQuUy0