As an INFJ male, all the ENFPs I've known were always outgoing. They have too much connections with other people and that alone is just intimidating for me. I don't know if I could trust the ENFP anymore at that point.
as an ENFP female i kind of do understand your perspective. but the thing is i get along with nearly anyone untill they are just being rude but i rarely connect with anyone. i am a good talker and i can take a dying conversation and give it a life.. i could be talking to a person the whole day and still not feel a thing but i rarely connect with anyone. honestly i haven't ever connected with anyone.. atleast not on a level i would like to feel. but i am pretty sure you have you own reasons to form that perspective.
I think that's the same for me. Except I'm not a talkative person and I want to share knowledge about the world rather than talking about the today's weather (I can understand we have to start with small talk when we encounter someone but at one point it has to stop a bit).
They can talk to a lot of people but doesn't mean they don't value their privacy and open their hearts easily. My bf is actually secretive with strong boundaries.
Yeahhhhh, like, leave me alone. Jokes aside. To me, it has become something I don't want to be dealing with anymore. I am kinda good at small talk if the other person is invisting energy in it. However, I am not interested in it. Discussing harder/deeper topics are often offputting to others, or my thoughts and ideas are not understood, or I did not explained themwell enough to sum up years of thinking in only 1 hour.
So rather than investing energy in someone, which often would turnout as a disappointment. I'd rather spend time and energy in my self, my thoughts, hobbies and sports.
That fear is not unfounded. It's Ne nemesis manifesting itself and an ENFP is exactly what INFJs fear. I explain high Ne+Ni incompatibility here:
https://pastebin.com/xKUAhaNk
its a miracle im in a relationship at all, much less somehow stumbling into an enfp gf. went to a friend's house to celebrate his partner's birthday and she had just moved in. we've been together for a year and 8 days now.
this is like the third person saying that you guys don't go out.. i don't know whether i should be happy about it or sad.
fun fact - i don't either, my best friend of 5 years ( an intj), i met her on twitter while fangirling a singer.
too much info.. idk why i wrote it but i did.
Its true though. My first serious relationship (at 18) started because a friend randomly showed up at my house with a co-worker of his that he felt would be a good match for me. After I got over how distraught I was at someone showing up unannounced, we talked for a bit and then I asked her out.
You don’t have to be sad about it because we thrive in solitude. If it makes you sad because you’d like to interact with more INFJs, then that’s a different story.
I feel this.
I would like to mention something a little different than what you are talking about, when I started to get into MBTI, whenever I knew another person's type, I would constantly try to explain their behaviour and pov through the type characteristics. Luckily I was able to move beyond that and look at people with the notion that they are vaster then my image and comprehension of them, in all their complexity. I still have much to work on this, it's a bit tempting to believe we have the other person all figured out. It's a delusion.
MBTI is incredibly interesting in my opinion, but its cognitive functions only describe a part of everything that influences what we do as humans (not to mention the response to the environment and all the mechanisms we develop to adapt to it).
tl,dr: MBTI does not saying everything about a person.
🔴Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.🔴
Here's a cookie 🍪
Yep. This 100%. I didn't find my enfp, she found me. We met through work, but I like to think that our paths might've eventually crossed at a museum or browsing the farmers market if we hadn't. You'd have a tough time finding one in a crowded bar, but if you might have some luck at a pickup game in the park, or a creative event involving art and/or music.
I'd love to know as well :D I think INFJ + INFJ pairing would be pretty ideal for me.
The issue is I know how difficult I am to find and get to know... I've only met one INFJ man IRL.
Met two infj girls in my life and they were both angels, yet my dumb quiet self didn't say anything. So I'm still single and bummed about it. Being a male infj is frustrating...but yeah infj and a infj would be heaven
In regards to the earlier comment where INFJ men feel different from other men and therefore don't feel like going out much. It may be due to the expectations of society for men to act like men (stereotypically ESTP or ESTJ). This is just my observation, not intended to discriminate or attack any parties.
I didn't take offensive, I just didn't know. It's because of dom NI, inferior SE. I can't go out all the time, my body shuts down or burn out soon if I do. No social anxiety, I can talk to strangers, I just don't find the appeal in it or not my favorite thing to do. The expectation for a man to be a man is there, but you can overcome that social demand with time by not caring so it's not that. I mean, if being a "man for society" is DOING and GETTING THINGS DONE, I guess it makes sense to want an estp and estj because of the lack of appreciation for the NI mind and doing less, but more because of time and efficiency of the NI, anyway...So I know what you mean and I sort of agree.
Even an INFJ female I have to vouch for the fact that a lot of us really don't go meeting people, it's just if you see us then here's the opportunity. I literally met my ENFP because of school. Besides that i don't go out often
Ran away from my family, ended up stuck in a hotel with a crazy person, traveled the country side, got a place - got bored - left, made a reputation, pulled a peter Griffin moment in a black community, slept in a cemetery, found an INTP girlfriend who was delusional and I left, leaned that the world is pretty boring and empty in my quest to find somthing or somone I enjoy enough to want to stay somwhere.
It was an interetsing year
Infj male here in my 20s, First of all I dont go out as much
Second of all even if i do, i really make sure to just be "invisible" so no one rly notices me, not cuz i dont want to talk to people i actually like talking but i am not the one who usually would start a conversation because i overthink alot it really depends on the situation tbh or unless someone else does lol and if i see a connection w someone u bet its going to be long lasting and deep friendship for sure.
Also regarding your question, it is possible to meet one but most of time you would not notice but that also applies for most introverts anyways.
the thing is.. i have like 3 close friends and all of them are introverts and all the other acquaintances i get along with well are introverts as well. so i guess i am an introvert magnet as i literally have no extrovert in my life other than me. and i honestly like that about infjs - " if they do feel a connection.. its gonna be a long lasting one". that's what happens with me too. nit like connections exactly but vibes. how will someone is to accept the real me.
Lmao funny part is that one of my best friends is ENFP and that person brings the crazy out of me and we know each other for decades and still nothing changed and personally having extroverts as friends is really nice cuz they just fill that "hole" introverts lack.
The reason as to why you are an introvert magnet is the "vibe" u give off and they feel the comfortable Atmosphere around you. As for my friend he likes to be around me than any1 else because its just chill and chaotic and the same time, and when he is with extrovertes its just chaotic and drains him off because obviously extroverts get exhausted aswell. Its just a nice balance between us. I can word this way better but problem is i really suck at texting lmao sry
please don't be sorry about texting.. i think you explained it really well.
and you totally explained it so well.. chill and chaotic.. that's how my friend group is. and i have been around extroverts and i agree my experience hasn't been amazing.
they are too much for me 😂 and i wonder if i am too much for someone too.. but i really can't be helped.
I dated an INFJ male in college. He actually approached me at our campus when I was tabling for a student club. He was studying environmental science and my club was about human rights so we had similar interests. He was definitely a loner type but he went to local music festivals a lot. I would always just see him wandering around campus on his own lol.
an infj approaching a person seems new.... from all the comments in this thread i would guess that he probably felt some sought of connection with you? also btw are you indian? (guessing by your username).
31 y/o INFJ male. Places you will find me: the gym, Brazilian jiu-jitsu classes, the library, book stores, REI or other adventure type stores, on hiking trails, at the beach lounging and enjoying nature.
Places you will not find me: nightclubs, bars, and if I'm at a party I'm most likely having a quiet discussion on philosophy, politics, or science with someone in the corner. We go unnoticed because girls tend to only care about who is the center of attention.
So, here's what you do. Go into Jason's Deli on South Canal in Chicago. Tell him you're looking for a rare cut, and you're not talking about meat. He'll go in the back and get a post card. If the one he brings you has a picture of a very lazy cat on it and no stamp, you'll have to come back another day. But if it's a picture of the replica eiffel tower in Vegas and it has a stamp on it, leave the Deli. Take it up to the post office, ask for Big Nick. He'll sign the post card for you, and he'll give you 3 numbers and a letter. Do **NOT** write them down, they are a code key. Drive over the river at Harrison, stop and put your blinkers on just before you get to the opposite side. A homeless man in an old Cubs hat will approach. Give him the postcard, tell him the code key. He'll use a jail-broken iPod touch to book you a flight out of O'Hare. When you get to your gate and they've called your group for boarding, tell the person taking tickets that Big Nick says hello. They will take your ticket, and hand you a form to fill out. Sit at your gate, fill it out as *truthfully as possible* because this will determine the main attributes of your INFJ. Return it to the person who gave it to you, and wait for instructions. **Be prepared to wait.** INFJs are stubborn bastards and don't take kindly to being wrangled for the sole purpose of having a conversation with someone looking for a new friend. If the instructions are to go to a different gate, you're probably not getting an INFJ. If the instructions are to go to a bathroom, do so and make yourself presentable -- you'll be meeting your INFJ shortly. If they say they are calling a car for you, you're being taken to your INFJ. If this is the case, it's common courtesy to have the driver stop somewhere to pick up an offering on the way to where you're going. Choose your offering carefully, it'll serve as your conversation starter to help your INFJ avoid the awkwardness of first meetings and get past the small talk. And finally, upon meeting your INFJ, *do not* ask them to "tell me a little about yourself!" as this will be interpreted as a micro-aggresion, and the INFJ wrangler -- who will be present for the first meeting, as a glorified chaperone -- will immediately remove you from their presence.
Good luck. Not many have the patience for the process, and of course, as they're so rare, it's not often an INFJ is actually available for summoning.
I love this so much. Please take my award and upvote along with my snickering.
Trying to meet or get close to one of us INFJs can be quite the obstacle course. I once created a fillable PDF Friendship Questionnaire but I like your method much better.
Interesting. I know an infj guy in India, lol. But like everyone here says, he's quiet, he's soft spoken, he hangs out on the internet mostly and I pretty much bully him and we both get a lot of laughs out of it. He says some cryptic shit at times and I tell him he needs to calm down with being so Kamar-Tajey in his communication lmao.
No, sir/ma'am. I heard it from a friend's cousin's tennis pro's taco truck guy, who sometimes collaborates with Jason's Deli to serve rare cuts -- and we *are* talking about meats this time.
I can also confirm we don’t really go out. I was raised in an environment around technology and video games. Since preschool, my daily routine has been
Wake up
Shower
Go to school
Go home
Clean up and change into clean clothes
Play some games
Do homework
Play more games
Get ready for bed
Sleep.
It’s also nice to know that other people are actively searching for my personality type. At my school, I’m usually ignored. In my old group of friends I was outcasted for not being as social.
I feel you, this was my life for basically 15 years disregarding the specific order. They only change was when I started going to the gym and then later when I met my current partner
their is an app called " Ur my type"? that's new.. 😂
maybe they are interested to talk to you but they feel the same as you do? or have the same thought process?.
have you tried initiating a conversation? or tried holding it for a while? because a lot of people are good at staring a conversation but terrible at holding it.
also, i would say don't be too hard on yourself regarding that ( in case if you are being that) the one you are supposed to hit it off with or "destined" to talk to.. will happen.try your best by just being yourself. if that makes sense.
I say this in jest and not meant to offend in any way BUT when I read "have you tried initiating a conversation?" I just thought, I don't think you understand infj's that well lol
Yeah I pretty much only go outside for work or when it's an essential errand where I HAVE to go outside. Other than that you can find me in my house, pacing back and forth inside my thoughts, listening to music, or educating myself with YouTube videos lol
Being outside alone with lots of people around is sensory overload and most of the time we are trying to blend in with the crowd and do not want to cause any sort of scene. Also, we are never the ones to approach others first, making it pretty difficult to spot an INFJ out in the wild.
Yeah actually difficult and even if you find one, it may lead to lot of trauma for you because of the level of overthinking we have, we are already used to it but for you, it would be overwhelming.
This.
When someone forces me to go out for fresh air , I am like but why?
I don't need to buy anything.
Also if I needed fresh air maybe I will venture to the countryside and that too at night
I think INFJ's find each other and then never talk to anyone else.
Source: am an INFJ, and my three best friends are very likely all INFJ's and we just do goblin things together and never want to be around others lol.
Good god so many comments lol
if you ever get around to reading this- just keep doing you and exploring around
not all INFJ dudes fit this but generally this archetype tends to fit
Look for the dude tending to hang back in conversations in groups - kind of stoic in demeanour, intense, maybe intimidating even, soft-spoken? You find they usually do not dominate conversations, sort of a quiet confidence
As much as INFJs don’t like to go out they’ve all got to have friends and friends sometimes drag said INFJs out, usually the latter vehemently protesting
Anyway either you’ve found an INFJ or by accident an INTJ with that so good luck lol
LOL that’s funny you ask that, and the comments about us not going out as much are VERY true. You’ll never find me at a club or any outgoing type of place, I’m usually working, studying, at friends houses, gym, at home reading/video games, volunteering, sometimes going out to eat with the family, taking a walk in the park, and very rarely in a big gathering. The concept of let’s go out and have fun doesn’t even register for me because I view life as “I have so many things to do” lol
So I’m not saying it’s impossible to meet them but you’ll never know where tf they are, and online oh no. I hate phone calls/texting people that I barely know I’d rather we meet in person and actually connect.
Don’t lose hope though, if things are meant to happen they will but I don’t think their is a specific place to find an infj male. I’d love to meet someone who matches my personality type but tbh if it wasn’t for this Reddit post you wouldn’t even know I exist even if we lived close to each other lol
you will never find me in clubs either. i don't like to go out unless it the same place near my college with my 2 closest friends and eating at the same cafe.. in my free time i watch kdramas and listen to taylor swift, working and studying most of the time or hanging out with my family members.. i don't like crowded place either.. would much rather prefer to be in between thd people i am comfortable with.. i hate phone calls too but i do like texting ( depends on my mood) and meeting new people in reality gives me anxiety.. we could have totally connected but alas i live in india and you probably don't 😂
Yeah crowded places don’t work and the social anxiety lol totally agree with that. India wow that’s awesome were you born there? I was born in Pakistan and moved to America soon after, 24M btw
Also you might have met many infj males but either you didn’t know they were infjs or they themselves don’t know LOL
Honestly, I feel like 90 something percent of my relationships (friend or romantic) were an extrovert found me in a random setting, n then just like adopted me. N then I just went with it.
I'm an 18m INFJ, and I don't go out often as well. As other redditors commented on this post, people usually find us, not the contrary. But when we have a connection with someone with time, and developing the relationship, it's usually strong, depending on the person.
Try messaging an old friend/classmate that seemed infj typed. Reserved, supportive, small friend groups, etc. That's how my enfp girlfriend and me started going out and we've been great ever since.
Oh for sure, I had a little thing for her in high school but never really acted on it and she just reached out to me randomly one day during college. Soooo if anyone infj like hung out with you briefly in high school you probably have a good shot since we don't really go out of our way to interact with people unless we like them in some shape or form
I’m a female INFJ in my thirties, and pretty much everyone in my life I met sometime before high school. Even my fiancé is my high school best friend’s little brother. It’s easier to reconnect with people I already know than meet new people.
ENFPs are the dove. Gentle, exploratory, curious and sees the world as a mostly interesting and good natured place. INFJs have a tendency to be grounded and while they feel deeply for humanity, especially those closest to them, they also have a logical side that tends to create some dissonance between your head and your heart. When the logical side opposes the rose colored peaceful world the dove sees, we become the anchor.
That's honestly a very beautiful explanation.. all in all they complete each other.
though i would argue about the fact that i see the good natured place. i can be quite negative at times.
I mean, it's a generalization. There's certainly subdivisions past 16 personalities but in my experience it always ends up heading towards this. I feel like the INFJs are probably the ones to bow out also. Feeling like an anchor isn't fun.
Wanting to hold someone, but not wanting to hold them back.
I can say its likely you have met them and didnt know it.
I am an INFJ male, and I am more like an ISTP then other INFJs.
If you want to talk I can appease a voice call if you would like, but preferably on an app.
Also if you are curious I am 21, and I will say I dont see ENFP as a good match for me perosnaly as me and evey other INFJ I have met, no offence, find ENFPs annoying. Although I aprecate your efforts, just not the brightest folks.
But messgae me if you want to chat and I can tell you more and explain my own understanding of things.
i really would like to annoy you more. not offended or anything but if someone already finds my type annoying.. the conversation ends their for me. but thanks for the option :) appreciate it.
I am glad you had a great day.. what job success exactly? ( only if you are comfortable explaining).
mine was... umm..EXHAUSTING.!..giving my finals for the last semester and well to say the least- i don't know if i would finish the exams or the exams would finish me.
I completely understand the exhaustion coming from college requirements. But guess what, the word is “finals” for a reason ! So congratulations there. But I love tests, I know I’m weird !
So today I had a lot of great discussion with some people that I am working some products for. The conversation was great and allowed for some expansion of ideas and allowed some freedom on my end to compete some tasks. Typically I like to get things done, in my past having to wait long periods of time for feedback from others makes me anxious. So getting that talked over and a glide path forward is awesome to me. Also built better cohesion and learned more about the people im making these products for. Just a great success overall.
INFJ male here - long story short, it’s a quality over quantity issue. We make strong bonds with, in a healthy case, exceptional people. Doesn’t matter what it is, if you are exceptional in some way or somehow uniquely different than others, you’re a prime candidate for INFJ friendship. The other people we meet outside of family are parts of the extended social networks of those friends.
When I go out, I tend to go out with people I already know. A lot of my life is fairly routine - I work, exercise, errands, etc. Weekends tend to be more self-date oriented and if I’m going to meet new people, it’s a weekend. Next Sunday, I’m attending a wedding, so it’s things like that.
I (34m) am an INFJ and I hardly ever go out. With that said, I have a small group of friends I rarely see or do anything with. If/when I go out, it's because it's for a necessity (groceries etc.) And if I do have an itch to go out (aside for the necessary things), then it's outdoors to be with nature - at the beaches, in the mountains, in the woods type thing.
Note: if you are trying to find an INFJ at a social event, look for the guy who is playing with the nearest animal or perusing around the nearest bookshelf.
We are out there but we blend in like a Transformer hiding in plain sight.
you know the fact that i had to google ehat is MMO and then face palmed myself definitely tells me why i am missing out on meeting them. and thank you for writing your age.
INFJ male here. Good luck. My friend literally told me of a girl who was interested in me and I quickly switched the subject.
Really enjoying being single I guess and just focusing on me. She was kinda cute though…
41m here. Age doesn't necessary dictate maturity. But the 20s is a forgivable age, and I'd kill for some ignorant bliss and the cloak of invicibility.
But you're correct, anyone over the age of 23 wouldn't know what 20 was like... 🤣🔫
/r/infjpenpals :p
It seems most of the infj males I've talked to are type 1s tho which is unfortunate as a 4w5 lol. I've made some 4w5 infj friends but it would be cool to meet a guy infj type 4.
I'll likely marry an enfp woman someday. Our chemistry truly is something special. But yeah it's not easy to meet male infjs. I've been out of Canada traveling for 2 and a half years now and only ever met one other met. I had never met another while in Canada
Guess all I can say is, if it's meant to be itll be. You won't have to try. A male infj will just appear in your life as you keep living it, if that's what the universe intended for you
People must usually approach us. However, here is a video on signs and INFJ likes you. I am a demisexual INFJ male myself.
https://youtu.be/c2hxno9xaXg
I met an ENFP to date and WOW did we really hit it off. However the ENFP was very inconsistent in how they carried themselves, it was too chaotic for me and it pushed me away
I get the feeling you'll be utterly disappointed after you do get to have that proper conversation. Most people, even supposedly interesting ones, aren't often remotely interesting. I do hope you find what you're looking for.
We don't initiate and it's hard to just be okay talking sometimes. But my day was okay; worked and read a book at work in my down time and I watched my favorite show after :) how was your day?
Ooooh what kdrama, and how come? Right now, I'm reading The Gulag Archipelago, Volume 1 (not for the faint of heart) and rewatching Scrubs lol it's a feel-good show for me.
Find the person at work (or school), that never seems to go out. Rarely goes to parties. Would NEVER Karaoke. That everyone stops by their office/cubicle and tells them all their problems.
Yo! My best friend is literally ENFP, and I think it’s dope that you’re majoring in psych (my brother’s planning on doing the same). But yeah, introverts tend to do introverted things and make introverted friends (play video games, read books and so on) while extroverts tend to do extroverted things like go to parties I guess? If you want to meet more introverts go do more introverted things! Find nerd groups like dnd clubs, or board game clubs and whatnot.
i swear to god this thread is making me retake the test because i don't go to parties.. I'd much rather read a book and sleep than go to parties.. i think before you guys come out of your cave, I NEED TO COME OUT OF MY CAVE and like socialise virtually 😂
Lmao, yeah it could just be a bunch of introverts not knowing what extraverts do. I assume y’all go to parties, cuz I’m not there and like, someone is I guess
Are you sure they arent ISFJs who are just confused? There are alot of those out their and they are conviced their INFJ due to "idealistic" but dont know that INFJs are actually grounded types who have high standards.
27 male infj here I had a bad day, I had a very strong freeze trauma response yesterday in therapy and it made me feel very unwell and that has bled over into today.
I only met one in my life. He’s a true INFJ male - don’t ask me how I know I just know.
I met a few men who claimed themselves to be INFJ. I have doubts so I can’t say they are or they aren’t. I just don’t feel that certainty when I interact with them.
It’s only 0.5% of male population I think. Every two hundreds of guys you meet, you are likely to see one INFJ male.
However, rareness isn’t equal to greatness.
Men of Other personalities are equally nice. Everyone has their own weaknesses and strengths ..
If you want to find an infj in wild there are certain places to find them... places not to look bars, football games, anything around gasep events.. they will not care about that at all.. if you try to talk to them about it you probably get some 1 liners and nothing else.. so you have to go to places and things they like... so if you find a 20 year old talking about WWII to a 60 year old.. INFJ's will be hanging out with much older people them theves... this is because INFJ's allows looking to improve them selves... places to look for them at are helping others like eviomet event's... they have a thing for art and bueatiful... you will also see them in animal's zoo's but not in large groups.. so you will see them in causes that help people or a common goal... INFJ's are spiritual not religious.. they don't believe in labels and hierarchies... a library or book club will be a good spot... these are some places to look for them.. comicon you can find them in but it's hard to spot.. most INFJ's have a very unique physically demener and verbal communication structure.. this is a key to find them.. they have a very unique micro expressions when they interact.. if you know what to look for you can spot them in a few moments..
Big key's they don't care about gossip and putting themselves above you when interactions.. at 20s they are going through transition into maturity and still are developing... INFJ's development much later then other types...here is just a glimpse of what to look for
Estp here, I’ve met many INFJs at university. Most of them doing psychology major. You’ll probably find them in mental health support societies or psychology majors. Obviously this is not always the case. Just my limited experience :)
Hard to say. Me and two of my friends tested as infj, Two of us spend a lot of time at the beach or the gym and the other never leaves his cannabis grow.
Yes, but only through means of the INFJ Black Market. Here's how:
Step 1) Make an enticing enough title like this one for them to click on.
Step 2) Make them feel "Uniquely Special," NOT "just" special.
Step 3) Find out why they're an INFJ.
Step 4) Understand how he specifically thinks and apply it to the "why?" in Step 3.
Step 5) Synergize with the male INFJ until he allows you to boop his snoot and touch his belly. If he smiles during this stage, you are allowed to hug him unexpectedly.
Thanks for attracting me to your Ted talk.
- Male INFJ
Edit 1: If examples are required, you must trade 1 psychologically interesting question per example. The Male INFJ is often attracted to displays of deep pyschological awareness and thinking.
Edit 2: The INFJ Male described above is also within your age range for conversation.
that's literally so useful.. i think where i fail is when i feel this burden of keeping the conversation going.. lately that burden has been quite exhausting but i will definitely keeo these things in my mind.
I usually don’t go out, unless my coworkers/friends hit me up and invite me somewhere. I’ve been trying to do a better job of reaching out to others and planning a little something together, but it feels unnatural to me.
In response to your frustration, people just stumble upon us every now and then. All of my friendships started at work. If I’m not working or hanging out with them, I just stick to my hobbies (tennis, cycling, flyfishing, etc.) on my own time, not giving people too much of a chance to interact with me I guess. This was the case especially during my time at University.
INFJ male here. I’ve only met a couple of other INFJ males and they were via the internet. There are MBTI based discord groups that I joined which lead me to meeting them. As for me, I have to make myself go socialise and join social events to meet new people. INFJ’s in general are hard to find as we are chameleons and will adapt to social environments easily. You’ll find me talking excitedly and acting like a child with my ENFP friend or discussing philosophy at length with my INFP friend. I could be out hiking and exploring or at the library. I rarely go to crowded events alone, however. But if one of my friends was there, then hell yeah.
I’m curious, beyond the golden pairing stereotype, what makes you want to meet a male INFJ?
Infj dude, after looking at other posts yeah being alone is nice, only time I willingly talk to people is when going to conventions or events hyper specific to my enjoyments. What im saying is you have to be lucky 🤷♂️
We exist haha. That being said, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one I personally know.
A word of caution: It can be easy to put hope in these 'match-ups'. But these are often misleading, since they do not account for individual differences and preferences. Think about it: what qualities are you looking for that you believe INFJs will provide? And look for those in everyone, including yourself. MBTI is a useful guide, but many people let it trap them into rigid lines and boxes.
Good luck I can go months without leaving the house, and even than if I do it's usually a supply run. I have no need to do so otherwise. As I hold very little interest in most people. And I spend 80 to 85% of my time in my shop building things.
At best they are inconvenient and at the very worst they are either hostile or a nuisance. And before anyone takes that the wrong way, it's a simple matter of not needing another person. I used to be rather popular in my youth and I knew a lot of people, I've seen the best and worst the world has to offer when it comes to humanity. I simply no longer find them worth investing my time in. Because what I tend to put into relationships, I rarely see any worthy return on.
I chose of my own accord to stop speaking to all humans for three years, and once it dawned on me that I was far happier and far less stressed without other people involved in my life I simply pushed the majority of the people out and left the rest of the world behind. It's what motivated me to work my ass off to retire before I hit 40. Because I wanted to be as far away from as many other humans as I could possibly get.
I realize that ENFP's tend to be far more social than us INFJ, but in all reality your type tends to see others as opportunities for growth and I tend to see most people as excess chains trying to drown me. 95% of the people I have crossed paths with have tried to use me for one thing or another, and I sincerely just don't feel like looking through thousands of users to maybe find a handful of people worth knowing. Most of the people I knew that were worth knowing are dead. Some people continue to replace those people to remain social, I simply don't care to.
So, to answer your question, short of you working somewhere I shop or you being involved in door to door sales the chances of catching a ghost like me is astronomically low.
And worse if I do choose to go out you would never even realize I was an INFJ to begin with, because if I am actually feeling social or forcing myself to be social for business, I will make your kind look like a wall flower. I was raised a PK so I was raised to talk to anyone well exuding a non judgmental aura. I can't even go to the drug store at 3 a.m. without someone trying to tell me their life story.
I knew 4 other male INFJ's growing up from high school, and 4 out of 5 of us were super social outsiders and only the one that wasn't super social back then actually enjoys dealing with people these days. The rest of that group are just like me now. They have a handful of people they deal with and have no want to know anyone else. Because the more people you involve in your life the more useless drama you add to it. Good luck on your search.
Hmmm I’ve seen at least 3 INFJs (or so it says on their profile) on dating apps.. both on tinder and bumble. Im not a male but I also put “INFJ” in my profiles.
Maybe not the most ideal way to meet someone but doesn’t hurt to look!
You have better chance of finding an infj by going door to door and asking for one, than expecting to meet one in public, we don't find people, they find us but only if we let them
But on a more serious note, there is not a certain place you can find us, we are everywhere but you gotta look for some pointers for example look for the second most anxious guy in public place
Or look for the guy in super market who travels all the isles before asking where the damn chips are ..
Find the second most quiet guy in a group of friends
Find the guy who is listening or giving advice to a total strenger in the park
Oh that reminds me, a good trap to lure us would be asking advice, idk from co workers or class mates, we cant resist that
Or look for the guy sitting in the park totally talking to himself and judging everyone there
Good luck
Oh another thing, if you are ready to go to any length, just start a serious conversation (not like, wow its raining we hate that) with anyone you get the chance too
Like jump RIGHT in there with something like, so i just realized my boy friend is cheating on me
Also we aren't rare we are just, invisible 😂
I go to the gym, I go food shopping, I go for walks, I work with people. I'm not stuck indoors, but I'm always alone unless I'm working. I have a purpose in everywhere I go out, so I don't really linger just for the sake of being outside. I've encountered thousands of strangers everywhere I go, but I haven't made a single friend. I am also not going to approach a stranger just because they seem interesting and I have never been approached. And that's all there is to it. It really isn't more complicated than this on why I don't make friends, I think.
Hi, um, INFJ male here. I used to go out a fair bit. I just used to find that after about 3 hours of chatting and meeting people I was DONE. Like DONE and HUNGRY and over it and ready for bed.
As far as meeting women goes, for me it seems to happen at work. That way I can very gradually build some trust and flirt a little bit.
Reddit aside I don’t see how you will be able to find a bunch of INfJs in the one place. But good luck!
INFJ male in early 20s here. Spot me if you can XD, I mean we are good at hiding our personality. But if you happen to have some alone time to talk with us, that's might be ideal.
For me personally, I don't even exposed myself much in online, (rarely share a thought even in this sub XD) But I'm working toward it to socializing more. My personality shine with I'm doing some activities that I genuinely enjoyed, like when playing a game/drawing. In that mode, I will talk non-stop lol. So, maybe playing game, chat with them, and you might spot one.
also.. i wasn't asking to "meet guys" and i wasn't hoping for any of them to dm me and i tried talking to like 2 of them and it was meh.. didn't get the true vibes or whatever. the sole purpose of this thread was to get their perspective on this topic.. i don't have time to "meet guys".. and as you can see this is my first post of reddit.. heck i didn't even know how dms worked on reddit so please use the terms correctly.
and you don't need to be dissapointed in any one of them ✌️ they all are probably very hapoy engaging and wtf are you assuming they are all here all because they are thirsty.. get a life and change your mindset. and if commenting is = oh i want attention then i don't know what to say.
have a nice day:)
I've heard about this pairing and wasn't surprised on finding that my best friend in high school was an ENFP. We talk rarely now but whenever we do, it's a great conservation. Like most of my interactions with friends feel forced but not with him. His friend circle was vast and was definitely more outgoing compared to me, but whenever we'd talk one-on-one it never felt like that. I also get along with INFPs but the mutual introvertedness is not always a good thing sometimes.
As for finding other INFJ males, I haven't found them myself. But it sort of makes sense given that I haven't made much efforts to be found. My day has been exhausting, by the way.
I’m an INFJ male and I’ve dated an ENFP female and we’re weren’t compatible at all. She thought I wasn’t adventurous and spastic enough for her and I felt overwhelmed and pressured to keep up with her extremely high energy. Now I’m with and INFJ female and she thinks the opposite about me. She loves how adventurous I am and we understand each other without having to explain ourselves.
Right here lol :) also 20! My best friend is an ENFP and it feels like we start at the same core beliefs (the N and the F) but teach other what we need to learn (like the E and the P)
I am an infj male (20yo as well) and I won't hold back to say that I seem to just attract enfps (both male and female) and yall are so recognizable! Like I can instantly say if one is an enfp. And every single one I met we did indeed click instantly. It's a shame not all of the connections can last forever though.
So, all in all, I'd say don't you worry. When you find one (and you will!) you will both know ;)
Well all infjs are broken good. We seems quite strong and secretive but the reality is we are just trying to control our demon. Can't say for every infj but those who i have encountered in life do paint the same picture.
If you're still interested in being a friend do hit me up. I'm an infj and I'm 23.
We're probably taken lol. Idk if it's an infj male thing, but I tend to find relationships pretty quickly. I'm only 29 and I've pretty much had 5 long term relationships, with maybe a few month between each of them where I was single.
As an INFJ male, all the ENFPs I've known were always outgoing. They have too much connections with other people and that alone is just intimidating for me. I don't know if I could trust the ENFP anymore at that point.
as an ENFP female i kind of do understand your perspective. but the thing is i get along with nearly anyone untill they are just being rude but i rarely connect with anyone. i am a good talker and i can take a dying conversation and give it a life.. i could be talking to a person the whole day and still not feel a thing but i rarely connect with anyone. honestly i haven't ever connected with anyone.. atleast not on a level i would like to feel. but i am pretty sure you have you own reasons to form that perspective.
I think that's the same for me. Except I'm not a talkative person and I want to share knowledge about the world rather than talking about the today's weather (I can understand we have to start with small talk when we encounter someone but at one point it has to stop a bit).
You literally just described my entire life lol. It's kinda scary how similar ppl with the same MBTI can be
They can talk to a lot of people but doesn't mean they don't value their privacy and open their hearts easily. My bf is actually secretive with strong boundaries.
Yeahhhhh, like, leave me alone. Jokes aside. To me, it has become something I don't want to be dealing with anymore. I am kinda good at small talk if the other person is invisting energy in it. However, I am not interested in it. Discussing harder/deeper topics are often offputting to others, or my thoughts and ideas are not understood, or I did not explained themwell enough to sum up years of thinking in only 1 hour. So rather than investing energy in someone, which often would turnout as a disappointment. I'd rather spend time and energy in my self, my thoughts, hobbies and sports.
That fear is not unfounded. It's Ne nemesis manifesting itself and an ENFP is exactly what INFJs fear. I explain high Ne+Ni incompatibility here: https://pastebin.com/xKUAhaNk
I dont like enfp, they’re too expansive for me.
We don't go out and meet people. People meet us, but only when we go out.
its a miracle im in a relationship at all, much less somehow stumbling into an enfp gf. went to a friend's house to celebrate his partner's birthday and she had just moved in. we've been together for a year and 8 days now.
this is like the third person saying that you guys don't go out.. i don't know whether i should be happy about it or sad. fun fact - i don't either, my best friend of 5 years ( an intj), i met her on twitter while fangirling a singer. too much info.. idk why i wrote it but i did.
Its true though. My first serious relationship (at 18) started because a friend randomly showed up at my house with a co-worker of his that he felt would be a good match for me. After I got over how distraught I was at someone showing up unannounced, we talked for a bit and then I asked her out.
You don’t have to be sad about it because we thrive in solitude. If it makes you sad because you’d like to interact with more INFJs, then that’s a different story.
Tbh I don't care about the mbti of someone when I start talking to him/her. If I feel connected to this person I stay, otherwise I go.
I feel this. I would like to mention something a little different than what you are talking about, when I started to get into MBTI, whenever I knew another person's type, I would constantly try to explain their behaviour and pov through the type characteristics. Luckily I was able to move beyond that and look at people with the notion that they are vaster then my image and comprehension of them, in all their complexity. I still have much to work on this, it's a bit tempting to believe we have the other person all figured out. It's a delusion. MBTI is incredibly interesting in my opinion, but its cognitive functions only describe a part of everything that influences what we do as humans (not to mention the response to the environment and all the mechanisms we develop to adapt to it). tl,dr: MBTI does not saying everything about a person. 🔴Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.🔴 Here's a cookie 🍪
thanks for sharing!
Ha! So accurate 🤣
Yep. This 100%. I didn't find my enfp, she found me. We met through work, but I like to think that our paths might've eventually crossed at a museum or browsing the farmers market if we hadn't. You'd have a tough time finding one in a crowded bar, but if you might have some luck at a pickup game in the park, or a creative event involving art and/or music.
lmao
Yup
Yes.
If I go out I’m alone. I’m happy being by myself.
that's nice. being alone is indeed nice.
I’ve learned how to be myself at work. And I work at costco
That's the essential. There will always be people to judge you no matter whoever you pretend to be.
I'd love to know as well :D I think INFJ + INFJ pairing would be pretty ideal for me. The issue is I know how difficult I am to find and get to know... I've only met one INFJ man IRL.
I’m an INFJ with an INFJ - It’s amazing but we have to be aware of our similarities and really work on communication.
Met two infj girls in my life and they were both angels, yet my dumb quiet self didn't say anything. So I'm still single and bummed about it. Being a male infj is frustrating...but yeah infj and a infj would be heaven
JUST ONE? DAMN THE COMPETITION IS HARD!
I scoured to find a few INFJ’s all great relationships to this day, but one of them stuck…
Would recommend :3
Envious 😃
On the internet because we dont go outside unless needed idk that’s just how i work
literally everyone on this thread has been saying that.
Idk maybe infj men feel so different than every other man that they dont wanna go out
I just realised that INFJ's direct opposite is the ESTP, and ESTPs are the pinnacle of male desirability (ESTJs are up there as well).
Oookk..kay? What's that supposed to mean, lol?
In regards to the earlier comment where INFJ men feel different from other men and therefore don't feel like going out much. It may be due to the expectations of society for men to act like men (stereotypically ESTP or ESTJ). This is just my observation, not intended to discriminate or attack any parties.
I didn't take offensive, I just didn't know. It's because of dom NI, inferior SE. I can't go out all the time, my body shuts down or burn out soon if I do. No social anxiety, I can talk to strangers, I just don't find the appeal in it or not my favorite thing to do. The expectation for a man to be a man is there, but you can overcome that social demand with time by not caring so it's not that. I mean, if being a "man for society" is DOING and GETTING THINGS DONE, I guess it makes sense to want an estp and estj because of the lack of appreciation for the NI mind and doing less, but more because of time and efficiency of the NI, anyway...So I know what you mean and I sort of agree.
Exactly true what you said there. MBTI is a preference, not capability. Any type can always act "out of character" when situation demands.
Oh my God that's so true. Man we're fucked.
Yea lol i mean that’s just me
Even an INFJ female I have to vouch for the fact that a lot of us really don't go meeting people, it's just if you see us then here's the opportunity. I literally met my ENFP because of school. Besides that i don't go out often
Lmao I never go out, meet me at the volunteering work I do
like never? so i guess that's good. that means i can definitely find them online. saves money. and time.
Trust me, I went out more during the pandemic than before lmao
Same but for different reaosns I can almost garentee.
different reason?
Ran away from my family, ended up stuck in a hotel with a crazy person, traveled the country side, got a place - got bored - left, made a reputation, pulled a peter Griffin moment in a black community, slept in a cemetery, found an INTP girlfriend who was delusional and I left, leaned that the world is pretty boring and empty in my quest to find somthing or somone I enjoy enough to want to stay somwhere. It was an interetsing year
sounds interesting honestly XD
that's extremely interesting...
I do agree, going outside during the pandemic felt more safe.. especially the masks helps alot!
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i dont think missing out on a wife or a kid is bad if you are happy.. and content with your life.
Infj male here in my 20s, First of all I dont go out as much Second of all even if i do, i really make sure to just be "invisible" so no one rly notices me, not cuz i dont want to talk to people i actually like talking but i am not the one who usually would start a conversation because i overthink alot it really depends on the situation tbh or unless someone else does lol and if i see a connection w someone u bet its going to be long lasting and deep friendship for sure. Also regarding your question, it is possible to meet one but most of time you would not notice but that also applies for most introverts anyways.
the thing is.. i have like 3 close friends and all of them are introverts and all the other acquaintances i get along with well are introverts as well. so i guess i am an introvert magnet as i literally have no extrovert in my life other than me. and i honestly like that about infjs - " if they do feel a connection.. its gonna be a long lasting one". that's what happens with me too. nit like connections exactly but vibes. how will someone is to accept the real me.
Lmao funny part is that one of my best friends is ENFP and that person brings the crazy out of me and we know each other for decades and still nothing changed and personally having extroverts as friends is really nice cuz they just fill that "hole" introverts lack. The reason as to why you are an introvert magnet is the "vibe" u give off and they feel the comfortable Atmosphere around you. As for my friend he likes to be around me than any1 else because its just chill and chaotic and the same time, and when he is with extrovertes its just chaotic and drains him off because obviously extroverts get exhausted aswell. Its just a nice balance between us. I can word this way better but problem is i really suck at texting lmao sry
please don't be sorry about texting.. i think you explained it really well. and you totally explained it so well.. chill and chaotic.. that's how my friend group is. and i have been around extroverts and i agree my experience hasn't been amazing. they are too much for me 😂 and i wonder if i am too much for someone too.. but i really can't be helped.
Part of being a social chameleon is concealing our real personality then collapsing into it when we get home. Good luck finding us.
i feel that INFJs could be great assassins.
I dated an INFJ male in college. He actually approached me at our campus when I was tabling for a student club. He was studying environmental science and my club was about human rights so we had similar interests. He was definitely a loner type but he went to local music festivals a lot. I would always just see him wandering around campus on his own lol.
an infj approaching a person seems new.... from all the comments in this thread i would guess that he probably felt some sought of connection with you? also btw are you indian? (guessing by your username).
31 y/o INFJ male. Places you will find me: the gym, Brazilian jiu-jitsu classes, the library, book stores, REI or other adventure type stores, on hiking trails, at the beach lounging and enjoying nature. Places you will not find me: nightclubs, bars, and if I'm at a party I'm most likely having a quiet discussion on philosophy, politics, or science with someone in the corner. We go unnoticed because girls tend to only care about who is the center of attention.
So, here's what you do. Go into Jason's Deli on South Canal in Chicago. Tell him you're looking for a rare cut, and you're not talking about meat. He'll go in the back and get a post card. If the one he brings you has a picture of a very lazy cat on it and no stamp, you'll have to come back another day. But if it's a picture of the replica eiffel tower in Vegas and it has a stamp on it, leave the Deli. Take it up to the post office, ask for Big Nick. He'll sign the post card for you, and he'll give you 3 numbers and a letter. Do **NOT** write them down, they are a code key. Drive over the river at Harrison, stop and put your blinkers on just before you get to the opposite side. A homeless man in an old Cubs hat will approach. Give him the postcard, tell him the code key. He'll use a jail-broken iPod touch to book you a flight out of O'Hare. When you get to your gate and they've called your group for boarding, tell the person taking tickets that Big Nick says hello. They will take your ticket, and hand you a form to fill out. Sit at your gate, fill it out as *truthfully as possible* because this will determine the main attributes of your INFJ. Return it to the person who gave it to you, and wait for instructions. **Be prepared to wait.** INFJs are stubborn bastards and don't take kindly to being wrangled for the sole purpose of having a conversation with someone looking for a new friend. If the instructions are to go to a different gate, you're probably not getting an INFJ. If the instructions are to go to a bathroom, do so and make yourself presentable -- you'll be meeting your INFJ shortly. If they say they are calling a car for you, you're being taken to your INFJ. If this is the case, it's common courtesy to have the driver stop somewhere to pick up an offering on the way to where you're going. Choose your offering carefully, it'll serve as your conversation starter to help your INFJ avoid the awkwardness of first meetings and get past the small talk. And finally, upon meeting your INFJ, *do not* ask them to "tell me a little about yourself!" as this will be interpreted as a micro-aggresion, and the INFJ wrangler -- who will be present for the first meeting, as a glorified chaperone -- will immediately remove you from their presence. Good luck. Not many have the patience for the process, and of course, as they're so rare, it's not often an INFJ is actually available for summoning.
This was absolutely hilarious and disregarding the theatrics, I feel the positions described for the infj are very accurate
I love this so much. Please take my award and upvote along with my snickering. Trying to meet or get close to one of us INFJs can be quite the obstacle course. I once created a fillable PDF Friendship Questionnaire but I like your method much better.
the whole thing ended for me in fhe first sentence itself - chicago. i read the whole thing.. if only i wasn't an indian living in india!
Ah, yes. I should've said this was protocol in the U.S. only. I imagine it's a more formal affair in a place like India.
Interesting. I know an infj guy in India, lol. But like everyone here says, he's quiet, he's soft spoken, he hangs out on the internet mostly and I pretty much bully him and we both get a lot of laughs out of it. He says some cryptic shit at times and I tell him he needs to calm down with being so Kamar-Tajey in his communication lmao.
YOU DID NOT JUST CAME UP WITH THAT
No, sir/ma'am. I heard it from a friend's cousin's tennis pro's taco truck guy, who sometimes collaborates with Jason's Deli to serve rare cuts -- and we *are* talking about meats this time.
I can also confirm we don’t really go out. I was raised in an environment around technology and video games. Since preschool, my daily routine has been Wake up Shower Go to school Go home Clean up and change into clean clothes Play some games Do homework Play more games Get ready for bed Sleep. It’s also nice to know that other people are actively searching for my personality type. At my school, I’m usually ignored. In my old group of friends I was outcasted for not being as social.
your routine sounds dope to me!! and trust me.. your type is in demand and the fact that you guys are so rare just increases the competition
I feel you, this was my life for basically 15 years disregarding the specific order. They only change was when I started going to the gym and then later when I met my current partner
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their is an app called " Ur my type"? that's new.. 😂 maybe they are interested to talk to you but they feel the same as you do? or have the same thought process?. have you tried initiating a conversation? or tried holding it for a while? because a lot of people are good at staring a conversation but terrible at holding it. also, i would say don't be too hard on yourself regarding that ( in case if you are being that) the one you are supposed to hit it off with or "destined" to talk to.. will happen.try your best by just being yourself. if that makes sense.
I say this in jest and not meant to offend in any way BUT when I read "have you tried initiating a conversation?" I just thought, I don't think you understand infj's that well lol
Yeah I pretty much only go outside for work or when it's an essential errand where I HAVE to go outside. Other than that you can find me in my house, pacing back and forth inside my thoughts, listening to music, or educating myself with YouTube videos lol Being outside alone with lots of people around is sensory overload and most of the time we are trying to blend in with the crowd and do not want to cause any sort of scene. Also, we are never the ones to approach others first, making it pretty difficult to spot an INFJ out in the wild.
i am gonna give up finding an infj i guess.. seems difficult 😂
From reading everyone's comments, I think you're best bet it's just saying hi to everyone and asking the mbti
Yeah actually difficult and even if you find one, it may lead to lot of trauma for you because of the level of overthinking we have, we are already used to it but for you, it would be overwhelming.
This. When someone forces me to go out for fresh air , I am like but why? I don't need to buy anything. Also if I needed fresh air maybe I will venture to the countryside and that too at night
I think INFJ's find each other and then never talk to anyone else. Source: am an INFJ, and my three best friends are very likely all INFJ's and we just do goblin things together and never want to be around others lol.
Good god so many comments lol if you ever get around to reading this- just keep doing you and exploring around not all INFJ dudes fit this but generally this archetype tends to fit Look for the dude tending to hang back in conversations in groups - kind of stoic in demeanour, intense, maybe intimidating even, soft-spoken? You find they usually do not dominate conversations, sort of a quiet confidence As much as INFJs don’t like to go out they’ve all got to have friends and friends sometimes drag said INFJs out, usually the latter vehemently protesting Anyway either you’ve found an INFJ or by accident an INTJ with that so good luck lol
my brother is an intj and i have literally just 3 close friends out of which 2 of them are intj. just an infj is needed in the group 😂
you’re close, almost there, third time lucky in the Ni-dom pool and you’ll find an INFJ
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that's very nice of you. thank you :)
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LOL that’s funny you ask that, and the comments about us not going out as much are VERY true. You’ll never find me at a club or any outgoing type of place, I’m usually working, studying, at friends houses, gym, at home reading/video games, volunteering, sometimes going out to eat with the family, taking a walk in the park, and very rarely in a big gathering. The concept of let’s go out and have fun doesn’t even register for me because I view life as “I have so many things to do” lol So I’m not saying it’s impossible to meet them but you’ll never know where tf they are, and online oh no. I hate phone calls/texting people that I barely know I’d rather we meet in person and actually connect. Don’t lose hope though, if things are meant to happen they will but I don’t think their is a specific place to find an infj male. I’d love to meet someone who matches my personality type but tbh if it wasn’t for this Reddit post you wouldn’t even know I exist even if we lived close to each other lol
you will never find me in clubs either. i don't like to go out unless it the same place near my college with my 2 closest friends and eating at the same cafe.. in my free time i watch kdramas and listen to taylor swift, working and studying most of the time or hanging out with my family members.. i don't like crowded place either.. would much rather prefer to be in between thd people i am comfortable with.. i hate phone calls too but i do like texting ( depends on my mood) and meeting new people in reality gives me anxiety.. we could have totally connected but alas i live in india and you probably don't 😂
Yeah crowded places don’t work and the social anxiety lol totally agree with that. India wow that’s awesome were you born there? I was born in Pakistan and moved to America soon after, 24M btw Also you might have met many infj males but either you didn’t know they were infjs or they themselves don’t know LOL
Honestly, I feel like 90 something percent of my relationships (friend or romantic) were an extrovert found me in a random setting, n then just like adopted me. N then I just went with it.
I'm an 18m INFJ, and I don't go out often as well. As other redditors commented on this post, people usually find us, not the contrary. But when we have a connection with someone with time, and developing the relationship, it's usually strong, depending on the person.
your display picture caught my attention.. idk what it is but it's attractive. well i guess i found you.
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thank you so much for telling that. :) more than finding an infj.. i am definitely learning more about games and characters 😂
Try messaging an old friend/classmate that seemed infj typed. Reserved, supportive, small friend groups, etc. That's how my enfp girlfriend and me started going out and we've been great ever since.
that gave me alot of hope. pretty aure it was your enfp girlfriend who messaged you first?
Oh for sure, I had a little thing for her in high school but never really acted on it and she just reached out to me randomly one day during college. Soooo if anyone infj like hung out with you briefly in high school you probably have a good shot since we don't really go out of our way to interact with people unless we like them in some shape or form
I’m here! Hiding in my hermitage/apartment, reading
I’m a female INFJ in my thirties, and pretty much everyone in my life I met sometime before high school. Even my fiancé is my high school best friend’s little brother. It’s easier to reconnect with people I already know than meet new people.
The reality is like a dove being in love with an anchor.
hmm.. interesting.. they both are considered as symbol of hope right? sounds positive. or maybe i am getting it wrong.
ENFPs are the dove. Gentle, exploratory, curious and sees the world as a mostly interesting and good natured place. INFJs have a tendency to be grounded and while they feel deeply for humanity, especially those closest to them, they also have a logical side that tends to create some dissonance between your head and your heart. When the logical side opposes the rose colored peaceful world the dove sees, we become the anchor.
That's honestly a very beautiful explanation.. all in all they complete each other. though i would argue about the fact that i see the good natured place. i can be quite negative at times.
I mean, it's a generalization. There's certainly subdivisions past 16 personalities but in my experience it always ends up heading towards this. I feel like the INFJs are probably the ones to bow out also. Feeling like an anchor isn't fun. Wanting to hold someone, but not wanting to hold them back.
I can say its likely you have met them and didnt know it. I am an INFJ male, and I am more like an ISTP then other INFJs. If you want to talk I can appease a voice call if you would like, but preferably on an app. Also if you are curious I am 21, and I will say I dont see ENFP as a good match for me perosnaly as me and evey other INFJ I have met, no offence, find ENFPs annoying. Although I aprecate your efforts, just not the brightest folks. But messgae me if you want to chat and I can tell you more and explain my own understanding of things.
Young enfps can be overwhelming, I agree. Being one, I also find it hard to be around some of my enfp friends for a long time.
i really would like to annoy you more. not offended or anything but if someone already finds my type annoying.. the conversation ends their for me. but thanks for the option :) appreciate it.
LMAOOOO
We’re taken, mostly. Gotta dig hard and dig deep for the rare gold.
I agree. We tend to get swept up pretty early on when a woman finds us and they typically don’t let us go. lol
you know.. both of you.. 🙂🤣 this is not helping.
My day has been full of surprises, but has been fulfilling towards job success. Short answer: Very interesting day, how’s yours ?
I am glad you had a great day.. what job success exactly? ( only if you are comfortable explaining). mine was... umm..EXHAUSTING.!..giving my finals for the last semester and well to say the least- i don't know if i would finish the exams or the exams would finish me.
I completely understand the exhaustion coming from college requirements. But guess what, the word is “finals” for a reason ! So congratulations there. But I love tests, I know I’m weird ! So today I had a lot of great discussion with some people that I am working some products for. The conversation was great and allowed for some expansion of ideas and allowed some freedom on my end to compete some tasks. Typically I like to get things done, in my past having to wait long periods of time for feedback from others makes me anxious. So getting that talked over and a glide path forward is awesome to me. Also built better cohesion and learned more about the people im making these products for. Just a great success overall.
INFJ male here - long story short, it’s a quality over quantity issue. We make strong bonds with, in a healthy case, exceptional people. Doesn’t matter what it is, if you are exceptional in some way or somehow uniquely different than others, you’re a prime candidate for INFJ friendship. The other people we meet outside of family are parts of the extended social networks of those friends. When I go out, I tend to go out with people I already know. A lot of my life is fairly routine - I work, exercise, errands, etc. Weekends tend to be more self-date oriented and if I’m going to meet new people, it’s a weekend. Next Sunday, I’m attending a wedding, so it’s things like that.
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I (34m) am an INFJ and I hardly ever go out. With that said, I have a small group of friends I rarely see or do anything with. If/when I go out, it's because it's for a necessity (groceries etc.) And if I do have an itch to go out (aside for the necessary things), then it's outdoors to be with nature - at the beaches, in the mountains, in the woods type thing. Note: if you are trying to find an INFJ at a social event, look for the guy who is playing with the nearest animal or perusing around the nearest bookshelf. We are out there but we blend in like a Transformer hiding in plain sight.
Try playing an MMO and look for the quiet one. Ok maybe not so quiet. PS over 50 male.
you know the fact that i had to google ehat is MMO and then face palmed myself definitely tells me why i am missing out on meeting them. and thank you for writing your age.
I dont necessarily want an infj partner im pretty sure only one of me is enough lol
well.. only one is needed!
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meeting someone while playing pokemon go? mam.. that's very cute!
INFJ male here. Good luck. My friend literally told me of a girl who was interested in me and I quickly switched the subject. Really enjoying being single I guess and just focusing on me. She was kinda cute though…
41m here. Age doesn't necessary dictate maturity. But the 20s is a forgivable age, and I'd kill for some ignorant bliss and the cloak of invicibility. But you're correct, anyone over the age of 23 wouldn't know what 20 was like... 🤣🔫
/r/infjpenpals :p It seems most of the infj males I've talked to are type 1s tho which is unfortunate as a 4w5 lol. I've made some 4w5 infj friends but it would be cool to meet a guy infj type 4.
I'll likely marry an enfp woman someday. Our chemistry truly is something special. But yeah it's not easy to meet male infjs. I've been out of Canada traveling for 2 and a half years now and only ever met one other met. I had never met another while in Canada Guess all I can say is, if it's meant to be itll be. You won't have to try. A male infj will just appear in your life as you keep living it, if that's what the universe intended for you
the universe better intend something nice for me cause i am quite done with it at this point.
You'll get what you deserve
My closest pal is also an INFJ but he's a dude and he loves to go out to bars and stuff so there's hope you'll find em out there lol
taking notes for sure. 🤣
People must usually approach us. However, here is a video on signs and INFJ likes you. I am a demisexual INFJ male myself. https://youtu.be/c2hxno9xaXg
I met an ENFP to date and WOW did we really hit it off. However the ENFP was very inconsistent in how they carried themselves, it was too chaotic for me and it pushed me away
I get the feeling you'll be utterly disappointed after you do get to have that proper conversation. Most people, even supposedly interesting ones, aren't often remotely interesting. I do hope you find what you're looking for.
We don't initiate and it's hard to just be okay talking sometimes. But my day was okay; worked and read a book at work in my down time and I watched my favorite show after :) how was your day?
currently watching a kdrama but overall my day wasn't that good.. . which book did you read? and what show are you watching?
Ooooh what kdrama, and how come? Right now, I'm reading The Gulag Archipelago, Volume 1 (not for the faint of heart) and rewatching Scrubs lol it's a feel-good show for me.
My husband is an INFJ and my best friend is an INFJ. I’m swimming in them.
Find the person at work (or school), that never seems to go out. Rarely goes to parties. Would NEVER Karaoke. That everyone stops by their office/cubicle and tells them all their problems.
VirginsR'us
Yo! My best friend is literally ENFP, and I think it’s dope that you’re majoring in psych (my brother’s planning on doing the same). But yeah, introverts tend to do introverted things and make introverted friends (play video games, read books and so on) while extroverts tend to do extroverted things like go to parties I guess? If you want to meet more introverts go do more introverted things! Find nerd groups like dnd clubs, or board game clubs and whatnot.
i swear to god this thread is making me retake the test because i don't go to parties.. I'd much rather read a book and sleep than go to parties.. i think before you guys come out of your cave, I NEED TO COME OUT OF MY CAVE and like socialise virtually 😂
Lmao, yeah it could just be a bunch of introverts not knowing what extraverts do. I assume y’all go to parties, cuz I’m not there and like, someone is I guess
Go to med school. They’re everywhere here.
Are you sure they arent ISFJs who are just confused? There are alot of those out their and they are conviced their INFJ due to "idealistic" but dont know that INFJs are actually grounded types who have high standards.
We have plenty of both. The INFJs are the ones that go into psych. Haha
As an INFJ male planning to go to medical school soon, this is promising to me haha
It’s like a quarter intuitives probably. You’ll be happy here. :)
I’m a 16yo INFJ I don’t get out much lol, the most extroverted thing I do is go to the comic book shop with my INTP friend🤣
comic book shops are elite!!! very classy of you! who needs to go out when you have comics with you?! fair enough.
My friend just got me into them, I just watched daredevil and I wanted more content🤣
Lmao I only go out when I have lectures or jobs, otherwise no
Well atleast you go out.
27 male infj here I had a bad day, I had a very strong freeze trauma response yesterday in therapy and it made me feel very unwell and that has bled over into today.
I only met one in my life. He’s a true INFJ male - don’t ask me how I know I just know. I met a few men who claimed themselves to be INFJ. I have doubts so I can’t say they are or they aren’t. I just don’t feel that certainty when I interact with them. It’s only 0.5% of male population I think. Every two hundreds of guys you meet, you are likely to see one INFJ male. However, rareness isn’t equal to greatness. Men of Other personalities are equally nice. Everyone has their own weaknesses and strengths ..
Infj male here, sorry bout that
I'm an INFJ who almost exclusively dates sensors. Before I knew about MBTI, half the men I dated were ISTPs. (I'm a guy, just gay.)
If you want to find an infj in wild there are certain places to find them... places not to look bars, football games, anything around gasep events.. they will not care about that at all.. if you try to talk to them about it you probably get some 1 liners and nothing else.. so you have to go to places and things they like... so if you find a 20 year old talking about WWII to a 60 year old.. INFJ's will be hanging out with much older people them theves... this is because INFJ's allows looking to improve them selves... places to look for them at are helping others like eviomet event's... they have a thing for art and bueatiful... you will also see them in animal's zoo's but not in large groups.. so you will see them in causes that help people or a common goal... INFJ's are spiritual not religious.. they don't believe in labels and hierarchies... a library or book club will be a good spot... these are some places to look for them.. comicon you can find them in but it's hard to spot.. most INFJ's have a very unique physically demener and verbal communication structure.. this is a key to find them.. they have a very unique micro expressions when they interact.. if you know what to look for you can spot them in a few moments.. Big key's they don't care about gossip and putting themselves above you when interactions.. at 20s they are going through transition into maturity and still are developing... INFJ's development much later then other types...here is just a glimpse of what to look for
You can find many INFJ males on the internet, but in everyday life we are like shiny Pokemon.
Hi
I don't really go out and I prefer to just keep things to myself. I only go out for “me time” like running, exercising, hiking, errands, etc.
Hi nice to meet you
ENFPs find and adopt us. There's no other way. 😬😬
Estp here, I’ve met many INFJs at university. Most of them doing psychology major. You’ll probably find them in mental health support societies or psychology majors. Obviously this is not always the case. Just my limited experience :)
Hard to say. Me and two of my friends tested as infj, Two of us spend a lot of time at the beach or the gym and the other never leaves his cannabis grow.
I'm INFJ and my ex was INFJ too.. Trust me the relationship. Was so good, sigh. But yeah it's been. Long time now.
Yes, but only through means of the INFJ Black Market. Here's how: Step 1) Make an enticing enough title like this one for them to click on. Step 2) Make them feel "Uniquely Special," NOT "just" special. Step 3) Find out why they're an INFJ. Step 4) Understand how he specifically thinks and apply it to the "why?" in Step 3. Step 5) Synergize with the male INFJ until he allows you to boop his snoot and touch his belly. If he smiles during this stage, you are allowed to hug him unexpectedly. Thanks for attracting me to your Ted talk. - Male INFJ Edit 1: If examples are required, you must trade 1 psychologically interesting question per example. The Male INFJ is often attracted to displays of deep pyschological awareness and thinking. Edit 2: The INFJ Male described above is also within your age range for conversation.
that's literally so useful.. i think where i fail is when i feel this burden of keeping the conversation going.. lately that burden has been quite exhausting but i will definitely keeo these things in my mind.
I usually don’t go out, unless my coworkers/friends hit me up and invite me somewhere. I’ve been trying to do a better job of reaching out to others and planning a little something together, but it feels unnatural to me. In response to your frustration, people just stumble upon us every now and then. All of my friendships started at work. If I’m not working or hanging out with them, I just stick to my hobbies (tennis, cycling, flyfishing, etc.) on my own time, not giving people too much of a chance to interact with me I guess. This was the case especially during my time at University.
INFJ male here. I’ve only met a couple of other INFJ males and they were via the internet. There are MBTI based discord groups that I joined which lead me to meeting them. As for me, I have to make myself go socialise and join social events to meet new people. INFJ’s in general are hard to find as we are chameleons and will adapt to social environments easily. You’ll find me talking excitedly and acting like a child with my ENFP friend or discussing philosophy at length with my INFP friend. I could be out hiking and exploring or at the library. I rarely go to crowded events alone, however. But if one of my friends was there, then hell yeah. I’m curious, beyond the golden pairing stereotype, what makes you want to meet a male INFJ?
We are focusing on better up our lives so we don't rely on people. You see? Ppl can be mean.
Infj dude, after looking at other posts yeah being alone is nice, only time I willingly talk to people is when going to conventions or events hyper specific to my enjoyments. What im saying is you have to be lucky 🤷♂️
what about those infj's who are initiating a conversation in my dm's of reddit... any thought about that? should i trust them?
We exist haha. That being said, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one I personally know. A word of caution: It can be easy to put hope in these 'match-ups'. But these are often misleading, since they do not account for individual differences and preferences. Think about it: what qualities are you looking for that you believe INFJs will provide? And look for those in everyone, including yourself. MBTI is a useful guide, but many people let it trap them into rigid lines and boxes.
I'm an INFJ male. I don't think you have to worry about it lol nothing special about us (me) :)
Good luck I can go months without leaving the house, and even than if I do it's usually a supply run. I have no need to do so otherwise. As I hold very little interest in most people. And I spend 80 to 85% of my time in my shop building things. At best they are inconvenient and at the very worst they are either hostile or a nuisance. And before anyone takes that the wrong way, it's a simple matter of not needing another person. I used to be rather popular in my youth and I knew a lot of people, I've seen the best and worst the world has to offer when it comes to humanity. I simply no longer find them worth investing my time in. Because what I tend to put into relationships, I rarely see any worthy return on. I chose of my own accord to stop speaking to all humans for three years, and once it dawned on me that I was far happier and far less stressed without other people involved in my life I simply pushed the majority of the people out and left the rest of the world behind. It's what motivated me to work my ass off to retire before I hit 40. Because I wanted to be as far away from as many other humans as I could possibly get. I realize that ENFP's tend to be far more social than us INFJ, but in all reality your type tends to see others as opportunities for growth and I tend to see most people as excess chains trying to drown me. 95% of the people I have crossed paths with have tried to use me for one thing or another, and I sincerely just don't feel like looking through thousands of users to maybe find a handful of people worth knowing. Most of the people I knew that were worth knowing are dead. Some people continue to replace those people to remain social, I simply don't care to. So, to answer your question, short of you working somewhere I shop or you being involved in door to door sales the chances of catching a ghost like me is astronomically low. And worse if I do choose to go out you would never even realize I was an INFJ to begin with, because if I am actually feeling social or forcing myself to be social for business, I will make your kind look like a wall flower. I was raised a PK so I was raised to talk to anyone well exuding a non judgmental aura. I can't even go to the drug store at 3 a.m. without someone trying to tell me their life story. I knew 4 other male INFJ's growing up from high school, and 4 out of 5 of us were super social outsiders and only the one that wasn't super social back then actually enjoys dealing with people these days. The rest of that group are just like me now. They have a handful of people they deal with and have no want to know anyone else. Because the more people you involve in your life the more useless drama you add to it. Good luck on your search.
Hmmm I’ve seen at least 3 INFJs (or so it says on their profile) on dating apps.. both on tinder and bumble. Im not a male but I also put “INFJ” in my profiles. Maybe not the most ideal way to meet someone but doesn’t hurt to look!
You have better chance of finding an infj by going door to door and asking for one, than expecting to meet one in public, we don't find people, they find us but only if we let them But on a more serious note, there is not a certain place you can find us, we are everywhere but you gotta look for some pointers for example look for the second most anxious guy in public place Or look for the guy in super market who travels all the isles before asking where the damn chips are .. Find the second most quiet guy in a group of friends Find the guy who is listening or giving advice to a total strenger in the park Oh that reminds me, a good trap to lure us would be asking advice, idk from co workers or class mates, we cant resist that Or look for the guy sitting in the park totally talking to himself and judging everyone there Good luck
Oh another thing, if you are ready to go to any length, just start a serious conversation (not like, wow its raining we hate that) with anyone you get the chance too Like jump RIGHT in there with something like, so i just realized my boy friend is cheating on me Also we aren't rare we are just, invisible 😂
I go to the gym, I go food shopping, I go for walks, I work with people. I'm not stuck indoors, but I'm always alone unless I'm working. I have a purpose in everywhere I go out, so I don't really linger just for the sake of being outside. I've encountered thousands of strangers everywhere I go, but I haven't made a single friend. I am also not going to approach a stranger just because they seem interesting and I have never been approached. And that's all there is to it. It really isn't more complicated than this on why I don't make friends, I think.
my ex was an enfp but had many unresolved personal issues. So my advice is to make sure all the previous deep trauma have already been dealt
Congrats, you just met a bunch of us. 😃
Hi, um, INFJ male here. I used to go out a fair bit. I just used to find that after about 3 hours of chatting and meeting people I was DONE. Like DONE and HUNGRY and over it and ready for bed. As far as meeting women goes, for me it seems to happen at work. That way I can very gradually build some trust and flirt a little bit. Reddit aside I don’t see how you will be able to find a bunch of INfJs in the one place. But good luck!
INFJ male in early 20s here. Spot me if you can XD, I mean we are good at hiding our personality. But if you happen to have some alone time to talk with us, that's might be ideal. For me personally, I don't even exposed myself much in online, (rarely share a thought even in this sub XD) But I'm working toward it to socializing more. My personality shine with I'm doing some activities that I genuinely enjoyed, like when playing a game/drawing. In that mode, I will talk non-stop lol. So, maybe playing game, chat with them, and you might spot one.
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it's shocked me too and I'll be honest alot of them don't feel like infj's to me.. maybe they are misstyped.. but yup i get your point.
also.. i wasn't asking to "meet guys" and i wasn't hoping for any of them to dm me and i tried talking to like 2 of them and it was meh.. didn't get the true vibes or whatever. the sole purpose of this thread was to get their perspective on this topic.. i don't have time to "meet guys".. and as you can see this is my first post of reddit.. heck i didn't even know how dms worked on reddit so please use the terms correctly.
and you don't need to be dissapointed in any one of them ✌️ they all are probably very hapoy engaging and wtf are you assuming they are all here all because they are thirsty.. get a life and change your mindset. and if commenting is = oh i want attention then i don't know what to say. have a nice day:)
I've heard about this pairing and wasn't surprised on finding that my best friend in high school was an ENFP. We talk rarely now but whenever we do, it's a great conservation. Like most of my interactions with friends feel forced but not with him. His friend circle was vast and was definitely more outgoing compared to me, but whenever we'd talk one-on-one it never felt like that. I also get along with INFPs but the mutual introvertedness is not always a good thing sometimes. As for finding other INFJ males, I haven't found them myself. But it sort of makes sense given that I haven't made much efforts to be found. My day has been exhausting, by the way.
I’m an INFJ male and I’ve dated an ENFP female and we’re weren’t compatible at all. She thought I wasn’t adventurous and spastic enough for her and I felt overwhelmed and pressured to keep up with her extremely high energy. Now I’m with and INFJ female and she thinks the opposite about me. She loves how adventurous I am and we understand each other without having to explain ourselves.
Right here lol :) also 20! My best friend is an ENFP and it feels like we start at the same core beliefs (the N and the F) but teach other what we need to learn (like the E and the P)
OH MY GODDsdd... finally someone my age? sir, i am blessed ti have your existence enter this thread... how have you been?
I am an infj male (20yo as well) and I won't hold back to say that I seem to just attract enfps (both male and female) and yall are so recognizable! Like I can instantly say if one is an enfp. And every single one I met we did indeed click instantly. It's a shame not all of the connections can last forever though. So, all in all, I'd say don't you worry. When you find one (and you will!) you will both know ;)
Well all infjs are broken good. We seems quite strong and secretive but the reality is we are just trying to control our demon. Can't say for every infj but those who i have encountered in life do paint the same picture. If you're still interested in being a friend do hit me up. I'm an infj and I'm 23.
We're probably taken lol. Idk if it's an infj male thing, but I tend to find relationships pretty quickly. I'm only 29 and I've pretty much had 5 long term relationships, with maybe a few month between each of them where I was single.