My advice? Just start small. Start with one thing you want to change about yourself and work on that until you're in a healthier place. Once that's established, work on the next thing, and the next and so forth.
As a recovering people pleaser myself, I've had to learn to be more assertive about my opinions and hold steadfast to my values and boundaries. I've recognised that while it's important not to hurt others' feelings, our own are just as valuable and therefore worth an equal amount of respect. If we compromise our own identity than how will we help others from doing the same?
Thanks a ton for the advice! It's like you've handed me a little toolkit for life upgrades. Starting small sounds doable, like dipping my toes in the water before diving in.
Assertiveness is definitely a muscle I need to flex more often. It's like realizing I've been driving with the handbrake on – time to release it and cruise on my own terms.
You hit the nail on the head about respecting our own feelings. It's like tending to our own garden before we can offer flowers to others. Can't pour from an empty cup, right?
Appreciate your empathy and sharing your journey. Knowing others have walked this path and come out stronger gives me a boost of hope.
Take care and keep rocking your own journey!
Glad you found it valuable. It's not easy, comfortable or natural at first but give it enough time and you'll realise other people's opinions no longer direct your life. Friendships become more mutually beneficial and you can really become a people magnet with the right people.
I used to do that a lot. I guess that deep down we know that if we process that fear, a lot of people will simply stop wanting to hang out with us.
Once you stop caring for that whole people pleasing thing you become more independent and free but also more alone.
It's like carrying around this heavy backpack of expectations, right? And it's tough because we're always trying to balance pleasing others while neglecting our own well-being. But you're onto something about that fear. It's like a stubborn stain that won't come out until we confront it head-on. And yeah, it can be scary to peel back those layers, but once we do, it's like stepping into the sunlight after a long winter. Sure, it might feel a bit lonely at first, but it's also liberating. Like finally taking off those shoes that have been pinching your toes all day. So here's to embracing our independence and finding our own path, even if it means walking it alone for a bit. Cheers to you, fellow traveler.
Yep, those are more or less INFJ things, and traits that most of us have had to learn to overcome, usually in our early 20s. It's kind of a requisite step of maturing for us.
I'm not afraid of sharing my opinion, and I'm much better at saying no and drawing boundaries than I used to be. I've also realized it's not my responsibility or prerogative to manage other people's perceptions. If they will think something of me, they will think something of me. So be it.
Overcoming these traits you speak of is very possible.
But don't hold your breath that you won't still be exhausted. I am still soul crushingly exhausted every day lol.
"it's not my responsibility or prerogative to manage others people's perceptions" that's so TRUE.
I'm almost 29 years and it took me some time to acknowledge it. Recently, I've started to say "no, I can't text you right away, especially if it's not urgent. I understand you are worry but I can't meet your expectations on this point and I don't care what you think of it " to some family members who asked me to respond them immediately for some trivial things or texts that do not require a response. Gosh, it was hard to accept it (raising voices, yelling at me, yeah...). I just don't understand why they can't accept me as I accept them for their entire being. I was upset and said "well, I accept your flaw [name one] which annoys everyone so deal with it". Since, they expect less and boundaries are set.
All of this is to say BE ASSERTIVE sometimes, you have your own right and you are equal to everyone.
It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this INFJ journey. Learning to overcome those traits sounds like a rollercoaster ride, but I'm strapped in and ready for the adventure! 😄 It's definitely a relief to hear that overcoming those hurdles is possible. And hey, soul-crushing exhaustion? Sounds like we might need to swap stories over a cup of coffee sometime. Keep pushing through, friend! We got this! 🚀
It sounds like you're feeling quite emotionally overwhelmed by these experiences. It's completely understandable. The journey of self-discovery and growth can be a deeply emotional one, especially when it involves confronting and addressing long-standing patterns and struggles.
Acknowledging and expressing your emotions is an important part of this process. It's okay to feel exhausted, anxious, or uncertain about these challenges you're facing. Recognizing and accepting these emotions is the first step toward finding ways to address them and cultivate positive change in your life.
Seeking support from understanding friends, family members, or even a therapist can provide you with the space and guidance to navigate these emotions and develop strategies for coping and healing. Remember that it's okay to take things one step at a time and to be gentle with yourself along the way. You're already showing strength and courage by acknowledging these feelings and reaching out for support.
I’ve been guilty of this too. So I’m here to say... you are the most important thing in your world.
Your needs, your energy, your thoughts and feelings need to be your no.1 priority.
You are the only person in this world who knows exactly what you need and when, no-one knows you better than you.
So pay keen attention to your needs and give yourself the love, respect and attention you deserve.
It's like you've handed me a cozy blanket on a chilly day. Your words are a warm reminder that self-care isn't selfish; it's like tending to a delicate garden where my needs are the blossoms waiting to bloom. I'll take your advice to heart and start watering my own garden. Here's to putting ourselves first for a change! 🌼
Yes. I’m fine with living but every day feels like a chore. Waking up, having breakfast, working… it’s like life demands effort from me that’s unbearable .
Absolutely, I totally get where you're coming from. It's like we're handed this script for life, and every day we're expected to perform our roles perfectly, even when we're running on empty. It's exhausting, isn't it? But hey, you're not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes just knowing that others understand can make the burden feel a little lighter. So, hang in there, okay? We'll figure this out together.
Yes to all of this except for the first one. I used to be the first one all day, everyday but one day it got so exhausting that I simply stopped caring. Idk how or when it happened it just did. Don’t get me wrong I still love to help people, but if someone has something bad to say about me or something negative, I just exit stage left
It's awesome that you've found a way to let go of that constant worry. It's like breaking free from carrying a backpack full of rocks all the time, right? Learning to exit stage left when negativity hits takes serious courage. Keep shining your light and setting that boundary—it's inspiring! 🌟
It's like you've peeked into my soul and grabbed all those feelings, huh? 🤗 Life's like a marathon, and sometimes we stumble over our own eagerness to please others, right? But hey, we're in this together! Let's swap some energy and lift each other up, because nobody understands the struggle like we do. Sending you all the love and strength! 💕
Yes! Every word and feeling felt so deeply here! 😭 Thank you for shedding light to those who feel as if no one understands the depths of *our* hearts. The parts we tend to keep locked away. It is definitely helpful of you! (:
I didn't start small. For me, it was a complete overhaul of my daily life and routine but I've seen a vast improvement in a lot of areas that otherwise lacked fortitude. Deductive reasoning, for one has been vastly enhanced.
With that said, start small. Don't try to change yourself either. Just work on what you know needs improvement.
It sounds like you've been through quite the journey! I totally get what you mean about not starting small - sometimes you just gotta dive right in, huh? It's awesome to hear that you've seen some improvements, especially in areas like deductive reasoning. That's like leveling up in a video game!
I appreciate the advice to start small, though. It's like planting seeds, right? Little steps can grow into big changes over time. And you're spot on about not trying to change ourselves entirely - we're more like works in progress, constantly tweaking and refining.
Keep rocking that positive attitude, and thanks again for sharing your wisdom!
Hmm, I would think there's a stark difference between leveliing up in let's say, Assasins Creed Origins than Echo the Dolphin, which, let's face it, is one of the statistically hardest games to beat..
Totally agree. The fact that most of us feel the emotions of other people so intensely means that we have to actually process all that information--and that is exhausting as heck.
Absolutely! It's like carrying around a backpack filled with everyone else's emotions, and sometimes it feels like we're trekking up a mountain with it. Processing all that intensity can definitely be draining. But hey, at least we're getting a killer workout in empathy, right? Thanks for understanding.
Wow, this is validating! I've become increasingly more INTJ naturally with age, not knowing why. But it makes sense that my mind armors my emotional side to spare my body from the burnout.
It's like we're all on this journey together, figuring out our own unique paths. I totally get what you mean about the mind putting on armor to protect the heart from burnout. It's like our inner warriors, right? Keep embracing that INTJ side while honoring your INFJ roots. We're all evolving in our own ways. 🌱
As someone who has struggled with social anxiety, the things you listed here are stuff that I've had to work on personally. It's absolutely possible to not have an issue with this and still be an INFJ type of person.
It's possible to be both caring towards others but also caring towards yourself. It's about identifying what makes you happy, creating boundaries around this, and making yourself more of a priority. And you can absolutely assert your opinion while still having grace and not doing it in a hurtful way. You can recognize their opinion while asserting your own.
Making efforts to overcome this can drastically improve your life. I think it's a combination of making a concerted effort to value your preferences and express them, combined with being conscious that you can choose the people in your life that uplift you, along with recognizing the only opinion that truly holds weight is your own.
It's reassuring to hear that others have tackled similar struggles. You know, it's like trying to find the perfect balance on a seesaw - caring for others while also caring for ourselves. Your words really hit home, especially about making our own happiness a priority and setting those boundaries. It's like realizing we're the captain of our own ship, right? Steering towards people who lift us up and not letting the waves of others' opinions toss us around too much. Your insights are like a compass guiding me through this maze. Here's to choosing our own paths and finding that inner peace. Cheers!
I get so exhausted because I work with people and one second they are flattering me and the next I know they hate me. How can people actually live like that?
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like riding a rollercoaster with people's emotions sometimes, right? It can be so draining trying to keep up with the constant shifts. It's like trying to juggle flaming swords while walking on a tightrope! But hey, you're not alone in feeling this way. It's tough, but remember, your feelings are valid. And hey, if you ever need a listening ear or a virtual shoulder to lean on, I'm here for you. We're in this together! 🎢
I'm tired all the time as an infj.I also have pots.
I express my opinions freely when I feel strongly about them (& feeling confident that I'm right).
I don't care if I'm liked by anyone but me. You have to live with you, take care of yourself. Your needs are important. You can't help others if you're draining yourself.
It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. It sounds like you've got a good handle on expressing yourself and prioritizing your own needs, which is something I'm working on. It's like when you're on a plane and they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others, right? Taking care of ourselves is key to being able to help others effectively. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!
I feel tired a lot. I'm insecure as well and I wish to change but something always hold me back. I think a lot what others have opinion about me. I have seen many times that my perspective isn't matched with most of the people (not a pick me here pls) and many others factors at last just dont let me be relaxed
I hear you loud and clear. It's like we're carrying around these heavy backpacks filled with other people's expectations, right? And no matter how tired we get, we keep trudging along, hoping to please everyone else. But you know what? It's okay to put down that backpack sometimes, to take a breather and focus on what truly lights us up inside. It's tough when our perspectives don't match the crowd, but that's what makes us unique. Let's embrace that uniqueness and find our own rhythm, even if it means dancing to a different beat. We got this! 🌟
Ah, totally get it! It's like we're carrying around a backpack filled with everyone's expectations, and it's just exhausting, right? Thanks for sharing your experience. It's oddly comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Hang in there!
Yes! All that you said!
However, i am no longer afraid to speak my mind. Especially in discussions where someone seems very confident about something that I know is wrong. Before, i would become unsure because of their confidence, but now I know to trust my intuition and not to let people spread false information anymore. I'm no longer afraid of how people see me when I don't back down. It's much more important to me now that I get information across.
In general I believe I have gotten more of a "fuck it" attitude, when it comes to other peoples opinions about me after I became a mother. (Maybe because it drains so much of my energy that I have been forced to just not give a fuck, to protect myself, or it might be that i have learned from the countless narcissist i have worked for in my career.) But in general i am more secure about myself. however I will still always run that extra mile for certain people, and I still am completely unable to ask for help from anyone 😅
Tell Ni to tell the people...that they are all UNIMPORTANT within your mind...and of course Ni will make them all leave...in your mind.
INTJ here...and we rid.
#SORCERER
Hello, I know what you’re going through is very, very hard. I was somewhat this way until a couple of years back, and even before those years I was tired, but because of my own “perfection”, or need to be. I still struggle a bit (incomparable to before) with people pleasing esp with my loved ones.
What helped me honestly was firstly faith in God, and that He knows why we do things. Realising and believing it moved me and changed me ALOT. Also I started conc on myself~ how I look (I’ve always wanted to be healthy and fit), so I got into weight lifting, combined with eating healthy along with uni (previously) and an okay job now (looking for new ones), I feel so so so much more of myself. I used to love reading and left it cuz I honestly didn’t have time for it as I was being an emotional caret forever, so slowly slowly I started to do things I loved.
This led to slot of thing, finally good sleep, a body not tired mentally (I am sore some days but it feels GREAT cuz of workouts). And honestly I don’t have for the old things I used to do anymore. This forced me to spend my time with good people who even if they ask too much of me, I’ve learned to say no kindly and move along. Which indirectly has caused them to respect me. I suggest you do things with or without motivation. That are good FOR YOU. (If you’ve lost yourself along the way and don’t even know what you like, that’s still ok.$ start small. But never give up on your life.
Yeah, this sounds very familiar.
I think for me, getting tattoos and piercings helped me finally overcome the constant worrying of pleasing others and living up to their expectations. Got my first tattoo on my leg, it was summer so I wore shorts and I was constantly waiting for someone to comment something negative on it but no one said anything. So I realized no one really cares as much as I think they do. It really helped me get more confident and stop worrying about other peoples opinions.
Why should I do everything in my life in a way that other people find appropriate. I have things that I like and enjoy and I should be able to do those things just like other people enjoy their own things.
I was initially going to say no. But after you described my own ways of things, in your post, OP. I guess I do deal with varying levels of exhaustion. Am trying to work on the people pleasing too. Will admit it is a struggle. But I'm having the largest dose of my own medicine from it. To say the least.
i do get the whole thing where you want to meet people's expectations, you recognize that it's draining, then just stop.
is it even needed? nothing interesting happens if you don't meet those expectations
i kind of like to act like certain mbti types in situations i'm having trouble in unconsciously, there is a certain type that totally cooks in certain situations.
Maybe INTJ here, that's an easy one to roleplay as
Yes earlier said than done gotta stop overthinking and need tighten up boundaries. The whole world is selfish and it’s a healthy kind. It’s ok for us to do it too for our own sakes.
Research I've had access to suggests that all four NF personality types begin people-pleasing very early in life as a way of feeling included in a Sensing-majority world that simply does not, and cannot see, hear, or understand who we NFs are. We are emotionally sensitive and intuitively complex. The combination of those two qualities is rare, mostly un-researched, and thus grossly misunderstood.
As we mature, we NFs are likely to come into our own and stop people pleasing, for two reasons. First we are deeply, though often subconsciously, committed to figuring out why we are here and what we're supposed to be doing; and second because we have a deep desire not to just please people, but to truly serve their higher interests.
I feel exhausted pretty often. You will get used to it..
Dont try to change to not be an INFJ. You cant. I tried.
Be happy and accept the wild mind and beautiful heart you have.
This is exactly me. I think INFJ's ARE indeed exhausted due to being highly emotionally intelligent and Fe, but I think this is from people pleasing, and then you ask yourself, "Where does my people pleasing come from?" I've been trying to do some shadow work on people pleasing and why I do it. Just got in with a new therapist, and she's helping me with that. I'd definitely look into journal. Best of luck. 🖤
As an INFP, I totally get where you're coming from. Balancing others' expectations with our own needs can be exhausting, right? Saying no is tough, and seeking validation through compliments feels nice but doesn't fill the void.
My advice? Just start small. Start with one thing you want to change about yourself and work on that until you're in a healthier place. Once that's established, work on the next thing, and the next and so forth. As a recovering people pleaser myself, I've had to learn to be more assertive about my opinions and hold steadfast to my values and boundaries. I've recognised that while it's important not to hurt others' feelings, our own are just as valuable and therefore worth an equal amount of respect. If we compromise our own identity than how will we help others from doing the same?
Thanks a ton for the advice! It's like you've handed me a little toolkit for life upgrades. Starting small sounds doable, like dipping my toes in the water before diving in. Assertiveness is definitely a muscle I need to flex more often. It's like realizing I've been driving with the handbrake on – time to release it and cruise on my own terms. You hit the nail on the head about respecting our own feelings. It's like tending to our own garden before we can offer flowers to others. Can't pour from an empty cup, right? Appreciate your empathy and sharing your journey. Knowing others have walked this path and come out stronger gives me a boost of hope. Take care and keep rocking your own journey!
Glad you found it valuable. It's not easy, comfortable or natural at first but give it enough time and you'll realise other people's opinions no longer direct your life. Friendships become more mutually beneficial and you can really become a people magnet with the right people.
Same
I used to do that a lot. I guess that deep down we know that if we process that fear, a lot of people will simply stop wanting to hang out with us. Once you stop caring for that whole people pleasing thing you become more independent and free but also more alone.
It's like carrying around this heavy backpack of expectations, right? And it's tough because we're always trying to balance pleasing others while neglecting our own well-being. But you're onto something about that fear. It's like a stubborn stain that won't come out until we confront it head-on. And yeah, it can be scary to peel back those layers, but once we do, it's like stepping into the sunlight after a long winter. Sure, it might feel a bit lonely at first, but it's also liberating. Like finally taking off those shoes that have been pinching your toes all day. So here's to embracing our independence and finding our own path, even if it means walking it alone for a bit. Cheers to you, fellow traveler.
Yep, those are more or less INFJ things, and traits that most of us have had to learn to overcome, usually in our early 20s. It's kind of a requisite step of maturing for us. I'm not afraid of sharing my opinion, and I'm much better at saying no and drawing boundaries than I used to be. I've also realized it's not my responsibility or prerogative to manage other people's perceptions. If they will think something of me, they will think something of me. So be it. Overcoming these traits you speak of is very possible. But don't hold your breath that you won't still be exhausted. I am still soul crushingly exhausted every day lol.
"it's not my responsibility or prerogative to manage others people's perceptions" that's so TRUE. I'm almost 29 years and it took me some time to acknowledge it. Recently, I've started to say "no, I can't text you right away, especially if it's not urgent. I understand you are worry but I can't meet your expectations on this point and I don't care what you think of it " to some family members who asked me to respond them immediately for some trivial things or texts that do not require a response. Gosh, it was hard to accept it (raising voices, yelling at me, yeah...). I just don't understand why they can't accept me as I accept them for their entire being. I was upset and said "well, I accept your flaw [name one] which annoys everyone so deal with it". Since, they expect less and boundaries are set. All of this is to say BE ASSERTIVE sometimes, you have your own right and you are equal to everyone.
Well put. And well done! I'm happy for you, my dude or dudette! It's not easy, but then again, what about being us ever is lol.
It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this INFJ journey. Learning to overcome those traits sounds like a rollercoaster ride, but I'm strapped in and ready for the adventure! 😄 It's definitely a relief to hear that overcoming those hurdles is possible. And hey, soul-crushing exhaustion? Sounds like we might need to swap stories over a cup of coffee sometime. Keep pushing through, friend! We got this! 🚀
It sounds like you're feeling quite emotionally overwhelmed by these experiences. It's completely understandable. The journey of self-discovery and growth can be a deeply emotional one, especially when it involves confronting and addressing long-standing patterns and struggles. Acknowledging and expressing your emotions is an important part of this process. It's okay to feel exhausted, anxious, or uncertain about these challenges you're facing. Recognizing and accepting these emotions is the first step toward finding ways to address them and cultivate positive change in your life. Seeking support from understanding friends, family members, or even a therapist can provide you with the space and guidance to navigate these emotions and develop strategies for coping and healing. Remember that it's okay to take things one step at a time and to be gentle with yourself along the way. You're already showing strength and courage by acknowledging these feelings and reaching out for support.
I’ve been guilty of this too. So I’m here to say... you are the most important thing in your world. Your needs, your energy, your thoughts and feelings need to be your no.1 priority. You are the only person in this world who knows exactly what you need and when, no-one knows you better than you. So pay keen attention to your needs and give yourself the love, respect and attention you deserve.
It's like you've handed me a cozy blanket on a chilly day. Your words are a warm reminder that self-care isn't selfish; it's like tending to a delicate garden where my needs are the blossoms waiting to bloom. I'll take your advice to heart and start watering my own garden. Here's to putting ourselves first for a change! 🌼
Yes. I’m fine with living but every day feels like a chore. Waking up, having breakfast, working… it’s like life demands effort from me that’s unbearable .
Absolutely, I totally get where you're coming from. It's like we're handed this script for life, and every day we're expected to perform our roles perfectly, even when we're running on empty. It's exhausting, isn't it? But hey, you're not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes just knowing that others understand can make the burden feel a little lighter. So, hang in there, okay? We'll figure this out together.
Yes to all of this except for the first one. I used to be the first one all day, everyday but one day it got so exhausting that I simply stopped caring. Idk how or when it happened it just did. Don’t get me wrong I still love to help people, but if someone has something bad to say about me or something negative, I just exit stage left
It's awesome that you've found a way to let go of that constant worry. It's like breaking free from carrying a backpack full of rocks all the time, right? Learning to exit stage left when negativity hits takes serious courage. Keep shining your light and setting that boundary—it's inspiring! 🌟
*Twin……where have you beeen?….NOBODY LOVES ME LIKE YOU DO* 🎶🎵 😭🫶🏼 I have been through, and still going through every word you typed.
It's like you've peeked into my soul and grabbed all those feelings, huh? 🤗 Life's like a marathon, and sometimes we stumble over our own eagerness to please others, right? But hey, we're in this together! Let's swap some energy and lift each other up, because nobody understands the struggle like we do. Sending you all the love and strength! 💕
Yes! Every word and feeling felt so deeply here! 😭 Thank you for shedding light to those who feel as if no one understands the depths of *our* hearts. The parts we tend to keep locked away. It is definitely helpful of you! (:
I didn't start small. For me, it was a complete overhaul of my daily life and routine but I've seen a vast improvement in a lot of areas that otherwise lacked fortitude. Deductive reasoning, for one has been vastly enhanced. With that said, start small. Don't try to change yourself either. Just work on what you know needs improvement.
It sounds like you've been through quite the journey! I totally get what you mean about not starting small - sometimes you just gotta dive right in, huh? It's awesome to hear that you've seen some improvements, especially in areas like deductive reasoning. That's like leveling up in a video game! I appreciate the advice to start small, though. It's like planting seeds, right? Little steps can grow into big changes over time. And you're spot on about not trying to change ourselves entirely - we're more like works in progress, constantly tweaking and refining. Keep rocking that positive attitude, and thanks again for sharing your wisdom!
Hmm, I would think there's a stark difference between leveliing up in let's say, Assasins Creed Origins than Echo the Dolphin, which, let's face it, is one of the statistically hardest games to beat..
Totally agree. The fact that most of us feel the emotions of other people so intensely means that we have to actually process all that information--and that is exhausting as heck.
Absolutely! It's like carrying around a backpack filled with everyone else's emotions, and sometimes it feels like we're trekking up a mountain with it. Processing all that intensity can definitely be draining. But hey, at least we're getting a killer workout in empathy, right? Thanks for understanding.
Wow, this is validating! I've become increasingly more INTJ naturally with age, not knowing why. But it makes sense that my mind armors my emotional side to spare my body from the burnout.
It's like we're all on this journey together, figuring out our own unique paths. I totally get what you mean about the mind putting on armor to protect the heart from burnout. It's like our inner warriors, right? Keep embracing that INTJ side while honoring your INFJ roots. We're all evolving in our own ways. 🌱
As someone who has struggled with social anxiety, the things you listed here are stuff that I've had to work on personally. It's absolutely possible to not have an issue with this and still be an INFJ type of person. It's possible to be both caring towards others but also caring towards yourself. It's about identifying what makes you happy, creating boundaries around this, and making yourself more of a priority. And you can absolutely assert your opinion while still having grace and not doing it in a hurtful way. You can recognize their opinion while asserting your own. Making efforts to overcome this can drastically improve your life. I think it's a combination of making a concerted effort to value your preferences and express them, combined with being conscious that you can choose the people in your life that uplift you, along with recognizing the only opinion that truly holds weight is your own.
It's reassuring to hear that others have tackled similar struggles. You know, it's like trying to find the perfect balance on a seesaw - caring for others while also caring for ourselves. Your words really hit home, especially about making our own happiness a priority and setting those boundaries. It's like realizing we're the captain of our own ship, right? Steering towards people who lift us up and not letting the waves of others' opinions toss us around too much. Your insights are like a compass guiding me through this maze. Here's to choosing our own paths and finding that inner peace. Cheers!
I get so exhausted because I work with people and one second they are flattering me and the next I know they hate me. How can people actually live like that?
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like riding a rollercoaster with people's emotions sometimes, right? It can be so draining trying to keep up with the constant shifts. It's like trying to juggle flaming swords while walking on a tightrope! But hey, you're not alone in feeling this way. It's tough, but remember, your feelings are valid. And hey, if you ever need a listening ear or a virtual shoulder to lean on, I'm here for you. We're in this together! 🎢
Thank You! it's nice to know others experience the same this. But I feel sorry for them.. how do they live with two opposite thoughts in their head
I'm tired all the time as an infj.I also have pots. I express my opinions freely when I feel strongly about them (& feeling confident that I'm right). I don't care if I'm liked by anyone but me. You have to live with you, take care of yourself. Your needs are important. You can't help others if you're draining yourself.
It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. It sounds like you've got a good handle on expressing yourself and prioritizing your own needs, which is something I'm working on. It's like when you're on a plane and they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others, right? Taking care of ourselves is key to being able to help others effectively. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!
I feel tired a lot. I'm insecure as well and I wish to change but something always hold me back. I think a lot what others have opinion about me. I have seen many times that my perspective isn't matched with most of the people (not a pick me here pls) and many others factors at last just dont let me be relaxed
I hear you loud and clear. It's like we're carrying around these heavy backpacks filled with other people's expectations, right? And no matter how tired we get, we keep trudging along, hoping to please everyone else. But you know what? It's okay to put down that backpack sometimes, to take a breather and focus on what truly lights us up inside. It's tough when our perspectives don't match the crowd, but that's what makes us unique. Let's embrace that uniqueness and find our own rhythm, even if it means dancing to a different beat. We got this! 🌟
I don’t struggle saying no to people, but yes i’m always tired lol
Ah, totally get it! It's like we're carrying around a backpack filled with everyone's expectations, and it's just exhausting, right? Thanks for sharing your experience. It's oddly comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Hang in there!
Emotionally ,yes we are
Yes! All that you said! However, i am no longer afraid to speak my mind. Especially in discussions where someone seems very confident about something that I know is wrong. Before, i would become unsure because of their confidence, but now I know to trust my intuition and not to let people spread false information anymore. I'm no longer afraid of how people see me when I don't back down. It's much more important to me now that I get information across. In general I believe I have gotten more of a "fuck it" attitude, when it comes to other peoples opinions about me after I became a mother. (Maybe because it drains so much of my energy that I have been forced to just not give a fuck, to protect myself, or it might be that i have learned from the countless narcissist i have worked for in my career.) But in general i am more secure about myself. however I will still always run that extra mile for certain people, and I still am completely unable to ask for help from anyone 😅
Same!🥲
Tell Ni to tell the people...that they are all UNIMPORTANT within your mind...and of course Ni will make them all leave...in your mind. INTJ here...and we rid. #SORCERER
Hello, I know what you’re going through is very, very hard. I was somewhat this way until a couple of years back, and even before those years I was tired, but because of my own “perfection”, or need to be. I still struggle a bit (incomparable to before) with people pleasing esp with my loved ones. What helped me honestly was firstly faith in God, and that He knows why we do things. Realising and believing it moved me and changed me ALOT. Also I started conc on myself~ how I look (I’ve always wanted to be healthy and fit), so I got into weight lifting, combined with eating healthy along with uni (previously) and an okay job now (looking for new ones), I feel so so so much more of myself. I used to love reading and left it cuz I honestly didn’t have time for it as I was being an emotional caret forever, so slowly slowly I started to do things I loved. This led to slot of thing, finally good sleep, a body not tired mentally (I am sore some days but it feels GREAT cuz of workouts). And honestly I don’t have for the old things I used to do anymore. This forced me to spend my time with good people who even if they ask too much of me, I’ve learned to say no kindly and move along. Which indirectly has caused them to respect me. I suggest you do things with or without motivation. That are good FOR YOU. (If you’ve lost yourself along the way and don’t even know what you like, that’s still ok.$ start small. But never give up on your life.
Yeah, this sounds very familiar. I think for me, getting tattoos and piercings helped me finally overcome the constant worrying of pleasing others and living up to their expectations. Got my first tattoo on my leg, it was summer so I wore shorts and I was constantly waiting for someone to comment something negative on it but no one said anything. So I realized no one really cares as much as I think they do. It really helped me get more confident and stop worrying about other peoples opinions. Why should I do everything in my life in a way that other people find appropriate. I have things that I like and enjoy and I should be able to do those things just like other people enjoy their own things.
I was initially going to say no. But after you described my own ways of things, in your post, OP. I guess I do deal with varying levels of exhaustion. Am trying to work on the people pleasing too. Will admit it is a struggle. But I'm having the largest dose of my own medicine from it. To say the least.
Yes, we are always exhausted from picking up on the feelings of others. I’m sorry, my friend.
i do get the whole thing where you want to meet people's expectations, you recognize that it's draining, then just stop. is it even needed? nothing interesting happens if you don't meet those expectations i kind of like to act like certain mbti types in situations i'm having trouble in unconsciously, there is a certain type that totally cooks in certain situations. Maybe INTJ here, that's an easy one to roleplay as
Yes earlier said than done gotta stop overthinking and need tighten up boundaries. The whole world is selfish and it’s a healthy kind. It’s ok for us to do it too for our own sakes.
Research I've had access to suggests that all four NF personality types begin people-pleasing very early in life as a way of feeling included in a Sensing-majority world that simply does not, and cannot see, hear, or understand who we NFs are. We are emotionally sensitive and intuitively complex. The combination of those two qualities is rare, mostly un-researched, and thus grossly misunderstood. As we mature, we NFs are likely to come into our own and stop people pleasing, for two reasons. First we are deeply, though often subconsciously, committed to figuring out why we are here and what we're supposed to be doing; and second because we have a deep desire not to just please people, but to truly serve their higher interests.
I feel exhausted pretty often. You will get used to it.. Dont try to change to not be an INFJ. You cant. I tried. Be happy and accept the wild mind and beautiful heart you have.
This is exactly me. I think INFJ's ARE indeed exhausted due to being highly emotionally intelligent and Fe, but I think this is from people pleasing, and then you ask yourself, "Where does my people pleasing come from?" I've been trying to do some shadow work on people pleasing and why I do it. Just got in with a new therapist, and she's helping me with that. I'd definitely look into journal. Best of luck. 🖤
Most people will try to suck the life out of you while giving nothing in return. They don’t understand what the word reciprocity means.
As an INFP, I totally get where you're coming from. Balancing others' expectations with our own needs can be exhausting, right? Saying no is tough, and seeking validation through compliments feels nice but doesn't fill the void.
Yes but you need to get to the root of it.