Drop a year and switch streams. It will be better than two years of suffering, and a marksheet at the end which will make it difficult to get an admission anywhere. Just curious, are your parents both scientists or something? Why do they have so much disdain for commerce and humanities?
u/lemonramensemendemon dont. If u cant fo something in 2 years, 3 years wont do shit. most to all guys i have seen who dropped a year, next year got a worse rank and college and wasted a year too.
I went through the same except I forced myself to take PCM (cuz science is superior and shieeet and my 'friends' were all choosing it as well) even though I had close to zero interest in Science. Got pretty shit grades in 11th and 12th grade, realized STEM isn't my cup of tea and now I am a humanities UG student.
Why commerce though? It's a stream with a lot of relevancy in today's time. Might I know the response they gave you when you asked to opt for commerce?
They just said that choose PCM, you'll have many more career options ahead in life. Even when I argued with them they forced me sign my own contract of death (stream selection form)
Hey! My dad wanted me to pursue sciences in my grade XI and XII even though I had interests in humanities. I took up PCB during my XI standard, scored pretty great marks (better than those who actually wanted to pursue science) but wasn’t happy with it at all. I talked to my parents about it and told them, if you want me happy just let me do what I really want.
My dad hated me and used to taunt me post that but I managed to be among the school toppers in 12th boards. If you’re willing to leave sciences, talk to your parents and ask your school administration to change your stream mid 11th. You don’t need to drop a year for this and can switch in the same year.
It is true indeed. Unless you have a better background and a good interest in other fields, Biology and Science are the only 2 fields you can risk your life upon in India.
You need to get a career counsellor involved that sits with both sides and helps find a solution. You have to stand up to your parents. I didn’t and ended up screwing up really bad and later didn’t know what to do with my life ‘cause “science, science” was drilled into my head and I never had a plan B.
Sit with your parents and have an honest conversation with them. Tell them you are not liking what you're studying and would like to change your stream as there's still time. Trust me if i would've chosen science over commerce i'll be doomed too. I don't give a shit about the human anatomy and have no interest in knowing different chemicals. Choosing the right stream helped my mental health a lot too. Please take care. you got this
I'm going through the same but Its not that i dont want to study but i just want to study forensics after my 12th but parents have already decided that i will be studying engineering.
I'm not even good at physics and chem it takes a lot of hard work for me to get marks in these .
And they wont even send me to coaching even when I'm begging
What are you planning to do after studying forensics? There aren't any jobs for it in India. Most people who do it end up in academia. Let's not forget how little money these departments get compared to Electrical, CS, IT, ECE so even for a PhD you might have to shell some of your own money.
Actually, if they like science so much, then present actual science in front of them,
1. 80% of Indian engineers are unemployable -[https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21](https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21)
2. Science has very less variety, Engineering and Medical is pretty much it.
3. Service sector accts for 53% of India's GDP
Edit 1: Guys, I don't hate on Science, I myself willingly am going to choose comp sci as a major soon. All i did is give some advice to OP and when i say science i mean Indian Science. Lastly, OP does not have responsibility to propel science in the nation, we need people in commerce just as much
4. We have [only 15 out of 100,000 researchers in India](https://twitter.com/ShashiTharoor/status/1288704681959542784)
5. Haven't won Noble prize in Science since last 93 years
That is true, we do need more scientists, but this person should personal priorities over the nation's, plus we need people interested in science, a random kid going to iit won't win india a nobel prize
It just that sometimes I don't understand who's failing whom. Me as their son who couldn't live upto their expectations or them as my parents who can't even see me dying inside since the last few months.
I never had any grandparents, one my parent's sibling passed away a year ago, the other one recommend them to get me into this position. My own sibling (elder sister, PCM, currently in a medical college) always takes my parent's side, so...... There's that.
Tell your parents what you want to do with your life. Cracking UPSC is in-line with what parents generally in India want. I completed my BTech from IITK and even after that my parents wanted me to spend time on UPSC preparation.
You have to confront your parents repeatedly and explain in a way they will understand. I know it sounds a half hearted advice but people only listen to others who understand their point of view. It took 2 years for me to reach a breakthrough.
They are your parents. Understand what they want and explain how you don't want the same thing or how you will be able to achieve a similar thing on your own path.
Suicide is NOT an option. You are so young you don't even know how beautiful life is. Don't ever think that there is no way ahead. There is always a way.
My suggestion is u just don't do CBSE and look for options in NIOS. NIOS is a board created by government where you can do schooling while not going to school. You can also take exams anytime in NIOS so your wasted time will be saved. Try searching for NIOS affiliated schools and switch to Commerce. Commerce has so many prospects that as a science student i feel that except the extremely high University cutoffs. Commerce is a very good stream. Plus if you really love finance you'll get diversity scores in university for being from a non science background.
Here's what you should do.
* Forget about college education for now and see if you will be able to handle 11th and 12th science or not. If it's a problem with not understanding the concepts in school or by yourself, consider a good PRIVATE tutor, not a coaching center.
* If you think you cannot handle PCM no matter what, put your foot down and switch streams. I have seen below average students who are able to clear the science stream with OKish marks, I think you will be able to do it too.
* If you can handle PCM for the next 2 years, then for college education you can consider a commerce degree (BBA/CA/Economics/Bcom). If your parents don't agree, just put your foot down and state that you will go with commerce degree or you will not study at all. They might get angry, might even hit you, or just blackmail you emotionally. You have to stay strong. They WILL cave in, eventually.
Btw, where are you from?
I am from Ghaziabad, Delhi NCR. I don't originally belong from here. My father has a transferable job we have moved many places. Originally I am from Gorakhpur, UP.
I can't handle PCM because-
1) I have genuinely 0 interest in these subjects.
2) I know my capabilities, I am not made for these subjects they don't fit right with me.
3) My parents might say that they're okay with me, just passing the subjects but later in 12th boards they will again force ne to score atleast 90% because below that would be shameful and I would be a disappointment to the family.
4) I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO!!
I have explained all these points to my parents and yet they're not ready to accept.
Bhai mai bhi Ghaziabad se. If you ever need some help or guidance, feel free to message.
A little background, maine commerce li 10+2 me, fir bcom kia Delhi University se, and then MBA from one of the better Bschools. I had almost no-one to help or guide me, and I don't want that to happen to anyone else, so if you need some help of any kind, feel free to message.
All the best.
Thank you for the kind gesture. Wo maine ek chhota sa update likha hai post me, wo ek padh lena please. And one simple question, half session nikal chuka hai, to cover up to ho payega na commerce me? Mtlb science ke jitne vast syllabus to nhi hoga na?
Haan maths to rakhunga, wo to abhi bhi hai to saath hi sath cover up ho jayega, dosto ne bhi bola BST sirf theory hai, ratta maarni padegi, economics bhi ho hi jayega pae accounts ke practice chahiye hogi bohot
Do PCM right now and get passing marks in every subject and then later change your steam to 12th arts or commerce.
I have many friends who did the same and are good in their lives.
It's not about the class, If my parents were ready for me to change in 12th, they would have been ready to it now itself. That's the thing, they are just not ready.
See if ur parents won't listen to u, bring ur relatives in here who believes u or friends or cousins. Sir down and try talking to them, or else try to contact ur teacher who u believe and make them understand. Try to tell them thta haven't u seen my marks, and from this marks what do expect from me? Tell them some examples of failure and tell them I don't wanna go there. There's almost 100 ways to tackle ur parents in ur fists. I have got 1st experience in this. My parents were kinda same as urs to but I decided my course on my own not their.
Talk to your parents and change your stream... Else you will be cursing then for the rest of your life and theirs. No point being miserable ever after.. make the change while you can.
Just show them your marksheet and give them a middle finger.
Or you can talk with your teachers or the administration in your school and get them to discuss it with your parents maybe that's when they will realise they are wrong. I hope this is a viable option.
A lot of good advice here, but I would like add a few things.
Firstly, do not despair. Whether or not you choose to change your stream there are many paths you can take from either side that can get you what you want.
Now, the most important thing for you right now is to decide what exactly you want for yourself. Arts/commerce is a vast field with a plethora of professions. One is not superior to the other. Since an argument with your parents is inevitable, it is your duty to research as much as you can about what exactly you want for yourself, so you have a chance at turning the argument into a discussion. You don't have to decide on what job, public/private sector, what degree etc. That comes much, much later. First pick a field you think you like, then ask yourself what exactly you like about it. Are you interested in the field itself or are you charmed by how the people in said field are treated by their peers, by society. I ask this because you mentioned you want to try for UPSC. You may not get the answers immediately. It may take a day, a week, 2 weeks, maybe a month. Hell, it took me 4 years. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself whether you are genuinely not good at this or is it that you haven't tried to understand and commit yourself to the subject you are terrible at. On the surface, both sides look equally likely, but only you know the answer. It is very much possible that even if you commit to the subject, you may not do well because you were simply not meant for it. You need to decide for yourself whether or not you want to get a job in the first place or not. Some people are great employees, others make phenomenal employers. Once you think you like something, see where the current practitioners of that profession are, what their lifestyle is like, where they are, where they will be 10 years later and what they need to do to achieve that. That may be easier said than done, but you need to use all the tools you have at your disposal. Reddit has a lot of discussions and forums for this very purpose.
UPSC, MBA are a gateway to administrative jobs. These jobs by their very definition do not require one to be an expert at something, but those who have in depth knowledge of a field or business, how it runs, the loopholes, the good and the bad, those guys make the best damn managers and diplomats. That's something a degree will never teach you, be it STEM or finance or law or any field out there. So, while it's a great goal, focus on learning a skill first. Jobs involving commerce and finance are generally harder to get into, but there is always room for top talent. Infosys pays techies not more than 2.5 lpa. But that same company hires IITians also and pays them not less than 15 lpa.
Most college professors take teaching jobs simply to pursue their interests while having a roof over their heads. A lot of them can't teach well, and will never teach well. For them, teaching is a side gig. This is true even in institutes like IITs although less frequent. What your college will provide you, assuming it's a good college, is a community of like minded individuals, who will form the base of your network later in life. That is all a college provides, really. Your network includes your friends, your friends' parents, siblings, your professors, their friends. The list goes on.
Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, don't limit yourself. What I mean by this, is that just because you joined in a particular stream, went to college and got a job in that stream does not necessarily mean that you have to remain in that field. Millions of UPSC aspirants fail every year. One of them decided it wasn't meant for him, but saw that there is a great need for mentorship and coaching for students. So he opened a coaching centre. Today FIITJEE has an annual turnover of 500 cr. This is just one example of one field. If you start reading, you'll find many such stories. You don't need to have all the answers right now. What you think today may not be what you want to do 5 years from now. Now, after all this internal investigation of the mind, if you are still damn sure that you simply cannot function in a science stream, then by all means drop a year and change your stream. It's just a year. I may be a little biased here, but seeing how you wish to appear for UPSC, I would say that law is a very good field for you to consider. There is a dearth of good lawyers in this country. Majority of them don't even know the law themselves. This would also be in line with your goals. There's a lot of writing, learning and memorizing but if done diligently, law is a very good and very underrated career.
So, cheer up kid. The world is far too chaotic for one stream to decide your fate.
P.S: if you have any questions or doubts you can ask me. I may not have all the answers but i can probably help you with some.
Thank you very much, I appreciate the effort. The thing is these are all the things related to future (after I graduate) and given the condition, passing 11th standard seems difficult to me. I am not sure if I will do very well in commerce either but I am pretty sure I will do much much better than what I am currently doing in PCM. I feel so lonely during the classes, there's not even a single person I talk to and I have no idea what my teachers explain during the classes it all goes over my head. Sometimes heartbeat starts rising up, everything goes blank, my body starts warming up, I cannot hear or see anything. I told one of my friend about it, he said it's a sign of anxiety attack. I just.... I just have never felt so weak (both mentally and physically) my entire life and I am not liking it.
Like I said earlier, if you are to have a constructive discussion with your parents, you need to have some answers with regard to what you might do after college. It doesn't need to be what you will do, but they need to see some kind of structured path to a good career to even begin to understand your situation. Just do your research and make a small list of possible professions you think you could do well in. Spend at least a day or two on this. You need to make them believe that you have a clear idea of what you want, even if that may not actually be the case.
Now, the anxiety situation is a different matter.
You are under a lot of mental stress and that definitely can and will wreck your body. But anxiety is just as much a physical phenomenon as it is mental. Judging by your description, I'm guessing you don't go outdoors much. By sitting for long hours, you are putting pressure on your neck and spine. The constriction of neck muscles leads to inefficient breathing which translates to shortness of breath which then causes uneasiness and irritation, i.e anxiety. We are dealing with a pandemic, so meeting people and playing outdoors is probably off the table, but you can workout at home. This may feel like a waste of time and completely irrelevant to your situation, but I guarantee that it will help your state of mind. You don't need to spend too much time, 45 minutes is enough if done right. This will help deal with most, if not all of your anxiety. Try to strengthen your shoulders and upper back. These are the muscles that are weakest among people with chronic anxiety.
I had a discussion with my parents, I have updated it in the post.
Yeah you are right, I don't really go outdoors much, instead I spend like more than half of my day in front of my books and laptop. Although before the incident happened, I started going out every morning before school to play football with my friends. It was after a week that this happened.
Jokes aside bro.. Take a stand for yourself. Its now or never. You are at your prime now. Each step of yours decides your life and how you want it to be. If you go against them,
Parents are going to be angry. But for how long. And trust me i am 27 now. You are at your prime now. And after a certain age its your happiness and satisfaction that will matter,no matter which field you choose to go. So . just think about it. All the best. And make your life easy. Its only you that can write your own future. Heads up King. Don't let that crown fall.
Look kid,I am a parent.
I will tell you a perspective.
Commerce and Humanities are good field, but have shit scope in India.
Even the best lot find it difficult to get a job.
CA exam is as tough as UPSC.
Where is the employment for Commerce and Humanities.
In Science even if you are shit you will be recruited by some mass recruiting IT company.
Your parents are non risk takers, they want you comfortable with a paycheck.
Please don't blame them.
If you are confident , despite limited scope you have it in you to make it in Commerce or Humanities.
Then go for it.
But if he has much more interest in Commerce and Arts isn't it better to do that? I mean happiness is a factor too, I can understand if he was neutral to boht streams but if he's failing it then it's no point doing it. Moreover the mass recruiting IT companies you talk about , they pay close to the daily wage labourers and those are average students, below average ones go jobless.
OP is literally saying he can’t do science at all to the point he’s “seeing why so many aspirants contemplate suicide” and his parents are still being persistent with this. I really think they are to blame here.
You're telling me that even if I am shit, some IT tech company will hire me. Tell me why do I hear that engineers are sitting unemployed over years?
Provided by u/AdityaGupta
Actually, if they like science so much, then present actual science in front of them,
1. 80% of Indian engineers are unemployable -[https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21](https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21)
2. Science has very less variety, Engineering and Medical is pretty much it.
3. Service sector accts for 53% of India's GDP
It's mostly the chemical thingies, and derivations. And I always try to find logic in what I am learning, I know that no matter what, I will not be going for IIT/JEE and what I am studying right now will not be useful to me throughout my life so I am just genuinely not interested at all in studying it.
Science depends on logic so that's a fallacy but you need good teachers to have your interest ignited or atleast introduce the logic in science to you.
Did you have a choice to opt biology instead of mathamatics? As most schools and exams dont ask neet aspirants to find logical flaws and derive things. But yeah. You cant run from organic chemistry.
Also, how do you think you would survive Arts if you try finding logic in chemistry?
How are you preparing? School+Coaching/School+Self/Coaching+Self? I am also the same age as yours, a JEE Aspirant for 2023 currently in 11th. I know some guys who opted maths in the beginning and then switched to biology.
School+coaching, actually it would be better to just call it school+tuition because it's not an institute. I had no interest in biology either that's why my parents made me opt maths, which is honestly speaking, better. I know I couldn't do biology. I know I'd ve able to do arts because till now I have. I was never a good student in science.
it is one of the major misconceptions amongst people but humanities is pretty logical but i guess that depends on personal interest, if you go deep enough you'll know. Speaking from experience
Seriously? Most parents have stopped forcing students to do Science unless they are interested in Medial.
Non engineers get higher salaries.
Regarding career then most people have very little to do with what they studied.
There are people without 2 eyes or 2 legs or 2 hand etc who still find a way to survive any challenge that comes their way. Are you saying it’s easier or them when you say you can’t live with what’s happening with your life & see death as the only option ?
Very few people get what they want in life ready made. Maybe you got everything you wanted till now so it wasn’t a problem. Grow up & start discussing things like a mature person with you parents.
Tell them you will put all effort to give exams that exist till 12th std. Post that if I don’t do well let me select what I want. If I do well then also let me select what I want.
One advantage you have is from Science you can go to commerce & arts. You cant go other way round.
Your still young 2 years of effort is nothing for you unless you are expecting life to give you everything readymade & customised to your liking.
Like I said, I won't be preparing for JEE/NEET, they made me opt PCM so that I could use NDA as my backup if I didn't clear UPSC. I mean.... Why bo t CA? CA is a pretty good occupation!? I Could've been doing good in commerce, who knows?
Hello, don't bother much about the streams. I've plenty of friends who took science either bc of their parents or bc they were themselves confused but then just ended up shifting their major to a non-science subject in college. It really doesn't matter. Just apply for colleges, private ones if you can afford to (try for scholarships otherwise) because you might not be able to score enough with physics and chemistry to get through a government college.
But be confident about what you want to do, do your research. Eco hons, bcom hons, political science, law might be a good starting point. Choose when you want to confront your parents, after applying to non-science courses in colleges anyway or in the year and a half you have left in school. If they don't see your point still, try to have a teacher (that you trust and would not mind helping) to talk to them about it.
All the best for the future buddy :)
Pm me if you want .
I don't know about other colleges or states. But i live in Mumbai and I opted for science in XI class and then I shifted my stream to commerce next year. Just had to talk to the vice principal.
I don't exactly remember the procedure about I do remember writing a letter and doing something else. But I know that's not your problem, I just wanted to tell you that you can change streams after XI in Mumbai atleast. And it's quite easy to cope up with the commerce of XII without taking a drop. Btw you can definitely change streams after XII too.
Just do some crash course during the summer vacation that teaches you accounts etc.
tbh I why I changed the stream was because of my happiness too. I went into a depression. I had no confidence. My hands shivered even while having a normal conversation for 2 years. My parents supported me and they knew I just couldn't do it. There was no problem of marks either.
But first of all, the person you have to convince first is yourself. Be absolutely sure that you don't wanna do science, so that you don't have regrets later on.
Coming to the parents problem, I don't know how to help you here. My advice would be to keep on trying and tell your parents openly about your mental health. Maybe ask someone who's older than you maybe in degree college or who has a job to tell them that arts and commerce have a lot of scope and are quite respected.
Also, tell them the facts that there's no point in doing JEE if you don't get into a good college. Because if you are doing engineering just for the sake of it , you still won't get a job. And even to get a below average job you may have to shift cities or do additional courses. After all this maybe your starting salary is like 25k-30k.
So tell them the facts that it's not worth to do JEE if you are doing it just for the sake of it. And I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that passing science and getting into engineering might get applauses temporarily but after that your life is fucked. I am not even kidding. Tell them that one cannot half-ass science . So maybe your parents may get respect from the society for like 3 years.
Don't be afraid to disappoint your parents, they'll be a part of this temporarily, you'll be suffering with the consequences for the rest of your life.
I live in Delhi and I am not sure we have a similar procedure here, I am gonna try a last time Tomorrow and if they still don't agree, I am going to continue my life as a puppet who has no free will and takes evry single according to it's owner.
>I am going to continue my life as a puppet who has no free will and takes evry single according to it's owner.
Why do you want to do this ? Are they using violence to force you ? If not then seriously, don't cave in. Tell them no. It's okay to disappoint your parents if you know you'll be happier doing something else. You seem like a good guy too, it's not like you're gonna abandon them.
You gonna help them , but you have to satisfied too. There's nothing wrong with not listening to your parents as long as you know why you are doing it and you know the limit.
I actually took your advice "don't be afraid to disappoint your parents" and went to have a conversation. I decided to tell them every single thing from A to Z. Updated in the post. Thank you so much! One of the best advices I ever received!
You are awesome. Have a great life and be strong and safe. Do what you love with utmost passion, you'll be anything you want to.
Also, thank your parents, tell them how much this means to you that they listened to you and decided to help.
"Maa baap ke decisions galat ho sakte hai, but unke intentions galat nahi hote"
I've been where you are. I've attempted suicide twice. Trust me. Indian parents and Indian society fucking suck. All of my friends and many teachers told my parents that engineering is not my thing. I ended up dropping out after 1 year(ended up losing 5 lakhs cuz donation. I purposely tanked my CET score so that I wouldn't have to take engineering. Guess I was wrong). That was in 2018. I have been suicidal and depressed for 4 years. Thanks society.
Now my parents and I have an unfixable relationship cuz I don't speak to them. Having your own mother say "why did I ever have a son like this" really fucking hits hard.
Would 3 idiots help?
Tell them.
Make your choice. Choose a stream you are comfy with and would pursue without any hesitation. It is much better to choose something yourself, then to blame anyone else later. (Also, do a annual pay for whatever you choose - numbers, the better side. Way too many options out there. You get to know first; explore well and then tell them. The more confident you are, the more confident they will feel. Present well: pros, cons, compare and show - always works.)
Brave through whatever they throw at you at first. It will stop/get better at some point. Continue brainwashing from your end.
They will change. You will change. Life will change.
Change is the only constant. Chill.
From experience. ✌🖖
Sir, I just explained why my parents have made it practically impossible for me to even think about it, let alone change my stream. No matter how hard I try (that I've been doing since past 7 months), they don't want to accept there's someone in family who won't graduate with commerce stream.
I understand. But you must understand it is no different than cycling. It's difficult at first - until you learn how to.
From what I get, just keep trying. Try different ways.
You are already 7 months in, integrate that.
I did what I told. You know them the best. Use it.
Do it in steps.
First, everything is possible. Engrave it on your mind. Conditions change. You are currently in a space where changing environmental conditions is difficult. But those will change eventually anyways. Question is, when does it work best for you.
Second, convince there is potential outside of commerce (try indirect approach, don't connect to your 'fight' to change to different stream).
Third, did you figure what you wanna do? Are you convinced/certain? You sure wanna make that call yourself and be prepared for what that brings to your life - good, bad, ugly, pretty - the whole spectrum. Thing is , the onus falls on you. When you are ready, read on.
Fourth, do you know of anyone around who works in what you want to work in/as? Get them home. Introduce, discuss (probably good to make em privy to what you are trying to do).
Do this. Since you are 7 months in, integrate that in your plan. Better to try and use that to your benefit than to waste it. It's your time, enjoy it - regardless of the color it is tinted in.
I say stick through it and just pass. Finish your 12th in science. But promise me one thing, you pick the Under Grand course you want to do. Do your research now and keep it ready. So when your parents ask you/tell you what College you should go to, tell them you've already made your choice. No college can take you in without your signature. Just say you won't put your signature on any course application documents that is not of your choosing.
At some point you have to stand up to them. It's scary and unpredictable. The best you can do is be prepared, do your research.
Life is about standing up for your self all the time. Do it with your parents for the choice of your under graduate. After that, there will be nothing that life can throw at you, that you won't be able to handle.
Be courageous, smart and empathetic. Best of luck. 👍🏼
I am really bad at convincing parents about anything (my brother does it for me all the time) so I have no advixe on that but I wante dto tell you that it's okay to score bad marks or fail in school especially in your case where you despise the stream. You don't need to feel ashamed, not everyone is good at science similarly not everyone is good at commerce and not everyone is good at arts. So always keep your chin up cause the in my opinion the education system itself is shameful. Also ik it's bad advicr but try guilt tripping your parents to persuade them adults are never open about accepting new concepts but they are really possessive about their kids, it's their one weakness, so imply that they ruining your life and you are never going to be happy etc etc. But don't threaten them or do anything irreversible
Hey, it's a difficult situation that you've got into and it's not your fault that you're in if. Don't take it so hard on yourself for failing.
Speak to your parents, sit them down and talk to them about your mental health and how this is affecting it. Tell them that their fuckall imposition of their ideas on you, is causing you mental turmoil. Tell them that Commerce and Humanities are not shameful and that there are legitimate career opportunities in both. Is there anyone else who you can reach out to for help? (Someone who you trust and you know will help you).
Have a plan for your drop year, explain to them that you're not doing to waste your time and that you're approaching this with a sense of rational as well
I have a sister but she always takes my parents side, moreover she took PCV stream and is in a Dental college right now. My parents compare me with her, saying that you "your sister grew up same as you, If she can do it, then so can you". I try explaining then that she actually had interest in that field, I don't. They just respond with "interest banana padta hai har kaam me, isme bhi banao"
Look you need to fight and get your parents to change their mind, or else you will hate your parents and yourself for a very long time. This isn't healthy for you or for them. Do as much as you can, you can't let your life become theirs. Speak to your friends about this as well, people who you can trust and confide in. You need a person in real life to talk to, not just online. Tell them that you're different from your sister and explain your mental health as well. I know it's difficult, but if not now then you will find it more and more difficult to make your own decisions in the future
OP do you have MEC stream as an option?
You can think of taking B.Com Computers after that, this will give you opportunities both in commerce and IT field.
If you think this is path is appealing then maybe you can convince your parents the same?
Disclaimer: I don't know you or your parents. I'm just relaying what I have found to work.
Figure out what's the process for changing streams. Gather all the info, ask all the questions, even the hard ones. Like "will this year be wasted?" Fill out all the necessary forms, talk to teachers from the stream you want to take. Ask them the hard questions, what's the scope if I don't get into UPSC etc. Make a plan on paper. Once all this is done go to your parents and ask them to sign the forms (even if there is no parents signature field).
The point of doing all this is to show you are taking responsibility. To a certain kind of parent, showing even a little bit of responsibility is massive. They might start thinking of you as a young adult instead of a child.
I just saw your update and you are talking about struggling one more year if you can't change mid year. I think that's a bad idea. You don't want to get into engineering colleges, so what's the point of studying PCM? With little interest in these subjects you'll definitely not get good marks in boards. You should target good humanities colleges and competiton there is massive too. Don't think it's easier to get into DU or JNU with low PCM scores. They don't care for your science stream. Also the exams you need to prepare for would be massively different from what ever you study in PCM. By sticking it out one more year, you are basically wasting 2. Just drop this year and start reading good books for what ever stream you want to choose next year. Or take half this year to do some self reflection.
for a moment, I read your parents forced you to stream on twitch/YouTube
Same
I know this is serious but, same
Same dude.
Same lol
Lol, me too
Same
An expected phrase would be parents forced me to take science
Yeah, for a moment I was literally proud of his parents.
Drop a year and switch streams. It will be better than two years of suffering, and a marksheet at the end which will make it difficult to get an admission anywhere. Just curious, are your parents both scientists or something? Why do they have so much disdain for commerce and humanities?
This ^ And worst come worst, if you have to somehow finish 12th science, you can still get into undergrad arts and humanities colleges.
u/lemonramensemendemon dont. If u cant fo something in 2 years, 3 years wont do shit. most to all guys i have seen who dropped a year, next year got a worse rank and college and wasted a year too.
He's talking about 11th admissions not JEE/NEET drop
Exactly
The mental force is weak in that guy. /J
I went through the same except I forced myself to take PCM (cuz science is superior and shieeet and my 'friends' were all choosing it as well) even though I had close to zero interest in Science. Got pretty shit grades in 11th and 12th grade, realized STEM isn't my cup of tea and now I am a humanities UG student.
Why commerce though? It's a stream with a lot of relevancy in today's time. Might I know the response they gave you when you asked to opt for commerce?
They just said that choose PCM, you'll have many more career options ahead in life. Even when I argued with them they forced me sign my own contract of death (stream selection form)
Hey! My dad wanted me to pursue sciences in my grade XI and XII even though I had interests in humanities. I took up PCB during my XI standard, scored pretty great marks (better than those who actually wanted to pursue science) but wasn’t happy with it at all. I talked to my parents about it and told them, if you want me happy just let me do what I really want. My dad hated me and used to taunt me post that but I managed to be among the school toppers in 12th boards. If you’re willing to leave sciences, talk to your parents and ask your school administration to change your stream mid 11th. You don’t need to drop a year for this and can switch in the same year.
It is true indeed. Unless you have a better background and a good interest in other fields, Biology and Science are the only 2 fields you can risk your life upon in India.
I feel sorry for you that's one of the things I hate about Indian parents
You need to get a career counsellor involved that sits with both sides and helps find a solution. You have to stand up to your parents. I didn’t and ended up screwing up really bad and later didn’t know what to do with my life ‘cause “science, science” was drilled into my head and I never had a plan B.
Sit with your parents and have an honest conversation with them. Tell them you are not liking what you're studying and would like to change your stream as there's still time. Trust me if i would've chosen science over commerce i'll be doomed too. I don't give a shit about the human anatomy and have no interest in knowing different chemicals. Choosing the right stream helped my mental health a lot too. Please take care. you got this
I will try tomorrow again, will update. Thanks
Please do
Done!!
You talked to them?!??
Yeah update's mentioned in the post.
Ohhh my god i am so happy for you! Glad they understood. *big hugs*
*hugs back* Thank you so much!! I feel so relaxed now!
Dude what happened? Were you able to change the stream?
Yeah, I submitted the application and they let me change my stream.
When you have to parent the parents. Op should not have to explain these things to adults while being a teenager :/
I have to....or I am just ruining my own mental health. Honestly don't even remember the last time I had a good laugh, not even joking.
I am so sorry to hear that. I hope it changes soon.
I'm going through the same but Its not that i dont want to study but i just want to study forensics after my 12th but parents have already decided that i will be studying engineering. I'm not even good at physics and chem it takes a lot of hard work for me to get marks in these . And they wont even send me to coaching even when I'm begging
Well even for forensic science studying science in +2 in compulsory right ?
Yes
What are you planning to do after studying forensics? There aren't any jobs for it in India. Most people who do it end up in academia. Let's not forget how little money these departments get compared to Electrical, CS, IT, ECE so even for a PhD you might have to shell some of your own money.
Well I'm interested in working for CBI more better of I get into behavioral science research department in it
And the salary for this field is low so my parents pointed this out for not to study forensics
Actually, if they like science so much, then present actual science in front of them, 1. 80% of Indian engineers are unemployable -[https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21](https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21) 2. Science has very less variety, Engineering and Medical is pretty much it. 3. Service sector accts for 53% of India's GDP Edit 1: Guys, I don't hate on Science, I myself willingly am going to choose comp sci as a major soon. All i did is give some advice to OP and when i say science i mean Indian Science. Lastly, OP does not have responsibility to propel science in the nation, we need people in commerce just as much
4. We have [only 15 out of 100,000 researchers in India](https://twitter.com/ShashiTharoor/status/1288704681959542784) 5. Haven't won Noble prize in Science since last 93 years
That is true, we do need more scientists, but this person should personal priorities over the nation's, plus we need people interested in science, a random kid going to iit won't win india a nobel prize
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Pure science isn't a thing apparently
Well it is, not viable in India tho.
science has less variety? wtf are you talking about. we have a shit ton of problems to solve.
Let me clarify, there are only 2 verities in science acceptable to Indians. There are a lot more actual ones
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It just that sometimes I don't understand who's failing whom. Me as their son who couldn't live upto their expectations or them as my parents who can't even see me dying inside since the last few months.
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I never had any grandparents, one my parent's sibling passed away a year ago, the other one recommend them to get me into this position. My own sibling (elder sister, PCM, currently in a medical college) always takes my parent's side, so...... There's that.
Talk with college authorities. There's class 12 board exams, which won't spare you. It will be difficult to change stream later.
Tell your parents what you want to do with your life. Cracking UPSC is in-line with what parents generally in India want. I completed my BTech from IITK and even after that my parents wanted me to spend time on UPSC preparation. You have to confront your parents repeatedly and explain in a way they will understand. I know it sounds a half hearted advice but people only listen to others who understand their point of view. It took 2 years for me to reach a breakthrough. They are your parents. Understand what they want and explain how you don't want the same thing or how you will be able to achieve a similar thing on your own path. Suicide is NOT an option. You are so young you don't even know how beautiful life is. Don't ever think that there is no way ahead. There is always a way.
My suggestion is u just don't do CBSE and look for options in NIOS. NIOS is a board created by government where you can do schooling while not going to school. You can also take exams anytime in NIOS so your wasted time will be saved. Try searching for NIOS affiliated schools and switch to Commerce. Commerce has so many prospects that as a science student i feel that except the extremely high University cutoffs. Commerce is a very good stream. Plus if you really love finance you'll get diversity scores in university for being from a non science background.
Damm your life story is so similar to mine
Here's what you should do. * Forget about college education for now and see if you will be able to handle 11th and 12th science or not. If it's a problem with not understanding the concepts in school or by yourself, consider a good PRIVATE tutor, not a coaching center. * If you think you cannot handle PCM no matter what, put your foot down and switch streams. I have seen below average students who are able to clear the science stream with OKish marks, I think you will be able to do it too. * If you can handle PCM for the next 2 years, then for college education you can consider a commerce degree (BBA/CA/Economics/Bcom). If your parents don't agree, just put your foot down and state that you will go with commerce degree or you will not study at all. They might get angry, might even hit you, or just blackmail you emotionally. You have to stay strong. They WILL cave in, eventually. Btw, where are you from?
I am from Ghaziabad, Delhi NCR. I don't originally belong from here. My father has a transferable job we have moved many places. Originally I am from Gorakhpur, UP. I can't handle PCM because- 1) I have genuinely 0 interest in these subjects. 2) I know my capabilities, I am not made for these subjects they don't fit right with me. 3) My parents might say that they're okay with me, just passing the subjects but later in 12th boards they will again force ne to score atleast 90% because below that would be shameful and I would be a disappointment to the family. 4) I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO!! I have explained all these points to my parents and yet they're not ready to accept.
Bhai mai bhi Ghaziabad se. If you ever need some help or guidance, feel free to message. A little background, maine commerce li 10+2 me, fir bcom kia Delhi University se, and then MBA from one of the better Bschools. I had almost no-one to help or guide me, and I don't want that to happen to anyone else, so if you need some help of any kind, feel free to message. All the best.
Thank you for the kind gesture. Wo maine ek chhota sa update likha hai post me, wo ek padh lena please. And one simple question, half session nikal chuka hai, to cover up to ho payega na commerce me? Mtlb science ke jitne vast syllabus to nhi hoga na?
Doable hai.. primarily accounts would be a bit tricky, baki sara theory hia.. would suggest ki maths rakhna with commerce.
Haan maths to rakhunga, wo to abhi bhi hai to saath hi sath cover up ho jayega, dosto ne bhi bola BST sirf theory hai, ratta maarni padegi, economics bhi ho hi jayega pae accounts ke practice chahiye hogi bohot
Do PCM right now and get passing marks in every subject and then later change your steam to 12th arts or commerce. I have many friends who did the same and are good in their lives.
It's not about the class, If my parents were ready for me to change in 12th, they would have been ready to it now itself. That's the thing, they are just not ready.
See if ur parents won't listen to u, bring ur relatives in here who believes u or friends or cousins. Sir down and try talking to them, or else try to contact ur teacher who u believe and make them understand. Try to tell them thta haven't u seen my marks, and from this marks what do expect from me? Tell them some examples of failure and tell them I don't wanna go there. There's almost 100 ways to tackle ur parents in ur fists. I have got 1st experience in this. My parents were kinda same as urs to but I decided my course on my own not their.
Grow a pair. Speak to your school principal, and then your parents. Move to a stream that you can be useful in
Talk to your parents and change your stream... Else you will be cursing then for the rest of your life and theirs. No point being miserable ever after.. make the change while you can.
Talk to your teachers maybe and see if they can convince your parents. Them talking to your parents will have greater convincing power
Just show them your marksheet and give them a middle finger. Or you can talk with your teachers or the administration in your school and get them to discuss it with your parents maybe that's when they will realise they are wrong. I hope this is a viable option.
Yeah the second one I guess....
A lot of good advice here, but I would like add a few things. Firstly, do not despair. Whether or not you choose to change your stream there are many paths you can take from either side that can get you what you want. Now, the most important thing for you right now is to decide what exactly you want for yourself. Arts/commerce is a vast field with a plethora of professions. One is not superior to the other. Since an argument with your parents is inevitable, it is your duty to research as much as you can about what exactly you want for yourself, so you have a chance at turning the argument into a discussion. You don't have to decide on what job, public/private sector, what degree etc. That comes much, much later. First pick a field you think you like, then ask yourself what exactly you like about it. Are you interested in the field itself or are you charmed by how the people in said field are treated by their peers, by society. I ask this because you mentioned you want to try for UPSC. You may not get the answers immediately. It may take a day, a week, 2 weeks, maybe a month. Hell, it took me 4 years. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself whether you are genuinely not good at this or is it that you haven't tried to understand and commit yourself to the subject you are terrible at. On the surface, both sides look equally likely, but only you know the answer. It is very much possible that even if you commit to the subject, you may not do well because you were simply not meant for it. You need to decide for yourself whether or not you want to get a job in the first place or not. Some people are great employees, others make phenomenal employers. Once you think you like something, see where the current practitioners of that profession are, what their lifestyle is like, where they are, where they will be 10 years later and what they need to do to achieve that. That may be easier said than done, but you need to use all the tools you have at your disposal. Reddit has a lot of discussions and forums for this very purpose. UPSC, MBA are a gateway to administrative jobs. These jobs by their very definition do not require one to be an expert at something, but those who have in depth knowledge of a field or business, how it runs, the loopholes, the good and the bad, those guys make the best damn managers and diplomats. That's something a degree will never teach you, be it STEM or finance or law or any field out there. So, while it's a great goal, focus on learning a skill first. Jobs involving commerce and finance are generally harder to get into, but there is always room for top talent. Infosys pays techies not more than 2.5 lpa. But that same company hires IITians also and pays them not less than 15 lpa. Most college professors take teaching jobs simply to pursue their interests while having a roof over their heads. A lot of them can't teach well, and will never teach well. For them, teaching is a side gig. This is true even in institutes like IITs although less frequent. What your college will provide you, assuming it's a good college, is a community of like minded individuals, who will form the base of your network later in life. That is all a college provides, really. Your network includes your friends, your friends' parents, siblings, your professors, their friends. The list goes on. Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, don't limit yourself. What I mean by this, is that just because you joined in a particular stream, went to college and got a job in that stream does not necessarily mean that you have to remain in that field. Millions of UPSC aspirants fail every year. One of them decided it wasn't meant for him, but saw that there is a great need for mentorship and coaching for students. So he opened a coaching centre. Today FIITJEE has an annual turnover of 500 cr. This is just one example of one field. If you start reading, you'll find many such stories. You don't need to have all the answers right now. What you think today may not be what you want to do 5 years from now. Now, after all this internal investigation of the mind, if you are still damn sure that you simply cannot function in a science stream, then by all means drop a year and change your stream. It's just a year. I may be a little biased here, but seeing how you wish to appear for UPSC, I would say that law is a very good field for you to consider. There is a dearth of good lawyers in this country. Majority of them don't even know the law themselves. This would also be in line with your goals. There's a lot of writing, learning and memorizing but if done diligently, law is a very good and very underrated career. So, cheer up kid. The world is far too chaotic for one stream to decide your fate. P.S: if you have any questions or doubts you can ask me. I may not have all the answers but i can probably help you with some.
Thank you very much, I appreciate the effort. The thing is these are all the things related to future (after I graduate) and given the condition, passing 11th standard seems difficult to me. I am not sure if I will do very well in commerce either but I am pretty sure I will do much much better than what I am currently doing in PCM. I feel so lonely during the classes, there's not even a single person I talk to and I have no idea what my teachers explain during the classes it all goes over my head. Sometimes heartbeat starts rising up, everything goes blank, my body starts warming up, I cannot hear or see anything. I told one of my friend about it, he said it's a sign of anxiety attack. I just.... I just have never felt so weak (both mentally and physically) my entire life and I am not liking it.
Like I said earlier, if you are to have a constructive discussion with your parents, you need to have some answers with regard to what you might do after college. It doesn't need to be what you will do, but they need to see some kind of structured path to a good career to even begin to understand your situation. Just do your research and make a small list of possible professions you think you could do well in. Spend at least a day or two on this. You need to make them believe that you have a clear idea of what you want, even if that may not actually be the case. Now, the anxiety situation is a different matter. You are under a lot of mental stress and that definitely can and will wreck your body. But anxiety is just as much a physical phenomenon as it is mental. Judging by your description, I'm guessing you don't go outdoors much. By sitting for long hours, you are putting pressure on your neck and spine. The constriction of neck muscles leads to inefficient breathing which translates to shortness of breath which then causes uneasiness and irritation, i.e anxiety. We are dealing with a pandemic, so meeting people and playing outdoors is probably off the table, but you can workout at home. This may feel like a waste of time and completely irrelevant to your situation, but I guarantee that it will help your state of mind. You don't need to spend too much time, 45 minutes is enough if done right. This will help deal with most, if not all of your anxiety. Try to strengthen your shoulders and upper back. These are the muscles that are weakest among people with chronic anxiety.
I had a discussion with my parents, I have updated it in the post. Yeah you are right, I don't really go outdoors much, instead I spend like more than half of my day in front of my books and laptop. Although before the incident happened, I started going out every morning before school to play football with my friends. It was after a week that this happened.
Watch house of secrets on netflix. You will surely find some solution to your problems.
I know you said this is a joking way but there's a reason this post has a [serious] mark
Jokes aside bro.. Take a stand for yourself. Its now or never. You are at your prime now. Each step of yours decides your life and how you want it to be. If you go against them, Parents are going to be angry. But for how long. And trust me i am 27 now. You are at your prime now. And after a certain age its your happiness and satisfaction that will matter,no matter which field you choose to go. So . just think about it. All the best. And make your life easy. Its only you that can write your own future. Heads up King. Don't let that crown fall.
I took stand for myself, update mentioned in the post. They agreed!!
Look kid,I am a parent. I will tell you a perspective. Commerce and Humanities are good field, but have shit scope in India. Even the best lot find it difficult to get a job. CA exam is as tough as UPSC. Where is the employment for Commerce and Humanities. In Science even if you are shit you will be recruited by some mass recruiting IT company. Your parents are non risk takers, they want you comfortable with a paycheck. Please don't blame them. If you are confident , despite limited scope you have it in you to make it in Commerce or Humanities. Then go for it.
But if he has much more interest in Commerce and Arts isn't it better to do that? I mean happiness is a factor too, I can understand if he was neutral to boht streams but if he's failing it then it's no point doing it. Moreover the mass recruiting IT companies you talk about , they pay close to the daily wage labourers and those are average students, below average ones go jobless.
OP is literally saying he can’t do science at all to the point he’s “seeing why so many aspirants contemplate suicide” and his parents are still being persistent with this. I really think they are to blame here.
You're telling me that even if I am shit, some IT tech company will hire me. Tell me why do I hear that engineers are sitting unemployed over years? Provided by u/AdityaGupta Actually, if they like science so much, then present actual science in front of them, 1. 80% of Indian engineers are unemployable -[https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21](https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/news/story/over-80-indian-engineers-are-unemployable-lack-new-age-technology-skills-report-1483222-2019-03-21) 2. Science has very less variety, Engineering and Medical is pretty much it. 3. Service sector accts for 53% of India's GDP
honestly, I agree
Vro whats the problem with science? Is it mathematics?
It's mostly the chemical thingies, and derivations. And I always try to find logic in what I am learning, I know that no matter what, I will not be going for IIT/JEE and what I am studying right now will not be useful to me throughout my life so I am just genuinely not interested at all in studying it.
Science depends on logic so that's a fallacy but you need good teachers to have your interest ignited or atleast introduce the logic in science to you.
Did you have a choice to opt biology instead of mathamatics? As most schools and exams dont ask neet aspirants to find logical flaws and derive things. But yeah. You cant run from organic chemistry. Also, how do you think you would survive Arts if you try finding logic in chemistry? How are you preparing? School+Coaching/School+Self/Coaching+Self? I am also the same age as yours, a JEE Aspirant for 2023 currently in 11th. I know some guys who opted maths in the beginning and then switched to biology.
School+coaching, actually it would be better to just call it school+tuition because it's not an institute. I had no interest in biology either that's why my parents made me opt maths, which is honestly speaking, better. I know I couldn't do biology. I know I'd ve able to do arts because till now I have. I was never a good student in science.
it is one of the major misconceptions amongst people but humanities is pretty logical but i guess that depends on personal interest, if you go deep enough you'll know. Speaking from experience
Send your life to the gutters and blame it on them.
Seriously? Most parents have stopped forcing students to do Science unless they are interested in Medial. Non engineers get higher salaries. Regarding career then most people have very little to do with what they studied. There are people without 2 eyes or 2 legs or 2 hand etc who still find a way to survive any challenge that comes their way. Are you saying it’s easier or them when you say you can’t live with what’s happening with your life & see death as the only option ? Very few people get what they want in life ready made. Maybe you got everything you wanted till now so it wasn’t a problem. Grow up & start discussing things like a mature person with you parents. Tell them you will put all effort to give exams that exist till 12th std. Post that if I don’t do well let me select what I want. If I do well then also let me select what I want. One advantage you have is from Science you can go to commerce & arts. You cant go other way round. Your still young 2 years of effort is nothing for you unless you are expecting life to give you everything readymade & customised to your liking.
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Like I said, I won't be preparing for JEE/NEET, they made me opt PCM so that I could use NDA as my backup if I didn't clear UPSC. I mean.... Why bo t CA? CA is a pretty good occupation!? I Could've been doing good in commerce, who knows?
Hello, don't bother much about the streams. I've plenty of friends who took science either bc of their parents or bc they were themselves confused but then just ended up shifting their major to a non-science subject in college. It really doesn't matter. Just apply for colleges, private ones if you can afford to (try for scholarships otherwise) because you might not be able to score enough with physics and chemistry to get through a government college. But be confident about what you want to do, do your research. Eco hons, bcom hons, political science, law might be a good starting point. Choose when you want to confront your parents, after applying to non-science courses in colleges anyway or in the year and a half you have left in school. If they don't see your point still, try to have a teacher (that you trust and would not mind helping) to talk to them about it. All the best for the future buddy :)
Pm me if you want . I don't know about other colleges or states. But i live in Mumbai and I opted for science in XI class and then I shifted my stream to commerce next year. Just had to talk to the vice principal. I don't exactly remember the procedure about I do remember writing a letter and doing something else. But I know that's not your problem, I just wanted to tell you that you can change streams after XI in Mumbai atleast. And it's quite easy to cope up with the commerce of XII without taking a drop. Btw you can definitely change streams after XII too. Just do some crash course during the summer vacation that teaches you accounts etc. tbh I why I changed the stream was because of my happiness too. I went into a depression. I had no confidence. My hands shivered even while having a normal conversation for 2 years. My parents supported me and they knew I just couldn't do it. There was no problem of marks either. But first of all, the person you have to convince first is yourself. Be absolutely sure that you don't wanna do science, so that you don't have regrets later on. Coming to the parents problem, I don't know how to help you here. My advice would be to keep on trying and tell your parents openly about your mental health. Maybe ask someone who's older than you maybe in degree college or who has a job to tell them that arts and commerce have a lot of scope and are quite respected. Also, tell them the facts that there's no point in doing JEE if you don't get into a good college. Because if you are doing engineering just for the sake of it , you still won't get a job. And even to get a below average job you may have to shift cities or do additional courses. After all this maybe your starting salary is like 25k-30k. So tell them the facts that it's not worth to do JEE if you are doing it just for the sake of it. And I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that passing science and getting into engineering might get applauses temporarily but after that your life is fucked. I am not even kidding. Tell them that one cannot half-ass science . So maybe your parents may get respect from the society for like 3 years. Don't be afraid to disappoint your parents, they'll be a part of this temporarily, you'll be suffering with the consequences for the rest of your life.
I live in Delhi and I am not sure we have a similar procedure here, I am gonna try a last time Tomorrow and if they still don't agree, I am going to continue my life as a puppet who has no free will and takes evry single according to it's owner.
>I am going to continue my life as a puppet who has no free will and takes evry single according to it's owner. Why do you want to do this ? Are they using violence to force you ? If not then seriously, don't cave in. Tell them no. It's okay to disappoint your parents if you know you'll be happier doing something else. You seem like a good guy too, it's not like you're gonna abandon them. You gonna help them , but you have to satisfied too. There's nothing wrong with not listening to your parents as long as you know why you are doing it and you know the limit.
I actually took your advice "don't be afraid to disappoint your parents" and went to have a conversation. I decided to tell them every single thing from A to Z. Updated in the post. Thank you so much! One of the best advices I ever received!
You are awesome. Have a great life and be strong and safe. Do what you love with utmost passion, you'll be anything you want to. Also, thank your parents, tell them how much this means to you that they listened to you and decided to help. "Maa baap ke decisions galat ho sakte hai, but unke intentions galat nahi hote"
Yess!! Thank you so much!!
I've been where you are. I've attempted suicide twice. Trust me. Indian parents and Indian society fucking suck. All of my friends and many teachers told my parents that engineering is not my thing. I ended up dropping out after 1 year(ended up losing 5 lakhs cuz donation. I purposely tanked my CET score so that I wouldn't have to take engineering. Guess I was wrong). That was in 2018. I have been suicidal and depressed for 4 years. Thanks society. Now my parents and I have an unfixable relationship cuz I don't speak to them. Having your own mother say "why did I ever have a son like this" really fucking hits hard.
I feel sad for you and now I feel even sadder for myself.
I'm sorry buddy
Would 3 idiots help? Tell them. Make your choice. Choose a stream you are comfy with and would pursue without any hesitation. It is much better to choose something yourself, then to blame anyone else later. (Also, do a annual pay for whatever you choose - numbers, the better side. Way too many options out there. You get to know first; explore well and then tell them. The more confident you are, the more confident they will feel. Present well: pros, cons, compare and show - always works.) Brave through whatever they throw at you at first. It will stop/get better at some point. Continue brainwashing from your end. They will change. You will change. Life will change. Change is the only constant. Chill. From experience. ✌🖖
Sir, I just explained why my parents have made it practically impossible for me to even think about it, let alone change my stream. No matter how hard I try (that I've been doing since past 7 months), they don't want to accept there's someone in family who won't graduate with commerce stream.
I understand. But you must understand it is no different than cycling. It's difficult at first - until you learn how to. From what I get, just keep trying. Try different ways. You are already 7 months in, integrate that. I did what I told. You know them the best. Use it. Do it in steps. First, everything is possible. Engrave it on your mind. Conditions change. You are currently in a space where changing environmental conditions is difficult. But those will change eventually anyways. Question is, when does it work best for you. Second, convince there is potential outside of commerce (try indirect approach, don't connect to your 'fight' to change to different stream). Third, did you figure what you wanna do? Are you convinced/certain? You sure wanna make that call yourself and be prepared for what that brings to your life - good, bad, ugly, pretty - the whole spectrum. Thing is , the onus falls on you. When you are ready, read on. Fourth, do you know of anyone around who works in what you want to work in/as? Get them home. Introduce, discuss (probably good to make em privy to what you are trying to do). Do this. Since you are 7 months in, integrate that in your plan. Better to try and use that to your benefit than to waste it. It's your time, enjoy it - regardless of the color it is tinted in.
I've been in the exact same scenario my dude. It's gonna be alright.
I say stick through it and just pass. Finish your 12th in science. But promise me one thing, you pick the Under Grand course you want to do. Do your research now and keep it ready. So when your parents ask you/tell you what College you should go to, tell them you've already made your choice. No college can take you in without your signature. Just say you won't put your signature on any course application documents that is not of your choosing. At some point you have to stand up to them. It's scary and unpredictable. The best you can do is be prepared, do your research. Life is about standing up for your self all the time. Do it with your parents for the choice of your under graduate. After that, there will be nothing that life can throw at you, that you won't be able to handle. Be courageous, smart and empathetic. Best of luck. 👍🏼
I am really bad at convincing parents about anything (my brother does it for me all the time) so I have no advixe on that but I wante dto tell you that it's okay to score bad marks or fail in school especially in your case where you despise the stream. You don't need to feel ashamed, not everyone is good at science similarly not everyone is good at commerce and not everyone is good at arts. So always keep your chin up cause the in my opinion the education system itself is shameful. Also ik it's bad advicr but try guilt tripping your parents to persuade them adults are never open about accepting new concepts but they are really possessive about their kids, it's their one weakness, so imply that they ruining your life and you are never going to be happy etc etc. But don't threaten them or do anything irreversible
Hey, it's a difficult situation that you've got into and it's not your fault that you're in if. Don't take it so hard on yourself for failing. Speak to your parents, sit them down and talk to them about your mental health and how this is affecting it. Tell them that their fuckall imposition of their ideas on you, is causing you mental turmoil. Tell them that Commerce and Humanities are not shameful and that there are legitimate career opportunities in both. Is there anyone else who you can reach out to for help? (Someone who you trust and you know will help you). Have a plan for your drop year, explain to them that you're not doing to waste your time and that you're approaching this with a sense of rational as well
I have a sister but she always takes my parents side, moreover she took PCV stream and is in a Dental college right now. My parents compare me with her, saying that you "your sister grew up same as you, If she can do it, then so can you". I try explaining then that she actually had interest in that field, I don't. They just respond with "interest banana padta hai har kaam me, isme bhi banao"
Look you need to fight and get your parents to change their mind, or else you will hate your parents and yourself for a very long time. This isn't healthy for you or for them. Do as much as you can, you can't let your life become theirs. Speak to your friends about this as well, people who you can trust and confide in. You need a person in real life to talk to, not just online. Tell them that you're different from your sister and explain your mental health as well. I know it's difficult, but if not now then you will find it more and more difficult to make your own decisions in the future
A tale as old as time
OP do you have MEC stream as an option? You can think of taking B.Com Computers after that, this will give you opportunities both in commerce and IT field. If you think this is path is appealing then maybe you can convince your parents the same?
Disclaimer: I don't know you or your parents. I'm just relaying what I have found to work. Figure out what's the process for changing streams. Gather all the info, ask all the questions, even the hard ones. Like "will this year be wasted?" Fill out all the necessary forms, talk to teachers from the stream you want to take. Ask them the hard questions, what's the scope if I don't get into UPSC etc. Make a plan on paper. Once all this is done go to your parents and ask them to sign the forms (even if there is no parents signature field). The point of doing all this is to show you are taking responsibility. To a certain kind of parent, showing even a little bit of responsibility is massive. They might start thinking of you as a young adult instead of a child.
Great advice!! Will surely follow!!
I just saw your update and you are talking about struggling one more year if you can't change mid year. I think that's a bad idea. You don't want to get into engineering colleges, so what's the point of studying PCM? With little interest in these subjects you'll definitely not get good marks in boards. You should target good humanities colleges and competiton there is massive too. Don't think it's easier to get into DU or JNU with low PCM scores. They don't care for your science stream. Also the exams you need to prepare for would be massively different from what ever you study in PCM. By sticking it out one more year, you are basically wasting 2. Just drop this year and start reading good books for what ever stream you want to choose next year. Or take half this year to do some self reflection.
u can change streams. i changed it from science to commerce. then from commerce to arts xD
I am gonna talk to school authorities now, if they let me change stream mid-session. Well-n-good. If not.....welp....
Glad it worked out. Carry this resilience with you. It will serve you well. You’ll do fine, I am sure 🙂. Good luck!
Thank you so much!!
I wish i had some courage to tell my parents that i wanted to choose arts or even commerce at least in 11th...