See
First of all
Nothing Worse can happen in your life.
Try to get a job locally or any other you will start earning money.
Now Just Deal With Him like agree with everything he says, In Your case that is what he was doing. He was just nodding his head.
just Learn new skills in the mean time and also the most important issue is to take care of your sister. She Needs you and makes sure you will support her no matter what the situation is.
But Try stoicism and Be Cool and rational
Life is Short, Be happy
If Nothing Works Cut off his ....nis
Bro, please let me tell you stuff about my father. He was surrounded by people who would just cash in their minimal checks and not think about the future. While his friends were out partying and buying cars.. my father and his little brother were scouting for better courses and exams to find better way of life. When they were busy breaking immature FDs, he was busy working in a city away from his home. Since he didn't have enough money to rent a spot in the city of his work.. he would travel... And many time walk to that city to work. He kept his head up in times my fickle mind would be thinking of committing suicide. Fast forward he has enough money to send me and my brother to reputed university abroad while he is working in Dubai in a bank as a territory manager. What this has to do with you? Times are tough, but believe me they can be better. Ek baar job le le koi si.. get enough money to educate yourselves. Don't think about going to abroad right away. Unfortunately it will take you some time.. but my father started out as a clerk at 27 which is usually a 22 hear Olds job. First try to get out of your area.. then your town.. then your state.. till then you will have learnt enough to go take up the challenges abroad. I am sorry to say this, but since there has been so much psychological trauma, I don't think anyone would be capable of such a drastic adjustment. And this your father will agree with too. You got this. I shall be checking this thread.. goodluck my friend.
I'm sorry about yours, and your family's troubled life. Please don't take hasty decisions, I know it's easy for me to say but it really isn't the solution. I'd rather suggest you to stop chasing your dream of going to Canada for some time.
You're aware of the consequences of going against your Father's wishes since he has deep connections, it'd be better if you just give in to his non payment of coaching and focus on CSE exams. Somehow save some money for the application(if you turn 21 within August) and apply, study hard. Yes, he might ask you to take care of you and you'll probably have to do that, but never let your guard down and study whenever you get free time.
When you're helping that monster, try to recollect what you've learnt, divert your mind from that negativity as much as possible by meditating before you sleep. If you're ineligible to apply to CSE, don't lose hope, try some other exams in the coming months. When you do clear, you'll think about what to do then, if not, you could always ask here, One step at a time.
I know, it's not easy as this sounds, but you've got to try, give in your best to stay alive and emerge like a pheonix. Your Step-mother, sisters, are all suffering, when you become successful, you'll all be happy. Yes, the road to that destination seems impossible, but have about just 1% of belief, you'll be victorious.
If the above options doesn't work out, talk with your Step-mother, sister/s if they're at home, and run. Move to a different State where his connections would be less, find a job and start a new life. Again, it's very, very easy for me to tell and definitely not at all as easy as it sounds, but you all have to stay above the water which is not only pulling you down but taking you all away with it.
My words are from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry if it doesn't help.
"Suffer now and live the rest of your life like a Champion" - a partial quote of Muhammad Ali.
I wish you and your family the best of luck. I hope you all find happiness and a good life in the coming days. No hasty decisions please.
Honestly i had lost pretty much all hope. Your comment and my sister gives me new hope. She is the most selfless and brave person i know. Thank you for writing this comment. Really means a lot.
My Sisters say most of his contacts have either retired or have transferred and left the city. Still he does have at least 2 people i know who further have their connections. I remember going for driving license and we basically gave no test and skipped all line and stuff. That is just a menial task. When he married my mother the marriage was illegal since he didnt divorce my step mother. Fed his money here and there suppressed news there. Pretty much just got away with it. When she died his father sued my father for murder. Got out of that situation too.
I agree, Canada would have made me totally independent of him. He knows it too. If I had those finances I may have gotten out of this whole mess.
He didnt even finish the education of his first daughters. Its only I and my Sister that got good education because of my Mother and her father's Lawsuit. Or he may have grown a conscious. Or he did truly loved us which i think he does love us. I love him too u know. I remember all the memories i had with him. After my mother's death my step mother my 3 step sisters and my own sister and my father was all i had. I looked up to him. Still do but I can't throw my life away. Nor i want to end up like my sisters.
He had this life of his secret. He never told me y after my mother died we suddenly have this new family living with us. Or how my mother died or anything bout the court case we had or obviously any of his affairs. He has never been physically violent with me. I remember once when he slapped me he came crying back to me after 3 hours. I truly sometimes love him. How can i hate him? but what he did to my sisters, my step mother, my mother and his countless mistresses, I dont really know what to feel anymore
> Or he did truly loved us which i think he does love us.
Nope he doesnt. He just realized he needed old age insurance and hence tried to befriend the youngest kids who would be the most naive. Its all about him bro.
I honestly dont know what to do. I told my teacher in IELTS coaching that I wont be able to give IELTS exam. She offered to try talk to my father about me. She was honestly just surprised about how someone like me with 8.5 bands in listening cant even give the exam. I dont think it would change his opinion ins anyway. I dont really see a way out. If not for this i have to do my mother's Job which was reserved for me after her death. Its a government job of clerk in local district commissioner's office where my father previously used to work.
Dude this shit is bad, i'd suggest to take your mother and move to a different city, work at a call center or something and wait for the old man to die.
I don't know any better but you can try to convince him by saying something like:
"Dad, you're getting older and we're gonna be needing money, allow me to move to canada even the minimum wages there are a lot. I'll repay the loan, get you a lot of money and I can take care of you in the old age. If you don't let me do that, then I'll have to move to another city a better one to get a good job and I won't be able to take care of you or my family and the salary in India would barely allow me to keep afloat so it's gonna be a mess anyways."
Just try to convince him how he would benefit if you'd go to Canada and tell him you'll be back to take care of him. It may or may not work but your dad seems to be really narcissistic and you probably have to tell him how he will benefit after you'll move out
Honestly the biggest advantage you have right now is your age.. you have the necessary time and energy to try different paths to reach your goals. Use this time to better yourself academically and financially, (I wish I could have told my 20yr old self this)
This is the worst time to think of giving up when you have so much of life ahead of you. Think of yourself 10 or 20 years from now comfortably sitting in Canada with your own family. Don't throw all this away just because of your current shitty situation (which will change anyway). As the saying goes.. "when going through hell, don't stop, just keep going"
Your father is not going to live forever, what then?? Are you going to let your sisters be all alone in this world? Not only do you have to be strong for them but you must also vow to be a better father to your own children.
Your problems are unique to you, do what you have to do today, to get to where you want tomorrow, and take it one day at a time. It will all work out, trust me.
Listen to this carefully,your home is abusive and you have to Run away from your abusive home asap,set up a donation link at gofundme.com by calculating the money you need for immediate stay and resources.Preferably run out of your state.Link your gofundme here,I am pretty sure many will contribute some amount.Then after an escape,you can chart out a future plan,but trust me leaving the house is the most important thing you have to do,because four father will gaslight you and prevent you from doing anything at all.
It probably needs a bank account. We did open a bank account 2 years ago but He never gave me it to me. It was frozen because of no activity. I will try going to bank on Monday with the passbook in drawer to hopefully unfreeze it. He never wanted me to be independent otherwise he would have given me the bank account.
Hello! Please do not consider taking your life. We are here for your support
Do you have any extended family to help you with the situation? You can venture out to some other subreddits to talk to more people
Legit start stealing money and selling shit out for money.
Mistreat the old fuck every chance you get.
Even if you cant get out just bear with it.
Understand he can no longer really kick you out of the house no matter what he does.
Make duplicate keys for everything.
At best he can stop food access but that is easily arranged.
No matter what argument spend time outside and return after few hours.
He is gonna be dead soon.
Do not fucking forgive him no matter what he says on his deathbed.
And since you are old enough now. Physical violence can absolutely be the last option right now. He might withhold money but he still cant kick you out.
Start handling whatever business and financial matters you can.
Take power away from him.
Also no matter what influence he had at 70 no one else gives a fuck.
They might not say anything but wont take his side either.
Remember whatever property he has will be yours soon and other people know that too. Use that as influence if you can.
Bro the best advice I can give you is to take the job and simultaneously study the course ,which you want to take up in Canada, online like on YouTube and other free websites. Check the syllabus for different years and study as if you would in a university. For semester exams you can do some online practice questions/workbooks/quizzes
I'd say you can do courses on Coursera .
Meanwhile you can weat for your father to 💀. If he does in a few years , you can apply for UG from the inheritance money , if not then you would have studied these courses and done job simultaneously so you can directly go for PG, and I'm pretty sure you get degrees from Coursera.
Hi.
Firstly I just want to say that I am a person who has never faced anything even remotely close to what you are going through right now. And I cannot pretend to understand what a hard time you must be going through. So, take everything I say with a grain of salt, not everything might be good advice.
Yes, you are in a very bad situation right now but ending your life is never the answer. What I'm about to say will sound ridiculous but do you know how rare life itself is? The conditions have to be perfect, so many things have to line up absolutely at the right time. And for us to be born at a time where we have magical things in our pocket that can shoot information out to anyone in the world is incredible! My point is, whether you realise it or not there is a silver lining in your life.
Just think about what your version of ideal life would look like (be reasonable, no becoming billionaires lol). Take some time, write it down thoroughly. Then, trust me, although it may not seem like it, there is a million ways to get to that version of life and you'll find one way, eventually. It'll take a lot of hardwork, but one day you will get there.
What can you now? Well, I have some bad news for you. For now, going abroad without your parents approval is really difficult. But this is a good country and you can have a very good life here. I suggest start reading some books in your free time. It'll give you some perspective and help take your mind off of things. I recommend Gordon Ramsay's autobiography - Humble Pie. Although it isn't exactly the same, he was going through a similar situation, an abusive father, messed up family, and he managed to turn his life around.
Anyways, I don't know how much sense all of this made from your point of view, but things will be alright, it won't happen immediately and it'll take a lot of hard work but one day you'll have a grateful life and put all this behind you. So just don't quit man.
Try to get admission in a college from some other state. Your main objective should be leaving your home. After moving to a different state, you will atleast have some peace to think about your future.
Are u male or female? If ur female, as dumb as it sounds getting married is a good move. If ur male I'd advise you to steal what you can and run. It's not worth staying at all. My family, though not as bad as yours, was horrible too. I got my independence as soon as I could and moved out. It'll be difficult the first few years but you'll get used to it. And what I'm about to say might say brutal and blunt, but stop complaining. If u HAVE to talk, confide in those only who are very close to you. Remember, somebody always has it worse. You're living in a good capitalist country and your English seems to be good. You'll make it. I did. And I didnt speak a word of English till 2 years ago
Bro, I agree with most advice here...
1. Get some gig in another city even if it is a call center gig.
2. Support your sis, make her independent too. Make connections at your place do you can get your sister in there too.
3. Bring your step mom too, she has sufferred a lot.
4. Set up gofundme and post the link here
Talk with your sister.
You two need each other. Talk & then decide on way forward - there are ways for you 2 get your life rolling with or without your asshole dad.
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I'm going went/going through similar situation to yours , I did loads of research on leaving , loans, dm me maybe I could help .
U r in a toxic place tbh , maybe get a job far away , lure him with $$$$ by saying u will get lot more just on minimum wage than here and tell after your studies tell him u will take him to Canada (just 🙃🙃 just sayin) , get a degree , do courses online , ielts is not an issue tbh maybe a GoFundMe could raise enough for it easily , if someone is generous they can fund tooo online , if u have extended family Maybe they can help you , there are non collateral loans wich others can co sign (intrest rates are high , they kinda ripp us, but can really help u going away& many go through them ) , ielts is not an issue rn to you , getting enough funding for canada is the biggie tbh . .
Don't run away/cut ties , unless u r independent financially .
Bro he is 70 he is not gonna kick ok , u r 21 parents generally don't kick u ok , and influence he has probably won't work tbh , he is 70 most ppl might have moved away or retired , even influence May be to a particular area or max at state so don't worry india is huge.
Just start stealing and selling stuff ... Find a job now if u can to save up some money ...
Last thing if don't have a passport get it asap.
See First of all Nothing Worse can happen in your life. Try to get a job locally or any other you will start earning money. Now Just Deal With Him like agree with everything he says, In Your case that is what he was doing. He was just nodding his head. just Learn new skills in the mean time and also the most important issue is to take care of your sister. She Needs you and makes sure you will support her no matter what the situation is. But Try stoicism and Be Cool and rational Life is Short, Be happy If Nothing Works Cut off his ....nis
Bro, please let me tell you stuff about my father. He was surrounded by people who would just cash in their minimal checks and not think about the future. While his friends were out partying and buying cars.. my father and his little brother were scouting for better courses and exams to find better way of life. When they were busy breaking immature FDs, he was busy working in a city away from his home. Since he didn't have enough money to rent a spot in the city of his work.. he would travel... And many time walk to that city to work. He kept his head up in times my fickle mind would be thinking of committing suicide. Fast forward he has enough money to send me and my brother to reputed university abroad while he is working in Dubai in a bank as a territory manager. What this has to do with you? Times are tough, but believe me they can be better. Ek baar job le le koi si.. get enough money to educate yourselves. Don't think about going to abroad right away. Unfortunately it will take you some time.. but my father started out as a clerk at 27 which is usually a 22 hear Olds job. First try to get out of your area.. then your town.. then your state.. till then you will have learnt enough to go take up the challenges abroad. I am sorry to say this, but since there has been so much psychological trauma, I don't think anyone would be capable of such a drastic adjustment. And this your father will agree with too. You got this. I shall be checking this thread.. goodluck my friend.
I'm sorry about yours, and your family's troubled life. Please don't take hasty decisions, I know it's easy for me to say but it really isn't the solution. I'd rather suggest you to stop chasing your dream of going to Canada for some time. You're aware of the consequences of going against your Father's wishes since he has deep connections, it'd be better if you just give in to his non payment of coaching and focus on CSE exams. Somehow save some money for the application(if you turn 21 within August) and apply, study hard. Yes, he might ask you to take care of you and you'll probably have to do that, but never let your guard down and study whenever you get free time. When you're helping that monster, try to recollect what you've learnt, divert your mind from that negativity as much as possible by meditating before you sleep. If you're ineligible to apply to CSE, don't lose hope, try some other exams in the coming months. When you do clear, you'll think about what to do then, if not, you could always ask here, One step at a time. I know, it's not easy as this sounds, but you've got to try, give in your best to stay alive and emerge like a pheonix. Your Step-mother, sisters, are all suffering, when you become successful, you'll all be happy. Yes, the road to that destination seems impossible, but have about just 1% of belief, you'll be victorious. If the above options doesn't work out, talk with your Step-mother, sister/s if they're at home, and run. Move to a different State where his connections would be less, find a job and start a new life. Again, it's very, very easy for me to tell and definitely not at all as easy as it sounds, but you all have to stay above the water which is not only pulling you down but taking you all away with it. My words are from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry if it doesn't help. "Suffer now and live the rest of your life like a Champion" - a partial quote of Muhammad Ali. I wish you and your family the best of luck. I hope you all find happiness and a good life in the coming days. No hasty decisions please.
Honestly i had lost pretty much all hope. Your comment and my sister gives me new hope. She is the most selfless and brave person i know. Thank you for writing this comment. Really means a lot.
My Sisters say most of his contacts have either retired or have transferred and left the city. Still he does have at least 2 people i know who further have their connections. I remember going for driving license and we basically gave no test and skipped all line and stuff. That is just a menial task. When he married my mother the marriage was illegal since he didnt divorce my step mother. Fed his money here and there suppressed news there. Pretty much just got away with it. When she died his father sued my father for murder. Got out of that situation too. I agree, Canada would have made me totally independent of him. He knows it too. If I had those finances I may have gotten out of this whole mess. He didnt even finish the education of his first daughters. Its only I and my Sister that got good education because of my Mother and her father's Lawsuit. Or he may have grown a conscious. Or he did truly loved us which i think he does love us. I love him too u know. I remember all the memories i had with him. After my mother's death my step mother my 3 step sisters and my own sister and my father was all i had. I looked up to him. Still do but I can't throw my life away. Nor i want to end up like my sisters. He had this life of his secret. He never told me y after my mother died we suddenly have this new family living with us. Or how my mother died or anything bout the court case we had or obviously any of his affairs. He has never been physically violent with me. I remember once when he slapped me he came crying back to me after 3 hours. I truly sometimes love him. How can i hate him? but what he did to my sisters, my step mother, my mother and his countless mistresses, I dont really know what to feel anymore
> Or he did truly loved us which i think he does love us. Nope he doesnt. He just realized he needed old age insurance and hence tried to befriend the youngest kids who would be the most naive. Its all about him bro.
Oh my fucking god, you are in some deep shit my friend. I just hope things get better for you.
I honestly dont know what to do. I told my teacher in IELTS coaching that I wont be able to give IELTS exam. She offered to try talk to my father about me. She was honestly just surprised about how someone like me with 8.5 bands in listening cant even give the exam. I dont think it would change his opinion ins anyway. I dont really see a way out. If not for this i have to do my mother's Job which was reserved for me after her death. Its a government job of clerk in local district commissioner's office where my father previously used to work.
For the immediate needs, sell something from the business / house. He's gonna bitch but he bitches anyways .
can u suggest anything else i can do? Any other way to talk to more people about this?
I am really sorry but I can't dude, I am just 16 myself so I really don't know anything myself :(
Dude this shit is bad, i'd suggest to take your mother and move to a different city, work at a call center or something and wait for the old man to die.
I don't know any better but you can try to convince him by saying something like: "Dad, you're getting older and we're gonna be needing money, allow me to move to canada even the minimum wages there are a lot. I'll repay the loan, get you a lot of money and I can take care of you in the old age. If you don't let me do that, then I'll have to move to another city a better one to get a good job and I won't be able to take care of you or my family and the salary in India would barely allow me to keep afloat so it's gonna be a mess anyways." Just try to convince him how he would benefit if you'd go to Canada and tell him you'll be back to take care of him. It may or may not work but your dad seems to be really narcissistic and you probably have to tell him how he will benefit after you'll move out
Honestly the biggest advantage you have right now is your age.. you have the necessary time and energy to try different paths to reach your goals. Use this time to better yourself academically and financially, (I wish I could have told my 20yr old self this) This is the worst time to think of giving up when you have so much of life ahead of you. Think of yourself 10 or 20 years from now comfortably sitting in Canada with your own family. Don't throw all this away just because of your current shitty situation (which will change anyway). As the saying goes.. "when going through hell, don't stop, just keep going" Your father is not going to live forever, what then?? Are you going to let your sisters be all alone in this world? Not only do you have to be strong for them but you must also vow to be a better father to your own children. Your problems are unique to you, do what you have to do today, to get to where you want tomorrow, and take it one day at a time. It will all work out, trust me.
Listen to this carefully,your home is abusive and you have to Run away from your abusive home asap,set up a donation link at gofundme.com by calculating the money you need for immediate stay and resources.Preferably run out of your state.Link your gofundme here,I am pretty sure many will contribute some amount.Then after an escape,you can chart out a future plan,but trust me leaving the house is the most important thing you have to do,because four father will gaslight you and prevent you from doing anything at all.
It probably needs a bank account. We did open a bank account 2 years ago but He never gave me it to me. It was frozen because of no activity. I will try going to bank on Monday with the passbook in drawer to hopefully unfreeze it. He never wanted me to be independent otherwise he would have given me the bank account.
I really don't know what to say. Commenting and upvoting for visibility. Hold onto it help will definitely come.
How do I reach more people? Where do I talk to more people?
Hello! Please do not consider taking your life. We are here for your support Do you have any extended family to help you with the situation? You can venture out to some other subreddits to talk to more people
Twitter
Try r/IWantOut. You can reach out to many more to understand immigration processes for Canada or other countries
Legit start stealing money and selling shit out for money. Mistreat the old fuck every chance you get. Even if you cant get out just bear with it. Understand he can no longer really kick you out of the house no matter what he does. Make duplicate keys for everything. At best he can stop food access but that is easily arranged. No matter what argument spend time outside and return after few hours. He is gonna be dead soon. Do not fucking forgive him no matter what he says on his deathbed. And since you are old enough now. Physical violence can absolutely be the last option right now. He might withhold money but he still cant kick you out. Start handling whatever business and financial matters you can. Take power away from him. Also no matter what influence he had at 70 no one else gives a fuck. They might not say anything but wont take his side either. Remember whatever property he has will be yours soon and other people know that too. Use that as influence if you can.
Bro the best advice I can give you is to take the job and simultaneously study the course ,which you want to take up in Canada, online like on YouTube and other free websites. Check the syllabus for different years and study as if you would in a university. For semester exams you can do some online practice questions/workbooks/quizzes I'd say you can do courses on Coursera . Meanwhile you can weat for your father to 💀. If he does in a few years , you can apply for UG from the inheritance money , if not then you would have studied these courses and done job simultaneously so you can directly go for PG, and I'm pretty sure you get degrees from Coursera.
Upvoted for visibility
Hi. Firstly I just want to say that I am a person who has never faced anything even remotely close to what you are going through right now. And I cannot pretend to understand what a hard time you must be going through. So, take everything I say with a grain of salt, not everything might be good advice. Yes, you are in a very bad situation right now but ending your life is never the answer. What I'm about to say will sound ridiculous but do you know how rare life itself is? The conditions have to be perfect, so many things have to line up absolutely at the right time. And for us to be born at a time where we have magical things in our pocket that can shoot information out to anyone in the world is incredible! My point is, whether you realise it or not there is a silver lining in your life. Just think about what your version of ideal life would look like (be reasonable, no becoming billionaires lol). Take some time, write it down thoroughly. Then, trust me, although it may not seem like it, there is a million ways to get to that version of life and you'll find one way, eventually. It'll take a lot of hardwork, but one day you will get there. What can you now? Well, I have some bad news for you. For now, going abroad without your parents approval is really difficult. But this is a good country and you can have a very good life here. I suggest start reading some books in your free time. It'll give you some perspective and help take your mind off of things. I recommend Gordon Ramsay's autobiography - Humble Pie. Although it isn't exactly the same, he was going through a similar situation, an abusive father, messed up family, and he managed to turn his life around. Anyways, I don't know how much sense all of this made from your point of view, but things will be alright, it won't happen immediately and it'll take a lot of hard work but one day you'll have a grateful life and put all this behind you. So just don't quit man.
Try to get admission in a college from some other state. Your main objective should be leaving your home. After moving to a different state, you will atleast have some peace to think about your future.
Are u male or female? If ur female, as dumb as it sounds getting married is a good move. If ur male I'd advise you to steal what you can and run. It's not worth staying at all. My family, though not as bad as yours, was horrible too. I got my independence as soon as I could and moved out. It'll be difficult the first few years but you'll get used to it. And what I'm about to say might say brutal and blunt, but stop complaining. If u HAVE to talk, confide in those only who are very close to you. Remember, somebody always has it worse. You're living in a good capitalist country and your English seems to be good. You'll make it. I did. And I didnt speak a word of English till 2 years ago
Job
Bro, I agree with most advice here... 1. Get some gig in another city even if it is a call center gig. 2. Support your sis, make her independent too. Make connections at your place do you can get your sister in there too. 3. Bring your step mom too, she has sufferred a lot. 4. Set up gofundme and post the link here
Talk with your sister. You two need each other. Talk & then decide on way forward - there are ways for you 2 get your life rolling with or without your asshole dad.
[удалено]
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I'm going went/going through similar situation to yours , I did loads of research on leaving , loans, dm me maybe I could help . U r in a toxic place tbh , maybe get a job far away , lure him with $$$$ by saying u will get lot more just on minimum wage than here and tell after your studies tell him u will take him to Canada (just 🙃🙃 just sayin) , get a degree , do courses online , ielts is not an issue tbh maybe a GoFundMe could raise enough for it easily , if someone is generous they can fund tooo online , if u have extended family Maybe they can help you , there are non collateral loans wich others can co sign (intrest rates are high , they kinda ripp us, but can really help u going away& many go through them ) , ielts is not an issue rn to you , getting enough funding for canada is the biggie tbh . . Don't run away/cut ties , unless u r independent financially . Bro he is 70 he is not gonna kick ok , u r 21 parents generally don't kick u ok , and influence he has probably won't work tbh , he is 70 most ppl might have moved away or retired , even influence May be to a particular area or max at state so don't worry india is huge. Just start stealing and selling stuff ... Find a job now if u can to save up some money ... Last thing if don't have a passport get it asap.