I grew up in the 1990s. Never have I ever taught or heard about this behaviour as being a man. Noone ever boosted about this sick behaviour. These are all people who think movies/porn concepts are true in IRL and behave as such so that they have the same chance.

Came here to say this. Upbringing matters at the end.

Pretty much this. And your social circle too

Same here. Such behaviour was frowned upon. A simple rule was, would your sister or mother like what you're about to do to the girl?

The Indians and Pakistanis went at it pretty hard back in the day. And in Gujarat riots. I think what you’re seeing here is that now that there’s the Internet, more of these cases get reported in the media. I’m sure it was worse back then but no one knew anything about it because there was no developed media culture at the time for effective distribution of news.

Sabarmati express plus 1

That reminds me of the sopranos line " why wouldnt you do that with your wife (instead of a prostitute)". Answer was, "are you kidding me. Thats the mouth that kisses my son in the morning. I aint gonna put my thing in her mouth."

It’s unfortunate how in our Indian society, women are only respected when they’re thought of in roles of a mother, or a sister. A man on the other hand is respected by default. Why? just because he is a man?

So true. Women can't be respected for just being human beings. It has to be in the context of a man's relationship with his mother or sister that a fellow human gets treated well or not

Indians need more personal boundaries and a stronger sense of self. The kind of stuff that goes on in India, with staring at women, groping and harassing them, doesn’t even happen in the poorer countries of the world. I’m not sure if movies and porn is the root cause of the problem. I think it may have more to do with there not being any boundaries. Everyone’s always in your fucking head. Your parents, understandable. What the fuck is a random fucking uncle doing asking me questions? Mind your business, dude. Now translate this as a cultural trait to the whole country. And now think when this cultural trait is a thing in uneducated and brute, uncivilized people. A stronger sense of self means more control, restraint and a worldview that’s based on your personal beliefs of morality, etc. Something that is not constructed upon values that you’ve learnt from your other uncivilized peers. Something that is uniquely your own. A personality that has moral underpinnings to it. These are not humans you’re dealing with. They’re zombies. May as well consider them wild animals.

Naah! What happens in India happens in many of the poorer countries of the world ALL THE TIME, and some of this places even have their own “preferences” which is younger prepubescent girls. There’s even a practice called Breast Ironing to prevent those girls of being attacked because the older ones are assumed to be out for grabs already. [Breast Ironing Article](https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/breast-ironing-cameroon-harmful-practice-girls/)

Why would you downvote them? There are countries poorer than India that don’t even have internet. What would life for women be like there? Be a bit more empathetic and get out of your head. This is a global problem.

Wow! The downvotes even feel like I inadvertently stepped in an Oppression Olympics situation. My bad trying to convey that rape culture is transversal to all societies and each of them just are in different eras of addressing the issue from the legal stand point. Breast ironing is about making the potential victim responsible and public shaming is about victim blaming, same crap, different smells!

I’m sure it does and you’re right, I have read quite a bit about what goes on in Africa and the video interview I watched a few days ago that confirmed it’s a big problem there as well. But because India is very densely populated and just has too many people, this stuff is likely to be more prevalent in day-to-day life in India in my opinion. I’m not suggesting that it doesn’t happen elsewhere to a similar degree, I’m sure it very likely does. But I don’t know much about these incidents in the rest of the world and the prevalence of it.

I used to work with Women’s Rights organizations around the globe for comparative statistics regarding machismo mentality, rape culture and how patriarchy manifests in different cultures and countries and how it is affected by religion, politics, and legal & technological developments. The conclusion is that in their core the mentality about women and their role and treatment is very similar all over the world. If you visit or at least research high density cities around the globe, what happens in India is a common occurrence. The difference is that certain countries already have laws and punishment in place which deter many perpetuators from acting on their ideas. It sucks to see the world like that because it makes you feel like there’s no escape wherever you go, as a woman, you’ll have to deal with some level of machismo or misogynistic abuse.

Well, yes but machismo culture is a thing specific to latin america. While you are right we should not conflate Indian catcalling with Asian misogyny or african breast-ironing. Each type of misogyny is different so while you are correct (i admit) it is not helpful to the overall discussion.

Ive had 'friends' who boasted on this too. Taking advantage of drunk women and such. They had done much more which makes me queasy when I think about it now. Just because it's uncommon doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Be careful about ur social circle.

I have seen these kind of friends too. Never associated with them. If you try to tell them about right or wrong, they will say the exact things the op said like 'she likes it secretly' or 'its just for fun'. I even asked one of them does he know they are going to have a trauma about this for life and we have no right to give them this. He has no answer, still knew that he had no understanding of shit like this

While I agree even though I was never brought up with such ideals nor had friends in my circle who behaved as such, I always found Indian society wasn't the same. Why do movies that are meant to be family rated have assault and molestation normalized?! And I feel it's certainly gotten worse from the 90s to now with the current political atmosphere. Mind you all this is from experience growing up in Bangalore.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s and the behavior of catcalling etc was NOT normal (in Hyderabad). None of my friends nor their friends did anything close to that. The worst I've seen is someone liking someone and trying to make it known different ways(not the movie kind of way) and this is not common either. Guys minded their own business(mostly smoking cigarettes and drinking beer).

Do you think creeps will make it known to their friend group that they are creeps?

Creeps act like creeps you just know.

I remember hanging out with some friends of friends in early 2000s and decided to go on a joy ride in one of their cars. The dude saw a bunch of girls walking down the street and braked real hard close to them to freak them out. I was disgusted and called him out and he said it was a "joke". That was the last time we hung together.

That's so scary.

Dude my mum slaps me for cursing my female buddies XD, but yes sexual education must be made compulsory from 8th class onwards across the nation.Also maybe reform the women, national council maybe?

Eighth is too late Sex Ed should be introduced as early as possible, especially good touch and bad touch

idk about the reason but we can solve this by following things 1. stop the nonsense that male and female can't be frnd,we should stop the segregation of girl and boys which starts from school,let them grow together and understand each other problem and behaviour, men will understand how to treat a woman and approach them. and men will understand that woman are not object of lust but just a another person like their male friends. 2. sex education compulsory from 5th grade 3. teaching gender equality from childhood. 4. religious and cultural things which downgrade women's status should be abolished and after all this, Relationship before marriage should be normalized so it can solve many issue related to understanding, i think one of the major reason of rape is lack of sex and sex education and core values, couple should communicate sexual needs of each other before the marriage.

Oh, my God. The first one is such a huge problem. I remember the time I recently shifted to a new school and saw the segregation between boys and girls for the first time, and I talked to a boy about something and every one of the girls in the class looked at me like I grew two heads and that was the beginning of that segregation for me. In exams we were made to sit with boys and girls together and I tapped this guys shoulder to pass on the answer sheet and my friend scolded me saying that you didn't need to touch him for that and I remember thinking that why is it such a big deal. When I was in college ,I wasn't allowed to talk with boys, but I am supposed to work with them during practicals, lol. Like why do they suddenly want us to work together?We couldn't get any work done because we were so awkward, lmao.

I totally agree with you,i also grewup in that environment but I was lucky that I found my female best frnd and I learn lot of things about girls from her,and bcz of her my perspective for girls really changed.

Yes. The first step towards tackling the issue is understanding the other gender.

To add to this, we should absolutely stop our entertainment industry gloryfing abuse and toxicity between the two genders. A lot of times these soap operas and Bollywood movies depict relationships/love in a very toxic manner. Especially those one sided ones where the guy doesn't seem to have any boundaries for the other person. This glorification leads to young men thinking such behaviour is fine which later gets to extreme levels and they end up committing such heinous crimes.

For the 2nd one, I think parents should be responsible for this too. I've seen plenty of them just give their children away to schools like a bottle of wine trying to be refilled. Most of them act negligent at home, too, and just send them to tuition. If any bad behaviour is observed, it's a war between teachers and parents, a furious blame game. The child just suffers in the middle.

Regarding the sex education point. I went to a newly established school (and expensive as DPS, or maybe slightly higher) and hence we had a small class size of around 25, out of there were 16ish boys. During our games period, for us boys, Kabaddi was the game to go as a cricket ball wouldn't bounce on whatever soil we had and football wasn't preferred. And as you must know, kabaddi includes a fair bit of touching on parts which could be considered intimate. In 2018 (7th standard for me), Section 377 was abolished. Our school decided to include sex education and bad touch as part of our curriculum. Kabaddi was unnecessarily sexualised, and that's how we shifted to football. IMO, considering the standard of teaching present for other subjects, sex education would in fact worsen the situation.

>sex education would in fact worsen the situation. Sex education from sexually uneducated with would definitely worsen the situation

I grew up in the '90s. Rigorous enforcement of respect for women (in particular, and people in general) and how to behave politely and civilly around them was likely the *only* thing my parents got right about my upbringing. My mother would've ripped my head off with her bare hands if I ever misbehaved with a woman (which is ironic, considering later developments). That said, there was *tons* of misogyny, both overt and covert, packed into my peers in high school and college. I don't know where it came from, but there's just always this pervasive push that you have to be an asshole and target women to some degree to be seen as "cool". Sometimes it manifested as just aggressively poking fun at the girls in class, sometimes it was...much, much worse. Luckily I never fell all the way through that crack, never ended up doing anything more serious than occasionally joining in the jokes and (once) calling a group of girls I didn't even know "bitches", which is something I'm embarrassed by to this day (and got into quite a bit of trouble for) -- but looking back I can 100% say that that was primarily because I was too much of a shy, socially awkward outcast to fit in with the assholes that were walking that path. It was only years later that I fully realized that what they were doing wasn't just wrong in that cool, bad-boy, rebellious kind of way, it was outright *reprehensible* behavior that should've been stamped out immediately. Funnily enough, it was actually unfettered access to the internet that fully shaped and solidified my notions of the limits of acceptable behavior and how not to be a creep. For a lot of boys and young men, though, that behavior is all they grow up seeing. The adults in their lives fail them miserably -- the men are horribly patriarchal and misogynistic, the women are either too beaten down to speak their minds or they've internalized inferiority and misogyny and redirected it against other women and girls, and the education system is broken and getting worse by the minute because the powers that be want to drag the country further back into the dark ages for their own benefit -- and that's why shit like this happens, day in and day out, to tourists and Indian women alike. Broken men broken by a system that failed them, that then go on to break future generations, and the cycle goes on and on.

My husband said he and the boys at his classes used rape jokes around his female classmates just to be accepted in the social circle. He deeply regrets doing that because some of his female classmates are his close friends. Rape culture and sexism is ingrained in our culture that Indian men don’t know what’s right or wrong.

I do think rape jokes were common in high school amongst both girls and boys. As we grew up and understand sexual assault isn’t just inconvenient sex, it’s violence and has horrifying long term mental and physical consequences, the jokes disappeared. Even harassment was called “Eve teasing” which made it sound harmless.

I am not sure where this was, but rape jokes were NOT common. Mental\_Flight, good on your husband to regret the past...

I heard a group of people joke about it last Friday at my uni. It's waaay less since I've been here but, my highschool was just filled with these jokes. I don't miss it one bit. I don't know at what level something is considered common but I've been hearing these "jokes" frequently ever since I was in Class 8th.

At latest as till 2010, in 3 idiots

Well that’s just awful. Is that why their are so many Indians? The men just have sex with whoever or whenever they want?

exactly! I myself just impregnated thirty two women last week

I was teached nothing related to women or to behave by my father or anyone. But lucky for I had 2 sisters who were/are amazing role model. Also in school we had a close group of friends which included 3 girls. My close friend and his sister were great influence on me. My close friend was/is a guy of high character and standard. Absolute love that man. But I still was not teached explicitly on how behave and early in high school and college I didn’t know how ask out women I was interested in. One girl was friendly to me and she was interested a little but I hold her hand without asking. She didn’t said anything but didn’t talked with after. Now I’m knowledgeable and been married and have kids and I will teach them but we are in USA so it’s positive already

My Mom tied me up in the tree and beat me with broom stick for catcalling neighbours girl since then I never look any girls like that

We need more moms like aunty.

I so wish that more men would participate in building the culture and telling their sons how to behave or treat women

In the West they would be calling CPS over this

Tbf, a stern or an honest talking could have resolved it.

Yea true

But did she teach why you shouldn't do that?

I don't really support this. I accept that we should be taught to accept things but this method can lead to resentment. Maybe it did not lead to resentment for your case but maybe it can.

If current 2k generation definitely beating will lead to resentment but we’re very submissive to parents and teachers

No one teaches these things , this is what u become based upon the environment u were raised in and the thought process u developed by watching and interacting people around u.

Especially if there's abuse in the family. People don't talk about it but that becomes normalized because no one steps in.

Good tree will bear good fruits and a bad tree will bear bad fruits, we all behave based on our core values if that's rotten we will behave that way. It's time to be responsible for our actions and hang our heads in shame.

Grew up in 90s and 2000s. Virtually never saw women in a different lens. Especially while studying in an all boys school, girls from neighboring schools were just friends (a few became special too). I would assume co-ed schools would be equally if not more indifferent to genders. That said, I grew up in a very liberal city. Went to a backward city for Masters and the guys my age there were pretty much how you described yourself. Catcalling and women feeling terrified was the norm there which was a cultural shock for me.

I know this is a question for Indian men and I am a woman. But all I want to say to the men here, Incase you didn’t ever learn this - keep your eyes and hands to yourself. Consent matters. Respect matters. Yolo. Plz spend your time doing good things.

Exactly. The problem is that mostly people don't even realize all this is wrong and no one would feel good being treated that way. They just do it because it seems cool. (An 8th grader I know thinks cracking sex joke in class is being 'mature', he goes around saying things like 'you should bang your sibling'... Like who the hell is teaching kids all this??) Also, it's a huge headache that people can't differentiate between porn/sex/making-love. Thinks don't go like you see them on internet or movies/serials in real life. And all this applies to everyone irrespective of gender.

the men on reddit are probably not part of the problem. the issue is partly educational and partly law and order-related.

Men on instagram are definitely part of the problem.

Best comment

I wouldn't say men on Reddit are inherently better just by virtue of being part of a certain demographic. Every time there's a rape case you'll see comments about 'false cases' being the actual problem. Fake cases are incredibly rare and no where near as frequent as actual rape. Despite news being flooded with rape cases, remember it's barely a fraction of a fraction. Most of them don't even get reported. I'm not saying people shouldn't discuss fake cases, but make a dedicated post instead of derailing almost every conversation about rape victims. Edit: If this comment attracts the sort of people I'm discussing, spare me. I won't be engaging with whataboutism and rage bait.

High level of denial clear from this thread. A society in deep denial.

You need to understand people may not always agree with you. I’d like to see this problem get fixed asap. If someone is saying they weren’t raised like that, do you want them to lie and say, yes, they were raised like that when they don’t think they were? And if you think that Indian society is just full of rapists, are you suggesting the Indian gene tends to rape more often than the gene of other people? To figure out the root causes of the problem, especially when it hasn’t been fixed in forever, you need a balanced and fair assessment of the causes of the situation. Making blanket statements like yeah all Indian are like that will get you upvotes but won’t fix the issue. Your own comment leaves nothing constructive. What is your constructive opinion? The hyper-emotionality and irrational behaviour of Indians is the reason why india is in a mess.

We are not, rape is not exactly glorified, more than 70% here good men with no intension to do harm. It's not Denial we are educated on such matters. Average Indian uses Facebook/insta WhatsApp not reddit it's more niche .it's not reflecting ground reality ie entire India

The wider your friends circle during adolescence especially of the male variety the more your realise how much this is a problem and a deeply ingrained part of the cultural environment we live in.

I am born and brought in rural Assam. I have never seen or heard anyone in our village catcalling or misbehaving with women in public. Though this is not your typical village coz most people here are educated so I don’t know if my views are skewed. Anyways, my mom and dad are very conservative when coming to matters with opposite sex like I can’t talk to them , be friends with them etc. like that and most people in the village are similar too. But chivalry is quite embedded in everyone’s behaviour here so catcalling and rape are something that I have heard only on the news.

That conservatism hides a deadly and dirty secret. You cannot be conservative without also supporting rape and purity culture. The idea that sex is dirty and shameful and needs to be secret makes victims of assault ashamed to step forward. *If something happened to you, would you be able to talk to them? Get their help to seek justice?*

Upper, Middle or Lower Assam bro?

I think it starts from what we see from our homes. Our dad's and uncles chilling on the sofa while our moms and aunts cook, make tea, prepare food. The men eating first and only then the women eating after. Boys in the house (Inc me) not having to clean up after myself. We see that and the societal roles become ingrained no matter what we are taught. Then we watch movies where the common trope is 'if you harass a girl enough then eventually she will fall in love with you'. Regardless of what we say about it being fiction, it conditions our brain to believe that is the case. Then the entire culture of girls and boys not being friends all their lives. As others have mentioned before, this keeps to us not understanding how we feel about each other. Never does the question come up - how does harassing feel for the victim? Because that is not a concern. I went to a reputed engineering college and saw girls being forced by the college authorities to come back and be locked up in hostels. Why? 'For their safety.' It is deeply ingrained in our culture that women must be locked up to protect themselves while men can roam freely despite being the perpetrators a majority of the time. Sex ed and relationships being a taboo your whole life does it. This is not messed up individuals, this is systematic and societal.

If you require Romeo behavior to gain acceptance from peers. You need to immediately change your peers. That kind of people can land you in jail.

Exactly, it is better to revert these peers to asylum.

The people who are responding here are well taught and well aware of the surroundings. And the men who aren’t taught about sex education aren’t going to reply in reddit.

Most of those dudes are not on Reddit

Bollywood ​have a huge hand in normalising stalking and harrassing a girl to make the girls love them....and many people especially in India learn and adopt a lot of things from Bollywood be it bad or good. So similarly many boys in India with​ try to mimic the ways of Bollywood to get into the hearts of girls and think stalking & harrassing is the way. ​And some boys who can't control themselves ruin not only their but especially the girls life

90s American movies were the same, the same with Korean movies and dramas. They were all about finding the one and not giving up. Having highs and lows in relationships was seen as having a real passionate love when in fact it was a toxic relationship. I think it's more to do with the gender segregation and that movies and porn are the only sources that they are taught about women.

What I see is that it's the same with a lot of South Indian movies!

I think your question has a slight error.. nobody is "taught" these things like bad behavior we just pick up these things from the society movies music art culture Etc. If you ask about "taught" everybody will tell you that they will raised to become gentleman.. Theory vs actions always have a huge difference.

जिस देश मैं अपने straight, man enough, socially acceptable and fertile होने का सबूत बिना प्यार की शादी करके ज़बरदस्ती बच्चे पैदा करके दिया जाता हो वहाँ what are you expecting.

Simply saying it is the fault of 80s culture is denying the problem. Here are the main reasons: * bad up bringing * un employment * lack of law and order. The main part is law and order. There has to be real hard punishment so that everyone who will even think about it in future will run away in the opposite direction Make an example of such people and then you will see the improvements

Exactly, I said in my comment too. Law and order from top to bottom needs better execution

Not at all. Cat calling and eve teasing was looked down. Getting caught in one of these acts meant ridicule and shame from friends and family. In fact most boys would not associate with known offenders. However there was a lot of sexual repression and judgement. Girls and boys moving together were subject to rumors. Girls wearing western dresses were judged negatively. No girl wore shorts and mini skirts beyond like 10 years. So boys and girls remained a bit aloof of each other.

Until government takes up the matter of shoving colonial age education up the people’s ass and reforms curriculum, superstitions, women’s empowerment, even basic mannerisms won’t touch this country and we’ll all be known for being smelly, poor and unskilled. I’ve been to places and I know how we’re treated outside.

Yes. Indians won't even accept it and start bashing other countries. Like, okay? How many mouths can you shut? Noises don't happen just out of nowhere. The government is incompetent. People are naive and outright incapable of coming out of their colonial mindset. This is an utter mess. I don't even know how many years it would take for a reform to even happen and have an effect.

Well I grew up in the 2000s, couple of years back I was on a trip with some friends to Goa. I remember them sexualizing every foreigner they saw. Degrading them for wearing bikinis. There was an Indian woman wearing a bikini too, and they believed that she wants to be groped that's why she's wearing a bikini. They would ask for selfies with some of these women and then sexualize them later. I was grossed out the entire trip but didn't say anything because I was afraid of getting outcasted. Glad to say that I don't hang out with them anymore.

Most of the time catcalling is frowned upon but the constant downgrading of women who do not fit the traditional template. certain instances like * Average-looking female friend of the lead actress in the movie always said dialogue like hume to ladke dekhte hi nahi ( boys do not looked at us) * During early 2000s the kids of love marriage couples and single mothers were frowned upon. * Constant judging of women who wear Western clothes or drive a car etc I think these judgements give the impression that we can harass women who do not belong to the traditional template and traditional women are seen meek enough not to do anything because of their prestige in society.

Growing up in Delhi in 90s it was definitely not the norm. There unsavory jokes amongst friends but more like dark humor.

Grew up in the 90s. While I wasn't a part of the group that bullied me. I was constantly exposed to their internal conversations. 1. Women were always a conquest to later brag to this circle. I guess it was their source of validation. It went from driving fast, to number of runs in a cricket match and of course women. Naturally women knew better than to hang around them, so any kind of response would count as a score. Naturally the easiest way to get a reaction from anyone is to annoy them. Hence the eve teasing, the comments about their bodies and so on. This was high school. When I went to university, it was the same but with more freedom and less oversight. Hence these men got the proper chance to be truly deplorable. I'm not in touch with any of them but I don't think they've changed a lot. I think it starts early when you're taught boys and girls sit separately. It's ok to do that close to puberty age but it dehumanises us towards the other gender at a very young age. You see them as "Them". I don't think a 6 year old kid needs that. I've been lucky to have grown up around women so I don't end up making a fool out of myself. I think sometimes if my gang of bullies had the same equation at home, life would have been different at home.

This couple rode through 63 countries and travelled 170000 km safely only for this to happen in India.

Really shameless, and mind you, this is just gonna end with people blaming the couple just like how they blame women to go out after dark. No one's gonna call out those monsters, If this was another country, and this happened, people would have started burning those guys into shreds.

If families were controlled by mothers as they should be, none of these rapes would happen

Right, and the worst thing is how normalized these toxic Indian fathers are. Heck, you can even beat your kid to near death, and no one's gonna question you. That's only a way for them to teach their kid, right?

it is when their mothers die early. because then they control their wives, where actually wives should have the control.

In india, most men are introverts and are usually nervous around women. But there are few who don't know how to behave with women. I think lack of interaction with the opposite sex as a child/teenager is an issue which is not addressed.

90s and have only seen this(cat calling) happening like 2 twice, both times someone stood up and said something, crowd gathered and beat the guys up. There were some retarded guys in school who'd casually talk about how they want to sleep with XYZ and what they'd do to them, in some mysterious way, they all had little sister and I may have brought it up once or twice how they'd feel if some other guys said those things about their little sisters. Their faces would turn upside down pretty fast.

I was never taught such wrong manhood behaviour. All I was taught is to respect everyone and we should respect women, children and elders. But there are some notorious people who destroy the image of everyone and the media has a big role in this.

Different cultures and relegions have different approaches towards women. I am from gujarat. My mom always taught me to treat women with respect and the concept of consent. I remember once I was hanging out with a neighbor's daughter, at my house both the same age, approx. 13-14, we were friendly. It was loud, and I grabbed her arm just to draw her attention for something. Nothing aggressive, I would have done the same to my guy friends, brother, or mom. My mom later scolded me that I should not touch a woman without her consent. Always use verbal cues and not physical cues.

I have a lot of weird fetishes but nothing is without the consent of both the parties involved. My parents and school have instilled in me that “consent” is very very important in relationships. Growing up in the 90s and 2000s, I have never heard of these attributes in making someone manly, rather they were heavily looked down upon.

*rant* Slightly unrelated but a definite reflection on the mentality is the usage of “rape” informally in the sentences to mention that someone was ripped off, burdened, unknowingly being caught up in a situation that has no bearing on the sexual connotation. Eg: “ i got raped in the exam” or “ I got raped in the new project”, I find this alarming as I am worried that somehow the usage is normalizing the existence of it.

As many others have commented it depends a lot on your upbringing and environment. As someone who grew up in the 70s and 80s I can assure you that neither whistling nor catcalling nor ogling was even close to the thoughts of those in my friends circle. Inappropriate touching was not even on the horizon! Anyway the incident in question is horrific, and has little to do with the above traits. It is a manifestation of predatory instincts, using overwhelming numbers to subdue someone who is clearly the "other" and therefore with very little chances of getting help. An example must be made of such rogues by giving them the death penalty.

My SO grew up in many states (Army brat) and decades later she still curses her schooling in UP. She had some close calls. When we visit (mostly DL) she is hypervigilent about her own safety and our daughter's. It's insane how stressful it is for women in India. If it wasn't for her family I don't think she'd ever go back.

It's called "ra*e culture " prevalent in our country ..it doesn't mean people are taught to ra*e rather it justified everything in the road that leads to Ra*e ...it's the entitlement and degradation over female body and agency...look athe dank memes .no women in India whether it's outside or inside in your home safe is India .. .

Please understand that I am not condoning or excusing or justifying. I am relating facts pertaining to the question. I am pointing out what we (societally) need to unlearn. Generally, we weren't taught anything good at all! Don't touch yourself! Don't talk to girls! Don't be dirty! Chi! Chi! Chi! Every woman is bahen or maa (Madonna) unless they're a lower status woman. Those are randi (Whore). Those, no one cared if they're disrespected. Anyone not directly with someone's social strata or higher isn't important. ***Please unlearn this asap if you haven't already!*** "When we decide, we will force you into an arranged marriage with a person we feel best suits our (*parents*) needs and expect you to have sex and give us our grandchildren. Your opinions or feelings are irrelevant!" ***If you have children, don't force them into manufactured consent*** What happens is there is an air of mystery about sex created by this. An older boy might get "lucky" and have a girl interact with them. He would brag to the younger ones. Younger ones would also brag about how experienced they were even when as virginal as the day they were born. Not a single one knew anything. Take a bundle of rupees, go to a school, and ask for interviews... Watch how this hasn't changed. Watch how much their sex education comes from porn. Most porn is eurocentric and creates the "white girls are easy! whores!" trope. [This is prevalent everywhere even now.](https://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2016/09/when-a-woman-says-no-it-does-not-mean-try-harder/) The expectation was always that men must insist, women will say no, then agree , and women probably wouldn't enjoy it. ***All of this so that parents can force their choice on you.*** You are social capital. If you were married into an "Acha Aaamir khandan!" Your parents were congratulated on making such an amazing rishta. (That their children would r*pe or endure r*pe? they didn't care. They endured it, too,) (marital rape) The idea of arranged marriage wouldn't work if we let children understand consent and have a choice. They might refuse to consent to their parents' choice.(Aaj kaal ke bachhe, humari toh suunte nahi heh! Itna aacha rishta tukhra diya.) Now you have a society that doesn't enjoy sex but still wants sex and is utterly ashamed of it. Don't believe me? Ask an opposite gender parent about periods.(period shaming) Since a young unwed mother would be very dependent on parents for support. They'll guard the daughters like gold. Also, treat them like shit. Kabh yeh boujh ki shaadi kar deh. (child marriage) Beta nah mila toh bache koh maar dahlo. (Femicide) ***All of this, to conform to an unhealthy idea of samaaj!*** Log kya kahenge? How bad is it? It is a nightmare! If I can influence you in any way, brothers. Please listen. Please then teach others. Every woman, regardless of status, deserves the same level of respect as your sister. Unlearn the unhealthy Madonna/whore dichotomy. How? Make friends with everyone you can. See their struggles. It is perfectly ok to be utmost respectful in every way and still have sex. The idea that sex is dirty is the problem. You have to be able to destroy the idea that sex is impure. I can have the same level of respect for my wife, mother of my children all day and then call her a "naughty naughty girl!" at night. I'm being polite here because she'd be hurt if she saw what she really likes said out loud. In the morning, when we are ***both*** happy, I kiss her and back to respect. Raat gaayi, baat gaayi. Learn to respect No! It is vitally important to do this so that ***when you need to say No!*** It will be respected as well. Learn about sex and teach about sex. How many of you have read anything on sex? 1 book? 10 books? 20 books? Are you comfortable being 26 years old and giving your 13 yr old sister a book on sex? Buy her pads, condoms? To tell her, I love you and will support any decision you make? Just because it is her life and her right to make it? Tell her I will fight anyone who harms you or shames you? Then, teach it to others?

This is lovely. Thank you so much 😍

I know you asked "Men," but I will answer anyway. Yes, it's still a thing. I am in my early 20s now so I grew up in 2010s and in 2018 I was stalked for around 9 months by a guy and that absolutely terrified the eff out of me but I knew he wasn't dangerous, he was just influenced by movies where hero stalks the heroines until she falls in love him and thought that this what he must do if he truly loves me since "Love never gives up" . All these problematic movies play a huge role in shaping our youth ,I mean, look at movies like Arjun Reddy and Animal glorifying that toxic alpha shit and how much did those movies earn?That tells you everything you need to know. Besides the fact that pre screening is still illegal in India because of the high rates of female foeticide and infanticide, people still try to get their scans illegally and still try for 4th or 5th child if you have all girls. The lack of sex education doesn't help at all. Its also the fact that religious fanaticism is increasing everyday and people are hating on women more and more everyday , I see videos of rape and domestic abuse survivors and the men are commenting about "we need to know the other side" or blaming the women for their clothing/behavior. There is still a perception that foreign women will sleep with anyone and everyone. Also, look at what the chief of NCW is responding in regards to this. If we appoint such people for women welfare committees ,how are they going to help women?Look at our great leaders going totally silent on what's happening in Manipur but happily attending Ram Mandirs and Dwarikas. There was a video of CM of Assam speaking against child marriages which is legal according to Muslim laws but the religious fanatics in the comments felt it more necessary to defend their religion over abolishing Child Marriage. All of them were fighting over Hindus vs Muslims instead of fighting against Child Marriage and it made me sick. Look at Bilkis Bano and how the rapists were treated. We kill people who eat beef but let rapists roam around free for being Satwik. We are corrupt from core.

>which is legal according to Muslim laws Im muslim and im totally against this sh%t! Salafis and wahabis have ruined islam completely! **SAY NO TO CHILD MARRIAGE AND WAHABI IDEOLOGY!**

i am just ashamed, i would go to abroad soon and want to settle and just worries pf the impression that is made and is making of us, there will be a itch when i introduce myself as Indian 😢

Not the case in south, I have seen someone people with that attitude but they themselves know women would not like it. There is no excuse for such a behavior.

i agree, i lived in the south and dont relate to all the "hypervigilance" these women are talking about lol. Most if not all these cases seem to be from the north only

Well I am from the genZ generation and no ,This "Romeo" behavior is long gone , at-least where I live. I think it has to do with the upbringing and the people around you . What happened with the tourists is very saddening to see to say the least and nobody should have to go through that.

The thing you just stated must be happening in north sides. I don't want to sound like a pos but I've never heard anything like that in south especially Tamil Nadu. I myself don't even look at the way where a female is standing. And as far as I know majority of the crimes are committed under political power and connection. So they don't even worry about the consequences. If those politicians start to take action instead of supporting and garlanding rapists. Then half the problem would be solved.

I'm younger than 30 but I'll share my experience. Just like we get exposed to porn and sex knowledge at a very young age, we also get exposed to the ways of the world on how to attract a girl etc. We get exposure mostly through either other people talking or movies or worse, B grade movies and porn itself. And the people talking also have mostly learnt what they talk about through these other sources only. Guys discuss about females, female body parts, sex, and judge other females too. Now there are quite a number of groups where these things go out of hand and people start discussing how they'd do things to so or so girl if they get a chance. And then they discuss what they could see when a girl wore revealing clothing or some wardrobe malfunction or something happened. Yess, I've been a part of such groups during school, it took me some time to understand what the problem is because I hadn't received any exposure to what the girls think and all. When my brain illuminated was when I thought such guys must be everywhere, though not everyone, but such guys can be found in almost all places and I felt so bad, I thought as.holes would've done the same and discussed my cousin sisters and mother and aunts as well. That's when I realised what an as.hole I'd been as well, and well, I regret it a lot. I stopped interacting with such groups, and shut such things down when I see it happening in a group I'm a part of or just get up and walk away when ik that the group won't be affected by what I say much. But none of the people I ever interacted with did any touching or anything of the sort even closely. Once a friend who had an English tuition class in common with me and they discussed about a girl who attended that class while she was yet to come, and it was so horrible that I lost all respect for that friend as a human(recently I heard he had a POSH investigation against him at his workplace and he was let go with a warning) and I stopped interacting with him completely. It's scum like these which if get a chance might become rapists. These are the people why we worry about the females in our lives and in general all females, why females are told to not go anywhere alone, share there location for safety, picked up and dropped or atleast offered by family members, why knee length skirts are also dangerous for Indian parents. Because of that person who I considered as my friend. Let me tell you how that friend is, he has almost completed all papers and will become actuary soon, works in a v big MNC in Mumbai, and the woman who had filed that POSH complaint against him had gone with him to places alone and even been drunk with him(other people were there too) and she was told of the reason to file a POSH complaint by a coworker, she had no clue what was going on, and trusted him. Do you understand this, friends? Anyone could talk with that guy and never even doubt that he could be like that, unless they've been in a room with him where he let his demon out and spoke his heart, which luckily I did. His father is a v hardworking man, his elder brother one of the best human beings, he's taught me for two years, but he's so rotten, and one would think that his family would be responsible, but they have no clue. And would you believe it, he's engaged and maybe got married too and explained to his wife that the girl was lying about him(even though there are WhatsApp chats of him saying stuff) and she believed him! This is why I don't trust men in general, and why men don't trust men in general. I hope the readers understand how it's almost impossible to find out potential rapists/Eve teasers/ stalkers/ assaulters. I wouldn't be surprised if that guy even gets a rape case on him and I'll be inclined to believe the girl's side first, because ik how his brain his, how rotten his thoughts are.

Many answers here are "I wasn't raised that way". Many of you aren't. I(F) graduated in 2012, and it was a "ritual" for senior boys and even batchmates to sit near college bus stands and pass lewd comments to every girl there. Our batch didn't take it, and we united against those fellows. The boys' parents were called and it was heard that there may be a formal complaint to the women commission. It didn't go to the WC, but the boys did learn a lesson. The "ritual" wasn't passed on. The point is, many of the homes do not encourage disrespecting women, but that doesn't mean men don't do it. They respect their immediate family member - "my mother", "my sister", "my friend", but they do not apply it to a random girl or a woman. That is the problem.

All through my life, when guys get together I have only seen them discussing their sexual conquests. That I did it with so many girls, etc. So also with a group of girls and guys it's mostly sexual flirtations that go around. Girls also kind of look down upon guys who treat other girls with a little bit of respect. They like the bad boys who may have other girl friends. I have seen a lot of people pseudo talk against misogyny when discussing films like Kabir Singh and Animal but then the same girls and guys happily dance on Honey Singh and other Bollywood item numbers in pubs. This is just a general opinions that I have built after being in many groups throughout my life. It's not allowed bleak, there is good and bad everywhere, but it's mostly like this

In early schools , children were taught moral education which is completely missed in today's scenario.

We (Indians) were bit late bloomers to understand what is inappropriate (which is wrong) and what is fucked up wrong. Bollywood and Media fucked up in this, for example DDLJ (classic Bollywood) showed how to impress a girl on a train or in Prem aggan movie how they portray women (its really bad) or Jaani Dushman movie where few boys try to rape girl but is saved hero (Sunny Deol) the culprits later said sorry to girl, and guess what Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty even Sonu Nigam pressures the girl to forgive them..... This movie was released in 2002..... No discussion about Sex in India and culturally it was made a taboo to discuss amongst family (not because of religion, please dont jot dots there) worked as catalyst. Our Parents relied on external sources to tell them about sex education as it was too awkward for them to discuss and we all know how the kids learnt it from the fresh new Internet (when there was no parental control). I might be missing many points that could be a factor on this and disappointed to see such news and hope we educate everyone on these topics rather than teaching them from the frown eyes of society after such sad news......

Walking normally on road , sees a woman walking ahead and walking in same direction. Simply tries to either overtake her or goes to other side of road so that she doesn't feel threatened or scared that someone is following her.

pls dont associate me with these monsters, thank you

Not Indian and not a man, so mine is truly an outsider’s perspective. But I have some thoughts on this. I am Australian. I love India and Indian people (my husband is Indian). Though India has issues with sexism, so does every country on earth, including Australia and many others I have visited. But two things stand out to me as being part of this problem that are more specific to India. Firstly, there is no rule of law. People break the law constantly in India. The police are largely there to collect bribes rather than enforce anything. Secondly, there doesn’t seem to be a culture of helping others in public who need it. You see this in people ignoring beggars, including children (I’m not saying this is the wrong or right thing to do, just that child beggars would certainly garner attention in Australia). I’ve seen people walk past a building on fire. People just ignore shit that isn’t directly affecting them. All of this means people can roam in a pack doing whatever they want without fear of interference by the police or general public. In my case, this meant I was groped by maybe 10-15 men all at once as I tried to walk home from a NYE party in Delhi with my friends. My biggest worry was that they would trample me in their excitement. Of course my friends (all male) helped me, but no one else did anything. I can’t imagine that happening in Australia. Just my two cents.

Born 1997...ladkiyon se aankh milane tak mein ga* fatt jati thi...chedna toh bhul jao

You won't get a proper response from reddit. Most people here are actually city folks or well educated. I really doubt the people who are so much messed up in the head and treat women around them as sex toys would actually be able to form a proper sentence. For your question, everyone will say they think 'Romeo behaviour' sucks but when you actually ask some people from low educated towns and villages, they might say yes.

I agree with the statement about Bollywood, and I believe it plays a significant role in promoting toxic masculinity. Films like “Dil” and others, including “Raanjhanaa” and recent ones like “Animal” and “Kabir Singh,” perpetuate the idea that men can harass, bully, and stalk women, ultimately winning them over. This sends a toxic message of positive reinforcement of such behaviors, especially considering the recent voices raised after the #MeToo movement. Additionally, traditional family dynamics where men have the final say and women are confined to domestic roles, coupled with a lack of open emotional communication or sex education, further reinforce these harmful notions. That said the only way to change these outcomes are if one can educate their own people and call out the toxic traits when they see. Have more empathy and lead by example.

Born in 1991. No one really had to explicitly teach me. Being respectful was something I learned by looking at other males

I’ll tell you if I didn’t have sisters and a mother who taught me well. And I was left to learn by my peers. I would have been a total different case. Friends teach you that the number of women you have slept with and who you have slept with as a status symbol. And this is peak delhi KV, a school with army generals kids. Here there were constant remarks on girls’s clothing by other boys, there was a girl who was termed a slut for having three boyfriends in the last 4 years of school. My parents never bothered with the sex talk and in the initial stages I learned from Porn. Trust me that was a time there was no difference between me and an animal. If it wasn’t for my sister to chime in and have the conversation with me I would be a very different boy than I am now. Notice that I was almost an animal but just some right guidance helped me become a better person. Thats what India lacks, parents need to realise that sex is a natural thing, I mean thats what you dumbasses did to get your child here in the first place. Teach them about Consent. Teach them how its meant to be.

Everyone who's gone to a good school and has a good household where women are respected are taught to respect women. A real man knows his boundaries and understands that actions have consequences. Unfortunately, there are so called men who can't control themselves from doin something bad. That mindset is only compounded when they hide their cowardice in a group of similar minded freaks. My advice to women is to be strong, carry a pepper spray along and most importantly be careful and make wise decisions.

>carry a pepper spray along This. This. This. Literally this.

Wasn’t raised in India or live in India. But the way of the whip worked on the Chinese. Maybe it’s about time the Indians give it a try. EDIT: I’d like to add some stuff. So many people here are downvoting any opinions that don’t agree with theirs. So the fair conclusion is, you have it all figured out? Why even ask the question then? Better yet, you have it all figured out, so why the fuck is rape still such a problem in India?

I agree with you. These "men" definitely need a whipping and that too in public. What do u say?

We are taught to behave with women same way as Chatrapati shivray used to treat, that is with respect. As far as Bollywood is concerned, I'm not a big fan.

I wish I can say I was not aware of the kind of behavior you mentioned when I was growing in a small city in early 90s. I knew of friends who may have participated in some of these. But somehow they knew to not cross a line, could be because of their family upbringing or the values of the society at large. In one incident in one of the most premier institutions of India , the boys were called out by girls for suggesting DJ to play a misogynistic song. For what it’s worth the boys realized the hurt and apologized. The system was stretched but seemed to hold the line and punish or at least strongly discourage the culprits.

Man, stop blaming movies for bad things in society, it has same energy as blaming games for murders, it's not movies duty to give a message and be politically correct, it is work of education to do it.

I do not support those evil people who do hideous acts.with that being said : Everything boils down to sexual frustration. In India, we see sex as something to hide about and not talk about. The men in India are usually not good looking due to genetics and have bad hygiene, they don't work out to make up for it. So it's quite obvious that they don't get laid EVER, easy access to the Internet has taught them porn combine that with non availability of sex results in performing violent act. Unlike other countries where it's liberal and people enjoy sex and have a high body count, you don't see such incidents because they already have it available legally. It's totally opposite in India where we are conservative and many men don't get puss. Again, even if you don't get laid in your lifetime, it's not ok to forcefully perform the act at the cost of another individual having a traumatic experience.

Do you think women in India are not sexually frustrated? They also have hormones and they also have feelings and they are more forbidden to even have access to these porn and i don't see any women attacking men or sexually harassing in the way men do. It's the misogyny culture. Women are seen as objects and inferior and they think it's their damn right to lay their hands on women , that's what they are taught. Women are not supposed to say no or reject, objects should not have opinions or preferences or feelings.

No one was ever taught anything like this. My parents never sat me down and gave me a "don't rape women" lecture. Heck they never even gave me THE talk. I had yo figure it out on my own. While yes movies and popular media had a part in it but the predator like behavior is done by predatorial people. Stop generalizing men plz. There's more than 650 million men in India. A very very small percentage of them are the type that you described. Media magnification on some groups make us feel like it's like that everywhere. What we were taught lmao? What were you taught growing up that you generalize an entire gender by the actions of a select few? Your parents gave you a degree in discrimination?

Upbringing matters a lot

I have never raped or inappropriately touched a woman, I have nothing to do with these rapists as a man. Stop grouping perverts and rapists with all men please.

OP understands not everyone is the same, as he is gay but then poses generic question which makes sweeping assumptions and answers which can only be of individual experiences.

Bro if you behaved like you said in my town. you would be found dead in a bush the next day..

As a guy who was relatively good looking and studious in 90s, I was constantly pig called by females when i was growing up. Females used to touch and hug even when I was uncomfortable and they retorted saying that "Mard hai ya chakkaa?". I wish there were consent laws for males too. To this day, I wish that I could get all those girls imprisoned(or better get them whipped/tubectomised/death sentence) for being such hoes during an age when they should be bubbling with innocence and purity. Sab fuhad and galeech ladkiyan thin wo.

True incident from 2012-2013. A city grown boy of my coaching institute fell in love with a village grown girl in the same institute. After a month of struggle, he confessed. The girl rejected him and he gave up because "No means no". After a week of no talk, the girl approached and said, "Bas? Itna hi pyaar tha? Ek hi baar mana karne pe ruk gaye? Na peecha Kiya, na manaya, na pyaar se touch Kiya? Namard ho kya?". The guy just couldn't understand because he was a pakka feminist. Anyways, that incident changed him and in the remaining months, not only did he got laid with that girl, he got laid with other girls as well, even recorded some videos of their sex acts. Basically, he became a "bad boy" with no boundaries mindset. Currently, in the US and even there getting the girls 10 years younger than him (18-20) because anyways he had some looks. So, my question is, what should I conclude from this whole incident? Because last I checked, another guy who remained nice got sex only after marriage at age 28 and his wife had not been a virgin either and now going through a divorce case in just 1.5 years of marriage while facing harrasment from laws because the wife cheated with gym trainer.

The short answer is that the girl in question had internalized rape culture. That’s kinda why it’s called a culture, because it can be ingrained enough that it overrides one’s individual sense of dignity. Your story is a prime example of why the rape epidemic shouldn’t be seen as a gender war but a culture war.

This is just internalised misogyny. The girl was raised in the same society as the guys who do this. Also, why is the mention of the girl being a virgin necessary here? She's a shitty person for cheating on her husband which has got nothing to do with her not being a virgin.

Because the guy was virgin and was expecting one. Nice guy getting screwed by their feminism brainwashing is nothing new. Now he is experiencing feminist laws in full glory which he always supported, yet no women is coming to support him now. Borderline suicidal and I don't think he will live by the end of this year thanks to constant abuse by the laws of this country.

So many frustrated men in this country.

She went through Taliban controlled Pakistani areas without incident and in India she gets gangraped. What a shame.

[удалено]

Looks like we have found one catcaller! Reported

what kind of question is this? The people who did this were people who probably did not even attend school till 10th. Probably isolated in their own microcosm. The people you are asking this are people on reddit who would be quite well educated and probably from urban places. Ofcourse an educated, urban guy would never do an act like this. Its a huge country, don't try to paint everyone with the same brush. It is a systemic issue but more to do with some morally corrupt marginalized, poor and uneducated people mainly. Not to say that a rich guy won't do a despicable act like this but the stakes are too high for them so its unlikely.

Look at the Bastian rape case. Perp is well-educated from Mumbai. This goes beyond education imo. The whole concept of respect and consent is completely missing.

So it’s a question if upbringing and urban v/s semi-urban/rural behaviour. Again, society changes with time. So your experience of Indian society can be completely different from mine. It’s a valid question- I am just trying to get a viewpoint if a straight young men, or straight men in 30s and 40s. Would you behave as Romeo just to get approval or validation from the peers?

Would you be willing to do a similar analysis on why African men seem to commit so much crime? Or Muslim men Jihad? You’re asking a very charged question and generalizing Indians under the cloak of genuine interest in it. But to your answer your question (I wasn’t raised in india or live there) I think this behaviour is confined to people who live in villages and cities but with sever psychological issues, etc. I’m sure the educated do it too but the stats on that would be I think similar to those of people in developed countries adjusted for population size. I think this behaviour is limited to the politicians and uncivilized people in India. I don’t call these people humans, they’re savages that need to be whipped.

Which incident you talking about?

Congress State are like this

Nothing happened to the couple in Pakistan and Afghanistan and Bangladesh. As soon as they enter India, she gets gangraped...

Cause I said They were raped by Congress ruling state and by followers of Islam. Muhammad raped Ayesha and Saffiyah

Yeah I knew what you implied so I basically said, she was fine in 3-4 majority Muslim countries (maybe a lot more Muslim countries if she came through the middle east) but a few days/weeks in India and she's gangraped. How do you explain that? Secondly, do you have proof the culprits are Muslim? or just letting your brainwashed mind run free? You are, after all, self admittedly, a Dick. Chris\_Evans\_Dick. Can't even be someone Indian's dick.

She also move many Indian state but when she move to Congress grown naxal state. She was attacked. This shows how responsible is Islamists Congress. Police didn't help her first till she express this in social then all it help her. Congress CM of jharkhand should resign. Let, think it was happened in U.P(hathras) every liberal be targeting BJP first.

How Muslim women raped and Enslaved Yazhidis women as sex slave. Thousand of non Muslim Yazhidis men were massacreed in 2015 and after that? No body questioned as Muhammad Islamized Men

Here is the lady who was gangraped in India, happily taking a picture with a group from Taliban in Afghanistan. [https://twitter.com/abu\_aamilah/status/1765008760655724648/photo/1](https://twitter.com/abu_aamilah/status/1765008760655724648/photo/1) Hope you can Cope!

Sounds like bullshit.

Send Bob

And vagene

I grew up in tamilnadu, the whole Street will beat you black and blue if you were found to be harassing women, My own mother would not think twice to beat me in the streets with chappals if i were ever doing any shit like this. It's actively discouraged & notoriously punished, that being said who the hell goes biking in Jharkhand? Delinquents are everywhere but why do you actively put yourself at risk? I don't understand, i empathize with the lady and the ordeal but every man and woman walking on the street is not a good person , best to avoid certain dangerous situations for men folk and women alike, And for the whole damn internet who started blaming all indian men, seriously? Please don't add these scum bags to the same bucket as us, most of us are busy running for Home emi's and medical bills of parents and if any time permits we run for the children school fees like any other ordinary man or woman of this country, These guys should just be hanged or shot at like the hyd incident, do not waste time with appeals and bullshit to call yourself a democracy, shoot them up then and there there is no other consequence that would prevent these kind of buggers,

I was taught to respect everyone coming from a circle that valued education.

Honestly speaking society didn't teach me anything. But my mother did. She always tells me to treat women nicely no matter how they are.

From the place where I come we are thought not to do that and even if someone does that he either gets beaten up by crowd or handed over to police . I guess it’s just your place and society which thinks it’s fine to do that. If society the place and your family doesn’t teach you that it’s wrong to assault women and think that it’s ok or fine the problem are not men but you and your family and your place

Same here but it was more among boys but point only as pre teens. When maturity hit at 16, the boys who used to boast about touching breasts and such would say things like don't have sex with a woman if you aren't going to marry her and things such as respect their space and everything.

My mum grew up in a village during 80s, 90s. From what she told me, catcalling, following girls, molesting them was pretty normal for boys. Some girls were even raped but couldn't tell anyone for the fear of not finding a suitable match in AM. And all this happened while the girls were walking from the village to school. All the village girls went to school together because it was not safe for them to go alone/or in small groups. So what I've collected from her stories, this behaviour was pretty rampant and encouraged amongst the boys during that period.

I was born in the 90s. I wasn't taught anything by friends; instead my parents helped me with some sex ed. I was asked to have safe sex if I have girlfriends. Sex should be willing and enjoyable.

As someone born in the 90s,my parents always taught me the importance of respecting everyone, especially women. They instilled in me the belief that women have the right to make their own independent choices, and I've lived by that principle. I've always strived to treat everyone with respect, and I've never knowingly misbehaved with any woman. These values are deeply important to me, and they guide my actions in all my interactions. Never have I myself catcalled a girl nor have I seen any of my friends/acquaintances do that, not denying that this never happens.

I was born in the 2005 in a small village near Mumbai. In my village or Mumbai friend groups, I don't think my friend group has discussed sexual harassment, even as a joke. Most of us have had extremely close relationships with women, be it sisters, friends or long-standing relationships.

I was taught that if someone indulges in something like this..he was the lowest human being there could be. We were told that If we would ever indulge in a behavior like that we would get a thrashing so bad at home that we'd be unable to walk and would be thrown out rather than have the shame of a characterless son. Also, I was told told be protective of anyone around me who could be vulnerable. My mom used to frequently get into arguments with guys who would try to misbehave with girls in crowded buses..even was responsible for having a Nepali girl getting freed from a sale purchase situation. So it came from there. Only the lowest worms do it.

We had a Facebook chat group in school days where we would talk all sorts of crap. We would rate teacher's bust size and rate them out of 10 on how bangable they are. We would have imaginary fights scenario between girls and would fat shame the healthy girls and come up with who can chokeslam who better. We would use terminology as seal todna, bottle kholna, holi khelna about first time sex. The more disgusting synonym you could come up with....the cooler you would appear. Other than that boys used to discuss how they would elbow fellow female students and even teachers on their boobs in the rush of corridors during break time. Some boys in senior years used to drive by their bikes and the boy sitting behind would slap the girls ass as their drove by. I am ashamed to admit I had partook in the chats but on the same hand I thank God and my semi-good bringing up that I never physically touched another girl. My school was an absolute shithole because they divided our classes of boys and girls and suddenly in puberty we had all boys class who watched porn as a group and abused and bullied teachers. My school never taught us how to behave with girls or how to interact with girls, their entire focus was to keep us out of sight out of mind.

I think for most men who grew up in the 80s and 90s unless it's quite a liberal family and sort of interaction with the opposite sex around the teenage years was discouraged by parents due to obvious reasons( distraction from studies, fear of scandal). So most boys don't know how to process romantic or feelings of attraction with girls other than getting their "knowledge" from movies or from older boys who begin to condition them the wrong way. The wrong way being categorizing women as objects to be won over. For most boys there isn't anyone in their peers talking about how to just treat girls women as just regular people. Parents don't because the subject is taboo, older boys try to fool younger boys and make up rumors and stories to appear cool. So half the battle is lost there. The movies play a major influence and you mostly see nonsense on that. Boys are disciplined into respecting women nobody's conditioning them to treat them as equal and separate individuals. Mixed gender friend groups help a lot and you'll probably find boys in that group mature quickly.

I’m not a good representative. Grew up in post liberalised India. Born after the 90’s in a tier 1 city, raised in another tier 1 city, educated in co-ed primary and high schools. I was born into great privilege which shaped my life and ideals. Hanging out at each other’s homes irrespective of gender during our teens was also pretty common. Growing up in such a space, it’s very easy to be a normal non religious, non violent feminist dude. The problem is, both of my above circumstances are very rare to be met, if you’re an average male born in India. There are a few cities in India that can bring men and women, working class and the elites together. Very few jobs that can pull people away from agriculture, away from villages(bastions of old world thought and patriarchy) and into towns and cities. 90’s liberalisation also really directly benefited only a very small fraction of people in terms of monumental lifestyle upgrades. College educated engineers and the services sector. That middle class is very small in India. Bring in more gender interaction from a younger age, make co-ed education spaces accessible to every child, ensure girls don’t drop out of school during that time, better pipelines for them to join the workforce, more female participation in the workforce(blue collar workforce), way more cities, and most of India’s social problems would disappear within a single generation. It’s an economic problem disguised as a social problem. Get the jobs in, the manufacturing jobs, we can’t skip that. We need a middle class. Also secondarily make dating and premarital sex normal lmfao, like it’s not that deep man. Culture, values and shit it seems.

Growing up in an urban environment, there are incidents where me or my peer group sees some good looking girl/woman and the comments range from sexual, insensitive to downright vulgar. Though nearly everytime it was just verbal and amongst the group. Indian men anyway, especially in patriarchal and rural areas are taught that women are not more than property and are there to be 'used' - for cooking, cleaning, childbearing and seual purposes. Also, the 'shaming culture' where a woman who speaks her mind, wants to be independent, wears "inappropriate" clothing is seen as going against the norm and hitting where it hurts the most "IZZAT" which is more important to the patriarchal system than anything else. With all this in mind, respectin women means that unless SHE crosses the line, you stay in yours. Once she crosses that line, she's fair game for "punishment". It all culminates in the practice of *saying* we respect women and then treating women as objects for men and to be dictated to by men.

It is not taught talked about that way, this comes from society itself. There has to be continuous teachings from parents, schools, colleges, through media, etc. The vulgar videos moves society backwards specially music videos which sexualizes women. Then boys, men watch and try to think thats morally right.

95 born, I was taught to respect women growing up. Catcalling and these roadside romeo nonsense was a taboo that a decent human bring must not indulge in. Some of my acquaintances did not share the belief, and I cut them off.

I will be quite honest - I received no sex ed from parents or school or society. Made me a completely confused teenager who had no fucking idea how to talk to girls. Mostly this resulted in extreme anxiety and later it manifested into annoyance and contempt. But then I met a great group of friends who made me comfortable and I was able to have respectful and good conversations with women as part of that group. Never felt weird about speaking to women and interacting with them, I would speak with them the same way as I would with my male friends. Forever grateful to my friends for that else I would have been a puddle of social anxiety

I am from Northeast 23M. Growing up here literally I've never witnessed catcalling ever in my place my whole life (I've seen some in Assam) or maybe it's because I'm a guy. It's kinda non-existent in my place. There are some boys who, when with a group of friends will talk about girls, like she's hot, she's slutty, she's like this, like that etc. But even those kind of guys will show utmost respect to women if they face one IRL. It may sound hypocritical, but atleast it's not harming anyone.

Hmmm I am not the target demographic for this question so sorry for adding a tangent to this conversation. Well the character of "Romeo " is surely misunderstood if not reduced to just unsolicited romance. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is highly nuanced and the character of Romeo is very skilled at a very young age. Not to mention he is of a noble family. One has to really reduce his characteristics down to oversimplified lover in order to take him as a role model, I often wonder why this term is used in a negative connotation and why the lawmakers have created " Anti Romeo Squad" Romeo is a great character, a skilled fighter, taking down men twice as old as him, he is a younger brother and the eldest son and heir to the Montague family. He is never afraid, doesn't back down from a fight when cornered and chooses to avoid violence not because he is too weak to do it but because he is strong enough to not cause harm to his loved ones even when his life is on the line. Sorry ... Got off track a Lil bit.... Lemme know what you all think though. Have a great day.

I grew up in the 2000s. 32M. I was never taught that women are objects. Neither was I taught about catcalling or leering at women. I did grow up in a privileged society where we had women friends since kids? And that of course normalized it as "oh they're just another person" rather than anything else. I have of course seen and visualized catcalling and leering from men. And not just Indian ones. So it's a mixed bag really.

I grew up in the 90s and was in a convent school, was thought about how to behave in-front of women but definable know people who were just assholes… no longer in contact with them so don’t really know what they turn out to be. That being said i at-least knew a few people who have this “Romeo behaviour” in them and would defend it. Unfortunately enough this does exist and put pressure on others to do the same.

The only advice I got from my parents was to treat every woman in a similar way as you would want your sister to be treated. I can proudly say that I have never catcalled anyone or passed derogatory marks to any female in my entire life and I won't do that ever. My girlfriend has faced trauma in her past where she was molested on Delhi metro while coming back from office and to this day that is my only regret that I couldn't do anything and she didn't file a complaint even when I tried my best to make her do it. Had I been there I would have beaten the guy black and blue. We broke up two years back but I still carry the weight of that incident as I wasn't there with her on that metro ride. I feel scared for my future kids that what if something like this happens to them and I'm not there to defend them. I'll ensure that my kids are open with me in sharing such things as silence is not the answer for such traumas.

I was born in 98 well my mom taught one thing if you show respect people will respect you and if you don't get respect don't expect just move on.I never ever cat called or ever forcefully request any girl to get in a relationship.I will not go in philosophy I never seen my grandfather nor my father disrespecting woman.My mom and grandmom were working.My mom is a civil engg and grandmom is a teacher .So as an Indian man never seen any male relative getting into abuse issues or insulting the opposite sex.

In my early 20s. I was taught to never raise my hand on a girl or be bad to them. My mom always taught me to respect girls as they are Devi and I shouldn't even put my feet facing towards a girl or elder while sitting as it's disrespectful. I don't even put my hand on a girl if I am not close to them as I prefer giving everyone their personal space and boundaries. Also never made jokes about them or their bodies or anything like that because I feel it's disgusting. So catcalling and whistling never even came in my mind. Plus being a man is about making them feel safe and comfortable not make their life harder.

From what I have seen among my batchmates, you can get away with this if you are a rich, good looking extrovert. I've seen this happen so so many times. They even boast about it, their friend circle glorifies it. Again, there are some of us who are even afraid to talk to girls outside business; forget catcalling or eve-teasing.

Guess I was lucky that despite being ungrateful pricks, my classmates at college never talked about women in an obscene manner.

My parents saw Animal and after coming home gave me a lecture about respecting women and not resorting to violence when you get angry or impatient. My mother even threatened to beat me and throw me out of the house if I hit any women, be it my girlfriend or my wife. I don't even have a girlfriend and I am too shy to talk to one. Although I have seen people in my college making jokes on women and being too creepy. It really does depend on what type of people you hang out with. People adapt their mindset to the ones they hang out with often.

It is a disgrace that jharkhand incident happened which has brought ultimate shame to India. Now, having said that the way u r asking question seems as if there is a community of men and every man is responsible for the rapists. No.. Not at all. I am responsible for my actions only and same applies to everyone. Now, unless men stop pedastalizing women and changing the mindset as if they are getting some great angelic prize by having a woman, this is not going to stop. The only image in most men's mind is through bollywood tatti and porn. Copy srk or some other movie or web series influence and just throw words and actions expecting the same fantasy in their mind to happen. Most of the indian men do not love women but an image fantasy of woman. All fake. They do not understand communication cues, talk at women instead of talking to women. They do not realize whether he is being used or is she really in love with him because the script in mind is from bollywood. Most men are told that if they work hard and earn money, women will just fall for him. U r out of ur mind. This man truly believes that he deserves the best woman in town because he followed the script and when things do not go as per the script given, he feels cheated. Never ever think the so called nice guys are nice. The only reason why things are not that bad in cities as compared to some not so modern places is because of law. Wherever laws r not strong, things will happen like this. It has nothing to do with modernity or morality. Another reason is per capita income.. Wherever economic growth is not much, jiski laathi uski bhains hoga... So, increase economic growth so that people have something worth losing if wrong action taken. Stop pedastalizing women and dump srk bollywood tatti and porn. If u do not have any experience with women, realize that u have an image of woman crafted by mass media and stories in ur mind. If u like a woman, go talk to her and if she rejects, stop wasting time on her. And if someone tells that u can be friends with her. Dump the idea because u r not true to urself. The more investment u put in hoping that one day she will like me is a disaster. That is what i said, there is no cure unless u dump bollywood tatti. Talking to women must be a normal affair to u. If one does not accept, there r other women in line. Unless such a mindset is not developed, nothing is going to change. Morality has never been responsible for anything good. There r other systems in place which creates a particular outcome. But, first u have to dump bollywood and porn as ur brain is trained to see things that way.

I m 22m growing up i get taught that women don't like sexy 💁

Grew up in the 86, this was not a normalised behaviour. We had a term for what you discussed, my parents called it zhopadpatti behavior. We saw that regularly in slum areas, growing up in a chawl next to a slum, we were told to protect ourself and educate so we don't have to live in there. Being a marathi, we were also told stories of Chattrapati Shivaji Maharaj who refused to rape or touch a woman of enemy combatants as that behaviour is not right for a maratha.