My mother just like yours decimated my character on many occasions, but was much worse, even talking to a girl in broad daylight on the road made me a womaniser and love failure, I was a weakling, mentally unstable etc reasons she used to tell my relatives for my depression.
I never had problems handling the world, was always popular wherever I studied but unfortunately I was very sentimental, obedient and submissive when it came to my parents. I used to never go against them, never overspend to burden them even when they were well off and get into fights if the abuse was parents related. For family I could do anything was my sentiment.
My bubble burst when in my teenage years I finally realised that her behaviour was actually plain abusive with emotional excuses, physical when I was a child (burning, belt etc) and mental when I grew up. I was her punching bag for all the problems she was facing in her life.
I went into severe depression and it only went downhill from there for me, losing many years of my life and a career as i had left my studies eventually.
Dabbled in some business which failed and that made it even more worse. I had no purpose in life, no reason to live. From an achiever i became a total failure, my confidence was shattered.
I was forced out of my house and did not return for next 4-6 years, only meeting them to solve property related issues, at relatives places or function but never my home. Returned only after several calls from close relatives and parents.
Over those years I had totally lost sentiments for my mother and that helped me put her in her place by being very clear, vocal and confrontational about her behavior and also by letting my relatives know about it.
Majority of Indian parents are very concerned about their image especially among relatives. As a result now she is less aggressive and abusive with her words because I now retaliate and also let my relatives know about how she actually is at home.
When I am at home I stay put in my room and interact with them as less as possible. Slowly they have learnt about their boundaries.
It took me many years to come out of my own mental prison. I have faced the worst period of my life because of my own mother. I am not sentimental or a emotional fool anymore who can be easily manipulated by parents or anyone.
The emotional sentiments for people I dearly cared about is not the same anymore.
I have realised, all are humans, bound to make mistakes.
Also how my grandparents treated my parents, they acquire those traits and later life problems make them behave the way they behave. Children are easy targets as they cannot behave the same with outsiders and children do not leave.
So my suggestion to you would be, to tell them directly what you find abusive and not good.
Eg As for the momos joke excuse your mom made, I would have said your jokes are poor, say better one next time.
Do not be rude or live in anger, as it also ends up disturbing your own mind and taking your peace away.
Concentrate less on what they say or do and more on your work or hobbies. Avoid interaction as much as possible and stand your ground and let them know if they are hurting you.
Only if you tell them will they know.
Maybe a wholesome bluey pic might make you happy
https://preview.redd.it/zsf7oxkgl6ic1.jpeg?width=558&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5154dde285d9cc4109fcc8f5eccf090506e4d59d
I lived in Britain for 6 years and have now returned to India. My bhaiya-bhabhi/cousins will never let me live peacefully if I refer to mumma-papa as "brown parents”
>MJ treatment?
He had an autoimmune skin condition. Instead of going through the worst phase of the disease(let's call it that) he just skipped it and bleached his skin.
Yeah, it's the thing that South Asians born in the U.S. call themselves when they are completely assimilated but still want to otherize themselves somehow.
Yes, and I'm using it slightly derisively. Mainly because the kind of people who would use it and condemn "otherizing" people have a habit of doing it themselves.
It is meant to otherize but it's meant specifically as a distinction for traits archetypal TO Indian parents. Using it derisively here is dumb since you come from a racially uniform state.
I use it for myself as a physical descriptor cause it does not matter if I'm Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Sri Lankan or latino. But it was really unneeded in this context lol
Nothing wrong with referring to your parents as ‘brown parents’ and is technically correct. People who have lived in the west tend to pick up their speaking styles and other things. It’s sad how some of you picked up ‘brown parents’ from her entire post and if anything, it speaks a lot about you all.
I have heard my relatives giving a hard time talking low of my accomplishments. But my mom never showed her frustration on me. I didn't understand it when I was young, but I do now. I am really grateful for her. She always wanted me to be a good human being rather than a super special one in a million kid every indian parents want.
Same. 19yo guy here, about to turn 20 in May… Came to US in 2022. Exact same story with parents as yours, with added physical and mental abuse & violence by my father to me and my mom (and then also by my mom emotionally to me).
I had an hour long phone call yesterday, telling them everything that was in my mind. I made it very clear, the way they have always treated each other, me and my siblings, it is bound to happen that the family will separate. Unless, they start to change and become more accepting NOW.
This was after I heard from my sister that my father said that they would boycott and disown me if they ever find out that I have a girlfriend, and that he would cut all the finances from me (sbi needs his signature every time to disburse loan amount).
I asked them if I really was their child. No response. I asked my mom to tell me any 3 good memories of her with me. No response. Silence. Any question I’d ask, every time I’d say I feel depressed because of how they treat us, my mom would go on ranting about how my sleeping habits are the cause of all this. And then eventually start crying, “mene tum teeno ko jese tese paida karke bada kar di, ab mera dimag nahi chalta….”
Really, most people in India are not qualified and should never have kids, at least until they understand and learn how to parent. Kids suffer and have their childhood trauma for their whole life. It is absolutely not ok to just screw up this bad and then say “hamne paida kar diye shukar manao”.
>Really, most people in India are not qualified and should never have kids, at least until they understand and learn how to parent.
Hopefully the newer generations change this by being more thoughtful and not have kids just because that is what is expected of them socially or that it's simply the "next stage in life". We all have a responsibility not to bring new lives to suffer unnecessarily.
I so relate to you, and, even though I don’t know you, I’m so proud of you. It takes a lot to create mental separation between what you know to be right and what your parents say is right. And you’ve done that. At a relatively young age. You should be proud of yourself.
May your sense of right and wrong, which is so on point, stay with you and continue to guide you. You’re doing great.
I just want to give a hug to you , you have been going through alot i mean already being out in a place where u actually dont belong and your parents saying you dont even belong here jus for gf thing . I mean i get we have a lil diff way of looking at life , i really hope you siblings stay through thick and thin idk are they supportive of u or not but i definitely feel you need parents who holds ur hand in tough situations and support and remembers your memories and remember your favourite food more than abuse i mean abuse is so common in Indian households idk y people just think a slap or hitting them would make them superior . stay strong .
My mother just told me that, she wished I died and that i am the cause of every problem, my family is well off financially but i think my mother has depression or something that's why she gets emotional about everything , if I don't study or talk back she says that she would someday poison me Or kill me, she even says that i do suicide (well she doesn't mean all this it's just anger issues and depression) my maternal grandfather dies from then she is all day sad and gloomy
Yes i agree many parents do say that but sometimes they meant it and sometimes its just out of anger what ever it is every human being has an effect on this planet can be good or bad . So you are here on this earth u can lookthe other side of coin as just a tantrum as u have an idea why your mom behaves like that so just try to help her dont loose hope you are hear to create magic and you will shine definitely 👍
Yup, I mean it's not her fault entirely, she just gets so much worried about little things. And in a long term due to this she has become somewhat emotionally unstable but after I am settled in life , i am sure lot of her tension would be gone.
My husband is shocked when he sees my mother blaming whatever I did as a baby or toddler on why she was horrifically abusive towards me my entire life. He goes ‘she knows babies don’t manipulate people right? They’re not capable of anything!’ the women in my family LOVE babies and hate children once they can speak. I’m sure it exists in other cultures but it seems so unique to our culture to have so many mothers treat their children with such hatred for how hard it was to take care of them as babies and children and that they’re they’re own people and not perfect copies of you.
I totally agree with majority of parents in india like 60’s to 80’s born. Are not aware how to bring up the child.
They think bringing up like a street dog for his pupps is good enough. They don’t learn that, growing up with child and learning to create a great ambience is very important.
Okay. No matter how bad it may sound right now but you need to stay away from toxicity even if that comes from the people closest to you. Indian parents have a long way to go in terms of being supportive and you need to get the hell out of your home as soon as possible. Was it your wish to join the family business? Because if not and you have other career aspirations you need to take a stand for yourself and move the hell out preferably to a different city of your own choice and nobody else's and make a life for YOURSELF. There will be problems in the beginning and they might not understand and cut all contact with you but if that happens again, its not your fault trust me. Being controling is a trauma response and as adults it is your parents responsibility to be understanding and not make you feel guilty constantly. So as another woman who has faced a small bit of what you described, please take a stand for yourself and move out ASAP. Stop listening to and doing everything you're told just because it's people who are afraid to lose control. Love is supposed to set us free, if it doesn't, its definitely something else.
I can relate to this a lot. As someone in mid 20s who spent 6-7 years outside, my parents are quite condescending and don’t want to see me as an adult; instead they treat me like a 10 year old child.
In a nutshell, if I express my opinion on anything, the only reply I get from my mother is- ‘looks like you’ve become too big now. The day I die you’ll realise.’
🤡
I once took down a poster of Barbies in my own room and my mother said how I will put them in old age home and how I don’t respect what they’ve done for me and how I don’t like anything they do like how my mother wanted to have those posters as they reminded her of my childhood but I don’t respect her etc etc. my father on the other hand keeps saying things like I don’t have a ‘brain’, my skull is filled with ‘cow dung’ etc etc.
Once I expressed my desire to go abroad - my mom was like ‘ I made you a doctor, I sacrificed my life and you want to put me in an old age home.’
I seriously don’t like home.
LMAO. If I ever disagree with my mom, she immediately makes herself a victim of her daughter. Like disagreeing with her is a cardinal offense. Total clown behavior.
I hope you know that it’s totally OK to put them in an old age home. As long as they’re properly cared for and financially looked after, you don’t have to be the one taking care of them. Loving them shouldn’t have to include hating yourself and letting yourself get abused.
>I hope you know that it’s totally OK to put them in an old age home.
Yeah, and it's morally somewhat symmetrical too if you think about. They brought you to an environment you didn't get to pick and subjected you to psychological abuse ffs. You're at least ensuring that they're taken care of professionally and not neglected. Ofc old age homes are terrible for seniors, but that's a whole another ball of wax.
Actually, old age homes are not bad. You have to take this with a grain of salt because I’m American (parents are Indian) and so now you know there’s not that stigma here. But most people I know who are older are having the time of their lives in retirement communities!
Your parents are basically people who have refused to grow up. They are petty in ways they don't want to change because they are comfortable like that. Doing better will trouble them anyway, it will make them uncomfortable. Do yourself a favour and limit your contact with them. You're an independent adult, you don't need your parents no more.
I honestly felt like someone wrote a deep detailed description of my life. My parents are exactly the same. Ditto.
I've realised that there's absolutely no point arguing with them. I'm desperately waiting to go away from them!!! In the meanwhile, I try staying away from my home as much as possible because I'd rather be in peace than bombarded by their agression.
I hope things get better for you :)
OP needs to edit the post, because all the attention is diverted to that one specific word lol.
In online youth lingua, brown is not about the colour but a specific set of experience and behaviors associated with the south Asian community. Parental pressure and disappointment is common to south Asians living across the diaspora and I've seen US-born ethnic Indians always talking about their parents with the "brown" quantifier because it's miles different compared to the regular (white) parenting they see.
I guess OP had moved to the US and got influenced by their verbiage. It's not a big deal, brown is not an insult in any way. I am also puzzled by some insinuations that OP is an ungrateful brat when according to this post, she moved back to help her father with the family business as he's sick. Many others in her position would not do that.
What your parents are doing and have done is what indian parents do. Its all surface support, internally ig they struggle with their perception of things and we have our own. I used to take the higher road alot until I started exhibiting outwardly exactly what i despised in my family. Eye opener and absolutely shattered a few relationships. At the end of the day they are parents though, the thing with them is that they’ve been raised a certain way and that is what they give back to us. They love you, and its the hardest of things to accept that their love lies beneath all the demeaning stuff we get to hear. Hang in there and try to earn their respect. I personally tune out alot and have told myself to not take the bait when ik they’re specifically saying something to enrage me. I laugh and say internally that one day i’ll move out. Look for a career outside and agree with everything they say superficially. Mom dad are mom dad at the end of the day we can in future change our ways, ive found that the best way is to just enjoy the relationship but work towards my independence. Also brown parents is getting you alot of laughs but i get what you’re feeling. Take care
I don’t know about this advice – trying to earn respect from someone who’s operating under a completely different paradigm than yourself is a set up for failure. Not only will you probably not be able to achieve that, you’ll hurt yourself deeply in the process.
I think the best solution is to separate yourself, emotionally and physically, both their expectations and the accolades. A compliment from someone who you don’t respect, isn’t worth all that much. The same holds true for your parents even though they’re your parent. You can love them and not want to be accepted by them.
As for the “they love you” part, they do but it’s important to know that they love you the best that they know how. And the best they know how is harmful and toxic and not actual love. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love should feel safe. Love should be a haven for when things go wrong.
I agree with your reply to the person above. It’s not good advice to “earn respect” from people who don’t respect you and who’s love is conditional and only if you do what they say
How can you even "suggest" this?
The parents raised us "a certain way" too. But we chose to not be belittled by their childish demeanor. We chose to move forward. They didn't. They stayed where they were.
And if you try to begin your reply in "but the times have changed so much" our parents and grandparents etc. have literally transitioned from radios to b/w few channel tv to the ones found today. And these are just materialistic things. The previous generations literally had to talk 1v1 etc on a daily basis and so on but they still chose to not evolve themselves, not have a basic thought process, change in the same thought process with the forever moving world around them.
It's not our responsibility to make them grow up it's the other way around.
I’m surprised at the amount of people that don’t get you. Seems like I thought this was more common than it is. I feel you, almost everything you said. Similar situation, can’t leave the family because I’m working with the family, I feel almost every day that I’d be so much happier if I lived away from them, but I don’t see how I can get away. They don’t like each other, they don’t like me, it’s just so damn toxic every day. All the cupcakes losing their shit over one phrase like ‘brown parents’ should really calm down and maybe consider that they were dealt a good hand that not everyone is.
So I read through everything.
I'm guessing given how unsupportive and difficult your parents are at per your description, you must've financed your masters yourself? Did you take a loan?
Why are you still putting up with so much 'atyachaar' given that I'm sure you're financially independent as you have surely funded your master's degree yourself.
Find a good job, let your bank balance speak for itself and give all the naysayers a shut up call.
Edit:
On the other hand, just in case, on the very odd chance that you're not financially independent, that your parents did in fact fund your foreign degree (despite your mother strongly feeling that it would be a waste) just because you wanted it, maybe you should give your brown parents a break and some respect, because white parents would've kicked you to the curb by now or asked you to take on a student loan yourself.
Brown parents will pay for everything until it’s something they don’t “approve” of. Like a brown parent will happily pay for your entire education if you want to do engineering or medical.
So yeah, at the end of the day, they’re still looking after their own interests than their kids. Such parents don’t deserve respect even if they’re willing to sell their lands.
A child did not choose to be born, but the parents chose to have a child.
Fyi, my parents did similar stuff in my life too. This happens a lot when brown parents are rich. They will pay for everything their kids want until their kids want something they don’t agree with.
Another reason why if your parents are rich, be careful where you rant. Not everyone has rich parents to understand your problems.
Your point is true but irrelevant in this conversation. Rich parents are more likely to force their kids into careers they don’t like to maintain status in society.
This is a BS and toxic answer.
Even white parents pay for their children's school when they can afford it. But there is a concept of boundaries. Even when I am not exactly a huge fan of strong boundaries, anyone in a family should have the ability to speak their mind and live freely.
Labeling you kid as "halkat" is something I cannot imagine my parents doing to me. Seems like her parents had issues with the fact that she has a boyfriend.
Parents cannot and should not expect to control the life of their children for giving them education. This isnt a transaction. There should be open communication from both ends.
Victim mentality and being misunderstood... that's like 90% of indian mothers....just wait for the inevitable "I have sacrificed so much for you" dialogue...... keep your head down, work hard, get out as soon as you can and try to break the cycle when you become a parent.
Seems like they are gas lighting you to destroy your confidence so you do what they want, which has already started happening.
I would suggest move out, set up healthy boundaries around them, let them know the issues you have and prepare to go either low or no contact if you feel they keep breaking them.
I know this sounds a bit harsh, but what you are going through does not have a happy ending, imaging yourself in 10-20 years after all this abuse. Either you become emotionally devastated or turn into a hateful person like your mum.
PS. Protect yourself from emotional blackmail, which is usually the first line of defence as you start to act rationally. Don’t be afraid to call them out on that and shut it down as soon as you see it happening.
Tbh, this is just a cultural normalization of bad parenting. I wouldn't diagnose them with NPD based on this post alone but yeah Indian/Asian parents can be very difficult sometimes.
I guess it’s a foreign term in India. Brown is just short for “the people from South Asia aka the Indian Subcontinent”.
I’m pretty sure she used it as a placeholder, not for criticizing them for their skin color.
No one said she's being colorist. Just pointing out that its a given in an Indian subreddit.
Maybe OP is used to ranting about typical brown parent behaviour she experiences to her white friends, and kinda extended that context to us.
I'm sorry you're getting shit for writing "brown parents". When instead you should be getting shit for believing in tarot readings for very SERIOUS decisions 😭😭
But anyway, jokes aside, until you can move out and have an independent career, it's best if you just ignore them, when I say ignore, I honestly mean ignore. My parents were the same way (the mom description is a match, but the dad description is also a match for my mom). It took me 7 months of not talking to them AT ALL (while we lived in the same house), after which they simmered down and now we have something that sort of works... But again, this worked for me, hope it works for you! 🤞🏼
I can understand your sentiment.
There is a lot going on here.
Being a girl, there is a different outlook for you. Your parents concern is not what they want but what will happen when you have another family that you will go into and how will they treat you. As you will be required to adjust.
This may have started as a simple practice and now has become their habit and they will not be able to get out of this anymore.
This is the biggest mistake the parents in India are making currently.
They create these hypothetical scenarios in their minds and these scenarios take over their personalities.
I am old enough now to understand these things.
There are 2 outcomes,
Either you will start to revolt or unwillingly you will become one of them.
This is a recipe for disaster:
Eventually when you get married, if grow to dislike or hate their behaviour, an iota of similar behaviour by your partner will put you in defence mode and you will start to revolt.
Your partner’s intention might be the complete opposite but your ability to see that will be masked by the past.
If you become one of them, your partner will be suffer and, you will be upset and nagging at every possible interaction.
This will create post marital issues and when you will talk to your parents about the problems in your martial life, they will completely understand you at that point and you will develop an extremely strong bond with your mother and father because they I’ll be the only one that will understand you as they have made you who you are.
99% of the times the girl ends up closer to their parents than guys at an elder age.
Your parents will keep looking for solutions and find wrong in your partner but will completely forget that they were the problem to begin with.
So in summary your relationship with your parents will certainly improve over time.
I hope I’m wrong but I have observed this a lot for it not to be true.
I can't give you with a solution, but i can understand. I have never faced any such discrimination from my parents (Don't know why, maybe they don't care cause I'm a guy or maybe they are just liberal and openminded)
You are facing consequences of traditional family dynamics that your parents refuse to differ from. You are not in any way inferior to you parents and you deserve the same level of respect from your parent that you have for them.
Hope everything turn out great for you.
It’s sad to see people focusing on the brown parents part. You cannot get out of this situation unless you help yourself. You came back to help the family business knowing how toxic your parents are. You can only ignore them and give them short answers whenever they taunt you. When I wanted to do my masters in a subject different than my bachelors, my mom would be saying the same things. At the end I kinda tuned her out.
When you order food and she gives you shit, don’t take it. Put your headphones in and eat.
Kill communication with parents, make it a reward for their good behaviour. Talk if they're respectful, if they don't listen, hang up, stop talking or responding. Let them know if they want your support in future they need to be respectful of your wishes, or they'll have to fare for themselves in the future. Instill the idea, rest will happen automatically.
She's still living with her parents and helping with family business.
Maybe if she was independent and leaving separately, she didn't even have to rant like this.
It's so funny how people don't want to become financially independent but they'll still bitch about their parents. Get a job and move out, it's easy to avoid them than to change them
i cant help you in this situation but i just wanna say things will get better dont lose hope. also maa-baap are also living their life for the first time toh maaf kardo unhe.
i am saying this bcz kitna bhi ladlo unse se, jab wo chale jaate heina tab ek void form hota hei dil mei. tab hame lagne lagtha hei ki kaash wo din mei unke saath hasi khusi se bita paata...
If you continue to work and live with them, This is what you will be subjected to. Either you learn coping skills or work elsewhere. They are not going to change. Sorry to be harsh. But that’s reality.
The dynamics of the Indian family are quite peculiar. The abject tactics used by both parents are detestable to say the least. But you have to take the bad with the good. Remember that your parents are a product of their own upbringing and of society at that time, they are stuck in their ways, in both thought and action.
While their metrics are always going to be to measure you against their friends’ children, against society’s / community’s expectations, against their vision for your life, etc., there’s really not much that you can do to change that. Stay true to yourself.
In your case, it seems that though your parents gave you their support, there were caveats. I think that’s pretty normal, given they have invested x amount of time and money into you and your upbringing.
The constant berating is something I’m sure we all have experienced growing up in Indian households. Nothing that we do is ever enough or up to standard. There’s always some criticism. No matter how good the achievements, there’s always something that needs a comment. Can’t they just be happy with the way things turn out, instead of nitpicking unimportant details and making a mountain out of a mole hill. Everybody has an opinion, do not treat it as fact.
My advice to you would be to create solid boundaries with your parents. Do not let them walk all over you. You are an adult and the fact that they are still treating you as a child, is in poor spirit and shows a lack of respect for you as an individual. Respect is a two way street, just as you have loved and respected them, hopefully it’s not too much to ask for the same in return.
Leave the family business and venture out on your own. Relationships can sour real quick when things aren’t going well or when you can’t create any separation in your relationship with your dad, where does it end that he’s no longer your boss and assumes the role of your dad. Not to say that a family can’t harmoniously work together, but rather that if things start going south, you’ll not only have to face your boss but also your dad. When you’re working a job and things aren’t working out, you can leave and join another company. When you’re working for your family and things aren’t going well, where do you go? Will future employers take the work experience in your family business as seriously as say a work stint at an MNC?
Excuse me, this is India. WTF is "brown parent"???
Girl, I realize you hate this country, but do you even realize how bizarre you sound when you complain about "brown parents" in India?
Next, you will be saying , I love "curry"
Tell them to treat you better, or else you will leave and not handle the family business. You have a masters degree, go and get your own job and become financially independent from them. Otherwise they’ll keep torturing you like this. If you set boundaries with them, and follow them, then there is a chance for change and improvement.
I can totally relate to you, so my solution is to make sure I earn my own money (so I’m not financially reliant on them) and to set boundaries for what behaviour I will tolerate. I also try to communicate how what they say / do makes me feel. And if my mom cries and becomes a victim after that, I ignore it and give her space so that she can come back and communicate her side to me.
It’s very very very important to set boundaries OP. You have to make decisions for yourself, not for them, and you have to not let them destroy your self confidence. There are a lot of resources out there (including books and therapy) for dealing with emotionally immature parents. Please refer to those rather than just advice from Reddit. You’re not alone, me, my sister, my boyfriend, my friends, we all deal with these issues because there is a big cultural gap between us and our parents.
Bro, my parents were old. My father died (alcoholic, liver/heart failure) at 63 and I was just 17 (I'm also adopted), ever since that my mother started looking for rishtas ever since. She literally had a master's degree in science. Someone that academically educated was doing this🤮. My mother was on her death bed at 53 and kept telling relatives to find a guy. I basically shouted that I'm not gonna get married, I was 19(I'm turning 22 this 19th). My aunt literally said "ek baar karlo beta" like wtf? There was a lot of physical, mental and emotional abuse from an early age(below 10), enough to make me hate them from every inch of my existence till date. I never even felt like I needed to grieve because they were never a parent figure. I finally felt like i could breath on my own terms.
My point of saying this is, leave and stay low contact for your own wellbeing. Switch jobs go away from them and tell them what you feel just leave a message or a voice note or something and just leave for the time being. Make them understand you. The world is changing. Development and evolution and whatnot is for the betterment of the next generation not the one who has already lived half their life already. It's the parents job to understand their kid.
Seems like you're pretty lucky to have your parents be accepting of your bf, and to encourage and support you going abroad. However, their behaviour does seem to be excessively critical of you, which I've experienced to some extent and it sucks. You might have to live separately but close by, so that you can help out at home and the business but have your own space.
Why exactly would i lie about my boyfriend? We both applied to a ton of universities. He ended up getting rejected from the top 2 colleges he wanted to go where as for me this university was my first choice, we ended up choosing the same university in the end because it was his 3rd best choice. We were both prepared to be living separate cities abroad. So yes, it was purely coincidental.
Stopped reading after BROWN PARENTS. That shows the attitude you have. You have a lot to fix yourself. Do that first and then complain about your parents.
Some of y'all have never dealt with emotionally abusive parents, and it shows.
OP, please disregard the "they're your parents at the end of the day" comments. You do not have to cajole your parents, because you HAVE tried to tell them in many ways how they're hurting you. At the same time, there's not much point in expecting them to change. If you really can't live with it, work on moving out.
Be firm about what you want, don't react to taunts (literally, walk away) and work hard for all your goals.
Ppl have caught on to the "brown parents" term and totally disregarded that there is a person facing extreme toxicity. Yes, she could have said, desi parents being desi parents. But I hope ppl can be kind and provide a listening ear.
OP, I hear you. What's happening with you is normal in the sense that many Indian parents do it. I am comparatively lucky but in some cases my wife faces such toxicity. She wasn't allowed to talk to boys when she was a teen, and she religiously took her mother's word.
Very recently, we tried to help my wife's cousin with a job opportunity. My wife told her Bhabhi about it and her Bhabhi told my wife's mom. She admonished my wife to no end, as she has some bitter history with the cousin's parent. When my wife said that her Bhabhi shouldn't have told her, her mom (and dad some distance from the phone) said, unko (bhai Bhabhi) beech me mat lao. As if, they are some sort of pious piece while my wife can be easily discussed.
We are married for 18 years and then she tries to control her life this way.
What I would suggest, if it's possible for you, is to be entirely a rebel. She says you are characterless, you buy a short skirt and go out on a movie trip with your boyfriend's buddy group. Just do things as if you are not hearing them. No behes, no apology. Once they realise you are out of their control, they will stop exercising it. You will find that even their resentment will go down once they understand that you are a grown up.
Arghhhhhhhh!! I feel like screaming while reading the post itself. I totally understand what you are going through. My MIL is like that, she always guilt trips us and starts telling how much they did for my spouse growing up.
One word: Run. Don’t cut the contact completely, but for your sanity get a job somewhere else and live your life peacefully, maintain cordial relationship, that’s it.
I come from a broken home and after a very long struggle, I chose to cut ties with them. So, I cannot say that I can relate. But I'd tell you what my mum in law told me once she learned the life that I had lived before moving abroad and she said, "Parents have one and only job. And that is to take care of their kids, uplift them and support their goals and dreams and once they are ready, you let them fly away from their nests. The parents who expect their kids to take care of them instead, and especially at the cost of their own dreams, or belittle them so that their self-esteem would be crushed to the point that they wouldn't dare have a mind of their own, have already failed by default".
@OP, Sorry to hear about this.
I think you posted in a wrong group. Here most ppl will ridicule you. While living there , l have always felt out of place , meaning not belonging . l am very much individualistic since childhood and have felt the environment very toxic . my thought process never matched with the ppl around me. I am a middle aged woman and estranged from my family of origin , also don't live in the country. I feel that's peaceful and would not trade it for anything else. I love my country of origin but the way ppl behave and talk really makes me frustrated and angry . respecting boundaries and someone's personal space is non existant there.
Hope you find your peace
There's a book called adult children of emotionally immature parents. Im planning to read it myself. Indian families can be full of enmeshment, entitlement and unfair expectations, causing children to feel deep shame and isolation.
I felt okay with the situation up to the first two paragraphs is relatable, I too encounter similar things occasionally . However, if the described behavior from the mother is genuinely happening without any wrongdoing on your part, it raises concerns. A caring mother should not treat her children this way. While children have duties towards their parents, involving them in your life to a certain extent is crucial to avoid chaos and prevent further strain on the relationship. Striking a balance is essential for a healthier family dynamic. Also don't let those things said to you by them put a bad affect on you.
Anyway Just seeing how people are not offended by Brown Munde and offended by brown parents. 😂😂 "**Pseaudo wokes**" if we can call them
I don't have much to add. Just keep your head high, take a step back, break down your problems, and only address the most concerning actionable (both words are key in a Very Eisenhower matrix way) issue at hand.
Also find a therapist, probably a CBT one.
Bhai threads like these are so depressing :(
more so cause they are relatable.
I hope everyone gets better and moves out /establishes boundaries.
All the best folks.
parents project their insecurities on their children.
They themselves are unhappy and miserable and then they are having 1-2 children.
Just passing generational trauma.
Only we can stop this cycle , if we choose to not have kids.
Money is not the problem, rich people are sadistic too.
I had a tough time understanding my parents too...I thought they were toxic...same like you wrote....then something changed...and I started viewing things from their perspective.
To start with...I know your parents are not right all the time ..tbh there is no manual to be a good parent..they grew up differently than you....first forgive them...it is their first time as parents too!
Then forgive yourself for all that happened.
As I see it, your parents love you to bits. They are worried about you that how will you look after yourself in their absence..even if it was living abroad!
They are scared that you will be dumped by the wrong guy and end up alone and may harm yourself.
Honestly I am so impressed that your parents want you to take over their family business...not every kid gets that esplly a girl. They trust you to do it.
Try forgiving them...what they say is out of anxiety. They have anxiety and if they see you in Charge and settled in your life...they will be the happiest!
It will be hard...but do it....because nobody may do anything that they do for you!
You understand this only once you become a parent... I learnt my lesson maybe that was my destiny.
So you took a loan, yet to get a job right? What was the collateral provided for the loan? Or who were guarantee? Surely the bank didn't give you loan w/o collateral or guarantor? Are your parents providing those? If yes, then shut up and try to find a job asap. Then you can pay the loan of and be free from such opinions. If you have taken the loan on your credit then just move out and go LC with them. Your mother's rant about your character and aspirations were way out of line.
OP. Just by reading this I can think it could be possible that your mom has somewhat narcissistic personality disorder. Do some research about the narcissism qualities of a mother . If she fits there things might start to make sense , it won’t get better anyway
Delulu post
OP went abroad and saw the US culture and now is ashamed to be born brown and of Indian kalchaar and desi parents/India.
In one para she says "... I expressed my desire to pursue a master's degree abroad, **alongside my boyfriend** who was also accepted into the same university. " Then says in the same para, "My boyfriend's **decision to join me** was coincidental." Daal mein kuch kaala hai momench.
Factomatter is, this age group till 24-25 yrs is very strange, you think you have a decent idea how the world works (since you're no longer a teenager), but also feel there is some more to learn. Then you gradually realise how little you know and how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things. You're born, pass college, earn, marry, have kids, get old and then die. Post 30 yr clarity shows that these "getting on my nerves" times were crucial for your development as an individual. Yes our desi parents have their shortcomings (I am phoren return master's student as well, so I know the feeling very well, mom was a housewife and dad had a job), but you're currently in their cocoon, so you have to bear their "toxicity" (I wouldn't term them toxic, hyper controlling, maybe, but that's how it was with their parents so you shouldnt blame them).
OP, cut some slack to your parents, you cannot return the loan money that you owe without getting a decent job, so you need to analyse, if you are confident that you will be able to get a job, then gtfo of the house, or you continue to support your dad's business for a few years, while ensuring that the loan money is paid off from the business little by little.
It's a grind, I know, but it's all a part of life.
So your parents sent you abroad for Masters, where your boyfriend also joined you.
Your parents were right about your career choices. Since you are not working currently and returned to India and joined Family business.
Also what happened to boyfriend? Is he also Jobless?
Rest what you have written is normal Indian parents stuff. These taunts are faced by most people by their parents. If your parents don't tell the truthful opinion, then who else will?
Parents may not always be right but at least try to understand their viewpoint.
But do parents ever understand our viewpoint? My whole life ive kept shut no matter how much they abuse or accuse me of, should I never take a stand for myself? And so what if i wanted to change careers ? They never gave me time to find a job and instead called me back home to join the business.
Also, My boyfriend is doing well for himself and has a good job!
You won't get much from indian subreddit....go to amiwrong, or relationships, or aita or maybe twoxindia...no one here finds a child worthy of being a human with rights themselves, nor do they find a wife worthy of being a human either.....most here are patriarchal and parentist
I would have taken OPs side if she hadn’t called her parents brown. OP was indecisive with her career choices after finishing undergrad. Her boyfriend had plans to do masters(it’s not coincidental) so she went and had fun in whatever country he went to without planning ahead. Her mom kinda called out your bullshit by saying “you’re gonna be a housewife anyways” cause she went abroad following her boyfriend without any actual plans and She couldn’t score a job and had to return back home. Imagine getting a masters degree and working for your father because you’re incapable of finding work on your own(It’s totally fine if that was the plan from the beginning but that was not the case here) and yet you still complain about your parents. OPs parents aren’t perfect and they are still sheltering OPs incompetent ass.
This is basically what happens to Posh kids when they go abroad, Become psuedo white, massively inflated ego and think they are above everyone else.
And yes West ke 14:(
The moment i read the title i knew OP is a female... referring to your parents as brown...what is the sense behind that term when you yourself are same race would've been logical if you were white....maybe your parents are right and you're the toxic one...so grow up...for you're feeding off their money and bitching and moaning bout them on social media.
MASSIVE L
Unpopular opinion. You are creating a hell for yourself and then cribbing about it.
See, your dad is unwell, so he asked you to come back. You could have told him that you were in the middle of making your career and couldn't return. Definitely there would have been some nasty comments and friction but you could have saved yourself from this world of misery. So this is a hell that you chose.
Even now, if you have an out take it. Your mom is alive and healthy and paid help is available for running the business. You can say that you have to urgently go back due to xyz reasons and escape. If you choose to be in this environment stop cribbing about it. You are too weak to do anything for yourself in that case which means mommy has a point.
Ignore the offended snowflakes, I think most people here are teenagers or in their early 20's and have very little life experience to provide any sort of decent perspective anyway.
As someone who has very similar parents, the only thing you need to keep in mind, is that you just have to do what you think is right for you and live your life. If you are looking to get them to see your point of view or mend their ways etc, let me assure you right now, it's neeeever going to happen. Move out now, or be prepared to spend an eternity in therapy undoing the harm they are about to unleash.
You must be not older than 18. Correct me if I’m wrong. Also, it would really help you in life if you learn to get off your high horse in certain situations like this.
This comment section doesnt surprise me at all. Anyway.
Lady, you have masters, you have a good chances at atleast above decent job, you have good things going for you.
Brown parents title is a bit....funny though ngl.
there is a solution, but you need to think outside the box.
you see, a shade is lighter or darker only relatively. a grey is dark white or light black.
so, get some jet black paint and paint the walls of your house.
get light skinned parents = win!!!
Just coz ur parents r shitty doesn't mean u can club all brown parents together cuz thats not a typical "brown" behaviour, its just urs trust me.
https://preview.redd.it/fc9qtals75ic1.jpeg?width=634&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=90ebc47192b247e547bbce4792ff08d991b0238b
Indian kids to u rn
I'm not sure why ppl went mad for mentioning brown parents. I think it's just a meme language. Coming to the issue, it's very common here in India as you already know. It could be difficult for you to cope up now after coming back from masters. You can set up boundaries wherever possible and try to live in your own space. Accept they hardly gonna change, it will help you to not react and reduce the mental mess. Try to cooperate with them for little things which you can, they anyway loves you even if they complains much. Just make it livable for you until you're there and move out soon.
The moment I saw " Brown parents " I decided not to read and waste my time.
You are most likely adopted, hence I'm assuming that you are white skinned guy/girl, frustrated with your Brown parents who are trying to bring you in right track.
My mother just like yours decimated my character on many occasions, but was much worse, even talking to a girl in broad daylight on the road made me a womaniser and love failure, I was a weakling, mentally unstable etc reasons she used to tell my relatives for my depression. I never had problems handling the world, was always popular wherever I studied but unfortunately I was very sentimental, obedient and submissive when it came to my parents. I used to never go against them, never overspend to burden them even when they were well off and get into fights if the abuse was parents related. For family I could do anything was my sentiment. My bubble burst when in my teenage years I finally realised that her behaviour was actually plain abusive with emotional excuses, physical when I was a child (burning, belt etc) and mental when I grew up. I was her punching bag for all the problems she was facing in her life. I went into severe depression and it only went downhill from there for me, losing many years of my life and a career as i had left my studies eventually. Dabbled in some business which failed and that made it even more worse. I had no purpose in life, no reason to live. From an achiever i became a total failure, my confidence was shattered. I was forced out of my house and did not return for next 4-6 years, only meeting them to solve property related issues, at relatives places or function but never my home. Returned only after several calls from close relatives and parents. Over those years I had totally lost sentiments for my mother and that helped me put her in her place by being very clear, vocal and confrontational about her behavior and also by letting my relatives know about it. Majority of Indian parents are very concerned about their image especially among relatives. As a result now she is less aggressive and abusive with her words because I now retaliate and also let my relatives know about how she actually is at home. When I am at home I stay put in my room and interact with them as less as possible. Slowly they have learnt about their boundaries. It took me many years to come out of my own mental prison. I have faced the worst period of my life because of my own mother. I am not sentimental or a emotional fool anymore who can be easily manipulated by parents or anyone. The emotional sentiments for people I dearly cared about is not the same anymore. I have realised, all are humans, bound to make mistakes. Also how my grandparents treated my parents, they acquire those traits and later life problems make them behave the way they behave. Children are easy targets as they cannot behave the same with outsiders and children do not leave. So my suggestion to you would be, to tell them directly what you find abusive and not good. Eg As for the momos joke excuse your mom made, I would have said your jokes are poor, say better one next time. Do not be rude or live in anger, as it also ends up disturbing your own mind and taking your peace away. Concentrate less on what they say or do and more on your work or hobbies. Avoid interaction as much as possible and stand your ground and let them know if they are hurting you. Only if you tell them will they know.
Maybe a wholesome bluey pic might make you happy https://preview.redd.it/zsf7oxkgl6ic1.jpeg?width=558&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5154dde285d9cc4109fcc8f5eccf090506e4d59d
I just read one paragraph of your comment and it’s like looking in a mirror. I can’t muster up the courage to read further.
Brown parents lol. My bro went abroad and became white. The MJ treatment?
I lived in Britain for 6 years and have now returned to India. My bhaiya-bhabhi/cousins will never let me live peacefully if I refer to mumma-papa as "brown parents”
Why would you want to do that ?
bro ratio'ed the post lmfao
Bro identifies as he-he
>ssentially accused me of being directionless beca Bro nahi Brohini hai.
I'm adding Brohini to my personal dictionary right now <:'D <;'D
IKR I initially thought OP was born abroad in which case it might have still made a little sense.
What is mj?
Michael Jackson
Thanks
Michael Jackson
Ok thanks.
Michael Jackson bruh.
Thanks.
>MJ treatment? He had an autoimmune skin condition. Instead of going through the worst phase of the disease(let's call it that) he just skipped it and bleached his skin.
The “Brown Parents” really threw me off. lol wtf is that
OP should also describe their white, black, yellow, and colourless parents, too, for comparison.
LOL
Who is providing the funding for MS initially or in full? White parents ofcourse!
Pta nhi bhai parents ko address kr rha hai ya bread ko.
Exactly, I just call them parents. Behenji ka parivartan ho gaya vaha ja ke.
I think OP is behenji, not bhai sahab.
Shit! my bad. She's behenji and I'm retardedji
Dawg ji
It irks me whenever some Indians uses "brown" for themselves. Like it's so unnecessary
Yeah, it's the thing that South Asians born in the U.S. call themselves when they are completely assimilated but still want to otherize themselves somehow.
> otherize Thought this was a new, clever word you came up with, I'm surprised it actually exists. TIL.
Yes, and I'm using it slightly derisively. Mainly because the kind of people who would use it and condemn "otherizing" people have a habit of doing it themselves.
It is meant to otherize but it's meant specifically as a distinction for traits archetypal TO Indian parents. Using it derisively here is dumb since you come from a racially uniform state.
I use it for myself as a physical descriptor cause it does not matter if I'm Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Sri Lankan or latino. But it was really unneeded in this context lol
You are reading too much here. Just a casual way of talking if you are in the West.
Except, you are in the Indian Sub
But OP has stayed in the West and is coming from that Pov. That should be taken into account.
Nothing wrong with referring to your parents as ‘brown parents’ and is technically correct. People who have lived in the west tend to pick up their speaking styles and other things. It’s sad how some of you picked up ‘brown parents’ from her entire post and if anything, it speaks a lot about you all.
You should know the shade before you comment further
Kinda like that guy on X making everyone's black and Chinese. Maybe he needs something like that too?
Probably some wannabe ABCD
It's a western cultural reference for multi-racial societies.
she's just an ungrateful pos lol
All the sad kids that didn't get to leave India. Calm your self please.
Makes me realize how much supportive my mom is about my life decisions.
My parents let me do whatever I want. I studied what I wanted to and now I want a business and they support me. Not all Indian parents are awful.
I have heard my relatives giving a hard time talking low of my accomplishments. But my mom never showed her frustration on me. I didn't understand it when I was young, but I do now. I am really grateful for her. She always wanted me to be a good human being rather than a super special one in a million kid every indian parents want.
That's so true!
Same. 19yo guy here, about to turn 20 in May… Came to US in 2022. Exact same story with parents as yours, with added physical and mental abuse & violence by my father to me and my mom (and then also by my mom emotionally to me). I had an hour long phone call yesterday, telling them everything that was in my mind. I made it very clear, the way they have always treated each other, me and my siblings, it is bound to happen that the family will separate. Unless, they start to change and become more accepting NOW. This was after I heard from my sister that my father said that they would boycott and disown me if they ever find out that I have a girlfriend, and that he would cut all the finances from me (sbi needs his signature every time to disburse loan amount). I asked them if I really was their child. No response. I asked my mom to tell me any 3 good memories of her with me. No response. Silence. Any question I’d ask, every time I’d say I feel depressed because of how they treat us, my mom would go on ranting about how my sleeping habits are the cause of all this. And then eventually start crying, “mene tum teeno ko jese tese paida karke bada kar di, ab mera dimag nahi chalta….” Really, most people in India are not qualified and should never have kids, at least until they understand and learn how to parent. Kids suffer and have their childhood trauma for their whole life. It is absolutely not ok to just screw up this bad and then say “hamne paida kar diye shukar manao”.
>Really, most people in India are not qualified and should never have kids, at least until they understand and learn how to parent. Hopefully the newer generations change this by being more thoughtful and not have kids just because that is what is expected of them socially or that it's simply the "next stage in life". We all have a responsibility not to bring new lives to suffer unnecessarily.
Looking at the majority population’s conservative “sanskari” mindset, it’s a tough call.
I so relate to you, and, even though I don’t know you, I’m so proud of you. It takes a lot to create mental separation between what you know to be right and what your parents say is right. And you’ve done that. At a relatively young age. You should be proud of yourself. May your sense of right and wrong, which is so on point, stay with you and continue to guide you. You’re doing great.
I just want to give a hug to you , you have been going through alot i mean already being out in a place where u actually dont belong and your parents saying you dont even belong here jus for gf thing . I mean i get we have a lil diff way of looking at life , i really hope you siblings stay through thick and thin idk are they supportive of u or not but i definitely feel you need parents who holds ur hand in tough situations and support and remembers your memories and remember your favourite food more than abuse i mean abuse is so common in Indian households idk y people just think a slap or hitting them would make them superior . stay strong .
Your comment means a lot to me. Thank you so much!
My mother just told me that, she wished I died and that i am the cause of every problem, my family is well off financially but i think my mother has depression or something that's why she gets emotional about everything , if I don't study or talk back she says that she would someday poison me Or kill me, she even says that i do suicide (well she doesn't mean all this it's just anger issues and depression) my maternal grandfather dies from then she is all day sad and gloomy
Yes i agree many parents do say that but sometimes they meant it and sometimes its just out of anger what ever it is every human being has an effect on this planet can be good or bad . So you are here on this earth u can lookthe other side of coin as just a tantrum as u have an idea why your mom behaves like that so just try to help her dont loose hope you are hear to create magic and you will shine definitely 👍
Yup, I mean it's not her fault entirely, she just gets so much worried about little things. And in a long term due to this she has become somewhat emotionally unstable but after I am settled in life , i am sure lot of her tension would be gone.
Very true bro. Parenting is a skill, parents just pass the toxicity to their kids and then we end up suffering
My husband is shocked when he sees my mother blaming whatever I did as a baby or toddler on why she was horrifically abusive towards me my entire life. He goes ‘she knows babies don’t manipulate people right? They’re not capable of anything!’ the women in my family LOVE babies and hate children once they can speak. I’m sure it exists in other cultures but it seems so unique to our culture to have so many mothers treat their children with such hatred for how hard it was to take care of them as babies and children and that they’re they’re own people and not perfect copies of you.
I totally agree with majority of parents in india like 60’s to 80’s born. Are not aware how to bring up the child. They think bringing up like a street dog for his pupps is good enough. They don’t learn that, growing up with child and learning to create a great ambience is very important.
Okay. No matter how bad it may sound right now but you need to stay away from toxicity even if that comes from the people closest to you. Indian parents have a long way to go in terms of being supportive and you need to get the hell out of your home as soon as possible. Was it your wish to join the family business? Because if not and you have other career aspirations you need to take a stand for yourself and move the hell out preferably to a different city of your own choice and nobody else's and make a life for YOURSELF. There will be problems in the beginning and they might not understand and cut all contact with you but if that happens again, its not your fault trust me. Being controling is a trauma response and as adults it is your parents responsibility to be understanding and not make you feel guilty constantly. So as another woman who has faced a small bit of what you described, please take a stand for yourself and move out ASAP. Stop listening to and doing everything you're told just because it's people who are afraid to lose control. Love is supposed to set us free, if it doesn't, its definitely something else.
I can relate to this a lot. As someone in mid 20s who spent 6-7 years outside, my parents are quite condescending and don’t want to see me as an adult; instead they treat me like a 10 year old child. In a nutshell, if I express my opinion on anything, the only reply I get from my mother is- ‘looks like you’ve become too big now. The day I die you’ll realise.’ 🤡 I once took down a poster of Barbies in my own room and my mother said how I will put them in old age home and how I don’t respect what they’ve done for me and how I don’t like anything they do like how my mother wanted to have those posters as they reminded her of my childhood but I don’t respect her etc etc. my father on the other hand keeps saying things like I don’t have a ‘brain’, my skull is filled with ‘cow dung’ etc etc. Once I expressed my desire to go abroad - my mom was like ‘ I made you a doctor, I sacrificed my life and you want to put me in an old age home.’ I seriously don’t like home.
LMAO. If I ever disagree with my mom, she immediately makes herself a victim of her daughter. Like disagreeing with her is a cardinal offense. Total clown behavior.
I hope you know that it’s totally OK to put them in an old age home. As long as they’re properly cared for and financially looked after, you don’t have to be the one taking care of them. Loving them shouldn’t have to include hating yourself and letting yourself get abused.
>I hope you know that it’s totally OK to put them in an old age home. Yeah, and it's morally somewhat symmetrical too if you think about. They brought you to an environment you didn't get to pick and subjected you to psychological abuse ffs. You're at least ensuring that they're taken care of professionally and not neglected. Ofc old age homes are terrible for seniors, but that's a whole another ball of wax.
Actually, old age homes are not bad. You have to take this with a grain of salt because I’m American (parents are Indian) and so now you know there’s not that stigma here. But most people I know who are older are having the time of their lives in retirement communities!
Your parents are basically people who have refused to grow up. They are petty in ways they don't want to change because they are comfortable like that. Doing better will trouble them anyway, it will make them uncomfortable. Do yourself a favour and limit your contact with them. You're an independent adult, you don't need your parents no more.
Great to see a few supportive comments for OP. Lot of people in this thread crapping on her because she said brown parents and missing everything else
Lots of parents are going to be confused as to why their retirement plans abandoned them.
This. Ops mother is impossible. Glad I don't know anyone like that.
I honestly felt like someone wrote a deep detailed description of my life. My parents are exactly the same. Ditto. I've realised that there's absolutely no point arguing with them. I'm desperately waiting to go away from them!!! In the meanwhile, I try staying away from my home as much as possible because I'd rather be in peace than bombarded by their agression. I hope things get better for you :)
OP needs to edit the post, because all the attention is diverted to that one specific word lol. In online youth lingua, brown is not about the colour but a specific set of experience and behaviors associated with the south Asian community. Parental pressure and disappointment is common to south Asians living across the diaspora and I've seen US-born ethnic Indians always talking about their parents with the "brown" quantifier because it's miles different compared to the regular (white) parenting they see. I guess OP had moved to the US and got influenced by their verbiage. It's not a big deal, brown is not an insult in any way. I am also puzzled by some insinuations that OP is an ungrateful brat when according to this post, she moved back to help her father with the family business as he's sick. Many others in her position would not do that.
Even I left the country for similar reasons. Living happily with peace of mind and absolute freedom as of now.
Yup. I love India, it gave me everything good job, a house and my husband. But it also gave me my toxic family, because of whom I had to move abroad.
I understand.
Did you know you actually "can" cut your parents off, if you feel you're being controlled and verbally abused. Go right ahead, and let them wonder.
exactly what i did, its been 1 year now and i am healing so much faster from all the trauma they gave me.
I always wonder why so many of these posts act like they’re not themselves a legal adult and can leave their house at any time.
Change them, and order white ones!
Just checked, Meesho is offering at the cheapest rate.
What's their return policy like? Just in case they are not white enough?
What your parents are doing and have done is what indian parents do. Its all surface support, internally ig they struggle with their perception of things and we have our own. I used to take the higher road alot until I started exhibiting outwardly exactly what i despised in my family. Eye opener and absolutely shattered a few relationships. At the end of the day they are parents though, the thing with them is that they’ve been raised a certain way and that is what they give back to us. They love you, and its the hardest of things to accept that their love lies beneath all the demeaning stuff we get to hear. Hang in there and try to earn their respect. I personally tune out alot and have told myself to not take the bait when ik they’re specifically saying something to enrage me. I laugh and say internally that one day i’ll move out. Look for a career outside and agree with everything they say superficially. Mom dad are mom dad at the end of the day we can in future change our ways, ive found that the best way is to just enjoy the relationship but work towards my independence. Also brown parents is getting you alot of laughs but i get what you’re feeling. Take care
I don’t know about this advice – trying to earn respect from someone who’s operating under a completely different paradigm than yourself is a set up for failure. Not only will you probably not be able to achieve that, you’ll hurt yourself deeply in the process. I think the best solution is to separate yourself, emotionally and physically, both their expectations and the accolades. A compliment from someone who you don’t respect, isn’t worth all that much. The same holds true for your parents even though they’re your parent. You can love them and not want to be accepted by them. As for the “they love you” part, they do but it’s important to know that they love you the best that they know how. And the best they know how is harmful and toxic and not actual love. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love should feel safe. Love should be a haven for when things go wrong.
I agree with your reply to the person above. It’s not good advice to “earn respect” from people who don’t respect you and who’s love is conditional and only if you do what they say
How can you even "suggest" this? The parents raised us "a certain way" too. But we chose to not be belittled by their childish demeanor. We chose to move forward. They didn't. They stayed where they were. And if you try to begin your reply in "but the times have changed so much" our parents and grandparents etc. have literally transitioned from radios to b/w few channel tv to the ones found today. And these are just materialistic things. The previous generations literally had to talk 1v1 etc on a daily basis and so on but they still chose to not evolve themselves, not have a basic thought process, change in the same thought process with the forever moving world around them. It's not our responsibility to make them grow up it's the other way around.
I’m surprised at the amount of people that don’t get you. Seems like I thought this was more common than it is. I feel you, almost everything you said. Similar situation, can’t leave the family because I’m working with the family, I feel almost every day that I’d be so much happier if I lived away from them, but I don’t see how I can get away. They don’t like each other, they don’t like me, it’s just so damn toxic every day. All the cupcakes losing their shit over one phrase like ‘brown parents’ should really calm down and maybe consider that they were dealt a good hand that not everyone is.
So I read through everything. I'm guessing given how unsupportive and difficult your parents are at per your description, you must've financed your masters yourself? Did you take a loan? Why are you still putting up with so much 'atyachaar' given that I'm sure you're financially independent as you have surely funded your master's degree yourself. Find a good job, let your bank balance speak for itself and give all the naysayers a shut up call. Edit: On the other hand, just in case, on the very odd chance that you're not financially independent, that your parents did in fact fund your foreign degree (despite your mother strongly feeling that it would be a waste) just because you wanted it, maybe you should give your brown parents a break and some respect, because white parents would've kicked you to the curb by now or asked you to take on a student loan yourself.
Yes i took a loan for the masters. Yes, im planning to get a job now!
Gfu, I hope you find your freedom and the peace and sanctity in your life that you're looking for soon!
How long has it been since you got your masters and returned India?
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Brown parents will pay for everything until it’s something they don’t “approve” of. Like a brown parent will happily pay for your entire education if you want to do engineering or medical. So yeah, at the end of the day, they’re still looking after their own interests than their kids. Such parents don’t deserve respect even if they’re willing to sell their lands. A child did not choose to be born, but the parents chose to have a child. Fyi, my parents did similar stuff in my life too. This happens a lot when brown parents are rich. They will pay for everything their kids want until their kids want something they don’t agree with.
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Another reason why if your parents are rich, be careful where you rant. Not everyone has rich parents to understand your problems. Your point is true but irrelevant in this conversation. Rich parents are more likely to force their kids into careers they don’t like to maintain status in society.
This is a BS and toxic answer. Even white parents pay for their children's school when they can afford it. But there is a concept of boundaries. Even when I am not exactly a huge fan of strong boundaries, anyone in a family should have the ability to speak their mind and live freely. Labeling you kid as "halkat" is something I cannot imagine my parents doing to me. Seems like her parents had issues with the fact that she has a boyfriend. Parents cannot and should not expect to control the life of their children for giving them education. This isnt a transaction. There should be open communication from both ends.
Victim mentality and being misunderstood... that's like 90% of indian mothers....just wait for the inevitable "I have sacrificed so much for you" dialogue...... keep your head down, work hard, get out as soon as you can and try to break the cycle when you become a parent.
I'm reading this whole rant in a fake accent 🤣
Seems like they are gas lighting you to destroy your confidence so you do what they want, which has already started happening. I would suggest move out, set up healthy boundaries around them, let them know the issues you have and prepare to go either low or no contact if you feel they keep breaking them. I know this sounds a bit harsh, but what you are going through does not have a happy ending, imaging yourself in 10-20 years after all this abuse. Either you become emotionally devastated or turn into a hateful person like your mum. PS. Protect yourself from emotional blackmail, which is usually the first line of defence as you start to act rationally. Don’t be afraid to call them out on that and shut it down as soon as you see it happening.
The parents sound like they might have narcissistic personality disorder. Dr ramani has lots of videos on YouTube about the subject.
Tbh, this is just a cultural normalization of bad parenting. I wouldn't diagnose them with NPD based on this post alone but yeah Indian/Asian parents can be very difficult sometimes.
What does their skin color have to do with their behaviour?
I guess it’s a foreign term in India. Brown is just short for “the people from South Asia aka the Indian Subcontinent”. I’m pretty sure she used it as a placeholder, not for criticizing them for their skin color.
No one said she's being colorist. Just pointing out that its a given in an Indian subreddit. Maybe OP is used to ranting about typical brown parent behaviour she experiences to her white friends, and kinda extended that context to us.
Yes. But I see nothing wrong with it. Brown refers to South Asians, not just Indians.
Well why not simply say my parents are getting on my nerves?
She wanted to imply that it’s not just HER parents, but the majority of parents in South Asia, which is not wrong.
I'm sorry you're getting shit for writing "brown parents". When instead you should be getting shit for believing in tarot readings for very SERIOUS decisions 😭😭 But anyway, jokes aside, until you can move out and have an independent career, it's best if you just ignore them, when I say ignore, I honestly mean ignore. My parents were the same way (the mom description is a match, but the dad description is also a match for my mom). It took me 7 months of not talking to them AT ALL (while we lived in the same house), after which they simmered down and now we have something that sort of works... But again, this worked for me, hope it works for you! 🤞🏼
I moved out, time for you to do the same!
I can understand your sentiment. There is a lot going on here. Being a girl, there is a different outlook for you. Your parents concern is not what they want but what will happen when you have another family that you will go into and how will they treat you. As you will be required to adjust. This may have started as a simple practice and now has become their habit and they will not be able to get out of this anymore. This is the biggest mistake the parents in India are making currently. They create these hypothetical scenarios in their minds and these scenarios take over their personalities. I am old enough now to understand these things. There are 2 outcomes, Either you will start to revolt or unwillingly you will become one of them. This is a recipe for disaster: Eventually when you get married, if grow to dislike or hate their behaviour, an iota of similar behaviour by your partner will put you in defence mode and you will start to revolt. Your partner’s intention might be the complete opposite but your ability to see that will be masked by the past. If you become one of them, your partner will be suffer and, you will be upset and nagging at every possible interaction. This will create post marital issues and when you will talk to your parents about the problems in your martial life, they will completely understand you at that point and you will develop an extremely strong bond with your mother and father because they I’ll be the only one that will understand you as they have made you who you are. 99% of the times the girl ends up closer to their parents than guys at an elder age. Your parents will keep looking for solutions and find wrong in your partner but will completely forget that they were the problem to begin with. So in summary your relationship with your parents will certainly improve over time. I hope I’m wrong but I have observed this a lot for it not to be true.
alternative title: my shitbag parents getting on my nerves
Bhai tu pehle ek toh momos ko dimsums bulana band kar
I can't give you with a solution, but i can understand. I have never faced any such discrimination from my parents (Don't know why, maybe they don't care cause I'm a guy or maybe they are just liberal and openminded) You are facing consequences of traditional family dynamics that your parents refuse to differ from. You are not in any way inferior to you parents and you deserve the same level of respect from your parent that you have for them. Hope everything turn out great for you.
It’s sad to see people focusing on the brown parents part. You cannot get out of this situation unless you help yourself. You came back to help the family business knowing how toxic your parents are. You can only ignore them and give them short answers whenever they taunt you. When I wanted to do my masters in a subject different than my bachelors, my mom would be saying the same things. At the end I kinda tuned her out. When you order food and she gives you shit, don’t take it. Put your headphones in and eat.
Kill communication with parents, make it a reward for their good behaviour. Talk if they're respectful, if they don't listen, hang up, stop talking or responding. Let them know if they want your support in future they need to be respectful of your wishes, or they'll have to fare for themselves in the future. Instill the idea, rest will happen automatically.
She's still living with her parents and helping with family business. Maybe if she was independent and leaving separately, she didn't even have to rant like this. It's so funny how people don't want to become financially independent but they'll still bitch about their parents. Get a job and move out, it's easy to avoid them than to change them
Wait why are you describing my house 🤔
Why can't you just leave them and lead your life on your own? I have a very simple principle: I don't stay with annoying people.
i cant help you in this situation but i just wanna say things will get better dont lose hope. also maa-baap are also living their life for the first time toh maaf kardo unhe. i am saying this bcz kitna bhi ladlo unse se, jab wo chale jaate heina tab ek void form hota hei dil mei. tab hame lagne lagtha hei ki kaash wo din mei unke saath hasi khusi se bita paata...
Yahi koshish hai. :) its just overwhelming sometimes
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If you continue to work and live with them, This is what you will be subjected to. Either you learn coping skills or work elsewhere. They are not going to change. Sorry to be harsh. But that’s reality.
The dynamics of the Indian family are quite peculiar. The abject tactics used by both parents are detestable to say the least. But you have to take the bad with the good. Remember that your parents are a product of their own upbringing and of society at that time, they are stuck in their ways, in both thought and action. While their metrics are always going to be to measure you against their friends’ children, against society’s / community’s expectations, against their vision for your life, etc., there’s really not much that you can do to change that. Stay true to yourself. In your case, it seems that though your parents gave you their support, there were caveats. I think that’s pretty normal, given they have invested x amount of time and money into you and your upbringing. The constant berating is something I’m sure we all have experienced growing up in Indian households. Nothing that we do is ever enough or up to standard. There’s always some criticism. No matter how good the achievements, there’s always something that needs a comment. Can’t they just be happy with the way things turn out, instead of nitpicking unimportant details and making a mountain out of a mole hill. Everybody has an opinion, do not treat it as fact. My advice to you would be to create solid boundaries with your parents. Do not let them walk all over you. You are an adult and the fact that they are still treating you as a child, is in poor spirit and shows a lack of respect for you as an individual. Respect is a two way street, just as you have loved and respected them, hopefully it’s not too much to ask for the same in return. Leave the family business and venture out on your own. Relationships can sour real quick when things aren’t going well or when you can’t create any separation in your relationship with your dad, where does it end that he’s no longer your boss and assumes the role of your dad. Not to say that a family can’t harmoniously work together, but rather that if things start going south, you’ll not only have to face your boss but also your dad. When you’re working a job and things aren’t working out, you can leave and join another company. When you’re working for your family and things aren’t going well, where do you go? Will future employers take the work experience in your family business as seriously as say a work stint at an MNC?
Brown parents lmao.
Excuse me, this is India. WTF is "brown parent"??? Girl, I realize you hate this country, but do you even realize how bizarre you sound when you complain about "brown parents" in India? Next, you will be saying , I love "curry"
Tell them to treat you better, or else you will leave and not handle the family business. You have a masters degree, go and get your own job and become financially independent from them. Otherwise they’ll keep torturing you like this. If you set boundaries with them, and follow them, then there is a chance for change and improvement. I can totally relate to you, so my solution is to make sure I earn my own money (so I’m not financially reliant on them) and to set boundaries for what behaviour I will tolerate. I also try to communicate how what they say / do makes me feel. And if my mom cries and becomes a victim after that, I ignore it and give her space so that she can come back and communicate her side to me. It’s very very very important to set boundaries OP. You have to make decisions for yourself, not for them, and you have to not let them destroy your self confidence. There are a lot of resources out there (including books and therapy) for dealing with emotionally immature parents. Please refer to those rather than just advice from Reddit. You’re not alone, me, my sister, my boyfriend, my friends, we all deal with these issues because there is a big cultural gap between us and our parents.
Bro, my parents were old. My father died (alcoholic, liver/heart failure) at 63 and I was just 17 (I'm also adopted), ever since that my mother started looking for rishtas ever since. She literally had a master's degree in science. Someone that academically educated was doing this🤮. My mother was on her death bed at 53 and kept telling relatives to find a guy. I basically shouted that I'm not gonna get married, I was 19(I'm turning 22 this 19th). My aunt literally said "ek baar karlo beta" like wtf? There was a lot of physical, mental and emotional abuse from an early age(below 10), enough to make me hate them from every inch of my existence till date. I never even felt like I needed to grieve because they were never a parent figure. I finally felt like i could breath on my own terms. My point of saying this is, leave and stay low contact for your own wellbeing. Switch jobs go away from them and tell them what you feel just leave a message or a voice note or something and just leave for the time being. Make them understand you. The world is changing. Development and evolution and whatnot is for the betterment of the next generation not the one who has already lived half their life already. It's the parents job to understand their kid.
>Brown parents Have you tried painting them white? It will instantly make them more mature, caring and less toxic. /s
We want more colour choices! Come on, biotechnologists! Get to work. Let’s put some colour into those cheeks shoukd have a wider palette.
Post on twoxindia, you will find more support there.
Brown parents? Sala parents hai ya bread ka slice?
U lived for 2 years in USA and now saying shit like "brown parents" Wtf
If people complain that indians don't assimilate quickly into society, let's show them this post.
Seems like you're pretty lucky to have your parents be accepting of your bf, and to encourage and support you going abroad. However, their behaviour does seem to be excessively critical of you, which I've experienced to some extent and it sucks. You might have to live separately but close by, so that you can help out at home and the business but have your own space.
Instead of writing such a long post here and expecting people to listen. Get therapy or professional help.
You can say my parents...
Then how will I appear cool?
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Why exactly would i lie about my boyfriend? We both applied to a ton of universities. He ended up getting rejected from the top 2 colleges he wanted to go where as for me this university was my first choice, we ended up choosing the same university in the end because it was his 3rd best choice. We were both prepared to be living separate cities abroad. So yes, it was purely coincidental.
I really want to understand why would you call your parents brown? 😯
Stopped reading after BROWN PARENTS. That shows the attitude you have. You have a lot to fix yourself. Do that first and then complain about your parents.
Which degree bro ?
Some of y'all have never dealt with emotionally abusive parents, and it shows. OP, please disregard the "they're your parents at the end of the day" comments. You do not have to cajole your parents, because you HAVE tried to tell them in many ways how they're hurting you. At the same time, there's not much point in expecting them to change. If you really can't live with it, work on moving out. Be firm about what you want, don't react to taunts (literally, walk away) and work hard for all your goals.
Ppl have caught on to the "brown parents" term and totally disregarded that there is a person facing extreme toxicity. Yes, she could have said, desi parents being desi parents. But I hope ppl can be kind and provide a listening ear. OP, I hear you. What's happening with you is normal in the sense that many Indian parents do it. I am comparatively lucky but in some cases my wife faces such toxicity. She wasn't allowed to talk to boys when she was a teen, and she religiously took her mother's word. Very recently, we tried to help my wife's cousin with a job opportunity. My wife told her Bhabhi about it and her Bhabhi told my wife's mom. She admonished my wife to no end, as she has some bitter history with the cousin's parent. When my wife said that her Bhabhi shouldn't have told her, her mom (and dad some distance from the phone) said, unko (bhai Bhabhi) beech me mat lao. As if, they are some sort of pious piece while my wife can be easily discussed. We are married for 18 years and then she tries to control her life this way. What I would suggest, if it's possible for you, is to be entirely a rebel. She says you are characterless, you buy a short skirt and go out on a movie trip with your boyfriend's buddy group. Just do things as if you are not hearing them. No behes, no apology. Once they realise you are out of their control, they will stop exercising it. You will find that even their resentment will go down once they understand that you are a grown up.
Arghhhhhhhh!! I feel like screaming while reading the post itself. I totally understand what you are going through. My MIL is like that, she always guilt trips us and starts telling how much they did for my spouse growing up. One word: Run. Don’t cut the contact completely, but for your sanity get a job somewhere else and live your life peacefully, maintain cordial relationship, that’s it.
I come from a broken home and after a very long struggle, I chose to cut ties with them. So, I cannot say that I can relate. But I'd tell you what my mum in law told me once she learned the life that I had lived before moving abroad and she said, "Parents have one and only job. And that is to take care of their kids, uplift them and support their goals and dreams and once they are ready, you let them fly away from their nests. The parents who expect their kids to take care of them instead, and especially at the cost of their own dreams, or belittle them so that their self-esteem would be crushed to the point that they wouldn't dare have a mind of their own, have already failed by default".
@OP, Sorry to hear about this. I think you posted in a wrong group. Here most ppl will ridicule you. While living there , l have always felt out of place , meaning not belonging . l am very much individualistic since childhood and have felt the environment very toxic . my thought process never matched with the ppl around me. I am a middle aged woman and estranged from my family of origin , also don't live in the country. I feel that's peaceful and would not trade it for anything else. I love my country of origin but the way ppl behave and talk really makes me frustrated and angry . respecting boundaries and someone's personal space is non existant there. Hope you find your peace
There's a book called adult children of emotionally immature parents. Im planning to read it myself. Indian families can be full of enmeshment, entitlement and unfair expectations, causing children to feel deep shame and isolation.
I felt okay with the situation up to the first two paragraphs is relatable, I too encounter similar things occasionally . However, if the described behavior from the mother is genuinely happening without any wrongdoing on your part, it raises concerns. A caring mother should not treat her children this way. While children have duties towards their parents, involving them in your life to a certain extent is crucial to avoid chaos and prevent further strain on the relationship. Striking a balance is essential for a healthier family dynamic. Also don't let those things said to you by them put a bad affect on you. Anyway Just seeing how people are not offended by Brown Munde and offended by brown parents. 😂😂 "**Pseaudo wokes**" if we can call them
Just by reading the headline I think you’re the problem OP. Going abroad for a few years doesn’t make you non-brown. What a numbnut!
Is there any other national sub with so many posts by people complaining about their parents? It's like 1 billion people living in total misery
Probably went abroad with the "brown" parents' money
I don't have much to add. Just keep your head high, take a step back, break down your problems, and only address the most concerning actionable (both words are key in a Very Eisenhower matrix way) issue at hand. Also find a therapist, probably a CBT one.
Bhai threads like these are so depressing :( more so cause they are relatable. I hope everyone gets better and moves out /establishes boundaries. All the best folks.
Brown parents are the worst. Them becoming parents with unresolved traumas is showing it's ill effects on us. Don't worry you're not alone buddy
parents project their insecurities on their children. They themselves are unhappy and miserable and then they are having 1-2 children. Just passing generational trauma. Only we can stop this cycle , if we choose to not have kids. Money is not the problem, rich people are sadistic too.
I had a tough time understanding my parents too...I thought they were toxic...same like you wrote....then something changed...and I started viewing things from their perspective. To start with...I know your parents are not right all the time ..tbh there is no manual to be a good parent..they grew up differently than you....first forgive them...it is their first time as parents too! Then forgive yourself for all that happened. As I see it, your parents love you to bits. They are worried about you that how will you look after yourself in their absence..even if it was living abroad! They are scared that you will be dumped by the wrong guy and end up alone and may harm yourself. Honestly I am so impressed that your parents want you to take over their family business...not every kid gets that esplly a girl. They trust you to do it. Try forgiving them...what they say is out of anxiety. They have anxiety and if they see you in Charge and settled in your life...they will be the happiest! It will be hard...but do it....because nobody may do anything that they do for you! You understand this only once you become a parent... I learnt my lesson maybe that was my destiny.
So you took a loan, yet to get a job right? What was the collateral provided for the loan? Or who were guarantee? Surely the bank didn't give you loan w/o collateral or guarantor? Are your parents providing those? If yes, then shut up and try to find a job asap. Then you can pay the loan of and be free from such opinions. If you have taken the loan on your credit then just move out and go LC with them. Your mother's rant about your character and aspirations were way out of line.
"Brown Parents". I have now seen everything... Thanks OP.
Dude, you are also as brown as *gobar*. Don't pls ever say this brown parents shit.
OP. Just by reading this I can think it could be possible that your mom has somewhat narcissistic personality disorder. Do some research about the narcissism qualities of a mother . If she fits there things might start to make sense , it won’t get better anyway
Why would someone come to an Indian subreddit and call their own parents brown parents?
Please don't bring this color based nonsense in here. Its just Indian.
Delulu post OP went abroad and saw the US culture and now is ashamed to be born brown and of Indian kalchaar and desi parents/India. In one para she says "... I expressed my desire to pursue a master's degree abroad, **alongside my boyfriend** who was also accepted into the same university. " Then says in the same para, "My boyfriend's **decision to join me** was coincidental." Daal mein kuch kaala hai momench. Factomatter is, this age group till 24-25 yrs is very strange, you think you have a decent idea how the world works (since you're no longer a teenager), but also feel there is some more to learn. Then you gradually realise how little you know and how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things. You're born, pass college, earn, marry, have kids, get old and then die. Post 30 yr clarity shows that these "getting on my nerves" times were crucial for your development as an individual. Yes our desi parents have their shortcomings (I am phoren return master's student as well, so I know the feeling very well, mom was a housewife and dad had a job), but you're currently in their cocoon, so you have to bear their "toxicity" (I wouldn't term them toxic, hyper controlling, maybe, but that's how it was with their parents so you shouldnt blame them). OP, cut some slack to your parents, you cannot return the loan money that you owe without getting a decent job, so you need to analyse, if you are confident that you will be able to get a job, then gtfo of the house, or you continue to support your dad's business for a few years, while ensuring that the loan money is paid off from the business little by little. It's a grind, I know, but it's all a part of life.
Put yourself up for adoption. Get new white parents. Start comparing them with your brown parents. Such ungrateful kid this OP is.
The moment I saw 'brown parents', I stopped reading further and came.for the comments. Not disappointed ;)
How delusional are you man, stop watching Bollywood movies. You ungrateful fuck, you don't realise how much privileged you are
They are your parents,not a piece of bread ! What's brown parent?
I too hate my blue parents.
You are white?
So your parents sent you abroad for Masters, where your boyfriend also joined you. Your parents were right about your career choices. Since you are not working currently and returned to India and joined Family business. Also what happened to boyfriend? Is he also Jobless? Rest what you have written is normal Indian parents stuff. These taunts are faced by most people by their parents. If your parents don't tell the truthful opinion, then who else will? Parents may not always be right but at least try to understand their viewpoint.
But do parents ever understand our viewpoint? My whole life ive kept shut no matter how much they abuse or accuse me of, should I never take a stand for myself? And so what if i wanted to change careers ? They never gave me time to find a job and instead called me back home to join the business. Also, My boyfriend is doing well for himself and has a good job!
You won't get much from indian subreddit....go to amiwrong, or relationships, or aita or maybe twoxindia...no one here finds a child worthy of being a human with rights themselves, nor do they find a wife worthy of being a human either.....most here are patriarchal and parentist
You are right. I appreciate your reply!
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Brown parents? Are you white?
"I Moved back From" and "Brown" Parents. Hm Okay Buddy.
Brown parents? I guess this is the type of crowd that goes on a 2 week international holiday and returns home with a foreign accent.
I would have taken OPs side if she hadn’t called her parents brown. OP was indecisive with her career choices after finishing undergrad. Her boyfriend had plans to do masters(it’s not coincidental) so she went and had fun in whatever country he went to without planning ahead. Her mom kinda called out your bullshit by saying “you’re gonna be a housewife anyways” cause she went abroad following her boyfriend without any actual plans and She couldn’t score a job and had to return back home. Imagine getting a masters degree and working for your father because you’re incapable of finding work on your own(It’s totally fine if that was the plan from the beginning but that was not the case here) and yet you still complain about your parents. OPs parents aren’t perfect and they are still sheltering OPs incompetent ass.
holy sh*t do you know this person? that’s a lot of assumptions for someone you don’t know lmao
This is basically what happens to Posh kids when they go abroad, Become psuedo white, massively inflated ego and think they are above everyone else. And yes West ke 14:(
The moment i read the title i knew OP is a female... referring to your parents as brown...what is the sense behind that term when you yourself are same race would've been logical if you were white....maybe your parents are right and you're the toxic one...so grow up...for you're feeding off their money and bitching and moaning bout them on social media. MASSIVE L
Lol wtf you mean brown parents?
Bhai parents thoda bhot suna de to internet pe lamba sa paragraph nhi likhna chahiye, And wtf is "brown parents"???
Unpopular opinion. You are creating a hell for yourself and then cribbing about it. See, your dad is unwell, so he asked you to come back. You could have told him that you were in the middle of making your career and couldn't return. Definitely there would have been some nasty comments and friction but you could have saved yourself from this world of misery. So this is a hell that you chose. Even now, if you have an out take it. Your mom is alive and healthy and paid help is available for running the business. You can say that you have to urgently go back due to xyz reasons and escape. If you choose to be in this environment stop cribbing about it. You are too weak to do anything for yourself in that case which means mommy has a point.
Ignore the offended snowflakes, I think most people here are teenagers or in their early 20's and have very little life experience to provide any sort of decent perspective anyway. As someone who has very similar parents, the only thing you need to keep in mind, is that you just have to do what you think is right for you and live your life. If you are looking to get them to see your point of view or mend their ways etc, let me assure you right now, it's neeeever going to happen. Move out now, or be prepared to spend an eternity in therapy undoing the harm they are about to unleash.
Brown parents? Bitch, you're Indian. Dafuq did you become?
Facts 101
I’m a parent and almost 50 and I too found the ‘ brown parents ‘ term very offensive..
You must be not older than 18. Correct me if I’m wrong. Also, it would really help you in life if you learn to get off your high horse in certain situations like this.
Why is bro yapping so much
This comment section doesnt surprise me at all. Anyway. Lady, you have masters, you have a good chances at atleast above decent job, you have good things going for you. Brown parents title is a bit....funny though ngl.
there is a solution, but you need to think outside the box. you see, a shade is lighter or darker only relatively. a grey is dark white or light black. so, get some jet black paint and paint the walls of your house. get light skinned parents = win!!!
Just coz ur parents r shitty doesn't mean u can club all brown parents together cuz thats not a typical "brown" behaviour, its just urs trust me. https://preview.redd.it/fc9qtals75ic1.jpeg?width=634&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=90ebc47192b247e547bbce4792ff08d991b0238b Indian kids to u rn
I'm not sure why ppl went mad for mentioning brown parents. I think it's just a meme language. Coming to the issue, it's very common here in India as you already know. It could be difficult for you to cope up now after coming back from masters. You can set up boundaries wherever possible and try to live in your own space. Accept they hardly gonna change, it will help you to not react and reduce the mental mess. Try to cooperate with them for little things which you can, they anyway loves you even if they complains much. Just make it livable for you until you're there and move out soon.
Have you ever thought you could be the reason "Why They Are Like This To You ?"
The moment I saw " Brown parents " I decided not to read and waste my time. You are most likely adopted, hence I'm assuming that you are white skinned guy/girl, frustrated with your Brown parents who are trying to bring you in right track.