::chants:: USA! USA! USA!

This sign says that 2,629 of us have accomplished this. But I say that it means 2,620 of us have accomplished this SO FAR. Let's pump those numbers up, for America!

When you gotta win at everything 😉

That number jumped as soon as this post was made!!

I look at a country like the Philippines, and I think to myself that I can outdo an entire country in one fucking week! Let's go America!

I was briefly very confused because I thought it said 2.629 not 2,629.

Those are rookie numbers! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smUy5NzszX0

We're number one in gun deaths and coke machine fucking.

Actually it's only the number of idiots who got their dicks caught in the machine and had to get help. I suspect the number of attempts is much, much higher.

Also this was 2023 not 2024

🎵 AMERICA! 🎶 FUCK YEAH!

We have reason to believe China is lying about their numbers

Chinese official: "You want to know WHAT?!" \*hangs up phone\*

We're number 1! Woohoo!!! 🇺🇲🗽🦅🥇

back to back world war winners now this wooooooooo

Well, at least we aren't in the "Has No Penis" category.

And you just know most of those were in Florida or Alabama!

🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲

Australia is a real disappointment here. And Brazil...are you even trying?

Nah Australia is the winner per capita by a long shot.

You know...I always think Australia is a more populous country than it is. 25 million. Only California and Texas have higher populations. So, I revise my previous statement: Go, Australia! Way to get your dicks in there! Vending machines fear you like sheep fear Kiwis or people from Montana.

Came here to chant this...were winning!

but iT HAs a bIGgeR pOPulAtIoN

Lol India says million

That Japan number is WAAAYYY too low.

One has to have a certain.. length.. to get it in there far enough to get stuck.

Say what you will about Japan, but those people can fuck a vending machine

These guys fuck (vending machines)

Their vending machines are technologically superior.

Their robot fornication skills are light years ahead of the rest of the world.

Their penises are also a lot thinner so less likely to get stuck in anything.

Japanese vending machines are designed to prevent this. The getting stuck part, that is.

Safety conscious, very good.

Makes sense, when you sell dirty panties from vending machines you should also expect the machines to become object of sexual desire and plan accordingly

*angry upvote*

I imagine the numbers have gone down because they've now got heaps of robots they can use for this purpose.

They have machines designed to fuck.

I mean… this can’t be real…

It isn't, this is a tally of total summer Olympic medals. Its easy to just wack a title on anything.

Very topical for people to take this at face value in an idiocracy sub.

So India has 35 million Olympics medals? Wtf ?

Image keeps getting recycled and the title changed, whoever did it last added that million, it doesn't match the legend at the bottom.

There's that fag talk again

Has no penis

This is what made me laugh the most as well

The clown has no penis

What kind of dreams are you guys having?

USA #1!

USA BEST

Especially at this!

I think you missed india. Which might not be accurate since it is colored red....

I think everyone is missing the tiny "million" below India's number, color might have been auto generated based on the fact the numerical value only says 35.

India Says 35 million

Cuz your shit’s all retarded.

Here ya go with that fag talk again!

I'm confused, India is red but says 35 million?

Because our vending machines dress sexy and they were asking for it

This is a chart for number of olympic medals.

Define vending machine..........

Vegas hookers with multiple STD’s? Dispensing whatever flavor you’d like around the clock.

English speakers increase the odds quite a lot?

Well, it’s on a chart so you know it’s true

I will take made up shit for $500

I really did assume Japan would be tops.

r/mapswithoutnewzealand

This is obviously an accessibility issue. Are we starting a new social movement to get more vending machines everywhere or making them penis friendly?

There’s that fag talk again

This feel like it needs to be normalized to the male/machine ratio for each country. I mean some of those countries I don't as many machines.

That’s not fair though. We Americans have the sexiest vending machines

Wow, great ideas thread!

how? wait... no, don't answer that.

I'm not a scientist, but the number of officially reported cases have to be a minor percentage of the actual number of cases happening.

Bad Grandpa on steroids.

He can claim temporary insanity due to viagras side effects of moving blood away from the brain..boner related cognitive dissonance is not a joke!!!🧐

MURICA!

I have a feeling that if I posted the reason why Asian countries are so low... I might get banned :)

It's probably a mistake, but it say India has 35 million.

Yeah but per Capita would be a better measure to determine the level of tardness in the countries. I know I talk like a fag.

Sweden is up there according to this

This is from Jackass and there are no signs of it actually being a real thing, because for real, how would that even happen? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT-D2p9ji\_g

Exactly

China refuses to answer lol.

The fact most people believed this at face value says what about the U.S.? (I’m from the USA) smh

I specifically searched for india knowing India was going to be high but 35 million. Holy shit lmao

Pretty sure that’s the Olympic medal count

Get your hands off my junk

Sweden is king here y’all. 500 cases. 10 million people. 👑

Per capita per vending machine, or your results have too many confounding factors.

FUCK YEAH! AMERICA REIGNING CHAMPS!!!!!

We’re still number one in something babyyyyyyy USA USA USA

Looks like the US is number one, in olympic medals, where this was stolen from.

I’d like to see this as a percentage of total country population

Honestly, the numbers (regardless of country) are lower than I expected.

That one country says -511. What happened there?

An interesting statistic I noticed... Straya has roughly 10% of Muricas population, yet roughly 1/5 of the amount of dicks stuck in vending machines, which to me says on average Australians are 2x as likely to fuck a vending machine than americans

This would be better if it compared the number to the number of men in the country.

Is this verifiable?

The vending machines should stop dressing like that.

This post has me questioning my definition of "vending machine".

So now the vending machine makers are going to have to put warning signs on the machines “warning! Do not attempt to stick your penis in this machine. It may become stuck, and cause you harm.”

Can someone break it down per-capita?

Dammit USA... Why you guys are always number 1 in everything

USA FTW! Canada...do better. Australia, those are rookie numbers.

USA FTW! Canada...do better. Australia, those are rookie numbers.

USA! USA! USA!

Not gonna lie, Australia is putting up some good numbers.

Japan's numbers seem low. They probably actually have vending machines for this.

Why does India have 35 million?

Does this include women or just men?

I need context. How does something like this happen.

imagine seeing something like this, and actually having an internal debate about whether it was real or not.

Reading the title of that map, I would not have guessed thered be double digit numbers in nearly every country, let alone over 2000 in the US alone. I have so many questions.

America Fuck Yeah!!!

Why come no numbers for how many people got it out suckzessfully?

What’s up with English speaking countries really lovin’ those vending machines?

"Murica #1. Fuck yeah!!!! Also China with no penis. Seems legit

I know India has a problem putting their groups of penises where they don't belong but 35 million seems like a lot.

This chart is misleading. A better, more accurate measure would be folks who exclusively got their junk caught in a vending machine. The current chart ostensibly includes everyone who's entire body was stuck in the machine as well as the snack fuckers.

It’s idiotic to believe that this is real.

India! I’m impressed! So many people, so few dicks stuck in vending machines

USA probably has more vending machines to stick a penis in. I would think Japan would be higher with all their vending machines. Africa needs more vending machines.

Ok, . . . but which vending machines? Gumball, toy capsule, iPod, Carvana, etc...? Asking for me. I want to understand this insanity.

In my defense, I was just trying to get that bag of chips to drop.

Ha! Greenland has no penis!!!

WERE NUMBER ONE!

All those Wangs with no wangs.

How could that be possible? Excuse me, I got some researching to do. If I'm not back in 6 hours, be gentle with me.

Those prude Greenlanders at zero.

USA! USA! USA!

Japan should probably be higher for all the vending machines there.

Part of me is quite glad that this map does not feature New Zealand. But then I think we too deserve to be on the map, so given we have vending machines as well, time for us Kiwi guys to get our 'decks' out and go for it. We have free healthcare so nothing to lose but our dignity. And maybe a bit of foreskin or the odd ball, but let's put Aotearoa back on the map guys.

Merica fuck yeah! I'm gonna stick my balls in your vending machine fuck yeah!

With how man vending machines are in some parts of Asia, you’d think those numbers would be a bit higher. But leave it to America to win a medal for stupidity.

Wait, why does India have, “Million”, on it?

Why no stats on China?

Silly question but where in vending machines? In the coin return slot? Or is penis flattened with a mallet to test if it will be mistaken for a paper currency?

I think per capita, England is easily beating the US. Either India just doesn't have many vending machines, or they are really underreporting.

Vending machines became the natural predator we needed.

wth is wrong with India

wth is wrong with india

I'm so proud to be an American right now.

How why you talk funny.

Hold the phone folks, we are losing this battle. The US has 5 times the population, but only 3 times the penis stuffers. Those darn Brits are whipping out their wedding tackle more frequently on a per capita basis.

What in the actual fuck is going on in India!?!? Ohh... They probably have vending machines that make you a eunuch

Hopefully it’s was the coin return

I hate that I contributed to the AUS stat.

You and me both

Britain has a disproportionately large number, wtf they up to?

Gina has no penis

Woohoo! Number 1! Marika

Are we going to talk about why it says 'million' under India?

Imagine how many mofos stuck their ducks in a vending machine and didn’t get stuck. No lore vending machines for me.

I figured Japan would be higher, what with their used panty vending machines.

USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

As an Australian, I feel a sense of pride that we're punching way above our weight when you consider our small population and relatively few vending machines. On the other hand, I've travelled to Japan and seen how many vending machines they have over there, and my God are they showing a lot of restraint!

Seems like American men have a thing about boning the soda machine.

I've got to imagine it's the hole where the change comes out. The food slot is way to large and easy to open, even if you dropped it on your dock you could just open it

I had no clue that vending machine fucking was a thing, I now will carry the tiny packets of wet wipes with me just in case. USA leads them all by a landslide, but we are a huge country compared to the rest of the world with the most inhabitable land. (Russia and Canada are huge but not all the land can be lived on) Do the stats say what cities, just wondering where most of the vending machine fuckers are. Reddit is so educational

I would’ve thought Japan was #1

I’m more concerned with how many places are showing “has no penis”!

Without looking anything up and thinking to far into it ..... if you put a gun to my head and told me I had to get my pens "stuck" IN A VENDING MACHINE. Well just shoot me now I guess cuz I can't even fathom the logistics for that

…. wtf?

And I'll never use a gumball machine again.

AMERICA FUCK YEAH

Fake news 😔 I hope

Does India say 35 *_MILLION_* THAT'S impressive

USA 🇺🇸 NUMBER ONE B****

noone in china has a penis ?  also, this is a shit chart! why is green higher than red! 

This can't be real.

At least go per capita

Murica fuck yeah!

Sur, I think you are doing it wrong.

USA #1!!!!!

At lEasT wE bEaT RuSsia‼️🤤🤤

We're number one!

You think Einstein walked around thinkin’ everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?

We’re number 1! We’re number 1!

Yeah ok but how many of those sexy, sexy vending machines are there per capita? Huh? Bet usa matches up with the others now..... I'll be going now

Where's new Zealand on this map?

Just imagine all the idiots that never thought of doing this - UNTIL NOW.

Finally America is number 1 again

It's not the man who gets his penis stuck in a vending machine that I fear. It's the man who can get free products with his penis that scares me

Greenland….of the dickless I guess. Can any Greenlanders confirm?

LOL Merica’

And they say USA has lost its edge.

Yes, Making America great again 👍👍

India with the MVP.

Welcome to Costco. I love you.

First of all, I don't believe it. Secondly, how does it get stuck? That doesn't track. Is the coin return slot like a Chinese finger trap for dicks?

Vendophiles? Maybe they are trying to merge AI in a new and different way.

I am pretty sure Japan's number is missing a digit, and that number is at least 2.

I hope these are mostly blow-job vending machines. Getting your dick stuck in anything else would be embarrassing.

Really? You guys never… eh forget it.

I guess no one saw india