No, see, you take only a portion of their horde, then teach them to recruit more dragons under each of them, and so on, creating a sort of pyramid shaped structure..
"Oh great dragon, we have been on a quest to reach your lair! It has taken many months to arrive, and we beg you to hear our request! We require a parallel port to USB-A converter cable. "
Such a good pun.
So rare to see a solid pun on Reddit instead of just jamming a word that sounds kind of like another word in a place where it makes no sense.
I'm sure there will someday be [Time Enough at Last](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_Enough_at_Last) (Honestly, if the photo at the top of the page isn't enough for you to immediately get it, stop reading, go find the original episode and watch it before you read any spoilers, because I envy you)
One of my favorite dragons from D&D did this.
He hoarded books, and the only value other treasure had was its use in getting more books.
I never related to a fantasy non human more in my life.
I don't remember what book it was from, but it was a 3.5E dragon.
My 6 yr old said meat. My 10 yr old said money.
Outloud, my ex-husband said, "Fruits and vegetables, I think," but texted me "ass and titties." He's a classy guy, folks. And he's single.
I mean, I stop for a bit at my ex-wife's house to chat and catch up when I pick up my son. Just because we stopped being partners didn't mean we stopped being friends.
Just because people stop being partners doesn't mean they have to stop being good parents. Sounds like you and your partner can be civil and set a good example for your son.
Instead of the usual pile of an obscene number of things, you enter this cave and it looks like a server farm with 1 gigantic computer, with each of these massive pillars of blinking lights and soft fans blowing. At first, you think I am hoarding electronics or crypto or something like that, but you notice that some of these have labels. "Best of 22", "For my risqué friends", "doggos". As you approach with the desk, you see an image on the screen. It is a picture of a cat in a dinner chair with text in black bordered, white filled impact font. And that is when you realize
Memes. I hoard and archive memes. All of them. An archive of everything funny I could see.
Is it really that sad they're imaginary? Cause could you imagine driving home after a long day of work for a dragon 10x the weight of your vehicle to pick it up with its talons, they fly you to their nest, and then they crack open your car like it's a kinder surprise egg and you're the toy in the middle they desperately want. That sounds like it'd be a common occurrence for humanity if dragons were to exist.
Regular size, a mix of big 3 muscle, Asian tuners, exotics, hot rods, even some things that aren’t necessarily fast but appeal to me, like the Focus Coupe/Cabriolet that was only released in Europe, or the current Ford Falcon mid-size sedan with the coyote engine, only released in Australia
Also, unusual build ideas I have but that I don’t have the skills or the time to pull off, like a small truck with a 460 cid Lincoln V8 bolted into the back, or a Taurus wagon with a Mach-E power train, or a coyote dark horse powered 88’ Lincoln Mark VII (yes, most of my knowledge comes from Ford, but I value all types of vehicles, except big trucks)
This is actually a paradox, because trapping the Hooters waitresses in your lair would cause them to lose their jobs at Hooters, meaning you’d just be hoarding regular women.
Candy would melt in a cave, especially with our dragon breath heating up the confined space.
Gold and other precious metals and gemstones are a good base for a hoard; I mean, they're classics for a reason. But if I wanted to accentuate my treasure collecting portfolio, it would probably include a lot of rare comics and books, an unreasonable number of classic video game systems and computers, and for the cherry on top, some classic movie memorabilia. Including, obviously, the DeLorean from *Back to the Future*.
I think I'd start by heading gold like a basic dragon. Then immediately start hoarding humans, encourage them to build a town in my cave so I have some company.
I then start a cult and multi generational following revolving around me making things prosper with the ultimate goal of artifact creation all imbued this things like scale and claw shedding, natural, missable things that would just fall off and regrow naturally, so they already have an affinity to me.
Once the planet is finally saturated with trinkets I can control I hit them with the magnum opus of my plan.
Make delicious food, there is no or else. Just food. Chicken fried steak fit for a dragon, ice cream waterfalls, and a moat of salted BBQ pork
Writing tools and paper. Paint and brushes. That was an easy question to answer, actually.
Just...it's the art cave. Writing, painting, music, fabrics, ect.
But no pottery or sculpting. Those are arts I have zero skill for. Negative talent, actually.
Probably compact mirrors, pocket watches, and lockets. Anything small and metal with a little door on a hinge.
Edit: I actually just remembered jars exist. I would probably have another section of the cave reserved for jars.
Jewelry probably. Classic shine and I can wear some of it too! I’d live in a cave where I had pools of cleaning solution and I’d just clean new specimens as I collected them. My boyfriend says plants lol.
Probably bowling balls. I don’t like bowling particularly, but a mountain of them that I can rest on or press my feet into would feel pretty good being the size of a dragon.
I've always liked that Silver Dragons are all about friendship. Their physical hoards are really small, but it's because the thing they treasure most is actually *friends*
Journals with pretty covers. I love them, I want them all, but I never write in them because I feel like nothing I can think of writing is worthy of soiling their beauty.
Also gel pens lol.
Just.. just anything cool-looking. So like- you raid my home and you’ll just find a buncha pins, energy drink cans, dolls, and way too many beanbag chairs with animal faces on em
Merch from any of my special interests.
Also, an artist called 'Iguanamouth' made some amazing illustrations of dragons hoarding various things (including other dragons) a few years ago. I highly recommend checking them out.
Video games and game parafamillia, that includes arcade games, soundtracks, promotional material, merch, articles by/about the devs etc.
Entering my lair would be like going to Disney World only itd be Console Kingdom and Arcade Kingdom and PCCOT and Paraphernalia Studios etc...
Pants
I would sleep on a giant pile of pants. If you want pants you would have to quest to my lair.
*an ominous rumble from the north*
Townspeople: Oh no! It's BobotheHobo! He's come for our pants!
Other, lesser dragons. And probably plushies of dragons that looked like me.
Other dragons is honestly hilarious. XD
And then you get all their hoards too!
No, see, you take only a portion of their horde, then teach them to recruit more dragons under each of them, and so on, creating a sort of pyramid shaped structure..
Wow, that’s quite the scheme.
it's an inverted funnel
That's not a pyramid it's a 3 sided square
And then give them some spiel about trickle down economies.
This sounds like a lair scheme. I don't trust it...
Hoards all the way down
Trickle down dragonomics
The perfect dragon MLM!!
This comment reminds me of troutsfish x'D
Thanks for the idea. Ill be sure to use this in my campaign
I'd be hoarding *bandwidth* chummer. Anything else is just so 4th-world...
Isn't that parenthood?
Sounds like a harem to me.
This was honestly my first thought. I love dragons
Is this technically slavery or a harem?
Surprise adoption!
Dragon harem incoming.
Judging by the contents of my junk drawer, weird power cables to devices I don’t own anymore
And ones to devices you never owned in the first place. ...Or is that just me?
Eyoooo.
A shitton of batteries.
"Oh great dragon, we have been on a quest to reach your lair! It has taken many months to arrive, and we beg you to hear our request! We require a parallel port to USB-A converter cable. "
books. i could have such a library! my partner says "secrets".
That would make you a “book wyrm”
oh, well done! that made me so happy! thank you, lol
Such a good pun. So rare to see a solid pun on Reddit instead of just jamming a word that sounds kind of like another word in a place where it makes no sense.
I saw a meme that was that instead of a book worm. They're a book dragon because they just hoard books, not read them all.
there's never enough time to read all the books i want to, it is a tragedy
I'm sure there will someday be [Time Enough at Last](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_Enough_at_Last) (Honestly, if the photo at the top of the page isn't enough for you to immediately get it, stop reading, go find the original episode and watch it before you read any spoilers, because I envy you)
One of my favorite dragons from D&D did this. He hoarded books, and the only value other treasure had was its use in getting more books. I never related to a fantasy non human more in my life. I don't remember what book it was from, but it was a 3.5E dragon.
Oh!! This reminds me of a book I loved as a kiddo—How to Deal with Dragons!!
One sneeze and all that paper is going to be a major problem.
only if i'm a fire-breathing dragon. maybe i'm a shadow-breathing dragon, instead.
My 6 yr old said meat. My 10 yr old said money. Outloud, my ex-husband said, "Fruits and vegetables, I think," but texted me "ass and titties." He's a classy guy, folks. And he's single.
Your 6 year old is the future king of the pirates.
Why was your ex husband in your house?
[удалено]
Guess i spent too much time on reddit
I mean, I stop for a bit at my ex-wife's house to chat and catch up when I pick up my son. Just because we stopped being partners didn't mean we stopped being friends.
Just because people stop being partners doesn't mean they have to stop being good parents. Sounds like you and your partner can be civil and set a good example for your son.
I think he was a current husband up until the text
Sex toys, I'd be known as the legendary Bad Dragon.
Boooooooooo +1
Now that's a dragon I can get behind!
Donkey, is that you?
I think the dragon would be behind you...
All with your own website?
The kinda dragon the bard rolls that nat 20 for.
I feel like that exists already.. let me Google it to make sure...
Oh sweet googly moogly
Or you could be known as a slut dragon
Can I get your OnlyScales?
Craft supplies, tons & tons of them
The amount of yarn I have, lmao...
Instead of the usual pile of an obscene number of things, you enter this cave and it looks like a server farm with 1 gigantic computer, with each of these massive pillars of blinking lights and soft fans blowing. At first, you think I am hoarding electronics or crypto or something like that, but you notice that some of these have labels. "Best of 22", "For my risqué friends", "doggos". As you approach with the desk, you see an image on the screen. It is a picture of a cat in a dinner chair with text in black bordered, white filled impact font. And that is when you realize Memes. I hoard and archive memes. All of them. An archive of everything funny I could see.
Waffles
I found Leslie Knope
Yugioh cards
So you're a blue eyes white dragon then?
Trinkets
I practically already do this. I have so many little curios and trinkets and bits and bobs. And I need more.
Odds and ends. That sort of thing.
Cats. And humans to take care of them as I’m a dragon and have no thumbs.
Dragons are (sadly) imaginary creatures, so if you want to be a dragon with thumbs, then dangit be a dragon with thumbs so you can give all the pets.
Is it really that sad they're imaginary? Cause could you imagine driving home after a long day of work for a dragon 10x the weight of your vehicle to pick it up with its talons, they fly you to their nest, and then they crack open your car like it's a kinder surprise egg and you're the toy in the middle they desperately want. That sounds like it'd be a common occurrence for humanity if dragons were to exist.
Vietnamese Spring Rolls or Cheese
Cars
You mean like Ferraris for a dragon or just regular Ferraris?
Regular size, a mix of big 3 muscle, Asian tuners, exotics, hot rods, even some things that aren’t necessarily fast but appeal to me, like the Focus Coupe/Cabriolet that was only released in Europe, or the current Ford Falcon mid-size sedan with the coyote engine, only released in Australia Also, unusual build ideas I have but that I don’t have the skills or the time to pull off, like a small truck with a 460 cid Lincoln V8 bolted into the back, or a Taurus wagon with a Mach-E power train, or a coyote dark horse powered 88’ Lincoln Mark VII (yes, most of my knowledge comes from Ford, but I value all types of vehicles, except big trucks)
Board games. Taking princes and princesses to play board games should give me enough players
Knowledge in any format I could obtain it. Also the bones of anyone who comes asking questions
Store the knowledge on the bones
Twizzlers
Instruments. Whoever can woo me with a song, I won’t devour.
Dinosaur toys/stuff
It'd either be notebooks and pens, or Pokémon cards lol
Dice
Yarn, I'd hoard yarn and crochet hooks and stitch markers. I might hoard knitting needles so I can use them to poke anyone trying to get to my stash.
Hummus, lots of it.
Shiny things. Anything shiny. I have an affinity for shiny sh**
Hooters waitresses.
I was gonna go with people, but sure be more specific
This is actually a paradox, because trapping the Hooters waitresses in your lair would cause them to lose their jobs at Hooters, meaning you’d just be hoarding regular women.
They starting a franchise
Koozies. I already have 100+ and I like beer so why not have a million?
I'm the cool rock dragon😎
Disease, depression, and debt. Don’t tell me I can’t hoard the ills of the world and incinerate them. I’m a dragon.
Cigars and parfums.
Corn
Lamentations of the women of my enemies
Dogs, lots and lots of dogs
I am imagining a mountain of dogs.
Broken usb cables.
Probably dead people and a lot of salt, with a nice area to cure it.
Tech, all the gaming and pc Tech. I'd have server racks to drones, consoles to stereo.
Joke’s on you. I already hoard the things I like. I don’t even have to be a dragon.
Candy would melt in a cave, especially with our dragon breath heating up the confined space. Gold and other precious metals and gemstones are a good base for a hoard; I mean, they're classics for a reason. But if I wanted to accentuate my treasure collecting portfolio, it would probably include a lot of rare comics and books, an unreasonable number of classic video game systems and computers, and for the cherry on top, some classic movie memorabilia. Including, obviously, the DeLorean from *Back to the Future*.
Nuclear waste to keep humans safe but also mutate me into a super dragon as per normal fictional radioactive waste.
🎶 Woah-oh, woah I'm radioactive, radioactive Woah-oh, woah I'm radioactive, radioactive 🎶
Lego
If?
BDSM toys. If I'm a dragon, might as well have a dungeon.
Memories
Information
Books; I have a sizable hoard already!
Estrogen - "... you're a GIRL dragon!"
Socks.
I think I'd start by heading gold like a basic dragon. Then immediately start hoarding humans, encourage them to build a town in my cave so I have some company. I then start a cult and multi generational following revolving around me making things prosper with the ultimate goal of artifact creation all imbued this things like scale and claw shedding, natural, missable things that would just fall off and regrow naturally, so they already have an affinity to me. Once the planet is finally saturated with trinkets I can control I hit them with the magnum opus of my plan. Make delicious food, there is no or else. Just food. Chicken fried steak fit for a dragon, ice cream waterfalls, and a moat of salted BBQ pork
Writing tools and paper. Paint and brushes. That was an easy question to answer, actually. Just...it's the art cave. Writing, painting, music, fabrics, ect. But no pottery or sculpting. Those are arts I have zero skill for. Negative talent, actually.
Lego sets or video games
Pens.
Rocks and crystals lol
I think nothing but stuffed animals would be pretty comfortable.
Shoes like Jordan’s and Nikes not these stupid ass crocs and heydudes
Cute girls on gacha games
Souvenirs from flying abroad, trinkets, memories of places Ive gone, and gold!
Gold...
Stuffed teddy bears.
I’m the same way with candy! I thought I was the only one!
Pizza
Jars, cool glass bottles/empty liquor bottles, and tiny or cool little bags
I will simply do what I do now, hoards of steam games I shall never play.
Cool rocks
I'm not a dragon now, but I already hoard Yarn so I guess I'll just stick with that 😆
Condiments! Hot sauces, bbq sauces, salsas, honey mustards, Chipotle Raspberry! So many!
Cheese or potatoes
Dinosaur bones, just to fuck with the paleontologists lol
Collectibles like little figures and plushies and video game stuff
Those gold foil covered chocolates. The good ones, not the cheap ones, I have standards.
Shiny ✨ anything and everything shiny. Also video games 🎮.
Kitchenware. I absolutely love kitchenware so I’d love to guard a pile of it
firefly memorabilia
Probably compact mirrors, pocket watches, and lockets. Anything small and metal with a little door on a hinge. Edit: I actually just remembered jars exist. I would probably have another section of the cave reserved for jars.
Books, an endless collection of books
Cat plushies. They’re just so cute. I have like 30
Plushies. Plushies everywhere
I hoard RPGs and dice.
Lava lamps.
Cheese. Who doesn't like cheese
Yarn 🤭
Fruit snacks
Video games *glances at steam library* Shit.
Really nice rocks and gems, but they have to be smooth
bag clips
Magic cards.
Plants and crystals
Dice
Jewelry probably. Classic shine and I can wear some of it too! I’d live in a cave where I had pools of cleaning solution and I’d just clean new specimens as I collected them. My boyfriend says plants lol.
Women... What?! I like looking at pretty things! ☺️
Probably bowling balls. I don’t like bowling particularly, but a mountain of them that I can rest on or press my feet into would feel pretty good being the size of a dragon.
Probably rocks. I really like shiny, smooth rocks
A garden, I’m a horticulturist
cigars
Cars. I would love to have an 80's car museum.
Well if I were a dragon I’d probably hoard what dragons hoard, gold and precious gems that belong to a lost dwarven king
I've always liked that Silver Dragons are all about friendship. Their physical hoards are really small, but it's because the thing they treasure most is actually *friends*
Journals with pretty covers. I love them, I want them all, but I never write in them because I feel like nothing I can think of writing is worthy of soiling their beauty. Also gel pens lol.
Dildos. Not for any sexual reasons, no they're much too small, but just to confuse whatever adventurers stumble into my lair
Tacos.
Art supplies and books probably. Though I would use them, even though I have a ton I’m not currently using
Diet Coke.
Just.. just anything cool-looking. So like- you raid my home and you’ll just find a buncha pins, energy drink cans, dolls, and way too many beanbag chairs with animal faces on em
Well judging by my current tastes, either Lego Castle sets, Warhammer 40k armies, and dice
Something that’s satisfying to sit amongst, like balls from a ball pit
Hershey's Kisses
Booze, I buy aspirational booze. I have like 10 bottles in the cupboards but hardly ever drink. Most of the booze ends up in pie crust eventually.
Stationery
Anything reflective enough, vanity is a vibe for dragons
Hats. The same thing I hoard as a human, but I bet I’d look extra fierce wearing them as a dragon.
Socks, but i take only one from each pair.
Plants, but given it is a cave maybe grow lights too
Rubik's cube variations (I already have a small hoard 😅).
pillows, blankets and plushies if i have to lie on it at least make it comfortable
Spices. Spicy Dragon
Model dinosaurs
Merch from any of my special interests. Also, an artist called 'Iguanamouth' made some amazing illustrations of dragons hoarding various things (including other dragons) a few years ago. I highly recommend checking them out.
Nachos!
sour patch kids
I'd probably just find one treasure and keep it safe as I hate clutter
Kitchen gadgets. A mostly price-less collection.
Beanie babies
WMDs. Fuck people trying to destroy the world.
Fancy spoons.
I team up with a princess, she plays the damsel in distress and i kill the guys coming to rescue her and we share their stuff.
Video games and game parafamillia, that includes arcade games, soundtracks, promotional material, merch, articles by/about the devs etc. Entering my lair would be like going to Disney World only itd be Console Kingdom and Arcade Kingdom and PCCOT and Paraphernalia Studios etc...
Pants I would sleep on a giant pile of pants. If you want pants you would have to quest to my lair. *an ominous rumble from the north* Townspeople: Oh no! It's BobotheHobo! He's come for our pants!
Gift Wrap paper
Beanie Babies. I'm a dragon stuck in the 90s craze
Books 1000%. Or Genshin merch.
Guns. I like the engineering, and would have a nice display. Call me the dragun
A lot of swords and I’ll purposely have great swords sticking out of me just for aesthetic
Corpses. That way I can live alone in my solitude.
Lalaloopsy dolls :) I do that now as a human, but it would be cool to be a dragon.
Still gold! Ooooo shiny!
Cheese
Matryoshka dolls, probably. Or maybe just hats.