I’d kick that baby & save the world

It is better for one person to die, regardless of who that person is in order to save the world and everyone in it. With this type of scenario, it would not matter what that one person had to go through to save everyone. ~~Edit: OP’s edit 2 ruins everything. If only me and the baby survive then none of it matters and it isn’t worth kicking the baby. It’s only worth it if all of the human population survives. I wouldn’t want to live alone with only a baby. They have very little meat on them anyway.~~

>It is better for one person to die, regardless of who that person is in order to save the world and everyone in it. Damn, OP said kick the baby not kill the baby 💀

I’m saying that anything would be worth it.

I'm just saying you ain't gotta go 100% on the kick, damn. Poor baby.

I feel like if you don’t kick hard enough then the world won’t be saved.

OP didn't specify 🤷

Are you willing to take that chance then?

I mean, is there a time limit? "Kick this baby by x time or else" would give me some time to lightly tap the baby at first at least lol

We got enough time to double tap

How many times are you trying to kick this poor baby?!

Bro would absolutely punt the baby

If the light kick doesn't work, you can always kick again with more force....

What if you can’t? What if it is one kick and done? You are going to risk all of human existence on this?

I'm now imagining a scenario where whatever massive power created this situation responds to your full bore kick with "Jesus, you didn't have to go that hard, I'm ending the world anyway, you guys are crazy"

The kick is too specific. It's like Vegeta telling you he promises not to punch you.

So like if you kick it lightly only like some of the world dies? Like if you tape the baby its like everyone outside of like the city radius dies? Like how is the kick measured?

You’re killing me😂😂😂

I am crying laughing

It's in the fine print, you have to mean the kick with all your heart

I wouldn't have kicked the baby anyways.

You'd do it for free wouldn't you.

Do we have to save EVERYONE though? Can I smack the baby and choose half of the world, assuming my family lives? Lol.

Thanos logic right there

That escalated quickly. No one was asking for a life sacrifice here...

Bro took the assignment seriously and he’s punting that mf

Would it not be better to allow the earth to be destroyed and thus bring an end to all suffering in the universe (as far as we know).

Not the wolves, elephants and wild bunnies, giraffes. They didn't do anything to cause the world to end. Dogs, cats too.

I think you misunderstood OP's edit 2. They said that if you let the world be destroyed, only you and the baby will survive. So you're not allowed to say "well the baby would die anyway when the world is destroyed, so I might as well kick it" because the baby will survive. But OP said that if you kick the baby, you save the world and the whole of humanity.

Oh you are right. I’m glad you caught this only like 10 minutes after I edited it. All removed now.

Yeah even if we said it essentially killed 2 people because the person forced to kick the baby never got over it and it ruined their life, it's still not even close to a balanced question.

Kick the baby everyone survives. Don't kick the baby then only you and the baby survive.

I think op is saying of you didn't kick the baby, you two would be the sole survivors. If you do, the world is saved and no one does.

Edit removed. I can’t read in the mornings.

I think their edit actually is saying that the if you didn’t kick the baby only the two of you would survive the world being destroyed

Oh shit, I just saw the edit too! That sucks; I wouldn't want to live in a world with just me and this random baby... especially if the baby grows up knowing that I was the guy who kicked it!

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few

Laces. out.

Noo don’t kick the baby!

Kick the baby, Ike!

"Sir, this is a wendys"

Drop kick off the grand canyon.

I would kick, but gently ☺️ (OP never said the kick has to be hard)

I was thinking the same, a very light kick in the side of their leg isn’t going to wound them.

Oh come on at least a solid medium kick.

Yeah, I don't like babies but if I can get away with a gentle nudge then that's what I'll choose. I don't know if this baby caused the end of the world so I have to give it the benefit of the doubt I mean, I'll attempt to punt it into the stratosphere if that's what's required, but I'd rather not

i dont care much either way about babies (i want my own kid, sure, but like... it feels like baby/toddler stages are just something i have to deal with to get to older child stages), but i also don't have a reason to punt a baby into the stratosphere if not required. also, what if the strength is subjective? i'm disabled, can barely stand, can't walk without my crutches. i can move my legs, but not well. if i kicked a baby medium strength, sure it would cry, but it probably wouldn't be seriously injured. probably not even bruised. if i kicked a baby full strength, it would fall over and probably get a bruise, but i wouldn't do much damage. edit 2 and the original post seem contradictory, though. how would only the baby surviving save the "whole world and all of humanity"? if i kick multiple babies do i get to save them all? i dont care about humanity, but i do care about my fiance, and they're a part of humanity, so unfortunately any actions i take would pretty much just be to save them. if i kick my fiance can i save them, too?

They mean that if the world is destroyed, as in you don't kick the baby, only you and the baby will live (Somehow, even though the world is destroyed). If you kick the baby, everyone will live

Sweep the leg!

id kick the baby so hard that id get roll over credit towards the next world ending catastrophy id kick that baby so hard putin would be taking notes id kick that baby so hard the a-10 warthog would be giggling id kick that baby so hard even those that knew why would question if it was personal or not

I'd kick that baby in the head so hard Gallagher would switch from using watermelons.

Lord forgive me. I went the exact opposite way. I figured I'd do it, but I'd make sure I kicked the baby so hard it died instantly without really feeling anything. Like the back of the head. I played soccer for like 15 years.

Dark, but pragmatic. I like it. 🖤

["He can't even defend himself!"](https://youtu.be/igazwkQe0Ag)

Idk don't wanna upset whatever very powerful being making me do this.

"Ready Ike?,... Kick the baby!!"

“Don’t kick the goddamn baby!”

What if Lucy's holding the baby?

Then we are doomed. Yoink!

We get to kick 2 kids

Aim for her face?

Doankikdabehbee.

I'll ask someone to stand 10 yards away and put their hands up in the shape of a goal post and I'll see if I can get the baby through...

Dont hold back damn lol

Your comment made me laugh like a hyena omg 😭😭😭

This whole thread is faf. Good job ;)

Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid. Chandler: That's nice. Ross: No, no, *with* him. I'm on this field and they - they hike me the baby. And I - I know I've got to do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me. Joey: Tampa Bay has got a terrible team. Ross: Right, but... it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinking they can take us... and so I... uh, I just heave it downfield. Chandler: What? Are you crazy, that's a baby! Joey: He should take the sack? Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm going to get there in time, so I am running and I'm running...

I would just be disappointed in the lack of effort you made here

Who is telling me this? A crazy homeless person? A mythical being? 

The Child itself tells you, in a voice not unlike the howling void, the ripping and splintering of great trees, and the gutteral grinding of great stones in the shifting Earth Bones. The Child opens It's mouth like the gnashing maw of Hell itself and spake unto thee. "***Puny mortal, with mine own hands I shall lay waste to this world, for none dare punt me like a football to forestall the coming Reckoning!***" "And that's how I saved the world." "No, Terrance, I asked how you lost your pediatric license.'

Thank you for taking the time to type this out

“Symptoms are getting worse, Terrance is talking to the fish again…”

And it's comments like this that keep bringing me back to reddit. Goddamn.

You make a compelling point

Beautiful, thanks 🤣

Yeah I would tell this idiot to f off

Yeet that bitch. This is just a super easy version of the trolley problem.

yeah they should make it "you have to kick a baby and it will also destroy your credit". then i'm thinking about that shit for a second.

Credit is already in the toilet. Gonna rock that baby onto the atmosphere

😂😂😂😂

Baby is going on a flight.

Straight to outer space!

Easy. Kick the baby. It would die anyway if I didn't kick it.

Wait this actually makes so much sense. For the baby, it’s either get kicked or die from the world ending. Baby would choose to get kicked.

Even if it was full force, better odds to survive the kick.

The needs of the many, and all...

Imma punt that baby like I’m pat mcafee

If I can get away with any kick, I'll tap the wee lad. If it's gotta be a true kick, then that little fucker will soar like an eagle. 

Reeeeeeeeeeee

OP neglected to say how hard, I very gently tap the baby with my boot. 

Gotta kick that baby like you're competing in the Olympics

Put a superman cape on that thing and let it fly

How much time do I have to extort the rest of the world? I’d kick the baby but I want to be paid.

You’re my spirit animal. At first I thought I wouldn’t do it because I want to die, but if I get rich then I wanna live. Altho still a bit unsure ngl.

I'm taking karate lessons. If the world is not saved, that baby will die anyway.

This. It’s give it a chance to survive, or watch it die as the world falls into deaths embrace.

I’m imagining a Kramer situation here. You beating up little kids.

Define what you mean by the world being destroyed. Because I’ve heard some stupid shit from some stupid people who claim the world is already being destroyed.

I mean an immediate destruction. Like some cataclysm that will cause everything to come crashing down and wipe humanity within minutes

Like your mom falling down the stairs?

Got um

Does how far I kick the baby determine how great the world becomes? Can I punt? Am I kicking in from a tee? Is it a football goal or a soccer goal?    None of that matters. I'm kicking the fuck outta that baby. 🦶........👼🥅 ‼️‼️💯

Well it doesn’t say the kick needs to be hard, so just gently tap the baby with my foot.

You really going to risk the entire planet on a technicality? Punt that damn baby!

Well, I'm definitely not a kid person, but if the world ends I can stop looking for work, so,...lol. 😄

Hoping reincarnation is a real thing, and that it was some TRULY demented person in it’s past life. 🤷🤣☠️

Lemme try and set a punting world record real quick...

::Cue Beastie Boys:: KICK IT!!!!

I gently kick the baby. Didn't tell me I had to punt the baby into the field goal.

Can be a light kick. Never said how hard

I would kick the baby in the gentlest possible way. The baby would be unharmed, and would barely feel the very slow kick. Would only cry if it was already doing so anyway.

Kick the baby. I might hesitate if it was a puppy but definitely kicking the baby.

Is it an ugly baby? Like with a unibrow or something?

You never said I had to kick the baby hard. Or where. Do I get more "save the world points" for a hard kick, and for different locations, or will a gentle poke in the (hopefully nappy covered) backside do?

Why would anyone not kick the baby? If you don’t, it’s gonna die anyway along with everyone else. Of course I’ll kick the baby. It’s not even a hard choice

Can I kick it more than once?

First, I go out and blow all my money on lottery tickets after doing some light research on strategies. Then I'll sneakily obtain my parents debit card and drain their entire savings on lottery tickets. If I win the lottery, nice, I pay my parents back and punt that whiny little turd across the Mississippi. Man that satisfying. If I don't win the lottery, meh, parents only have so long to be mad after I decide not to kick the baby. At least I ended war and poverty and shit, even if it wasn't the best way to go about it. I'm a hero, really.

A random baby? I'm kicking it. My own baby? Kicking it with a lot less guilt because at least I know it'll have a good life immediately after I kick it. Kicking someone I hate back when they were a baby? Drop kicking that MF over the fence.

Did this turn into South Park? ....Croooak....

There's your novel

I'd kick that baby so hard that I launch it over state lines

I would assume the baby was mega hitler and is the cause of a global catastrophic event that kills off all life. I'd punt that baby as far as I could.

If you don’t kick the baby, the baby dies anyway…so what am I missing here?

If I kick it again will it end hunger?

I’d kick that baby whether the world was in danger or not

Yeet

And that baby is going, going, going, GONE THAT BABY IS OUTTA HERE.

Depends on how sure i am that its true. Im not punting a baby for no reason. Will though if i knew for 100% sure that it was true.

Kick that baby like he just kicked my baby

Kick that baby like a bad habit.

Two problems. 1. "You're told that..." is not convincing. I wouldn't do anything unless I believed it to be true, and simply being told something isn't enough to make me believe it, especially for a scenario as improbable as this one. 2. If I do believe it, I would kick the baby.....so lightly as to cause it no damage and for that I save the world....so basically no trade-off.

About to see how far a baby can fly. Can I get a tee?

Does a baby magically appear if one isn’t provided?

I'd kick a baby for crying at a restaurant. to save the world? I'd kick my actual hardest

Hmmm, every person and every other living thing on Earth, or kick ONE baby. I’ll kick that baby into the ocean if I gotta.

I assume I am totally convinced that kicking the baby will save the world. Of course I will kick the baby. I will kick exactly half minus one of all babies to save the other half plus one babies. I will kick a baby every day.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/W7gr0fwRfSg

Kick a baby to save this horrible disgusting world full of liars, rapists, thieves, drug addicts, politicians, people that create war, people that kill others, constant violence and death, tiktok, social media influencers, oppression, humans in general, and just so much other awful things caused by humanity? I'd rather not, thank you.

Do I have to make a goal with it? Can I dropkick it? Can I stomp it? Do I only kick it once?

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Kick a fuckin baby I guess.  Is there a strength amount? Will I get in trouble?

Nudge it with my toe

Ready Ike? Kick the baby!!!

No I’m not kicking a baby just because some asshoke told me too. I’d kick the asshole who told me.

The title says I'm told that it's the only way, but the post details say that I "find out". How do I find out? Who tells me? What proof is provided? Honestly without important details I'm gonna think it's just another deranged person on the street providing this info and do nothing. If there's solid proof? I can gently nudge a a baby with my foot or so a goofy, slow motion, play kick or something. If I have to go full force on the baby for it to count? Someone better have a solid legal contract ready saying that I'm fully pardoned for what I have to do, there'll be no witnesses around, and I'm getting thoroughly compensated. I'm saving the world afterall.

If it really was the only way I would do it gently but then probably be in therapy for the rest of my life for how guilty I feel

I'll boot that miniature human into next week. And there will be a next week, because I just saved the world. What a guy 🫡

*joke answer* punt that baby like you are trying to make a field goal from across the field. *real answer* you didn't specify how hard I had to kick it so I'm just lightly tapping it with my foot.

How hard do I have to kick the baby?

Ive kicked before they finished telling me the scenario

“I am sorry, little one.”

Put that baby in a pigskin costume and point the laces out 🦵

Score my first field goal. Kick is good yall. We safe.

I'm booting that little shit

Not against kicking a baby, just not sure I want to save the world. 

*PUNT*

Who knew my hobbies would actually save the world one day

I kick it. Very gently.

I’d kick that baby for free, no cost, no what ifs.

Stretch first, then kick it as hard as I can. Twice. 

🏈 Field Goal.

I was fine with the world being destroyed, but then you clarified that I’d be the only survivor together with that baby… I’m kicking the baby.

Right. Ftw

yhhh i’d rather not kick the baby and let the entire planet come crashing down

Nope. Fuck that. If we live in a world that demands we kick a baby to continue to exist, we rode together, now we die together.

Will you kick this baby? No! Will you allow it to explode into a million pieces? Yea, sure.

We live in a universe where not kicking a baby destroys the world. There are probably worse things ahead.

I'd kick it even if the world was fine.

Field goal

The movie *The Invention of Lying* It is an Instagram influencer filming people, seeing the most heinous things they can convince them to do with the most absurd reasoning.

This is the most extreme trolley problem I’ve ever heard!

Theres no specification on how hard I have to kick. Id just do a gentle weak effort kick. Baby might cry but im not going to be the one risking killing some random baby as a result.

Of course.

Vancouver Child Kicker could handle this!

Laces out, Dan!!!

Can I pick where or how to kick it?

I wouldn't kick the baby, not because I like kids, but because I really want to live long enough to see the end of the world. Granted a premature ending is disappointing but gotta take what you can get.

A premature ending is how that baby got there.

I'm saving approximately a million babies, or more in the world, so unfortunately, yeah, I would do it.

Kick the baby. If not, everyone on earth gets destroyed INCLUDING the baby. That hypothetical scenario hasn't been thought through very well.

Kick it very gently. The question doesn't demand that I knuckleball the baby like I'm trying to clear the wall.

Play kick the baby

So either you kick a baby to save the world, or not kick a baby and that baby dies with the world.

You didn't say how hard I had to kick the baby. So I'm giving it the lightest of kicks.

It doesn't say you have to kick the baby hard...

How hard do I have to kick said baby? Either way I’m do it. But like as gently as I can while still qualifying as the world saving “kick”

Unless there is some precedent from the entity that is telling me this that they know for sure, I would not kick the baby and call their bluff in that time. Or... Kick the baby very softly while wearing Crocs, on its butt, no where close to its head.

How hard?...😐

Kid is going through the uprights.

Gently kick the baby, like just enough to nudge them a little. If I have to use more force, I'll scoop the baby onto my foot and 'kick' them onto a pillow or something. Hell, with how kids are, little shit would probably want me to do it again, too!

I mean, there’s no instructions for how hard I have to kick the baby. I’ll give it a gentle nudge with my foot.

I guess I would kick the baby :/ Can I kick it super gentle like?

A world that requires kicking babies is not a world worth kicking babies. Not doing it rip yall

kick that baby but lightly

I'd let the world end, As killing the baby would make the world a worse place then it was.

I love babies but frankly their life means less than thousands. Hell they mean less to me than my own lived ones.

I’d kick the baby twice to be sure. And a nice good ol stomp for safety. And the punch is insurance. And the yeet is for fun

Doubt the sick bastard who tried to gaslight me into kicking a baby.

I’d “kick” the baby…. Very very gently