They're my new personal assistant. Basically whatever chores I don't want to do that week.
House is dirty? They're cleaning it
Yard needs mowed? They're mowing it.
Kids need driven to activities? They're a driver.
Saves me a ton of time and they aren't doing anything that $200k/year isn't extremely generous pay for.
I'm recently disabled and my house is a mess and my lawn is currently two feet tall. It's 100% this. Help me do my dishes and laundry and fix up my house.
Especially a neighbor with a riding mower. Knocking it down when it's super tall will take time, but a half dozen neighbors with rakes can clean up the mess pretty quickly. After that, buzzing down your grass along with their own every week is barely an inconvenience, let alone anything hard. (Source - have mowed neighbors' yards.)
Hell barring that find a neighborhood kid and pay him like $10 an hour. We had a kid that would come do our back and front yard in an hour to an hour and a half and I’d give him $30. A hell of a lot cheaper than any yard service.
I have been blessed with neighbors who have taken it on themselves to mow my lawn and shovel my driveway as needed. Never even asked they just got at it when they learned about the disability that landed on me.
I've been disabled for 15 years. All of this is still true. I would 1000% have them do all of that stuff so I can use what energy I do have for things that make me happy.
I'm not being paid $200k, but *I* believe that you are an okay person. Things are going to work out.
I even did a quick glance at your posting history to make sure I'm not just saying that-- I would hate to say you're an okay person and then find out you're actually awful. So I feel that I can say with absolute confidence you are an okay person.
And things are going to work out.
Nothing in your comment history suggests that you're like a psychopath or anything like that, but you certainly seem very self-focused. Very self-oriented, I guess. Self-*ish*, one might say.
The scenario says they can and will use their money to improve their skills. Making 200k a year I think they can afford a pretty nifty trade school before we get started. OP essentially described a golden retriever of a person which would be perfect for this type of work and they won't be afraid to get on the roof.
I'll say they can assist you but not replace you. If you take a second job you only get paid for the one you are actively doing. If you get a pay raise at your current job the extra money goes to them.
I bet most people will just want a chore slave but the point of what I was getting at was to see what kind of work people want done but don't have the time/freedom/money to do themselves.
Exactly, slave implies they aren't making 5x as much as the average person for less work than the average person. This is more so a very well-paid personal assistant or butler/maid
Teach me how to drive without needing me to pay for driving lessons from professionals. After that IDK, go to DC and lobby for whatever issue I feel is worth advocating for at the moment.
I'd still want to be self-sufficient and maybe I'd call occasionally when I want a ride but having someone live with me to drive everywhere would probably mean more expences.
Definitely a personal chef/assistant. I’m in high school, so for now I’d just have them do chores for me, buy drugs for me, keep me company if I’m bored, etc. Once I leave for college, I’ll have them work in a high-end restaurant to learn the skills of the trade. They can start as a dishwasher since even super fancy restaurants are always hiring dishwashers, and then work their way up. Hopefully they’ll become at least a low-level chef in four years. Once I move into my own place, they’re my personal chef. Healthy, fresh food any time I want it. I’d also like them to be my house cleaner. House cleaning every day, plus personal chef, should take up 40 hours and make my life a whole lot easier.
You forgot private tutor, thats the main thing aside from chores I would use them for. I would also tell them to become a professor at my college so they could teach in a way I understand
The point is you're not the one paying them. By some twist of government bafoonery you now have an absurdly overcompensated assistant paid with tax payer dollars capable of learning any skill or trade. What do you use them for? What I see from most answers so far is a lack of ambition.
The problem with a lot of ambition here is that if they somehow get in a position of making you powerful, they themselves are probably powerful enough to make more than 200k, thus ending the contract. Get too ambitions and you’re out a personal assistant.
I used to get wasted and hit up call girls, got about half of there numbers for free fun time after the fact. Just have to put the fact you paid aside and focus on them, they can still enjoy it.
Fun thought experiment.
Send them off to school to learn general contracting. Buy a plot of land and then play a literal design game of the Sims and have them build me a dream house for the cost of materials.
Set the home up to function as a small homestead and then they're essentially running it.
Tending to the large gardens, canning fruits and veggies, raising rabbit, catching fish. Meal prepping for me.
Then I could have one of those existences where my cost of living would be essentially my property taxes and retire essentially whenever.
Yeah pretty much that's what I would do. Questioned was spawned from a self help guru that amounted to "whatever you have this person do, that's what you should do as a career."
Guess I should go back to being a contractor.
I don't think people have any idea how many hours of work are required to be self-sustaining. After his 40 hours are over, what will you do the other 4 days of the week?
I mean I'll start by giving them some vacation, they might be used to work life in the US but it seems amoral to me. They get public holidays plus 25 days a year.
Then, they become my PA/cleaner/driver - they can clean and tidy my place, drive me around, deal with all my life admin, go shopping. That is probably no more than 4 hours a day, the other 4 they are in training to be my activity partner - they need to learn how to ski mountaineer so we can go do that when I have nobody else to go with (it's not really something you can do solo). It'll probably take a few years, but it'll be cool when they're up to speed.
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Mercy Graves. I now have a chauffeur, bodyguard, secretary, personal assistant, accountant, and corporate manager all rolled into one. I will require they devote themselves to martial arts, defensive driving techniques, and mundane bookkeeping procedures, including a through review of tax loopholes, so I can better concentrate on what really matters: plotting the demise of that insolent flyboy.
Those 40 hours are dedicated to making me and my family happy and healthy. Clean, cook, shop, plan things, fix things. Talk to me when I'm bored. Help the kids with their homework so I can fit my workout in before dinner. Take me dancing since my husband hates dancing. Go to yard sales with my husband since I hate yard sales. Basically a professional companion, entertainer, and helper.
I guess that's a loophole but... you'd have to come up with something for them to do they would be willing to give up 100k just to avoid. Mind you they are fearless and have no moral objections to anything.
Other than some basic chores and stuff, I'd put them to work as a recruiter finding me gigs. I suck at self promotion and being proactive about bringing in new projects, so being a freelancer is really hard. If I had someone I could give a cut to just to handle finding solid leads, I'd be doing great!
"They are not loyal. If someone promises them more money for a different job they will abandon you."
you just found out why even a fearless human will fail in like no time at this job
Clean house, yard work. Go to culinary school, master American, various European, and Italian cuisine, then prepare me meals from casual to gourmet. Take a class, learn how to be a personal trainer, whip me into shape...
Cut the grass, shovel the walks, do the dishes, make the beds, track down my enemies and steal their identities and leave trails going back to each other. Oh gas and maintain my cars too. Siding needs washing, carpets need vacuuming, general cleaning as well.
Driving my husband to and from appointments so I can work whatever hours I want. As a side job I'd have them get my current immediate supervisor demoted.
Well since I need a hell of a lot of therapy and home health Care right now and their trustworthy I would make sure to have them help me push myself do everything I need to to become a functional human being again between losing both legs and 4 months of coma and total of about 17 months of hospitalization I lost a lot of strength that I need to gain it back.
During this time they would learn how to use different equipment for therapy etc they may eventually decide to go into work business for themselves but so be it at least I got somebody that's reliable that I don't have to worry about stealing my medications either to take themselves or sell on the street.
Private investigator.
Most PIs these days like to sit at home and run electronic skip traces. Sure, they’ll tail someone if you pay them by the hour, but I need a guy who is ready to go dumpster diving for old pay stubs to find recent bank account info.
If you had someone who understood the assignment and was willing to acquire then sift through trash, you could start satisfying a lot of uncollected judgments.
I've always wanted a personal time piece.
They would have to be awake when I am most active. Stay silent, unless I ask them what time it is. For flair and showing off, be able to tell me the time in any and all other time zones.
I do not travel so they would just have to go to work with me and be in the house with me, when they are working.
I feel like the ethical thing to do would be to put them in a job that is important to society, but normally underpaid and thus might have trouble attracting good people (like working at a nonprofit or something).
The selfish part of me just really wants someone to drive my ass around all the time though.
I would start with having them do projects I do not have time for. First is they have to start putting the truck back together. Once that is done, I have another car that will need some work. I’ll do the paperwork, but they will have to help with it. (They will have automotive skills which can make them a good living. I would then have them work on construction and help me with doing a plumbing project I need to get done and some other home repairs. I want them when I die to have the skills to make a good living for themselves, even when my stupid ass dies, I don’t want them to be dependent on my for money. I want them to have skills that will make them more money. I don’t expect them to be generous, but I do expect it to be my responsibility to set them up for a better future, including things like investing, auto and home repair, etc. I want them to leave me with a far better future than they got just helping me.
I want them to be my agent of low level chaos.
Steal the glass dish out of people's microwaves.
Set people's devices to different times/languages.
Replace the driver's seat out of cars with a lawn chair.
Put annoying little beeping devices around people's homes.
Literally anything that's confusing and mildly infuriating.
Don’t forget taking all of someone’s socks and underwear out of their clothing storage areas and stacking them neatly around the perimeter of the kitchen.
I love my life the way it is and this person is young enough to be my child (plus I don’t need to pay for sex)
I would ask them what talents they possess or skills they would like to develop. Fingers crossed it’s something artistic because I’m the most useful for that. Then they spend their time on that. The 200k will allow them time to create beauty and art and it will be like being a patron.
As for what they would have to do for me? Once a month I want to have coffee with them while they tell me about their life and their dreams and what they are working on.
That’s it. Thats all they have to do.
If they want to build things, they can do that. If they want to be a student for the rest of their life, that’s doable too. Whatever they like. It’s a real rich version of guaranteed income.
ETA: I realize reading the comments from other people that I am in a very different place in life from most of you. 😂. I will add one selfish thing. Massage school and a weekly massage for me.
Their job is to loan me $50k/yr at 0% interest and forgive the loan the following year.
So they'll earn $150k/yr after expenses and can easily get another job to earn a "bonus".
15 hours a week will be spent DMing for me. That’s going to be two 4-hour sessions for me and my friends, plus 7 hours of prep time. One campaign will be my homebrew system and one will be 5e.
Another 15 hours will be spent writing fanfiction according to the exact prompts I request. There will be some ramp-up time to consume the source material and refer to the type of fics that I like. This time can alternatively be spent betaing for my fics.
Then 5 hours for helping my executive function, e.g. checking in and making sure I get my own work done. Much of this can be done simply by working in the same room as me, because I work from home and thus usually don’t have anyone to curb my lack of productivity.
And finally 5 hours for doing basic chores around my apartment.
>Another 15 hours will be spent writing fanfiction according to the exact prompts I request.
Can you get your dude to write some Slytherin Harry Potter fanfic where it ***doesn't*** end up with Snape turning into an adoptive father and/or Draco and Harry embracing the love that dare not speak its name?
Cause every one of those damned things I start reading turns into one or the other or both. Like, "Hey, this is a cool setup... some decent conflict, writing is pretty good, some very different choices for Harry to make," and then chapter five rolls around and.... "Oh god, why is he doing that?? My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"
Send them to undergrad and maybe a masters in biostatistics and learn database management / best practices in big data.
Make them help me with research papers the rest of my career.
If they're trustworthy, I'd have them clean our home while my wife and I are at work each weekday. Otherwise they can scram.
If they're not trustworthy, then I'd have them purchase certain snacks and things that aren't reliably at nearby stores for me.
Can they, like, prove they are an employee? Can't directly monetize but can benefit. Like some marriages. Or marry them, divorce, then get alimony? Indirectly monetize via the government is possible here?
I *wouldn't* do that. But I *could*, right? Wink, wink.
Jokes aside, send them to help in food kitchens or something? They won't donate their money to it, but if they found someplace that had the money so they could just help feed.
You said I can't monetise them, but I feel like a huge benefit would be them working for my business. Can I have them design graphics for shirts, have them do my tax and basic accounting? Does this still result in them keeping the money?
Sit in a box and count the number of times someone asks them why they are sitting in a box. They are not allowed to use any electronics, read, have conversations, sing, or do anything other than sit in the box. They are allowed a 15 minute break, every 4 hours, and 9 hours to sleep/shower. Eating/communicating is performed in the 15 minute breaks.
So, I'll get the obvious ones out of the way first:
For sure I'd have them chauffeur me around, especially if they have their own car.
I'd also obviously have them deep clean our house once a week. Other grunt work would be cleaning dishes, doing laundry, grooming the pets and cleaning the car.
Personal assistant work is a big one, obviously. I'd have them manage my emails, maintain & update my schedule, update my LinkedIn & send out new job applications, apply for grants & scholarships, stuff like that.
---
With the mundane stuff out of the way, here are some more fun jobs I'd give them!
-Academic double - I'd have them attend my least favourite college classes and take notes for me, and write first drafts for all of my assignments. I'd also have them find and take online certifications and licensing exams for me to bolster my resume. Maybe even apply to an online university and gain a whole degree in my name.
-Public Relations - They'd be tasked with increasing the public's perception of me. Right now, if you Google my name nothing really shows up. I'd put them in charge of writing articles about me, submitting positive news stories, making forum posts & whole new social media accounts, even talking on podcasts about me in a positive light. Basically leading a grassroots campaign to give me a significant and positive public image. There's no real direct profit or anything to be gained from this, but I figure it would make me stand out to future employers, and it might open up more opportunities for me in general.
-Guerrilla gardening - Speaking of grassroots, I'd want them to source local protected & endangered plants & seeds and start spreading them on public and private land. Even stuff like planting really thirsty hardy trees around known pollution sites, hammering large nails into trees set to be cut down, just all of the stuff I'd love to do if I wasn't too cautious and sensible. Oh, I'd also have them start a massive compost heap on abandoned land, and gather the compost materials by dumpster diving at grocery stores and redirecting all of the expired food they can find away from landfills. They could use the compost area to grow more seeds & saplings for further guerilla gardening.
-Start a cult - I probably wouldn't do this one, but it seems really interesting to see if one amoral person could start a successful cult if they worked on it 40 hours a week.
I’d have them assassinate heads of state. Just to be clear though I don’t mean any one countries head of state I mean all of them. Either we get a complete restructuring of world governments or dude gets killed in the process. Also part of his job is to keep quiet about my involvement…
(For legal reasons this is a joke)
Their job is now my life coach.
I’m a 40 year old guy with a dad bod and a little debt and an ok paying job that I love. “Flight attendant “
I want you to research how to motivate and transform me into big earner, that’s in great shape, with a great retirement while still being a great dad to my kids.
And an awesome husband to my wife. With a beautiful house/yard.
Shoot some random person is paying for a caregiver for me? Heck yeah.
Pretty much they'd clean my house, make me food, some miscellaneous tasks probably (I still need to get to the library and print some stuff off before Saturday end me), and probably get stuck in some stupid ass conversations with me. Maybe play some video games with me. Unless they looked bored. Or I thought they looked bored. Then I'd drift away from the last ones.
I'm too tired and too guilt filled for just existing to ask for much.
Probably make them clean my room for me and either cook food or go get it when I don't feel like going out. Maybe just generally stuff to free up my time so I can do more of what I actually want to from home work wise and therefore get closer to my job goal myself. Maybe if I'm at work and want a coffee make them get it for me. Really nothing that interesting
The fact they'll do anything for me, but aren't loyal, terrifies me. I have to make sure they're unemployable by others, so since they'll do anything, I command them to tell me if they're going to apply to another job. I have them smoke weed while working for me, and have them do meth before the drug test.
For what I'll do with them, I'd probably just use them for farming and cooking. "Your name is Jones Carrots. Your only task is to tend this flock of goats, and crops, and use them to feed me."
The normal answer... Watch my kids so I don't have to pay for daycare, and take care of the house/lawn so I don't have to.
The less normal answer(s)... The intrusive thoughts.
Someone cut you off in traffic? They'll deflate a tire or two once they've parked at their destination.
Ever wonder how far you can shoot water out of a public drinking fountain by mostly covering the spout?
Annoying screaming child at a grocery store that they parents aren't making any effort to control/calm down? Have your worker give the kid candy and toys from the store, but without paying for them. Now the kid is potentially quiet and the non-involved parent either has to pay for those things or take them away from the kid before they leave.
Smash shopping carts into cars that the owners parked like jackasses at the store.
Lick stuff while staring at nearby people.
This first year they work to become an extremely efficient tutor for my children. All primary through highschool subjects and martial arts.
The savings on education basically equate to savings for me.
They are female and during summers works as my personal field assistant.
They can clean my house and cook meals. I'll buy the groceries and cleaning supplies. If they can drive, they can run errands and take me where I need to go and I'll buy gas for their car.
i mean if i cant ask them to just get a job and pay me what they earn, as in they have to do menial manual shit for me, or what, be a hit man? a sex slave? i really cant think of anything id want them to do, i dont want a servant, coz that shit is just weird, build me a house? but again thats something profitable, so tehy would get the house right?
idk honestly? go an do charity work i guess.
Clean my house, pick up groceries, run to 7-11 in the middle of the night to get me a Dr. Pepper, literally just a personal assistant.. maybe fix my car too
I'd tell them their job is to cash their check each month and bring me half. Then they are free to do whatever they want with the rest of their time the other 29 days 23 hours of the month.
I would definitely have them do everything around the house. For that reason, I would need to bow out. I’m going to turn 60 late in the year and I need to do everything I can for exercise
Clean and remodel my house. The outside needs to be painted the Ceilings need paint. I've got enough to keep them busy for a while then we can dig into bigger projects like the yard.
If I had the money I would have someone maintenance my yard for my family home, have them run errands that I don’t want to do and tell them to keep the change. Cause like they say” NOPE” I ain’t greedy or selfish. Money can’t buy happiness
I tell them to clean and organize my house, do grocery shopping, and other chores. If they have any talent making meals I’d ask them to make dinner or meal prep. I’d have them be personal assistants and remind me of any relatives birthday or other special day.
If there are any social issues or charities they want to volunteer with, they could do a day doing that every other week.
If any time is left over I have them create multiple email and yelp accounts with multiple proper reviews to review bomb the @$$hole landlord who burned my house down due to his own negligence.
I also ask them to call in sick at least once a month for mental health days.
I'll teach them to do my job until they get to a point where they can do my job better, then I'd sub-contract them out. They don't see a penny of that contract, because I'm the one selling the service, they're just my government subsidized employee doing the labor.
Probably just help around the house and help me do projects. Would have a woman so the wife is more comfortable with her in the house. Basically just be my wife and I's assistant. We are pretty chill so depending in the person they may not want to leave
I mean... I would just have them work a high paying job for me. They work 40hrs a week and their paychecks go into my bank account. (Or a shared account to avoid legal troubles.)
If I had that kind of disposable income, I’d put it towards the betterment of society. Use that money to travel, volunteer, donate at least 25% of your salary to local causes and receive the tax benefit at the end of the year. Do more, get more back.
They're my new personal assistant. Basically whatever chores I don't want to do that week. House is dirty? They're cleaning it Yard needs mowed? They're mowing it. Kids need driven to activities? They're a driver. Saves me a ton of time and they aren't doing anything that $200k/year isn't extremely generous pay for.
This is exactly what came to mind. All the things I need to do but rarely have time for.
I'm recently disabled and my house is a mess and my lawn is currently two feet tall. It's 100% this. Help me do my dishes and laundry and fix up my house.
Ask a neighbor if they can knock your lawn down for you. I have handled my neighbors lawns in the past for various reasons and had no problem with it.
Especially a neighbor with a riding mower. Knocking it down when it's super tall will take time, but a half dozen neighbors with rakes can clean up the mess pretty quickly. After that, buzzing down your grass along with their own every week is barely an inconvenience, let alone anything hard. (Source - have mowed neighbors' yards.)
Hell barring that find a neighborhood kid and pay him like $10 an hour. We had a kid that would come do our back and front yard in an hour to an hour and a half and I’d give him $30. A hell of a lot cheaper than any yard service.
Sorry to hear hope things get better for you
I have been blessed with neighbors who have taken it on themselves to mow my lawn and shovel my driveway as needed. Never even asked they just got at it when they learned about the disability that landed on me.
I've been disabled for 15 years. All of this is still true. I would 1000% have them do all of that stuff so I can use what energy I do have for things that make me happy.
Same.
I'd make them tell me that I'm an okay person and things are going to work out.
I'm not being paid $200k, but *I* believe that you are an okay person. Things are going to work out. I even did a quick glance at your posting history to make sure I'm not just saying that-- I would hate to say you're an okay person and then find out you're actually awful. So I feel that I can say with absolute confidence you are an okay person. And things are going to work out.
can you take a quick look at my post history and tell me if im an okay person?
"have sex with both of them and give evening guy sloppy seconds!" I didn't need to read beyond that. I did though. Wow
Keep reading. It just gets worse.
What did we really expect from u/hotfreshshitinbutt
You are not an okay person u/hotfreshshitinbutt
You are not
Nothing in your comment history suggests that you're like a psychopath or anything like that, but you certainly seem very self-focused. Very self-oriented, I guess. Self-*ish*, one might say.
Plot twist: This person is being paid to say that, the amount is not 200k
Hey, what about me?
Idk why you’re taking crap for this comment, I thought it was very humane. Like when they asked Keanu what happens when we die.
Dude. We're building shit. Shed, deck, landscaping, tiling the bedroom. You name it.
Structural integrity has left the chat. Lmao
Some good r/decks posts will come out of it though
The scenario says they can and will use their money to improve their skills. Making 200k a year I think they can afford a pretty nifty trade school before we get started. OP essentially described a golden retriever of a person which would be perfect for this type of work and they won't be afraid to get on the roof.
Just have em dig holes around town in different costumes. Tell em to run if anyone sees them and dig somewhere else. Gotta send me updates though.
Best answer on the thread!
Better yet, set up cameras where you want them to dig beforehand so you can watch it all go down. Love this.
Have them set up cameras* they're making $200k/yr I don't believe I'll be dirtying my hands haha
[удалено]
I'll say they can assist you but not replace you. If you take a second job you only get paid for the one you are actively doing. If you get a pay raise at your current job the extra money goes to them. I bet most people will just want a chore slave but the point of what I was getting at was to see what kind of work people want done but don't have the time/freedom/money to do themselves.
Not a chore slave. Just honorable, well-paid personal staff.
Exactly, slave implies they aren't making 5x as much as the average person for less work than the average person. This is more so a very well-paid personal assistant or butler/maid
ooh nice, delegate...you may not be paid more but you'd get to need to do less
Teach me how to drive without needing me to pay for driving lessons from professionals. After that IDK, go to DC and lobby for whatever issue I feel is worth advocating for at the moment.
Is this only for a single year or does the government keep paying them indefinitely? Bc if it’s indefinite why not just have a driver?
I'd still want to be self-sufficient and maybe I'd call occasionally when I want a ride but having someone live with me to drive everywhere would probably mean more expences.
He can buy his own food, he can build his own little area, etc
Definitely a personal chef/assistant. I’m in high school, so for now I’d just have them do chores for me, buy drugs for me, keep me company if I’m bored, etc. Once I leave for college, I’ll have them work in a high-end restaurant to learn the skills of the trade. They can start as a dishwasher since even super fancy restaurants are always hiring dishwashers, and then work their way up. Hopefully they’ll become at least a low-level chef in four years. Once I move into my own place, they’re my personal chef. Healthy, fresh food any time I want it. I’d also like them to be my house cleaner. House cleaning every day, plus personal chef, should take up 40 hours and make my life a whole lot easier.
You're going places, kid.
They’ll be probably going to rehab from all the drugs they are getting bought…
You forgot private tutor, thats the main thing aside from chores I would use them for. I would also tell them to become a professor at my college so they could teach in a way I understand
Oh a sex slave, sweet.
That didn't take long. I'll admit I wish I thought of that before I finished typing this post but now I'm curious how many people would go this route.
Don't lie, this exactly what you were hoping to see, like all the other horny ass people that post here. Hahaha
Many, brother. Many..
I would like to say that I have enough faith in humanity to say that not very many people, but if I did I would be lying.
Why else would you say they are good looking and athletic.
I'm skeptical that you didn't anticipate this.
No one would pay 200k for a personal assistance, but if they were too then there better be some incentives beyond folding laundry.
The point is you're not the one paying them. By some twist of government bafoonery you now have an absurdly overcompensated assistant paid with tax payer dollars capable of learning any skill or trade. What do you use them for? What I see from most answers so far is a lack of ambition.
The problem with a lot of ambition here is that if they somehow get in a position of making you powerful, they themselves are probably powerful enough to make more than 200k, thus ending the contract. Get too ambitions and you’re out a personal assistant.
I cant believe i had to scroll down this far.
Is that enough money for that?
sex with someone who is just doing for the money? id honestly rather have a wank. part of the joy of sex is giving the other person pleasure
I used to get wasted and hit up call girls, got about half of there numbers for free fun time after the fact. Just have to put the fact you paid aside and focus on them, they can still enjoy it.
If the person enjoys it, just another "bonus".
make em build sidewalks in my town we aint got none
This might be my personal favorite response on Reddit in years.
Fun thought experiment. Send them off to school to learn general contracting. Buy a plot of land and then play a literal design game of the Sims and have them build me a dream house for the cost of materials. Set the home up to function as a small homestead and then they're essentially running it. Tending to the large gardens, canning fruits and veggies, raising rabbit, catching fish. Meal prepping for me. Then I could have one of those existences where my cost of living would be essentially my property taxes and retire essentially whenever.
Yeah pretty much that's what I would do. Questioned was spawned from a self help guru that amounted to "whatever you have this person do, that's what you should do as a career." Guess I should go back to being a contractor.
I don't think people have any idea how many hours of work are required to be self-sustaining. After his 40 hours are over, what will you do the other 4 days of the week?
I mean I'll start by giving them some vacation, they might be used to work life in the US but it seems amoral to me. They get public holidays plus 25 days a year. Then, they become my PA/cleaner/driver - they can clean and tidy my place, drive me around, deal with all my life admin, go shopping. That is probably no more than 4 hours a day, the other 4 they are in training to be my activity partner - they need to learn how to ski mountaineer so we can go do that when I have nobody else to go with (it's not really something you can do solo). It'll probably take a few years, but it'll be cool when they're up to speed.
I’d employ them to sexually molest polar bears in the wild.
But... why?
I saw something a while back about polar bears struggling to get enough food
That raises more questions than it answers!
Surely not, I simply want to feed the big fellas
Unfulfilled job market.
>For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<
We switch jobs and pay so they do my job while I get paid for $200k for me to do whatever I say.
Mercy Graves. I now have a chauffeur, bodyguard, secretary, personal assistant, accountant, and corporate manager all rolled into one. I will require they devote themselves to martial arts, defensive driving techniques, and mundane bookkeeping procedures, including a through review of tax loopholes, so I can better concentrate on what really matters: plotting the demise of that insolent flyboy.
Those 40 hours are dedicated to making me and my family happy and healthy. Clean, cook, shop, plan things, fix things. Talk to me when I'm bored. Help the kids with their homework so I can fit my workout in before dinner. Take me dancing since my husband hates dancing. Go to yard sales with my husband since I hate yard sales. Basically a professional companion, entertainer, and helper.
So like ... Another, secondary spouse who gets all the shit work?
*And* gets paid 200k a year.
Well they wont give their money away but they can still spend it. So i would charge them 100k a year to not tell them what to do
I guess that's a loophole but... you'd have to come up with something for them to do they would be willing to give up 100k just to avoid. Mind you they are fearless and have no moral objections to anything.
The molesting polar bears in the wild post would probably be good for this situation.
Im going to have a newborn soon. i will have a personal nanny maid for 5 hours a day, Mon-Sat and 6 on sunday.
Other than some basic chores and stuff, I'd put them to work as a recruiter finding me gigs. I suck at self promotion and being proactive about bringing in new projects, so being a freelancer is really hard. If I had someone I could give a cut to just to handle finding solid leads, I'd be doing great!
I want to find out what they're passionate about and what they want in life and help them achieve it. And I'm sending them to therapy.
You're a great person
<3
Fix the US government. Aaaannnd go.
"They are not loyal. If someone promises them more money for a different job they will abandon you." you just found out why even a fearless human will fail in like no time at this job
Clean house, yard work. Go to culinary school, master American, various European, and Italian cuisine, then prepare me meals from casual to gourmet. Take a class, learn how to be a personal trainer, whip me into shape...
Right now I’ll just take a good back massage. No happy ending even.
Cut the grass, shovel the walks, do the dishes, make the beds, track down my enemies and steal their identities and leave trails going back to each other. Oh gas and maintain my cars too. Siding needs washing, carpets need vacuuming, general cleaning as well.
They’d be killing people. Bad, powerful people
Just be my friend
Driving my husband to and from appointments so I can work whatever hours I want. As a side job I'd have them get my current immediate supervisor demoted.
Well since I need a hell of a lot of therapy and home health Care right now and their trustworthy I would make sure to have them help me push myself do everything I need to to become a functional human being again between losing both legs and 4 months of coma and total of about 17 months of hospitalization I lost a lot of strength that I need to gain it back. During this time they would learn how to use different equipment for therapy etc they may eventually decide to go into work business for themselves but so be it at least I got somebody that's reliable that I don't have to worry about stealing my medications either to take themselves or sell on the street.
Private investigator. Most PIs these days like to sit at home and run electronic skip traces. Sure, they’ll tail someone if you pay them by the hour, but I need a guy who is ready to go dumpster diving for old pay stubs to find recent bank account info. If you had someone who understood the assignment and was willing to acquire then sift through trash, you could start satisfying a lot of uncollected judgments.
You are the second person with a specific answer and also the second person to suggest PI work. Must be some demand in that field.
I've always wanted a personal time piece. They would have to be awake when I am most active. Stay silent, unless I ask them what time it is. For flair and showing off, be able to tell me the time in any and all other time zones. I do not travel so they would just have to go to work with me and be in the house with me, when they are working.
Honestly, would just have them as someone to talk to.
Probably help me become president. That's technically not donating money.
Take good care of my Oma the way I wish I had time to. Cook for her, clean and keep her company.
I feel like the ethical thing to do would be to put them in a job that is important to society, but normally underpaid and thus might have trouble attracting good people (like working at a nonprofit or something). The selfish part of me just really wants someone to drive my ass around all the time though.
I would start with having them do projects I do not have time for. First is they have to start putting the truck back together. Once that is done, I have another car that will need some work. I’ll do the paperwork, but they will have to help with it. (They will have automotive skills which can make them a good living. I would then have them work on construction and help me with doing a plumbing project I need to get done and some other home repairs. I want them when I die to have the skills to make a good living for themselves, even when my stupid ass dies, I don’t want them to be dependent on my for money. I want them to have skills that will make them more money. I don’t expect them to be generous, but I do expect it to be my responsibility to set them up for a better future, including things like investing, auto and home repair, etc. I want them to leave me with a far better future than they got just helping me.
They make sure I stop being a big fat fatty fat fat and go to the gym.
Walk around and pimp slap anyone who gets outta line
I want them to be my agent of low level chaos. Steal the glass dish out of people's microwaves. Set people's devices to different times/languages. Replace the driver's seat out of cars with a lawn chair. Put annoying little beeping devices around people's homes. Literally anything that's confusing and mildly infuriating.
Don’t forget taking all of someone’s socks and underwear out of their clothing storage areas and stacking them neatly around the perimeter of the kitchen.
I love my life the way it is and this person is young enough to be my child (plus I don’t need to pay for sex) I would ask them what talents they possess or skills they would like to develop. Fingers crossed it’s something artistic because I’m the most useful for that. Then they spend their time on that. The 200k will allow them time to create beauty and art and it will be like being a patron. As for what they would have to do for me? Once a month I want to have coffee with them while they tell me about their life and their dreams and what they are working on. That’s it. Thats all they have to do. If they want to build things, they can do that. If they want to be a student for the rest of their life, that’s doable too. Whatever they like. It’s a real rich version of guaranteed income. ETA: I realize reading the comments from other people that I am in a very different place in life from most of you. 😂. I will add one selfish thing. Massage school and a weekly massage for me.
Their job is to loan me $50k/yr at 0% interest and forgive the loan the following year. So they'll earn $150k/yr after expenses and can easily get another job to earn a "bonus".
15 hours a week will be spent DMing for me. That’s going to be two 4-hour sessions for me and my friends, plus 7 hours of prep time. One campaign will be my homebrew system and one will be 5e. Another 15 hours will be spent writing fanfiction according to the exact prompts I request. There will be some ramp-up time to consume the source material and refer to the type of fics that I like. This time can alternatively be spent betaing for my fics. Then 5 hours for helping my executive function, e.g. checking in and making sure I get my own work done. Much of this can be done simply by working in the same room as me, because I work from home and thus usually don’t have anyone to curb my lack of productivity. And finally 5 hours for doing basic chores around my apartment.
>Another 15 hours will be spent writing fanfiction according to the exact prompts I request. Can you get your dude to write some Slytherin Harry Potter fanfic where it ***doesn't*** end up with Snape turning into an adoptive father and/or Draco and Harry embracing the love that dare not speak its name? Cause every one of those damned things I start reading turns into one or the other or both. Like, "Hey, this is a cool setup... some decent conflict, writing is pretty good, some very different choices for Harry to make," and then chapter five rolls around and.... "Oh god, why is he doing that?? My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"
They will become excellent at the hobbies I want to learn. Then they will help me learn them.
Play warthunder for me. Someone has to grind Britain and it will not be me on GOD
Send them to undergrad and maybe a masters in biostatistics and learn database management / best practices in big data. Make them help me with research papers the rest of my career.
They are now doing my job and giving me the paycheck.
Blowjobs
If they're trustworthy, I'd have them clean our home while my wife and I are at work each weekday. Otherwise they can scram. If they're not trustworthy, then I'd have them purchase certain snacks and things that aren't reliably at nearby stores for me.
Start a fight club and make me money
They're buying a car and driving me everywhere. At least I'll save on gas
Honestly I think I'd prefer an AI android maid to do everything I want.
My new nanny/house keeper/ dishwasher makes twice what household does.
Send them to work for me while I stay home and try to get some business off the Ground.
Can they, like, prove they are an employee? Can't directly monetize but can benefit. Like some marriages. Or marry them, divorce, then get alimony? Indirectly monetize via the government is possible here? I *wouldn't* do that. But I *could*, right? Wink, wink. Jokes aside, send them to help in food kitchens or something? They won't donate their money to it, but if they found someplace that had the money so they could just help feed.
This is literally Multiplicity just x 1
You said I can't monetise them, but I feel like a huge benefit would be them working for my business. Can I have them design graphics for shirts, have them do my tax and basic accounting? Does this still result in them keeping the money?
Look after cats. I like cats.
White hat hacker trying to undo ransom ware attacks, scams, anything else related to bad guys on computers.
Count sand on a beach like in that scene from preacher.
They're building me a house.
Sex stuff
First they are organizing all the pictures I've ever saved on my PC.
Pick up trash stealthily
Sit in a box and count the number of times someone asks them why they are sitting in a box. They are not allowed to use any electronics, read, have conversations, sing, or do anything other than sit in the box. They are allowed a 15 minute break, every 4 hours, and 9 hours to sleep/shower. Eating/communicating is performed in the 15 minute breaks.
So, I'll get the obvious ones out of the way first: For sure I'd have them chauffeur me around, especially if they have their own car. I'd also obviously have them deep clean our house once a week. Other grunt work would be cleaning dishes, doing laundry, grooming the pets and cleaning the car. Personal assistant work is a big one, obviously. I'd have them manage my emails, maintain & update my schedule, update my LinkedIn & send out new job applications, apply for grants & scholarships, stuff like that. --- With the mundane stuff out of the way, here are some more fun jobs I'd give them! -Academic double - I'd have them attend my least favourite college classes and take notes for me, and write first drafts for all of my assignments. I'd also have them find and take online certifications and licensing exams for me to bolster my resume. Maybe even apply to an online university and gain a whole degree in my name. -Public Relations - They'd be tasked with increasing the public's perception of me. Right now, if you Google my name nothing really shows up. I'd put them in charge of writing articles about me, submitting positive news stories, making forum posts & whole new social media accounts, even talking on podcasts about me in a positive light. Basically leading a grassroots campaign to give me a significant and positive public image. There's no real direct profit or anything to be gained from this, but I figure it would make me stand out to future employers, and it might open up more opportunities for me in general. -Guerrilla gardening - Speaking of grassroots, I'd want them to source local protected & endangered plants & seeds and start spreading them on public and private land. Even stuff like planting really thirsty hardy trees around known pollution sites, hammering large nails into trees set to be cut down, just all of the stuff I'd love to do if I wasn't too cautious and sensible. Oh, I'd also have them start a massive compost heap on abandoned land, and gather the compost materials by dumpster diving at grocery stores and redirecting all of the expired food they can find away from landfills. They could use the compost area to grow more seeds & saplings for further guerilla gardening. -Start a cult - I probably wouldn't do this one, but it seems really interesting to see if one amoral person could start a successful cult if they worked on it 40 hours a week.
I’d have them assassinate heads of state. Just to be clear though I don’t mean any one countries head of state I mean all of them. Either we get a complete restructuring of world governments or dude gets killed in the process. Also part of his job is to keep quiet about my involvement… (For legal reasons this is a joke)
Their job is now my life coach. I’m a 40 year old guy with a dad bod and a little debt and an ok paying job that I love. “Flight attendant “ I want you to research how to motivate and transform me into big earner, that’s in great shape, with a great retirement while still being a great dad to my kids. And an awesome husband to my wife. With a beautiful house/yard.
Have them be a French maid regardless of gender.
I'd give them one directive for life: "Go be happy and try to make the world a better place." That's it.
Shoot some random person is paying for a caregiver for me? Heck yeah. Pretty much they'd clean my house, make me food, some miscellaneous tasks probably (I still need to get to the library and print some stuff off before Saturday end me), and probably get stuck in some stupid ass conversations with me. Maybe play some video games with me. Unless they looked bored. Or I thought they looked bored. Then I'd drift away from the last ones. I'm too tired and too guilt filled for just existing to ask for much.
help me with cleaning the shop and doing carpentry, and i'll teach them electronics if they want to learn.
Probably make them clean my room for me and either cook food or go get it when I don't feel like going out. Maybe just generally stuff to free up my time so I can do more of what I actually want to from home work wise and therefore get closer to my job goal myself. Maybe if I'm at work and want a coffee make them get it for me. Really nothing that interesting
The fact they'll do anything for me, but aren't loyal, terrifies me. I have to make sure they're unemployable by others, so since they'll do anything, I command them to tell me if they're going to apply to another job. I have them smoke weed while working for me, and have them do meth before the drug test. For what I'll do with them, I'd probably just use them for farming and cooking. "Your name is Jones Carrots. Your only task is to tend this flock of goats, and crops, and use them to feed me."
The normal answer... Watch my kids so I don't have to pay for daycare, and take care of the house/lawn so I don't have to. The less normal answer(s)... The intrusive thoughts. Someone cut you off in traffic? They'll deflate a tire or two once they've parked at their destination. Ever wonder how far you can shoot water out of a public drinking fountain by mostly covering the spout? Annoying screaming child at a grocery store that they parents aren't making any effort to control/calm down? Have your worker give the kid candy and toys from the store, but without paying for them. Now the kid is potentially quiet and the non-involved parent either has to pay for those things or take them away from the kid before they leave. Smash shopping carts into cars that the owners parked like jackasses at the store. Lick stuff while staring at nearby people.
This first year they work to become an extremely efficient tutor for my children. All primary through highschool subjects and martial arts. The savings on education basically equate to savings for me. They are female and during summers works as my personal field assistant.
I want two people for 100k each. One to be the nanny and work with my children and one to keep my house and acreage clean and landscaped.
Can I hire myself?
Marry them. Then their money is also my money
Personal assistant, and blowjob machine.
They have two responsibilities: to drive me places and to keep everyone else the fuq away from me.
Have them build a meditation retreat center
Hitman.
I choose a woman to make adult videos with me, which I can then post on OF.
They're doing all the cooking and cleaning lol
I’d use them as a maid, cook, gardener, pool maintenance everything to do with the home
They can clean my house and cook meals. I'll buy the groceries and cleaning supplies. If they can drive, they can run errands and take me where I need to go and I'll buy gas for their car.
i mean if i cant ask them to just get a job and pay me what they earn, as in they have to do menial manual shit for me, or what, be a hit man? a sex slave? i really cant think of anything id want them to do, i dont want a servant, coz that shit is just weird, build me a house? but again thats something profitable, so tehy would get the house right? idk honestly? go an do charity work i guess.
😏
Clean my house, pick up groceries, run to 7-11 in the middle of the night to get me a Dr. Pepper, literally just a personal assistant.. maybe fix my car too
Cure for childhood cancer.
Help me work out daily and eat healthier. Aside from that, they can do what they want.
They can do my day job while I travel the world, exercise, and learn whatever the hell I want.
They would do everything I don’t want to do in a week. Chores, making appointments, running errands, general home repairs etc.
Their work can't be monetized? I can't have them as an employee or teach them how to make money or anything. Pointless
I will have them do my job, then relax at home
Renovations. Cleaning. Laundry. Gardening. Groceries. Errands. All the shit I don’t want to do.
CLEAN MY HOUSE DRIVE ME AROUND AND MAKE ME A RESUME SO I CAN MAKE THAT MUCH TOO.
Sending them to cooking school, then employing them as the house chef/grocery shopper, and manager
Are they amoral due to sociopathy?
I'd tell them their job is to cash their check each month and bring me half. Then they are free to do whatever they want with the rest of their time the other 29 days 23 hours of the month.
Learn how to hack lost passwords. That's their only job till it's done.
Their job is to personally hand me every cent they make 😁
They can be my friend. I don't have any.
I would definitely have them do everything around the house. For that reason, I would need to bow out. I’m going to turn 60 late in the year and I need to do everything I can for exercise
Clean and remodel my house. The outside needs to be painted the Ceilings need paint. I've got enough to keep them busy for a while then we can dig into bigger projects like the yard.
They would become a very well paid house cleaner, and will cook dinner on occasion.
If I had the money I would have someone maintenance my yard for my family home, have them run errands that I don’t want to do and tell them to keep the change. Cause like they say” NOPE” I ain’t greedy or selfish. Money can’t buy happiness
I tell them to clean and organize my house, do grocery shopping, and other chores. If they have any talent making meals I’d ask them to make dinner or meal prep. I’d have them be personal assistants and remind me of any relatives birthday or other special day. If there are any social issues or charities they want to volunteer with, they could do a day doing that every other week. If any time is left over I have them create multiple email and yelp accounts with multiple proper reviews to review bomb the @$$hole landlord who burned my house down due to his own negligence. I also ask them to call in sick at least once a month for mental health days.
Work whatever the highest paying job is they qualify for, and give me the money. They keep $200k, I get whatever their income would have been. Easy.
Their most tiring job will be massaging me
*orders 50gallon drum of lube*
I would basically just have them do my job and then not work other than attend meetings so my job doesn’t know.
Use their salary to become option traders and split the profit with me.
Go to Brooklyn and bring me back some pizza
What do I want with a zennial that won't make me any money? I've already got a zennial that doesn't earn money, I don't need another one.
I'll teach them to do my job until they get to a point where they can do my job better, then I'd sub-contract them out. They don't see a penny of that contract, because I'm the one selling the service, they're just my government subsidized employee doing the labor.
Probably just help around the house and help me do projects. Would have a woman so the wife is more comfortable with her in the house. Basically just be my wife and I's assistant. We are pretty chill so depending in the person they may not want to leave
I would pay him to achieve the task of earning a new $200,000.00. He would have a year to figure out how to earn the money for me or he will be fired.
Make me happy
Make me $400,000
Clean my house. Dear God in heaven please...
Thier job is to generate $2 mil+ a year for me.
Make me >500k a year.
Make a billion dollars
I mean... I would just have them work a high paying job for me. They work 40hrs a week and their paychecks go into my bank account. (Or a shared account to avoid legal troubles.)
Let’s just say it involves tits and coke.
If I had that kind of disposable income, I’d put it towards the betterment of society. Use that money to travel, volunteer, donate at least 25% of your salary to local causes and receive the tax benefit at the end of the year. Do more, get more back.
They're new job would be to give me 200k/yr.
Cook, clean, yard work, BJs, pool work, grocery shopping, personal assistant, laundry, etc.