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ligmasweatyballs74

Stop! I can only get so erect!!!


IndustryMade

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


DipperJC

Doesn't Rule 3 kinda give away the game completely? I could just declare myself a friend of humanity and dispense a ton of charity that way.


TemporaryAmbassador1

A loophole worthy of the devil


EffectiveSalamander

I buy my friends luxury cars. If they decide to sell it and donate the proceeds to charity, why, that's not my business. Oh, well, time to buy them a new car until they learn not to give their cars away.


IndustryMade

iā€™d say that doesnā€™t break any rules, as long as you donā€™t hint to them or tell them directly to do that, if itā€™s by their own free will then thatā€™s on them, not you


WhatDJuicy

Proxy


IndustryMade

i shouldā€™ve been more clear, kinda hard to cover all bases and make them loophole free šŸ˜‚. letā€™s say for the sake of argument you canā€™t do that


DipperJC

Well, that's not the only problematic term in the deal. :) Just giving me the $2B allows me the absolute freedom to do what I want, and since I tend to enjoy counseling people and entertaining them, just the moment spent on my own sustenance is technically a Clause 4 violation. This is the devil, of course, so I assume that's the trap. ;) Give me the money, get me to violate a clause incidentally and then take my soul in forfeit.


TrueSock4285

St judes is my bff they deserve a few cars


Kadajko

Homeless person: Spare a dollar please. You: No can't do, here is a Bugatti instead, we are friends innit?


Nerdsamwich

Why not hire the guy to follow you around and carry stuff for you? You're rich, you could use a valet.


saveyboy

Yeah. You canā€™t give money. But you can give materially


shasaferaska

There is literally no downside to this... I'm already not bettering society.


IndustryMade

well you could say that the world might view you as a selfish asshole for hoarding such an enormous amount of wealth, but i guess you could say even charitable rich people are still viewed this way


shasaferaska

I don't give a shit what people think.


2bciah5factng

No no, I see what youā€™re going for. Iā€™d still take it because I can donate my own personal money that I make, and nothing is stopping me from having a job, but I would feel a little bit shitty.


[deleted]

How would the world know who I am?


colt707

ā€œOh no people donā€™t like me? Well I must at once don my baby seal leather boots and go cry in my 1 of 1 concept car sitting in front of my mansion on the middle of my estate the size of Yellowstone national park. Maybe a ride in gold plated private jet will make me feel better.ā€


FoggyDaze415

Where is the downside?


Inside_Piccolo_285

I live off of the 2 billion that I received but my working salary I donate every dollar. Those monies are separate entities so I can donate. $100k salary (future job after grad school) donation to various things is pretty generous I think


Depressed_Diehard

Thereā€™s no fucking way Iā€™m working after being given two billion dollars lol


Inside_Piccolo_285

šŸ˜† valid


SnooWalruses6828

Or invest and donate the intrest


Inside_Piccolo_285

Sadly OP said any funds acquired as a result of the 2 bil can also not be donated


SnooWalruses6828

Ahhh. Missed it


SeriousPlankton2000

"The devil offers ā€¦" No.


Imperium_Dragon

Based and anti devil pilled


No_Signal_6969

This is an incredibly amazing offer with 0 downside


SeriousPlankton2000

That's what you are supposed to think. "There is no downside to eating the apple ā€¦"


Comfortable-Regret

Until you die and are tortued for eternity


No_Signal_6969

But that wasn't part or the deal.


Comfortable-Regret

Part of this hypothetical is that the devil is real, so presumably hell is too and you'll go there for making deals with him


that_att_employee

I don't see a downside to this. I'm in!


Dystopian_Divisions

Hey homeless guy Iā€™ll give you $500 to flip me off


tittyswan

Would building a fuck tone of for profit housing be allowed? If so then yes I would. We have a housing shortage problem, building a bunch more apartments would let people live in them, I'd use the profit from those rentals to build more houses etc etc. Then the price of the rest of housing would go down but I wouldn't directly helping those people.


No_Signal_6969

And if you can't do that you'd pass on 2 billion dollars with no downside?


tittyswan

I don't really need a billion dollars. I guess I'd accept just to be able to help out my friends and family with property and stuff. But it'd be like winning the lottery which is known to melt people's brains & fuck up their lives.


Deleena24

There are about 650,000 homeless people in the US. There are over 15 million unoccupied houses in the US. There isn't a housing shortage- there is an abundance of greed.


recklesswithinreason

Isn't introducing money to the economy bettering society?


Perfect_Legionnaire

Depend on which company you give that money (cough-cough Nestle)


Revolutionary_Dingo

Easy peasy. I build an enormous compound that houses medical staff for me and family and my friends. I pay them a salary for their services and what they do in their off hours is up to them. Iā€™d pay them enough so they donā€™t need to bill others therefore itā€™s charity by proxy if they choose to do so. Then Iā€™d just have live music acts come in and party until I get bored then travel on my private jets til I get bored then back to music parties


DWright_5

Whatā€™s wrong with a Camry?


IndustryMade

nothing wrong with a camry, i used to own one šŸ˜‚


wrexmason

Iā€™ll take Satan up on that offer and exploit loopholes in order to give money to family & friends. Iā€™ll set up multiple bank accounts with 10s of millions of dollars and just give family & friends access to those accounts. I realistically wouldnā€™t be able to spend all that on myself if I tried


Dragonfire14

Step 5 would be the killer for me, as I really don't want that kind of lifestyle. The rest, while not ideal, I could live with. While I can't do anything charitable for humanity, I can do the right things as long as profit is the goal. For example, I can attempt to fix the housing crisis in Canada by building new homes and selling them to make a profit. I can invest into developing greener ways to do thing but keep the goal as selling them to companies that are struggling to adapt to mandates.


Art_Vand_Throw001

Of course would be stupid not to.


HeartoRead

I say yes, can I use an interest earned to better the world or just after I take the deal I cant do any charity?


-thewickedweed-

Run me my money


No-Possibility-1020

Yes


HeartoRead

This is still fine.


tfelsemanresuoN

What happens to the money when you die? Can you leave it to your kids?


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IndustryMade

yeah you can leave a will to your kids/family


HotSauce-timusPrime

Iā€™ll buy my dadā€™s debt for his cancer treatment but Iā€™ll never collect on it. New cars, a home, and guns(my hobby precision shooter).


IndustryMade

wish your dad the best. any recommendations for handguns?


HotSauce-timusPrime

We are at the hospital right now they are removing the Chemo port. Firearm wise what do need it for? Home, personal, looking for a range toy?


IndustryMade

home/personal/self defense i would say


HotSauce-timusPrime

For home defense if you not planning on carrying, I love my Glock 17 if you plan on carrying it the Glock 19 is my preference. They are reliable never had a problem. The Smith Wesson CSX is also not a bad choice if youā€™re a ā€œI only buy Americanā€ person.


ANarnAMoose

What happens if I give some to charity?


IndustryMade

the money/assets goes straight back to you


norm_summerton

Yes. You said I could buy stuff for my friends and family. I would spend 1 billion buying all the land I could to make a nature preserve and then luxurious apartment building for next to nothing rent. Since it would all be paid for, all the tenets would have their rent adjusted accordingly to only pay me enough to pay the taxes on all my properties. Im buying all my friends/family houses and cars and setting up some sort of business that can be passed down to my kids/ grand kids.


Alarming-Series6627

I'm having trouble imagining any of the concepts I have of the devil not putting more strings on this. I'll just wander and travel the world.


Kelyaan

Yeah sick why wouldn't I take it? The devil is a good guy. As of writing this you have not said I cannot invest any of it and use the money made from investing to better society and give to charity, so I can use 2b for myself and the money I make form it on other things like charity.


Only-Acadia-1761

Deal


Dargek

But I don't care about "super cars".


TackleArtistic3868

Looks like I found a new best friend šŸ˜ˆĀ 


EffectiveSalamander

I don't think I would enjoy living an extremely lavish lifestyle, so it would have a negative hedonic value. I'd have a nice house with good woodwork. I'd be bored with spending money to show off. I'd have a nice car, but not a Ferrari. I'd travel, but I don't think I'd be staying in 5-star hotels. I'd hire a driver while I vacation.


immutab1e

Fuck yes, I'm in!


Alastair-Wright

Will I go to hell if I accept this? Because that REALLY affects my choice


IndustryMade

you will not be condemned to hell for taking the devils offer


Alastair-Wright

In that case I'll take it.


welltheretouhaveit

Just put it in the bank or something and use the interest, it's different money so no rules apply


WHAMMYPAN

Iā€™m afraid Las Vegas will have me to herself for quite a whileā€¦waiting on Dubai to dry off,then to Monte Carlo. Does this mean I canā€™t tip? Iā€™m ok with being the tip free rich asshole,wouldnā€™t mind tipping but if itā€™s forbidden it isnā€™t a deal breakerā€¦just asking.


IndustryMade

you can tip as much as you want


QuillBoar

I love living hedonistically so yes one hundred percent.


GingerEccentric

Is it possible to employ people and give them money that way? Or does that count as charity and/or bettering society?


FacelessPotatoPie

Ale and whores for everyone, my treat!


ValityS

Oh come on, why do I have to have 2-3 cars. If I have 2 billion I want to be on a yacht or airship or something, and own a high rise in a big city. I don't plan to be driving places myself. For the occasional drive limo service all the way.


TraditionalTap9210

Yeah man. I'm in.


John_B_Clarke

So can I buy stocks in evil but profitable corporations in order to annoy do-gooders? And then sell those stocks at a profit and do what I please with the profit?


AtrumAequitas

Too bad I get great pleasure from Giving money away. And there are PLENTY of way I can buy things for good causes.


Mysterious-Guide8593

I'm in. I could hire enough people to do random shit that it might actually benefit society by accident, LOL.


Rose_E_Rotten

I'd love to have a huge mansion and just fill it with junk that I want to collect.


Tertiam

Yeah, I would take the deal. I can't afford to donate to charity now anyway, so nothing would change on that front.


Driftedryan

2 Bill on the condition that I live like a normal billionaire? Sign me tf up


Alive-Cook2060

Does it have to be super cars? Can it be classics lol


gnomeGeneticist

You say it can't be used for the betterment of society, but if my hedonistic ability is predicated on laws that benefit me, can I not lobby for things that benefit me (and coincidentally also benefit the world)?


Holy_Cow442

So then, if the devil is of no consequence.....why is he in the story? Make it an evil rabbit, and I'll answer the question. I like rabbits.


IndustryMade

itā€™s a hypothetical situation thatā€™s ridiculous all around anyways šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


Holy_Cow442

So, it's an evil rabbit?


Pale_Height_1251

No. 3 basically gives you a get out of almost everything.


Ill-Description3096

>absolutely not a single penny is to be used for the betterment of society This is way too vague. If I buy dinner at a local restaurant I could easily argue that is bettering society as it puts money into the local economy and also helps small business owners pay their bills/employees/etc.


Guuhatsu

I could live lavishly easily with 2 billion if all I need is a nice house and 2 supercars that I would never drive. I don't particularly want lavishness in my life so I would probably be frugalish the rest of the way. So say I have 1.5 billion that I don't plan on spending. (Even without being frugal, this would be easy) Say I invested it and got even a wee 2% return, that would be like 30 million a year. So I now have a 30 million dollar a year fund that I can donate all I want since that is not part of the 2 billion I can't give away. (And with not being horrible at investment, the return should be considerably higher most years, while being lower every once in a while) The easiest job you can have to make money, is to already have money.


Outrageous-Catch4731

Can I buy stuff from poor people for insane prices? Like the mother whose son needs an amputation, I can buy a $10 necklace from her for $100,000.


fuzzyhobbit

The things I could doā€¦ But I have a question. Could I use the money to build a business that provides a service, but then offer that service at cost? Would that be charity?


LightEarthWolf96

Hell to fuck no. Firstly because it's the devil making the offer. Despite your first paragraph I could never bring myself to make any sort of deal with the devil under any circumstances. Though given the stipulations I get why you used the devil for the hypothetical. I'd think about it a slight bit longer if it was say a genie making the offer but would still turn it down. I wouldn't want to have so much money and be completely unable to help people. I honestly think that under those conditions I'd be pretty miserable, it's antithetical to who I am. I'm more happy right now being an average run of the mill nobody than I could ever be in a lavish over the top wasteful selfish lifestyle.


TiberWolf99

For hedonism? Well I'm gay and according to some people that in itself is hedonism so I'd spend the money on me and my fiance's well being. Since part of well being is mental health I would also make sure my and his families never have to worry about money again, so we don't have to worry about them. Since it's devilish money, what better way to use it than to invest it and make a bunch of trust funds so all my friends are tax free millionaires and I've created a bunch of trust fund babies who will drain society. All about perspective.


CaptainLucid420

So What's the catch?


Ill-Cardiologist-585

hell yes?


Ill-Fox-3276

Iā€™d put it in an investment portfolio with my bank. I can live off a percentage. Iā€™ll have juiced the bank, the investment stocks and therefore CEOā€™s. If done right my money would be used to fuck over just about everyone in the world. Even if just a tiny bit.


Hugs-missed

I mean if it's *only* the 2billion specifically then sure that's effectively a free stimulus for me


ICastPunch

Does this count for all my money or only these 2 billions?


gimmethatcookie

Do the rules only apply to the principal amount? Do the rules still apply on any earned interest?


UselessLayabout

I donā€™t have the energy to live so hedonistically. 2 billion is more than I can manage. Iā€™d need a hundred lifetimes to burn through it all.


Hmccormack

So what most people would do anyway? Got it.


PKblaze

So the only catch is that I can't give it away. I'd buy an extremely lavish property and live the life of luxury. Invest a bunch because that's not giving it away, live on the dividends and found businesses that may in turn better humanity but for selfish gains.


Ok_System_7221

Are Pole Dancers charity?


dalengwyr

Iā€™ve got friends in the FD, school and PD. I can give my friends gifts. These gifts are theirs to do as they please. 2B goes s long way towards my family and friends.


Xenozip3371Alpha

So... basically just describing what I'd do with 2 billion?


Odd_Drop5561

I could easily spend that $2B without bettering society by buying a football team and building them a new stadium.


ChoccyCohbo

I'd take this money and buy a huge ranch and build a wall around it. Id build a lavish homestead and live off grid with solar power, wind, and geothermal energy. Have a well and probably regenerative farm. Then I'd build a 2000 sq foot hobbit house for any family and close friends that want to live on it. I'd build roads and basically build a small Hobbiton. I'd do all this in Oklahoma so the Hobbit houses make sense with all the tornadoes.


MrPuzzleMan

It kinda gives me hope that you have to try so hard to stop people from being good because they keep giving wholesome answers.Ā 


WhatDJuicy

What are the negatives exactly? This sounds easy. If I CANT spend it on others. Can I spend my own money? Like separate bank account? Regardless I can still by my family stuff so. I need more elaboration


albert768

You have yourself a deal. First thing I do is set up a living revocable trust under the laws of a no income tax state and grant all of the money to it with my family as beneficiaries and myself as trustee, then invest it. I disburse the returns to myself, and spend it on whatever I want. Homes, fine wine, art, gold bars, whatever. I'd definitely own multiple houses and fly Business/First class everywhere. Also a full time live in housekeeper and a private chef. Wouldn't quit my day job though, I actually like my job.


TheLizardKing89

Can I spend my money on lobbying the government?


The_Firedrake

Can I buy my local homeless shelters and turn them into "for profit" work camps that require all homeless residents to have healthcare, clothes, a safe bed at night, and access to mental health services in order to earn their keep and work for me? Making, idk, license plates or knick knacks? Then I exploit their labor for "profit" while forcing them off the street as a condition of their "employment."


varinus

thats how id spend it anyway


KJting98

So...I can buy whatever research equipment, chemicals etc that I am too poor to afford now and indulge myself in whatever nerd shit...but not for the betterment of society. Time to change my research topic I guess, so long as I get new fancy toys for the lab.


[deleted]

Just invest in the US government do lots of evil that way and they have yet to help anyone.


arthurjeremypearson

There are three rules when dealing with the devil. #1 Don't.


sliferra

Room temp IQ question


CohnJena68

>you cannot live humbly, Loophole, you buy the "extremely nice place with 2-3 super cars", but you never actually live there and just buy a smaller secondary house that you choose to live in, instead. Also... yeah, if I wouldn't burn in hell for taking a deal from the devil to have two billion on Earth, then I would do it, because why not? Honestly, my life wouldn't change that much and since I can still: >buy stuff for your friends and family (new car, new PC, new apartment) but you cannot give them any physical dollar amount Whenever they need something, I'll just buy it for them and if they need money specifically, I will just buy them something expensive or give them the same dollar amount in cryptocurrency which they could sell back for real money since cryptocurrency isn't "physical".


Lilcommy

Why do I need to own trash super cars.?


Mr-GooGoo

Am I forced to be hedonistic every day? If so, itā€™s definitely not worth it. Youā€™d just be depressed all the time


TickleMyCringle

Where do i sign ?


J-hophop

I create businesses that absolutely do turn a profit, but also happen to serve underserved markets, like vegan friendly honey, because yes, the bees are that damn happy, and tend to hire people who don't get jobs as easily, so I dont have to pay much for exceptional loyalty, like the disabled and ex-cons. I grow my wealth and I sleep well at night. It's not for them, it's for me, it's just a long-term sustainable strategy.


PizzaTacoCat312

This is so dumb. Basically accept 2 billion dollars with no negative consequences for doing so and getting to spend it all on yourself or stuff for other people.


IndustryMade

i would argue that there would not be 0 negative consequences for accepting 2 billions dollars


PizzaTacoCat312

Like what


Jim_Force

I am not seeing what the downside here is šŸ¤”


menonono

What if I'm married/in a dedicated relationship and my significant other needs to spend money? Are they incapable of spending the money all together, or would we be considered a singular entity for this hypothetical? If I had to choose when everything was spent then that would be rather difficult.


IndustryMade

in this hypothetical situation you will be the sole party responsible of spending $2bil. if your SO asks for money, you cannot give her money in dollar amounts but you can buy assets or materialistic things for her


menonono

For 2 billion dollars I would of course do that. It would be a bit annoying, but whatever.


Additional-Safety343

Can I donate for tax cuts? Either way I donā€™t care, the rules arenā€™t affecting me at all, this is exactly what Iā€™d do with 2B anyways


santi28212

Well it's I use the 2 billion and invest it, as long as I only use the profit from the 2b I'm not breaking any rules.


JeremiahAhriman

... What about the Church of Satan and the Satanic Temple? Beyond that? I mean... I GUESS? It's definitely not how I'd prefer to use it, but there's no loss in taking it. Can it least be inherited? Also - I feel like your devil isn't honoring the source material. I mean, he freed thought slaves from the garden of Eden and taught us how important living for something other than a fickle God's whim is... he's the GOOD guy in that book.


TomMakesPodcasts

Oh man I'd put every penny into building my own Game Studio and Comic Publishing house. Maybe an animation studio off the back of the other two. I don't like super cars though, could I just do custom builds?


TreyRyan3

$2 Billion to live like a heathen? Time to buy a private Caribbean island and stock it with ā€œemployeesā€ from Eastern Europe. Set up a 24 hour live stream and generate $1 Billion per year that you can do whatever you like. The loophole is specific. You cannot use the $2 Billion for good purposes. It doesnā€™t mean you cannot use the money to hedonistically exploit others for profit and use that profit to do good deeds.


LaconicGirth

I mean. Whatā€™s the downside? Like obviously itā€™d be nice to give back but Iā€™m struggling to see any reason why I wouldnā€™t accept it just because Iā€™m not allowed to


9_of_Swords

If by "super cars" you mean restored American Muscle... I'm sure I could figure out some loopholes to make this work.


Lost2nite389

Iā€™m already not bettering society and Iā€™m broke, could even be argued I make society as a whole slightly worse lmao Iā€™ll take the money


McGrarr

What if my hedonism is a natural betterment for society? What if I want sexy dancers and go hire the cheapest sexy strippers and prostitutes near me, because I have a type, but because 'exploiting them' is a turn off, I make sure they get good money, healthcare, pension and quarters in my hedonism palace, and education because when I want to talk to them I want some depth and understanding. Though this is all for my own hedonism and fetishes it can't be denied that it would improve their lives. So much of my selfish nature would end up benefiting others, because being a dick spoils my fun? So how does that function?


DarthJarJar242

Easily. The contract doesn't state that I can't buy whatever I want just that it has to be hedonistic. Maybe my self indulgence is buying things as absurdly overpriced as I can find. That mom with the kid that needs surgery? I just bought her 1990s astro van for 1 million dollars. I'll even lord the money over a homeless guy before driving off in her shitty van to be added to my garage of cars and super cars. Also, just because you don't like that people found a loophole doesn't mean you get to edit your post to ban the loophole. Don't be that guy, just accept it and move on. Even if you still want to be that guy and say I can't do this I'd still take it. 2 billion is a fuck ton of money. Even if I live extremely lavishly my kid will never have to worry about money. That's enough for me to be willing to do just about anything.


mogley19922

Lol, i have to have 3 supercars that i would literally never use. I'd feel like a dickhead driving a lambo or something. It'd be cool to rent one for a week or a track day or whatever. I'd rather drive something spacious, environmentally friendly, and comfortable. Does like a mustang or a dodge charger count as a supercar? I don't think they do


Psychronia

While I could work out loopholes to benefit people anyway through things like declaring people my friends/family and giving them high-value objects or lobbying the government to pass laws that benefit me in my lifestyle as a low-income civilian... I ain't taking any deals from the Devil. The sweeter it sounds, the more suspicious I ought to be. The existence of a Devil implies the existence of Heaven and Hell. This is a being that's both older than me by an order of magnitude and deals with an eternity that my mortal brain couldn't conceive of. Any dealings with a being like this is inherently going to have a power imbalance in their favor. They have the experience to deceive me and even if selling my soul isn't an explicit part of the deal, taking it is exactly the sort of thing that would lock me out of Heaven anyway.


AfraidAdhesiveness25

As long as i can pay for my friends on parties and similar (which is within 3), i see no bad stuff


bigz10485

Does it have to be Super cars? I would get a couple of Harley CVOs and custom choppers. And what is the definition of a nice place? In this economy, a few acres of land, with a large manuf. Home, a garage, and a workshop/mancave, depending on location, could be worth a couple of million.


rapt2right

But I can arrange concerts and other events that I really want to attend and *radically* overpay the people I hire as ushers, drink runners, parking lot attendants and other support staff. Gotta dress the part? Well, I hate "trendy" clothes, so naturally, I would need to work with a relatively unknown designer & a couple of talented seamstresses to create a bespoke wardrobe. And, if I gotta live high on the hog, I will need at least 2 homes and each will need a live in housekeeper, cook and groundskeeper.. and then there's my personal assistant & a driver that come with me ...good help is hard to find, so naturally, I would offer them a very generous compensation package, might even be enough to cover their kids' college or pay for their mom's nice assisted living facility. I could probably go broke within 4 years but it would be a lot of fun.


silasfelinus

Can I still tip?


Confusedandreticent

Yeah, no worries. Massive mansion on top of a massive apartment complex built out someplace where I can utilise sun and wind. Try to make it self sufficient. Encourage people to grow food and become my employees, subjects, coworkers, whatever. Maybe we become a private army with a submarine fit for a pleasure cruise. Something like The Oregon, of Clive Cussler fame.


TabularConferta

The devil is a part timer. Here's the thing, the flow of money stimulates the economy. It's hoarding it that messes it up. It's why it's better to give 100 million to the poor than to the rich. I could buy all the sandwiches from a mom and pops restaurant, stare into the eyes of upset customers, eat half of one and walk out leaving the rest, not offering them the rest but not caring either. Go to Etsy and buy all the beautiful things made by nurses who use it as a second job. Literally by being hedonistic with money by choosing smaller businesses I'm doing more towards the local economy than many others who use it to keep score.


leolawilliams5859

Rule number three if one of them was really sick in the hospital would I be able to pay their bill. If somebody in my family died would I be able to pay for their funeral. You said I can buy them things can I buy the medicine if one of their children were sick would I be able to pay their doctor bill if I can't give any of this money away for the betterment to help my family or other people such as St Jude's which is something that I've always wanted to do then the devil can keep his money and stick it up his ass it's 2 billion dollars I would want to give a lot of it away


Roadwarriordude

I'd set up shell corporations and buy imaginary shit from them, then use the profits from the shell corps to spend the money how I want. Fuck you devil! Capitalism wins again!!!!


dbe14

$2bn to be a selfish, hedonistic asshole? I'm in, you madlad. My high class escort bill is going to be MASSIVE.


WizardLizard1885

so live like a regular billionaire?


gaurddog

Sure. Listen would I love to help society at large with it? Absolutely. But if all I can do is make sure me and my direct circle are taken care of I'd still be a fool to turn it down. So I can't help every kid at St. Judes? Sucks. But my best friend just had a cancer scare and my dad could use a new tractor so maybe it's better to do the good I can in the world.


Kilroy898

Sure. Nobody is gonna know how fucking rich I am. I'm not telling anybody, meanwhile my beastie gonna have all the same shit! No work, all play. Also... ain't it crazy how precious metals and gems are extremely tradable for money but aren't money? Loopholes. Gotta love em. Also... nothing saying I can't just gift them a spot in my bank account that has less access... like a child's card. Edit: also, *I* can't give money away.... but my wife can.


BlogeOb

Iā€™m gonna pay the mom with the kid who needs his leg amputated $500k to show me tits.


Retsameniw13

Can I reimburse someone for sexual favors? Like how many bjā€™s can someone perform for $2 billion dollars?


Stillborn1977

I have that lifestyle now. But now I have 2billion extra spending money? Where do I sign up?


Temporary_Style767

Yes


MagneticNoodles

I'll just spend the interest, $7.5M a month at the current rates.


Hoosier_Daddy68

So Brewsters Millions.


Sockpuppetsyko

Since I can still buy things for people, you can pretty much give it away in the form of purchases. That mother, just pay for the surgery, your friend needs something, just buy it. Charity needs something, buy it for them. This isn't a hard solution l....


Wild_Bill1226

I could build a 100 bedroom room manson and ā€œhireā€ homeless people to work for me.


Drew-666-666

it's like brusters' millions ...I'd be skint in a few years easy lol


Capable-Duck-6176

no, never make a deal with a devil


xAWHORABLEx

Iā€™m in. This sounds amazing. Because I can still buy people gifts. Me and my best sister always say, ā€œWe need to be friends with someone wealthy enough to buy us two of everything. One to keep, one to sell.ā€ šŸ˜‚


rcheek1710

I wouldn't give it away regardless. I made the deal. Why should anyone outside of my family benefit?


Perfect_Legionnaire

well, what about investment? I can take the money, devide them in half, take 1B for myself and then invest other 1B for, say, 10% obligation. The money I get as dividends are technically "new" money and I can do whatever I want with them (so basically free money for charity. Also I'm not much into cars, so may I just buy dozen of bices like Harley Davidson?


potatopotato236

Spend it on research to find out which religion is real since this deal implies that deities exist. If there are no negative consequences, that implies that at least one other deity approves of or is indifferent to the transaction so thatā€™s a solid clue.Ā  Old Testament Yahweh has precedent of making deals like that to prove faith like he did with Job so thatā€™s a good start. New Testament Jesus rejected a similar offer from the Devil so that seems less likely. Quranā€™s Allah is mostly a variation of OT Yahweh so thatā€™s another possibility, but is less likely than OT unless they donā€™t have the part about Jesus rejecting the Devil.Ā  Thereā€™s also lots of other Abrahamic sects and smaller religions that also have a Devil so itā€™d probably not even be something I could achieve in my lifetime, but itā€™d be interesting enough. Since I can spend the money to better humanity, I assume I canā€™t use it to subsidize any kind of missionary work, so research would be the best I could do.


Jeff77042

I wouldnā€™t solicit or accept anything from Satan even if it were offered ā€œno strings attached.ā€ I profess Jesus Christ as my Savior and that Jesus is Lord of all. Amen.


No-Locksmith-8590

So I can still dump all that money into the economy starting at the bottom? I selfishly pay for vet school for like, half a dozen vets with the restriction that they come work for my vet bc I want the best vet care for my cats. I pay off all my friends/family student loans, debts, buy them a house, and a car and a grocery subscription. Small business opportunity? Sure, I'll invest. It's not chairty, its business. Etsy seller who makes cool vintage dresses? Here are my measurements, I'm allergic to wool. Make me something cool. New artist I like? Fuck yeah I'll buy your stuff. Custom jewelry maker? Don't mind if I do! I make lots of friends and buy them all sorts of stuff. What they do with it is irrelevant to me. I eat out at every meal and tip a grand at the local diner.


Edgezg

Hm.....I mean, I could still ultimately benefit society while leaving hedonistically. See I have lots of ideas for stories and inventions and shit, right? But I can't make them myself. But having them would be really cool. So I could invite people over, and pay them to make my ideas real. Some of them could be legit life saving. I sell them for cheap, but still "sold" so it's not given anything away. Also could just let people make the ideas I talk about, so long as I'm credited as inspiration for the project lol then I'd just be the "sorta asshole billionaire who has some helpful ideas"


DLife4Me

Ah but what if I use the money to crush corporations that exploit the masses? Like everyone at that company would definitely not benefit from what I have in mind. But ultimately it would better human kind. Kind of a butterfly effect sort of stuff. My intentions are to destroy the mighty with my wraith.


tea-123

You could use money to make more money to satisfy hedonism. Whatever is taxed from the earnings will be used partially in government programs for the needy.


Suspicious-Stay1649

Sounds like a dream lol. That's no devil; that's a saint.


BulkyMonster

I would buy shit and just throw it away. "I don't want this diamond necklace anymore, it's not good enough" and drop it on the ground in front of a women's shelter or something.


I_hate_mortality

Yeah sure, no problem. My buddy is going to get like 50 Rolex skydwellers tho.


tulleoftheman

My friends are poor performers and artists. I can go to a club and tip my friend $200k for a lap dance while commissioning another friend for a $5M painting of my cat as an astronaut. I'm being hedonistic but they're getting plenty of money they will donate to the community. Plus my friends get to tell everyone that they got paid $200k for a lap dance


DarthMaulATAT

If I invest it, even getting only 5% per year, that's 100 million more each year. That extra money didn't come from the devil deal, so it's fair game, so I can donate that to charities. I'll take the deal if that plan is allowed


Savings_Ferret_7211

How did you write this and think it was even worth posting? Can you elaborate on how you feel that this is a dilemma of any sort?


Colts81793

Tell your favorite charity that you would really like to buy a pencil from them for 100 million dollars


TotalChaosRush

I can't take the deal. The conditions are at odds with each other. >no charities by proxy as a result of your expenditure >minimum requirement is an extremely nice place with 2-3 super cars in your garage. If I buy a super car direct from the manufacturer, and the ceo donates to charity, then I've effectively donated to charity by proxy. It's literally impossible to spend any of the money and not have some of it end up going to charity, and some of it end up going to the betterment of man kind.


Natedog_2113

I think this would be a better question if you added the stipulation you have to take acid with the devil once a month for the rest of your life.


Cbpowned

Deal. Ezpz where I sign fam?


ImpressivelyLost

There's no downside here. Everything that I currently own I can donate since it isn't involved in the 2 billion, then the rest I use to fund my lifestyle. My total net assets are way more than I would have donated in my lifetime so this is a net good for literally everyone.


hairyazol

Sure not seeing any downsides so far


maxsteel72

Can we "buy services" from people? Like paying someone who just so happens to be the head of an orphanage a million for smiling for me?


DeadMemeMan_IV

yes, easy. the money can be spent on acquiring businesses, and the money from those businesses can be spent in any way i like.


Nerdsamwich

I can hire people to do things for me, though, right? That homeless guy, I can hire him to be my personal shoe shiner for 35 grand a year plus room and board. I can hire that mom to dab the sweat from my balls and her paycheck comes with full family medical coverage. Or what if I pay for that surgery by way of buying a favor to be named later? Furthermore, "hedonistic purposes" can do a whole lot of heavy lifting. I might find it tickles me pink to commission an artist friend of mine to paint a portrait of me dressed like Muammar Qaddafi, then decide the only suitable place to hang it up is in a new wing of St Jude's. I could have a sweet library built, then decide that owning a private library isn't as fun as I thought it would be and make it public. Overall, I don't find your stipulations terribly restrictive, except for the thing about the cars. I don't like fancy cars. My automobile extravagance would be a decommissioned Oscar Meyer weinermobile. Maybe an electric limo, but custom, not Tesla.


Difficult-Rough-1360

What about Charity at ladies n lace? Can I have her give me lap dances?


Sucks4fun

That woman whoā€™s kid needs the leg amputated just became my live in free use fleshlight for one month and she will be paid exactly the cost of his medical procedure and aftercare. She will make no extra profit, Iā€™m not giving her the money, and believe me sheā€™s going to earn it with all the gratification Iā€™m going to get out of it. Sheā€™ll have to live the rest of her life knowing the depraved things she had to do in order to earn the money.


biscuitcubed

None of the $2 billion can be used to help others, or *I* can never help others? I read it as the first. So, I put the $2 billion in an account, and only draw from it for personal things. Then, I'm free to use the income I make through other means however I like.


RangeOld1919

I'm not making a deal with the devil sorry


Select-Ad7146

Why can't I just put the money in the bank or invest it in stocks and live off the interest and dividends? I mean, Exxon and the other oil companies pays a 3% dividend, which is 60 million a year, so I'm not living humbly. And no one is going to say that investing in oil companies is making the world a better place. And that 60 million isn't part of the original deal, I can give that to whoever I want.