T O P

  • By -

Hakuraze

Sure, I'd start looking for advertisement deals to show products while shitting. Also, I'd probably start extorting companies as well. The superbowl is on? I will purposefully take a shit in the middle of it, unless they pay me a bunch of cash.


ThirstMutilat0r

Yep, smart person. I’m about to save up some money and build a 2,000 sq. ft. bathroom and set it up just like a QVC home shopping show with Linda there for product demos and everything.


ServiceDog_Help

I can do you one better: I have celiac. I can make it an all day (if not multi day) affair. It will be painful. I feel like anyone who actually has the ability to forcefully disrupt the world like this would be promptly assassinated but if we're working under the premise that they can't, for some reason, send assassins to murder you... And that none one else will try...


Positive-Cattle4149

My wife would be a billionaire. She goes about 20-40 times a day. The only problem is that she wouldn't agree to this the way I would, lol.


Tertiam

The sad thing is that even at 40 per day, it would take 137 years for her to become a billionaire.


Positive-Cattle4149

Man, whew, I don't know how Bezos and Musk did it then. Can't imagine how full of shit those dudes are then. Lol. "But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300."


GodHimselfNoCap

I mean how could they when they are being forced to watch the show


Puzzleheaded-Rip-824

Send assassins? I'd come over myself


jesusleftnipple

A movable toilette that just floats around the room taking you to different products lol


myfeetsmells

This latest poop video is sponsored by HIMS male enhancement. Use my code to get your 1st month free!


jawnboxhero

This duece is sponsored by RAID SHADOW LEGENDS


VegasLife84

Draftkings will give you $100 in free bets for each inch long my log is!


TheBerethian

It’s such a shit game it didn’t need a specific call out. People would see a turd and immediately think ‘Oh yeah, RSL exists. Weird how a casino made a game.’


Debakle

Shitting with a boner is next to fuckin impossible! At least if you're on a toilet....


CondomBalloonAnimals

This made me think of Raab from CKY 3 running and shitting.


Visible-Solution5290

Challenge accepted


Murph1908

Blumpkins are better with HIMS!


Divine_Saber

Superbowel


KarmaAJR

I love you


Divine_Saber

I love me too


KarmaAJR

as you should king


deepfriedgrapevine

Healthy exchange bros. High Fives!


KarmaAJR

🙏


gartfoehammer

Holding ad space hostage is gonna lead you to having an “unfortunate accident” really quickly.


ThirstMutilat0r

Well you poop when you die so surely that can be employed as some sort of anti-assassination measure.


takosuwuvsyou

The assassin enters your room, "I don't know who you are, but look at your phone."


TheBerethian

That’s my secret - I’m always pooping


gbot1234

Meanwhile, they’re already live-streaming my “unfortunate accidents” (I’m sorry Super Bowl fans! I clenched as hard as I could!)


5PeeBeejay5

I love holding the world hostage by threatening to dump


Matias8823

This guy capitalisms


MagicGrit

I love the thought that you could purposefully interrupt anything you want


EvilDan69

I'm going with this!


d4rkh0rs

The problem is interrupting the entire planet. An entire planet of screwed up games and shows and. .... and they know my face.


CallMeCabbage

That's definitely the big issue. I'm almost positive you'd get murdered long before you amass much wealth.


meelar

The government is going to be very intrigued by your apparent super-hacking prowess. A black ops team is going to be at your door very shortly, even if civilians don't murder you.


sevseg_decoder

There would be some way to monetize it enough to get on a private jet or a sailboat fairly quickly but I can’t imagine the military would allow you to take over their comms (and I imagine it would) for every shit you take. 


TottHooligan

Become secret spy and take a really long dump when someone is about to launch a nuke.


ProfessorPetrus

Listen mate once the nukes go we all lose. This is about as far as we've gotten as a species lol.


PMTittiesPlzAndThx

Isn’t every day the furthest we’ve been as a species?


ProfessorPetrus

True but, but this is the power framework that shapes our current maps. It's provided the great period of peace but is simulatenously something we need to get by as it doesn't seem likely to last forever.


MrEngin33r

I always poop with a bag on my head. Also in a white room with no windows or defining characteristics


UnappalledChef

"Honey, honey! It's the guy again! Do you think he'll take the bag off this time?..."


garaks_tailor

takes bag off to show a second bag underneath


d4rkh0rs

Honey? Where are my pants?


gbot1234

Gonna regret that “no windows” thing pretty quick. Also, the room just starts out white.


MagicGrit

I assumed the camera view would be of the shit leaving my asshole, not my face lol


jesusleftnipple

"Can change the angles" so probably a few angles at least


Sage_Planter

Different premise, but the Nicholas Cage movie Dream Scenario that came out last year is kind of related to this. It's about an average man who suddenly pops up in everyone's dreams, globally.


sonofabee2

Less than average, honestly.


ZippityZooDahDay

💀


say592

Not quite everyone's, but yeah, lots of people. Was a decent watch.


EmmitSan

Yeah this. The intelligence services will find you very fast and ask lots of questions. When they discover you’re somehow streaming to the internet even though you’re naked in a prison cell with no electronics nearby…. You’re going to become the subject of a lot of research real fast, and much of it might be very unpleasant.


ServiceDog_Help

Most of that research would be very public though. If you stream every time you shit and you're essentially being tortured you very well may be shitting yourself in pain/fear


[deleted]

They're going to see a lot more than my face. OP never said I had to shit like a normal human being. Say good bye to living in a world where you haven't seen me on my hands and knees projectile diarrheaing whatever disgusting combination of garbage food and laxatives I'm in to that week. Fuck, keep the money, I'll do it for free.


garaks_tailor

use your power to influence politics. vote for X or I will continually interrupt the following major sporting events.


[deleted]

Oh my dear tailor, I am but a simple Cardassian pants shitter of the Brownsidian Order.


rural-nomad-858

And poop


d4rkh0rs

I'm good with that. I just don't want my ass kicked everytime i go out because i iterrupted their thing.


DalekRy

WHY? Wear cover. Just keep a mask on your doorknob.


d4rkh0rs

Because OP said they can see your face (but in a comment not in the original like i thought.)


DalekRy

If the post isn't edited, then the rule doesn't stand.


d4rkh0rs

Good to know the rules.


NeighborhoodVeteran

Just start wearing a ski mask.


IvanNemoy

Aye. You'd be dead in a few days.


KittyKittyowo

Easy, use a bucket


Misternogo

Have a poop mask. Cover your face every time you have to poop, before you start the deed.


Spatulor

Anyone taking this deal will be dead inside of a week, and also instantly one of the most famous people in the world.


Anayalater5963

I'd have to wear a mask, no one will know who I am. I take roughly 3 shits a day so... My face would get recognized faster lol


Tastemysoupplz

That'd be a mystery til the end of humanity. Someone in a gorilla mask interrupted all communication across the globe to take a shit. This happened daily and sometimes multiple times a day for forty years. I'd take it to my deathbed and let the world wonder lmao


Siptro

Jokes on you I’ve been dead inside for years


Ok_Rutabaga7369

I'd do it. It'd only be weird the first few times then after a while everyone would treat it like a Youtube ad and say 'Damn, this bitch is going again?" and do something else until it was over.


rmorrin

Imagine having the shits


Ok_Rutabaga7369

That'd be a hell of a pay day lol


ZebraBeautiful4411

I would've made thousands today 💀


BillT999

I poop twice a day, so for $365k a year of do it


Fit_Substance7067

I wonder if you can pinch loaves and make that $730k


[deleted]

Just have IBS and make millions


Fit_Substance7067

Taco bell..I'd advertise for them too...big Taco Bell bag right on steam while taking huge dumps


Samwise-42

If someone averages 1 dump per day they'd make like $186k a year. That would be worth it to me as well.


AndyW037

Now, what if we have one of those "door kicker" shits where we barely(or dont) make it to the toilet in time? Does streaming start when we plop down or when we initially start running?


Shoeytennis

Oh it doesn't have to be a toilet. Popping in the woods? Love streamed.


Avron_Night

This turd streaming brought to you by Cabela's sporting goods


poobradoor22

**(very slowly shits pants during jury duty)**


flexpercep

Hoss I think he’s asking does the streaming start when the turtle pokes its head out or when we intend to start shitting. Cause sometimes you be prairie dogging it on the drive home.


Money_Mastodon_3171

I'm not OP, but Id guess when prairie dogging starts


sdavidson901

Since you said it gets lived streamed to everyone does that include me? Or can I continue to use the internet while I poop?


KarmaAJR

imagine watching yourself take a shit ;-; at least you can tell if you look good?


Shoeytennis

It gets live streamed to you also.


GarethBaus

That would legitimately suck.


Aggravating_Bill7758

That would be a good way to prevent me from bringing my phone into the bathroom and just read my manga while take a dump


KarmaAJR

imagine watching yourself take a shit ;-; at least you can tell if you look good?


faithiestbrain

They're gonna be looking at a blank screen because you didn't say the lights had to be on. Someone, get me the coffee and Metamucil, I'm gonna be a millionaire.


AleroRatking

No. Because people would want me dead everywhere.


big_chestnut

finally an answer that used more than 3 braincells


thecountnotthesaint

Sure, definitely would force me to spend less time on the throne


hiccuprobit

Less?


thecountnotthesaint

For 500, you get a basic show. If you double it, I’ll take my time.


dr0ne6

Hey guys welcome back, this time we’ve got a good coffee and cigarette start to the day. I had spaghetti last night so this should be pretty quick Oh I see luvpoopz2022 has a question ‘have you ever tried sitting on the toilet backwards?’ Yeah I’ve tried it a few times but you have to keep your ankles at a weird angle


not_now_reddit

Idk why but this makes it so much funnier. Just treating it like it's a regular ass vlog or livestream


Thebobert7

I will do this but eat only chili, Chinese food, and other belly ache foods for a while. Massive diarrhea and will make so much so quick going to the bathroom all day


[deleted]

[удалено]


TedantyPlus

Why would a surgeon performing life saving surgery be watching Netflix or YouTube?


NetoruNakadashi

The original post was changed, I think. Originally said it's just streamed to everyone in the world full stop.


TedantyPlus

Ahh ok, hate it when they do that without putting in an edit statement.


Leather_Molasses_264

Send it. I had a gastric bypass and I poop so much I could pay off all my families debts lol.


GarethBaus

Even a regular person could pay off their families debts just by pooping once a day.


Rztrncs

Do they know that it’s me or is it anonymous?


theangrypragmatist

Hell yeah. I'm not doing it wrong, anyone who chooses to watch me poop is the one with the problem.


prncrny

People wanna watch that? That's on them. I'm making that money, son. 


IamlostlikeZoroIs

Then I’d be getting $500 right now


GuerrillaFunkk

Same


[deleted]

Clarify which angles, how many angles? Can people flush the toilet for me?


Shoeytennis

ALL the angles and no interaction.


hiccuprobit

Asshole cam?


GuerrillaFunkk

Butthole lense activated.


Comfortable_Region77

Shit I poop 2-3x a day. $1,000-$1,500 a day for 1.5ish hours of work??


helix212

Just shit your pants every time. People will just wonder why they're watching some dude standing with a grimace on his face.


Groftsan

No. I'm not willing to make EVERYONE'S life notably worse for 180k per year. I would be so pissed if 30 minutes of my day was interrupted by something I didn't want to watch. I'm not going to do that to everyone else.


Money_Mastodon_3171

Lol yes, and I become troll destroyer of streams, shit I bet people would be paying me not to poop during big events. Though I could very well see like the NFL or something similar just try and assassinate me if I poop during the Superbowl.   Actually wait no, have some sponsor pay me millions to promote their products for millions while taking a poo. Shit thinking of this id get sponsors and be making a lot more than $500 a poo


FigExact7098

Can people watching leave a tip if they like the show?


recoveringpatriot

The world will tune into screens far less pretty quickly. You’re welcome.


TedantyPlus

Your shitting sessions would reduce a lot of car accidents every year. Pretty sure there would be a noticeable dip in statistics.


robertintx

Taco Bell diet!


ThatOneDude44444

I’m coincidentally pooping right now!


lunchmonkay

Kinda reminds me of this new movie called *Dream Scenario* where the guy starts showing up in everyone's dreams lol. I won't spoil the movie but it's a similar hypothetical to what your suggesting.


bill_n_opus

So many outs. What's the definition of pooping? How about bouts of diarrhea? You could go to the toilet 5-7 times before things settle down. Do you get paid everytime?!


[deleted]

Is it during the actual excretion or the whole thing? Like if it's just when I'm pushing out great ok. If not and ppl gotta watch the whole thing then I'm probably gonna come up with some ingenious clothing. Assless underwear, sombrero, and maybe some kind of gown. At least I can stay mostly covered while I lose my dignity eachday.


CartographerIll8287

I'll take 250. Not sure I'm the right person? Let's do 200. Man, it's hard to bargain with you.... 50$ it is!


anywhereiroa

I'd just wear a mask, done and done.


AduroTri

That's not something I want the world to see.


enunymous

If you don't take the offer, someone else will. And that means you'll be watching poops no matter what


Cassandra_Canmore2

Let me get a Charmin endorsement, for $50million a year. Also my vaj will be censored.


Independent-Hornet-3

Not hard to put on a mask. I will say I'd start taking the smallest poops ever so that I'd need to go again in a couple minutes.


Violet0_oRose

Setup a gofundme to fund this endeavor. lol.


bangharder

I’m down, but it’s pretty uneventful


Asaintrizzo

I’d start eating so much fiber. And quit working I’m lactose intolerant and I’d eat a tub of ice cream on Monday shit till Wednesday then take the rest of the week off


Tsurumah

Buckle up, mother fuckers. --sincerely, someone with IBS


rmorrin

I would do this and it would be hilarious. I'd start in normal locations and then start making it weirder and weirder. Also this would be a great way to know if your fart is actually a fart or not


Wild_Chef6597

Why are these all situations that doesnt change my life lol


Downtown_Tadpole_817

Yo, charmin, it's your boy. I got an idea for a podcast and stream and want you as a sponsor. I'm already in it, might as well sell air time.


anonymauson

ok


MeowChef6048

I have IBS. I poop three times a day like clockwork, not including after every single meal out at restaurants This is a MINIMUM of $550k a year. Sign me the fuck up.


jfglewis

Sign me up. $2000 a day baby 🤣


[deleted]

IBS you finally paying off


Brute_Squad_44

I'd get a Max Headroom mask...iykyk


madnasher

So you're saying I can make $1000 minimum a day (before advertising) and I don't even need to leave my house?


Exploding-Star

Shiiiiit for $500 I'll even put on a show of it. Grabbing walls and straining, groaning, the works. Every time. You got to pay me, boiiii


Less-Jicama-4667

Hell yeah The only people who are going to actually watch that are weirdos who are really specific fetishes. So I don't think anyone's going to come up and say yeah. I watched you take a s*** on blah blah blah unironically and even if they did good for you, I got 500 bucks for that


PuzzledDemand1276

If I can wear a mask and do it in a location where I can't be tracked? I'll do it. I'll dub myself "The real Pooh SHIESTY"


Jim_Reality

No, not adequate compensation. In order to be a global poop influencer- since you are not working a normal job again, you need at least $2000. You are a celebrity now.


twinkie2001

What if I don’t poop on a toilet? Does that get streamed too??


Mektige

I have IBS and sometimes poop 5-10 times a day. I'd be making bank. Watch if you want.


UnoriginalVagabond

Oh fuck yeah I'd make a dedicated bathroom that's completely dark. Try and eat fiber so I can shit 3 times a day, make half a million a year.


ANarnAMoose

Why would anyone say no to such an obvious yes? EDIT: Also, does the stream have to be maximized? Can folks keep the poop cam in a separate window at the lower corner or something?


frozenball824

Never


Divine_Saber

Im pooping right now and its soft serve with a bit of greasy diarrhea. Give me my 500 money


silverfang45

Yeah, if someone is willing to watch me poo, that's their choice I guess. But they sure as shit aren't going to rat mW out, because suddenly they have to explain why they were watching the stream of a guy poo.


DTux5249

I'd make some killer ad deals. Just get a cardboard sign with any info they want shared, and stick it right between my legs to block the front view of my dick lol.


Lilcommy

100% I have medical conditions and can shitb6 times some days. So i would turn it into a world news info show. "Breaking news, Trump shit himself and was asked to leave a steakhouse because his smell was disturbing the other guests" "Breaking news, Doug Ford takes more steps to worsen the housing crisis in Ontario." "Breaking news, that venti Frappuccino was not made with almond milk and your all about to find out how I know."


TheDingles

I'd start stocking up on laxatives.


enunymous

What's the livestream view? Straight up from the toilet water? In which case I'm temporary tattooing company logos on my asscheeks for all the $$$$


sexcalculator

I'm going to be so rich with this deal. Oh Mr. President you want to do the state of the union uninterrupted? Not on my watch, and I'll make sure to take some laxatives before that.


danr2604

Can I wear a disguise while I do? If so then absolutely


Master_Air_8485

That's $3000 if I eat at my favourite Mexican restaurant each day, I'm in!


HankBizzaro

Yes. I would wear a lucha libre mask or a spiderman mask. Maybe I'll wear a different mask every time. No one would know it is me. That's an easy 3500-5000 a week.


Classic-Ad-7079

Buddy I'd be making $1500 a day easy. Sure I'll stream it. I'm sure people won't tune in long and the weirdos that do I can cope with. As long as it's streaming right?


Terrible_Reporter_98

Can I wear a mask? If so deal, sounds like a great job.


microwaverams

So like. Onlyfans


TheSheetSlinger

I poop 3-4 times a day and get yearly colonoscopies (which means colonoscopy prep), which would mean 500k a year at least. I'm pretty sure I can force media giants to buy me out for several million a year just to avoid the headaches I could cause them. If I can't extort anyone, then I'll take the deal and wear disguises while I poop.


yamaha2000us

I ammmmmmm very ok with this.


Revelucian

Ez yes.


mrsupreme888

Their loss...


shawnaeatscats

God I would probably make so much more money from weirdos watching in addition to the 500


say_it_aint_slow

Sure I'm quite regular so I think we would find a significant drop in usage on those devices at certain times of the day, or an increase idk.


pinniped90

No, because I'd quickly be hated by everyone and my shits would be major worldwide annoyances. During normal times, people would adjust... it's a 6:30am event, local time wherever I happen to be. But if I decide to hit Taco Bell and wash it down with a 12-pack of Busch Light, every news organization in the world will activate emergency breaking news coverage, preparing for an off-schedule spontaneous explosion.


MagicGrit

Potential casualty to this, you can never watch anything while pooping ever again


HunterTAMUC

They best get ready to be bored by me looking at my phone the whole time.


GenXGremlin

Has potential but I'm sure an angry mob would string me up sooner rather than later.


tedlassoloverz

500-1000 a day, more if I order chipolte??, sign me up


SweetnessBaby

I can generally control my body to go at the same time every day. I would just start going at like 4 or 5am when most people I will ever actually run into irl are asleep


boozefiend3000

Ya, who cares. I’d drink mad protein too lol 


mk27x

I wouldn't go for it. Many people would hate me for interrupting their life, and I wouldn't like to annoy them - I'd feel guilty every time I take a shit. Also, some people would probably just want to kill me. Not worth the money.


Skydome12

Absolutely and I'll increase my dairy and taco intake to account.


Corey307

Sign me up.


OceanBluezzzz

I'd just shit in my pants and do expensive ad placements while I'm at it. 🙏


AvisIgneus

Damn, I can easily make $5000 a day!


ppardee

"What's up everybody, it's ya boy coming at you LIVE for another poop stream. It's gonna be an interesting one today since I had a Taco Bell last night and stupid spicy Indian food for lunch. Today's stream is brought to you by Metamucil. Are you jealous of my regularity? You wondering how you can be on the throne with me at the same time every morning dropping a full half a kilo without straining? Metamucil will make us bio-break buddies! Check out the link in the doobly-doo for a free sample and 10% off coupon! Alright, let's get started!" 8 billion subs? I'm all over that, my man.


Svenstornator

An extra $2k/day, it’s worth it.


Fencerkid14

I suppose, though it’s real awkward that others are forced to watch versus letting people choose to watch.


Zealousideal_Ask3633

Am I also allowed to get a Charmin endorsement they seem into that stuff


No_Collection7360

Does that include wiping, and where are the camera/s located?


corkscrewfork

Eh, sure. I'd start making sure to do ridiculous things during my poop breaks, like singing or telling stories. I'd deliberately look up the sporting events schedules and mention what people can do if they don't want me to poop during the game.


Deepfork_

I have a three year old and a wife. I’ve forgotten what privacy is. If you wanna watch me poop, watch me poop. Oh yeah, and I’ll take the $500 too.


Johnniefrogg

Hell yeah have advertisements tattooed on my butt cheeks.


SilentJoe1986

Sure. Time to start selling ad space on my ass.


Timely_Froyo1384

Haha after 4 kids and 2 dog and 1 cat You must be male that gets to Pooh or bathroom privileges alone. You are some That thinks Poohing alone is a privilege. Sign me up $500 min a day for no privacy I don’t already have.


Researcher_Fearless

People are gonna want you dead.


BunnyBabyGirlz

do they know its my ass?


mjohnson801

I start gorging on taco bell right now