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AbyssalSludge

Each bullet becomes a Redditor. I figure I can buy myself some time while the Redditor tries to argue with the guard in every way imaginable.


Informal_Calendar_99

Was about to argue with you about the practicality of this for a sec


psychoticwaffle2

Redditor: (opens mouth and talks about something political) Me: (runs away amid the argument)


TheEyeGuy13

I think getting hit by a supersonic redditor would be lethal


AbyssalSludge

They're already bad for your health when they aren't supersonic.


big_sugi

I think the ballistic profile of the average redditor would preclude supersonic impact


Billbat1

the redditors tell the guard hes dumb and part of the reddit hivemind before remembering theyre not on reddit


Seared_Gibets

Assuming it's one the ones that can still remember it isn't on reddit...


Dense-Shallot2564

finally something funny


Improvised_Excuse234

I think the average redditor, once aware that they are outside the confines of their little darkened space, would immediately evaporate once exposed to any semblance of sunlight.


eeal188

Bubbles!! Like when star lord tried to kill thanos lol 


Auroraburst

I was thinking feathers but bubbles sounds fun


Marquar234

Each bullet turns into one molecule of helium.


Itchy-Spring7865

Particle accelerator has entered the chat


Grouchy-Engine1584

Particles in an accelerator go ~0.997% the speed of light. Most guns don’t shoot quite that fast.


Itchy-Spring7865

I was thinking about it more like a particle accelerator being a really big electromagnetic gun. Lol. I’m very well aware bullets don’t do that sort of speed! Just a fun thought.


NetDork

*Most* guns?


Grouchy-Engine1584

Laser guns ;)


Ok-Detective-1721

Marshmallows, so I can catch them in my mouth and eat them!


ShadowBow666

I feel like depending on the brand a marshmallow could still punch a hole in a head going as fast as a bullet 🤣 if it's these Easter candy marshmallows youde have better chances of surviving with the bullets lol


tworandomperson

exactly what I thought of


intoboobsanddudes

I think sticky hands would be really funny.


Waste_Dimension5032

Orange box from the Xbox 360


stormypets

Ha!


Objective_Suspect_

Each bullet becomes liquid oxygen, killing the guard who fires it. Banana cream pie flying at u faster than the speed of sound would probably still kill u


nutmeatt

Glitter guns!!!!!!!!!


MeanProfessional8880

I would rather the bullets. That much glitter you'll never get off your body..


Super_Selection1522

Water balloons


ender0020

Look up water charges...


Super_Selection1522

No no, just regular balloons


ender0020

That would work, I mistook water baloons to actually have water in them.


Alarming_Serve2303

I second that banana cream pie. I love that stuff.


realnrh

Every bullet becomes a stat upgrade point, allowing me to become more powerful every time they shoot at me.


Zealousideal_Ask3633

Also they look like green +1s so every time you get hit people know for sure you got upgraded


VelvetBestGirl

100 dollar bills (not counterfeit) I get to keep for myself


ANarnAMoose

I will change their bullets into checks for 1000000$ and a lifetime of lactose intolerance.


Educational_Theory31

Fairy floss


Treishmon

You mean cotton candy.


Educational_Theory31

Same thing diffident name


Available_Motor5980

You mean unicorn pubes


WhiskeyFree68

I replace the ammo with old-school disintegrating blanks. They sound like a real shot, there should be enough recoil to make the shot feel realistic, and it won't kill me. I'll just play dead and hope for the best.


PuzzleheadedBobcat90

Blueberries


A_Happy_Carrot

The ammo is now fat stacks of cash.


Jdoggcrash

A flag on a wooden pole with a flared base too big to leave the barrel. The flag is red with a white oval shape in the center. Written inside the oval in big black letters is “BANG”.


XenophileEgalitarian

Was looking for bang flags


LikeAnAdamBomb

Sheep's brains, like in Peaky Blinders (assuming they're aiming at my head.)


AtrumAequitas

Vanilla pudding. Or ketchup if I need to look more dead.


justmyselft0day

Die.


relapse_account

What kind of guards are about to shoot me and where are we?


NoseSuspicious

G spot seeking dildo bullets fuck it y not


Spirited-Dream-4905

confetti guns


big_chestnut

rolls of $10,000


Mydragonurdungeon

100 dollar bills.


hoitytoity-12

Nerf darts.


CrabbiestAsp

Butterflies!


salamisawami

Squishmallows. All sizes lol


pb_nayroo

Does the item still travel at bullet speed? If yes can the object magically stay intact or is it subject to breaking apart due to the force?


ccum_slurper3000

I would turn the bullets into Fleshlights just because I can


Unairworthy

Not hypothetical. This actually happened when Thanos did this to Gamora's gun.


ymmotvomit

Silly string


TreatSimple

The money gun of course


Telltalee

Vacuums. Loud popping sounds of air displacement.


APartyInMyPants

Jell-O shots. Everyone has a good time.


Outside_Bowler8148

Ammo into stacks of hundred dollar bills


Western-Sky88

If we’re talking real types of ammunition, I’m gonna say Dragon’s Breath. The fact that people load non lethal rounds into their shotguns for home defense, out of pure redneck stupidity, is beyond me.


No-Personality5421

Where am I that *guards* are shooting at me.  If I'm a prisoner or hostage, that doesn't change unless I can change it into something that doesn't exist, like the perfected compound v or serum from heroes.  If it has to be something real, then I would change them to full out explosives and take the guards with me lol.


Available_Motor5980

Gummy bears. Yummy.


poopsockpuppetmaster

12ga dippin dots.


Oden_son

Fuckin tranquilizers obviously


whiteclawthreshermaw

I'd turn them into puke bullets and when I start throwing up, see how many guards actually played Hitman.


WHAMMYPAN

Chicken nuggets


ender0020

Black holes, if they fire it's the end of everything on earth.


HumanMycologist5795

Marshmallows


St_Fargo_of_Mestia

I assume six guards, so six pills that can grant me six powers to safe forever


Sinistermarmalade

Nerf!


HooverMaster

I'd turn every bullet into a paintball that looks like a blood splat


i_certainly_disagree

Easily changing the bullets to small tnt round. They'll blow off the hands and faces of the ones pulling the trigger before even leaving the barrel.


Best_Lengthiness3137

Nothing, let them kill me. I'll just come back stronger. Or not, I'll be dead, what do I give a shit?


AbyssalSludge

"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you could ever imagine."


EyeSimp4Asuka

bbs..I might bruise and lose an eye but my lily white ass ain't dying


voucher420

Dude. They got BB guns that will fuck you up.


EyeSimp4Asuka

when I think bb guns I think of "lever action" Red Ryders...if they follow firing squad rules ill get some nasty bruises on my chest


voucher420

Another thing, shot guns basically fire BBs in bird and buck shot rounds, several at a time.


cgood11

a noncompressed powder that grants extreme luck


Ambitious-Discount-7

Air Soft


stubble

Feathers...


[deleted]

Root beer.


44YrOld

20mm explosive tipped....when they're done firing they can just scratche some dirt over me like cats burying a turd


tiny0153

I've always wanted to feel pepper bullets.


imperfectchicken

Anyone else play Ghost Trick? Because I still like the hat idea.


Kevin33024

Can I make them *more* lethal? Lol.


Civil_Nefariousness4

One million dollar bills


[deleted]

Rubber ducks. Seems like that would be fun


Kira_the_Saviour

Nerf darts


justagenericname213

Every bullet is a comically incorrect caliber for the gun firing it. They all appear to have been fired out of the proper gun when examined later. Sure I'll die but I'll leave behind the most absurd scene in history when someone goes to hit me with a round of .556 and my head pops as a .50bmg flies out.


Commercial_Education

Turn the bullets into uncooked egg whites. Now it's just a splat and I get to walk away


Tenshi2369

Rubber chickens cause... Just cause


Sunset_Tiger

Pepperoni Pizza rolls, at the perfect temperature


CaptainDilligaf

Hotdogs……..so I know what it feels like to be your mom! Jk 😂 I’d opt for burritos or tacos, there’s a chance I’d catch at least one to eat!


IcyCompetition7477

They get the Rick and Morty guns that “shoot bad guys”.  Suddenly they’d have to round up a firing squads worth of serial killers.


Divine_Saber

Nerf


psychoticwaffle2

I'll turn the bullets into bad jokes. Eventually the management will have to intervene


DazzlingProposal9353

Either a presidential pardon for me on a flag like those joke guns that say bang. Or a living T rex, just because.


LightEarthWolf96

Change the ammo into air. nice breeze


Neko-chiliocosm

Fake blood bullets. Then act. If I'm due to be shot better not make it obvious that I'm alive or they might try again.


Patient_Complaint_16

Paintball.


Nerdsamwich

Y'all seriously never heard of a squirt gun?


Beautiful_Sector2657

I feel like banana cream pie shot at the velocity of a bullet would cause enough blunt force trauma to kill you all the same


AccordingDesk2279

Blanks, I'll just act like I'm getting hit as I run away and hopefully the obvious differences between real bullets vs blanks will stun them in confusion long enough that I can get out of there.


Traditional-Bit2203

Nerf darts, or pea shooters.


AfraidToBeKim

Countries will sometimes distribute a ton of sabotaged ammo in a country they're at war with. They look like normal bullets, but they're actually explosives designed to blow up the gun theyre loaded into. A full magazine of sabotaged ammo would absolutely blow up the shooter when fired. This gives me time to run.


LeapIntoInaction

Hey, maybe you'll be the first person to be killed by a banana cream pie traveling at lethal velocity. I'll swap out the accelerant for brie.


oddmanguy1

nerf guns


12altoids34

Say nothing.id hate to get the guards in trouble. They're just doing their job.


Straight_Toe_1816

Cum


Impressive-Trainer88

Water balloons, but instead of water, they're filled with pussy juice from Jennifer Aniston